Quote of the Chapter:

"You're always in a rush, or else you're too exhausted to have a proper conversation. Soon enough, the long hours, the traveling, the broken sleep have all crept into your being and become part of you, so everyone can see it, in your posture, your gaze, the way you move and talk."
― Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go

Chapter Fifty-Six: (I'll Always Be) Less Than Zero

Elizabeth: We need to talk.

For the past few hours, all Meliodas could do was stare at the message. There, on his phone screen, displayed in plain black text, decorated with the curly italic font she'd insisted on for her contact name, was proof that Elizabeth still wanted to talk to him. Definitive proof. Undeniable proof. Sent from her phone, saved on his phone, was her attempt to contact him.

Months had passed with nothing but radio silence. Brief glimpses into her life, comments from mutual friends or posts onto her social media, was all he'd ever gotten from her. Distant peeks. Occasional glances. Constant reminders of her gnawing absence.

But today, like a bolt out of the blue, Elizabeth had opened the door once more. Now, after all this time, she actually wanted to talk to Meliodas. And, for the first time, he wasn't quite sure what to say to her.

Really, it wasn't a big secret that they needed to talk. Everyone around them knew that they needed to talk. From months ago, from when she'd first moved out, they had needed to talk. Have an actual no secrets left, kind of talk. Everything had to be laid out bare on the table, ready to be examined and carefully scrutinized.

But the problem with talking, with putting everything out there on the table, was that it always got messy very quickly. Talking didn't magically fix every problem in someone's life. In Meliodas' case, talking often made his problems a lot worse than they originally were. Words were never his strong point; his actions, his thoughts, were better behaved in their intentions, more distinct in their behaviour.

Whenever he did royally fuck up, Meliodas tended to show how much he knew he did without words. Physical actions and gestures were his way of communicating with others. Doing stuff had always been his world of language, his way of understanding the people and objects around it. Actions, not words, made a lot more sense to him.

What had Elizabeth called it once? Kinesthetic? Yes, Meliodas was pretty sure that was what she'd told him once, that he was someone who learned through touch, relating himself to other things around him. Most people on this planet were not like that - a good chunk of the population learned through visual cues or auditory cues.

Elizabeth was definitely a visual learner. After knowing her for so long, lived with her for years, Meliodas could say that confidently. Soaking in the world around her like a sponge, that woman could learn anything just by watching it. To her, actions meant a different thing; actions were simply a vessel of communicating a greater message. The greater picture, the bigger masterpiece, was what she cared about most.

Maybe that was why Meliodas had been so hesitant to respond to her message. Staring at his phone, wide-eyed, he'd nearly dropped the pint glass he'd been drying when he'd read it. Then, he'd slipped his phone into his pocket. Out of sight, out of mind: he needed a clear head when he responded to her, one that wasn't occupied with serving the lunch rush at the Boar's Hat.

Once he'd finished his shift, Meliodas chose to respond. Carefully thinking about his words, chalking up what each option could possibly result in, he landed on his safest type of response. A question.

Meliodas: Sure. When?

Time wasn't an issue for him. Time was never an issue for Meliodas - he could shuffle the world around for Elizabeth. And she knew that. Damn it, she knew that. Because she knew that if she said a time and a place, no matter how insane or obscure it was, Meliodas would turn up on time, ready to be at her beck and call. Every single time. Without fail.

So, that same day, instead of jumping on a train to East London, Meliodas found himself hopping on the tube farther south towards Clapham. Address already memorized in his brain, hope thrumming in his veins, he was full of nervous energy as he crammed into the already packed tube and counted down the stations until Clapham Common.

For fifteen minutes he was trapped down there, squashed between the hard doors and a lady who carried a tiny sausage dog in her arms. Every square inch of the carriage was full: commuters sat in the chairs, tourists grabbing onto the overhead poles, suitcases sliding against the floor. At each station, people got off and people got on. Hot, stale air barely blew through the carriage, stirred the dust settled heavily on the windows. Ever since he could remember, the tube had always been a stagnant, stifling experience.

Eventually, they got to Charing Cross. Then they got to Waterloo. Then, Meliodas was stepping out onto the narrow platform of Clapham Common, freed from the musty atmosphere of the tube and its passengers.

Walking up the station's front steps, breathing in the fresh air of a typical February night, Meliodas was free. Relieved. But only for a second. Because as soon as he stepped out of that station, escaped the hot and clammy tunnels of the tube and its rails, he'd spotted Elizabeth. Right in front of him.

Even though a good chunk of time had passed, Meliodas felt as if it were just yesterday when he had last seen her. Silver hair tucked into a neat side braid, a thick navy blue jacket on her body, she was reminding him of before - before they were roommates, before he'd first met her, when she had simply been just another girl in his class, the quiet, shy thing who sat at the front and answered tricky questions and always completed her homework on time.

So much time had passed since then. Virtually a decade had passed since then. But somehow, in some strange way, this moment was reminding Meliodas of that distant era. Before he'd come and upturned her perfect life.

"Oh," Blinking, surprised, Elizabeth dragged the blonde from his thoughts. Just like him, she was also caught off guard. Pursing her lips, she stated lightly, "Well, that's convenient."

In the face of her shock, Meliodas could only shrug, "At least I'm on time?"

Surprisingly, Elizabeth cracked a small smile. Laughter, light and tinkling, escaped her lips in that moment. Something about the sound lifted him, propelled him upwards in a strange way. Almost like old times, when she would grab his hand and then point towards whatever had caught her eye. But this wasn't just like old times. This was the present. His reality.

"I'm... glad you bothered to come today," Slowly, carefully, the words left Elizabeth's lips as they left the station and walked towards the highstreet. Pinching at her brows, tugging at her lips, he could read her concern. But, then again, why wouldn't she be concerned? Restless, aimless, Meliodas didn't really look after himself these days. Always rushing from place to place, buzzing and twitching and coming and going, he didn't rest much. Maybe it showed on his face. Maybe it showed in other ways. Either way, he knew why she would be concerned.

Meliodas looked and felt like shit.

"Glad I could make it," Returning her sentiment, flashing a bright grin - because that was always his way of telling her not to worry about it - Meliodas raised a brow, "But I'm guessing we have a lot of talking to do."

"Yes, we do."

Just like that, she'd clammed back up. Shrinking into herself, pursing her lips once more, Elizabeth frowned as she turned to glance at the busy streets around them. People, so many people, were out and about. This was probably going to be a really personal conversation; she wouldn't have invited him over to Elaine's - a solid neutral ground - otherwise.

So, eventually, they made their way there. Ban and Elaine were there when they'd arrived at the house, located around the back of the highstreet. Cheery and bright, they offered up a fresh tin of banana bread before promptly announcing that they were just going to pop out to the shops. Apparently, they'd forgotten something. Complete bullshit, if you asked Meliodas. He could see the lie between them effortlessly. But whatever. This was his chance to make things right, to sort everything out with Elizabeth. How didn't matter. Just the end result.

Seeming to read his mind, Elizabeth let out a sigh as she gestured to the chair across from hers and the lone banana bread sitting on the table between them, "You might want to take a seat for this."

"I figured," Not one to hold back on reality - not anymore - Meliodas' voice matched her own. Serious. Solemn. Weighted in a way they'd never really used with each other. Pointing to the banana bread, drizzled with white icing, he couldn't help but say, "Is the cake there to make us feel better or worse?"

"It's... to say congratulations," Staring at the cake, Elizabeth bit into her lip once more. Fumbling, her hands were twisting around one another, fingers pulling and bending as she fidgeted. Nerves. She was nervous. Well, that made two of them.

"Oh," Meliodas would have asked 'what for'. If things were like usual, he would have joked about her always having some kind of congratulations. There was always something to celebrate with Elizabeth - her pure existence was something he could throw a party over. But now wasn't the time nor place for that kind of comment. Not after everything that had happened.

So Meliodas let the silence settle between them. Elizabeth was the one who wanted him to come here today. Only she knew the true reason why she'd wanted that; only she knew why she wanted to talk to him again. If he was her, Meliodas wouldn't have even bothered. Forgetting him and moving on would be her best course of action.

But maybe Elizabeth knew that and wanted to ignore it anyway. For some weird reason.

"Anyway, that's not why I wanted to meet you today," Releasing a sigh, Elizabeth sat up a little straighter in her chair. Again, there was a nervous edge around her, like she was carefully picking her words before they left her mouth. Staring Meliodas in the eye, seeming to reach down into the very depths of his soul, she continued, "We need to talk about something else. Something really important."

"Well, we aren't exactly short on those," Unable to help himself, Meliodas let out a short laugh. In the past few months alone, he'd managed to wrack up an endless list of problems. Breaking her heart; lying to her face; lying to her face while being called out for lying: yeah, he had actually fucked up majorly this time. Forgiveness shouldn't even be an option.

"I can't marry you, Meliodas," Looking exasperated, a tight frown pinching at her face, Elizabeth cut all humour short. Instead, all she left was shock. Confusion. What strange words to share. Definitely an interesting way to start a conversation. Although, Meliodas wasn't exactly in the best position to judge her right now; he was the one who had caused this mess in the first place.

But marriage? When had that ever been something linked to their problems? If anything, Meliodas' problem was that he was always running away from anything with even a hint of long-term commitment.

"Marry me?" Both brows furrowing, Meliodas matched Elizabeth's frown. Now he was confused. Very confused. When had he given her that idea? "Why would you do that?"

"Because of this," Sighing, Elizabeth placed a box on the table. Snapping open the lid, revealing a glittering silver band with a pretty large diamond embedded in its centre, she studied his reaction. Closely. But Meliodas didn't even twitch. Confused, very, very lost, he could only blink. At his reaction, Elizabeth faltered, voice a small whisper as she asked, "Didn't Diane tell you..."

"Didn't Diane tell me what?" An edge creeping into his voice, Meliodas raised a brow. Really, he hadn't meant to snap at her. He wasn't even mad at her. But seeing that ring, which she supposedly was gifted, didn't sit right with him. At all. Who the hell was giving Elizabeth an engagement ring? Why was she concerned about what Diane was telling him?

"Oh," Growing quiet, Elizabeth closed the box and pulled it back to her side of the table. Shaking her head, she sniffed as she gave a little smile, "Never mind. It doesn't... it doesn't matter," One of her hands swept at a tear in her eye, "That was my mistake. King must've... he must've got it for her."

If things weren't uncomfortable before, they definitely were now. Now that Meliodas knew why Elizabeth had suddenly texted him, this whole conversation felt like it wasn't normal. At all. Normal people didn't mail their roommate a wedding ring after months of radio silence. Normal people, with normal feelings, didn't think they'd get married after everything they'd been through.

If anything, Meliodas proved exactly why he shouldn't be with Elizabeth. Lying to her was his only way of keeping her safe. More than anything, Elizabeth hated lies. Complete transparency, complete honesty, had always been things she valued deeply. Being with Meliodas would only mean betraying her own values; he'd always hurt her because he'd always lie to her.

And yet... a selfish part of him couldn't help but pick up the most irrelevant detail from this misunderstanding: she thought he had bought her that ring. Part of her had assumed it could only be from him.

"Elizabeth," Fingertips drumming against the tabletop, Meliodas couldn't help but stir the pot. Press at the increasing discomfort of the room. "Why would you think I want to marry you? We haven't spoken in months."

"Yes, but," Biting her lip, averting her gaze, Elizabeth had something she wasn't telling him. Years of being friends had given him that much knowledge of her body language, her subconscious cues. "Before. You were... you always played with the idea of me and you actually being a thing, and when Diane left this on the table I thought that..."

"You thought?" Meliodas echoed.

"I thought that you misunderstood everything and thought proposing to me would fix everything," Rushing the words out, Elizabeth sighed. Then, shaking her head, she let out a soft laugh, "Stupid, I know. But Diane kept talking and- "

"She tried to play matchmaker," Rolling his eyes, letting the pieces she fed him click, Meliodas grinned knowingly, "Again."

"Again," Elizabeth also smiled.

Comfortable. They were getting comfortable with each other again. Cracking similar jokes, sharing similar smiles, they were gradually easing into the gentle push and pull of their natural dynamic. Familiar, it was oh-so familiar for Meliodas to be here again. Listening to her voice, under the warm beam of her smiles and wonderful laughter, he could feel himself basking in her presence.

Being here with her again was so easy. Using the excuses, the enticing and addicting temptation of avoiding the hard truth, was so easy when there were times like these between them. Even if Meliodas knew there was something Elizabeth was hiding from him. Even if Elizabeth knew he wasn't telling her the truth either. They both were great at doing this: being in denial.

And what was the harm in being in denial with each other?

Yeah... that answer was obvious. Glaringly obvious. So obvious that it pushed away all the great feelings, the bubbliness and the giddiness and the joy. Instead, it was all replaced with bitter cynicism, the sharp critical punch of reality. Being in denial was dangerous. Being in denial around Elizabeth was ten times as dangerous as being in denial alone.

"Why did you really wanna meet today, Elizabeth?" This time, with her, Meliodas wouldn't be in denial. Couldn't be in denial. Not anymore. "Not that I don't love your excellent company, but last time you spoke to me it seemed like you wanted nothing to do with me."

"That feeling hasn't really changed much," Letting out another laugh, Elizabeth cracked a smile. Sweet, friendly, the same smile he'd been the main target of ever since she was sixteen. "Because I lied."

"You lied?" Gasping, eyes wide, Meliodas held back his own laugh as Elizabeth nodded. Goody-two-shoes Elizabeth definitely wouldn't have done that when they were teens. Lies were always against her moral grounds. Letting out a low whistle, Meliodas continued to tease her, "Elizabeth Liones lied? Wow. I never thought you'd do that."

"Well I did and I regret it," While the smile remained, softened and tender at the edges, Elizabeth stared at her hands. Part of her looked down, upset, as she added quietly, "A lot, actually."

Again, the awkward silence. Unsettling guilt, the discomforting squirm of responsibility. Facing one's actions, owning up to what they had done, was always a difficult thing for any human being to do. For Meliodas, it was just as difficult - unbearable sometimes. But, having done it so many times in his lifespan, he was used to it, numbed to the awkwardness of forgiveness.

"So..." Dragging out the word, Meliodas let a grin split his face, "What you're saying is that you missed me?"

Stiffening, Elizabeth's cheeks turned red as she admitted, "Yes. I missed you."

Surprising for him - Meliodas had never thought that Elizabeth would actually miss him. Lying to her for so many years, wasting so much of her precious time, Meliodas knew that he should be the person she hated the most. Forgiveness shouldn't be an option for him. Being missed by her, valued by her, shouldn't even be reality. At all.

Was this actually a dream?

Part of Meliodas wanted to pinch himself to check. Time and time again, his brain had pulled cruel tricks like this. Seeing Elizabeth again, all smiles and laughter and warm hugs, his dreams were terrible things. Patient and accepting, she'd always be waiting for him; every time Meliodas would wake up before he could even touch her, her figure fading like a candle flame snuffed out by shadows.

Then he'd be all alone again, swallowed up by the darkness. Back to the beginning.

"I missed you too, Els," Carefully admitting the words himself, aware that she wouldn't really get how much they meant to him, Meliodas felt his heart racing in his chest. Usually, at this point, she'd disappear, be gone again. Shakily, he grinned, "A lot. Way more than would be healthy to admit. So I won't."

Now Elizabeth was blinking, looking as if she wanted to test if this was all real. Tightly, her arms squeeze around her body, fold over each other as if to keep her stable, together. But, beneath the bewilderment, there was a slight trace of relief. Crinkling at her eyes, softening her face, it was obvious that Elizabeth valued his admission.

"Thanks for saying that," Gentle, almost a whisper, Elizabeth's voice was soft. Tiny, she smiled once more, "I appreciate it."

"So we're back to normal?" Raising a brow, gesturing between them, Meliodas couldn't help but let the question slip. Eager, too eager, his heart was racing ahead of his mind. Careless, tactless, his excitement was forgetting that forgiveness was not a straight road to victory; building back trust, the strong friendship they used to have, would take a lot more than a simple admission of truth.

"No, not normal," Shaking her head, Elizabeth seemed to flinch at his words. Just a little. But despite that, she was still smiling, still open, "We're friends. Just friends."

"That's what you always say," Rolling his eyes, trying to sound exasperated, Meliodas smiled knowingly.

"And I mean it this time," Certain, resolute, Elizabeth's face hardened. This was something she wasn't going to waver on. This wasn't something he could change her mind about. "No funny stuff."

"But you like the funny stuff," Huffing, Meliodas pulled a small pout at her words. Working as intended, he gained a small blush - the puff of a restrained giggle from her lips.

For a moment, Elizabeth just stared at him. Wavering, her face looked like it wanted to simultaneously laugh and cry. If she did do that, it wouldn't be the first time Meliodas had witnessed such a thing. Emotions tended to overwhelm her, Elizabeth had always been a really sensitive person. Meliodas just sucked royally at not cracking her fragile shell.

"I just want my best friend back, Meliodas," Releasing a sigh, Elizabeth shook her head, "I miss being around you, having someone to pass the time with. More than anything, I miss you - as in as a person, not a sex object!" Stern, her face had flushed when he wiggled his brows. "So that's all I want back. If that's... if that's ok with you, that is? Cause I get why you might not be able to be around me after..."

Automatic, he hadn't even realised that he'd moved. Wrapping his arms around her just felt like such a natural action. Holding her close, calming her skyrocketing anxiety, had always been a keen instinct for him.

Really, Meliodas didn't know why he hugged Elizabeth. Maybe it was because he somehow knew she would know how much she meant to him, how much he valued her, through the action alone. Maybe it was because he'd always been a physical creature, something that used actions instead of words to communicate. Saying "I'm sorry" didn't feel like truly being sorry. But giving her a hug, pouring all his love and regret and guilt into that hug, felt so much more efficient. Meaningful.

"I'm just glad you're talking to me again, Elizabeth," Soft, gentle, he was scared she was going to disappear again. Fade into darkness. But, to his surprise, she didn't. Still there, still real, she was in his arms. "That's all I could ever ask for."

When she hugged him back, Meliodas could have sworn that he felt like everything had gone right for a second. For the first time, he had managed to not say the wrong thing. Words had worked. Actions had worked. But then she was laughing, pulling away and wiping at her teary eyes. Her lips moved to say something about the cake - how it was so stupid.

Looking at the cake again - the so-called congratulations cake - Meliodas frowned. Then, like a truck, he suddenly got what she was laughing about.

"So the cake was a congrats for getting engaged cake!"

Of course. How ironic. No wonder why Elizabeth started laughing even more, getting up to grab a knife and cut them both matching slices. Congrats on the engagement.