Chapter 16
"Are you certain?"
"Yes." Lothíriel met Éowyn's despondent gaze with a small but reassuring smile. "The Queen has kindly offered to bring me back to Minas Tirith with her retinue. I think it will be best if I go at her side."
"I will speak to Éomer."
"No. Don't do it on my behalf, at least. He must have his reasons for last night and it would not be helpful or proper for me to linger and fuel gossip." The Princess paused in her walk to the stable, the shieldmaiden stopping with her. "I hope you are not displeased or offended that I would leave."
"No!" the blonde woman frowned, glancing at the streaks of light in the east, heralds of the sun. "I don't wish you to go but I understand. If anything, I hope it is you who does not feel slighted."
"Not at all. But, if you please, I have left letters for Elfhelm and Ros. And for the Hobbits. Would you see that they are distributed?"
"Of course." The women began walking again, met by the quiet bustle of activity at the stables as Queen Arwen's small company prepared for departure. "I assume your father and cousin know?"
"They do. I spoke to them last night after the festivities concluded. Amrothos and a few Swan Knights will accompany me. It is not unusual that I would go with the Queen. She invited me to join her in Minas Tirith as one of her ladies."
"Did you accept?"
"No. But the offer gives me a fair excuse to depart. Well, a better excuse than my wounded pride."
"Is that what you would have me tell him?"
"That my pride is damaged?" Lothíriel's brows furrowed as she looked at Éowyn with an irked visage.
"No," the blonde woman smiled briefly before a serious tone replaced it. "That you've been asked to attend the Queen." The Princess nodded, her expression softening as they neared the bay mare she'd arrived on. "I will tell him. But I think he ought to know how his stupidity hurt you. Let him bear that guilt, for he is its architect."
"You said you don't know what plans evolved that led to his decision," Lothíriel reminded her. Éowyn scowled as they paused their conversation to allow a stable hand to pass.
"I don't. And they aren't even officially affianced."
"Oh." The dark-haired woman froze, her hand on the door to her horse's stall, meeting the shieldmaiden's gaze. "Are they not…? Didn't the cup symbolize their troth?"
"Unofficially. It had to have been borne of a conversation and agreement made prior to the offering of the cup. They must have had some kind of arrangement for him to accept it from her, just as you and I were planning when you..."
"I understand. I'll not dwell on it. It will be well with some distance between us for now, as I expect I will see him in the future."
"This leave taking is not what I wished but I am glad you sent Elayn for me. I would've been cross if you left without saying farewell."
"I would not dare invoke your ire. Though, I would've liked to see Ros and Elfhelm but this seemed far too early to bother them."
"Nothing is too early when you have an infant, my Lady." The women turned to find Ros and Elfhelm standing in the aisle, woeful smiles on their faces. Lothíriel looked to Éowyn who canted her head to accept responsibility.
"I sent Elayn from my chambers to theirs to bear the news. She was a busy lass this morning."
"You think we wouldn't see you off?" Ros inquired, approaching Lothíriel with her arms open. The Princess embraced her, tears biting her closed eyes.
"I hadn't wanted to make a big show of it."
"Nonsense – you are our friend. We'd not miss this." The other woman pulled back from the hug with a shake of her head and coy grin. "Besides, we wanted to see the look on your face when the Lady Éowyn told you."
"Told me what?" grey eyes narrowed, gaze shifting from the couple to the shieldmaiden.
"She's a fine horse but a Lady of Dol Amroth can do better," Éowyn mused, looking at the bay mare with a disapproving stare. "The black gelding will bear you across our lands and to Gondor. Perhaps even to your homelands."
"Éowyn!" Lothíriel's eyes widened as she smiled, though it was brief as her brow furrowed. "But is it not true that only the King can release horses of the Mark to outsiders?"
"This is the least the King can do," Éowyn muttered as they moved away from the mare's stall. "He and I spoke after our ride a few days prior, and he designed to give you the gelding. I'm simply making good on that wish."
"And you two knew?"
"The Lady told us after the funeral," Elfhelm answered with a smirk.
"I am most grateful! He will be the envy of my brothers when I return home." Lothíriel paused then, sadness returning to her gaze as she looked at her friends. "I had not expected to leave this way."
"I would do the same, were I in your place," Ros replied offhandedly, putting the woman at ease with a nonchalant tone. "We'll see each other at Lady Eowyn's wedding, if not sooner! I've no doubt about it."
Lothíriel gave her another hug and Elfhelm kissed her hand with a bow. Turning to Éowyn the Princess embraced her, the threat of tears rising once more. It was not the departure either of them wanted and, as such, guilt weighed heavily on her.
"Go well, Lothíriel," the shieldmaiden murmured against her hair. "His decision was folly, and I will not let him forget it."
"I do not doubt that," the Princess replied as they drew away. "Worry not for me. I have plenty to keep myself occupied until our next meeting."
TTTT
The black gelding bore her masterfully across the plains of Rohan, the Queen's company far quieter than their procession seven days ago. They were attended by a small faction of Rohirrim, selected by the King to escort Arwen and her retinue to the borders of Rohan. They maintained a detachment of Aragorn's men as well, along with three Swan Knights to protect them on the cross-country journey, though it seemed an uneventful trek. Smaller camps were prepared for their overnights, paling in comparison to the grandeur and breadth of the trip to Edoras.
The Queen was gracious and welcoming, careful not to pry into Lothíriel's decision to join her in leaving Rohan a day early. They talked of many things during the journey, Arwen only occasionally hinting at the reason behind the Princess' attendance. Amrothos was especially mindful of his words, keeping most of their conversations light. It wasn't until their fifth day on the road, the evening closing in as they rode across the wooded lands of eastern Gondor, that her brother's demeanor shifted.
"Are you alright?" Lothíriel inquired, studying his face as they rode several paces behind the others. The wing-tipped helms of the Swan Knights ahead glinted in the fading light, like sparkling jewels amidst the shadowy forest.
"Yes," he murmured unconvincingly. When her skeptical gaze did not abate, he glanced at her and nodded. "I'm alright. Just thinking."
"Should I be concerned?"
"You haven't said much about your farewell from Edoras. By all accounts it was a hasty departure."
"It was merely a day earlier than we'd planned to leave," she pointed out, well aware her answer was both insufficient and ignored the objective of his statement. Her brother glanced at her with a dubious expression.
"Loth, we both know why you left."
"Then why should I need to say much about it?"
"Certainly you are hurting." Amrothos studied her, their horses walking together with little encouragement. "I would be."
"I've accepted my path differs from where I thought it would lead."
"Acceptance doesn't undo the pain, little swan."
"What do you want me to say?" she snapped, looking at him sharply. But she knew before the words left her mouth what he meant, for he was right. He did not reply, allowing her space to soothe the defensive ire that had built up before he spoke again.
"I don't pretend to understand the details of your accord with him. Truthfully, it's better if I don't. But whatever occurred last night that gave you cause to leave Rohan as you did… it must cut you deeply."
Lothíriel pressed her lips together, hearing his words and hoping they would not unleash the emotions she'd hurriedly tucked away. She was mindful not to entertain his observations too deeply; embarrassment, envy and hurt lingering just below the surface of her curated countenance. Unprepared to feel them in their fullness the woman took a breath and avoided looking at her brother as she spoke.
"It was not pleasant. I do not wish to speak of it because I fear I… it is better that we agree it was ill-fated."
"Understood," he replied with a nod. "It is a painful labor, desiring someone you cannot have – I do not wish it upon you. I hope you move on from this. You are not destined for sorrow, Lothíriel. Do not let it be your master for too long."
Their eyes met and again she was caught off guard by the vulnerability and yearning that permeated the planes of his face, though he concealed it swiftly with tilt of his head. Whether he realized it or not his gaze moved immediately to the pair of Knights ahead of them, Evandor the rider directly in front of him. Swallowing her self-pity Lothíriel let his words repeat in her head as she observed her brother's momentary drop of defenses.
Although part of her had known since they were children she felt flummoxed by her naivete and preoccupation with her own desires. He understood, perhaps better than any other in her life, what she felt, and he lived with it daily – a servant of longing.
It was clear the conversation was over, her brother moving his horse a few strides ahead of her to denote the end. She was grateful, for neither sibling had the words to delve further into their feelings. But as they rode silently toward Minas Tirith Lothíriel mustered determination to combat the sorrow, taking Amrothos' final statement as guidance. If providence was leading her away from Rohan and its king she would not look back, resolving to embrace this challenge openly, wherever it might bring her.
A/N: Please do not despise me! These two do, of course, come back together. Part III will sort out this little hiccup - I hope you'll stay with the story to see how it resolves. Thank you so much for reading and providing wonderful feedback!
