On Tuesday and Thursday mornings, Bella drove to Port Angeles for her two classes at Peninsula College. Her conversation with Mrs. Lerond at the library had made the rounds through the Forks gossip circles, eventually culminating in a phone call from Mike Newton offering to carpool with her. He and Jessica were off-again, for the time being, and Bella had been forced to improvise a variety of excuses. Luckily their schedules didn't align enough for it to make any sense, beyond Mike's ever-reliable crush on her. She dreaded the day he and the rest of the town noticed the sudden lack of a 6 foot 7 Jacob in her life.

The drive from Forks to the small campus took nearly an hour in her truck, but the slow speed allowed her to crack the windows as she moved along the curving highway. The world looked the same as it had when Bella first moved back to Forks two years earlier. Constant drizzle that rarely built into real storms, cold that clung to her body and sank into her bones, piles of snow at the edges of parking lots that never fully melted. As she made the drive back and forth two days each week, the cold air spread through the truck's cab, turning her fingers pink and stiff. But she enjoyed the sound of it, the wind rustling through the trees and her tires cutting through the water on the road.

'Introduction to Economics' and 'Business 101' were not particularly exciting, especially because Bella had already read the textbooks and knew most of the material. But she took notes meticulously for the first two weeks of the class and completed all of the assignments. The days of January passed at a crawl, and school was a nice distraction, as it had been a year earlier. Community college was also, thankfully, not high school. The only people that spoke to her were her neighbors in the classroom. Polite chatter about the weather, the homework and assigned reading, 'did you enjoy your weekend?'

When she arrived home on the third Tuesday of this routine, Bella found a message from Charlie on the pad next to the phone. Renee called to talk about college. I slipped and told her about you and Jake, sorry!

Bella groaned and dropped her backpack onto the floor at her feet. She did not for a second believe that Charlie had accidentally let slip his concern that her breakup had pushed her to the edge of another mental breakdown, and now she had to spend the next however long reassuring Renee. Her finger hit the wrong buttons as she angrily punched in the number. Bella hung up, made herself take a calming breath, then redialed.

Phil's parents had given him and Renee cell phones for Christmas, but Bella still barely expected her mother to pick up the first time. Keeping track of the charger, finding the little device in her purse or car, recognizing the new ringtone; all of these were challenges for her mother, which Bella had foreseen immediately when her mother first called from the new number.

Surprisingly, Renee's cheerful voice answered within a few rings, "hello?"

"Hey, Mom," Bella said.

"Bella!" The happy tone somehow rose in pitch, nearly shrill. "Oh my gosh, are you okay? Charlie told me you and Jacob broke up. What happened?"

Bella assumed Charlie hadn't mentioned the other woman factor, which was a relief. "Well, we broke up."

"Bella," Renee whined.

"I don't know, Mom," Bella shut her eyes and leaned against the counter, "We both realized it wasn't going to work out long term, we're not meant for each other."

"Oh, baby. You can't always wait around for fireworks. I thought you two were great together."

Bella swallowed nervously. "I know…I think we were just better off as friends."

"Hmm," Renee hummed disapprovingly. "He's such a good guy, you don't want to give it another shot?"

"No. It's over."

"That's such a shame. Charlie said he'd been in love with you for a long time."

"It just didn't work out. The breakup was mutual."

Renne gave a judgemental huff, obviously not believing her. "Is this about Edward?"

The hair at the back of Bella's neck rose defensively. "No, it's not about Edward. It's about me and Jacob not being right for each other. That's all."

"He was so good for you, Bella. I just don't want you to get all depressed again."

"I won't," Bella insisted. At this exact second, she was more annoyed than anything.

Another disbelieving sigh. "I sure hope so."

It would have been easy to tell her Jacob had moved on already, but Bella's stomach twisted at the idea. She didn't want Renee imagining her as the jilted lover in an opera, doomed to life as a spinster. At least Charlie did her the courtesy of pretending to believe her when she said she was alright.

Bella shook off the discomfort and tried to infuse some brightness in her tone. "That's not why you called in the first place, is it?"

"Oh!" Like flipping a switch, Renee's mood shifted instantly. "I wanted to ask how your classes are going? Are you enjoying it?"

Relief flooded Bella's system at the easy change of subject. "Yeah, it's going well. It's nothing like highschool."

"I remember that," Renee chuckled, "and you were too mature for high school before you even finished elementary school."

"It's definitely nice to be able to go to the restroom without permission. And everyone else in the class pays attention, no one throws anything across the room."

"Sounds wonderful, and definitely helps me decide not to go back to teaching again. What classes are you taking again?"

"Business and Economics."

"Oh…do you like them?"

"So far I do. It's interesting, and not too difficult. And it's useful stuff."

"Well, that's good I guess."

Both of them chuckled, and Bella was preparing for the conversation to meet a clumsy end, when Renne continued, "Actually Bella, that's also not why I called earlier."

Bella's stomach sank nervously. "What is it?"

"I wanted to tell you when you were here for Christmas, but Phil thought it was better to wait until I'd gone to the doctor…"

"Mom, just tell me," Bella interrupted. A thousand possibilities rushed in Bella's head. Of course, she would have to go to Jacksonville if her mother's condition was serious.

But Renee's voice was not serious when she spoke again, it was giddy, almost girlish. "I'm pregnant!"

Bella's brain shorted, her mouth hung open. The plastic casing of the telephone creaked ominously as her hand tightened around it.

"Bella? Did you hear me? I said I'm pregnant! I'm gonna have a baby!"

"I heard you." Her voice sounded fragile, and silence held between them for a moment until Bella continued, "Congratulations, that's wonderful."

"Isn't it?" Renee enthused. "We've been trying for a while now, Phil is over the moon. He's already signing up for classes and reading baby books. The poor doctor wasn't sure what to do with him asking a million questions."

"That's sweet."

"He'll be a great dad, don't you think?"

"Sure he will."

She squealed with excitement. "Bella, I'm so excited! This will be just the thing to keep me from going into a slump in my 40's. You know how easily I get bored with life, but everything is exciting when you have a baby. Will you come stay with me when it's born? I'll need some help and you always wanted a brother or sister when you were little."

Never once, in all her years, had Bella wanted a little sibling. She assumed this was a childhood dream of Renee's that was being projected onto her. She swallowed and responded slowly, "I guess I could come for a few weeks. When's the due date?"

"We're not sure yet. July, probably. Maybe you could come spend the summer here, before you start your classes in the fall? Or Florida State has a campus not far from our house."

Bella's head rushed, she closed her eyes and slumped heavily against the counter.

"I'll look at the dates," Bella said, guilt already swelling in her stomach at her reluctance to commit to helping her mother.

"Great! Let me know what you find out. I have another doctor's appointment in February, hopefully they'll be able to give us a date. We have to decide whether to learn the gender too. I didn't know about you because the tech wasn't so popular back then. But now they can find out with 99% accuracy or something. Maybe it would be fun to know, to shop and decorate and stuff, but the surprise was fun too! What do you think?"

Bella kept her eyes shut. "I don't know. Do you have a preference?"

Renee hummed in consideration. "Maybe I'd like a boy, because I haven't had one before and it would be new. But also I think girls are easier, and I already know all about raising a daughter. Phil is saying he doesn't care either way, but I think he'd love a boy to play baseball with."

"Yea."

"But then, he'd also be a great girl dad too. And he could switch to softball or something if he wanted. Hopefully they'll get his athletic ability instead of the clumsiness you inherited from somewhere."

Bella chuckled obligingly. Renee's phone buzzed on the other side of the line.

"Oh! I'm getting another call, I gotta go, baby. I love you!"

"Love you too."

When the line went dead, Bella returned the phone to its cradle on the wall with a click. Then she put her hands on the counter and stared at her fingertips. For several moments, the sound of her breathing seemed to grow louder and louder. Then her heartbeat joined in until the silence of the room outside of her body was stealing her ability to breathe.

Bella rushed out of the house, only stopping once she was outside to pull on her shoes, coat, and hat, then she rushed towards the road and started walking. Her mind quieted instantly when the fresh air filled her lungs. The tightness in her chest released and Bella was finally able to think. The concepts of her mother and a baby did not fit together in Bella's mind. Phil and a baby was easier to imagine, he was paternal, in a young, goofy sort of way, but responsible and loving from what Bella knew. And with enough family money to pay for anything he couldn't provide a child himself. But when Renee tried to put Renee's face on her memories of maternal figures from TV or movies, the picture was blurry and imprecise.

A few blocks from Charlie's house, there was a gravel trail that led to the main street of town. In the summer, it was well used by tourists, but the rest of the year the only traffic was the town of Forks' handful of dedicated joggers and teenagers sneaking around - Mike had informed her during a shift at the store.

Once she was among the trees, the quiet calm of the forest soothed Bella's roiling emotions like a warm blanket. Absorbed in her thoughts, she walked along the path as it curved through the mossy undergrowth of the ancient forest.

The shock of Renee's announcement faded and Bella was left with a revolving door of emotion. Disbelief to anxiety to hurt to relief and back again.

Disbelief both at Renee's excitement and Bella's own reaction. Her mother had never seemed happier than when she began her life of unattachment with Phil, but her joy had been entirely genuine. Somehow in the interim, Renee had swung between chasing freedom to idealizing motherhood, despite her constant struggle with being tied down for Bella's entire life. Most of the disbelief however, Bella felt towards herself. For as long as she could remember, she'd felt a rush of responsibility towards her mother, whenever Renee revealed even the slightest need. At times, the feeling had been almost overwhelming, a crushing desperation to take charge, to fix, to comfort. But now, there was nothing similar, only dread and lingering guilt.

Anxiety, because Bella knew Renee had never taken care of her in such isolation. She had Phil, of course, and a dozen separate groups of friends from her various hobbies. But Bella's younger years had been protected by Charlie, his parents, the Blacks and Clearwaters then later, her grandmother. Had Renee ever been alone with her for any length of time? From there, the anxiety spiraled towards Renee's request. Inevitably, she would want Bella to stay longer, to be the responsible one as she always had been. Without the desire to care for her mother, Bella felt only the stress of the situation, so often repressed in her younger years.

When the hurt surfaced, it lingered for a while. Because Bella hadn't even known Renee and Phil were trying to get pregnant. Because two years earlier, she'd called her mother her best friend, and now it felt like they were living on separate planets. Because Bella was nineteen years old, and all of her cultural conditioning was telling her that her mother should be excited about grandchildren, not starting all over again with a new child. Because it hurt to realize that she didn't trust her mother to do this without putting all the burden on someone else, and it hurt to look back at her own childhood and dread the thought of someone else having the same experience. Because she would have to tell Charlie, that the only woman he'd ever loved had completely and entirely moved on, only thinking of him when she thought to call their shared daughter. Because, despite all her best efforts, Bella had never been enough to keep her mother entertained.

The relief was the most surprising. It came, inevitably, with thoughts of Edward. With the thick green of the forest surrounding her, she felt deeply connected to him. When she closed her eyes, she could feel his presence, as surely as if he'd been walking beside her. Her mother would have another child. Somehow the idea completely confirmed Bella's feeling that the human life she'd been living all this time was not meant for her.

Eventually, the path spit her out into the parking lot behind the grocery store. Bella put her hands in her pockets and found a crumpled 5-dollar bill. The sky was already darkening, she would have to call Charlie for a ride or walk to the station. At the idea, she was abruptly frustrated with herself for the impulsive 2 mile walk. He would ask questions, and be worried, Bella shook her head at herself as she crossed the lot.

The 5 dollars bought her a soda, a bag of pretzels, and two candy bars. She took her haul to the bench outside and ate, weighing the potential fallout of using her change on the payphone or just showing up at Charlie's office.

"Bella?" Someone called.

Bella turned to look at the store's exit, fearing Mrs. Newton or another of the town's gossips. Instead, it was Julia, with a cart full of paper bags and a warm smile, her winter-weather outfit as colorfully mismatched as the last time.

"Hi, Julia," Bella responded.

Julia approached her bench, and Bella instinctively gathered her things to make room, then felt embarrassed at the action.

"It's getting dark, are you waiting for someone?"

"No, I walked here," Bella confessed easily, "I'm debating whether I should call my dad or walk to the station. Not sure which one would make him worry less."

Julia huffed in amusement. "Come on, I'll give you a ride."

"No, it's okay," Bella insisted, but she was already standing, "I don't want to bother you."

With a wave of her hand, Julia gestured to the handle of her shopping cart. "No bother, you can do this."

Bella followed her to the familiar SUV, dark green under the layer of dirt and dust. Julia unlocked the trunk, then walked towards the driver's door. "Just load everything up. Shift stuff around if there isn't room."

The backseats were folded down, revealing an expanse of scratchy fabric covered in dirt, leaves, seed, flower petals, twigs, and sand, all presumably leaking from the potted plants and buckets of drying herbs and seed pods. Bella shoved the heavier items aside and heaved the bags into the car. Julia started the engine, releasing a hot burst of gasoline-scented exhaust and the radio immediately started blaring music.

Bella shut the trunk door and pushed the cart back to its place at the entrance of the store. When she returned to the car, Julia was in the process of throwing things from the passenger seat into the back.

"Sorry about all this, I cleaned it out a few days ago," Julia said.

"That's okay."

The radio station had gone to an advertisement, so Julia turned down the volume. Warm air blasted from the vents making Bella shiver, suddenly aware of how cold she'd become while sitting outside. As Bella pulled on her seatbelt, Julia shifted the gear stick and reversed out of the spot. By the time she pulled out onto the road, the sky was already darkening in the East, an orangy-gray to charcoal gradient spreading across the clouds.

"Did you find the mushrooms you were looking for?" Bella blurted, somehow free from the expected embarrassment of clumsy conversation.

"A few, mostly we go for tradition sake. My dad always took us on New Year's Day when I was young."

"Charlie always took me to get pancakes on the morning after the Fourth of July."

Julia grinned, her cheeks went a little pink. "That's sweet."

The radio station switched back to music, and the two women sat quietly for a few minutes. Julia seemed to know the way to Charlie's house, navigating the streets with complete confidence. Strangely, Bella felt a warm comfort spread in her belly, to have this near-total stranger not only know who she and Charlie were, but where they lived. It was hard to feel lonely when everyone around knew who she was and where she belonged.

"I heard you started college classes?" Julia asked after the song ended.

Bella stared at her questioningly.

"Mrs. Lerond from the library is an avid gardener, she comes to my shop a lot and loves to talk."

"Oh. Yeah, I started classes a few weeks ago."

"How's it going? Never did a day of school past high school graduation, myself."

"It's fine," Bella shrugged, "only two days a week."

"Are you looking for a job?"

Bella straightened. "Yes, do you know of something? I'll take anything, really."

"Actually, I'm looking for someone to help out around the nursery." Julia glanced over at her cheerily. "Have you ever worked with plants?"

"I had a summer job at a nursery in Phoenix, mostly working the register but I can learn."

"I'm sure you can. The National Park offered me the chance to work with their Invasive Species Management Team part-time, so I need some help to keep things here running." She looked away from the road and eyed Bella seriously. "It's hard work, heavy lifting, watering, all day on your feet. And you'd have a lot to learn, and you'll need to be able to work independently."

"Sounds great," Bella said, because it did. Something new and interesting.

Julia smiled. "Okay, when can you start?"

By noon on her first, the following Monday, Bella learned that the physical intensity of the job had not been exaggerated. In the winter, the plants themselves required minimal care, but Julia had a seemingly endless list of projects to be accomplished around the 4-acre property. She wanted the English Ivy cleared from a plot behind the colorfully painted tool shed, so Bella spent the whole morning digging with a shovel and pulling with her hands, then hauling the wheelbarrows full of debris to the trailer to be picked up and taken away for composting.

Julia wanted a new irrigation system for the demonstration kitchen garden, so she printed off some articles for Bella and gave her the company checkbook, then sent her to figure it out. The project took an entire week, then several days after that when the pipes froze and Bella had to learn how to winterize everything. She became familiar with the hundreds of plants stored between two greenhouses. When she found bugs on their leaves or stems, she put them in tiny jars and took them to the office, then sifted through the books on pests and beneficial insects until she decided where to save or kill. The six (and counting) cats that lived around the property became familiar with her, rubbing their bodies against her feet while she ate lunch on the porch.

Sundown signaled the end of her workday, and for the first several days, Bella drove home with every muscle in her body screaming and her hands shaky from exertion. But she slept better than she could remember, at least as well as those long ago summer nights when Edward came into her room every night.

People came into the shop to look through the seed catalogs and buy new supplies. When they asked Bella questions, she was always surprised by the knowledge she'd accumulated in such a short time. Nearly everyone already had an idea of who she was, they'd gone to school with Charlie or book club with Grandma Marie, sometimes they remembered seeing Bella around town when she was little, always with her nose in a book. Sometimes the older women teased her that she'd always hidden behind Charlie and never wanted to talk to strangers. The sense of community was very comforting, especially because Bella spent so much of her time alone, missing Edward and his family.

The weather from January to February was staggeringly cold. Bella had to buy more socks, because she always wore at least two pairs, and a larger winter rain jacket that had room for her to pile on sweaters and a jacket underneath. When she worked outside, Bella wrapped a scarf around her neck and face, so only her nose and eyes were exposed. She wore thermal gloves under her thick work gloves, and still her fingers felt like they would fall off the moment she stopped moving. But, Bella quickly fell in love with the outdoors. Even the wet, frigid air felt fresh in her lungs and she felt her body growing stronger every day.

The forest encroached on the property from all sides, like almost everywhere else in Forks. It all reminded Bella so achingly of her time with Edward that sometimes she looked up at the treeline from her work at a flash of light, entirely expecting to walk out into the clearing like he'd never left. The waiting, with no end in sight, was…difficult. But Bella stood up under the weight of it so much easier than she had before.

She left her books for dark winter evenings at home, and spent her spare daylight hours walking and hiking wherever she could. There was an hours-long break between her two classes, and she used the time to roam the nearby parks and trails. As she drove around Forks and Port Angeles, Bella lingered at the places that held a reminder. The restaurants Edward had taken her, the high school, the bookshop where she'd first looked for answers.

At the end of her fourth week. Bella returned home in the evening, filthy as usual. She turned the shower water up to boiling and scrubbed her body and hair thoroughly. The never-before-used bottles of lotion and moisturizer Renee had insisted Bella bring with her to Forks two years earlier were now nearly empty, the cold outside air and hard work dried out the skin of her face and hands quickly, despite the constant rain. By the time she finished, her stomach was already rumbling.

"Hey, Bells," Charlie called from the front door.

Bella kept stirring her risotto. "Hey, Dad."

Everyday Charlie came home and found her cooking or reading, perfectly fine, the aura of worry around him lightened a tiny bit. When he walked into the kitchen, Bella felt his eyes on the back of her neck, briefly scrutinizing her, before he took a soda from the fridge and sat at the table. The fragrant steam from the stove filled the small kitchen, and Bella enjoyed the warmth of it sinking into her tired muscles.

"How was work?" Charlie asked, already settling into their evening routine.

"Alright," she answered, "I spent most of the day prepping the greenhouses for planting."

"Hmm," Charlie hummed, opening the newspaper as usual.

"How about you?"

"Fine, nothing exciting."

"Hmm."

Bella made enough for them to both take some for lunch tomorrow, even after she'd eaten two servings for dinner. Afterwards, she and Charlie took their usual spots in the living room. Him with a beer and Discovery Channel on the TV, her with a book. Slowly, Bella was easing back into her classics collection. The reminder of Edward had all the satisfying soreness of poking a bruise. Though it would take a while for her to work her way back to Wuthering Heights or Pride and Prejudice or Romeo and Juliet, she enjoyed the familiarity of the less familiar works in her collection of second-hand books.

She fell into the investigations of Hercule Poirot until her eyes were drifting shut, then took herself to bed. The shadows shifted on the ceiling fan, but Bella fell asleep to the gentle melodies playing from her CD player. Her chest ached, because it was not the lullaby she wanted. But the imitation of romantic piano music was a passable gateway to those memories. She purposefully selected CD's from the library that did not have 'Clair de Lune', not because the reminder was too painful, but because no one else's version of the piece could compare and the differences grated on her ears.

As Bella fell into sleep, the music shifted in her mind until she could feel an angel beside her. His perfect voice harmonized with the rhythms of her human body, the most beautiful music she'd ever heard following her into unconsciousness. And when Bella woke, she faced the rare sunny day with bright, warm hope filling her chest.