15 years later… (ARROZAT DE-DUMIEO-SE'GUN)

They locked me in a cell, alone with reeds and white walls I stained with my hands as I felt their strength around me. I had a window above my head with bars, a wooden cell door, and I was left alone in my clothes, nothing to wash the blood off my hands with…I rubbed off what I could with the reeds on the floor, it only added to the mess I was in. I did not know what would happen to my father, Kalare, the wood we had worked together to cut, the wagon…I worried what Dahna would do, and what she would be going through when we did not come home at the regular hour…Thorolf was no place for a lone drellahna who was barely twelve.

It was the longest afternoon and evening of my life, and I knew that things were dismal. I remember what my father had said about offering his life, and I hoped it would not be so drastic…A tierra was fine, I suppose, but my father's life?…My own?…I had regret about the drell who died…I did not believe I had killed him…I only tried to help her, and he had died in my effort to prevent us from being run over by Kalare…The damn rooker that likely wanted to protect me became my problem…I'm certain now that's how Nelwyn Sousan saw me.

I did not see my father again, not after we were parted.

His body was hung from the pole above the Craig's entrance at the govannon's order next. Hundreds who were in the Crandal could see the body go up, and for the rest of the evening it lasted until someone took the body down.

I was in a kirtana not long after the latter.

I had a glimpse of what I thought was a white drellahna from my view of the docks the boat had left from…The men with me thought it was a mithra, I thought it could be Dahna…How she was there, I had no understanding then…I may have been looking at a mithra like the men said…I believe she waved back at me when I did so first.

When I could no longer see the shore, I continued to look for this dream.

Mercede was everything out of a nightmare. I was shoved and dragged in chains up a dark stair, where wind and rain threatened to topple one off the side of the mountain…Mercede was a chain of islands in the Bearchan, somewhere between the Birutise'aha and Suiaghan. It was cold and dreary, the stones black and covered in mold or seaweed. I thought the world ended here, and we would go into its very bowels.

I was at least accompanied by other poor souls…None like myself, but they were friendly and did not care that I was Tyrannus removed.

We were herded into a room, stripped out of our clothes by beasts of drell, and each one of us was washed down with water cold as ice…We were scrubbed and cleaned with dry moss, our skins shone when they were done, but we were uncomfortable…We were measured and tested naked, and some of us received some form of medicine that made us sick to our stomachs…We were thrown into cells made of rock that fell a foot down into damp rags…Over the time that went by, I had visions…I became afraid of the light when it came through a hole in the roof of my cell…Something in the medicine made it hard to tolerate…I did not have the will to leave for fear of the brightness outside some days.

When we were taken out of our cells, we were given rags to wear and forced to run. One drell collapsed and was beaten until he no longer moved…He was carried away by some of the trainees, I suppose that's what we were.

A month into this training, we were lifting rocks of every shape and size we could handle…Many were injured…I suffered many cuts and bruises, but I was fortunate. One drell killed himself by laying down with a rock on his chest in a hidden slip of the caves we trained inside…

It was a bad memory, to have found him that way…

Mercede gave one the feeling of being crushed, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute…Every second was an effort to breathe…

We were being ground down as much as possible…They wanted to see what would come out in the end besides blood and bowels and vomit.

I eventually snapped…It took three men to subdue me, but I had already broken the bones of six…I guess they went gentler on me after that…I woke a month later, having been comatose…They liked me for that, said I was difficult to kill and I had learned those I injured some new lessons…

They were thanes, and I had beaten them before they cracked my skull and nearly killed me…

My body was stupid to pain and damage…I wanted to die and it would not let me…My mind I willed to go mad, but it remembered everything with terrible clarity and logic…I thought I was mental, that something was wrong with me, but they told me it was good breeding…My father and my mother were both hunters…My father had been a skilled thane, one of the first, and my mother was a warrior with the rest of her clan…I learned in the beginning wars for control over the Birutise'aha, her clan had been wiped out due to the threat they posed…People liked my father too…Bor's hanging him was to send the clear message—those with power that could threaten his own would be killed and hung for all to see.

Bor hated my father due to his likability…He saw a weapon, and a threat…Getting him out of the Craig was his goal, and finding him again, he wanted to make sure he would never get a second chance.

He treated me with a distance, but he ended up liking me.

I did not have any friends save the brotherhood thanes I grew up with, and the people I had to befriend if but to kill later.

So Bor took me in and used me the way he needed me for…to kill his enemies.

Cuillean took another look at the map and raised his head slowly, "…You don't need to go over the walls if you can have me go under them."

Bor turned from his chest of drinks, "…What do you mean send you under them."

"I could follow the sewers to the cottus, rise out and kill Sedeclu."

"Sewers," Bor made a face that made him appear much thinner in the jaw, "…You will be filthy…Fine, if you think that will spare my men from attacking dead on, do it, but go back to Mercede and clean yourself off there before you report to me…if you survive."

"I will," Cuillean paused, "…Sered Kratos, may I ask for an advance on my payment for this task?…"

"That's not how we do it, Cuillean."

"It will be different, I know, but I need to purchase some equipment in case I need to rely on an alternate plan…"

"How much," Bor grumbled, "…and what if you fail."

"I won't…By now you know I am a fulfilled promise, Sered…Please, advance me the monet, in fact, give me double, and if I fail, I will pay you back triple with interest…"

"And if you die?"

"I assure you, it will not end that way."

Bor scrutinized the thane straightening above the maps on his war table, "…You are quite full of yourself, Cuillean…I like you, but don't make me hate you."

Cuillean bowed, "…Never, Bor, Sered, I can only make you begrudge me a little."

I received my pay, did my mission, and using not a single coin from the advance, executed a prestigious Tyrannus patriarch, giving another seat in the Craig to a Kratos ally…

The monet I used to by building supplies and barrels, and had these sent to a place in Alpana, where I later went to retrieve…I had my first dealings with the Borhala.

I believe they thought they owned the forested valley I was to build my secret cottus in…I had to sway their leader with some coinage, but inevitably they allowed me to pass my materials unhindered…

They were curious about me, the Borhala being mostly young bannon who drifted away from their origins and found each other…They recruited among the unlikeliest places, usually in the woods.

I built a house with my hands…At this time, I had only the desire to build, I was so busy with tearing down lives.

It reminded me of preparing wood for my father to shape and build our furniture, of the days when I was a woodcutter.

It was pleasant and I had to learn something new now and again, which was nice…My teachers at Mercede looked to me by now for lessons.

I wondered what I would do with it once it was built, and when I was done, I had no need of it…I slept either in Mercede, the Crandal, the Craig, anywhere I chose…I slept in warm quarters with plush beds and fine pillows, furs from exotic creatures and wilds…I didn't know what to do with it, so I gave it to the Borhala.

I returned to work, plying away at the missions Bor and Mercede gave me to do…Did I think of my sister, my father, my past?…All the time, but as a thane you must put that into a place inside your mind where you only look at it when you can…and when you can is a hard choice…

I remembered them, but I could do nothing for them…

My father was dead, my sister a mystery…She never showed in any place I went over the eastern shore of the Birutise'aha…I hoped that was a good thing, as it meant Bor had not found her and my father could sleep with my mother in peace.

For a time, I was neither content nor angry…I existed. I never thought to kill myself again, I absorbed all that I learned instead…Knowledge was a powerful thing, and hiding my knowledge was far more interesting. Bor could not feel threatened by me, so I would have to deliberately make mistakes for him to catch, or for Narcissus to berate me about and through him deliver these tidbits of errors to Bor's teness.

Then Bor would make fun of me for it, and it would make him feel better—as if I were no threat to him, when very much it was the case.

I never heard about what had happened to my father during his trial in my place in the Craig…I might have been of a different mind set, and a little more hurried to kill Bor for it.

But I bided my time, allowing Narcissus to tell me what he wanted me to hear.

Many of my missions were focused on moving Kratos's allies into power…Bor wanted to be Govannon if not a king, and those who agreed with him and preferred to help him for sheer fear of their lives had me to thank for their promotions…The Sousan were his rival, and while I worked for Bor to see his desires gained, the Sousan had their own ways to reach and hold onto power…Mostly wealth, and the strange durril they took from the ground below their city…

The Sousan were untouchable…I had to find ways around killing them directly, but even through the enmities I created against them, they were likable and rich…

Their people loved them, and Pilar was a scoundrel, and he taught his daughter how to be one as well.

Most of Bor's plans for them were thwarted, and I had a dilemma—even before I pledged myself to Nelwyn's service, I made deliberate efforts to avoid bringing harm to the treasach…

If ever the drell were to reach for a leader, it would be Pilar whom I would vote for…

He was of the few who spoke in my father's defense, and of the few who wrote the laws with him by their tenesses.

I watched Mercede grow and develop a sound army of thanes…We had High Seers, High Paladins, High Thanes, servants, messengers, hara, hara assassins, Daughter of Mercede, and regular thanes…We branched upwards and the school became a fortress and then an intelligence center…We were developing new weapons and plans all the time…

I already was teaching others how to kill.

I had a knack for it…Blame my father.

Narcissus got older, I grew wiser, and gradually we had developed quite the society in that Isle…

And Bor's reach was growing.

It was while I had gone to receive another mission that I was passing through the Crandal's major plaza outside the Craig…I walked the lane where it had all happened for myself, my father, with Nelwyn and Borachio and Kalare…I never knew what happened to the old rooker…Tille and Tihalt were just as much orphans as Dahna and myself turned out to become.

There she was, selling shoes…Not bad shoes either…She had to have some skill to be selling at the stall outside the venue where so many patriarchs for the Kerhasi came through by.

She was darling…Nothing bright or mesmerizing, but a simple, classic beauty…I watched her for long spells, often breaking away from my responsibilities to dote around the plaza and keep an eye on her…I wanted to speak to her, and for one who could spin lies and flatteries to every type of ego in that world I was fluent in, I could never think of what I would say to her.

So I approached one day when it was warm and no clouds came by, and I tossed a bag of coin on the ground at her feet, "…I'll take all of them." She looked at me as if I were mad…

I was mad in love, and it made me stupid.

She gave me all her shoes and the change, but I insisted she keep the change and I went to a stall and tossed the shoes inside…

I was at a loss, both financially and witwise…I could see her talking to others who had no issue speaking normally to her…

I was a thane, what social skills had I lost?

I left to go on missions, but a week later I was back…She was still selling shoes, considerably less, but shoes of good quality.

This time I followed her home…She did not like that.

I left as soon as she realized it was me…but I was addled and I had to woo her…

I would leave gifts for her, sometimes rare gifts that I should have not given for it brought attention to her door…She lived in a one room hovel among the city's walls, and she had paid for it with her earnings making shoes…The place was cluttered and she had a chair to sleep on…In a way, it was like my cell once back on Mercede, but with white walls instead of black stone…

She caught me one time leaving her a bold message: a pure white teresha with the brightest pink veins…I had just taken my fingers from it when she opened the wood slats of her door and stared at me.

I felt very small then…To me, she was ten drell high.

"Why are you leaving me these gifts," Melanctha stared at the drell huddled over the small flower.

He said nothing, but stepped back and pulled his hands into his cloak.

"Speak, Thane," she said, and I looked at her as if she thought she were my master. She looked stricken at how she had just spoken to me, and proceeded to apologize, "…You won't say anything to me but leave me presents or demand to buy my stocks…I'm sorry, I don't know what to say to you to…to…" She did not know what to say either.

"My name is Cuillean."

"Bor's thane, yes, I've heard of you," she backed up towards her door, "…I am Melanctha."

"That…It is good to hear it."

"I'm…I'm not selling anything tonight, only at the stall in the espowyes…Did you want to place an order?"

"I would like to…" What does one say to a drellahna? "I am glad to see you are well."

"What? Well?" She blinked at me.

I picked up the teresha, "…I have this for you…"

"I can't accept that…It's very expensive to buy those…Go give it to a hara drellahna, they have those types of things…"

She closed the door on me.

I left the teresha on her doorstep, and from then on resolved not to scare her anymore.

The next time I saw her in the Crandal was a month passed that night…She was alone in her stall, working on some leather when she ran across the espowyes to stop me from passing through on my way to the Craig.

"I made this for you," she passed a cloth wrapped around a warm bun filled with meat in it.

I believe she knew I liked them, since the first time I approached her stall and bought all of her shoes, and I had been eating a bachstere while watching her before summoning the resolve.

I asked her if she would wait for me that day on the edge of the espowyes, and she said yes.

I believe I paid no attention to any of the meetings inside the Craig, so excited was I to have gotten a yes from her instead of a go away…and bachstere!…By my own wisdom I should have avoided eating it lest someone try to poison me through her, but I ate it slowly all day, relishing the taste and tenderness of the meat…

It gave me thrills with each nibble…

Had I ever felt such a way in my life?

She waited for me as promised, and I told her where to meet me so we would not be seen walking together…

We met up again on the water, below a wall that was a blind to any sentries above.

We talked, and we only talked.

I was amazed by her shyness…We did not talk about ourselves, no…We talking about the waves, the rocks, the boats, the sky…Anything but ourselves and what we were. It was different talking to someone about nothing…It was more than that, really, but I was not in plans or devisements of cruelty and cunning…Melanctha talked about her craft if ever she did get technical, but we would go back to giggling about this or that we saw in the Crandal, mostly her seeings because what I saw could not be passed beyond my lips.

I complimented her bachstere, of course, right off I did…She told me she had purchased it and I felt deflated.

But then it was with the monet she had earned from her own good honest labor, not from killing people or learning lies and truths.

When she had to go back to her cotti, I wanted to walk with her…and I couldn't…

So I followed her where others would not see me, nor she be aware I was there.

She looked so innocent alone, delightfully beautiful without being that bred design…She was simple, oblivious and not…She just did not pay the things I did any attention because, well, it was not her responsibility.

We met again and again beneath the wall and talked more and more about nothing…It was blissful. I think she was starting to like me, for she touched my hand and my clothes that were near her by accident, and then more deliberately…There was nothing sinful about, but it was the touches and caresses of friendship and growing trust…

I knew I had her one day when she was laughing and bumped her head against my chin, and then she looked at me and said sorry…A very serious sorry…

I ran into that pit of wordless idiocy.

Usually a thane realizes that when the prey is cornered, he or she pounces and kills…Talk about a blunder…

I think my silence unnerved her and she left me there because of it.

I was worried I had done something wrong, and terrified of her saying she did not want to see me again, so I never looked for her nor crossed the espowyes she had her stall in…

In hindsight, I am ashamed of what I did…

I had become a coward in her moment of complete trust…

Weeks went by and it rained…Bor had had no terrible use of me that day and he was angry about something, clearing everyone from his chambers…He locked everyone out and I had nothing to do but let him wind down and break what he would in his time alone…

I was not in a good mood either…I had been feeling the regret and hesitation about not seeking Melanctha forever since I last saw her and she had bumped my chin with her brow…

Not knowing what to do with myself and having no master to put my hands to work, I wandered to the water in the rain…I sought the wall where we used to hide and talk, listening to the echo of our voices rising and falling among the bottom hollow and the smooth sea rocks…

She was there, looking out to sea, and in her hand was the withered teresha I had given her when she discovered me.

She had missed me, and she had also been embarrassed by what she perceived as my lack of interest in her…She looked startled when she saw me standing under the wall suddenly…Her clothes were wet, mine were too.

"Cuillean?"

Her voice nearly broke me open…I asked her to marry me on the spot.

She did not know what to say to that…So I took off my cloak and lay it upon her, and sat down and looked at her face.

"I love you, I think, Melanctha Roue."

"Really?"

I bumped her brow with mine.

I was an idiot…It seemed the only idiot language I knew…She kissed my nose after that.

I couldn't make love to her there, or be seen kissing her, so we set up a few plans for her to travel, and I would be along…

In hindsight, sending her off by herself was not the brightest idea, but thankfully she made it to Alpana. She was all right…I was more of the mess until she hugged me.

I showed her how to find the cottus and we went there, and I proposed to her with my knife…She made a cut on her tebris under her chin, and I made a cut on my lip for her.

She undressed, and I undressed, and we lay together in the cottus I had cleared of all Borhala before the night.

She was my first.

I will never forget that night…not that a drell could, curse and bless our memories lasting. I loved her, and she loved me, and we shared each other's venom, and not longer after she was become pregnant with my child.

Now I must see to their survival.