A/N: Hello there, everyone. Been awhile since I did an entry for this fun side story collection, but it hasn't been a priority. Now though, The Cowardly Christian has requested a bunch of stories based on his prompts for me to do this year, and I decided to start with one for the Mature Edition. This one is an older idea, but one I always thought was fun, so I hope you all enjoy it.
As a reminder, all human characters here are older than they are in the main New Adventures universe, being in their late teens. Just something important to keep in mind while reading the following, which does involve nudity and innuendo. Oh, and some character bashing as usual, though that's a separate matter altogether.
Anyway, I think that's all for now. Read on!
Disclaimer: I still don't own Invader Zim, and never will. It belongs to Jhonen Vasquez.
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New Adventures: Mature Edition
Entry 8: Waterpark Hijinks
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When a new business opened up in a city like Doomsville, it required something special to actually be noticed by the generally apathetic population. And to really make an impact, it would have to be something really big to actively capture public interest. Normally, there was very little that could meet these particular criteria, and so most businesses would find their grand openings coming and going without much fanfare.
Oasis Land Waterpark, by contrast, had massive crowds attending on its first day of operation. The park had been built right on the edge of town, taking up several dozen acres of abandoned industrial land (and some residential areas, but the city government had been paid to not care about that), and now towered over the surrounding buildings, its various rides and attractions rising high above the park's tall walls, while a small sea's worth of water was circulated among them. Something that big, and with the potential to actually be fun, had immediately caught the eye of most of the city, and now that it was officially open, the crowds were pouring in to check it out.
Among whom, as it so happened, were Team Save Earth, who were standing near the entrance and looking around the park in mild appreciation.
"Huh, gotta say, I was expecting this place to be a dump," Steve admitted, glancing at all the bright and glitzy attractions surrounding them.
"That's a little cynical, isn't it?" Viera asked, arching an eyebrow at him.
"Have you seen the rest of this city?" he countered dryly.
"He's not wrong," Dib commented with a shrug, "But in any case, this place looks pretty good. And it'll be nice to have a day just for fun that Zim cannot possibly interfere with at all for once."
"You don't think he'll try something just to spite us? That seems like something he'd do," Viera stated.
"Yeah, probably. But I don't seem him trying that around this much water," Dib said, gesturing to the various pools, slides, and other water-based attractions making up the park. There was even an artificial river looping and twisting around the complex, guests leisurely floating in it.
"Good point. I don't think he'd take the risk of coming here and probably getting burned," Steve added, snickering at the thought of the Irken practically bursting into flames just from setting foot inside the park grounds.
"Exactly. So, we shouldn't have to worry about him, and can just focus on enjoying being here," Dib said with a nod.
"Good. Then stop blocking the entrance so that I can get in and enjoy it too," Gaz snapped as she shoved past the group, despite the fact that there was plenty of room to get around them.
"Wow, you actually left your room to come out here?" Viera asked dryly, "I thought trolls avoided sunlight?"
"First of all, fuck you," Gaz replied flatly, flipping the other goth off, "Secondly, some asshole hacked and crashed the servers for World of Bloatcraft, so I can't play until they're fixed. So, I figured I might as well check this place out before it becomes too cliché to visit it."
With that, Gaz apparently decided that the conversation was over, as she stomped off without another word, heading off to follow a nearby sign pointing towards a changing room.
"Wow, no threats of what she'll do to us if we mess her day up? She must be in a good mood," Dib commented, watching his sister weave through the crowd… until someone lightly brushed against her, and she responded by grabbing him and tossing him through the air.
"Watch where you're going, jackass!" she yelled after the poor bastard as his screaming form vanished over the horizon.
"…Or not," Dib added flatly, shaking his head with a sigh, "Let's just go change, too."
With that, the team also started making their way further into the park and towards the changing rooms… all the while unaware that they were being observed from a distance.
"Aha! Zim knew it!" the Irken declared, watching Dib and his friends fully enter the park from his perch atop the roof of a nearby building, "I knew that this much filthy Earth water being concentrated in one place was no coincidence! Clearly, the presence of the Dib-Stink and the Not-Dibs proves that the humans are trying to stockpile it to use against me! It makes perfect sense!"
"No, it doesn't!" GIR chirped happily from where he sat nearby on the edge of the roof, kicking his legs happily.
"Silence!" Zim snapped at the robot, "Do not interrupt Zim when I am accurately deducing my enemies' plan! Now, where was I…? Oh, right – this stockpile of liquefied doom must be destroyed before it can be used against me!"
"I wanna ride the waterslide!" GIR cheered, causing Zim to sigh in disgruntlement. He really didn't want to have to rely on GIR for such a potentially dangerous mission, but he didn't have much of a choice – Minimoose was on a well-earned vacation, while Nyx and Ying had gone on a supply run off-planet, and Skoodge…
"Huh, actually, what is Skoodge up to again?" Zim asked out loud, scratching his chin in thought as he tried to remember.
Meanwhile, Zim's Base
"Okay, Zim, I think I managed to clear out all the zombified weasels that were overrunning the lower levels of the lab!" Skoodge declared as he emerged out of the toilet elevator, uniform rather torn and disheveled. He waited for a response, only to blink and look around in confusion when he didn't get one.
"He's not here," the Computer spoke up flatly, "He took GIR and went to go do something stupid across town. I honestly think he forgot you were down there."
"Oh… that's a little disappointing," Skoodge said with a frown, but shrugged it off, "Ah well, at least I'll have a nice surprise for him when he gets back."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," the Computer commented, causing Skoodge to blink in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
BANG
Suddenly, several of the tubes and cables running through the ceiling burst open, and out poured a dozen weasels, their eyes red and bodies visibly rotting as they surrounded and glared at Skoodge.
"You missed a few," the Computer added dryly.
"…That figures," Skoodge sighed, before screaming as the zombie weasels lunged at him.
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!"
Back with Zim
"…Eh, I'm sure it's not important," Zim said after a few minutes of thought, "Now come, GIR, let us get moving and figure out the best way to destroy this filthy place!"
GIR cheered wordlessly, probably already having forgotten what his master was talking about. Beginning to hum the Doom Song, he followed after Zim as he dropped off the roof and down to the street, the pair soon dashing towards the waterpark.
Soon, this plot against him by Dib – which was definitely real and not just something that the mad Irken had imagined – would be defeated by his superior genius, and nothing would stop him!
XXXXXXX
Meanwhile, back in the park, Dib and Steve emerged from the men's changing room, having switched into their swim trunks and placed their clothes and belongings into lockers. As they walked out onto the concourse to meet up with Viera, they paused as they were greeted by the sight of a severely beat-up woman being loaded into an ambulance parked next to the women's changing room on the other side of the path.
The fact that Gaz, now wearing a black one-piece, was stomping away from the area in a huff pretty much told them what had happened.
"Do I even want to know?" Dib asked Viera with a resigned sigh as she walked over to the boys, changed into her bikini and with an annoyed look on her face.
"Some lady with an attitude made a crack about Gaz having gone into the wrong changing room, so Gaz threw her through a wall," she replied flatly, "Which, gotta say, was a little surprising. I make jokes about her looks all the time, and she just insults me back instead of doing anything that extreme."
"Well, you're her rival, she's probably more likely to take it from you than some random Karen," Steve commented with a shrug, "But, I'd prefer not to focus on Gaz's temper when we came here to have fun."
"Ditto, I get enough of that at home," Dib muttered as the trio started walking further into the park. Going with the flow of the crowds, they simply walked around, taking in the sights of the various water-themed attractions… though, Steve noted with amusement from his spot bringing up the rear, Dib and Viera seemed more interested in trying to discretely check out how each other looked in their respective swimsuits.
That camping trip a while back might now have worked out, and they'd apparently agreed that the events on the island had never happened, but maybe this time he could finally give these two the push needed to actually get together?
However, before Steve could muse on that any further, the group emerged into a wide square, where they were greeted by a somewhat… interesting sight.
"Welcome, one and all, to the greatest waterpark in the world!" declared a middle-aged and slightly overweight man in an eye-searingly bright white suit and top hat, dramatically twirling a cane while he stood on the rim of a large fountain, "I'm Fredrick Abernathy, founder and owner of Oasis Land, and I'd like to personally thank every single one of you for patronizing my money farm and massive tax write-off!"
There was an awkward silence as the crowd all stared at Abernathy, a few coughs breaking the quiet.
"Just a like joke, folks! …Mostly," Abernathy said, muttering the last part to himself before speaking up again, "But in all seriousness, welcome to our grand opening! We've assembled every water-based form of entertainment that you can imagine, all in one place for your enjoyment! But I would be remiss if I didn't point out one attraction in particular – the Hydra Slide!"
With that, he gestured into the distance behind himself, drawing everyone's attention to the far side of the park. There, looming over everything, was a massive water slide, multiple tubes wrapped around each other to create a continuous spiral from the top all the way down to a large opening shaped like a fanged maw, from which a stream of water was pouring out into a large pool surrounding the base of the slide. It was also painted an oddly sick-looking green color that made the onlookers feel strangely nauseous to look at.
"Ugh, that thing's an eyesore," Viera grimaced, many of the people in the crowd mumbling in agreement with her, "Why would anyone build something that impressive but make it look that bad?"
"To be fair, this guy seems pretty… eccentric," Steve said, after struggling for a moment to come up with the right word to describe Abernathy.
"No, my dad's eccentric. This guy's just plain weird," Dib stated flatly, watching as the park owner did a little dance, seeming to try and regain the crowd's focus and positive energy.
"Hey now, folks, looks aren't everything!" he declared, "The Hydra is the most thrilling waterslide ever created! Five solid minutes of twists and turns in near-total darkness! I tried to sell the idea to other amusement parks, but they said that it was too scary! So, does anyone here dare to give it a try, or are you all too intimidated?"
That got the crowd muttering, this time with an angrier tone, their collective ego provoked by the mockery. A great many of them stepped forward and practically charged towards the massive slide, soon leaving behind a much smaller and bemused crowd (including Dib and the twins) and a smug-looking Abernathy.
"Heh, the old blow to the pride, it never fails," he chuckled with an almost evil-sounding tone, before he seemed to remember that he still had an audience. Coughing and composing him, he turned a smile on the smaller crowd, "Well, if the rest of you aren't up to trying out the Hydra, by all means, I hope you'll still try out all our many other options for your entertainment pleasure. Have a great day, everyone!"
With that, Abernathy took a dramatic bow, before hopping off of the fountain's edge and then strolling off. The remaining crowd watched him go, then most of them shrugged and dispersed to wander away in various directions.
"That guy really seems like he should be working at a carnival, not a waterpark," Steve mused, before shaking it off, "But whatever, we've seen weirder."
"Right. As long as he doesn't turn out to be an alien or demon or something in disguise, we should be fine," Dib said with a nod, before his expression went deadpan, "And I think I probably just jinxed us…"
"Try and stay positive – we have to be due a completely normal day by now. And even if something does happen, I'm sure it's nothing we can't handle," Vieira pointed out, patting him comfortingly on the shoulder.
"Yeah, I know, next to dealing with Zim on a daily basis, I bet there's nothing here to worry about," Dib said, giving Viera a grateful smile that she returned, the two staring silently at each other for a few moments until an amused Steve cleared his throat.
"Well, with that settled, should we take a look around?" he asked, smirking as the two jumped away from each other, blushing brightly.
"Ahem, yeah, let's do that," Dib said quickly with a nervous cough. He then walked off in a random direction, an embarrassed Viera and snickering Steve following after him.
As the teens wandered off to explore the park, Zim was in another part of it, looking around nervously at the sheer amount of water surrounding him. While he had of course put on a protective covering of paste before entering this hydrophobic nightmare, it still made his skin crawl to see so much of the filthy Earth liquid everywhere he looked.
"Ugh, don't these worm-babies realize the kind of pollutants they're exposing themselves to with all these fluids?" he grumbled to himself, "Frolicking about, splashing in this filth like braindead fish, and… eh, what is this?"
Zim came to a stop as he realized that he'd come up next to a game booth, where people were shooting water guns into giant plastic fish heads to fill up the balloons attached to them. It was a perfectly normal game for this kind of setting, but Zim of course saw it as something completely different.
"Aha! Zim knew it! This is a training ground for the purpose of weaponizing water!" he declared, oblivious to the looks that he received from passersby on the path he had been walking down because of his outburst, "Well, that settles it. Zim was already going to destroy this horrendous place, but now I shall take great joy in burning it to the ground, and-!"
"I wanna play!" GIR shouted, interrupting his master and running up to an empty seat at the game booth, its operator apparently not having an issue with a talking dog choosing to play the game. Grabbing the water pistol in front of him, he started shooting into the mouth of one of the plastic fish heads, completely oblivious to how his master's eye was twitching in annoyance.
"GIR! Stop aiding the humans in testing their weapons!" Zim demanded as he stomped over to try and grab GIR. However, as he did so, his yell actually caught the robot's attention, making him turn around in his seat… with the water pistol still in his hands and still discharging.
"AAAAHHHHH!"
Which meant that the stream of water being fired by the pistol slammed right into Zim. And while his paste covering meant that it wasn't enough to harm him, the stream was still somehow strong enough to send him flying through the air and, to his immense bad luck, landing right in the artificial river. Which actually was enough water to wear away his paste and start burning him.
"AGH! AH! IT BURNS!" Zim screamed as the river's current carried him away while he thrashed in agony.
Everyone in the immediate area, both walking and also in the river, watched all this in impassive confusion, before shrugging and moving on. GIR, meanwhile, simply waved at his master's screaming form as it disappeared into the distance before turning back to his game, determined to win one of the prizes on display.
XXXXXXX
While Zim was suffering from the poor decision to come to a park dedicated to his main weakness, Team Save Earth had ended up next to a large pool and were looking around. Nominally, it was for something to do, but what Steve was hoping for was an excuse to leave these two alone together. Not seeing anything, he decided to just make one up.
"I'm going to go find a bathroom," he announced, catching the other two by surprise.
"Oh, want us to wait for you?" Viera asked.
"Nah, I'll catch up," he waved off, walking away without another word, soon disappearing in the crowd, leaving the pair standing there somewhat awkwardly.
"…He's trying to play matchmaker, isn't he?" Dib asked flatly.
"Yeah, I think so," Viera chuckled good-naturedly, "Want to let him think it's working?"
"Uh, yeah, sure. No reason not to play along," Dib said, trying to play it cool, even as they were both blushing brightly.
From behind the stand of beach umbrellas he was hiding behind, Steve smirked to himself as he watched Dib and Viera walk off.
"Okay, just a fun day by themselves. This has got to help them get together," he muttered to himself, before shaking his head, "But no, I'm not going to obsess over it. I'm going to trust that things are going to work out, and just try to have fun myself."
"Right, just forget about those two and enjoy having the day to yourself," Kleodora said from her spot reclining on a nearby pool chair, a towel wrapped around her.
"Exactly!" Steve said, nodding in agreement, only for his body to slump and his face to go deadpan as he processed who had just spoken to him, "Oh no…"
"Hey, Firm Buns, good to see you!" the dryad said cheerfully, taking a sip from a fruity drink she was holding.
"Do you even live in the forest anymore, or are you spending all your time stalking me?" Steve groaned, his good mood evaporating.
"Actually, believe it or not, I didn't know you were here, I was just bored and looking for some fun. Still, it's a happy coincidence," she replied with a smirk.
"Yeah, it's really happy," Steve grumbled.
"Aw, come on, you enjoy our time together, don't you?" Kleodora asked with a playful pout.
…The messed-up part was that Steve had to admit, despite the harassment and embarrassment, he did somewhat enjoy his encounters with the crazed dryad. Maybe he had some kind of weird Stockholm Syndrome?
Trying to not think about his probably screwed-up mentality, Steve tried to change the subject, and went for the first thing to pop into his head.
"So, since when do you have a human sense of modesty?" he asked, gesturing to the towel wrapped around her body, which he just knew from past experience was most likely otherwise uncovered except for a few leaves.
"I don't, but the people running security on this place were all a bunch of prudes who threatened to toss me out if I didn't cover up," she explained, rolling her eyes, "And yeah, I could have turned them into trees or squirrels or something, but that seemed like more of a hassle than it was worth, so I just decided to compromise."
"Oh, how terrible for you," Steve said, rolling his own eyes.
"Mmm, don't act like you're not upset that I'm covering up the goods," Kleodora purred, smirking as Steve blushed brightly.
"Ugh, well, ah…" he stammered, before shaking his head to clear it and glaring at her, "Knock it off! I'm trying to have a good day here, and I'm not in the mood for the insanity you call fun!"
"Please, we both know that you love my little games," Kleodora giggled, before gasping in excitement, "In fact, why don't we play another one!"
"…This is going to happen no matter what I say, isn't it?" Steve sighed, anger fading and being replaced with resignation. He really needed to ask Viera or Dib for magical pointers to handle this, he thought absently.
"Yep, so you might as well enjoy yourself!" she said with a smirk.
"Fine. What's the game?" he asked.
"Well, since we've already established that you just hate seeing me wrapped up in this thing… Why don't we see if you can get it off of me," she replied while patting her towel, giggling as Steve blushed brightly at this.
"Probably should have seen that coming," he muttered as he composed himself, "And I know that I'm going to regret asking, but what happens if I can't get ahold of the towel?"
In response, Kleodora snapped her fingers, causing a bright flash of light that momentarily blinded Steve. As he blinked to clear the resulting spots from his vision, his mind belatedly caught up with what had just happened, and his eyes widened in panic as his head snapped down to look at himself… and to his surprise, his swim trunks were still there, in defiance of his expectations.
"Huh, thought for sure you were going to vaporize them or… something…" Steve started to say, only to trail off as he noticed a pinprick hole in one of the swimsuit's legs that he was pretty sure hadn't been there before.
"Why rush to the fun part when I can take my time and enjoy myself?" Kleodora asked with a smirk, "Every time that you fail to snag my towel, I'll put a hole in those trunks. Think you can win before I do enough damage to destroy them completely?"
"Guess, we'll just have to see, won't we?" Steve said with a firm nod… before giving a wordless cry and trying to tackle her, only for her to effortlessly slip out of the way and dodge, causing him to trip over the chair and tumble into the nearby pool with a splash.
"You always try the surprise lunge first," Kleodora laughed as she leaned over the pool, smirking down at Steve as he resurfaced. As he spat out water and gasped for breath, she snapped her finger again, putting another hole in his trunks with another flash of light.
"You're gonna have to do better than that, Firm Buns," she said with another giggle, before turning and running off in a random direction.
Logically, Steve knew that he should take this opportunity to run for it himself, rather than play this ridiculous game. But he also knew that if he tried, she'd probably just consider that forfeiting and teleport him naked into the middle of the park or something. So, it was probably best to just play along while he had the slim chance of winning, he thought as he pulled himself out of the pool and ran after Kleodora.
XXXXXXX
While Steve was dealing with his dryad stalker, Dib and Viera were enjoying their time alone together elsewhere in the park. Which mostly consisted of walking in random directions and making small talk while awkwardly trying to check each other out without being too blatant about it.
So caught up in this as they were, they failed to notice that they were heading in the direction of the Hydra Slide, until its shadow had fallen over them. Stopping in surprise at that, they looked around to see that they were now standing next to the pool at the slide's base, the mouth-shaped bottom opening looming over them.
"Seriously, why is this thing such a draw? It's making my skin crawl just being this close to it," Viera said with a shudder. Dib, meanwhile, frowned as her comment started some gears in his brain, his analytical mind nagging at him that something wasn't adding up.
Eyes darting about, he took in the large line of people heading up to the top of the Hydra Slide in order go down it. Then he looked around at the pool, where everyone who had come down was lounging… or rather, where everyone was supposed to be.
"There's a lot less people down here than you'd expect," he said out loud, catching Viera's attention. Blinking, she glanced at him, before looking around at the pool and frowning in thought.
"Huh, you're right," she muttered, "Even if not everyone sticks around after coming down, there's way too few here for how many are going up."
With that, they both glanced up to the top of the slide, just in time to see the person at the head of the line to jump into the start of the slide, which like the one on the bottom was also shaped like a fanged mouth. The pair turned their attention to that lower opening, and waited patiently for the participant to reemerge out of it… which didn't happen, even after several solid minutes of waiting. In fact, the next time someone came sliding out, it wasn't the guy they'd been waiting for, but a woman who'd apparently gone in after him while they'd been waiting for him to show up.
"Okay, that tears it, there's definitely something going on here!" Dib declared, "I don't know what, but there must be something happening inside the slide to some of the people going into it!"
"Ugh, of course there is. Why can't we ever just get a normal day?" Viera groaned, shaking her head, "Okay, so, do we have a plan? Or are we just rushing in?"
"First thing's first, we need to clear these people out of here for their own protection," Dib stated, rubbing his chin in thought. Though before he could come up with something on his own, an opportunity presented itself.
"Nachos! Get your free Opening Day nachos!" a park employee called out as he walked by the pair, pushing a food cart.
"Free nachos?! Out of my way!" someone on the Hydra Slide's line shouted excitedly, before the whole crowd stampeded down the stairs and towards the nacho cart. Before long, the whole mob were angrily crawling all over each other, the cart operator using a crowbar he had for some reason to hold them off into some kind of order as he tried to put together their food at a reasonable pace.
"…That was convenient," Dib said, after he and Viera spent a few moments staring at the spectacle in disbelief, before shaking his head and adding, "But let's not waste the opportunity. I'll go grab some supplies I left with my clothes in the changing room, you stay here and make sure no one else goes up there until I get back."
"You just happened to bring stuff for an investigation with you on what was supposed to be a day off?" Viera asked with an arched brow.
"Considering how often we end up running into messes no matter where we go or what we do, it seemed like a good idea," Dib replied, "You telling me you didn't do the same thing?"
"Er, well, just my amulet," Viera admitted with a slight embarrassed grimace, gesturing to the jewelry hanging from her neck, "But, point taken. Go get your stuff, I'll keep an eye on things here."
Dib nodded, then turned and ran back in the direction of the changing rooms as fast as he could, leaving Viera to take a stance at the foot of the stairs leading up the slide.
"Okay, this is simple," she muttered, "Just have to keep watch, and make sure no one goes up this thing. Which shouldn't be too hard, since everyone who was interested is more focused on those nachos, but-"
"So now you're talking to yourself too? Looks like you've been hanging out with Dib too much," Gaz scoffed, having walked up from behind her, making Viera jump in surprise.
"Don't do that!" Viera snapped, which Gaz simply rolled her eyes at.
"Learn to pay attention to your surroundings," she said derisively, before trying to walk past Viera, whose eyes widened as she realized that Gaz was heading towards the Hydra Slide's stairs. Acting on instinct, she grabbed the other girl by the arm, causing her to stop in shock at the audacity of the move.
"What do you think you're doing?" Gaz growled, glaring at Viera.
"You can't go up there," Viera replied firmly – she might not remotely like Gaz, but she felt just enough of a moral obligation to try and talk her out of potentially risking her life with whatever was happening on the slide. If nothing else, she knew that Dib would care, and she wanted to spare him from having to deal with that.
"Tch, please. Just because you're enough of a wimp to be scared by this thing, doesn't mean I am," Gaz spat, yanking her arm free from Viera's grip.
"That's not what I meant. Just listen to me, you stubborn- OOF!" Viera tried to protest, only for Gaz to suddenly punch her in the stomach.
"Don't try to tell me what to do, bitch," Gaz snarled, as Viera doubled over in pain and fell to her knees. Then, apparently deciding that that was the end of the conversation, she turned and walked away without another word, ascending the stairs and leaving Viera on the ground.
"Ugh, fucking psycho," Viera grumbled as she slowly got back to her feet with a wince. Yeah, she'd be feeling that for a while…
"Viera! Are you alright?!" Dib called out as he ran back up, carrying a bag with him, "What happened?"
"What happened is that your sister is a bitch who doesn't want to listen to what other people have to say," Viera said in a flat tone, gesturing to her quickly-forming bruise before pointing upwards.
"Wait, what?!" Dib exclaimed, head snapping upwards just in time to spy Gaz's distinctive hair as she jumped into the slide's entrance, "Oh no, no, no!"
"Calm down, whatever's going on in there, she'll probably just scare it off," Viera muttered, turning to look at the slide exit, waiting to see Gaz come flying out… but like with the guy that they'd noticed before, nothing happened.
"Or not," Viera admitted, eyes widening slightly while Dib turned pale.
"Shit!" he yelled, "Come on! We have to figure out how to save her!"
"Do we have to?" Viera asked, the pain throbbing in her stomach and the resulting anger over it overriding her sense of ethics for a moment, "Because I just got a firsthand reminder that she's a horrible person that I don't like and don't particularly want to save. And don't just say that it's because she's your sister, because she never cares about those kind of family ties."
Dib actually paused to consider that for a moment, but shook his head and gave her a firm look.
"No, we're not sinking to that level," he said, "Besides, it's not just Gaz in trouble; how many other people might be stuck in there. And even setting that aside, if Gaz doesn't come back, Dad will somehow find a way to blame me for it."
"Fine, but if she turns out to be completely ungrateful about whatever we have to go through to help her, I reserve the right to say I told you so," Viera stated.
"Fair enough. Let's go," Dib said as they started to move. He briefly considered trying to find Steve to get his help, but he didn't know if they had the time to track him down, not when they didn't know what was happening inside the slide.
Besides, Dib figured, no reason why at least one of them couldn't have a good time today.
Meanwhile
"You're really not good at physical sports, huh, Firm Buns?" Kleodora giggled as she sat atop a short wall separating a small arena-like area where people were throwing water balloons at each other from the rest of the park.
"This isn't a sport, this is just you messing with me," Steve panted from his spot a few feet away, bent over with his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. His swim trunks were by now riddled with holes, a testament to all his many failed attempts to snatch Kleodora's towel.
"Come on, you can't say that you're not having fun," the nymph said with a smirk.
"Yeah, what's not fun about spending my day off chasing you all over the place and risking public humiliation if I don't catch you?" Steve grumbled.
"Hmph, life without a little risk is boring, and you know it," Kleodora waved him off, "But hey, if you want to just give up now, that's fine t-"
"Aha!" Steve yelled, leaping up towards her, trying to take advantage of her being distracted by talking. However, this worked about as well as any of his previous attempts at sneak attacks, as she simply slid slightly to the side, very casually putting herself out of his way and causing him to hit the top of the wall and bounce off with a grunt, landing in a heap on the other side.
"Ugh, why do I keep thinking that'll work?" he grunted as he pulled himself up, not even bothering to check to see the newest hole put in his trunks as a flash of light surrounded him. And then a water balloon got randomly tossed at his head by one of the people running around the arena, as if to punctuate his run of bad luck.
"Well, glad to see you're willing to keep the fun going," Kelodora said with a smirk, before hopping off of the wall and running off. Groaning, Steve ran after her yet again.
Shortly after the pair disappeared from sight, Zim stumbled around a corner in the opposite direction, having finally managed to pull himself out of the artificial river. He was burned all over by immersion in the water, though his PAK was already hard at work repairing the damage. Not that that helped much with the pain, of course.
"Ah, ah, ah… Zim will burn this whole filthy place to ground and build a garbage dump on top of it just so that I can blow that up too!" he snarled as he braced himself against the arena wall, "And then I'll fill the crater with dead fish and bugs and sewage, then pave it all over with concrete! And then-!"
"Heads up!" a voice calling out from inside the arena cut off Zim's rant, making him blink and look around in confusion.
"Eh?" he questioned, before a water balloon that had been thrown too hard came flying over the arena's wall, landing right on Zim's head.
"AHHH! Ambush!" Zim screamed at the renewed burning, running off in blind panic and pain. Once again, everyone else just watched in bemusement as this happened, but no one particularly caring what was happening as he ran about for several minutes-
WHAM
Until he slammed into something. Specifically, a glass dunking booth, which cracked upon impact, and almost immediately burst open, spilling its contents. Before long, the tank was complete empty, the park employee seated atop it blinking and looking down in confusion as Zim squirmed and screamed in the new puddle on the ground.
"Hey! That's destruction of park property!" the park employee manning the ticket stand for the destroyed dunk booth, "Security! Grab that punk!"
"Eh?" Zim looked up, snapped from his pain at hearing the threat aimed in his direction. And upon seeing several large burly security guards advancing on him, he did the logical thing for once in his life – which is to say, jumped to his feet and ran for his life.
"You'll never take Zim alive!" he shouted over his shoulder as he bolted through the crowds, the guards right behind.
XXXXXXX
Meanwhile, back at the Hydra Slide, Dib and Viera had climbed to the top and were now standing on the platform surrounding the entry point, the artificial maw looming over them. Dib had several scanners and other devices strapped to his body, and a rope tied around his waist that Viera was securing to the sturdiest base that she could find. Which in this case meant a stand selling balloons set up near the entrance, with an "Out for lunch" sign explaining the absence of anyone manning it.
Why there was a stand selling anything at the start of the ride, neither had any idea, but they had more important things to worry about right now.
"Okay, so let's go over the plan again," Dib said, after everything was properly secured, "I'll go in there, get a scan of the slide's interior to figure out what's going on, and with any luck see if I can save Gaz or the others who have been taken."
"And if anything goes wrong, you send me a signal and I pull you out with the rope," Viera added with a nod, tapping the earbud communicator she was wearing to match one Dib had.
"Right. So, let's do this!" Dib said. Taking a deep breath to brace himself, he then dove into the slide's entrance.
For a few moments, Viera was left standing there in silence as the rope unfurled next to her, then her earpiece crackled to life.
"Okay, so far so good!" Dib's voice called out, raised higher than normal to be heard over the sound of rushing air and water, "And I gotta say, this would be pretty fun under normal circumstances!"
"Dude, focus, we have a job to do," Viera chided, "Are the scanners working?"
"Yeah, and I'm getting some weird readings. I've never seen… wait, what the?!" Dib replied, only to suddenly yell.
"Dib? Dib?! Are you okay?!" Viera called out, concern and panic growing at not just Dib's sounds of distress, but how the rope suddenly started jerking around, as if he were suddenly banging around on the other end. Cursing, she grabbed the rope and pulled back on it to try and yank Dib back up.
SNAP
And then the rope snapped apart, the sudden loss of resistance sending Viera flying back to slam into the balloon stand.
"Ugh, should have used nylon instead of rope," she muttered as she started to get back up, only to pause and blink in confusion as she saw that the strings of several balloons had somehow ended up wrapped up and entangled in both pieces of her bikini, "How the hell…?"
"Viera, can you hear me?" Dib's voice called out of her earbud, immediately gaining her full attention and making her forget about the balloons for the moment.
"Dib? Are you alright? The rope snapped," she asked, breathing a sigh of relief that he was at least talking again.
"Yeah, I'm good now, I got spat out into the pool," he replied, "But something tried grabbing me when I was in there, and it didn't feel artificial."
"So, there's something alive in there?" she mused with a thoughtful frown, "Well, at least that gives us something to work with. Want to come back up here and try something else?"
"Yeah, uh, I kinda can't leave the pool right now," Dib said awkwardly, making Viera blink in confusion, "See, whatever it was didn't manage to get ahold of me, but, um, it did grab my swim trunks, so…"
"…You're naked again, aren't you?" Viera asked, unable to resist a giggle and blush as she imagined Dib cowering in the water to avoid anyone noticing his situation, "Kinda becoming a theme with you, isn't it?"
"I could say the same to you!" Dib snapped defensively. Now, Viera blushed for a different reason as she stood up, instinctively pushing the balloon stand away as she did so.
"I think that's an exaggeration-" she started to say, only to be distracted by several snapping sounds and a sudden draft. Blinking in confusion, she looked around, and her face turned bright red as she realized that pushing the cart away had made the balloon strings tangled in her bikini go taut, and somehow, in total defiance of physics, this had caused her bikini to tear off. And before she could even process this, the balloons in question also tore free of their secured bases on the cart and floated away, taking her swimsuit with them.
"Oh, come on! That doesn't even make sense!" she exclaimed as she covered herself with her arms. And then froze as she heard voices from the stairs leading up to the platform she was on.
"Well, those were great nachos, but now I wanna ride the slide!"
"Me too! Race you to the top!"
"Ha! I'll beat you both up there!"
Somehow, Viera managed to both blush in embarrassment and pale in terror at the same time. Not seeing any other options to avoid the impending humiliation, the young sorceress did the only thing she could think of.
"I'm coming down!" she shouted, diving towards the slide's entrance.
"Wait, what?!" Dib exclaimed over their comms, but by that time, Viera had already entered the slide and was now dropping down the twisting and turning tubes. She didn't know what she'd do once she was in the pool, but she figured she'd deal with that once she got there…
"AH!"
And then she suddenly stopped short as something slimy suddenly wrapped around her waist, grabbing ahold of her and slamming her against the wall of the tube.
"Ack! What?!" she exclaimed, looking around in the near-total darkness to try and see what was happening. Having an idea, she grabbed her amulet (glad that that at least hadn't been lost to the balloons) and chanted a spell, causing it to start glowing brightly like a flashlight. Waving it around, she took in her surroundings, and her eyes widened in shock.
The interior of the tube didn't look like metal. Instead, it was fleshy and organic, with numerous tendrils of some kind emerging from the walls to wave about, one of which was wrapped around her and holding her in place. And even more disturbing, there were several large person-sized lumps stuck to the wall at various points, which suggested that whatever this thing was, it was grabbing people up and cocooning them, probably for digestion.
And judging by how the flesh starting to crawl over her lower legs, she was next.
"Shit!" she cursed, starting to panic. Acting purely on instinct, she switched spells, going from light to fire and unleashing a torrent of flames on her surroundings, burning through her organic bindings.
"SKREEEEE!"
And then she was nearly deafened by a massive shrieking sound.
"What the-? Ah!" she questioned, only to yelp and lose her delicate balance as the tube started shaking. Falling on her ass, she resumed moving down the slide, and soon found herself shooting out of the ride's exit and falling into the pool at the bottom with a splash.
"Ugh, that sucked," she muttered as she resurfaced, making sure to keep everything below the neck hidden under the way.
"Viera! Are you alright?" Dib called as he swam towards her, only to pause midway and blush as he saw how she was holding herself, "Uh, wait. Are you…?"
"Yes, please don't make a scene and call attention to it," she begged with a blush of her own, "And besides, we have bigger problems."
As if to punctuate her point, there was another screech, followed by a rumbling sound that drew everyone's attention to the Hydra Slide. As the crowd watched, the whole structure shook, the paint covering it cracking and falling off to reveal not metal but green scaled flesh underneath. In particular, the mouth-shaped entrance and exit openings burst apart to reveal that they were actual mouths, set in serpentine heads with golden eyes that were wide with rage.
"SKREEEEE!" the two-headed beast roared again as it shook off the remains of the slide structure, sending the people waiting on the line flying while it tore its huge clawed feet out of the concrete ground they were buried in and raised both heads high.
"I don't believe this – it's an actual hydra?!" Dib exclaimed in disbelief.
"Where the hell did that come from?!" Viera shouted in a similar tone.
"Hey! What did you kids do to my slide?!" Fredrick Abernathy yelled as he ran up to the pool and glared down at the two teens, "Why did you wake up the hydra?!"
"Wait a minute, you knew what this thing was?" Dib demanded with a glare, "Why would you use it as a ride?!"
"Of course I did, this is my park!" Abernathy scoffed, "And luring that thing here and putting it into a hibernation state that only required feeding on a percentage of the people who pass through it to maintain was still a lot cheaper than building an actual ride from scratch!"
"…You've got to be kidding me," Viera said flatly, "You've been sacrificing people just to save a buck, you psycho?!"
"Yeah, well, uh… you're both naked in public, so that gives me the moral high ground!" Abernathy declared, making the two blush brightly at the reminder, "And I hope you like being like that, because once I'm done suing you for damaging my property, you won't even be able to avoid rags! And then-!"
Whatever Abernathy was going to say was interrupted as one of the hydra's mouths suddenly swept down and snatched him up, swallowing him whole, leaving Dib and Viera blinking in surprise at the unexpected action. Then, while they were trying to process what they'd just seen, the hydra screeched again and started stomping around.
Miraculously, for once people seemed to actually acknowledge the paranormal threat in front of them, the crowd screaming and running away, soon leaving Dib and Viera alone in the pool as the hydra rampaged around the area, not seeming to have noticed them yet.
"Okay, got any ideas on how to stop this thing? Because I'm drawing a blank," Viera admitted.
Dib frowned in thought at, mind whirling as he tried to figure out how they could handle this situation before anyone else got hurt, and hopefully save the people already devoured. Before he could think of anything, however, a familiar annoying voice called out to him.
"Dib-Stink!"
Blinking, Dib and Viera turned to see a scorched and roughed up-looking Zim stumbling towards them.
"Zim? What are you doing here?" Dib demanded with a groan, because this was just what he needed on top of everything else.
"Hehe, you thought you could weaponize water against Zim and get away with it?" Zim asked with a deranged smirk, "Well, you've failed! Zim has overcome all of this awful place's challenges, and now I shall-!"
Much like Abernathy before him, Zim was cut off mid-rant as one of the hydra's heads swept down and snatched him up, swallowing him whole while he barely had a chance to scream.
"…I feel like I shouldn't be so accepting of how that keeps happening," Dib commented after a moment. He then tensed as the hydra's heads turned to glare at him and Viera, only for the monster to suddenly pause. And to the teens' surprise, its faces screwed up in nauseous-looking expressions, it green scales turning purple.
"The hell? Is it… getting sick?" Viera asked in confusion.
"I think it might be having a bad reaction to eating Zim," Dib commented. At Viera's incredulous look, he held up his hands defensively, "Hey, it's happened before. His skin was literally toxic to a monster lice queen!"
Viera stared at him, but before she could question that statement, the hydra gave a pained roar. As they watched, the discoloration spread to its whole body, which started bubbling like molten liquid.
BAM
And then, without warning, the entire monster exploded, splattering flesh-colored goo all over the park. For a few minutes afterwards, there was a stunned silence as they processed what had just happened.
"…Well, that was unexpected," Viera said after regaining her composure, "So, make a run for our clothes in the lockers and then pretend this never happened?"
"Sure… wait! What about Gaz and everyone else that thing ate?" Dib exclaimed. As if on cue, moans and groans started filling the air, and a look around showed that people were starting to emerge out of the goo, disoriented but seemingly not harmed.
"Well, that takes care of that. Now, can we please go before people start coming back here and see us?" Viera pleaded.
Not seeing any further reason to protest, Dib agreed. The two quickly swam to the edge of the pool and climbed out, carefully avoiding looking at each other as they grabbed nearby discarded towels to cover up with, before running in the direction of the locker rooms.
Meanwhile, Kleodora stood nearby, watching all of this with an arched eyebrow.
"Huh, wonder where that guy got a hydra from?" she muttered, scratching her head in thought as she took in the remains of the exploded beast… and then she yelped as Steve tackled her from behind, taking advantage of her being momentarily distracted to finally catch her.
"Aha! Finally!" he exclaimed, grabbing her towel and tearing it away, "It's finally over!"
"Yep, I'd say it definitely is," the nymph replied, regaining a smirk as her surprise faded.
Steve stared at her, not getting her meaning, only to freeze as his swim trunks – by now, composed more of holes than actual fabric – finally gave up the ghost and fell apart completely, leaving him now just as naked as Kleodora.
"Dammit," he grumbled, instinctively dropping the towel to cover himself with his hands and blushing. The latter of which only grew as nearby onlookers, who had come over to see what the commotion with the Hydra Slide was about, caught sight of him and burst out laughing.
"Ha! Was the water in the pool too cold, dude?" one guy asked around his laughs.
"I think using both hands to cover up is overkill, 'little man'!" a girl added around a cackle.
Steve groaned and slumped in embarrassment, not even having the energy left to even run away. Seeing this, Kleodora turned to the onlookers with a glare and snapped her fingers.
FLASH
"AAAHHH!"
And with a flash of light, the jeering crowd's clothes all disappeared, leaving them all naked as well. Screaming in humiliation, they all ran off to seek shelter, all of them soon being laughed at and mocked in return.
Satisfied by this, she turned back to Steve, who looked both surprised and a little amused by what had just happened.
"Well, that was fun. Want to go find a private place to make out?" she asked with a wide smile.
"…Sure, why not?" he replied with a shrug, too exhausted to put up much resistance at this point. With that, the two walked off to find some privacy for some fun of their own.
Meanwhile, back at the site of the defeated hydra, Gaz pushed herself up out of the gooey remains.
"Ugh, what happened?" she muttered, looking around in confusion.
"Oh my god!" one of the onlookers who had gathered in the area suddenly shouted, pointing at Gaz, "It's that hairless monkey that escaped from the zoo!"
"What?" Gaz echoed in disbelief. Looking herself over, she cursed – while she somehow hadn't been physically harmed by the hydra's digestive track, it had still managed to dissolve her swimsuit and hair, leaving her naked and bald, just like what had happened to her that time that everyone else was stuck on that island. And just like that time, this was somehow leading to people thinking that she was a hairless monkey.
"It must have done something to wreck the slide!" another bystander yelled, "Quick, catch it before it does any more damage!"
"For fuck's sake! I'm not a-!"
FWIP
"Gurgle-gargle…" Gaz slurred nonsensically before falling on her face, rendered unconscious by a tranquilizer dart now sticking out of her neck.
"Wow, good thing the city insisted we carry our equipment at all times, even when we're off duty," an Animal Control agent wearing swim trunks and holding a dart gun stated as he and his partner walked up to the knocked-out Gaz.
"Yep. Now c'mon, let's get this ugly thing back to the zoo," the partner stated, holding up a net that Gaz was quickly wrapped up and carried away in.
As this was happening, GIR wandered onto the scene, happily sipping on a slushie. Walking through the piles of goo, he came across one where Zim was lying, looking the worse for wear after his experience. Not least of all since this particular pile of goo appeared to have come from the lower end of the digestive track, and still contained everything that entailed.
"Are you having a good time?" GIR asked his master cheerfully, oblivious as always to the situation.
"We shall never speak of this again," Zim ordered weakly.
"Yay!"
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
The End
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
A/N: And done. Hope you all enjoyed – especially Cowardly Christian, for whom this is coming out on his birthday. Happy B-day, CC, and hope you liked the story.
BTW, in case it wasn't clear, anyone not being picked by the hydra to be kept and digested was passing through its body and back out its other mouth.
Anyway, again, hope you enjoyed it, and if you did, please review!
