(as the title is shown the beginning of "One Hell of a Time" plays)
Cuphead ran as fast as he could down the corridor. He skidded around a corner and pressed himself against the wall. After he caught his breath, Cuphead peaked around the door frame and surveyed the surrounding area.
"Tag!" Mugman yelled as he tapped Cuphead on the shoulder.
"AAAAAHG" Cuphead screamed as he jumped so hard he hit his head on the ceiling. While Cuphead was dazed on the floor Mugman turned around and dived out the window.
"Oh, you're not getting away THAT easily!" Cuphead yelled as he got to his feet and got ready to pursue Mugman when he heard the doorbell ring.
"QUICK!" Cuphead yelled," Everybody in position!"
Mugman dived back through the window and Chalice jumped out of a cupboard she was hiding in. the trio rushed to the door, lined up and opened it."
"Back so soon dearest Kettle?" they all said with halos above their heads. They all stood there for a moment before looking at who had actually rung the doorbell.
"The devil?" they all said, "what are you doing here?"
The devil was standing in the doorway, slumped and with a forlorn look on his face.
"Look," the devil said, "I need your help."
"Why would we want to help you?!" Mugman exclaimed, "you've been trying to take Cuphead's soul for the past ten months and you tried to kill us less than a month ago!"
"I'll make a deal, any deal , just PLEASE HELP MEEE."
Cuphead's eyes lit up
"We'll do you a favour," he said, "if you give us an infinite jar of cookies."
"It's a deal!" the devil said excitedly, "i'll give you the jar of cookies when i get my pitchfork back."
Mugman, who had only just processed what was happening, turned to his brother
"CUPHEAD YOU WATER BRAINED NUMBSKULL!" he yelled, "you do realise that you could have asked for anything! Immortality, immense power, a million dollars, LITERALLY ANYTHING! And you chose cookies!"
"Oh, you're just getting worked up over nothing," Cuphead dismissed.
"What d'ya need help with anyway," Chalice asked
The devil held his breath and then quickly blurted out what happened
"Stickler's taken over hell, stolen my pitchfork and is defending hell with an army of demons."
"So not only have you been locked out of hell, but you've been usurped too." Cuphead said. Then the three cups burst into laughter.
"Yes, yes, how funny," the devil said sarcastically, " you've already made the deal so you have to help me."
"Ok fine," Mugman snapped, "now shoo. We have to strategize."
The devil begrudgingly walked out of the yard and lent against a tree. The three cups then huddled around and started bickering
"Cuphead, are you crazy?!" Chalice said, "you have no idea what the devil is planning, he might be trying to lead us into a trap!"
"Yea," Mugman agreed, "and even if he's telling the truth, how are we meant to combat an army of demons?"
Cuphead then leant over to Mugman and whispered to him.
"What about the finger, pew pew, thingy?" Cuphead whispered.
"I think it's best that we keep the peashooter talisman a secret for now."
"Ok!" Cuphead announced," everybody find a weapon."
As if to demonstrate, Cuphead walked over to the shed and grabbed an axe. He then swung the axe, as if attacking an invisible foe. He then hefted the axe over his shoulder and smiled
"HEY MUGSY!" Cuphead yelled "CAN I USE THIS!?"
"Sure cuphead," Mugman replied," and you don't have to shout, I can hear you just fine."
Then the head of Cuphead's axe fell off onto the floor.
"Aw, banana oil!" Cuphead exclaimed, "what am I going to use now."
Then he got an idea. He pulled his straw out of his head and wedged the head on the axe onto it.
"Tadaaa!" Cuphead said as he put his straw back in his head and shook it about
"What a couple of ding dongs!" Chalice giggled, "good thing i came prepared."
Chalice then pulled a large police baton out of here pocket
"I've witnessed these things first hand and boy oh boy do they smart." She said.
Suddenly, the three cups heard a scream. They turned and saw the devil, smouldering and cowering in a corner and Elder Kettle walking towards the trio. (if you were wondering Kettle used his piece of the magic sweater to zap the devil)
"What is the meaning of this?!" He shouted
"Cuphead's fault," both Chaliced and Mugman said, pointing at Cuphead.
"Seriously!" Cuphead said as he tried to straighten out his straw so the axe on the end could actually be used.
"Cuphead. What did you do?"
"Uuuuh," Cuphead thought, "I may have made a little deal with the devil to help him reclaim the throne of hell because he's been usurped."
"So you're telling me," Elder Kettle said, "that the devil has been mutinied out of hell and is asking for our help to reclaim his position."
Elder Kettle then began to laugh and the others joined in.
"SHUT UP!" the devil screamed, his voice booming across all of the inkwell isles.
"Relax, we're gonna help you," Cuphead said.
"Young man," Elder kettle said firmly, turning Cuphead to face him, "I have warned you about dealing with the devil. It's a bad idea. One of these days you could get hurt, or worse. Since the deed has already been done I'll help you but no more of this. Do you hear me!?"
"Yes Elder Kettle," Cuphead replied and then turned to Mugman, "hey Mugsy. What are you going to use as a weapon."
"I don't know." Mugman replied
"Oh! I know!" Elder Kettle exclaimed as he rushed into the house and came back out with a back full of something, "these are smoke bombs, i have a few left over from the war, hope they come in handy."
Elder Kettle handed the bag of smoke bombs to Mugman
"Thanks Elder Kettle," Mugman said, "but aren't you coming?"
"No Mugman, I won't be coming. I'm a retired soldier now. The only reason I came last time was because you were literally being mutilated and tortured in hell."
"Are you ready yet!" the devil yelled boredly, "Stickler's forces are amassing by the second."
"Coming!'' The three cups yelled and ran towards the devil but Elder Kettle garbled Mugman by the handle, pulled him back and whispered in his ear.
"I know Stickler's weakness," Elder Kettle whispered.
"I don't even know who Stickler is," Mugman whispered back.
"You'll find out soon enough. His weakness is that he has committed contract fraud. It mortifies him that he has broken the law. You might be able to use it to your advantage."
"Ok, thanks Elder Kettle," Mugman said waving goodbye to his guardian.
"What was that all about?" Cuphead asked.
"Nothing," Mugman replied.
Stickler sat proud atop his throne in hell. He had been planning this takeover for years. It did not physically break any laws as hell wasn't acknowledged in most (don't think about it too much). This made it fit into Stickler's morals.
Meanwhile, just round the corner King dice and Henchman were talking
"Any idea what happened to the boss," King dice asked.
"Stickler said that he had been kidnapped by Cuphead and his friends. He also said that they will be trying to invade hell soon, which is why he's heightened defences"
"Enter King Dice," Stickler commanded
King dice gingerly walked into the throne room and walked down the long corridor. The tapestries of the devil had been removed and in its place was a colossal list of rules and punishments that spanned the entire hall. Hanging from the ceiling were cages with worker demons inside. Each cage had a label of what the demon was punished for. They yelled and pleaded to be let go, reaching their arms out of the bars of the cage and screaming.
King Dice waved sheepishly at them and walked on.
"King dice," Stickler announced, "i appoint you head of defence. You will receive prior warning of where the cups will be coming them as fast as you can. You now may leave."
King dice stood up uncertainly and walked off.
"Your regiment is this way," Henchman said as he guided Dice through various caverns and tunnels. Soon the tunnel opened up into a large chamber, filled with demons. Henchman handed a WW1 Hat to Dice with the words "Commander" written across it in messy ink.
King dice looked up and surveyed the demonic regiment.
"Where are you boss?" he said.
"Rock, Paper, Scissors ,Shoot!"
The devil and Cuphead were having a rematch of Rock-Paper-Scissors but they both kept drawing.
"Uhhg," the devil complained, "stop copying me!"
"I can't copy you," Cuphead replied, "this is rock paper scissors."
"The odds of winning are 49-49," Mugman said, "the other two percent being that you just keep drawing and eventually give up."
"So how are we going to enter hell anyway," Chalice asked.
"Well, I don't have my pitchfork so we can't teleport, You're too big to fit down the soul tubes, the stairway entrance to hell has been blocked up and I've lost my magic chalk."
After hearing this Mugman turned to Cuphead
"Cuphead, do you still have that magic chalk you used to save me?"
"No, I thought I gave it to you," Cuphead relayed.
"No you didn't," Mugman said
"Well I guess it's lost then," Cuphead said.
"What about those stairs off hell, did you try just busting down the blockage," Chalice suggested
"Well of course i..." the devil then realised that he in fact didn't try to bust the blockage and face palmed.
"Well here are the stairs of hell," the devil said gesturing to the boarded up stairway.
Cuphead walked up to the boarded up entrance and did a sort of half-head-butt so that the axe on the end of his straw swung forward and smashed a large hole in the barricade.
"Last one down's a leaky cup" Cuphead yelled and ran down the stars as fast as he could.
"By all the spirits in hell, I won't be bested by this cup again," the devil said as he started to run down the stairway too.
"CUPHEAD GET BACK HERE!" Mugamn yelled, "you do realise that there is an army of demons waiting at the bottom of those stairs!"
Mugman and Chalice started to run after the duo but Mugman was accidentally tripped up by Chalice and the two tumbled down the stairs. As they rolled down the stairs they quickly caught up to the devil and cuphead and they were absorbed into the mess of limbs.
"Commander dice," a demon reported, "we have received information that the invaders are coming down the stairs of hell at a blistering speed."
"Ok," Dice relayed, "move the artillery regiment to the base of the stairs."
Once the artillery regiment arrived, king dice saw how pathetic it was. There was only one modern (modern in the 1930s) machine gun, which had a busted tripod and the rest of the firepower was to come from old gatling guns, revolvers that had been taped to some spare tripods and even a few maritime cannons.
"Is this... it?" Dice asked
"Yup," the demon replied, "most of it was robbed from antique shops. Hell wasn't meant for war."
"Well, no matter," Dice said, "I'll just use my lucky revolver."
King Dice then pulled a decorated brass revolver that was covered in loopy patterns.
"While I worked in the casino, I've never lost a russian roulette with this baby. It hasn't failed me yet."
"Incoming!" a demon yelled and dice heard a muffled rumbling and yelling from above. He loaded his revolver and readied himself to shoot
"Devil, why've you got to have such sharp horns and claws," Cuphead yelled
"Says the person with an axe wedged on their head," Chalice complained
"You're not one to speak either. That stupid club of yours hurts more than you let on!" Mugman shouted
The devil said nothing as he was being continually electrocuted by the sweater rings that the cups were wearing
The tumbling mass of limbs was reaching the bottom of the stairs and king dice readied his gun
!BANG! !BANG! !BANG!
The first bullet just barely missed Cuphead, leaving a small rip in the sleeve of his shirt, the second ricocheted off Cuphead's axe and the final one penetrated Mugman's bag of smoke bombs, causing one to explode into an opaque cloud.
King dice stood up straight, twiddled his gun round his ringer and placed it back in his holster. The smoke from the smoke bomb slowly cleared and dice was able to see what he was really shooting at.
"Boss!?" he said
"Dice?!" the devil replied
"What are you doing here," they both said simultaneously.
King dice walked over to the devil and pulled him to his feet
"What the me is going on down here?!" the devil asked and he looked at the demons who were trying to look like they weren't just trying to shoot him.
"Stickler said that those cups kidnaped you," King dice said gesturing to the trio of cups that were still catching their breath, "he then told us to heighten all of this security because the cups were going to invade."
"WHAT?!" the devil screamed, "well what actually happened was: i left to try and attack the cups, i was locked out of hell and forced to live in the mortal world, i sneak down here through a soul tube and see that Stickler ,of all people, has stolen my throne and pitchfork and then i have to hire these cups to help me regain my status as king of hell."
"So you're going to fight stickler and get back what he stole."
"Of course i will I'M THE DEVIL! I'm not just going to sit here and have to live in the mortal world."
"Good for you. Well I have some admin stuff to do as the new commander of the legions of hell. Have fun fighting your big powerful scary dictator."
King dice then promptly skedaddled and ran off down a random hell tunnel.
"What are we going to do about the other demons," Mugman asked, " the only reason we're not pottery shards right now is because Dice was unlucky. Also, since when was King dice in hell, i thought you just hired him for that dance battle gig."
The devil just ignored mugman's second question and answered the first.
"Thing is, I never actually trained any of my demons, most of them are just accountants or chefs."
"Hmm," Mugman said, "that gives me an idea..."
The legion of demons was positioned in one of the larger caverns of hell. Since their commander had mysteriously disappeared, there less so ranks as there was just a wad of soldiers.
"FEE FIE FO FUM, I AM THE MOSTRUS MUGMAN THE MUTILATER."
All of the demons looked up to see a massive looming shadow of a 20 foot tall cup. The demons quivered in their boots but stood their ground
"I-is that the c-c-cup that bested our boss?" one demon said
"The one that defeated our finest demons." another added
"a-a-a-nd now, he's here for us!"
Then another shadow appeared on the wall next to Mugman the Mutilator's
"TREMBLE," the new form said, "FOR I : CHALICE ALMIGHTY HAVE COME TO DESTROY YOU!"
The demons started to slowly back away. Suddenly another form sprang into view.
"FLEE, PUNY DEMONS. FOR I AM CUPHEAD THE...hmmm, Cuphead the, uhhhg..."
Mugman The Mutilater leaned over and whispered in Cuphead The something's ear.
"FOR I AM CUPHEAD THE CRAP"
At this all of the demons turned and ran out of the cavern.
"Never even went on stage," Mugman said, "just glad my backstage fright didn't kick in."
"Thanks for the name Mugman," Cuphead said, "how'd you come up with it and what does it mean."
"Just thought it fit your personality," Mugman said as Chalice snickered.
Soon the group arrived at the far end of the throne room.
"This decor is disgraceful," the devil complained, "the colours don't match at all and all of those rules are too small to read from down here."
The gang slowly walked up the long hall towards the throne where Stickler was sat.
"Are you the challenger to my throne," Stickler said
"What do you mean YOUR THRONE !? that's MY throne you're sitting on!"
"Doubtful," Stickler said, "as it says in chapter 8 section 4, subsection G: if the current king of hell is indisposed for an extended period of time, the first auditor may take their place as king of hell."
"WHAT?!" the devil yelled, "i never instated that rule."
"No you didn't," Stickler said, "I did. I did it along with other rules that were necessary for me to add, such as: in office hygiene and the removal of mandatory dance time."
"So it was you who removed my dance time!" the devil yelled back.
"Yes," Stickler said back.
"This is boring," Cuphead said, "CHARGE!"
The rag tag mutineers ran at Stickler But he was ready. Stickler shot a blast of fire from the tip of the pitchfork that hit Mugman directly in the chest.
"MUGMAN!" CUphead cried and rushed over to his brother but when the smoke cleared Mugman was still standing, completely unharmed aside from some crackling blued electricity crackling around his body.
"The magical sweater," Mugman said with glee, "it counters the pitchfork."
Instilled with the thought that their endeavour might actually be possible, Mugman pulled a smoke bomb out of his bag and threw it at Stickler
A cloud of thick smoke filled the area. Both Chalice and Cuphead pounced on the place Stickler was sat but he had disappeared. The two landed in a heap on the throne. Cuphead quickly jumped up and looked around.
As the fog slowly settled Cuphead saw Stickler calmly standing on the other side of the room.
"I see that my choice of weapon is not as effective as it thought it would be," Sticker said in his usual monotone voice.
The devil walked up to the throne and sat himself on it.
"Ahhhh," he sighed, "it's good to be back again."
Stickler shot another burst of flame, this time at the devil but Chalice just reached up her hand and smacked the fireball causing it to disappear in a flash of electricity.
"Congratulations," Stickler said, "you have reclaimed your throne."
"Yes, yes, i'm the best aren't i," the devil said, "now give me back my pitchfork."
"No," Stickler said
"Well, we'll see about that!" the devil yelled as he got up and threw his spoon at Stickler like a javelin. Stickler simply slammed the pitchfork into the ground and teleported a few metres to the right. The spoon just got wedged in the rock floor.
"WHAT!," the devil screamed, "but teleporting with the pitchfork takes a thousand years to master!"
"998 years 361 days and 4 hours to be exact," Stickler said, "i have worked for you for milenia, and during that time period every time you have left your pitchfork unattended, I have taken that time to practise various skills. And don't forget about the ancient rule of pitchfork ownership."
"Uuuugh," the devil groaned, "finder's keepers, losers weepers. You know I am really coming to hate that phrase."
"You have to make a deal," Stickler said ,"so what will it be?"
The devil groaned again
"Ok fiiiinee," the devil groaned," you'll be able to keep your job as auditor. Is that good enough?"
"No," Stickler replied
"Oh." Mugman said, "I know how to make this fool give in."
Mugman walked up to Stickler and whispered in his ear
"If you give him the pitchfork, I won't tell everyone I know that you have committed contract fraud."
Stickler's pupils shrunk and Mugman stepped back with a smirk on his face.
"Very well," Stickler said, "I will give you back your pitchfork in those conditions."
"It's a deal," the devil said
Stickler tossed the devil his pitchfork. As soon as he got his pitchfork he slammed it against the floor. A small wave of fire started to expand out from the impact point. As the waves expanded they reverted the room to its usual decor, incinerating the rules, punishments and demons hanging from the ceiling.
"I will now leave to perform my duties as auditor." Sticker said and left the room
"Hey devil," Cuphead said, "time for your end of the deal."
"Oh yes," the devil said and conjured up a jar of cookies with his pitchfork.
"Yay!" the trio of cups said as they all started grabbing cookies and eating them.
"Off you go now," the devil said, shooing the cups away, "the helivator (like Hell and elevator) is on the far end of this room."
As the three cups walked down the long hallway something caught Mugman's eye.
"Cuphead look," he said, "the soul vault."
The soul vault had gotten a bit of an upgrade, it was now larger that before and the soul counter was on the side of it.
"2359871 Souls!" Mugman exclaimed, "that's a lot of people whose souls have been taken."
"Well it's not our problem," Cuphead said
"Cuphead!" Mugman said, "how could you be so heartless. We can't just leave all of these people."
"Uhhhg, fine!" Cuphead said, "but we're gonna have to leg it out'a here because the devil ain't gonna be too happy about this."
"Got it," both Mugman and Chalice said
Cuphead lent his head back and then jerked it forward sharply, using his axe straw to create a large hole in the side of the vault.
The trio tuned and ran for the elevator at top speed. They crammed themselves inside the elevator, closed the door and disappeared in a column of flame.
"Ahhhhhh," the devil sighed, lounging on his throne, "it's good to be back. I have my throne, my pitchfork, my soul collection an... MY SOUL COLLECTION!"
Thee devil rushed over to his vault and tried to plug up the hole with his hands but all of the souls had already escaped
"Yaaaay," said the telephone's soul as it floated up and out of hell.
"Nooooooo," the devil groned, "just when I thought those blasted cups weren't so bad and then they backstab me like this. UNEXEPTABLE! I'll bide my time but mark my words. I will get that cup."
King dice was verry much lost. He wandered the winding pasages of hell for hours to no avail
"BOSS! HENCHAMN! ANYONE!" he screamed but none answered
"I realy should issue maps of this place"
The camera does an "iris out" focusing on King Dice's face
(sorry if you wanted a big dramatic battle in hell. There'll be one in Chapter 12 I swear)