Hi everyone! SO – this was originally written for Secret Santa, but life got in the way and I didn't finish it in time. I still wanted to share it with everyone, so I am going to publish in 2 parts. I picked this prompt as a challenge, and had so much fun writing it.
S/o to gogodimou who also wrote from this prompt for their Secret Santa fic – everyone should go check out their version as well! (#7 / All You Had to Do Was Stay). It was fun to see someone else's take on the story and see how differently people's creativity can be. Also s/o to bluzzyy11 for the prompt, and suitsxmasfics for organizing everyone's awesome work!
…
Prompt #46: In 7x10 Harvey & Donna sleep together. Then all the Drama with Paula happens and after 7x13 Donna leaves the firm because Harvey is too late. She finds out that she is pregnant afterwards and wants to tell Harvey but Paula picks up the phone and so she decides to keep it to herself. Then a time jump of 2-3 years and Donna returns...
…
PART ONE
…
1 -
"I'm sorry, Harvey, I just had to know."
She wanted to run out of his office before he could say anything, but the way his eyes darted back and forth between her lips and eyes kept her frozen in place.
She had kissed him, laced her fingers through his hair, and she was certain she felt him kiss her back. But when the reality of what she had done hit her, she pulled away, and she was left trying to decipher the way he was staring at her, an internal fight deep in his eyes. What was he thinking? She thought to herself as she tried to steady her breathing.
But Harvey wasn't thinking. The moment he felt her lips on his, the world around him stopped moving. He was taken back 12 years to the first time he kissed her, in the foyer of her apartment, not willing to wait until they reached the bedroom to begin tearing her clothes off. And now, that was all he wanted.
Donna started to open her mouth to speak, but Harvey moved quicker, his hands gripped her waist as he brought her body close to his, smashing their lips together.
A small whimper escaped Donna's lips as Harvey separated them with his tongue, deepening the kiss as he moved them back until Donna's legs hit the side of her desk.
She pulled apart and gave him a look, silently questioning if he wanted to keep going.
"Please," was all he whispered, and that was enough.
Her hands moved to undo his tie, moving swiftly but effectively, as if she had been performing the motion for years. She pushed his jacket off, catching it before it fell to the ground. As she threw it onto her chair, he gave her a smirk. Always looking out for him, he thought, as he wrapped his arms around her body searching for the zipper on her dress.
As the black fabric fell over her shoulders and slid to the floor, Harvey briefly lost the ability to move. Seeing her standing there in nothing but a black lace bra and a thin piece of material that could hardly pass for underwear, his breath hitched. She was beautiful - exactly how he remembered her; exactly how he had pictured her in his head on more than one occasion since the last time he saw her like this.
She moved to undo his belt, her hands hovering just above the tightness forming in his pants. As she placed his belt behind her on the desk, Harvey regained his grip on her, his hands on her ass as he dove back towards her lips. With one hand, he pushed aside the wet lace and felt the room spin as his finger slipped inside her.
"Fuck, Harvey," she whimpered into his year, as her body responded to the touch she had been craving for years.
Her hands tore at his pants until his hardened length was freed and pulsing eagerly in the palm of her hands.
He let out a groan as she increased the grip, pulling him towards her.
"I need you inside me," she pleaded softly in between gasps, "Now."
In one clean motion, Harvey spun Donna around and bent her over her desk. Spreading her apart, he thrust himself inside her, sliding in perfectly as if he was a key made specifically for her body.
Donna gripped the edge of her desk as she took him, the rough movements causing everything to shift on top of her workspace, a small clock falling to the ground and shattering, her calendar toppling over, but she hardly noticed. Despite the fact that Harvey was inside of her, bent over her desk, she was still in disbelief. She could hardly form a thought as he moved in and out of her, so she closed her eyes and resigned herself to the moment of bliss, her legs shaking as she teetered on the edge of release.
Harvey knew he wouldn't last long, but he couldn't control himself enough to slow down. With one hand cupping her breast and the other tending to her clit, he was in absolute ecstasy. His hands all over her body coupled by the moans that escaped Donna's lips with every thrust, he was certain he had died and gone to Heaven. When he felt her body tense up, griding harder onto him, he let him himself explode into her. Throwing her head back and riding her climax with his, she made some of the most primal noises Harvey had ever heard, a "Fuck, Donna," escaping his lips as he continued to pull her close to him until they had exerted all they had.
But when Donna caught her breath and pushed herself off the table to turn to face Harvey, she was met with an expression that made her feel like the ground had fallen out from under her.
Harvey was staring at her with an expression she couldn't quite read – a mix of regret, shock, maybe a little bit of fear? Whatever it was, it was enough for Donna to know that what had just happened between them was hitting him in a way that neither of them expected.
Harvey swallowed hard when he saw the sadness overtake Donna's face. "Donna, I –"
But he was interrupted by a vibration coming from his phone that had fallen onto the ground in the middle of the moment.
PAULA flashed across the screen as the two of them looked on as the phone continued to ring.
Donna closed her eyes and sighed, "You should probably get that."
Harvey, unable to move, let the call go to voicemail before he bent over to pick up the phone.
"Donna…" he started.
"It's fine, Harvey," she shook her head, trying to keep her voice from wavering. "You should go."
Harvey quietly buttoned his pants and took his jacket and tie, as Donna remained frozen in place, her arms crossed against her chest, as if her whole body wasn't standing completely exposed to him.
"We'll talk tomorrow?" Harvey asked, as he turned to leave.
Donna gave a curt nod, and he walked out, leaving her to survey the mess around her.
As she bent down to pull her dress up, her eye caught the calendar flipped to September 17th, and the broken clock frozen in time at 8:54PM, a permanent reminder of the moment she let everything change.
Sitting with her back against the leg of her desk, she held the clock in her hand, and allowed her unshed tears to fall.
…
2 -
Donna showed up for work at the firm the next day as she had done every day for the last 7 years.
Harvey did not.
He had no appointments on his calendar, and hadn't answered anyone's calls all day.
When Louis asked Donna if she had heard from him, she suggested in her most diplomatic tone that maybe he should spend less time worrying about Harvey, and more time worrying about what he was going to do about Sheila's impending wedding. Thankfully, that was enough to put him into a spiral, and decidedly "take a day" himself.
Unable to focus, Donna booked herself an early yoga class, and was packing up to leave when she heard a knock on her door. Looking up, she was met with a smile from Stu Buzzini, and for the first time that day, she smiled back.
"Stu," she greeted, "what are you doing here?"
"I came to thank you for what you did," he started. "It actually got me thinking that my office could use someone like you."
"Couldn't everyone," she quipped, "but as you know, use of The Donna is limited to this office alone."
"I wasn't talking about The Donna, I was talking about Donna," he retorted, handing her a folder.
Donna opened the document. "This is a job offer," she said hesitantly.
"It is," he replied, "and I think the numbers on it will show you that I'm serious."
"Stu, I would be lying if I said this offer wasn't flattering, but –"
"Then take it," he cut her off. "Take some time, think it over."
Donna nodded as she looked back down at the piece of paper, a million thoughts racing through her brain.
"I'll think about it," she gave Stu a cautious smile.
"That's all I can ask."
Donna remained still in her chair for a time after Stu left her office. It didn't make sense, him coming in with a job offer. He knew how loyal she was to the firm, and he was smart enough to not try to take her from Harvey.
Unless it was Harvey who put him up to it.
Fuck.
Donna ripped up the letter and threw it in the trash. She wasn't going down without an explanation. 12 years of loyalty to him, 7 to this firm. And he thought he could just brush her under the rug after fucking her and leaving? If he wanted her gone, she'd leave on her own terms, and not without a fight.
…
When Donna marched into Harvey's office on Monday morning, he looked like he'd seen a ghost.
"Surprised to see me here?" she quipped, as she sat down opposite him, "or did you think I'd already be making myself comfortable downstairs at Stevens Investments?"
Harvey sighed, "Donna –"
"No, Harvey," she interjected, "you need to tell me why the fuck you went to Stu to get him to offer me that job."
Harvey sat in silence before responding "Because Paula said she doesn't think we'd survive if you and I keep working together."
"So she knows?"
Harvey dropped his head, "Not everything."
Donna nodded, taking in the weight of the information.
"So she doesn't know everything, and I'm still going to lose my job over it?" she questioned, when she was able to speak.
The silence was the only answer she needed.
…
When Harvey returned from his final meeting of the day, he was greeted with Donna's resignation letter. Panic began to build as the weight of what he had done washed over him.
He couldn't lose Donna.
But – Paula.
But, Donna.
Fuck.
He had made the wrong decision. He knew it. He knew it when he was doing it, and he did it anyways.
So he went home and did the only thing he thought would fix it.
…
When he left Paula in tears, he raced to Donna, determined to rip up her resignation and bring her back.
But his knocks on her apartment door went unanswered.
He called her. Voicemail.
He called again.
No answer.
Fuck.
…
When he came to the office the next morning, her office was empty.
As he stood looking in on it, Louis came barreling towards him.
"Harvey where the fuck is, Donna? Why is her office cleared out? I swear to god if you did something to make her leave –"
"Not now, Louis," Harvey cut in.
"Harvey, our COO is gone, and something tells me this is your fault. Donna was the best thing to ever happen to this firm, you better fix whatever the fuck you did to make her leave."
Harvey pushed past Louis and beelined for the one person who would know where Donna was.
Rachel looked up from her desk as Harvey barreled into her office.
"Where is she?"
"Harvey, I don't –"
"Bullshit you don't know. Where is she, Rachel?"
Rachel closed her eyes and sighed. "Look, Harvey, I don't know where she is. She told me she was leaving the firm, and that she needed some space. That she would call me in a few weeks when she was back in town. I – I don't know where she went."
Harvey gave a curt nod before turning and walking out.
A few weeks, shit. He called her again. This time, his call went right to voicemail.
…
3 -
Donna spent three weeks at her parent's house in Connecticut, relishing in the comfort of home cooked meals, old movies, and sleeping in her childhood bedroom, while processing her uncertain future.
Her dad had never been a fan of Harvey's, so when he heard that he had forced her out of the job that she had given up everything for, it took the first few days of their visit for Jim to calm down long enough to talk about anything else. Clara, on the other hand, always had a soft spot for Harvey; she knew how much her daughter loved him, and had always been charmed by him herself. She knew her job in this situation was to support her daughter, but she also knew Harvey had been trying to get a hold of Donna since she left, and gently suggested she keep an open mind and reach back out to him when she went back into the city.
…
When the quiet of the suburbs started to make Donna restless, she said her goodbyes and started her journey back into the city. Pulling out her phone, she texted Rachel.
Hey – sorry for going AWOL. Heading back into the city now. You around for dinner? Please don't tell Mike.
A few minutes later, her phone lit up.
Mike and Harvey are in Albany for a meeting with the Attorney General, come over when you get in and I'll order Chinese.
Donna smiled, and for the first time, was looking forward to being back in New York.
…
When Donna arrived at Rachel's, she was met with 10 different takeout containers, 3 bottles of wine, and a warm hug from her friend.
As they made up their plates, poured their wine, and took their places on the couch, Rachel inhaled, "So…" she started cautiously.
Donna gave her a soft smile. "I'm sorry for leaving with no explanation," she started, "I just had to get out of town after…" she trailed off, looking down into her glass.
When she didn't continue, Rachel took her hand, "Donna, you can talk to me. What happened between you and Harvey?"
Donna gave her a look, "What makes you think –"
"Donna," Rachel interjected, "Harvey has been a mess since you've been gone. He's barely coming to the office, and when he does, he looks like he hasn't slept in days."
Donna listened as Rachel continued.
"He ended things with Paula. At first, we all thought that was maybe why he was doing so poorly, but it didn't take us long to figure out that not having her around wasn't the problem, it was not having you."
Donna blinked as she took in the information Rachel had just shared. "He ended things with her?"
"Yeah, the same day that you left."
Shit.
"Donna," Rachel pleaded gently, "what happened?"
Donna told her everything. About the kiss, the sex, the look on his face when he realized what he had done. Leaving her. The job offer. Choosing Paula.
Rachel sat in silence as her friend poured out her heart to her.
When Donna was finished, she poured herself another glass of wine and took a long sip.
"I don't know what I was thinking, Rach," she shook her head as if in disbelief of her own actions. "I don't know why I kissed him when I knew he was with Paula. I just…" she trailed off. "I just had to know. I never expected it to end with me losing my job."
"And it shouldn't have," Rachel squeezed her hand. "But I have a feeling that that job is waiting for you if you want to go back," she gave her a look.
Donna gave her a sad smile. "I do, Rach, I really do, but I don't think I can. I think it's time I put myself first and find something somewhere where I'm appreciated for me, and for what I do."
Rachel nodded. "You want to sleep here? The guys won't be back until tomorrow afternoon."
…
When Rachel woke up the next morning with a dull headache, she rolled over, ready to commiserate with Donna, who she imagined was feeling similarly. When she opened her eyes, however, Donna wasn't in bed. Confused, Rachel pulled herself up and made her way into the living room, stopping when she noticed a light coming from the bathroom, the door slightly opened.
When she pushed the door opened, she was met with Donna curled up on the ground, her head resting on her arms next to the toilet.
Noticing she was no longer alone, she lifted her head up and gave her friend a weak smile.
"I think I may have overdone it on the wine last night."
Rachel smiled, "Yeah, this headache is going to make for an unpleasant morning, let me grab you some water."
Rachel spent the next 30 minutes on the floor with Donna as she emptied her stomach of what was left of the last nights wine and lo mein.
"Thanks, Rach," Donna said quietly, "I'm sorry I left you for almost a month and this is how I'm making my grand return."
Rachel smiled, but a flicker of something else crossed her face, which, despite her head half in the toilet, Donna picked up instantly.
"What?" she questioned.
"What?" Rachel deflected.
"What was that look?"
Rachel sighed, knowing it would be a losing battle to fight with Donna on something like this.
"It's just…" she started. "I've seen you put away half a dozen margaritas at happy hour and show up to a 7am meeting feeling better than everyone else in the room." She paused, "It's been about a month since you…you know, is there any chance –"
Rachel's question was cut off by a wave of nausea that resulted in Donna's lurching towards the toilet.
Shit, she thought, as she wiped her mouth and leaned her head back against the wall.
"Donna –"
September 17th. 8:54PM.
It was October 10th.
"No way, Rach," she forced a smile as she rolled her eyes at her friend.
She was 9 days late.
"Are you sure? Because I can go get –"
"I'm positive."
…
Which is exactly what the test in Donna's hand said to her as she stood over her bathroom sink.
She left Rachel's quickly after she suggested Donna could be pregnant, insisting that she needed to get home and would call her later to let her know how she was feeling. Stopping at the drug store around the corner, she purchased one of every test, her heart racing as she passed the cashier $100 in cash and shoved them in her purse.
Approximately 3 minutes after she arrived back at her apartment, she held the first of many positive tests in her hand.
Shit.
She took another.
Positive
She took a third.
Positive. 3-4 Weeks.
Her head was spinning. How could this have happened? She was on birth control, she was careful, she was Donna.
After a moment of questioning the how, she let her focus drift to the present.
She was pregnant.
With Harvey's baby.
Despite the gravity of the situation, her mind was quiet. Her hand subconsciously drifting to her abdomen where her child was tucked safely inside.
"Oh my god," she whispered to no one, as tears fell softly down her cheeks.
She would have to tell him eventually. She had no idea what his reaction would be. After being gone for nearly a month, under the circumstances that she was in, she didn't feel like she could properly gauge how he would react. She knew he didn't see himself as the kind of person that would ever have a family. She knew about his complicated relationship with his parents and the lasting impression it had on him.
Fuck. He wouldn't want this.
But she knew while she was still on the floor of Rachel's bathroom that she did.
…
Harvey and Mike rode the train back into the city in silence. After their meeting with the AG, Harvey disappeared and only resurfaced in the hotel lobby for their 10am departure the next morning.
Mike's phone lit up with a text from Rachel.
She's back. Please don't say anything.
Mike sighed. He hated seeing Harvey, someone who was always the strongest, most badass person in the room, barely hanging by a thread. He never faltered on their cases, but every minute he wasn't at the office, he knew he was at a bar drinking his feelings in scotch, probably trying to pick up someone ten years younger than him.
He didn't know what happened to make Donna leave or to make him break up with Paula, but he certainly wasn't upset about the latter. He never liked Paula, and he liked even less that she was Harvey's former therapist. Despite them abiding by the ethical waiting period, the two of them together still never sat right with him.
But Donna leaving - they were all hurting from her departure. He didn't press Harvey, and he knew Rachel was just as in the dark as she was. He just hoped everyone could get their shit together and things could get back to normal soon.
Mike sighed as he put his phone down and looked back out the window.
…
Harvey walked into his condo, threw his suitcase down and immediately poured himself a drink. As he slumped into his chair, he began his nightly routine of thinking about everything he had done wrong over the last month that led him to be in this position. He still had no idea where Donna was, and every day that went by without her was the new longest day of his life. Every night, he would call her, even though he knew his call would go straight to voicemail. But just hearing her voice on the recording was enough to keep him from losing it completely.
He picked up the phone and tapped on her name, bracing himself for the inevitable. As he closed his eyes, however, instead of her voice, he heard the phone ringing, a sign that his call was going through for the first time in weeks.
At the same time, there was a knock on his door. In a moment of hope, Harvey hung up the phone, ran over to the door, and threw it open.
His heart sank when he was met with Paula in the doorway.
"Can I come in?"
…
After Donna's nausea subsided around lunch, she ordered herself a bagel, called her OB-GYN, and started to think about how she was going to tell Harvey about the baby.
Their baby.
Every time she allowed her thoughts to drift to the little life that was growing inside her, her heart swelled. She was terrified, of course. Terrified that he would hate her, that he would resent her even more than he already did, or than he would want nothing to do with them. She could let her mind go in a thousand different directions, but she was never going to know unless she told him.
She took a deep breath as she unblocked his number.
3 minutes later, her phone lit up with an incoming call.
Harvey Specter, flashed across the screen.
Her stomach flipped. This wasn't part of the plan.
The screen went black after just a few seconds.
She furrowed her eyebrows, wondering if he had called and then changed his mind.
…
"Paula," Harvey stated cautiously. "What are you –"
"I heard Donna left," she interrupted.
Harvey sighed, "I don't want to get into this right now."
"Harvey," Paula interjected, "I'm not here to gloat, or try to get you back, I just came by because I heard you weren't doing well and I wanted to stop by. I brought wine." She held up the bottle and gave him a soft smile.
Harvey rubbed his eyes. He didn't have the energy to fight her off tonight, and he reluctantly opened the door wider, an invitation to let her in. He could use the company, admittedly, although he wished it was someone more pleasant.
A smirk danced across Paula's face as she followed him into the condo.
"You know where the glasses are, I'm just going to use the bathroom."
Paula smiled sweetly as she walked towards the kitchen.
As she popped open the wine, Harvey's phone lit up on the counter.
Donna Paulsen, flashed across the screen.
Paula's smile flattened, as she peered around the corner to ensure Harvey was out of sight.
Sliding the phone to answer the call, she cleared her throat, offering a chilled greeting.
"Harvey Specter's phone."
…
Donna froze when she heard the piercing British accent on the other end of the line.
What the fuck was Paula doing with Harvey's phone?
Caught off guard with no way out, Donna shook her head and stumbled. "Paula, hi, sorry, is Harvey there?"
"Sorry, Donna, he stepped out for a moment, I'll be sure to let him know you called."
Click.
The line went dead. It took a moment before Donna pulled the phone away from her ear, unable to process what had just occurred.
Tears filled her eyes as reality set it.
They hadn't broken up. He was still with Paula.
Shit.
She couldn't tell him now. He chose Paula. He wouldn't choose her.
He wouldn't choose them.
…
5 –
She had her apartment packed by the end of the week. She didn't tell Rachel. She didn't say goodbye to anyone. She couldn't ask her friends to keep her secret.
She was going to have to do it alone.
She moved to Greenwich, just far enough outside of the city for the space, but close enough to her parents for the support.
She blocked Harvey's number, and sent Rachel a note that she loved her, and would be in touch.
She got a job as an Executive Assistant to the CEO of a tech company that was a competitor to one of Specter Litt's largest clients, so there wasn't a risk of anyone finding her.
She found out she was having a baby girl, and laughed thinking about what Harvey would do with a daughter.
She joined a new yoga studio; made friends with some of the moms in her prenatal classes, but her heart ached for the people she loved back in the city.
She gave birth to her daughter on Mother's Day, and after 12 years of handbags and jewelry from Harvey, she was by far the best gift he had ever given her.
She named her Elizabeth – Eliza – an ode to her Grandma Lily and, her favorite Hamilton character, who's music she played for the duration of her pregnancy.
Eliza had her mother's red hair and her father's deep brown eyes, the left one framed by two large freckles. She was a perfect mix of the two of them, and although Donna's heart melted every time she looked at her daughter, she'd never be able to see past his features in that sweet girl.
When Eliza was 6 months old and she was feeling herself again, she called Rachel.
Her friend was on a train to Connecticut the next day.
Her parents watched Eliza while Donna and Rachel caught up. Rachel filled her in on the firm, on Louis and Sheila, on her and Mike's engagement. She didn't mention Harvey.
Donna filled her in on her new job, the pottery classes she had been going to, the cute barista who wrote his number on her coffee cup last week. She didn't mention Eliza.
When their visit came to an end, Donna promised to be better about staying in touch.
Rachel appreciated the gesture.
…
Harvey made Paula leave after one glass of wine the night she showed up at his door.
He called Donna again, hopeful that his call would go through.
It didn't.
He yelled at Rachel; accusing her of knowing where she was.
His panic attacks came back in full force. He had to take a leave of absence from the firm.
When he returned, he lost himself in his work. Scottie came back, and he used her as a distraction.
After 6 months, he began to accept that she was gone for good.
After a year, he stopped calling.
…
6 –
When Eliza was 18 months old, Donna received an invitation to Mike and Rachel's wedding. She had made a fair attempt at keeping her promise to stay in touch, but with a toddler and a full-time job, it was increasingly harder for her to sneak away to see her friend. Rachel was in the throes of wedding planning, working on her law degree part time, while still working at the firm, so the fact that they had only been able to see each other a handful of times since her first visit was understandable.
Still, when Donna received her invitation, a wave of panic washed over her.
She knew the day was coming, but being faced with seeing all of her old friends and colleagues after three years away was an overwhelming thought. She had successfully held off Louis from showing up at her house in Greenwich by agreeing to a monthly call with him after he found out that Rachel had been out to visit her, but the others she had kept her distance from. Mike knew, of course, that she was in touch with Rachel, and she loved getting to catch up with him if he was home during one of their calls.
She wished so badly she could share Eliza with them, but she knew it wasn't fair of her to ask for them to keep her secret.
…
Their wedding was in December, three weeks before Christmas.
Donna had dreamed of showing her little girl the city ever since she found out she was pregnant; taking her to Central Park, a Broadway show, to the top of the Empire State Building. She rarely left Eliza overnight, with the exception of a few work trips, and the thought of leaving her for a whole weekend made her sick.
She asked her mother to join them in the city for the days leading up to the wedding, so she could be available to Rachel for any last-minute help, while still keeping her daughter close.
Despite being less than an hour away, Donna had only been back into the city a handful of times since she had left, avoiding any unnecessary meetings or errands whenever possible. It was a big city, but running into Harvey or any of her former colleagues was a risk she was unwilling to take.
As she stepped out of her car at the valet drop off, the cold New York air hit her like a ton of bricks. The smells, the sounds, the people bustling around her put her senses on high alert. Taking Eliza from her car seat and handing the attendant her keys, Donna and Clara made their way into the lobby of the Four Seasons. She knew Harvey wouldn't be staying at the hotel; he always preferred to go home to his condo after an event when he had the opportunity, no matter how nice the hotel was. Mike and Rachel and the rest of the guests would be there, though, so she handed off Eliza to Clara and suggested they take a look at some of the decorations on the opposite side of the lobby while she checked into their rooms.
…
Mike and Harvey sat at the bar in the hotel lobby, reminiscing on their last ten years working together over two heavy pours of scotch.
Harvey, although still broken from Donna's departure years before, had retook his position at the head of the firm, determined to not to let it derail his career entirely. Scottie came and went, now living in London, but back in the city every few months for business. He thought about marrying her, about settling down, but something was always holding him back. He resigned himself to a life alone, focused on work, not willing to let himself get swept away by another woman like Paula, or someone who was after him for his money.
He was happy for Mike. He and Rachel were good for each other, and he was grateful he had them in his life. He almost lost them to Seattle at one point; he would have been happy to see them succeed at their own firm, but when their offers fell through, he breathed a sigh of relief that he wasn't losing two more people he cared for.
Mike was cautious; it had been a long three years of walking on eggshells around Harvey; careful to never bring up Donna, or let on that he and Rachel were in communication with her. He knew his friend would never forgive him if he had known, and he wasn't willing to risk the already fragile relationship he and Rachel had with Donna to ever tell him. But they both knew the dams would break soon.
Donna had RSVP'd to the wedding, and although he and Rachel were excited to see their friend, he was worried about how Harvey would react. He had put a lot of work into himself over the years, going back to therapy, cutting back on his drinking, and Mike didn't want to see all of that derailed by the prospect of seeing the person who he blamed for the cause of his regression.
Just as the bartender handed them their second round, a flash of red hair caught Mike's attention over Harvey's shoulder, as Donna approached the check in desk.
Shit.
Harvey saw a look flash across his face, "What?"
Mike did his best to deflect, "Nothing, sorry, I – I just remembered I still have to go pick up –"
But his voice faltered when he saw a little girl with similar red hair running over to his friend at the desk.
"Mike, what –" before he could stop him, Harvey turned around in his seat and saw what it was that had left his friend speechless.
It had been three years since he saw her, the heartbroken look on her face as she walked out of his office after their fight burned into his memory ever since. And now there she was, standing 50 feet away from him.
She was as beautiful as ever; her long red hair flowing down over a soft navy dress. A change from the perfectly tailored designer clothes she had worn at the firm, but still elegant enough to make her shine in a crowd.
But when he saw her bend over and scoop a little girl into her arms, the world around him went silent. She looked to be a few years old, wearing a matching dress, a big navy bow in her strawberry blonde hair. He stared on as Donna peppered her face with kisses, a wide smile spread across her face as she looked at the toddler with love pouring from her eyes.
His mouth went dry, unable to form words as he felt panic rise inside him. His mind was racing. She was here; she had a child, she must have a husband somewhere not far behind. She had an entire life that he knew nothing about, and all of a sudden, he felt like the smallest man alive.
"Harvey –" Mike started cautiously.
"Did you know?" he asked, his eyes remained locked on the scene across the lobby.
Mike sighed, "She's Rachel's best friend, Harvey, we wanted her to be here."
Harvey nodded, a million questions forming in his brain. "This whole time, you've known where she was?"
Mike quickly shook his head, "No. We didn't hear from her for over a year after she left." Harvey's eyes met his with a questioning look as he went on. "She called Rachel one day out of the blue and they reconnected. Since then, we've only heard from her a handful of times. Rachel visited her two or three times, but I haven't seen her since she left."
Mike sighed as Harvey continued to stare in silence.
"We didn't know if she would come. She's hurting, Harvey, even when she tells us about her new job and her new friends, there's a sadness in her voice that she never had before. We just wanted to be there for her, for as much as she would let us in on."
"She looks pretty happy to me," Harvey huffed as his eyes darted back to Donna and the little girl giggling in her arms.
"Yeah, that" – he nodded towards the scene, "that is…definitely not something she shared with us. I'm just as surprised as you are on this one."
Confusion crossed Harvey's face. "You're telling me she didn't tell you and Rachel that she was married and had a kid?"
"That's exactly what I'm telling you."
It didn't make sense, if Mike was telling the truth, that he and Rachel had been in communication with Donna for the last year, that Rachel had gone to see her, she really hadn't told them about this? Donna was here for their wedding; did she not invite them to hers? Was she even married?
A flicker of hope darted through his brain.
"Harvey," Mike cut in, seeing the gears turning in his friend's head. "Are you going to be okay? I don't think she's here to cause any trouble, I think this is probably just as hard as it is for her as it is for you."
"She left us, Mike, I'm not inclined to care how hard this is for her."
Mike sighed, closing his eyes, "Come on, Harvey –"
"No. You don't get to defend her." His voice sharpened. "You are my friend, and you've been keeping this from me for years. The only reason I haven't punched you in the face yet is because I'm not enough of an asshole to make you walk down the aisle with a broken nose."
"I'm sorry, Harvey, but she's our friend too. She needed us, and we weren't going to risk losing her again."
"Bullshit she needed you; I needed you to be loyal to me." Harvey cut in.
"Can you please just try to understand where we're coming from?"
Harvey threw back what was left in his glass and slammed it down on the bar. "I'll see you at dinner," he stormed off.
…
7 –
Mike fiddled with his empty glass for a few minutes after Harvey left. The rehearsal dinner was in three hours, and he needed to figure out what was going on before Harvey started World War III.
He wanted to respect Donna's privacy, but he also needed to get answers.
He intercepted Donna just as she was pushing the elevator call button.
"If I had known you'd be bringing a guest, we would have given you a plus one."
Upon hearing Mike's voice, Donna spun around so fast she almost lost her balance. Still holding Eliza in her arms, her eyes went wide as she felt the world begin to crack around her.
"Mike…" she started, her voice shaky.
But Mike didn't hear her. His eyes were locked in on the brown eyes of the little girl in Donna's arms.
"Donnaaa…" Mike started "Is this…is she why…" he couldn't finish his question. And he already knew the answer.
Donna sighed, just as Clara walked over to them, "Mom, can you take her to the room? I'll meet you up there." She placed a kiss on Eliza's forehead as she passed her off.
Mike stood in silence until the elevator doors closed.
"You have to tell him."
"Mike –" she pushed. "I can't, he can't know, he –"
"He saw her."
Donna froze, panic completely overtaking her. "He's here?"
Mike nodded.
She shouldn't have brought Eliza to the city; it was a careless decision. She should have known someone would see her.
"Did he…does he think –"
"He thinks you're married. I tried to explain to him that Rachel and I didn't know anything, but I don't know if he believed me."
Donna swallowed hard, okay, he thinks she has a family, she could play that off –
"You could have told us, you know."
Tears began to form in Donna's eyes as she shook her head, "No, I couldn't have," she said quietly, "I was already asking too much of you."
Mike sighed, pulling Donna into his arms, as she let out a sob.
"It's going to be okay, we're going to be here for you now. Rachel is totally going to freak out, but she's going to be so excited."
Donna gave him a teary smile, "Thanks, Mike."
"What do you say you go get her and we bring her up to our room for a proper introduction?"
Donna nodded, still anxious, but excited to finally be able to share her daughter with the people she loved most.
…
When Rachel heard a knock on her door, she assumed Mike had forgotten his key. Throwing the door opened, shock covered her face when she was instead greeted by her best friend.
"Oh my god, Donna!" she gasped, leaping into her arms. "I can't believe you're really here."
Donna squeezed her friend, "We wouldn't miss it."
Rachel gave Donna a look, "We?"
Donna took a deep breath, "There's something that I've been keeping from you…" she paused, "I – I hope you can try to understand why, and I just…" she trailed off, "please don't freak out."
Rachel's eyes were locked on Donna as she stepped out of the door frame, taking Eliza from Mike who had been watching her in the hallway. When she returned with the little girl in her arms, Rachel's hands shot up to cover her mouth.
"You were right, Rach," she smirked, "it wasn't the wine."
Tears were pooling in Rachel's eyes as she looked at her best friend and the little girl who was a spitting image of her. She had so many questions, but was speechless. Her heart broke for her friend who had kept this to herself for nearly three years. If they hadn't known, there was no way that Harvey did…oh God, Harvey.
Rachel tried her best to pull herself together in front of the little girl who was staring at her with big brown eyes.
"Hi sweetie," she started gently, her hand brushing Eliza's arm. "Oh my god, Donna, she's beautiful."
Donna looked down at the girl, "Eliza, say hi to your Aunt Rachel."
A shy smile and timid, "hi," escaped the little girl's lips, and Rachel couldn't hold back her tears.
Mike appeared in the doorway behind them from his hiding spot in the hall, "What do you say I run downstairs and get a bottle of champagne and we celebrate?"
Donna gave him a questioning look.
"What?" Mike started with a smile, "I always wanted to be a big brother."
Donna huffed out a laugh, and the nerves she had been holding finally started to subside. She missed this; missed her friends and their banter the ease of being together. Still, the sinking feeling of knowing she would be seeing Harvey in a few hours remained, but she was determined to show up for her friends. Maybe a glass of champagne would do her some good.
Donna smiled at Mike, "I'd love that, as long as you guys don't mind me crashing? I'm going to bring this one to her grandma for a little nap, but I'll pop back over in 20 or so?"
"I'll walk you to the elevator," Mike smiled, and Rachel waved her goodbyes to Eliza.
…
8 -
Harvey sat on the couch in his hotel room, nursing a glass of scotch from the mini bar. He should be furious with Mike, but for some reason his anger was overcome by the feeling that had exposed itself since he saw Donna in the lobby. He couldn't believe she was really there; looking so flawless, exactly how he remembered her. He couldn't shake the image of her and the girl in her arms. He didn't know she had ever wanted a family, although looking back, he probably never asked.
But she had it now, had a whole life with someone he didn't even know. He knew nothing of the man she had chosen to be with, but he couldn't help but hate him. Hate him the way he hated Stephen, the way he hated the other men who took her away from him. And maybe, he hated her too.
He dropped his head into his hands, as he reminded himself that it was his fault, not hers, that she wasn't his.
As he poured another glass, he heard muffled music coming from the room next to him.
He froze when he realized what it was.
He could identify the soft saxophone of Gordon Specter anywhere.
Before his mind could catch up with his legs, he was in the hallway in front of the next room, fist pounding hard on the door.
…
Donna jumped when she heard the knocking; the familiar pattern that she had only heard a handful of times before, but that she could identify anywhere.
He's not seriously doing this right now, is he? She thought as she remained frozen, seated on the bed next to Eliza who had just drifted off to sleep.
She waited, hoping she could act like the room was empty.
"I can hear the music," a muffled voice came from the opposite side of the door.
Shit.
She was going to have to face him sooner or later. She made sure Eliza had slept through the commotion, tugging the blankets up around her, and walked over to the door.
Inhaling deeply, she unlatched the door, opening it just enough that he couldn't see all the way into the room.
Harvey swallowed hard as he looked at the woman in front of him. Without her normal heels, she was much shorter, a fearful look washed across her face.
He hadn't planned on doing this, not this way. And he surprised himself with his loss of words.
"Harvey -" she started softly.
"Sorry, I – " he stuttered, "I heard the music and I just… I don't know, shit, Donna – I shouldn't have –" Panic rose inside of him as he struggled to explain himself. Showing up at her hotel room, with her husband probably inside, fuck. What the fuck was he thinking?
Seeing the familiar wave of panic cross his face Donna started, "It's okay, but I – I have to get back to Rachel, can we –"
"Mommy?" Eliza's little voice called from the bed, cutting her off.
Now Donna was the one to panic. Turning from the doorway she called back, her voice gentle, but laced with anxiety.
"It's okay sweetie, go back to sleep, Mommy will be right there." She turned back to Harvey, resting her head on the door frame.
Harvey looked around nervously, the small child's voice reaffirming how much he was intruding in this moment.
"I'm sorry, Donna, I just –"
A pitter patter of footsteps caught them both off guard as Eliza appeared in the hallway behind Donna.
She was dressed in little plaid pajamas, holding a stuffed teddy bear, peering shyly out from behind Donna's left leg.
Donna, frozen in place, couldn't react quickly enough to her daughter's movements, as the little girl stepped out from behind her, looking up at the stranger in the doorway, a wide grin spread across her, reaching the corners of her big brown eyes.
Harvey was sure that the entire world had stopped moving around him.
Donna saw the look on his face, and closed her eyes, her head dropping down as she ran her hands through Eliza's hair.
"Mommy, look," Eliza looked up a Donna with a smile that broke her heart, "he has freckles like me."
…
Harvey didn't know how long he stood in silence looking at the little girl. She was beautiful; he didn't know it was possible to be so in love with a person the first time he laid eyes on them. But he should have known; because that's exactly how he felt when he met her mother 15 years ago in that bar.
Her mother, who had kept their daughter's existence from him for the last three years.
Anger started to overtake his body as his brain caught up to his heart.
When the tension became unbearable, Donna bent over and gave Eliza a kiss on the cheek, "Baby, why don't you go next door to Grandma's room and see if she wants to watch a movie?"
Delighted with the suggestion, Eliza gave another smile towards the stranger in the doorway, "do you want to watch a movie with us?" she asked shyly, in what was certain Harvey was the sweetest little voice he had ever heard.
His heart shattered, and Donna felt all of the air leave her chest.
He wanted to reach for her, to take her in his arms and hold her long enough to make up for not being in her life for the last three years.
But he couldn't, not yet.
He crouched down so he was at eye level with the little girl, who's name he didn't even know. Forcing a smile, he started gently, "I need to talk to your mom for a few minutes, but maybe if she says it's okay, we could watch a movie together soon, deal?" He held out his hand for a high five.
The little girl nodded excitedly, hitting her tiny hand against his, before running off.
As Harvey stood back up, Donna fought to hold back the tears pooling in her eyes. Watching Harvey interact with Eliza for the first time, the way her daughter took to him immediately – she couldn't believe she had chosen to keep him out of her life.
When Harvey was sure Eliza had gone into the other room, he started with the only question he could muster.
"How could you?"
"Harvey , I –" she shook her head as tears fell down her cheeks. "I just had to go."
"You had no right," his voice stronger as he stepped towards her.
"Harvey, please –"
"No, Donna, you don't get to act like the victim here. You left me and took my child with you. What the fuck kind of parent does that?"
Donna was sobbing now, gasping for air as she let the tears fall, the weight of the last three years shattering around her.
"The kind who didn't want her daughter to have to ever question if she was wanted," she managed to sputter out.
"And how does that make sense, Donna? To keep her from her father? You were basically guaranteeing that she would grow up thinking I didn't want her!"
"No, Harvey," she pushed back, "I was guaranteeing that she wouldn't grow up around someone who was only there when it was convenient for him. Around someone who could never decide what he wanted or when he wanted it. It was my job to protect her."
"Protect her from her own father?" he spat.
"Protect her from ever feeling the way you made me feel," she snapped back. "Protect her from feeling like an option, protect her from waiting around for you, protect her from wondering if you care about her or are just there because you feel like you have to be." She backed into the room and slumped down onto the bed, dropping her head into her palms.
Harvey's expression softened as he watched her breakdown.
Rubbing his forehead and cursing, he continued, "Shit, Donna, you didn't even give me a chance."
Donna looked up and huffed out a laugh, "A chance to do what? Choose to have a kid with a woman you don't love, that you pushed away, that you resented? Or what? Choose Paula – because you already did that twice and I sure as hell wasn't sticking around to watch you do it again."
An exasperated look crossed Harvey's face. "You're really going to make this about Paula? She and I haven't been together in over three years! I ended things with her the night you walked out on me, when I realized I made a mistake letting you go, but once again, you never gave me the chance to tell you, you just ran away."
Donna shook her head.
"You can't expect me to believe things ended that night, not when –" she drifted off, the weight of her unfinished sentence hanging between them.
"When what?"
"I wanted to tell you about her, Harvey," Donna started quietly. "The day I found out I was pregnant, I called you…" she trailed off, wiping her eyes. "I called you, and Paula answered."
She looked up at him, her eyes red and puffy from crying, and Harvey's heart broke all over again.
He shook his head, "I don't understand, I, we never, I haven't seen her –"
The night his call to her went through. The night Paula showed up.
Harvey didn't know who he hated more in this moment; the woman who kept his child from him, or the one who made her feel like she had to.
He sat down on the bed next to her. He was still furious, but he was starting to put some of the pieces together.
"I didn't know," he said quietly.
"Yeah, I didn't exactly believe Paula when she said she'd let yew know I colled," she huffed out in a mocking British accent.
Harvey laughed for the first time since he barreled over to her room.
Donna turned to him, exhausted from the truth being out, and gave him a soft smile.
"I'm sorry, Harvey. In the moment I really believed I was doing what was best for all of us. But there hasn't been a day that's gone by since I found out I was pregnant that I didn't wish you could be there."
Harvey had tears in his eyes as he nodded, "I don't really know where we go from here, I can't just act like she isn't mine, I don't want to –"
Donna cautiously placed her hand on his arm, "I don't want you to either, Harvey. But there's still a lot we need to talk about, and I don't want to rush –"
She was once again cut off by the sound of little feet barreling down the hall from the connecting room.
"MOMMY!" Eliza yelled as she jumped into Donna's lap on the bed, an oomph escaping as she caught the little girl's impact. "Grandma fell asleep. Can I have ice cream?"
Donna laughed as she held the little girl close, "Oh sweetie, you are really killing it with the grand entrances today."
Harvey smiled as he looked at the two of them together. He wanted to hate Donna for leaving, for lying, for keeping her away from him, but staring into his daughter's eyes, all he wanted to do was thank her for bringing her into this world.
"Pleeeease, Mommy," she pouted towards Donna who gave her a kiss on the forehead. "You know what, baby, I think we could all use some ice cream." She gave Harvey a cautious glance.
Eliza turned to face the stranger that she remained entirely unphased by and hopefully asked, "Do you like ice cream?"
Harvey beamed, "I love ice cream."
Eliza's eyes went wide, "What kind?"
"I usually like vanilla, but when I want something extra special, I get a big bowl of strawberry," he gave Donna a look.
Eliza opened her mouth in disbelief, "Strawberry is MY favorite too!" she exclaimed. "Mommy can we pleeeease get strawberry ice cream?"
Donna laughed, "You two are going to be the death of me. Yeah, baby, we can get ice cream. But you can't go in your pajamas. Can you go put your dress back on?"
As Eliza ran to find her clothes, Donna started, "You don't have to come, I know it's a lot, and I know you're upset and we have so much to talk about –"
"Donna," Harvey cut in, "I'm not going to pretend like I'm not angry." He paused, "This is the last thing that I expected to happen this weekend, and I just," he sighed, "I don't know what to think about all of it. I don't know how we move forward." He saw a flash of fear in Donna's eyes. "I have every intention of being in her life, it's just going to take some time for me to forgive you for lying to me for all these years."
Donna nodded quietly, tears reappearing in her eyes. "I understand."
"But right now," he gave her a weak smile, "my priority is getting to know her, and if that means eating strawberry ice cream in 20-degree weather, then that's what I'm going to do."
A rush of warmth washed through Donna's body followed by a wave of guilt. How could she ever have thought he wouldn't love his own daughter?
"I want to try to do this the right way; she's used to it just being the two of us, it's going to be a big change," she said quietly.
Harvey nodded, "We can do it however you think is best. But Donna, I'm serious about having a relationship with her. If you think you can just leave with her again –"
Donna reached for his arm, "I won't, Harvey. You have my word. She's usually pretty shy, but she's clearly already taken a liking to you," she smirked.
Harvey smiled, "Well it might be a good start if we had a formal introduction."
Donna nodded, a smile creeping across her face. "Elizabeth Rhodes Paulsen. May 12th, 2019. 6lbs 4oz. 20 inches long."
Tears pooled in Harvey's eyes, "Elizabeth?"
Donna nodded, "Eliza, most days. Occasionally, Lizzie P, Rho Rho, Chunky Monkey, Baby Spice, you know, just to have options."
Harvey snorted, "Jesus, Donna, she's going to have an identity crisis before she turns 5."
"Well good thing she'll have her daddy who has an identity crisis every time he has a bad hair day," she retorted before she even realized what she'd said.
Daddy.
The line hung in the air between them as Donna shifted in her seat, "I'm sorry, Harvey, that was too much –"
He was someone's dad.
He had been in the room for nearly an hour, and although he had been wrestling through the situation with Donna since he arrived, for the first time it really hit him. He had been so wrapped up in the facts of Donna's wrongdoing that he hadn't taken the time to fully accept what this really meant.
Eliza was his daughter. He and Donna had a daughter. The moment they shared in her office, the one that he resented her for for so long, had created the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.
She was his.
"Harvey," Donna asked cautiously, watching the gears turning.
He looked up at Donna, eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears. "We have a daughter," his lip trembling as he struggled to fight back the sobs that threatened to escape him.
Taken aback by Harvey's sudden change in demeanor, Donna instinctively reached for him, allowing him to fall into her as he sniffled quietly.
"We do." She ran her hand up and down his back. "She's perfect, Harvey, you're going to love her."