August 21th, 1800

...

This is outrageous.

You should stay at home. Mom's not well and she needs you.

No, she doesn't. What she really needs is a doctor, or one of my siblings, but not me.

It's been like this for weeks. What else do they want me to do other than keep her company? Right now, I'd rather be on my own. I got away from home and I won't go back until I can listen to my own thoughts without hearing someone else's voice over mine. It's my life, my mind, my body, but they don't care to listen. They just don't care!

As long as I am the daughter of my mother, flesh of her flesh, it's my obligation to offer support, manage the finances, buy ailments, water the garden and all these routine tasks are wearing me out. Enough is enough, and today, I have reached my breaking point. I won't go back home, not empty-handed. The first thing I do as soon as I arrive in the market area is to enter the synthesis shop. There, I'm received by Gray, who is surprised that a young maiden like me has made an appearance in a place like that. To be fair, he did not say any of those things, but the way he looked at me gave the impression that he wanted to say something he'd regret saying for his entire lifetime.

Besides, most of his clients are women who lost their husbands, their children, their friends, their dignity, everything during war. I should be glad I still got mom, as long as she is alive because I don't know if she will make it to tomorrow. The doctor said that he had drained enough water from her lungs to fill two buckets, and I don't know why he had to inform me of such unpleasant details. Sometimes I wish I were ignorant enough not to understand what's going on, but I also wouldn't like to be brainless enough to allow others to manipulate me so easily.

"I want to kill an Ironite", I said, to which Gray just nodded at me.

"Alright. Where did you get these?", he asked as soon as I gave him a gauntlet and a pair of boots he seemed familiar with. "Battle Boots and a Venetia Shield. You'd have to kill someone to get one of these".

"Freya gave them to me", I told the truth and everything that happened in my life so far, from renting a new house to mom getting sick and in a desperate attempt to balance the income and my will to live altogether, I became a Dragoon.

Or, I could have just said that Lady Crescent felt pity for me, perhaps she saw a bit of herself in me, and decided to offer some of her equipment to such a nobody. She also suggested that I visit the synthesis shop, and so I did. Gray listened to my ramblings and he said it would take half an hour until my new item got completed, so I waited patiently while looking at the weapons hanging on the walls. Swords, javelins, arrows, and none of them are cheap. After a while, I paid 24,000 gil for a cold Bracer to be worn in my left arm. It looks so silly, but it might be useful to enhance my throwing ability, as Gray explained.

How come we use magic in all sorts of ways and yet so many people die? It makes no sense, and such are the thoughts of a young talking rat trying to make sense of things far too beyond her comprehension. Eh, whatever, when I become a full-time Dragoon, I want to fight for this country, not for my own insanity.