Vipers, Nights, and French Fries

by ThisIsARealAccount

The war for Humanity's autonomy is over, the alien despots of Advent have been overthrown by Xcom and a new age is on the horizon. However, world changing events do not occur without a price. Power vacuums were created in Advent's absence, their alien pawns, once completely under control, now have found their own autonomy. a young man, from humble beginnings, can NOT fix this.

10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I felt a strange kinship with my hotdog as I watched orange flames engulf it, its pinkish skin browning from the bonfire's heat, as dark ambient metal riffs radiated from the wireless speaker nearby.

Tay and I chose to stand on the opposite side of the fire pit from Thorn. The flames were big enough that she was mostly blocked from view, but occasionally the fire's mindless, flicking tendrils would move to give me a glimpse of her bald pink head, something not too dissimilar in color and shape to an uncooked sausage.

Everyone around the fire was laughing and talking with each other, having a great time...

I watched Thorn closely. She seemed to be acting like her usual self. How can she just stand there and pretend nothing happened? I can't even feel her emotions right now. Is the fire or all these people blocking them?

My grip tightened around my skewer. The more I thought about how fucked up it was that Thorn could distress Tay this much and act like everything was fine, the angrier I got.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. "Uh, dipshit, your hotdog is burning." Tay's voice was weary.

"Huh?" Its skin was already blackened and only getting closer to looking like charcoal the longer I left it in. I pulled it out and shrugged. "Eh, I like 'em crispy anyway."

She half-blinked her scaly eyelids in disbelief. "That's a little more than crispy. But, you do you."

She went back to staring at the fire silently, retreating into herself.

As I started cooking my second hotdog, I wondered what the hell I was gonna say to Thorn.

She always seemed so - level-headed. How could she do this? Has she been pulling my strings this whole time? Maybe she doesn't even like me... maybe she never did! I don't know whether to be mad for how she's made Tay feel or for what she's done to me! I've gotta keep my cool and find the right time to confront her. I can't let her get away with this…

Tay and I pulled our hotdogs out of the hungry flames and stuck them in buns, dressing them up with the various condiments people brought. Once everyone got their toppings, Tay and I sat at the table by ourselves.

Tay swallowed hers in one go like usual, while I savored mine. Neither of us said anything, instead, we stared at the floor for a while. Tay's tail tip had slithered over and laid over my foot at some point when I wasn't paying attention.

I couldn't help but smile. This maneuver had to be intentional. We'd held hands in the past, we could be holding hands now, but maybe putting part of her tail on my foot was the most inconspicuous way we could "hold hands".

Despite the gesture, Tay seemed to be in her own little world, paying neither me nor the party any mind. I can't understand why, shouldn't she be mad at me? Is she thinking about me?

I've seen her get angry easily, but I've never seen her fight anyone. Thorn might've gotten her way because they've been friends for so long. Maybe she just does whatever Thorn says? She did tell me she usually lets Thorn do all the talking at parties... I have to stand up for her! I did it at McDougalls, I can do it here.

My eyes drifted over to Thorn. The two groups had finally merged into a big one by the fire. She seemed to be talking to Thilbert, the tall alien guy in a suit, a lot. Our eyes met, no doubt she could feel my anger. I watched her and waited. Eventually, she separated from the group and stood by a pile of junk. By now I knew better than to assume she didn't do this on purpose. She had moved so we could have an opportunity to talk away from everyone else.

As I stood up, I felt Tay's tail coil around my ankle, her eyes sharpened by anger.

I didn't know what to say, so I just gave her a reassuring smile.

She nodded and gave my ankle a quick squeeze before letting me go.

Empowered by Tay's approval, I walked up to her. I was steadfast in confronting her, but my emotions shifted and morphed. I was still mad, but I was curious as to why. I felt a tingle of anxiety from both of us stirring in the air as I got closer.

She had leaned up against a rusty car and was nervously sucking down a cigarette. Her typical bubbly attitude was nowhere to be found in this dark corner of the junkyard. In its place was a storm of mixed emotions that rolled over me like violent ocean waves. She smiled at my approach. It felt fake, more like a courtesy towards me than anything.

My eyes were drawn towards the orange glow of her cigarette. "I didn't know you smoked."

She chuckled weakly. "Only on s-special occasions. They help the human part of me relax."

"Human par—"

She cut me off intentionally to move past my question. "Enjoy your hotdogs? Get enough to eat?"

I'll ask about that another time. I nodded and took a deep breath. "Yea, but you already know why I'm here, and it's not to talk about the hotdogs."

She sighed. "I do… I had planned for this to work out better than it did, but I am not perfect. I apologise for the distress this has put you under."

I balled my hands into fists. I feel like I'm getting apologized to by a lawyer. I couldn't bear to look at her. "Was any of what we did real? Did you ever even care about me?"

My sadness welled up inside as Thorn's own slapped me across the face. Her eyes widened, my question was a surprise, her voice caught in her throat. "O-oh, Vince... Of course I cared about you, I still do." She glanced down at the ground. "I see now there never would've been a good time to discuss this, better things worked out this way..."

My impatience reared its head. "Stop - stalling. What did you do to me? To Tay?!"

She flicked the butt of her cigarette, it sent out a few sparks as it hit the dirt."I, eh, scouted you out, observed you. That was the primary purpose of our outings, but it wasn't the only reason; I still had fun with you." I crossed my arms and Thorn's face scrunched up. "You shouldn't feel like it was a waste of your time. We are compatible, but… I get along with everyone. Tay… she does not get along with many folks."

"So what, you thought that was a good reason to manipulate me into liking Tay?" I couldn't hide the anger in my voice, not that it would've mattered.

She held out her hands and shook them. "No, noo. It wasn't anything like that. I never forced either of you to do anything. O-one might say I played the part of an invisible wingman for Tay. I saw your compatibility, I thought you could help her." Her eyes pleaded with me. "She needed a friend that wasn't me."

I suddenly remembered our conversation at the coffee shop, and what we talked about when she came over to watch anime. The pieces came together. This whole time Tay was the roommate she talked about every time we hung out. The words I said to her with Cowboy Bebop in the backdrop came back to me. Whoever your friend is, she's lucky to have you watching out for her.

Some of my anger dissipated. "What's wrong with being your friend?" Aside from the whole being manipulated into hooking up with someone aspect!

She gestured to the air. "I'm too easy to get along with. I, well, I'm not like normal folk, I'm an empath. I can instantly know what's wrong with someone, I can always empathize with them. Me being her only close friend, it's stunting her growth. She won't ever self-actualize if she's completely reliant on me."

Tay's not the best at making friends… Maybe she has a point? "So, what exactly did you do to Tay?"

"The same things I did to you. I tried to convince her to be nice to the coworker that she hated because she didn't understand what he was going through." She forced a smile.

"I remember you telling me that."

"I did other things too, like pretending to be sick the night before that concert."

My brow furrowed. "You told her to ask me out?"

"No, that was all her, but I may have lied and said I couldn't get a refund for my ticket." She sighed. "Despite what you might assume, I didn't manipulate either of you. I didn't use mind control on you, I just… hid information and gave you both nudges in the right direction."

This still feels wrong. I pointed at her, and cut my hand through the air. "You shouldn't have done that! We both feel like we were lied to." Tay might be questioning our whole friendship and how she feels about me because of this!

Her head sagged for a moment. "I know. It was selfish of me. You have to understand I… she was so sad. You two might've become close without my help… and I couldn't allow a repeat of last time."

I raised an eyebrow. "What? Last time?"

She paused for a moment. I felt her uncertainty creeping into my skin."Tay had a previous relationship. I'm not gonna give details, it's not my place; I'm only bringing this up to explain myself."

Tay dated another dude before me? Or maybe it was a viper? "Aight, so what happened?"

She clasped her hands together. "Their relationship was good at first. When they started dating I read him. I saw he wasn't a great person, I knew his intentions, but Tay was so happy. There was a possibility she could've changed him…" Her black eyes glistened at the edges. "I couldn't take that away from her. Nothing else had ever made her feel that happy, so I sat idly by and let things play out between them, hoping things would work out. It didn't end well…" She blinked away her tears. "That's why I stepped in this time. There was already something between you two and I had to know if you were a decent person. I couldn't let that happen again, I'd never forgive myself."

The rusted gears in my head started cranking. "And you felt like you could redeem yourself if things went right between me and Tay? So you encouraged us to be friends?"

She nodded. "That too… I'm so sorry, I knew what I was doing was tearing you up inside. I tried to make you feel better when I could. You shouldn't feel bad about this, it was my doing."

"I don't feel bad about this." That was pointless, we both knew the truth.

A smile crept up on her face. "Your anger is subsiding. You don't have to forgive me. I don't expect Tay to forgive me for this either. I knew this day was coming, that I'd have to face all these negative emotions. I accepted the consequences a long time ago. My only goal was to help Tay. She deserves to be happy, don't you agree?"

I stuck my hands in my coat pockets. "I mean, I want her to be happy. I don't know if anyone… What does this have to do with you being selfish? This is like the opposite of selfish."

She sighed. "Her negative and positive emotions—when we live in such close proximity her feelings may as well be mine. I can't turn my psionic senses off. That's why I said that before. I couldn't just sit around while she rotted away and dragged me down with her. I had to do something."

I grabbed my head. "Man, why does this have to be so complicated? I don't know whether to be angry or feel bad for you."

"Nothing is ever so simple…" Thorn tentatively reached her hands towards me, when I didn't react, she patted my shoulders. "Don't worry about me, Vince. I'll be fine. Tay is the one who needs you right now. She needs a friend to talk to. Go to her."

I chuckled dryly. "This is a part of your plan too, isn't it?"

I felt a spike of shock fly out from her. "You're thinking too much about this. Let's call this outcome a happy accident."

She had tried to downplay my comment, but she was genuinely surprised by it. My brow furrowed slightly and my eyes lingered on her face. What I said was half-joke half-accusation. Her reaction gave me my answer.

As I walked back to Tay I wondered how deep Thorn's machinations went, and a thought came to mind.

I don't really know how much I can trust her after this. I should consider it a blessing I didn't end up dating her. Who knows what she would've cooked up for me.

0-

Tay was stirred from her thoughts when I plopped down on the picnic table next to her.

She examined me with a thoughtful gaze and returned to looking at the fire.

I chuckled. "This is kinda a fucked up situation isn't it."

Tay nodded. "Yyyyup."

We stared in silence, listening to the music and watching the crackling bonfire.

It took me some time to build up the courage, but I'd never be able to sleep if I didn't get an answer out of her. "I have to know… this thing between us. Is it over now?"

She snorted. "Thing?"

The look of disbelief on her face made me laugh. "Yea, you know a thing, just like that thing we went to together and saw those bands."

She rolled her eyes, but couldn't hide the smirk that formed. "We're still friends… You'll just have to find a way to make it up to me."

"Oh, so I've gotta make it up to you? Now I owe you twice?"

She crossed her arms. "You're gonna owe me three times if you kee—" Her voice caught in her throat and she looked away. "I still like you, no matter what she did. Eugh, it just pisses me off."

"Why?"

Her head jerked to face me. Her eyes were alight with fury. "You like having people make decisions for you?"

I thought of the fast food job I was forced into. "Hell no."

Her brow furrowed. "Exactly. When she admitted she manipulated us into playing nice, it made me feel like that decision wasn't mine. She stole that from me. When people make decisions like that for me, whatever their intentions, it takes away my autonomy." She clenched her jaw. "Every - single - time - it fucking happens…" Her voice was barely a whisper. "It reminds me of what my shit life under Advent was like. I wonder why they even bothered destroying the mind control network sometimes…"

Autonomy? I haven't heard her mention anything about what it was like under Advent, until now, but it's not the time to ask her about that. "Shit. I'm sorry."

She took a deep breath and tried to bury her emotions. "I'll be fine. It's just gonna take time to cool off."

I patted her on the shoulder, squeezing the fabric of her hoodie between my fingers. "I'm here if you ever need to talk about it."

Her expression changed. "Do you think we would've become friends without her?"

That's a tough question, but I know she needs to hear me say yes. "Of course." I thought about it. "I mean it was Mark that forced us to stop fighting and I was trying to be nice to you at first. Might've been friends a whole lot sooner if you hadn't tried to fight me the whole way." I said with a chuckle.

A smirk formed on her face as she leaned back. "Yeah, that's true."

My jaw practically dropped to the floor. "Wait… Did you just admit you started it?"

She undulated her neck. "What, you think I'm ashamed of it? I did start it. Wasn't about to take you being nice to me sitting down."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "Seems you're taking it just fine now." Tay added the sounds of her laughter to mine.

When our laughter waned, so did our conversation. We just stayed in our spot and silently watched everyone else enjoy the party.

It was strange sitting next to her like this for so long. Sure we'd been in close proximity at work before, but we'd never just sat outside like this. The glow from the fire made her scales appear to be a warm orange, the cold starry sky behind her contrasting from it in a beautiful way. I couldn't stop myself from glancing over at her. Occasionally, our eyes would meet, and we would look away from each other.

Eventually, people stopped throwing wood on the fire, and it slowly began to die down.

Flynn the hybrid was the first to leave. He waved goodbye to everyone. Nathan and Bethany left in a hurry without a word. Tay became more and more uncomfortable every time someone left.

When the fire was half dead she turned to me, desperation written all over her face. "Hey, I know this is short notice, but can I stay the night at your place?"

Holy shit, a GIRL staying at MY HOUSE?! "Uhhhh…"

"Please?" Her eyes pleaded with me. "I need space from Thorn. I just can't be in the same apartment as her right now."

This has really fucked with her. I mean it bothered me, but it's on another level with her. "I… Yea, sure. I've got extra blankets and stufff—"

She wrapped me in a snug hug before I could react. "Thank you." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"ffff…" I melted in her arms. Am I ever gonna get used to this?

I tried to pull away, but her grip tightened. Her claws dug into my coat, but not painfully so. Her breath caught near my ear in surprise. It was clear she wasn't ready to let go. It made me realize I wasn't ready to either, so I relaxed, enjoying the coziness of it. A welcome respite from the cold air that had only gotten colder as the night went on. She did eventually let go, but I couldn't tell how long it had been.

"We should probably get going now. Party's over." Tay said, gesturing to the half empty junkyard.

"Yea, not much reason to stay, huh."

She cupped her hand around her mouth and whispered. "We need to slip out of here before Thorn sees us leaving."

"Oh shit, so we're sneaking out like spies." I pointed a finger gun in the air and held it close to my face.

She rolled her eyes. "No, just don't tell everyone we're leaving."

We did as Tay said. We checked out everyone who was still around to make sure they were busy, and when we had an opening we slipped out.

I burst out laughing once we were far enough away from the junkyard. "I can't believe that actually worked."

Tay laughed with me. "Yeah, no one saw us leave."

As we made our way to my house, I noticed Tay's slither pattern was off.

I pointed at her snake body and continued to laugh. "It's a good thing you're not driving."

Her hood splayed wide. "What?! I can't drive anyway."

"You're all over the place."

She looked down at the ground and laughed. "Doesn't matter much when you don't have feet. I couldn't fall over if I tried."

Sure enough, we made it all the way to my house without her falling over. After I ascended the two stops to my door, Tay pressed up against my back.

"Hurry up, dipshit. It's freezing out and I need to curl up somewhere warm."

As I felt her substantial bosom squish against my back, I was once again reminded that I had agreed to let a girl stay the night at my house.

Pins and needles ran up my back, spreading out from where her boobs touched me. I was both terrified and excited. What if she tries to kiss me?! What if we make out?! What if we… no she wouldn't want to do 'that', would she?

Tay draped her head over my shoulder. "Cooooome oooon! How long does it take to turn a damn key?!"

"Sorry, my fingers are cold." I lied, as I finally inserted the key.

As soon as the door opened, she practically plowed over me and shot inside to the couch.

"Shit. You weren't kidding, huh?" I said before closing the door behind me.

Tay had found a blanket and futilely tried to coil her body tight enough to cover it. It practically levitated off of her as she chattered.

"I didn't realize how close to becoming a snake-cicle you were."

"Shut up." She said, tucking her head to her shoulders. "Fuck. It's cold in here too. Do you even run your damn furnace?!"

"Huh, 'waddya mean? It's like 65 degrees in here. It's not even that cold."

She groaned. "Eugh, mammal. Try to get it through that stupid warm brain of yours that not everyone is as good at making body heat."

"Alright, alright. I don't want to have to scrape your frozen ass off my couch, so how warm do you keep it at your place?"

"75." She was dead serious.

"Seventy— Holy shit! You trying to boil us?"

"What, you're not gonna make your guest comfy? You some kind of asshole, dipshit?"

I pointed my finger right in her face. "Don't you get snippy with me. Maybe if you say please I'll do it."

She crossed her arms and looked away. "Nope, not happening. I'll freeze to death first."

I chuckled. "Death before dishonor, huh? I think I've played a game named that."

She lifted her snake-like nose to the ceiling. "Mmmh!"

I relented. "Aight, fine. But only for tonight, and only because you're my guest."

As I walked over to the thermostat and turned it up, she started talking. "Do you have any space heaters or heated blankets?"

I raised my eyebrows at her. "Bruh… Maybe you should just sleep in the oven or the air fryer at this point."

She raised an eyebrow. "You own an air fryer?"

I crossed my arms. "Yea, why?"

The side of her mouth curved into a smirk. "You just don't look the type."

I matched her smirk. "Well you live in an apartment, you broke ass bitch. So, clearly, you don't own one."

That wiped her smirk away real quick. "You're a dick."

That might've been a little harsh. I chuckled. "Ay, come onnn. I turned up the thermostat and I didn't even make you say please. Doesn't that make me not completely a dick?"

She sighed. "I guesssss."

"Great, now scooch over a little. I wanna sit on the couch too."

She shifted her body over slightly to give me just enough room to sit on the couch.

A contented sigh escaped me as I plopped down. Sitting on a hard bench all night made my ass sore.

Tay had a cheeky look on her face and before I could react she had looped part of her body over my lap.

My whole body tensed up and my hand shot into the air. It felt like several bags of ice were pushed onto me. "J-jeez! You are cold. You feel like a reverse heat blanket."

Fire began flowing through my veins and I felt an all too familiar pleasant tingle in my brain. The weight on my lap… I've never felt a girl touch me like this before. She was practically sitting on me!

NO, NOOOOO! PLEASE not now! I lamented in anguish and embarrassment. There was nothing I could do as my burning blood flowed to an inconvenient place.

I went into damage control mode while my body raised the main mast.

She shifted her body on my lap, it glided over my pants effortlessly. The bottom of her snakelike body was practically frictionless despite how heavy it was. "And you're pretty warm." She fluttered her bifurcated tongue at me. "Almost makes up for not having a heated blanket."

I wasn't sure if I was sweating because the furnace had kicked on or because of all this. "Hahaha, yea…"

Her body shifted again, I had an opening. With blinding speed, I tucked my johnson into my waistband and prayed she didn't see anything.

"What are you doing?" She had squinted her eyes and looked confused.

FUCK! I'm steering this ship straight into the rocks! "Uhhhhhh… Nothing!" Gotta make her think about something else. "You wanna watch something?"

She glanced at the TV for a second and shrugged.

I tried to force myself to relax and kept my arms at my sides, despite how tempting it was to touch Tay.

With every little shift of her tail, the tip of 'lil Vince was working his way out of my jeans and into my shirt. God, this is so embarrassing!

Despite this shame, a part of me was titillated by the thought of her seeing it; her tail brushing against it, skin to scales; or her knowing what was happening. Maybe she'd… maybe we could… NO! We can't, I shouldn't think about this. She probably wouldn't even want to, I don't look like a viper in the slightest.

Tay seemed aloof, she was oblivious to what was running through my mind. All too happy to enjoy all the heat my body was putting off and hiding under the blanket as much as she could.

Does she think I'm sexy? I've never asked her, but I don't think that's something you can ask. Does she even think I'm cute?

"Hey?"

The fair serpent's voice stirred me from my thoughts. "Yea?"

"How big is your bed?" Her eyes darted to the side.

"Uhh, a queen I think."

I could've sworn I heard her mumble, "ooo that'll work," before she said, "That's pretty big."

I nodded. "Yea, it's big enough. Why, what do you sleep on?"

"Something similar, but my mattress is on the floor because…" She wiggled her body a little for emphasis.

"Because you're long?"

She groaned. "No dipshit. Because I weigh like fucking 500 pounds."

Sounds about right, that part of her tail was pretty heavy. "Ah, that's pretty smart. I built my bed frame so it can support a lot of weight, but it also means I can't really move it." I laughed.

Tay chortled along with me. "Well, it's getting pretty late and we have work tomorrow…"

A vein of fear pulsed in my brain. "Oh shit, you're right! Yea, we should probably go to bed. Let me up for a sec."

She slid her body off and a sense of relief washed over me. Not that I didn't enjoy her parking her thick snake body on my lap, it was just hard to keep it together.

She watched my movements closely, as I pulled some pillows and blankets out of the closet.

She was dumbfounded. "You had more blankets?"

"Well, yea, I—" I could tell she thought I was an idiot for not getting them right away. "You can't give me any shit, you're the one who locked me down on the couch."

She crossed her arms. "I would've let you up if you had told me about the blankets."

"Hey, what's important is that you'll have them now," I said, handing her some old pillows.

I threw various blankets over her that I had gotten from my parents over the years. The soft fabrics were adorned with sports teams that didn't exist anymore, animals, and one that had Elvis on it. Her tail didn't fit completely on the cushions, she had looped half of her body at the armrest, effectively folding herself in half.

As I looked down at the themeless collage that covered Tay, I couldn't help but notice a surprising hint of disappointment in her eyes. "That should keep you pretty warm."

Her eyes became slits. "Not as warm as I could be…"

I scratched my head. "Sorry I don't got a space heater. I'd let you use it if I did."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not talking about a space heater. Might be a lot warmer in your bed."

Ice ran up my legs, through my groin, and up my spine. "Ha! Uhh, that's… that's a good one. I think all those beers you chugged might be getting to you." It felt like an entire Italian restaurant's worth of spaghetti just fell out of my pockets.

She shook her head. "Nuh uh. I'm fine."

I smirked. "Uh huh. Anything else you want before I go to bed?"

She slunk down into her blankets with a sigh. "No."

She looked cozy. I leaned down to give her a hug, but she didn't hug me back. A thought crossed my mind. Should I kiss her on the cheek? Like she did to me. Uhh, maybe now's not the time.

I pulled away from her. "Night."

She mumbled back, "Goodnight."

I sped off into my room and shut the door behind me. Holy shit! HOLY SHIT! She asked to sleep in my bed, probably meant WITH me! Why did I say no?! GOD, I'm so pathetic! I already know she likes me.

My hand was still on the doorknob... I could change my mind, go back to her and say yes. All I have to do is turn the knob. It would be so easy...

No matter what I thought, I couldn't bring myself to open the door. My arm refused to turn. I sighed and crawled into bed, exhaustion weighed down on me. And I gotta work tomorrow, this sucks.

I tried to go to sleep, but I just couldn't, I couldn't shake what Tay had said to me.

'Is' she drunk? Does she actually want that? Was it really a joke? It has to be a joke. Why would she want to sleep with me after finding out about Thorn's manipulation? I mean, she said she still likes me, and I still like her. So what's my fucking problem!

My eyes felt wet. I'm so fucking pathetic…

Jeanne-Monette, my shining beacon in the darkness, was looking back at me. You're always here for me when I need it, aren't you?

I reached over and pulled her close. "Will I ever change?" I whispered to her. There was no answer.

As I drifted off to sleep I imagined myself cuddling not with the spunky brown serpent from Space Banditz like usual, but instead with Tay, the girl sleeping just 20 feet away from me. From where I was, it might as well have been 20 miles.

0-

I woke up in the early afternoon to my alarm and the smell of scrambled eggs. I was shocked when I walked out into the living room and saw Tay cooking something on my stove. She was still wearing the same black hoodie from the party.

She chortled at my surprise. "Morning. You forget about last night already?"

I shrugged. "Kinda. Did you sleep good?"

She shrugged, "Good enough."

I walked over to my freezer and scoffed when I saw the scrambled eggs up close. "Who said you could eat my eggs?"

She scoffed right back as I checked the freezer. "Hey, asshole, who said they were for me."

I slammed the freezer door shut. "There is no way in hell you're making me breakfast right now."

She slapped my calf with her tail. "Why don't you sit down at the table and find out if I'm lying."

"Aight, bet." I sat at the table and watched her cook. She scraped at the edges of the pan with a spatula, moving her hips side to side as she adjusted. Me staring there might've been weird if she had an ass.

Is this what having a girlfriend is like? I didn't ask her to do this. Even if she does have a plan this is nice. I could get used to this...

She finished quickly. With a few scoops of the spatula, she piled all the eggs on a plate and set it in front of me.

I cautiously reached for the fork she'd set on the table and scooped some up.

They smell good and look pretty normal. Maybe no rat poison.

She watched me intently as I raised the eggs to my mouth. She looked annoyed when I stopped just short of it.

"What do you want?" I asked with a sigh.

She feigned shock. "Whatever do you mean?"

I dropped the fork on the plate. "C'mon, you think I'm stupid? There's no way you made food for me and nothing for yourself out of the goodness of your heart"

She snickered. "Well, I never said I didn't eat."

"So you did eat my eggs!"

"Not the ones you saw me cooking!"

"You got me there. I guess it's cool. But seriously, what do you want?"

She rolled her eyes. "Fiiiiine. Remember how we work today?"

"Yea."

"Well, guess who doesn't have her uniform."

"Oh shit. You don't gotta make me eggs for that. I already assumed you wanted me to drop you off."

She sighed and leaned back on the counter. "That's the thing… I don't want to go home right now, I'm still mad at that pink bitch. So, I was hoping I could convince you to go to my apartment and grab my uniform." Her voice got quieter. "And maybe another change of clothes."

I didn't have to think about it. "Yea, that's fine too. Just give me the address and I'll drive over."

She shot over and hugged me over my shoulders, pressing her heaving bosom into my arm. "You're awesome, Vince."

My cheeks felt hotter than the stove. "Uhhh, oh… maybe I am a little epic."

She kept hugging me and groaned. "You are…"

"You're awesome too."

She raised a scaly brow. "You don't think I know that?"

I scoffed at her joke and she released me. As she pulled back, her tongue fluttered in the air for a moment.

"I'm gonna take a shower first. Don't want to go out smelling like I ran around a campfire all night."

She waved a hand dismissively. "You don't even smell bad."

Was she - smelling me? "What?"

"What?"

I decided to gloss over that. "Anyway, I'm gonna finish these eggs and hop in the shower, so if you gotta use it, do it now."

She ended up lounging on the couch while I finished my eggs. She glanced over at my bedroom door a few times.

I went and grabbed some of my clothes out of my room after I was done eating. When I came out of my room she was looking in my direction, so I pointed at her. "Stay out of my room. I saw you looking at my door."

She leaned back on the couch and shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about."

She wouldn't dare go in my room, would she?

I made sure I closed my bedroom door, or at least I thought I did. When I finished my shower the door to my bedroom wasn't fully closed, but Tay was on the couch watching TV.

There's no way she'd be able to keep quiet if she saw my body pillow, or went on my computer.

We said goodbye to each other and she texted me her address. I drove over to her apartment as fast as the speed limit would allow.

When I reached the door I pushed the button on the door buzzer to call room 34, like Tay had told me.

I didn't have to hold the button long, Thorn's voice blasted through the speaker. "Helllllo? Who is it?"

"Uh, it's Vince."

"Vince? Oh hey! What do ya need?"

"Tay sent me over to get her work clothes."

"Oooooooh. She's still that mad at me?"

"Yup." What happened to all that crap she said yesterday about 'I don't expect her to forgive me.'

"Door should be unlocked. Oh and take the stairs, the elevator's broken."

The inside of the apartment building was pretty standard. LED lit aluminum sconces and vinyl flooring. The cheap grey carpet covering the stairs felt thin and loose underfoot as I hopped up two flights of stairs two steps at a time.

When I reached the wooden door with the brass number 34 nailed on it, I took a deep breath before knocking.

The sound resonated through the dense wood.

Thorn ripped the door open and I was hit by a blast of heat. She smiled at me. "Heya."

"Hi." My feet were firmly planted outside the doorway.

She noticed my hesitancy. "Are ya waiting for an invitation? Come on in!" She said, punctuating with a snicker.

"Yea, thanks…"

I felt awkward as I stepped inside. I'd never been inside a girl's apartment or room before, but I could instantly tell Thorn and Tay lived here.

The warm air swirled with a veiled scent of cheap vanilla and peppery herbs. My eyes were drawn to the cheap flickering candles and glowing incense sticks on the kitchen counters.

Explains the smell.

The walls were covered with a mixture of dark and mystic art and shelves filled with various knickknacks. The mystical astrology shit was clearly Thorn's, and the… what I could only describe as Halloween decorations were Tay's.

I examined a small shelf hanging by their flatscreen. It was funny how clear it was who made the decorative choices. Going from left to right there were some crystals, a metal bowl with an unlit candle, all clearly Thorn's; then there was a statuette of a vampire bat and a black crucifix, almost certainly Tay's. Despite that, these distinct aesthetics sorta meshed in a weird way.

I chuckled to myself. This is like if Budda and Dracula shared an apartment in college.

"So, 'waddya think?"

I examined the big rectangular piece of fabric hanging above the couch. It had a circular pattern almost like a kaleidoscope. "It's a real collage of stuff. Looks… nice though."

She popped up next to me, noticing my interest in the fabric. "Oh, you like that? It's called a mandala tapestry. I do too. It's a Buddhist symbol, it represents the universe, infinity, the structure of everything. Somewhere in there is Earth and everything on it. My species' home planet is somewhere on there too."

"Wow, and here I thought the universe was a lot bigger than that."

The annoyance emanating from her was a thing of beauty. If I could see her pupils they would've rolled into the back of her head. "It's a spiritual thing… but I mainly have it hanging out here because it looks cool…" Her voice trailed off as she sensed my impatience. "Oh, but you're not here to chat, you're here for Tay's clothes, here, let me show ya her room."

She led me down the hall and directed me to the door on her left. As soon as the door was opened, it took a moment for my eyes to adjust, both windows were covered up by long black drapes that reached to the floor.

When Thorn turned the light on, my eyes were assaulted by black and maroon. Ghastly art of skeletons, skulls, bats, and vampires littered the walls, with band posters and paraphernalia spaced between it. I recognized a couple of the names: Kaiju and Dark Holy Day.

Well if I ever thought she was only larping as goth…

She chuckled while I took it all in. "See that desk over there?"

"Huh? Yea." There was a desk made of dark wood sitting at the back of her room.

"Whatever you do, don't look in the top drawer. Tay would be so embarrassed."

I smirked, thinking back to my bedroom door being open after my shower. My turn to snoop. "So you're saying I should look in there?"

She put her hands up, but I felt an aura of mischievousness emanating from her. "I'm saying I won't be here to stop ya if ya decide to look." She backed out of the room and into the hallway.

I didn't waste a second, I ripped that drawer open. Inside I found a strange collection of badly drawn art of what looked like an evil sorcerer guy in a long black coat. In almost every picture he had on these round spectacles and when he didn't his eyes were circled with thick, dark eyeliner. He was always drawn with long, flowing dark hair.

One of the pictures depicted him as having large bat wings and had Ozzy Osbourne written above it.

At least I know who this guy is now. Name sounds vaguely familiar.

In some of the other drawings, a white viper with blue eyes dressed in similarly macabre attire was sketched next to him. In one of them, they were kissing.

My eyes were drawn to a big poster of this man hanging above her bed that I hadn't noticed before.

Did… did Tay draw these? Oh man, she totally has a crush on this dude! Holy shit, she's just as down bad as I am!

I couldn't stop myself, I kept digging through picture after picture of this guy and Tay together.

At the bottom of it all was the real treasure; a black composition notebook with: Consort of the Prince of Darkness by Tatzel written on it in permanent marker.

It couldn't be…

But it was! As I picked it up and thumbed through the pages, I realized it was exactly what I was expecting.

I was taken on the cheesy adventures of a Viper freed from Advent, forced to work a shitty job, isekai'd into some dark fantasy land ruled by the mysterious "Prince of Darkness." There were a lot of grammar mistakes and weird sentences, but I could get the gist. It was still probably better than anything I could write.

As I skimmed, I found a lot of similarities between the Viper main character Tiff, and Tay. It's a self-insert story…

The plot was relatively straightforward, it involved forces even more evil than the Prince, the great army of the malevolent Conqueror Sadislock, threatening the Prince's rule and the innocent citizens of his prosperous kingdom. He called upon the aid of a dark champion using a profane ritual, and somehow that pulled the Viper from her dimension into this one. When she arrived, she got the power to command shadows somehow, I think I missed that part. But, considering the world was called The Land of Gloom Shrouded in Darkness and Shadow, or TLOGSIDAS for short, there were a lot of shadows for her to command. The biggest issue she faced was learning to control these shadows, or at least that seemed important. The Vile Wizard Sadislok had the same power she did for some reason and I think that really pissed him off. The Prince was impressed by her powers though and set her upon his enemies.

I put the book away after I had skimmed to the part where the Prince invited her to his bedchambers "in reward for her service."

She got to the sex part kinda fast—

Before I had time to process all of that, my phone started ringing and scared the shit out of me.

I answered and heard Tay at the other end. "You make it to the apartment yet?"

"Huh, yea. I'm in your room."

"Oh, did you grab my clothes?"

My eyes darted to the pile of fan art and the fanfiction. "Nn-not yet."

"Well what's taking so long?" She sounded annoyed.

"Sorry, I don't know where anything is. Remind me what you need and where I can find it."

She walked me through where everything was and even told me about a black spiderweb tote bag that I could use to put it all in. Even though I fully had her permission, it still felt weird to dig through her closet, it became even more awkward when—

"Right, so, uh, do you want me to grab your 'undies too?"

"What?"

"Your underwear. I could get Thorn to put them in your bag if you don't want me seeing 'em."

"Underwear?"

"Yea, you know, the stuff you wear under your skirt. Uh, panties? I get it if you don't want me, uh, touching them."

"Uhh, I don't wear anything under my skirts."

This bitch is GOING COMMANDO 24/7?! "Kinda weird but also kinda based." Did I just say that out loud?

"Kinda weird? Fuck you, how am I supposed to wear anything other than a skirt? I don't have legs, there's nothing for the fabric to grip. Would it make you feel better if I wore two skirts?!"

"I don't know!"

After that heated cultural exchange, she also asked me to grab her mouthwash and her fang and tongue brushes. I'd never thought about what a viper would use for oral hygiene, but I guessed the mouthwash and tongue brush were 90% of it.

When she hung up, I put everything back into the drawer the way I found it.

Thorn was on the couch watching TV. She gave me a shit-eating grin. "Find everything ya needed?"

I nodded. "Yea, and some."

0-

When I got back home Tay was still on the couch, and her eyes widened when she saw her bag.

She slid off the couch onto the floor like a pile of wet spaghetti and wrapped me in a hug. "Thanks."

"Yea, it wasn't a big deal or 'nothin."

She snatched it out of my hand and started digging through it.

I smiled as I watched her pull out her tongue brush and McDougalls uniform. "You must really trust me if you let me go into your room alone…" It was a thought that I absentmindedly said.

She froze and her hood widened. I swore I saw her fair scales flush red for a moment. "Shut up. I didn't have a choice."

"You coulda called in sick to work."

"Yeah, and who would help you during the dinner rush? Carlos? He can't work the grill to save his life, and I don't even think Ash was trained on it."

"When you're right, you're right."

Tay got dressed in the bathroom, and we walked to work together. When we sauntered into McDougalls at the same time Ash gave us both a look. He smirked and shook his head.

Tay pointed at him and yelled. "Augh! Whatever retarded shit you're thinking in that empty head of yours, it's not true!"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't say anything."

She pointed two fingers at her eyes, then back at him, and zipped her lips.

Luckily, there weren't any customers inside to hear her outburst, so I was able to enjoy how funny it was.

The shift started busy and it only got busier. It was a marathon that felt like it had no end. Tay and my breaks were the only glimmers of hope I had to cling to. I counted the minutes to my break.

When I was walking back to take my first break I heard Mark having a heated conversation with someone.

"…need X-credits! Nothing else will work for me! Do you have them to exchange or not? Yeah? Hope you have a shitty day." He was quiet for a moment, I imagined he hung up the phone. Then I heard him slam his fists on the desk. "SHIT! FUCK! SHIT! Lee's not gonna be happy with this, I barely have any time left!"

I shouldn't be listening to this. As soon as I walked past his door Mark went silent. Anxiety scratched at my skin. Is he gonna follow me? Who's Lee? Is he the manager above the witch? The District Manager?

I expected him to confront me in the break room, but he never did. He must've assumed I was just passing by.

My shift dragged on, eventually there was a lull in business and Tay went to take a smoke break. I hung out with her for a couple minutes while she smoked a cig. She offered me one, but I declined.

As we stood out there in the quiet night under the masked glow of the moon through a cloudy sky, I thought about us. She was constantly inviting me out to do things, the concert, the BBQ, and arguably the mall. I mean I put the idea in her head, but she's the one that asked me about it. It was time I surprised her with something, but what? It's not like I ever really went anywhere or did anything. My thoughts passed me by like puffs of smoke, but I was determined to think of something.

I tried to spend most of my shift thinking of an answer, but it was so busy I didn't have room for it. Fries were boxed and bagged, orders passed out the window. It took all of my attention and it was all a blur. I only came to when I was sitting in the break room with a burger I ordered for lunch.

I vaguely remembered ordering a double, but there were three patties on it.

I smiled. Tay is so real for this. One of those words made my mind more alert. Tay… What? Oh shit, I gotta do something with her.

I didn't even know where to start. What does she even like to do? Concerts and going to the mall were obvious, but I didn't really want to go to another concert. I had to think of something new.

I chuckled to myself as I searched: what do vipers like to do, on the city's intranet. God, I'm practically a Zoomer. My dad always did that shit anytime I asked him a question.

I found various things like: going to a pet shop, getting dessert, and going somewhere warm like a beach. But, that was all normal girl shit, I wanted to think of something unique for Tay.

I was about to give up hope when I saw a tailored ad for my search. The algorithm has saved me for once! It was for a viper-themed restaurant downtown that was called Viper Bistro. The website claimed it was owned and operated by Vipers. It served "Viper cuisine," touting its low prices and casual atmosphere.

Hmmmm, did this place just open? I've never heard of it. All species welcome… Guess that means they won't be serving roast rat. But maybe Tay would be interested. I'm not sure what Viper cuisine is, but maybe it'll be good.

The thought of going to a new restaurant actually appealed to me, so I decided on it. I'd take us to the Viper Bistro… at some point. For now, my break was over and I had to get back to work.

0-

I was only able to relax after Tay and I stumbled out the McDougalls door into the cold, dewy morning air.

Tay looked so tired, her hood sagged as much as her shoulders, and the light in her blue eyes was dulled. "Fuuuuck, that sucked…"

I chuckled. "Tell me about it. Easily one of the busiest days I've worked."

She nodded. "Same here."

We passed some morning shifters on their way in while we piddled around at the end of the parking lot.

Tay broke the silence. "Sooooooo."

"Yea, what's up?"

"Would you… could I stay the night again?" She forced a smile and clasped her hands together.

"Yup."

She cocked her head. "Didn't need much convincing…"

It was hard not to laugh. "I mean, you did ask me to grab extra clothes when I was at your apartment, I kinda figured you were gonna ask. I'm not that stupid." Her hood widened at my comment. "You don't gotta ask every day. We're friends. You can stay with me as long as you need to."

She looked away and nodded. "Thorn isn't the only reason... Your place is a lot closer than mine, and today sucked."

We both started heading in the direction of my house. "Yea, I dunno where 'alla them people came from. Was it a holiday or something today? There some kinda event nearby?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Who knows."

Cars passed us by like leaves blowing in the wind. The sun had almost completely risen past the horizon, painting the cloudy sky a creamy orange.

I sighed. "You ever feel like you were meant for better things than this?"

Her face contorted into a grimace. "Every day of my entire goddamn life." There was so much hatred in her voice, and yet she chortled. "We work at a temple to gluttony, Vince. The same people come in, say the same things, eat the same food, and get a little fatter every day. We don't even talk to them much, we might as well be robots, doing the same shit day in and day out. That's not fulfilling to anyone."

Ugh, it's like she's talking to me, but my brain isn't processing. "I mean, we're just doing our jobs. They're the ones choosing to eat like garbage." Not like my diet is much better.

"We're both facilitating that though; we're making their lives worse. The longer you work here, the more you'll understand."

"Sure, we're fash-fasili… faculty, agh fuck! I can't even talk!" I punted a stone from the broken concrete sidewalk as hard as I could into someone's yard.

We both stopped.

She looked at me with wide eyes. "Are you good?"

Anger surged through me, but it wasn't directed at her. "No..." What she had said before started to click with me more. "You're right. This... this fucking sucks, Tay. This job - it's taking the one thing I had left: me. I was never a fucking Einstein, but I can feel myself getting stupider—there's nothing I can do about it. I don't know what my normal is anymore; if I quit my job right now and had a normal schedule for a year, I feel like it wouldn't fix me." Why am I saying all this?! She's gonna leave like Sammy did!

She regarded me with a sympathetic gaze. "I know humans need a lot more sleep than vipers do. Keep walking and talking, we're almost there."

I followed her advice. She was right, again. We were almost to my house; I could see my neighbor's in the distance.

"Yea, sleep. Some mornings when I go to bed I don't even fall asleep. I just lay in bed with my eyes closed like I'm trying to trick my brain into thinking I'm sleeping."

"I've had a lot of rough nights like that."

When we reached my house, I threw open my door, pulled my shoes off, and flopped down onto my couch. Tay shut the door behind us and held onto that soft sympathetic look.

I leaned back on the pillows she left out from last night. "I'm sick of this job. All I do is work. I can barely recover from the previous night before the next one and the weekend is a joke." She sat across from me on the couch. Tossing a blanket over both of us, she let most of her tail settle on the floor. "By the time I wake up on Saturday, it's already half over, and I'm usually too tired to do anything on Sunday—"

I was silenced for a moment when she gently rubbed the top of my foot with the tip of her tail. She had managed to sneak it up to the couch under the cover of the blanket while I was busy talking. The smooth scales felt pleasant, like a mostly melted ice pack gliding over my skin. "It's not easy... I've worked this job for a long time and it's only gotten worse."

I sighed. "I don't know if I'm gonna make it. I don't think I can do this for half a year, let alone the next 40. I don't just see things happening daily, I see my whole life passing me by every day I work there." I crossed my arms. "My previous construction job also sucked at times, but at least I was making real money. When I was helping buildup the city, it was more than just a job, I was proud of my work. Every hammered nail, every time I added a board to the frame of a new building I was seeing my work take shape. I was leaving my mark on the world. It felt like I was a part of something bigger than myself, you know." Rage crept into my voice. "And they just threw me aside first chance they got, like a dirty rag. The whole time I kept asking for work they ignored me. They treated me like I was nothing - like I was less than nothing. An annoyance."

There was something beyond sympathy in her eyes now, I saw understanding. "The world isn't fair, it hasn't been fair to me either. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"I remember you saying something about your 'automay at the party. I can't imagine what it was like being forced to work for Advent."

She chuckled and said, "My autonomy," before going quiet.

Shit, maybe I shouldn't have brought up Advent. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

"It's fine. I don't like thinking about my life under Advent. Things are better for me now, just not by much... You're working at McDougalls because of LAP, right?"

"Yea."

"I am too. These days I don't see much difference between being forced to work by Advent and being forced to work by the council of New Chicago. You and me, we're in the same boat." She regarded me with curiosity. "What did you do after you were fired by the construction company?" Her tail moved up my leg and rested on my knee, sending chills across my body.

"Uh, survive I guess. Live off my savings and try to sell furniture I made."

Her hood widened. "Furniture? Like the couch we're sitting on?" She said, gesturing to it.

"Yea, I made this couch. Made a lot of stuff, some of it's still in my garage." I felt the life get sucked out of me. "But, no one wanted it, so I gave up. Started playing games way more, stopped paying my taxes, stopped leaving my house..." My fury spiked again. "This city owes me! I helped build it! But they couldn't leave me alone. There's so many things wrong in this shitty city that they can't be bothered to fix, and they just had to go out of their way to fuck with me!"

I expected her to look at me with disgust—this was the shit I kept deep down, only my friends really had the whole picture—but she didn't. She had seen more of me now than Sammy did, but she wasn't running away. "Wasn't your life still passing you by while you did nothing?"

Her question yanked me out of my thoughts. "Well sure, but I was happier then at least."

"Do you remember what we talked about at work, about having an escape plan?"

"I do."

"Let me give you some advice." She pointed at me. "People are gonna tell you that you shouldn't be angry, that everything is fine, that you should just let it go and deal with it. Those people are losers, they're wrong. This job is terrible, you should be mad. Your anger isn't pointless, it didn't come from nowhere, you need to hang onto it. Your body is trying to tell you something. Hating your job is the only thing that'll help you overcome the fear of finding a new one. That anger you feel, that discomfort, it should drive you to find a way to free yourself from what makes you feel that way."

"I've never heard anyone say anger was a good thing."

She smirked. "It's because people are idiots. Most people don't get fulfillment from a job like this, you gotta find it elsewhere. So, with that in mind, what's your escape plan?"

"I don't know, all I know is woodworking and construction. Neither of those things worked out."

"Maybe it wasn't the right time for your furniture." She shrugged her shoulders. "What would be the harm in trying again?"

I frowned at her. "It's not something I can just pick up, it's artisan shit. Each piece takes a lot of time, effort, and I gotta invest money in the wood. It's not free."

Her smirk grew wider. "All I'm hearing are excuses."

"Ugh, fine. What's your escape plan then?"

She wagged a finger at me. "Ah, ah, ah, you remember our deal. I won't tell you mine until you come up with your own."

"Aight, so what if I say the furniture is my escape plan."

"You don't mean it, so it doesn't count." Her tone was playfully serious.

"Oh whatever. I don't even want to think about work anymore."

She chortled. "What do you usually do when you want to forget about work?"

"Game, watch anime, sleep."

"How about you play a game for a while and I'll watch?"

I didn't hesitate. After digging around I pulled out a retro RPG called Oblivion. My dad always said it was nostalgic, but I never really played it that much.

Tay seemed to like watching me play though. The opening to the game had you running around in this disgusting sewer filled with goblins and rats. She practically jumped off the couch when the first goblin whipped around and screeched. I couldn't stop myself from laughing at her and she made up an excuse that she needed to change into her pj's to salvage her pride.

When she came back she was wearing a long black t-shirt that went down to where a human's knees would be, like a nightgown. Couldn't help but notice her voluminous boobs were sagging slightly as her shirt hung loosely around her chest. She took her bra off! I never thought about that. I wonder if vipers have their own bras or if they just wear human ones. Heh, a specially made snake bra, snra...

Pushing that thought aside, I finally got out of the sewer. The game really opened up into this colorful world that just made you wanna explore. The soft flute and harp music gave the sense that an adventure was just beginning.

I didn't play much longer after that. Managed to kill some bandits across the river before we both yawned.

Tay stretched her back over the couch, her spine letting out a few satisfying pops. "We should probably go to bed."

I paused the game and set the controller down. "Yea, you're right. Got everything you need out here?" She gave me a look. "You need me to tuck you in?"

She crossed her arms. "You're terrible at this."

"At what? I'm tired."

She slithered off the couch in front of me. "You have a whole ass girl in your house and you're not even gonna ask?"

"Ask you what?"

Her hands migrated to her hips. "If I want to sleep in your bed."

My sleep-addled brain was unable to put two and two together. "Isn't the couch nice enough? I like my bed…"

"With YOU! Dipshit!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Are you fucking with me?"

"No! I'm as serious as I was yesterday, only now I'm stone - cold - sober!"

"What about that weed you smoked behin—"

"I AM SOBER! So, what's your excuse?"

"You, but - I. What I—"

She saw my weakness and went on the attack. "Why are you hesitating? So, you can go curl up with that greasy pillow? Wouldn't you rather have the real thing?" She swept her hand over herself and jutted her chest out.

She's seen Jeanne! Oh fuck! Wait, she's seen Jeanne and she's not disgusted with me? I tried and failed to think of some witty way to mention Ozzy. "You went in my room?!"

She smirked. "You went in mine so it's only fair. And it's your fault; you really should've put that thing in your closet if you didn't want me to see it." She leaned over and brought her face close to mine. "Almost makes me wonder if you wanted me to see it."

"No- I uh, um—"

"No, I, uh, I uhh…" she mocked. "Face it, dweeb, I know you like me, I know you like Vipers, so just admit it. What's the holdup? You're not that scared of me are you?"

"Nah, if I was scared of you I wouldn't have ever tried to fight you at work. It's just, I can't believe this is happening. Why do you even like hanging around me?" I pulled these words from my throat like balls of nails. "I'm a fucking loser…"

She patted me on the shoulder and sighed. "What do you think I got going on, huh? Do you think I'm a real winner?"

She didn't even disagree with me. "Well, at least you're hot!" I tried to seal my lips but it was too late.

She froze for a moment and quickly composed herself. Everything I said was just giving her more reasons to get closer to me. "Oh, I'm… hot? You know it's not normal for a human to think someone like me is hot." She reached a claw out and flicked some of my hair. "Lucky for you, I think you're cute—I mean—handsome."

I grabbed her hand. "I don't understand, why are you doing this after Thorn admitted to manipulating us? I thought you'd hate me."

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "I've thought a lot about it. Thorn's always gonna meddle in my business, it's what she does. I'm not gonna let that change what I want. She can think she brought us together, but you were right, she didn't. No one told you to hang out with me after the robbery, no one told me to ask you to hang out. That was us. No one can take that from me."

"So… does that mean—"

"Yes, we're a thing now, if you wanna be."

A chill ran up my spine. I have a girlfriend now? "Yeaaaaaaa." My voice trailed off.

She raised her scaly brows. "So how 'bout it then? You, me, your bed." She sensed my hesitation and leaned in even closer. "Don't worry, I won't do anything weird." She snaked her head over to my ear. "Unless you ask me to~" She yanked her head back to see my expression. "Hah, gotcha! But seriously, think about it. You and me under the covers, we could cuddle. Maybe I'll even coil around you a little if you ask nicely~"

My face felt like I had stuck my head in an oven, I couldn't even speak.

"Ha, I knew you'd be into that you freak."

I've gotta defend myself. "Freak?! You're the one trying to slither your way into my bed! You, you, you - temptress!"

She squinted her eyes and cocked her head. "So you are tempted."

Why is she making the rizz face?! I can't win! "Okay, let's get one thing straight here; I may be a little tempted."

She shook her fist at me. "I knew it!"

I poked her snout with my finger. "But, I swear to GOD, if this is some kind of elaborate prank, I'm never gonna forgive you."

She smacked my finger away with her prehensile tongue. "Oh please, what am I gonna do? Call you weird and leave?"

I wiped her saliva off on my pants. "I wouldn't put it past you," I said, standing up.

As I walked over to my room she shadowed me. I took a deep breath before opening the door. It was the first time I had invited a girl into my room. Or rather the first time a girl had bullied me into letting her into my room. Normally in a moment like this, you'd expect a guy to be unable to contain his excitement, but I felt strangely numb. I really couldn't believe this was happening, it felt like at any moment I would wake up, or she'd tell me it was a joke and leave. It was a feeling I couldn't shake like my body would not allow me to get invested in it for a moment.

We passed by some of my clothes on the floor as we walked over to my bed. The simple but sturdy wooden frame I made for it was sanded smooth, finished to bring out the darker shades of the black walnut it was made from. It came out further than the bed, stylized like the base of a pyramid.

Tay moved the covers aside and lifted my bodypillow of the sultry brown serpent Jeanne-Monette by her head, holding her up like a prisoner about to be executed. Tay's lips curled into a devilish smile and she raised an eyebrow, reveling in my embarrassment. "It might get a little crowded with all three of us. Mind if I toss this aside?"

"Sure, go ahead." I tried to act like I didn't care, but for a moment I swore I saw Jeanne's beaming smile darken for a moment.

Tay tossed her against the wall and we both climbed into my bed.

Neither of us made a move, we hadn't touched each other yet. Her dilated eyes sparkled under the soft blue glow of my gaming PC.

Her hood tightened up. "So, how do you wanna do this?" Her smirk returned for a moment. "I bet you want to be the little spoon. How's that sound? Me right behind coiled around you and holding you as tight as I can."

"Uhh, I was kinda hoping we could be face to face, you know."

I felt her whole body shift. "Face to face..." She whispered. "Y-you're such a weirdo."

It's my turn to go on the attack. I inched closer to her. "Weirdo, this, freak that, maybe you should just say you like it. I don't want to see the back of your head, I don't want to see the wall. I want to see your face when I open my eyes, so I know I'm not dreaming."

Well, that was the main reason, however, I had an ulterior motive I could not divulge.

Her blue eyes became wet and she blinked a few times. "Vince..."

Before I could react, she lunged forward and pulled me into a hug. I tried to not freak out from the two large mounds squishing into my chest. Jackpot! She nuzzled against my cheek. Her face was a tapestry of smooth scales stretched over bone. They were cool to the touch and I could feel the miniscule valleys between them. As her thin bony cheek pressed into mine, electricity ran up my spine.

Her bottom half moved against me. I felt the strength held in it as she effortlessly slipped it under the side of my thigh, lifting me off the bed slightly as she loosely coiled around part of my legs, letting my feet rest on top of the end of her tail.

It was shocking how soft her body was. Granted, there were thick cords of muscle in her bottom half that felt strong enough to snap my legs like twigs, but there was a suppleness to it. Her goal was not to squeeze me to death but to smother me. She had completely relaxed and the muscle in her tail folded around me like memory foam.

She pulled her head back, stars danced in her eyes. She was looking at me with something I'd never seen from someone before. Was it love? The only thing I recognized was embarrassment and I could tell she was feeling it as much as I was. We both were out of our comfort zones, just silently looking at each other.

If there was ever a time, it's now. I was a coward, so I had to close my eyes, but I leaned forward and pursed my lips.

I felt... nothing?

I had to lean pretty far forward. I started to wonder if she was backing away from me before my lips ran into something slimy, almost like a tentacle.

This can't be her lips.

Our eyes opened at the same time. She had stuck her snakelike tongue out and I was kissing that instead of her lips. Her expression became devious.

She wanted tongue from me?!

The side of her mouth curved upwards as she swiped her tongue across my lips.

Before I had time to adjust my position, she closed her mouth around mine like a vice and slipped the tip of her tongue into my mouth. I instinctively tried to back out, but we were already tightly embraced, there was no escape.

Tay laughed her hot smoky breath into my mouth, enjoying my reaction. It gave me a chance to put my lips against hers. I was surprised to find them firm and smooth, the crevices between her lip scales were almost imperceptibly shallow. It felt like I was kissing the rounded edge of a soda can.

I started getting lightheaded, breathing a mix of her breath and what little air came between us. It took me a moment to realize I needed to breathe through my nose or I was gonna pass out.

Her tongue darted around the inside of my mouth like a snake with Parkinson's. She would slide it in, caressing my own, rub my hard palate, tuck it into the side of my cheek; relentless with her explorations. She even reached back and touched my tonsils! It was slimy, strong, and had a slight minty taste to it. It felt like my mouth was completely filled with her tongue, if I hadn't been breathing through my nose I would've been choking on it. I tried to find my own rhythm, but my tongue wasn't nearly as mobile as hers.

She clearly had experience, as we undulated against each other she went at a steady pace and I floundered like a fish gasping for air, just trying to keep up.

She pulled her tongue out for a moment and rubbed it against the side of my mouth, inviting mine into hers. Her half-lidded eyes closed as I moved in.

Her lips didn't have much of a taste, but as I probed around the softness of her mouth a smoky mint taste tingled the tip of my tongue. Bittersweet, like coffee mixed with breath mints.

She definitely used her mouthwash earlier. I hope my breath doesn't stink.

If it did, she didn't seem to care. I moved up towards the top of her mouth and felt two fleshy bumps.

What are these?

A spike of fear went through me when my tongue brushed against something hard.

Holy shit, that's her fangs!

I steered clear of the roof of her mouth after that. We sucked at each other's mouths until we were out of breath. Tay was the first to pull back.

I swallowed. "Wow, that was—"

She put a finger up to my lips. "Shhhhhhh, you don't have to say anything."

"Worried I'll ruin the moment?" I said with a chuckle.

She pulled her finger away and smirked. "Yeah… I know I said I wouldn't do anything weird, but you kissed me so it's your fault."

"You know, this kiss in my bed was a lot better than the one in my car... getting to be a pretty elaborate prank. I'm still wondering when you're gonna say you got me."

"Shut up... retard." She moved her head lower and rested her forehead against my chest. "I can't believe this either." She mumbled. "I felt so cold and lonely last night. It was unbearable. I thought about bursting into your room a few times and calling you stupid."

"Tay... I-I didn't know. I'm s—"

"Don't you dare say you're sorry." She snapped. "I... I've always felt like that. It's funny now, but I thought you wouldn't like me anymore when Thorn said she manipulated us. Even though you kept telling me you were worried that I hated you for it... when you didn't want me in your room last night I thought... I guess we're both idiots."

"We sure are a pair of dipshits."

She chuckled at my joke, but her face darkened. "I said some awful shit to her at the BBQ."

"You thinking about apologising to her?"

She sighed. "Maybe, I don't know..."

"Take all the time you need, uh, I, uh, wouldn't mind you staying longer."

She hugged me tighter and rubbed her face against my chest. "Thanks."

I couldn't see her face, but I knew she smiled by the touch of happiness radiating off of her. It warmed me as much as her body did. It couldn't have been a more perfect night.

She whispered, "Goodnight," as she gave me a quick kiss.

"Goodnight," I responded. I love you...

0-

Despite feeling the most comfortable and happy I had in a long time, my dreams were filled with strange things. Darkness, danger, fear, an alley, humans and aliens I'd never seen before, Lee, a burger...

I woke up in a cold sweat. Tay had rolled over in the bed and wasn't coiled around me anymore. My heart pounded against my chest. I sat up in bed, taking a few deep breaths.

As I tried to relax, my room seemed different... darker.

"Rough night, tiger?" A feminine voice asked.

I looked over at Tay, but she was still sleeping.

"Try again." The voice was distorted, I couldn't tell where it was coming from.

"Tay, can you hear that?"

She didn't stir.

"She can't hear you." This time the voice has a source.

"Who are you?"

"Don't play stupid with me, tiger. You know exactly who I am. Don't you recognize my voice~"

She talked long enough for me to pinpoint her location being somewhere across from my bed. Two predatory eyes reflected back at me and I suddenly placed her accent. "No..."

"Yes, it is I, Jeanne-Monette Stardust, second in command on the Starship Spirit of Enterprise."

My eyes adjusted to the darkness, and sitting against the wall across from my bed was... my bodypillow of Jeanne, not the actual Viper.

She giggled. "You look disappointed to see me."

"Well, I was hoping you were gonna be the real Jeanne."

Her tone became furious. "I AM the real Jeanne! As real as you'll ever get!"

"Well, you can go away now, I don't need you anymore. I have a real girlfriend now, and she's way better than you."

"You said that the last time, remember?" She sounded hurt. "Remember what you did to me when you met, Sammy?"

"I..."

"You're making a mistake, Vincent."

"N-no. No, I'm not. Tay loves me. Sammy was a mistake."

"You've had me for so long. No one knows you better than I do. How many nights have I been there for you when you needed me?"

"You have always been there for me..." I shook my head. "But Tay is gonna be there for me now and she's better because she's real."

"She'll hate you just like Sammy did, you know. She'll leave you as soon as you become inconvenient for her. It's just a matter of time. You're a loser and you'll always be a sad excuse of a human being. Why do you think you keep crawling back to me? You need me and it's pathetic that you need me."

"Fuck you."

"I love you too, tiger. Don't worry, I'll be waiting right here for you when you screw everything up~"

0-

I woke up again, but this time my room was filled with the light of the morning sun. Tay's lower body was lazily laying over my legs and she was still facing towards me.

She looked so cute lying there, softly breathing through her nose...

But there was something I needed to do.

I looked over at my bodypillow, it hadn't moved an inch from where Tay had tossed it.

I pulled away from her, she groaned in protest but didn't stop me.

I dragged my body pillow out to the kitchen and slid the pillowcase off.

"It's goodbye for real this time you bitch."

I shredded that cursed pillowcase with a kitchen knife. The more cuts I made the more satisfied I felt.

"Vince… What are you doing?"

The commotion of ripping fabric must've woken her up. "Just... getting rid of some trash." I turned around to show her the pillowcase and knife in my hands.

She's gonna think I'm batshit insane!

My heart skipped a beat when she smirked. "That looks fun, can I help?"

"Uh, yea."

I tossed the knife on the counter and she slithered over. She grabbed the other end of the bodypillow and pulled. I pulled in the opposite direction and we ripped it in half.

We both laughed maniacally as we ripped it into smaller pieces and threw it in the garbage.