Volterra Castle

The grand marble chamber of the Volturi headquarters was silent, save for the soft echoes of footsteps as an unfortunate petitioner approached the three imposing thrones. The kings—Aro, Caius, and Marcus—sat in their usual positions, looking as regal and terrifying as ever. Or so they thought.

The truth? These three were anything but solemn behind closed doors. Centuries of immortality had turned their reign into something akin to a supernatural sitcom.


Aro clapped his hands together, his crimson eyes wide with glee as a guard handed him a tablet—a human invention he found endlessly fascinating. "Ah, delightful! Look at this, brothers! It's called 'Pinterest.' Humans collect and share their inspirations on it. It's like a vision board but digital!"

Caius groaned, rubbing his temples. "Aro, for the love of all that is eternal, stop looking up interior design schemes. If I have to hear about your 'Midnight Gothic' aesthetic one more time—"

"Midnight Gothic is timeless," Aro said, undeterred. "You have no vision, Caius. No sense of artistry! Marcus agrees, don't you, Marcus?"

Marcus, who had been staring off into space with the energy of a man who hadn't cared about anything since the Renaissance, blinked slowly. "What? Oh. Sure. Midnight Gothic. Very… timeless."

"See?" Aro said triumphantly, holding the tablet higher. "Marcus understands me."

Caius scowled, slouching in his throne like a disgruntled cat. "Midnight Gothic doesn't even make sense. You can't call something gothic if it's modern. That's literally the opposite of what gothic means."

Aro gasped dramatically, placing a hand over his heart as though Caius had personally offended him. "You wound me, Caius. Truly. Your lack of imagination is why your throne room design is so bland. "

Caius's growl echoed through the chamber. "Bland? It's minimalist! Less is more."

Marcus sighed, muttering under his breath, "Less of this conversation would be ideal."


Despite his perpetual aura of melancholy, Marcus had mastered the art of dry humor—when he bothered to speak. As Aro and Caius bickered over décor, Marcus finally interjected.

"Why don't we just ask Jane? Her talent for inflicting pain is almost as sharp as her critiques of your fashion choices, Aro."

Aro gasped again, clutching his robe dramatically. "I will not have my style insulted by a child who thinks combat boots go with everything."

"You wore a cape to breakfast this morning," Marcus replied without missing a beat.

"It's called drama, Marcus," Aro huffed. "Something you wouldn't understand."

Caius snorted. "He's got you there, Marcus. You've been wearing the same toga since Rome fell."

Marcus shrugged. "It's called vintage. Look it up."


From their positions near the entrance, Felix and Demetri exchanged knowing looks. These moments were their favorite. Watching the kings squabble was better than anything human Netflix could provide.

Demetri leaned closer to Felix, smirking. "Five euros says Caius storms off first."

Felix chuckled. "Double that if Aro tries to make a speech about the 'sanctity of artistic expression' before he starts crying."

"Deal," Demetri whispered, just as Aro shot to his feet, clutching his tablet.


Meanwhile, the vampire petitioner standing awkwardly in the middle of the room had no idea what to do. She'd come to request permission to create her own coven, but instead, she was witnessing what could only be described as a dysfunctional family therapy session.

"Um… excuse me?" she ventured, her voice trembling.

All three kings turned to her in unison, their gazes intense and terrifying.

"Ah, forgive us, dear one!" Aro exclaimed, descending the dais with his trademark flourish. "We were… discussing important matters of state."

Marcus let out a quiet snort. "Sure. Important."

Caius rolled his eyes. "State your business. Quickly."

The petitioner fumbled with her words, trying to keep her composure as she explained her request. When she finished, Aro clapped his hands together.

"Splendid! A new coven! How exciting!" He glanced at Caius and Marcus. "Brothers, what do we think?"

Caius waved a hand dismissively. "I don't care as long as they stay out of our territory."

Marcus shrugged. "Sure. Why not. Nothing matters."

Aro beamed, turning back to the petitioner. "You see? All in favor! Go forth and prosper, my dear."

The petitioner bowed deeply, backing out of the room as quickly as possible.

As the chamber returned to its usual semi-chaos, Aro sank back onto his throne, still clutching his tablet. "You know," he mused, "perhaps we should create a Volturi Pinterest board. For inspiration."

Caius groaned loudly. "I'm leaving."

"Good," Marcus said dryly. "I could use the peace."


Once the doors closed, Felix turned to Demetri.

"Told you. Caius stormed off first."

Demetri grinned, holding out his hand for the money. "Easiest bet of my life."

Life in Volterra was never dull.