September 10, 2006
"I must apologize for my mother's…enthusiasm," I told Bella. My face felt like it was on fire.
She smiled up at me, "please don't. She's lovely."
"Yes, she is," I admitted, "And very happy that I'm no longer determined to enlist."
"I must agree with her."
Another couple turned around the upcoming corner, an older gentleman and his wife. Bella and I pulled apart slightly, we'd been walking incredibly close together without realizing. The man tipped his hat and us, I nodded in return. When they'd made their way further down the street and we were alone again, we drifted close together again. We were walking very slowly, as we always did. Drawing out our time together however possible.
Very quietly, I asked her, "Can I make a confession?"
Bella's gentle pace halted, and she turned to face me. She looked wary, but still so unbelievably beautiful that I felt my heart trying to beat out of my chest. The blood rose to my cheeks again. But I tried to speak confidently, like the romantic heroes in the books she adored. "I wish you lived a bit further away."
Confusion flashed across her face. "I'm not sure I understand."
I cleared my throat, "Well, when I walk you home, it never feels like I have long enough."
Now a blush rose on her cheeks too, and a sense of triumph nearly knocked me off my feet. I looked to my left and right, a few of the houses had windows aglow with light, but the street was empty and quiet. A breeze shifted the stray hairs that always escaped from Bella's neat style. She was not fond of hats, except for church and school, which I appreciated, because her chestnut hair was the loveliest I'd ever seen. The air was scented with jasmine; one of the nearby houses had an archway covered in the bright white blooms. Bella's fair skin was flushed from my words and the summer night. And she was wearing my favorite of her dresses, dark blue with light purple embroidered flowers around the neckline and cuffs. She'd made it herself, which earned much vocal praise from my mother and silent admiration from myself.
"Oh." Her bottom lip disappeared between her teeth, and all the blood seemed to rush away from my brain. "Yes, that would be nice."
I nodded, my gaze shamefully fixated on the movement of her rosebud mouth.
Bella said softly, "Perhaps I'm tired, from your mother's wonderful cooking. I needed to sit down for a moment."
Somehow, without my commanding, my hand lifted to hers. My skin tingled where they touched, and I thought the appropriate thing would be to withdraw. But her fingers locked with mine. From my childhood explorations of this neighborhood, I knew a hundred secluded spots I could take her. But the thought was as disgraceful as it was inviting. Bella was much too good for hurried, secretive kisses in dark streets.
I swallowed and turned to continue walking, no more quickly, but we were moving again. "Very tempting, but I'm sure your father is waiting for you."
Bella's perfect lips pouted, my stomach tightened.
I couldn't help the grin that spread on my face, she was so utterly enchanting. "Don't pout. I need him to approve of me, I'll be asking him a very important question very soon."
"Oh really? What question is that?"
"That's between him and me, you'll find out soon enough…if he answers the way I'm hoping."
"And what if he does not?" She teased.
My heart sank at the prospect, but I kept my tone light, "I'll try again in a few months."
"Hmm," she hummed, "And what if I'd like something else for my life."
"Such as?" My eyebrows drew together.
Bella shrugged her shoulders, her fingers tightened on my hand. "Maybe I'd like to attend college. Maybe I'll become a lawyer too."
I relaxed. "Good, then I won't have to spend my days away from you."
Her musical laughter filled the quiet street, my heart accelerated. We walked in silence for a while. The feel of her hand in mine was so wonderful, I felt my entire self was consumed with it. After a few blocks, we were devastatingly close to her father's house. It was just around the corner, the white-painted townhouse with Bella's lovingly cultivated flower garden. I had to ask, "I'd like to see you again soon."
She stopped walking and looked at me again, and I was spellbound, again. "I'd like that, too."
"My parents host a picnic for Independence Day, their friends, my father's colleagues... Would you like to attend…with me?"
"Yes," she answered instantly, "Um…will you ask your mother if there's anything I can bring? Dessert or appetizers?"
"Of course," I assured her, knowing full well that Elizabeth Masen would never dream of allowing a guest to bring something to one of her parties. Although, maybe I could convince her to let Bella come over to help with the preparation, and I could find a way to make myself useful in the kitchen too.
"And, if you'd like, you might walk me home from school tomorrow?"
"I'd be honored."
We had stopped in the shadow of a maple tree, its branches spread over the sidewalk. The thick canopy of its emerald leaves made the spot feel so intimate. I rubbed my thumb along the back of Bella's hand, over the ridges of her knuckles. Slowly, the thudding of my heart echoing in my eardrums, I leaned towards her. She tilted her face upwards, her eyes drifted shut.
For a single second, I touched my lips to hers. My body roared to life like an engine, I wanted to press my mouth further, bring her closer. But I pulled away, leaving us both slightly breathless and flushed. I wanted to touch her warm cheeks, but I knew from experience that it would only make parting harder.
The column of her throat shifted as she swallowed and she breathed, "thank you for this evening, I had a wonderful time."
"I'll see you tomorrow," I said, my voice sounding rough.
Stepping out from the tree felt like waking from a dream, but we reached Bella's house quickly. Luckily, I'd thought to release her hand, because Chief Swan was sitting in one of the garden chairs with a cigar between his fingers.
"Good evening, Chief Swan," I said, holding open the garden gate for Bella.
"Evenin' Edward," he responded. He looked Bella over, evaluating her for evidence of improper behavior. Lucky again, the blush on her cheeks had already faded. "Well, thanks for walking her home."
Bella turned away from him, her eyes rolling. I bit my tongue to contain a laugh. She lifted onto her tiptoes to kiss me on the cheek, making my body thrum. Chief Swan huffed, but at least he could claim no misdeed on my part. She was smiling when she withdrew. "Goodnight, Edward."
"Goodnight, Bella."
I closed the gate behind myself as she walked up to the porch. Chief Swan's chair scraped against the gravel as he stood, abruptly done smoking. I could not begrudge him this protective attitude and the shortness towards me. Bella was the center of his world, and now she was the center of mine, too.
Once I'd made it around the corner, I broke into a run. Unlike Chief Swan, my father knew what time Bella and I had left my house. And he knew how long it could reasonably take to get there and back. The pounding of my feet against the pavement was a relief, all the build-up exhilaration in my body suddenly had a release. I did not slow until I was back on my street. Not wanting to walk through the door huffing and red.
When I saw my house, I panicked, because there was a male figure outside. For a moment, I thought it must be my father, having somehow learned that I'd stolen a kiss from Bella tonight. But it wasn't him. The man was too huge, his hair a riot of black curls, his clothes unfamiliar. A new panic emerged when I registered the pale of his skin. Was he some phantom that stalked my family's house at night? Distantly, I recognized him, as if another version of myself knew him.
"46 degrees North, 130 degrees West. If he's not here, I'll try further south," the first said. Except his lips didn't move. And the noise didn't seem to fit into the quiet street between us.
Suddenly, he was a few steps closer, though I hadn't seen his legs move. He spoke without speaking again, "Oh! There he is! Finally!
I tried to take a step back, but my body was frozen, and suddenly there was a rushing sound filling my ears where his words should have been. Those weren't going through my ears, they were directly in my head. A second later, he was close enough for me to see all the details of his golden eyes. My own were reflected back at me, though I couldn't distinguish their color, green or black or red or gold?
"Edward?" He said, his lips still as he stared at me, "Edward? It's Emmett."
My mind couldn't decide how to react, the scene around us was all shimmery and the rushing sound was expanding into a heavy pressure across my entire body.
The man - Emmett - didn't move, and yet suddenly his hand was clamped around my upper arm and the world was spinning.
Edward opened his eyes just as his head crested the water. For the first second, all he saw was blue. Then it clarified into two colors, then ten, then hundreds and his eyes readjusted to being open. Before him, the world was all dark water and bright sky. There was a steel band wrapped around his chest. When he tried to escape from it, Edward heard inside his mind, Lord, he's weak.
The voice was familiar, but Edward's mind was slow to understand the situation. Everything slid into focus in his mind, and with each piece, the hole in his chest yawned open. Until Edward could only groan. The pain was too much even to continue his fight against Emmett's hold, though he longed to return to that impossible Eden his brother had pulled him from.
"It's okay," Emmett said. His mind was all reassurances, genuine and loving. But Edward could not believe any of them, there was a black hole inside of him just as agonizing as his transformation.
Edward's mind felt so slow, he couldn't even follow Emmett's thoughts. All he understood was a brief warning, then they were moving through the water. Edward also couldn't move his limbs. He didn't understand why it was so difficult and also didn't understand why he would ever want to move again. Eventually, a white shape materialized on the horizon, a boat. Edward let himself be dragged toward it, then pulled on board.
For a moment, Emmett held Edward, both of them dripping saltwater onto the deck. But it quickly became obvious that Edward would not move on his own. Emmett lowered him until he was lying on his side. The sun caught his pale skin through the half-destroyed fabric of his clothes. It glittered like diamonds, but even that seemed subdued.
"Shit, man," Emmett muttered.
He ran a hand through his hair, then laid it on Edward's back, trying to comfort him. Edward groaned again, and Emmett worried for a second that he'd somehow harmed him, even with such a gentle touch. But then Edward's arms shifted, wrapped around his own chest. He curled into a ball, not seeming to notice the touch at all. Emmett rubbed soothing circles anyway.
Nothing changed while the sun made its trek across the sky, eventually concealed behind the clouds. Edward remained in his tight fetal position, letting out wounded-animal sounds every few minutes.
The sound of something cutting through the water did not affect Edward, but Emmett looked to the west, just as Jasper broke the surface. His face was stone. Emmett would not have wanted his gift in this situation. With every stroke he took towards the boat, Jasper fought for control of his gift. Edward's emotions felt like a spiraling vortex trying to swallow him whole. Eventually, he gained enough control to feel his own mind clear, then he tried to push a sense of calm focus onto Edward.
Gradually, the tight ball of Edward's body loosened. He rolled onto his back, staring up at the sky for a while, then pulled himself into a seated position. Emmett and Jasper's minds were still difficult to follow. Edward had grown accustomed to the mental silence at the bottom of the ocean. What he could understand was uninformative, they were both recalling their time spent swimming around looking for him. He could think of no reason for them to disturb him, except…Bella, dead, Bella, dead. The words rushed around his mind.
"Tell me," he demanded.
What? Emmett's mind recoiled from Edward's harsh stare, I've never seen eyes so black, it's freaky. Doesn't he feel thirsty at all?
Jasper was more helpful, he seemed to understand immediately, and said aloud for Emmett's benefit, "no, it's not that. Bella's fine, as far as I know. Alice hasn't seen anything, though Carlisle said you didn't want her watching."
"I didn't," Edward said, "I don't."
Jasper felt the deception in Edward's words, but not the reason. And not Edward's desperate wish that Alice was here, so he could look in her mind for any glimpse of Bella. Instead he said, "so, why are you two here?"
Because Carlisle and Esme are devastated, Alice is a wreck, Rosalie doesn't even want to be around our family anymore, you jackass. Emmett's thoughts answered in a flood, but they were only an instinctive first reaction. Very distantly, Edward registered a feeling of guilt within himself, for all the misery his actions had inflicted upon his family. But the feeling was miniscule beside the black hole, easy to ignore.
In Jasper's mind, a familiar face sent a bolt of terror through Edward's entire system. He breathed, "Victoria."
His brothers nodded, then Jasper said, "Alice saw her, in Seattle."
Edward heard the words in Jasper's mind before he spoke them, but still they felt like a punch to the chest. How could he have been so reckless? To leave Bella unprotected from a vampire they knew had reason to hurt her. Panic began to rise in his stomach, but Jasper's synthetic calm crushed it.
"She wasn't headed to Forks," Emmett assured him, "Alice said it was the first time she's ever been on a clear course. Houston, then Mexico City, Santiago, Buenos Aires. Tomorrow, she'll be in Rio, Alice is sure."
The plan was clear as glass in Emmett's head. The three of them would track down Victoria and kill her together. Though, in his imagination, Emmett did the majority of the killing. He wanted to even the scoreboard, since Jasper was the one to dispense with James. Though, Emmett was slightly disappointed in what he viewed as a much easier target. When they were finished, Emmett imagined taking Edward home with them, where the family would easily convince him he'd made a terrible decision and to return to Bella immediately.
Edward ground his teeth together at Emmett's hope for the second part of this expedition. His mind was clarifying. After all the time imagining himself and Bella's alternate lives together, he was more certain than ever of his own unworthiness. The first part of the plan, however, held some appeal. There was a danger to Bella out there in the world, and he needed to eradicate it.
The sun was sinking towards the horizon, but Edward looked in the other direction. Even with his supernatural vision, the distant shoreline was out of view. But Edward could almost see it, the enormous cliffs and trees that rose from the earth like a wall, waging their constant battle against the ever-encroaching ocean. It would take less than a minute to reach the beaches, then only a few to return to Forks. Like he was reaching through the fabric of the world, Edward felt Bella's presence so close. Just a few hundred miles and he would be back in her bedroom.
He wrenched his gaze away from the Eastern horizon and back to his brothers. "Alright."
Following the coastline, Jasper steered the boat south until they ran out of fuel. Then, pulled into a tiny marina just south of San Francisco. The midnight sky was black, and Jasper quickly stripped the boat of all identification. From his thoughts, Edward learned they'd stolen it in Seattle, the fastest they could find. The owner would be glad to see it recovered, though Edward guessed it would take some time for this tiny operation to contact the authorities. From there, Jasper and Emmett insisted on taking him hunting.
Edward did not resist their tight grip on his arms as they ran far away from any human civilization. To them, his black eyes and struggle to keep up with them in the water were concerning. They were convinced he would lose control the moment he caught the scent of human blood. But the chasm in Edward's chest was so agonizing, so all-consuming, that he almost mourned the fire in his throat as it vanished with every deer he drained. It hadn't been a particularly effective distraction, but it was better than nothing.
According to Alice's instruction, they needed to travel by water rather than land. Jasper didn't offer any explanation, because he didn't have one, but they followed without argument. They returned to the ocean and continued south. Another day and night, and they rounded Cape Horn and turned north. The rising sun was so bright, their skin glittered even beneath the surface, throwing rainbows into the depths.
Even a hundred miles from land, it was obvious when they approached major coastline cities. The water acquired a dirty, chemical taste as it passed over their lips, and they felt the ripples of enormous ships passing above them. Los Angeles and San Diego, then much further along, Lima. Then, on the other side of the southern continent, Buenos Aires and Montevideo, then São Paulo. And finally, Rio de Janeiro.
The noise of the city was so loud in Edward's head, he had to spend the first few minutes they were on land remembering how to function with such an assault on his senses. He quickly came to appreciate the difference in language. Though he could understand the thoughts perfectly when he focused, his mind did not automatically translate, so it was easier to tune them out. The sun was too bright for them to enter the city, so they waited in the National Park for night to fall. When the sun finally descended behind the shadow of the massive city, Emmett, Jasper, and Edward moved.
Covering any distance was agonizingly tedious. There were people everywhere, even on the rooftops. So they had to play human. After a year of delusion, the act was as uncomfortable as it had been when Edward was a newborn. No one paid any attention to them, despite Edward's tattered clothes, but all of them longed for the chance to move at full speed once again. Jasper took them to the intersection of two streets where Alice had seen all of them in a vision. The area was surprisingly quiet, for everyone except Edward at least. He was overhearing the half-formed thoughts of a dozen dinner conversations, a hundred people preparing for sleep, a thousand children drifting into the land of dreams.
They stood beneath the street sign and looked at each other.
"This is where Alice said," Jasper informed them.
Emmett looked around, waiting for Victoria to materialize from the pavement. "Let's look around?"
Jasper and Edward nodded.
The three of them combed the neighborhood for signs of Victoria unsuccessfully. No scent or bodies or abandoned vehicles. A cloud of annoyance was expanding outwards from Jasper, and he started leading them towards the nearest large road. He planned to find a phone and call Alice. Edward was frustrated, because Jasper's thoughts did not provide any explanation for Alice's absence from this mission in the first place. There was only the devoted, She must have seen that her presence would change the result. But how? She could only help this go faster. What is she thinking?
As soon as they turned onto the busy street, the scent filled their nostrils. The artificial sweetness that could only belong to a vampire, and it was Victoria. For a split second, they all froze, barely believing their luck. Then they started in the direction the scent was stronger. North up the road.
Humans in the way, Emmett thought, irritated by their slow pace, the scent isn't strong enough for her to be walking.
Edward said, "driving with the windows open."
"Not another car chase," Emmett groaned, though he was grinning widely.
Victoria's trail was light, but easy to follow. The city shifted into the darkest point of the night, almost asleep, though there was constant activity in every direction. In the quiet residential areas, they scaled the buildings and sprinted silently along the rooftops before descending to street level, reliably finding the scent there again. They passed humans asleep on the sidewalks, colonies of rats scurrying through parks, young people on their way home from parties, parents checking for monsters in closets while the vampires passed outside.
Eventually, they followed the scent to a slum with buildings leaning precariously towards one another. The alleys between them were barely wide enough to accommodate a car. The voices in Edward's mind were even noisier here. So many thousands of humans crammed into such a tiny space, it was difficult to catch Emmett and Jasper's thoughts.
"Jeez," Emmett said, "the stink is almost enough to get rid of the bloodlust."
"Almost," Jasper murmured, his thoughts full of practicalities. In his experience, places like this were the best hunting ground. No one paid attention to the humans who went missing from neighborhoods with inadequate plumbing and unreliable electricity.
Edward was trying to search through the tens of thousands of minds around him. Once he'd compartmentalized the human mental voices into a single cacophonous entity, it was easy to distinguish the vampires. Jasper with his soldier's focus, Emmett with his misplaced enthusiasm. And Victoria, a few streets over.
Oh, they're near, she thought. Edward jolted into focus, preparing for a chase. But Victoria stayed still. Edward and the other males, but not the one who invited us to join them for baseball. We should have joined. James, James, why did you have to play your game with these ones? Her thoughts took a desolate turn, and Edward quickly withdrew from her head. He didn't need her grief atop his own.
"She's nearby," he told his brothers. "She knows we're here."
They gawked at him, but he was already moving. A few blocks over, on the top floor of a tenement that looked like one storm away from collapse. The scent was leading there, but Edward only needed to follow the strangely calm melody of Victoria's mind. James should have stayed away from these ones. She didn't even smell that good, not like the little one in Biloxi. A starved and filthy, but familiar face crossed her mind.
Emmett pushed his way to the front of the group as they entered the building and ascended the winding staircase. There were hundreds of people crammed into the handful of rooms on each level, their sleeping minds a dull background to the thoughts of the vampires prowling in the dark just outside their flimsy doors.
In the room where she waited for them, Victoria's scent mingled with the bloody aroma of the bodies. Three young women, all of them pale with long brown hair. One pair of eyes looked back at Edward, chocolate brown orbs, blank from death.
Victoria's mental voice accelerated oh, finally. Finally, this time it will be my decision when a man—
The thoughts cut off abruptly when Emmett crossed the room and twisted her head from her shoulders. Her body twitched, then collapsed into a heap. Edward stared at her, the world seeming to realign around the reality of her death.
"You two go deal with her," Edward looked at Victoria, "I'll clean up here."
Both of them were relieved to go. Jasper's thoughts were fatigued with the effort of managing Edward's emotional turmoil. And Emmett was all intentional planning. Steal a car, drive out of the city, burn the pieces. He was very deliberately ignoring the human girls scattered around the room. As they retreated, Edward felt Jasper's influence leak from him. The black hole ignited, searing him so intensely he shuddered and groaned like an injured animal. The monster's finest temptation remained in Forks, but now he only demanded her presence, not her blood. He longed for the relief of returning to Bella. Screamed in Edward's mind just once, once more before I die. I just need to see her, see that she's safe. I'll stay away after, I'm strong enough.
Edward pushed the thoughts away, allowing the chaos of the thousands around him to fill the inside of his head until he regained his focus.
The bodies were fresh, none of them more than two days from their end. The reek of decay was only just beginning to fill the air. To him, none of them looked remotely close to his Bella. None of their faces were the correct shape. The first girl's hair was too dark, then the second's was too long, the third's too curly. They were all very pale, but without blood flowing beneath their skin there were no warm blushes across their cheeks. In Edward's eyes, the resemblance was only slight. But it was obvious enough for an immortal who viewed all humans as cattle to blur their faces together. During his rebellion, he'd similarly lost the ability to distinguish human faces beyond the obvious factors of race and hair color and age, preferring to single out their thoughts. Most vampires only paid attention to smell and taste.
One by one, Edward searched the girls for identification. The responsible habit would have been destroying their bodies completely, but when he considered it, he could not get Charlie Swan's face out of his mind. The course of events spiraled through his head. Edward falling in love with a human, Bella in the clearing, James and Victoria in the clearing, James' hunt and death, Victoria's crazed fixation on Bella lookalikes, these girls abducted and murdered. The image of Charlie, wondering if his precious daughter would ever return, never knowing, rattled him.
Unfortunately, his plan required some damage to the girls' bodies. Victoria's wounds were very clean, but they would raise attention, even in this city of millions. He carried each of them somewhere they would be found in the morning and fabricated evidence of some violent end. A hit-and-run car accident, an unlucky fall, a bicycle crash. The possibility of them being identified and buried properly gave Edward a flimsy feeling of satisfaction. Humans recovered better with a clean break.
While on his errands, Edward crossed a convenience store unloading the morning's papers from crates before closing for the night. 'September 13, 2006' was printed under their titles. Edward closed his eyes and whispered, like a prayer, "Happy Birthday, Bella."
When he was finished, Edward returned to the apartment. His strength was already failing, he needed to return to somewhere he could be still and quiet. Every time he moved, he risked his body carrying him back to Forks without his consent. So he sat, and waited.
Emmett and Jasper returned, but Edward was already halfway separated from their reality. Already halfway to the ocean floor.
"I'll stay here," he told them.
They tried to argue, threw memories of a despondent Esme and Carlisle at him. Now he understood, Alice had hoped Jasper would bring Edward back to them. That would present a problem, Edward knew. He was barely strong enough now, how much harder it would be with Alice begging and using her gift against him. So, he told Jasper, "Biloxi."
"What?" Jasper huffed, nearly enraged.
"Victoria, she thought about Alice, briefly. The asylum must have been in Biloxi."
In Jasper's mind, a hundred scattered memories of Alice, conversations about the information James had unwittingly shared. Edward hadn't realized Jasper had viewed that sadistic documentary of the events in the ballet studio. But Edwards words hit their target. The soldier's determination was already shifting in another direction. Mississippi was too close for comfort to the southern covens, but he would not keep this from Alice. This had been weighing on her for some time.
Without Jasper, Emmett's resolve crumbled quickly. Rosalie would not be happy if this disturbed the family further, and she was, of course, his first priority. Still, he put a massive hand on Edward's shoulder, then pulled a cell phone from his pocket. "At least promise you'll pick up every few months. For Esme's sake."
Edward nodded. For Carlisle and Esme and all of them, who had done so much for him, and received so little in return, he could manage that.
Before the sun began to crest over the ocean and throw light into the room, Emmett and Jasper were gone. In the days and weeks, then months, that followed, it continued the pattern of invasion and retreat from the tiny apartment, though Edward remained utterly still. The fantasies that had so thoroughly distracted him from his desolation in the ocean were unreachable here, far too much noise in his head. But the thoughts of the countless humans around him proved a sufficient distraction, once he learned to utilize them properly.
The misery of the slum around him was a nagging discomfort, but it was usually easy enough to find someone tolerant to live through for a while. A group of old men brought chairs and a table into the alleyway to play cards, their thoughts and conversation flowing with all the familiarity of a river over stone. An older woman showing her daughter how to care for her newborn baby, the adoration running perfectly between the three of them. One of Edward's favorites was a small girl in a nearby building. Her thoughts were pure and kind. Her family was poor, but loving, and deeply religious. Each night, Edward joined her as she clasped her hands together and prayed to the towering Christ the Redeemer. Dear Lord, thank you for this day. Please keep me and Mamãe and Papai and Vovó safe tonight while we sleep. Please look after my sister while she lives in Mamãe's belly, and please don't turn her into a boy. And please let me have cake for my birthday next month. Amen.
When she went to sleep, Edward followed with his own prayers, as he had when his recklessness landed Bella in the hospital in Phoenix. Please God, give me the strength to stay away from here. Keep her safe from the dangers of this world. Let her be happy and well and content with me finally gone from her life. Let my family recover from all the pain I've caused them. Forgive me for my pride, my arrogance, my lust, my selfishness, my weakness, my….
..ooOOoo..
The water rippled beneath Alice's fingers as she dragged them along the surface. Her skin was the same color as the porcelain bathtub, but the water was tinted purple from the lavender soap. She liked the little trails of steam that lifted into the air around them, and she liked the way Jasper's skin heated in the hot water. There was only a single candle on the countertop to illuminate the bathroom, but their vampire eyes saw everything in perfect clarity. In Alice's mind, the future shifted around her moving fingers, the ripples hit the side of the tub a split second before they collided in reality. She saw Jasper bouncing between half a dozen questions, Are you alright? Alice, please, what's wrong? What are you thinking about? What do you see? But her ears heard nothing, he was silent and contemplative.
These short-term visions were usually all Alice had in the time since they'd left Forks. She could see the little things, what her family members would wear that day, the course of treatment for one of Carlisle's patients, Emmett's newest video games. But rarely was there anything more, everyone was waiting for Edward, and Edward wasn't deciding anything. The entire future felt like it was swirling around something she couldn't see. She couldn't even see the path that would guide them all there. It was infuriating and terrifying.
"Alice, what are you thinking about?" Jasper finally asked.
She tilted her head backwards until it rested on his shoulder, then turned her nose into his jaw. His arm snaked across her ribs, holding her against his chest. Feeling strangely disconnected from her present self, she said, "my father."
"Carlisle?"
"No. My human father."
Jasper rubbed her arm, she couldn't tell who the gesture was meant to soothe, her or him. "Darlin', I don't want you thinking about all that. It makes you sad."
"Why did he do all those terrible things?"
"Because," Jasper's arm tightened protectively around her, "he was an evil man who hated women."
Alice blinked, bringing herself back to her body. "It's my mother that makes me sad. I wish I could remember."
"I know, baby."
"I always thought…"
"What?"
"I thought it would all come back to me, if I went back to where I came from."
"But it didn't?"
He already knew the answer, but he wanted to keep her talking. Her long, blank-eyed silences scared him more than anything he'd seen in his decades at war. She shook her head minutely, "No, it feels like looking into someone else's life."
"That life had a lot of pain and grief. I think I'm glad you don't have to remember it."
Her head shook again, in disagreement. "But it's all part of me, somehow. I'm a book missing its first chapter."
"Alice Whitlock," Jasper said firmly. His hand lifted to stroke the side of her face, sending little rivulets down her pale throat. "There is not a thing missing from you. You're utterly perfect exactly as you are."
"Oh," she cooed, light flickered in her golden eyes, almost as bright as before this whole disaster he'd caused. "I didn't know you were going to say that."
He huffed. "You don't know everything, but you should know that."
Alice's eyebrows drew together, like a pouting angel. Jasper pressed a kiss to her forehead, relieved when a bit of the tension drained from Alice. She shifted her lips an inch from his ear, and said so quietly even the vampires downstairs wouldn't hear. "Carlisle's getting restless for an Edward update, but after, let's go running."
Jasper grinned. Half a second later, he was standing outside the tub, water droplets running down his naked body, over his scars, and dripping on the tile. He reached into the water, intending to grab Alice and pull her out too. But she vanished an instant before his hands found her, already on the other side of the room, wrapping a towel around herself. She threw a little smile over her shoulder, "gotta be quicker than that."
A few minutes later, Carlisle stood from his chair, intending to go speak with Alice. Despite his best efforts at giving them privacy, he'd overheard Alice's worry that she was somehow incomplete. It finally broke his resolve, which had been wavering for several days. Each time he asked for news about Edward, it sent the whole family into a depressive mood. But he had to know, Esme had to know. Even if Edward was unchanged, they needed confirmation that at least he was no worse.
By the time he'd fully stood up, Alice was already halfway down the stairs, graceful as ever despite the melancholy plaguing her constantly. She had only recently recovered from the latest family argument, on New Year's Day, after a vision had convinced her they needed to return to Forks urgently. Once she admitted Bella was unharmed, and in fact, her future was suddenly significantly clearer, the rest of the family refused to return. None of them wanted to risk Edward doing anything extreme.
Alice danced over to Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle opened his mouth to ask, but she interrupted, "one second, let me see."
The familiar vacancy filled her eyes. Then she blinked and declared, "he's still there."
Relief washed over Carlisle and Esme, Jasper almost admired their constant state of parental worry.
Esme stood and gently took Alice by the tops of her arms. "And…Bella?"
Jasper felt the anxiety grow in Alice's chest, but he resisted the urge to drag her away from this situation, despite his instincts.
They all held still as statues while Alice searched the future. "I think she's about to cook dinner for Charlie. I can see him better than her."
"That's good." Esme relaxed, but Alice remained tense.
"For a while, I could see her so easily again. I don't know why she's all blurry again," Alice said sadly, "I'm sorry."
Jasper wanted to rush forward and comfort her, but Carlisle was already there. "Oh, Alice. My precious daughter, don't apologize. What would we do without you?"
When Carlisle pulled her into a hug, Alice wrapped her arms around his middle. Her small shoulders lifted in a shrug and she said, "look unfashionable?"
"Certainly that," Esme chuckled.
Their words improved Alice's spirits more than Jasper would have dared hope. Sometimes, he wanted to take her away from this strange coven. Spending their time on activities other than hunting and sex was still strange, and the attention their lifestyle drew from other vampires rankled him. But besides the protection of large numbers, Jasper appreciated this aspect of their life with the Cullens. The…comfort was nice, even if it still felt unfamiliar after all these years.
Alice and Jasper ran north, from the house in the forest outside Ithaca. The frigid March night quickly cooled their skin, and they had to navigate around huge icebergs as they swam across Lake Ontario. 200 miles north of Ottawa, they stopped in a snowed over valley of evergreen trees. Ice crystals glistened in their hair and their clothes were a frozen heap within moments of being removed.
Jasper vastly preferred making love out in the wilderness. With the open sky, fresh air, and no one else's emotions in his chest, it seemed like the entire world was only the two of them in this hidden, frozen paradise. He lifted Alice into his arms, her legs around his hips, and pressed her against a nearby cedar tree. There was no space between their frigid bodies as they moved against one another. When the strength of their movements caused a loud crack from the tree, Jasper moved them onto the ground with Alice atop him.
A hundred million stars migrated across the blackness overhead as the night continued. Jasper watched Alice come fully back to herself. Living in the present moment only seemed possible for her now in these moments, when they were just a mated pair of wild animals. Neither of them spoke in words, just let Jasper's gift amplify the emotions passing between them until they were sharing a single soul. In their chests, they felt the phantom rhythm of their frozen hearts, beating together in perfect unison.
The night sky lightened as the sun rose, black to gray to orange and pink, and finally blue. Jasper spent those dawn hours with his mouth at the juncture of Alice's though. Her whimpers echoed through the forest, her fingers pulled on his hair, her legs clamped around his head as her taste flooded his mouth. When the sun reached its zenith, Alice was back on top of him, but he grew frustrated with her slow motions and flipped their positions, so forcefully it parted the 5ft of snow beneath them and pressed her against the frozen soil beneath.
The sun rose and fell twice more before their frenzy released its hold and they returned to the house. Alice's improved mood continued for the first several days they were back. She had a vision of Emmett and Rosalie returning from Africa within the next week. Esme suggested a shopping trip, so they would have a fresh wardrobe when they arrived. Carlisle and Jasper escorted the two of them around New York City, Alice's relaxed contentment spread into Jasper, who was so happy about it that his joy infected the others. The four of them were quite ridiculous, spending thousands of dollars at a time and laughing loudly at every small joke.
Emmett and Rosalie's return created a slightly morbid sense of celebration. Everyone was determined to be happy, partially due to Jasper's influence. But Edward's absence lingered like a shadow at the edges of every conversation. The house felt too quiet without the sound of his music.
The gifts Emmett and Rosalie had brought back for everyone had triggered a reorganization of Alice's closet. They moved at a human pace, because there was little reason to rush and nothing but free time ahead of them. Jasper enjoyed watching Alice with her beloved clothes, especially after seeing the ruins of the hospital where her life had ended. She deserved all the luxury the world had to offer. She also took this as an opportunity to purge some of the pieces that she no longer wanted. Each item, she removed from its place and held in her hands, her face going blank for a few seconds as she searched her own future. If she didn't see herself wearing it again, she gave it to Jasper. For the designer items, Jasper located their Certificate of Authenticity, before wrapping them in tissue paper and packing them in boxes.
Alice gasped, her distress suddenly saturating the entire room.
"What is it?" Jasper asked, at her side instantly.
Her hands twisted around the fabric of his shirt, but her gaze was still vacant. Her distress shot through his chest like a knife. He grabbed the sides of her face and stared into her unfocused eyes. "Baby, tell me what's wrong."
She blinked, but remained lost in the future. "Bella…"
A second later, Esme and Carlisle were in the room beside them, looking at Alice. Their fear was leaking into Jasper too. Carlisle managed to speak calmly, "Alice, what do you see?"
"Bella," Alice repeated.
"What about Bella?" Jasper asked.
"She jumped off a cliff."
Esme gasped, her hand flying to her mouth, Carlisle pulled back, horrified. Emmett and Rosalie arrived near-silently, waiting in the doorway. Jasper fought against the emotions flooding his body, to remain calm and in control. "How close is it?"
"A few hours from now."
"Carlisle…" Esme whispered, her voice shaking.
Suddenly, Alice was fully present again. She said, "we have to go."
"I'll call the airlines," Emmett said.
"Wait," Rosalie interjected.
Rage flooded Alice's entire being, Jasper pulled her close.
Rosalie continued, "we're just going to run back to Forks? We left."
The sound of Alice's teeth grinding together stopped when she said, "you stay if you want, I'm going."
"We promised Edward we wouldn't interfere," Rosalie said.
"This isn't Edward's coven," Carlisle said firmly, "it's mine. And I never should have allowed this."
For months, this sense of guilt had been festering inside Carlisle. It was nearly indistinguishable from the self-loathing Jasper had felt ever since the moment he lost control at Bella's birthday party. Guilt for leaving Bella, his youngest and most vulnerable child. For all the pain and separation of his family since then. And distantly, for this immortal life that had brought Edward, his first companion, so much misery.
"If she's already dead, what's the point?" Rosalie demanded.
Alice tried to rip herself out of Jasper's arms, but he held her tight. "Baby, I'm sorry. She's right."
"I'll help Charlie, Bella wouldn't want him to be alone," she insisted.
"I'm not sure that will help him, darlin," Jasper said.
Abruptly, Alice turned in his arms looking straight into his eyes. Her hands went to the light of his face, she lifted onto her toes. "Jazz, I know you blame yourself for all of this."
Jasper was stunned speechless, he'd dedicated significant effort to hiding his guilt from her and everyone else. She continued, "she's my friend, my sister. I have to go back. You don't need to come with me."
"I'll come with you," Carlisle said.
"Me too," Esme said.
Carlisle turned to face his wife. "Esme, no."
"What?"
"Alice and I will go to Forks, but the rest of you need to go to Edward," Carlisle said. The significance of his words hung like a knife in the air.
Esme nodded sadly, and Carlisle pulled her into an embrace. Jasper felt a sense of relief from their leader, he didn't want sweet Esme to join the depressing journey back to Forks.
"Let's go," Alice said.
Five minutes later, two of the couples were saying quick but loving goodbyes, while the third looked on tensely. Rosalie left the house soon after Carlisle and Alice. Without her saying anything, the rest of them understood that she would not be coming with them to Brazil.
Esme's disapproval was obvious enough that even Emmett noticed. He said, "she just wants everything back the way it used to be."
"Before we left?" Esme asked.
"No." Emmett rubbed the back of his neck, almost shyly. "Before Bella was around at all. She thinks we were all happier back then, when things weren't so complicated."
"All of us, except Edward."
"Right," Emmett admitted.
None of them spoke of the task ahead, the impossibility of it. How to convince a man to live without the other half of himself? They all knew how Edward would react. And they knew what the rest of his existence would look like if he continued to walk the earth without his soulmate. Until they received news from Alice and Carlisle, they were condemned to this purgatory of impending disaster.
In another plane, headed west instead of south, Alice leaned her head against her father's shoulder, and watched the future. She watched Bella climb out of her truck and walk through the trees to the clifftop. She watched Bella's lips move. She was talking to someone, but there was no one else there. Alice couldn't hear anything over the roar of the storm above and the waves below. Just a human girl alone at the edge of the world. Alice watched Bella jump, horror stirring in her gut at the happy expression on Bella's face. She watched Bella fall, her body slamming into the water, the waves seeming to swallow her.
Alice never saw anything beneath the surface, the vision ended there no matter how hard she tried to see something else. As their plane slowly made its way across the continent, the vision shortened and clarified even further as it got closer. The final time Alice looked, she watched Bella fly through the air merely seconds before it happened in real life. By the time the plane landed, they were already far too late to stop it.
Carlisle's Mercedes had been kept in storage near the Seattle airport. In the organized chaos of their departure from Forks, he'd left it there in case they ever needed to return, though he had not foreseen anything so terrible as this.
"Alice?" He said, as they flew down the winding highway.
"Hmm?"
"I want to apologize."
Alice blinked back to the present, looking at him in the driver's seat. "What?"
"You were right. We never should have left Forks. And we should have returned when you wanted to after New Year's."
"I thought she was feeling better, she looked…not happy, really, but better than she was at first."
Carlisle's hands tightened on the steering wheel.
"What was it? That made you agree with Edward?" She asked, her voice flat and empty.
Carlisle's throat burned, not from thirst, but the long-ago memory of tears. "I worried about Edward doing something drastic. And I've always felt guilty, for how unhappy he's been in this life."
Alice nodded. "We should have let James' venom spread. Then Bella would have been like us and both of them would have been happy forever."
"Yes," Carlisle murmured, "he always thought there was nothing worse than the possibility of her becoming an immortal…but he was wrong. There was something worse."
"That wasn't the only reason," Alice wondered.
"No, it wasn't." Carlisle's seraphic face twisted into a sad smile. "I loved Esme the moment I laid eyes on her. She was eighteen, beautiful, with all the possibilities of humanity before her. I left, because I didn't want to take anything away from her. But we found each other again, despite time and distance and abuse and tragedy…"
For a moment, the only sound was the smoothe hum of the engine as Carlisle. They'd just rushed past Port Angeles, within twenty minutes, they'd be in Forks, though they didn't yet know where they would go when they arrived.
Carlisle's throat felt too tight, but he said, "I thought God would give Edward and Bella the same chance. A path back together."
"And now?"
"Now…I have to pray that Edward and I were both wrong, about our souls. I'll pray they can be together wherever she is now."
"He'll kill himself," Alice said. The truth landed heavily between them.
"To lose him will be the hardest thing I've endured in nearly 400 years. But I'm not sure I can ask him to live without her. To walk the earth as a shell, like Marcus."
"If I lost Jasper…"
"I know," Carlisle took her hand and squeezed it.
For the rest of the drive, they said nothing. Carlisle drove them to Charlie's house. Alice stepped outside and took a deep breath. Nothing had changed since they left except the seasons. Briefly, she was angry that everything around them was coming to life with spring. A dead winter landscape would have been more appropriate. They walked around the house, but Carlisle didn't want to go inside.
"Should we go search the beaches?" Carlisle asked.
Alice looked into their future. "No, I don't see us finding…anything."
There was a storm moving in from the ocean, the air around them felt heavy and charged with electricity. They didn't know what they were waiting for, but they stood vigilant at the edge of the trees until the storm had turned the sky nearly black. After an eternity, they heard the distant, familiar roar of an engine, and dared to hope.
In another forest, on the other side of the United States, Rosalie left a trail of footprints through the snow beneath the trees. She was holding her shoes, occasionally smacking them against anything that was in her way. These woods had been her first hunting ground, when she was a newborn vampire, and she hated them. From here, she knew exactly where to find the place where she'd first tasted blood. She knew where to find the river that she'd stood in for days, hoping the cold, rushing water would wash away any traces of the crimes committed against her. And she knew where to find the rock where, dripping wet and pulling angrily at her hair, she'd fantasized and planned out the deaths of all those human men who killed her.
Rosalie avoided all of those spots now. But it always unnerved her, whenever she found herself in this part of the world. Being so close to Rochester made her feel claustrophobic, like every human she passed was staring at her. She still had family in the area. Her younger brothers had grown into men and married and had children. Two of them were still alive, now old and gray, with children and grandchildren of their own. The idea sent such a wave of sadness through Rosalie, that she forced herself to think of something else, she wanted to be angry instead.
She wondered what the story was, within that extended family, about Rosalie Hale. What did they think happened to her? The local press circuit had been wild for months with her disappearance and Royce's murder. But did those fantastical stories make it into the family history? Or did they simply move on without her? Perhaps her brothers told their wives and children about the older sister who'd vanished. Years ago, on a cold night in April, right before her wedding, she just never came home. But did her nieces and nephews tell their children?
Angrily, Rosalie imagined the youthful exaggerations to the story. The decades she'd spent repeating highschool had given her a bleak outlook on the minds and interests of human children. They would focus on the tragedy of the doomed lovers, the excitement of Royce's grisly murder, the mystery of her disappearance. There would be no discussion at all of her. That is, if they knew or talked about her at all, which she doubted. That family that was hers in some other reality did not belong to this current version of her.
Instead, Rosalie had the Cullen family. Who were, though she was reluctant to admit it, the best she could have possibly hoped for. Her constant, desperate longing for her humanity was in part because they'd shown her how loving and happy people could be together. It made the missing elements - aging and children and change - so much more devastating. And now that family seemed to be slipping away from her too. They'd left her here alone, even Emmett. She was angry at him and the rest of them. At Edward for disregarding all of her advice from the moment Bella walked into Forks High School.
If he'd just listened to her, they would all be as they were before. Unchanging and immortal, but content and safe. But now they were scattered to the wind, and Rosalie didn't see how they ever recovered from this.
She circled back towards the house. Several hours had passed since she left, and she didn't think anyone would be there anymore. She wanted to clean herself off, dirt and snow and mud clung to her, making her skin crawl. The others were gone when she arrived, and the empty house staring back at her sent a crack of enraged pain through her chest. The space behind her eyes stung, trying to form tears that would never flow.
"Argh!" She grunted, throwing her shoes at the front door.
Before she could think, Rosalie pulled her phone from her pocket.
Okay, here we are with an imminent dramatic reunion, we made it! was anyone thinking it was carlisle with alice instead of jasper? hehe
None of you really know me, but i'm telling you now, i'm not a 'plot and action and conflict' writer. the original outline of this story had a whole victoria newborn army thing and i never could get excited about it because i so vastly prefer the character drama stuff. i hope yall still enjoy that! knowing victoria's background from the guide, i do feel somewhat guilty about killing her off so meaninglessly, but there we are. Let me know what you think! I'm especially in love with the edward 1918 teen romance fantasy lol
Thanks to everyone who's stuck with this fic through all the depression vibes lol. If you've left a review, thank you so much, i love them so much! Also, was no one gonna tell me that ff. net doesn't automatically carry over the italics? i went in and fixed all the previous chapters but omg that must have been so confusing and annoying im sorry, so embarassing :'(
with the upcoming holidays, i'm going to take three weeks instead of the usual two between uploads. so the next chapter will be january 10. i hope to see you all here again! Happy holidays!