Chapter 48

Raine paced slowly at the front of the bridge of the Tartarus as if that would ease all the tension she felt throughout her body. Bag on her shoulder and her staff in hand, it almost felt like the others watched her every step, but every time she looked, they all seemed occupied with their own stations. Jade kept to his post, watching the screen, and didn't ask for her to take over controls on the Tartarus, much to her relief, mercifully sparing her a second fiasco. Natalia sat at the defense station, staring off into space and lightly tapping her fingers on the console. Guy sat next to her at the weapons station looking equally as bored, with his hands hanging off the armrests and his head tilted back. She would've thought he was sleeping except for the slight twist of his seat as he turned it with his heel. Strange that he would look so bored, Raine thought. Perhaps he'd finally gotten his fill of the Tartarus and now had nothing new to learn. But it was more likely something else.

Something she didn't want to acknowledge.

She shook her head and turned to the other side of the bridge. With Mieu sleeping in his lap, Ion watched the topography map at navigation. Tear sat next to him at radar. Anise had stepped out and Luke was who knew where. Raine certainly didn't. And without Mieu? Raine didn't think any more of it. She was far more concerned with everyone and everything else, even if no one here showed any interest in her at all. Or were they just looking away whenever she checked?

Of course not! That was ridiculous. She didn't need to worry about that. No, there were more pressing concerns than that. She stared out the bridge windows thinking back to Keterburg and the earthquake. Something had changed back then. Did the others notice? In the face of their mission to save Saint Binah, Raine really wasn't sure, but it was definitely not a good thing.

Water surrounded them and yet the fonons felt strange, like they had somehow fallen into a whirlpool and something was draining them. It was very subtle and extremely slow, but it was there, reminding her strongly of the way Sylvarant felt with the gradual decline of mana. Could the humans feel it, too? It was possible given that they could sense fonons in the same way that elves could feel mana. After all, they felt the initial snap—at least that was the best word she had for it—but then no one had indicated feeling anything since.

Was it really related to home? As Jade had said, she had no way to know.

These people had bigger problems anyway. Saint Binah's collapse would mean yet another failure to them, but with the way Auldrant began to feel like Sylvarant, Raine wondered how long this abundancy would last. Or would it matter in the face of everyone dying as the land collapsed one continent followed by another? Too nervous to stand still, Raine paced back towards the navigation and radar stations and made a casual pass by the radar to see if anyone had followed the Tartarus. Not that the blips could show up very far away, but she saw over Tear's shoulder that none of the current blips followed them at all. Which meant no one from the Order tailed them.

Good. At least something was in her favor. Mohs wasn't looking for her just yet.

But as she walked the bridge, she still felt anxious and for far more than that. Even the earthquake and thinking about Genis didn't explain all the dread she felt. Raine intentionally kept to the side where Guy wasn't, not that it stopped her from stealing a glance over that way. Every time she did, it was like an invisible hand clutching her heart as tightly as she clutched her staff.

As much as she wanted to explain, wanted him to understand, it just felt too awkward to face him after telling him about the exspheres. She still carried his gloves simply because she couldn't figure out how to hand them off to him. It should be easy, right? Just walk up and give them back. But it wasn't. Even without saying anything at all. And she still felt their heavy weight. She just didn't want to see him look at her like that again.

The way his blue eyes widened in horror, the same look that humans in Sylvarant gave her upon learning she was actually a half-elf. The way his cool, relaxed demeanor hardened into something only his past had brought up before. She took a sharp breath. Would his disgust be visible if she walked over and saw his face on the other side of that seat? She didn't want to know.

Then she locked eye contact with Jade who finally pulled his attention from the helm monitor. A shallow but sharp gasp seized her lungs. Maybe he was paying attention. He must be. There was something in the way he watched her that intensified her heartbeat. He held his chin with a narrow focus in his eyes. Raine felt a shiver race through her. Yet again, there it was, that stare that made her feel exposed. Except it felt different from the frown and confusion he usually directed at her. There was a note of curiosity. She tried to swallow but found her mouth had gone dry. What did that stare mean? Did Guy say something about the village in the sky? Why else would Jade look at her like that?

Then he smiled. Oh, no! "Hoping to learn how to read blips? I'm sure Guy is happy to teach you." Guy sat up and twisted his seat around at the mention of his name.

Nope. She'd rather leave.

But Jade didn't let it stop there. "Tear, do you mind?" While Tear nodded her head and made to stand up, Raine headed off towards the bridge door to leave.

"I'd rather not, thank you." Raine muttered as she passed Jade. As much as she didn't want to see Guy's face, she compulsively looked at him. He had already risen from his seat just like Tear had. He didn't look disgusted. Somehow, that didn't make this any easier.

"Strange," Jade mirrored her low voice. "To pass up this opportunity. It would be in your best interest."

Would it? She thought and wholeheartedly disagreed.

Raine rushed out the door.

Of course learning how to use the stations would come in handy, but it was useless without knowing how to read! Like she needed Guy to become suspicious about that. Jade was already suspicious; was this his way of confirming those suspicions? Perhaps she should go back to her room and study some more—not that she was making much progress on her own. The native writing was difficult to decipher, even with the notes on her map. She just plain didn't have enough information to match the symbols to sounds and make sense of them!

For once, tackling that puzzle didn't interest her right now, and Raine ended up wandering the hallways of the Tartarus with no specific destination in mind. Rummaging had lost its appeal since Mohs's threats. Besides, she had too much to carry as it was and much more would slow her down beyond escape. Even paying off Class M, she still had plenty of funds to last her. So what then? She already sewed up the tear in her sleeve, so she didn't need to worry about that anymore. Maybe the lounge would be a good place to go. Then she remembered Guy sitting in that very room with her, again, looking at her like something was wrong. She shook the memory from her mind. Definitely not.

The cafeteria? She didn't feel like cooking, but maybe sitting there and… doing what? Someone else might show up and wonder if she was going to make something and then wonder why she didn't. So she wandered the hallway where half the party had chosen their rooms. Each door she passed seemed bland, almost mocking her with silent stoicism and peace.

Then she reached the door to Guy's room.

She stopped.

He wasn't in there right now. Hmm… Raine grinned. That would work!

Luke opened his diary and set pencil to page when he paused and re-read what he'd written before. Forget about the thing he found in Keterburg, he had written about the strange flickering fonons and how Saint Binah was about to fall. He flipped his pencil around and tapped the eraser on the page. What were they going to do about that? He still didn't know. But there he sat on Guy's bed with his feet dangling off and his diary in his lap, waiting for Guy to come back from the bridge and now he had even more to ask him. He had to return eventually.

So Luke waited. He set his diary aside, leaving it open, and absentmindedly picked up the thing he found from its spot next to him and rolled it back and forth in his hands, more to do something rather than nothing.

All he could do was wait, both for Guy and to reach Grand Chokmah, and even if there were other things he could do right now instead, nothing would take his mind off of their plight anyway, especially since the earthquake. Jade had commented that Saint Binah would fall if an earthquake happened there, but he later backpedaled when they crossed the snow to Keterburg port and said it wasn't likely they had felt it that far away. For one thing, earthquakes took time to travel and the further from the epicenter it was, the less intense it would be. He then followed it up with a smile and accused Raine of causing the earthquake with her crashing the Tartarus so of course they wouldn't feel it in Saint Binah. If he expected an upstart, though, he was disappointed. When Luke looked over his shoulder to Raine, she had simply shaken her head with a resigned sigh. She said nothing at all. Was she mad at Jade, too?

She didn't look mad. Then how come a remark like that didn't bother her? Jade wasn't very subtle about what he thought of Luke and a quip less than that was enough to bite. Luke pulled his knees close and sank into them. He wrapped his arms around, clinging to the thing in his fist. It wasn't just them either. Anise had been merciless after they picked her up at Daath, too. Where Raine didn't breathe a word of her discontent with him, Anise had been extremely vocal, more so than even Jade. He knew regaining trust wouldn't be easy but why did it have to feel so bad?

The door opened and Luke sat straight up, expecting to see Guy. Finally! He could ask him about—

It was Raine.

Luke grabbed his diary, shut it, and stashed in the space between himself and Guy's pillow. What was she doing here? Guy was up on the bridge! Did she want to wait for him, too? Man, if that was her plan….

Raine marched in with a look of determination and pulled out Guy's gloves from her bag. She set them on the table and leaned her staff against a chair. Luke tilted his head, curious, as she readjusted the gloves into a neat pile, one on top of the other. She smiled at them. Then her face contorted and she demanded, "There. Now quit harassing me!" And she snatched up her staff and started for the door.

Was Guy doing that? He'd never seen Guy act like that before. Luke had to ask. "Harassing you?" He raised his hand and pointed at Guy's gloves. "Is he harassing you about those?"

Raine twisted around, free hand to her chest, and stared at him with wide eyes, that same look she gave him in Daath and later in Keterburg. Clearly she didn't expect him to be there. But even after the surprise wore off, she still didn't say anything. She simply stared at him with a horrified expression. She was still angry at him, she had to be.

Clearly she still didn't want to talk. He sank back into the bed and continued playing with the thing, running his fingers along its smooth surface. It was a small clock, like a pocket watch with a glass cover, but the clock itself was spherical instead of flat with an oversized crown. He felt the cold metal of the crown and flicked his eyes up to see her. Her shoulders had sagged but otherwise, she hadn't moved. Why didn't she go away already?

"What?" Luke snapped finally.

That jolted her out of her stupor. She reminded him of one of the maids when they got caught stepping out of line, the way she scrambled for something to focus on instead of him. The next time her eyes returned to him, though, her face softened and she wore a soft frown. She took a deep breath and set her stuff down on the table next to Guy's gloves. Staff and all.

"No, he hasn't been." Raine said softly. He closed his eyes. Now she wanted to talk? He didn't want to anymore. Luke felt the mattress sink near him but he didn't acknowledge her. He focused on feeling the smooth of the clock thing with his thumb. "I know that look," she continued, "Genis wore it when we had to leave." He stole a peek at her. She had chosen the spot towards the middle of the bed and stared at the far wall like he had. What the hell?! She still wouldn't look at him! Why did she come over here? He rubbed the glass surface with a little more fervor. "It's okay if you're not ready to talk."

Luke sighed. Maybe she genuinely wanted to know, but suddenly he didn't feel like sharing. He was waiting for Guy anyway. Not her. And why the sudden change? Somehow, though, she felt warmer than she had been for a while, more like she was before Akzeriuth happened. Maybe he could finally find out what was going on. "Aren't you mad at me?"

"I have no reason to be."

What? "That can't be right," he muttered. But he felt encouraged to see the same woman who'd been singing to him when he couldn't sleep. Maybe she wasn't mad anymore, but then….

"Why not?" Raine asked him.

Seriously? She didn't know? Was she lying? Everyone else said she lied a lot, so maybe. "Because you've been cold with me ever since we found you in Daath." He didn't withhold the accusation in his voice. For a moment, her eyes flashed back to the surprise of finding him sitting here, and then she deflated, choosing to stare down at her feet.

"I'm sorry." She chewed her lip and turned away from him. "That was something else, not you." He doubted that, especially with out she refused to look at him, even now after apologizing. "My mind has been heavy lately."

He remembered the Fourth Monument Hill where she panicked about losing the Rheaird, and while she did have an outburst then, he doubted that was the problem now. She refused to look at him before that. "I know I destroyed Akzeriuth, but I am trying to do better!"

Raine shook her head again and closed her eyes. "It's not you. I don't care what you've done."

"But I—"

"What happened was inevitable."

Inevitable?! Luke felt the word poison his chest. "Then why is everyone blaming me?" He yelled. "If I couldn't do anything different to change it?"

Even though he yelled, she didn't raise her voice. "It was a perfect storm of bad judgments and we all had a hand in it. Even you."

That didn't help him feel any better. He scoffed and scooted so his back was against the wall. "Then why are they so mad at me?"

"Are you sure you want to know?" No, he thought but he said nothing. She apparently took that to mean yes. "They're frustrated by the lack of responsibility you exhibited."

Luke flinched as if she had smacked him across the face instead of his ego. What did they want from him? He didn't even know what he was doing! Somehow that thought made him feel worse. "But I didn't mean to destroy it!" He leaned forward on the mattress, pulling his legs underneath him to sit on. "I wanted to save Akzeriuth, I didn't know this would happen." He squeezed the clock out of frustration. Thankfully, it was too strong to shatter from the pressure. He sat back on his feet, feeling defeated.

"Yes, I know," Raine said. She still didn't raise her voice. Even that started to get on his nerves. Why didn't she sound angry?! "Sometimes we don't know the consequences of our actions until it's too late." Ugh, she wasn't helping! Why didn't she just leave? Even the mysteriousness of this clock thing felt even more annoying. "You're not the only on who has made a mistake that has cost lives." Raine went silent and he watched a ghost of a memory drift across her face. That, more than anything else she could've said, calmed him instantly. Some people died because of her? What could've happened? He didn't wait long for her to elaborate. "I once killed a man because we were in the wrong place at the wrong time." It still bothered her. It showed even in her slouched shoulders.

"How do you live with that?" He asked in a much softer voice. He truly wanted to know. Ever since that soldier attacked him on the Tartarus, the very first man he killed, the guilt ate at him, too.

Raine shrugged. "I've seen so many terrible things, at this point, I'm just grateful to have my life."

Luke hesitated to ask, but a part of him really wanted to know, even if he didn't. He found himself asking automatically. "Worse than this?"

She nodded, but gave him no other answer. He could tell it was definitely true and his imagination exploded with what it could be. Was it an accident like Jade's? Where someone died because she misused an arte? Or did someone drown because she couldn't save them? But even with each idea he had, none seemed worse than his mistake that caused Akzeriuth's collapse.

Finally, she conceded. "The people you killed died, but sometimes I wonder if there are worse things than death." She closed her mouth almost as if to keep any tears at bay, but her eyes remained stoic and unfeeling, strange for someone as caring as her. In this moment, she looked more like Jade, cold and distant. He felt a pang for her, the stab wound in his chest that she must be carrying around. Something that was worse than death? What could it be?

"You must've seen some terrible stuff."

Finally, she turned her body to face him. "The same disregard you held for the people of Akzeriuth. 'Don't touch them, you'll get sick.'" She spoke with a supportive tone, rather than accusatory, but it still hit him hard like anything Tear had said. That was worse than death? She continued, "No one doubted your desire to help. Or at the very least, I didn't. Your heart was in the right place but you allowed yourself to to be misguided by someone you didn't think to question." She paused. "No, your worse offense was pushing the rest of us away with your hostility."

"Jeez, you're harsh." Exactly like Tear. Luke shifted to hug his knees and he shrank into the tiniest ball he could make. Now he regretted saying anything to her and he wished once again that she'd just leave. But she didn't. He didn't have the guts to tell her to. Or the heart, really. For now she was willing to speak to him. Why was her voice so level and calm, anyway? No wonder Guy kept insisting she was so mysterious! She was flat-out confusing!

Raine continued, "Yes, sometimes life is harsh like that, but remember this, too, there is something I did appreciate about you back then." Confused, he looked up at her. "You're the one who said there's nothing more important than saving Akzeriuth. There is something in that… That's a truer part of who you are."

Didn't Ion say that, too? That Luke was kind but had a rough way of showing it? But Luke always felt angry when he talked to people and didn't know why. No, he knew. They annoyed him. He didn't really understand why but he knew Raine did. She had mentioned it before.

"Yeah," he began, "you talked about that a lot, how others treated you, but I've never seen anyone abuse you. Why do you insist they did?"

A strange expression fell across her face and it changed even as he watched, leaving him trying to decipher what he was seeing. Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open, but then her features tightened into a shut-down. He thought she might not elaborate, but then, "Sometimes past experience colors what you do now. Just because it was true with some people doesn't make it true with everyone. You all showed me that." Raine looked down at her hands folded in her lap. She began playing with the orange fabric of her jacket as if looking for a loose thread. That's when Luke noticed she had sewed up her sleeve. She didn't have Guy's skills at sewing, but then, he didn't either. "It just took me a while to see it.

"That doesn't mean that it wasn't true, though," she added, looking up but not at him. "I took your hostility to mean you hated me, too, even though Guy told me not to take it personally when we first met."

Guy said that? Luke frowned. "It's not that I hated you," he began to speak but then paused. Was he really that bad? That people felt he hated them? Did Guy ever feel that way? What if he did?

"What is that, anyway?" Raine asked, pointing to the clock in Luke's hands.

He held it up and shrugged. "I have no idea." He held it out for her to take, so she did, looking it over more closely. Whatever this thing was, it was definitely new to her. She examined it more closely than she examined the items she'd found at the Zao Ruins. "But this treasure chest came out of the sky and hit the ground near me. I remembered what happened in Belkend when everyone found the chest there, so—"

Confused, Raine turned her eyes back to him. "How did you remember that?" she asked. "You weren't there. You stayed in Yulia City when everyone else left."

"I saw everything through Asch's eyes."

"Really?!" At that her interest piqued. With her fingers closed around the thing he found, she leaned on her hands closer to him. "How long have you been able to do that? Have you done that before? Can you do it now?"

Startled by her excitement, he pulled away from her, smashing Guy's pillow with his weight. He couldn't feel his diary digging into his leg. In a panicked voice, he almost shouted, "I don't know! I was just passed out and then next thing I knew, I was wearing Asch's clothes. I could talk to him and everything."

"Fascinating…"

Luke blushed. "Would you back off?" He held up his arm as a barricade between them. She realized how much she crowded him and pulled away, back to where she was before, and she cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. Please continue."

"Anyway," he said, still flushed with embarrassment, "I figured someone left it as a prize for someone to take so I decided to get it. There was a guy standing there saying he wanted to know what was in it, and when I opened it, he seemed disappointed. This is all there was." As curious as she was, Raine handed it back to him almost forcefully like it was hot. He ignored that, though, and resumed playing with it. It did feel kind of warm. "I asked him about it, and he said that he didn't know what it was but told me not to use it until I did know. 'Bad stuff happens when you use things you don't fully understand.'" At that moment, Luke went silent. That sounded too much like what happened at Akzeriuth. He hadn't realized that he sat so still until Raine spoke.

"Perhaps you can find out what it is. Someone has to know."

Luke nodded. "Yeah, sure." He held it up to look at it more closely again. "It's just… everyone seems to know everything and then they speak to me like I know nothing." Then he dropped the thing in his lap and leaned back, allowing his arms to hold him up. There was nothing to look at except the bunk bed above him, but he still watched it like there was something to see. "Even now, I'm not sure what to do." He paused long enough to sigh. "I want to do better, but I just don't know how."

"It's a matter of learning is all," Raine said. She scooted a little closer to him, but this time, respectfully. "If you want, I can help teach you." At this, his face lit up with excitement and he sat up again.

"You mean it?"

She laughed and held up her hand. "Of course. One of the most important things to learn is that everyone has a motive and so long as you keep that in mind, remember to look for it, you'll go a long way to prevent another disaster like Akzeriuth."

"How do you look for a motive?"

"You look for the 'why' behind someone's words and actions. You can ask your query and see what you can conclude, but…" Of course. What use is that? He sank back into himself. Raine noticed. "What's wrong?"

"I did, though. I asked Master Van why... Why was he so nice to me. I thought the answer was enough, but he still..."

"That's a very important question," Raine replied, "In a world of people who you think didn't treat you right, why would he be the only one who was nice to you?"

Luke nodded, but he still felt a little puzzled. Why did she think that? He didn't feel that way. "It's not like that," he said slowly as he tried to figure it out. "I guess it wasn't entirely true that he was the only one nice to me. But he was the only one who made me feel…" He struggled to find the right word, so Raine offered her own suggestion.

"Worthwhile?"

He thought for a moment. "Yeah, I guess so." His neck felt warm again and turned away from her. "Like when you sang to me." Then realizing what he said, he rushed to add, "But you've been really cold lately. I thought it meant—" His voice cut off as he realized he was about to say something he didn't want to. No, he definitely wasn't going to say that.

"I'm sorry," Raine said again. "I know it seems like I was mad at you, but I promise that wasn't you. I've got so much to worry about." He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could ask about that, she continued, "Let's not discuss that right now." Then she added, "What about Guy... sometimes I wonder about him. Why is he nice to you?"

Well that was weird. Why ask him that? Luke exhaled sharply with exasperation, and he wanted to roll his eyes. Instead, he looked back at the bedframe away from her as he said, "He's my servant. He's supposed to be nice." Since when had he been anything else to anyone? Well, maybe there were a few times Guy had glared at him for no reason, but he never actually treated him badly.

"'Supposed to' isn't necessarily a motive," Raine said. "You aren't friends?"

"Well, yeah, but…"

"He considers you his friend, not just a master," she pointed out. "Maybe you should think deeper about why that is." Surprised, Luke went quiet and slouched back into thought. What did she mean by that? He thought back to the manor where everyone was expected to serve him and his parents, and that servitude certainly had changed when Luke left with Tear to Malkuth. The people in Engeve accused him of stealing and Jade was certainly a jerk, but other people treated him differently than the servants did. Something about that tugged at him. Is that what she was meant? "For example," Raine offered, "he's nice to me because he wants an in with Class M. He loves technology."

Luke smirked. "No way. He's nice to you because he thinks you're interesting. Well, that and he just treats everyone that way."

"Really?" Raine's voice held a note of skepticism, but he nodded. Then he paused. Is that why Guy is nice to me? But… what about Guy's coming to see him at Aramis Spring? He waited for him. What did that mean? Suddenly he found himself doubting Guy's intention.

"He's talked about you quite a bit," Luke said without much interest, "wondering about this or that or about the flying machine. He says you're too confusing to be understood and I guess that mystery interests him." Luke tossed the thing from one hand to the other. "He doesn't believe you're from Radessia."

"You wanted to learn something," Raine said, leaning back and resting her head against the metal post of Guy's bed. "He probably doesn't believe me because I lied about that."

"Huh? You mean, you're really not from Radessia?"

Raine shrugged. "Before we split up at Port Belkend, I'd never been there." She turned to the opposite wall.

"Why would you lie about that?" He asked, stung.

She smiled and watched him from the corner of her eye. "Nice try, but I'm not answering that. Let's just say I lied for a very good reason."

"Fine. I'll just find out some other way." He tossed the thing back and forth a little faster. Guy had mentioned this a lot, too, how much Raine kept her secrets close to her and wouldn't answer questions with any form of clarity. Not that Luke hadn't seen it for himself, but there were moments of Guy venting a lot of frustration about it.

"You can try," Raine teased, "but it's impossible to get a definite answer from conjecture."

"How am I supposed to understand you? You're too hard to read!"

"Well," Raine replied simply, "I don't expect you to."

Of course not! And she wasn't the only one who frustrated everyone with her unwillingness to talk. Ion was always very tight-lipped about stuff too and Luke hated that. Hey, wait a minute. Something about that made sense suddenly. "Is that how you got into trouble with Mohs? You wouldn't tell him anything either?"

Raine frowned. "Yes, I do have a lot of people curious about me, haven't I? But if you want to understand me," she slowed her voice and zoned out as she spoke, "you can gather evidence for yourself." The thing came to rest in his left hand. What was going on with her now? She returned to staring ahead of her as if stunned about something. What was that about? "You'll be more accurate if you don't ignore any signs to the contrary."

"To the contrary…." Luke glanced at the door. Guy would surely be coming any minute. What would he say to finding Luke and Raine in his room? "Have you ever been wrong about someone?"

"Oh, absolutely," Raine said. What mistakes could she have made? Luke wondered. "When I base my conclusions on emotions and bias, I'm usually wrong. When I align all of the facts and they all fit, I'm usually more accurate."

"How do I do that?"

Raine thought for a moment. "All I can say is pay attention, but you can only do the best you can. That's why I never caught on to Van's plans either. I didn't gather enough evidence to question his motives." Her eyes met his. "Or yours."

Luke hung his head and set the thing on Guy's pillow. "Yeah, I didn't question his motives at all."

"He told you something, though. Something you'd believe. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been so eager to follow him."

He thought about it. "He told me that I was stuck in the manor because I'm a weapon for Kimlasca since I'm the only one who can use a hyperresonance on my own. But that was before—"

Raine's interest again piqued. "You can use it on your own? Is that how you and Tear left Baticul?"

What the hell?! He darkened and shouted at her, "Is that all you have to say about that?"

"Oh, sorry."

He glared at her. Might as well answer, but he still felt angry. "I don't know."

"I see."

She turned away, and they sat in silence, unsure what to say next. Luke huffed and snatched up the clock, once again tossing it back and forth. As angry as he felt suddenly, it died away the more she sat there with him. It helped to know she wasn't upset with him and that eased a tight feeling in his chest, though not completely. Something still felt off. If it was true that she wasn't upset with him, why did she always look at him like that? Maybe it wasn't anger. Was it something else? He half-expected to hear footsteps down the hall. When he didn't, he paused and dropped his hands in his lap. "Raine?"

"Yes?"

Luke wanted to say "thanks", but he couldn't. "Do you think the others will stay mad?"

Raine laid a hand on his shoulder. "Your actions will always speak louder than your words. If you want to earn everyone else's trust, do the right thing and they'll come around."

"The right thing…." Saving Saint Binah was the right thing to do. But how could he do that? "What if I don't know what to do?" Her face held a knowing smile.

"It's a frustrating answer, but it is a simple one," Raine said. "Follow what your heart tells you." She stopped again, as if realizing something. Would she quit doing that?! What did that even mean? Then she shook her head. "If you pay attention to it, you'll hear what it has to say. If you notice yourself feeling angry again and you don't know why, you'll know it wasn't the right thing."

Raine's smile turned genuine and she lifted her hand from his shoulder. She stood up, the last of her words echoing in Luke's mind. "I'm sorry you thought I was angry with you. I'll try harder to pay attention to how my actions affect you and everyone else. Thank you for saying something."

Embarrassed, Luke could only nod with his chin against his chest. He heard her gather up her bag and her staff and when the door closed behind her, it sounded heavy. After a moment, Luke set the clock down and picked up his diary from next to Guy's pillow.

Guy kept his eyes on the screen in front of him, but his mind tailed Raine when she left the bridge. He had bought the lemons to make her spaghetti but that project didn't get much farther than the lemons arriving at the Tartarus cafeteria. The intent was there, but his heart wasn't in it. Since the earthquake, he felt the distance between them both. No, it wasn't the earthquake. Guy knew what it really was and he tried his best ignore it. Not that it worked. It was like the exsphere itself had been planted on his own wrist and the horribleness of it was slowly eating its way through his skin. Even without knowing how it worked, he felt poisoned by it.

"Tear?" Ion asked. "It looks like the topographical map might be picking up an island. Does it show it on your map?"

"No, it's still far enough away."

Guy turned his seat to see them. Unless a threat appeared, those stations were the only ones that had something to pay attention to. Man, he could've used that distraction right now. He turned back to the arte screen and sighed. He had thought about the exsphere over and over and the implications of it. They were made from humans, and Raine's insistence on the word "humans" instead of "people" implied that those making them were not humans. In other words… elves made them. But that meant elves really were real, which could be why she still insisted on lying to them about being one. Why? Where were the elves that no one had seen them for centuries? No matter how much he thought about it, he could only come to one conclusion, one possibility: Elves really did live in the sky.

He thought Natalia was crazy to believe it, but what if it was their disbelief that prevented the others from seeing the truth? The more he thought about it, the more it made sense to him to think it was at least possible that elves existed. Raine claimed to be an elf and admitted that she told people she was so she wouldn't be persecuted. That didn't add up for him either.

All along he knew she was a human, one that had deluded herself into believing otherwise. Since she told him she wasn't a replica, he wasn't sure what she was. But if elves really did exist and didn't like humans, even to the point of turning their lives into exspheres, it would explain the prejudice she grew up with. But then… how long have elves been up there that they would've been forgotten about? Was there really no record of them anywhere? How come no one ever saw them? Were the fictional stories about them true? But they were just stories! And none of them mentioned anything remotely like exspheres. Or was that simply because no one ever returned to the ground to warn others about them?

But as he sat there, he doubted how much he really wanted to know. Every time Raine used her power, she used the life of a human. How was he supposed to feel about that? No wonder Raine thought he'd kill her if he knew. Anyone would be afraid of something like that, of learning that such technology existed. What if he got caught up in that?

"You seem troubled by something."

Guy looked over to Natalia at the defense station. She'd finally shaken herself out of her thoughts, apparently, and now she sought something else to occupy her. Why him? Well, actually, why not him? He sat right next to her. Now he really wished he'd taken a different station, perhaps the one next to Tear who didn't really say much. But since Natalia said something… "And you look distracted." Startled by his response, she turned away again. Somehow, he thought he knew what was on her mind, and almost half as sure that she knew he was thinking about Raine.

Anymore, Raine was going out of her way to tell him stories, give him clues, but she still didn't feel comfortable outright saying anything. His only option at this point was to wait and see what else she said until she decided to tell him everything. If she ever did. Deep down, he wanted to ask Natalia more about what Raine had told her, but he doubted she would say much.

Not that it mattered. Rather than think about that, "I imagine you're struggling with what to feel," he told Natalia. "With both Asch and Luke."

She ran her hand along the panel almost petting it to procrastinate on her answer. "It was so strange…" Natalia replied finally. "I always believed Luke would remember, but seeing Asch, I didn't know what to think anymore. Anytime I tried talking to him, he acted like I was a stranger. And now that we've spent some time with him, I can't stop thinking about how he must be feeling, being replaced. I'm afraid he really has forgotten his promise."

It was possible, but Guy didn't want to tell her that. Natalia had always loved Luke since the time before his kidnapping. It would hurt her too much to think she'd been forgotten. "He's probably preoccupied."

"Asch always loved our country, just like I do. I want to believe in him."

Guy nodded. He didn't quite feel the same, but he could see why she felt that way. Asch was the Duke's real son and the one she was supposed to marry, yet he had tried to kill them a couple of times now. Yes, they traveled together to find out Van's true motives on stuff, but Guy couldn't bring himself to trust him. Instead, he opted to just listen. He hadn't expected her to change the flow of the conversation though.

"The date didn't go well…" Natalia said.

"Huh?" He blushed when he realized what she meant. Date? Is that what everyone thought? Well… he supposed it was sort of true. …Wait, did Raine feel that way? Damn, he hoped not. He really needed to stop leading her on.

He sat back in his seat in resignation. No, he didn't want to say anything about it. Well, deep down, he did want someone to talk to. From the sounds of it, Natalia had known more about Raine's situation than he had, though he doubted she knew about the exsphere. Still… he would have to be very careful about what he said, especially if they stayed to talk where everyone else could hear.

Natalia seemed to sense that.

"It's kind of late, but how about we get some lunch?" She suggested. "Jade probably won't need us until we get closer to Malkuth anyway." Yeah. That sounded like a good idea, even if only to alleviate some boredom. Guy nodded and stood up.

Now that the cafeteria had been thoroughly cleaned, it was a much better place to rest. Guy became more fond of it and found himself hanging around here a lot more. Natalia immediately noticed something on the counter and picked them up.

"Why are the lemons still in the bag?" She asked. He pretended not to hear her. She set them in the fruit basket before she paused, looking at all the fruit. "I didn't even know we had any." Guy shrugged rather than own up to them. Instead he pulled some rice out of the cabinet, opting for something simple while Natalia watched and waited.

"What did you decide on?"

"Fried rice." He set the pan on the stove and lit the fire underneath.

"I'll get the eggs."

Guy guessed she wasn't ready to actually talk any more than he was. In fact, neither one had opted to say anything at all while the rice cooked, leaving the dish to do all the talking while it first sizzled and then bubbled. Eventually, it ran out of things to say, too. Once the fried rice was ready, he served a portion for each of them. When he set the plate in front of her, though, she didn't immediately start eating. Neither did he.

He sat down and still struggled with saying anything. He agreed it was a good idea to have a late lunch but now that they were here, neither one knew what to say. They sat in an awkward silence, surveying different parts of the room and ignoring their food altogether. Funny, he thought he was hungry when she first mentioned it…

Did he really want to talk? Not really. Well, he wanted to talk to Raine but she avoided him so much even on the trip back to the Tartarus. He had walked near her for a ways and then she sped up to walk behind Tear. So why couldn't he speak now? Thankfully, Natalia broke the awkward silence.

"So, did you and Raine have another fight?"

"Not a fight." Not really anyway. Not unless he counted when he snapped at her. That awful feeling intensified. He really shouldn't have done that, but he was so frustrated with her. Natalia nodded as if she knew. Then she glanced down at her hands in her lap and began wringing them. Odd. Did she know something? Did Raine talk to her after all? Curious, he waited until she took a deep breath.

"She saw your gloves the morning we left and she took off, upset."

The gloves? That's what she was thinking about? He didn't regret giving them to her, even as he thought back to how weird it was to hold the hand of someone else wearing them, but he definitely missed having them, especially on the trip back to Keterburg Port. He kept his hands in his pockets most of the way and he was grateful very few monsters came out to attack. The cold was merciless without some kind of protection and he wondered how Raine could stand having bare hands. He clapped his hands once and nodded. "I gave them to her because her hands were cold." He saw Natalia's eyes flick down at his hands.

"She didn't return them."

No, she hadn't, but he almost felt she was trying to, somehow. The way that she was so indecisive about where to be sometimes when they were in the same room, for example. And it did take her a while before she decided to catch up to Tear in the snow, but she hadn't said anything to him the whole time they walked, even when Jade needled her again about crashing the Tartarus. At the time, Guy thought it was tasteless of him to blame the earthquake on her even in jest. "She will. I think she's just embarrassed."

"Well, what did you say to her?" Natalia demanded.

Guy scoffed. "Why do you think it was me?"

"What does she have to be embarrassed about, then?"

If only she knew. Guy frowned. "So she was still embarrassed this morning? Are you sure?"

"Well, she didn't quite look angry," Natalia admitted. "I suppose embarrassment is what I saw, but if she's not embarrassed because of you, then why? What happened?"

No, he wasn't answering that. Instead, he glanced around the cafeteria, looking for a point of evasion from a room that had none to offer. Now that he was here, he didn't want to be here talking about this. He checked the ceiling for an answer but didn't find one there either. He was not going to bring up the exspheres. "I suppose Raine really is an elf from the sky."

Natalia nodded. "Yes, I believe so. Did she tell you?"

"Sort of…" But not in those words or details. "You said something about the abilities that elves had. I hadn't put much thought into that before." Damn! He didn't want to say anything about them, but here he was alluding to them anyway!

But she watched him with confusion. "I'm sorry. I'm afraid I don't know what you're trying to say."

Guy shook his head and sighed. Now that he opened his big mouth, he rubbed his hands together as he tried to find the right words. How could he talk about something without talking about it? "I guess they really do have different technology."

"Yes, the Rheaird." Natalia said. Guy supposed that was close enough. Or was it too strong of a misdirection for her to get the point? "I wondered if they were the ones who created the hover drive."

Now that was an interesting thought. Damn, he really needed to do something. He started tapping his foot with the anxiety of it. With nothing else in mind, Guy picked up his fork. If elves had been around long enough to be forgotten, they could've been around during the Dawn Age when this technology was made. Were they the ones responsible for it? "But there's no record of them that I've heard of." He played with his rice with his fork, almost sorting the egg and the vegetables out of it, and couldn't look at her. Even at the mention of the Rheaird and the hover drives, the exsphere welded itself to his mind and he couldn't shake it off. "I imagine the Order probably gagged all mention of them for a reason. I just wonder what could've been so bad…."

He finally looked up at her and saw the skepticism in her face. She shook her head.

"So bad? If the Order wanted to gag elves, it's probably because they didn't believe in the Score the way we do. Raine obviously doesn't and she said so herself that's why Mohs wanted to speak with her. If they found out she was from the sky, I could see why they'd see her as a threat. Where else would her fear come from?"

"Yeah, I suppose heretics would be a threat to the Score…." He rested his elbow on the table and held his chin. He had no interest in his lunch and so continued to sort it. "I guess I'd be afraid of the Order, too."

Finally Natalia picked up her own fork. "I still don't understand why she can't use the Albiore. Why wouldn't it work for her if all she wants to do is go home? What's stopping her?"

He thought about it. What was the difference between the Albiore and the Rheaird anyway? Size, for one thing. Raine said the Albiore was too big. Maybe that had a bigger factor than it sounded, especially for such a feeble excuse when it came to finding Genis. "I suppose it depends on the thrust power the Albiore has. If the engines aren't powerful enough, it wouldn't give the lift she'd need to reach high enough into the sky. She could be referring to that." In fact, something about that made a lot of sense. Guy sat up straighter. The Rheaird…. Exspheres were made from human lives… was the purpose of the Rheaird to come to Auldrant and take humans to make exspheres? Raine stole the Rheaird as a way to escape. Was she—

"What is it?" Natalia asked.

"Uh, n-nothing." He chewed his lip. She crossed her arms and glared at him from across the table. She didn't have to remind him that she'd spilled something to him that she wasn't supposed to. Her reaction said it all. She half-expected the same from him. "Look, it's not even an educated guess. I'd rather not spread rumors that might not true. She feels the way she feels for a reason." At that, she softened, less certain she wanted to hear it. He continued, "Still, I have no reason to think she's bad. How can I convince her of that? I mean… Her father was a really good man." Guy dropped his fork back onto his plate. "He taught her the value of life. So much so that when it was just Raine and Genis, they traveled all over the place and never tried to hurt anyone. They just tried to fit in, tried to…" he struggled for the right words, "aid strangers. Who can fault her for that?"

Natalia nodded as she chewed on his words. "I imagine it's hard for elves to fit in among humans."

Guy nodded. Except Raine was a human living among elves. Was that why she claimed to be an elf? She'd been an "elf" for so long that it was second-nature to call herself that but she knew she was otherwise. Even among humans she felt like an elf. That made sense! He smiled. "Yeah… that explains a lot, huh? The persecution she faced." Then he frowned and returned to sorting his lunch. A lot of the carrots chunks were now gathered to one side. It wasn't that he didn't like them. He just didn't feel like eating. If elves were stealing human lives….

Natalia ate a few bites in silence, watching him. She chewed slowly as if thinking hard about it.

"Anyway," he continued, "I guess what I really wanted to know was… what if you were right? What if there really was something to learn about elves that we didn't want to know?"

"Oh…." She dipped her fork into the rice again. "Do you really think there's something that bad?"

Yes. "Raine believes it's bad, obviously."

Natalia paused and watched him carefully. He saw her suspicion. He wasn't just guessing, and she probably picked up on it. Well, hopefully she wouldn't press too hard about it. Please don't make me go into it. Her frown deepened the more time the passed until she relented. "I've wondered about that, but Tear said Anise was lying about how dangerous elves are." Guy sighed in relief. She let it go for now. "We've seen the things Raine can do, clearly she isn't any more dangerous than anyone else."

"Anise said elves are dangerous?"

"Yes, they can be; that does go along with some of the stories I'd read about elves, but I thought they were pure fiction." Natalia held up her fork thoughtfully. The scrambled egg on it quivered a little. Yes, Guy had read some stories, too, but if any of them were real, the authors didn't seem to write them that way. They weren't written like history books. "I'll bet it's all unfounded fears, though," she continued. "Don't you think Raine can do things with more precision and power than we can? Someone might be afraid of that." He couldn't argue with that. The way she handled the God-Generals with her sixth fonon attack at the Zao Ruins, she actually got Sync and Largo to ignore the rest of the party and target just her. Granted, that led to their losing the battle, but still. It said a lot about her power. "Anyway, if Raine is hiding any secrets, I doubt it's anything too horrible. It's probably something she's done that she's not very proud of, like with Jade and fomicry. She can't have a bigger secret than his, can she?"

Yeah, she can. But he nodded and smiled up at her as she finally ate the bite of egg and swallowed. "Yeah, you're right. She's probably just ashamed of some stuff. That's all."

"I know you're worried about her, I am too, but I think once we get her back to Sheridan and rescue the Rheaird, everything will be okay. She's just under a lot of pressure to hide her origins."

"Of course!" He tried to sound agreeable but he wasn't sure how successful he was. Natalia focused on her lunch, stirring it a little more before looking up at him again. She frowned. Uh, oh. Did he overdo it? She didn't look like she believed him.

She decided to let it go again and returned to stirring her rice. Even that distraction didn't last. "Um… Do you think anyone else knows?"

"It's possible Jade does, but I don't know how much he knows. He came back to the hotel room with much more smugness than usual and if it wasn't about Raine, I don't know what it was."

"Why would it be?"

"He cornered her at the inn earlier and they talked about stuff."

"The Tartarus?"

"Probably."

Natalia nodded. "Then I bet Jade knows. But just in case, I'm not telling him anything." Guy couldn't help but laugh. He certainly wasn't going to either. Natalia started taking more bites of her fried rice.

"All right." Guy did, too.

Jade stood at the helm of the Tartarus, but his mind wasn't at all focused on his screen. Now that he knew Raine's biggest secret, he understood her dilemma. Not just that, he knew she knew more about that earthquake than she let on. Did it have something to do with her home world? Or was there something regarding spirit seals that she knew and no one else did? She certainly had more knowledge about that stuff than anyone else. While Jade had done his own research on mana for the sake of understanding fonons better, he wasn't kidding when he told Raine the information about it was anemic. Was it vital for them to know? Perhaps if it was, she might come forward with it, if she thought she could convince them she told the truth.

But he didn't dare ask her about it. She'd know he knew something and if her behavior after she thought he learned her secret the first time wasn't clue enough, he was sure she'd have an extreme reaction to find out he really did know now. And given her flight response, she might even be scared enough to run. That could be disastrous for her. She had to realize she was safest with the party, right? But she had to get the Rheaird fixed and the party couldn't escort her forever. She'd be far better off getting to Sheridan as fast as possible instead of hanging around with them. What should she do?

He couldn't help but be impressed by her, though, managing to keep this secret for so long. Eventually, someone would catch her in a lie about reading and they'd question her about being a professor. Jade guessed even Mohs had known for a while. He knew she was headed to Belkend anyway; that's what she'd told them. They probably nabbed her as soon as she bought a ticket for Sheridan, as soon as the rest of the party left for Belkend town. It had to be then because that was the first time she'd been separated from the party.

With the way she behaved since they found her locked in that room, Jade suspected the Order already knew her secret, even if he himself didn't know it at the time. She carried a lot of anger in her outburst at being left behind. He even heard the undertones of fear. Yes, it was definitely fear that fueled that anger. She had been afraid Jade was serious about leaving her behind, even knowing how much he spoke with sarcasm. She didn't want to risk that he wasn't kidding.

And with Anise's extreme reaction to Raine going to Daath port alone, he knew she had more information the others didn't.

Hence, after Keterburg when everyone returned to the bridge except Anise, he had sought her out and pried what she knew out of her. Apparently, when Anise investigated Ion and Natalia's whereabouts, she had overheard a couple of knights talking about a "beauty who wasn't in the Score" and that whatever was the nature of the anomaly, she was safer hidden away in the Order HQ than she would be out in public, mostly for the public's protection, it sounded like. Perhaps that explained Anise's self-imposed isolation since Keterburg, but he decided that behavior was more likely the earthquake that caused it, given Luke's behavior as well. From that conversation, though, Jade surmised that Anise didn't quite understand the whole situation; she didn't need much information to know that Raine was in serious trouble even if she didn't know why.

And when he returned to bed the night he comprehended Raine's secret, Guy was awake. Jade dropped the hint that he knew about Raine, and Guy's response meant Raine hadn't told him yet. He suspected if Guy knew the truth, he would've reacted more with surprise and he likely would've asked about what Jade knew. Instead, Jade got an entertaining outburst of anger that suggested Guy and Raine's romance had hit a severe snag.

By the sounds of it, Jade was the only one of Raine's allies who knew the depth of trouble she found herself in. Of course, the others showed few signs of believing anything too strange was going on with her, with the possible exception of Natalia who thought her to be an elf and yet was satisfied with no explanation of where an elf would've come from. With Raine's awkward assertions, he wasn't sure what to believe, but on this side of things, she very likely could be an elf from another planet. Or at least, still pretending to be one since he wasn't sure how much of her stories to believe. Still, aside from Raine herself, he was the only one who knew how vital it was for her to get the Rheaird fixed.

There was no way to know how long that would take, but she definitely needed to focus on that. It would be better if she returned to Sheridan. But alone? The moment Mohs realized she was gone, he'd probably send people all over the world to find her. And since the party couldn't abandon Saint Binah to help her, her inability to read the Fonic language could become a huge liability to her.

Perhaps there was a way he could help her without deviating from his own goals or spending too much time on it.

Jade nodded.

Yes, that's what he would do.

[Changes]

Raine just came to talk to me. Apparently, she hasn't been mad at me after all! She said that she's got a lot on her mind but I don't think that's the whole truth. She's probably worried about the Rheaird and finding Genis but she's still acting weird around me. She still won't look at me. She promised to help me figure out stuff. I couldn't help but feel like it was more about distracting herself but I'm grateful that she'd even take the time after all of this. It was a hard conversation to have too. When she left I found myself wondering why Guy thinks of me as his friend. I know what he told me at Aramis Spring but why would he come back for me really?

The Incident in the Forest

Weird. Someone made some spaghetti and left it on the stove. I took some of it and it was pretty good. I told everyone else there was food to eat and Guy was the only one who stayed behind at the bridge. I wonder if he made it? Or is he not hungry? Something else seemed off about him, but I don't know what. He hasn't been quite the same since we left Keterburg but when I ask him about it, he says he's fine. I guess so. But it's not just him. I noticed Anise has been off by herself a lot too. What is going on with everyone?! Oh well.

We landed at Rotelro Bridge to head over to Rugnica for Grand Chokmah. But before we reach the capital, we'll have to pass through Theor Forest, to the north of Rotelro Bridge. We've wasted enough time as it is... We'd better get moving.

A/N: Hello, Peeps!

So... You noticed this incredibly long wait. I have the biggest apology to make to you all, especially in my late replies to you, my commenters, who leave such amazing feedback and then probably felt ignored. I don't know if you do feel negected, but if you ever have, I am so sorry.

I have a long list of excuses, including but not limited to, heavy depression, hard changes that stole an entire month of my life and left me with no energy whatsoever, and struggling with Raine and Luke because I have a hard time writing him and apparently those two can't have a simple conversation from her perspective. * shakes paw * That section was the single most difficult part of this entire story that I've struggled with since I typed out a horrible first draft with Nanowrimo. In the meantime, I sailed all the seas, cleaned the houses for every neighbor on my block, moved to Puerto Rico and back because while it's beautiful there, it's just not the same, climbed Mount Everest and what remains of Mount St Helens, and taken up farming 20 acres, all so I could avoid this stupid writer's block. (Literally none of that happened, btw. I wish I could say the truth was that productive.) So I appreciate everyone's patience with me as I figured out the cure to all of my writing woes was to switch to Luke's point of view and then figure out how to write him, and that the cure to everything else was just to check out for a while, focus on my job, and procrastinate on literally everything else except a sentence here, a word there, and resting my head on my desk. Lots and lots of head-desk resting.

Thankfully, December brought so much time off that I've finally recovered and I'm able to get more done than just staring at a paragraph and cursing it for not fixing itself. Which means that instead of the end of November like I hoped, I will post now! YAY!

49 (theoretically) should NOT have the same problem because this draft is coming together, but I do need to fill in chunks that will flesh out the scene visually a little more. Chapter 50 on the other hand, needs more love, so that one will take me some time since it includes a section I've been going back and forth on how I want to do it. Hopefully that won't take me six months to figure out. (And really shouldn't. It's got Peony in it, for pete's sake, why should anything including him take very long?)

I appreciate you all so much, though. :) I write for myself, but knowing that you guys are reading and enjoying this story has its own kind of fuel in a way that not much else can offer in my lowest points. Your support means the world to me. I hope you all have an amazing start to 2025 and that it turns out to be such a good year for you. You guys ROCK!

~~Kat =^-^=