My pocket's screaming. Dex is in the living room listening to Resurrection by Arceus Apostle; he seemed interested in that record in particular and it's one of the more accessible albums in my collection, so I hope he's not bored. Right now, Barry's toiling away at his stew while I'm sitting here grabbing fistfuls of my jeans, trying not to smoke my nerves away.
"Glen?" Barry calls. "Come and help me a sec."
I sigh and plod to the messy kitchen counter.
"How's it looking?" I ask, as if I have any reason to doubt Barry's cooking.
"Just about ready."
Steam plumes as Barry removes the pot lid. A sea of golden-brown broth simmers in it, with islands of potato chunks and carrots poking out. Barry tries it, hums, and aims another spoonful at my mouth.
I stare at the spoon. Dex is still in the other room. I gently pry the spoon off of Barry's hands and he deflates a little. I lift it to my mouth and… what else did I expect from him but perfection?
"It's nice!" Barry perks up as I smack my mouth. "Very salty, though."
"I mean, Bunnelby is gamey."
"I didn't know if you could even get it in the city."
"There are butchers in Circhester." He shrugs. "You can imagine they're pretty tucked away, though. Kinda expensive, too–" he shakes his head–"anyway, we should dish up."
I grunt an agreement and fetch the bowls for Barry to serve. It almost scalds my hands as we bring it to the dining table, then we sit opposite. Since we bought this table second-hand, we've used it a grand total of nine times for its actual purpose. The rest of the time, it's been used for tabletop games. I hope we can use it more with Dex around.
He hasn't agreed to anything yet. He might not after tonight. Telling Dex about Barry could go one of two ways, and I feel like it'll go south, despite Hammer's reassurance.
I can't keep thinking about what-if's, though; all that matters is the here and now. Deep breaths. I can do this.
"Dex?" I call. "Dinner's ready!"
Five seconds later and he still hasn't come. He probably can't hear me through the blaring music, not that I can blame him since Phoenix's Flight is playing. That's the best song on an album full of bangers. One peek in the living room shows me Dex's fully lost in the music, charging around the room and punching the air in an imaginary slam dance.
I know dinner's ready, but I don't have the heart to tell him to knock it off. This kid's born for the freaking pit.
Dex notices me and stops to catch his breath. I turn the sound system down just a little.
"Hey, kid," I say. "Stew's on."
His eyes sparkle beneath the ceiling lamp. He scoots past me, almost slipping on the kitchen tiles as he stops. Barry's right there, waving at him.
"Hey, Dex, right?" Barry says. "Gosh, it's nice to meet you at last!"
Dex squints. Right, I forget he probably can't understand human speech that well, though he must recognise his own name.
"C'mon, join us while it's hot," I say in our own tongue. It's weird to speak it around Barry, but that's the least weird thing about this whole situation.
Dex climbs up to the seat next to me where the booster is, and leans to my side.
"That's the weirdo human," he whispers.
Of course that's his first impression of Barry. Barry's none the wiser as he fiddles with his beard. C'mon, man, say something. He doesn't. I think he's frozen up.
Whatever, I can't wait for Barry to make the first steps here. I need to help both of them along the way.
"Dex, this is Barry. He's–" I cut myself off, careful with what I'm about to say next–"this is that special someone I mentioned, the one that plays music."
"Oh." Dex fiddles with his hands. "I didn't know you had a trainer."
"He's not," I say more severely than I mean to.
So many people have made that mistake about us, including other Pokemon. At no point have we discussed that as a possibility, not even as a convenient way to introduce us to people who aren't used to humans and Pokemon just being friends.
"Well," I take the scalding bowl, "let's try what he's made for us."
I start shovelling spoonfuls of Barry's stew, and Barry does the same, though he shields his beard as he eats. Dex reluctantly joins in, forgoing the spoon and eating straight from the bowl. I'm not going to lecture him on table manners.
"Mmm," Dex hums as he sips.
"Does he like it?" Barry asks.
Dex's slurping fills the blanks. I take a meaty glob of Bunnelby mixed with chunks of veg. The saltiness of the meat mixes so well with the heartiness of the stew-soaked potatoes and the sweetness of the onions.
"Compliments to the chef," I say as I point the spoon at Barry.
"Mmm hmm!" Dex slams the bowl down, leaving behind a stewy moustache. The kid's finished half of it already. "He's good. Some trainers cooked nice things, but not like this." He tilts his head. "And he plays music?"
"He does. He wants to be a guitarist some day, but he has a little bit of stage fright. You still wanna be in a band, right?"
"Yes and no?" Barry dabs his mouth with some kitchen roll. "I like the idea, but I also like having control over my own music. It's pretty easy to fill in drums with a DAW."
I won't bother explaining that last part to Dex. "He thinks about playing in a band sometimes."
"A band?"
"Yeah, imagine having four Master Pillars playing different instruments."
"Oh, okay." At least he's making eye contact with Barry now. Barry straightens his back too. I knew talking about music would get him to thaw.
"Did you like Arceus Apostle?" Barry asks.
I interpret, to which Dex nods.
"Good! I thought it would've been too heavy for you, but they're one of the classics. Glen's got good taste."
I'll have to get used to repeating the same thing twice, but it doesn't seem to stop Dex talking to Barry as he's leaning on the table.
"Did you two have a good day?" Barry asks.
Dex nods. "We went to this really big house, though it looked really empty even with all this stuff in it."
"It's one of those super minimalist houses, the types rich folks usually get."
"Gotcha." Barry grumbles. "I'm not a big fan of those, though Glen's told me a few stories about the places he's been to and they sound nicer. I hope you're enjoying it at the Mach n' Van."
"It's cool." Dex glances between both of us. "So if you're not his trainer, are you two friends?"
The chunks of Bunnelby sit like stones in my stomach, and I'm suddenly really thirsty, either that or my throat has shrivelled like a Cacnea. I'm the one who has to speak up. I'm the only one that can. But the words don't come out.
Calloused fingertips brush my own. Barry's reaching out across the table to hold my hand. In front of Dex. He's always so warm.
Barry's trying. I have to try too.
"Are you close friends?" Dex asks, staring at our hands.
I slowly nod. "You could say that."
"How did you meet?"
"At one of those gigs I mentioned. The Cave."
It's still fresh in my mind. One night in between the supporting act and the headliner, Melting Nanab, I popped outside the entrance for a smoke. This was before more Pokemon started flocking to the club, so most humans gawked at me while I lit up. I had nobody else to talk to, but I'd spent so long enjoying my own company that I didn't care.
Then I met Barry, back when he was a little chubbier and still on cigarettes. He asked me for a light since he forgot his. Nobody had asked me that before. We smoked next to each other in silence for a little bit, then he started complaining about the mixing. I had no idea what that was, but I knew the supporting band sounded like crap, so I asked him what he meant and he was happy to blab about how much reverb there was.
He never talked down to me even as he went into such technical detail. I was so used to humans doing that and being on my guard. And the way he looked at me as well with those kind, brown eyes; he just saw me the way I was. Not as a Machoke. As myself.
Even in this room, across the table, he still looks at me the same way. How on earth do I get Dex to understand that?
Dex searches both of us. What for? How our hands grip each other, perhaps? Or the way we just looked at each other, the way I look at Barry as if I can't wait to pull him closer? Who knows? But Dex finds something there as realisation creeps up on his face.
"Oh." He blinks. "Wait… you're like, um, Tackle and Bait."
"And who are they?"
"The Sawk and Throh in my dwelling. They're nice and fish a lot, they're always holding hands, and they look at each other like they're both going crazy." He frowns at Barry. "But he's a human."
I should've expected this. The stony feeling curdles into a stomach ache, which I try to suppress as Barry wrings my hand tighter. He's got my back.
There is no best way. Just the most honest way. Besides, Dex deserves an explanation after putting two and two together like that. Sharp kid.
"Yeah, me and Barry are together. Like those Bait and Tackle guys."
Dex's frown stays etched on his face, one of confusion, which I'll take over disgust.
"How does that work?"
I don't even know what he means by that, but I'll just roll with it. "I dunno. When we met at The Cave, we were just friends, at first. Then we really got to know each other, and I felt like Barry was someone really special to me. Is there anyone you like like that, back at your dwelling?"
"There's one other Machop, but I don't think she likes me back," Dex's tensed lips relax a little. "Is that normal, humans and Pokemon?"
"No." I take a deep breath. "A lot of people don't like the idea. Hate it even. And for good reason. You wouldn't wanna fall in love with your trainer, like you wouldn't with your parents."
"Ew." Dex sticks out his tongue. "But he's not your trainer."
I suppress a sigh. Not going to lie, it gets tiring having to repeat it, but I need to make it crystal clear to Dex that what we have is built on mutual trust. "No."
"So it's fine for you two."
"Yeah." I smile at Barry. I think he's happy to let me drive the wheel from the way he smiles back. "We both pay rent. We both clean up after each other. We both give each other space when we need it." I release my grip and turn, nursing my knuckles. "But not everyone sees it like that."
It's hard not to think about all the shit that happened before I met Barry. There was Axel at The Stantler's Bust. That pub was a freaking dive, alright, but I didn't care since Axel smelled so good, like oran zest and woodsmoke, and he was well toned from all the running he did. I scoured through a hundred dives to meet someone like him, and would've scoured through a hundred more.
We got caught kissing behind the slot machines, of all places to get caught. Axel took the heat for it as those shitty pub mates of his all turned on him; one even threw a pint glass at his head, and it wasn't even meant to knock him out, but he got a whole damn concussion from it. When I turned up to his hospital with cans of Psycho Soda, he just told me to get out.
We haven't seen or spoken to each other since.
I'll never tell Dex what I went through to get to this stage. He doesn't need to know. All he needs to know is the love and kindness Barry and I have to share.
The clock ticks on. Dex uses that space to finish the rest of his bowl, chugging it down in one go. Fucking hell, he demolished that. Finally, he wipes the rest from his mouth.
"I think I get it. Some in our dwelling don't like Bait and Tackle bein' together, but I think they're wrong. They wanna have a little Sawk or Throh together too." Dex tilts his head. "Wait, can you make eggs together?"
I slap my maw, doing my damndest to suppress a chuckle as Barry furrows his bushy eyebrows. I shouldn't laugh since it's a fair question, and one that's the most pressing to answer.
"No, that's why we wanted to adopt in the first place." I inch closer to Dex and take a deep breath. "Look, Dex, I meant what I said earlier. I really want you in my life. But I need you to tell me whether or not you like the idea of being raised by me and Barry. I know you said you don't need new parents, though."
"The human's nice…" Dex's voice trails off. I can't begin to imagine what he's going through, or what he's trying to process. "This whole thing is weird."
I was afraid of that. I wash the lump in my throat down with some water. "How so?"
"It's… this place. The city's loud. You can't just fight any Pokemon you see either."
"There are other Pokemon like you. There are places you can battle in the city."
Dex bats my side with the flat of his hand. I don't get what he's trying to tell me.
"I like speaking with our hands, like we used to. I don't wanna lose that."
"I can learn. Maybe you and Hammer can teach me a thing or two."
He huffs and squirms in his booster seat. "And I wanna see Master Pillar, but dunno how. She's so far away. All of them are. I dunno if they'll have me back."
"I have a car." I force a smile; I need him to see that I'm on his side. "I can drive you anywhere you want. You can visit any time you'd like."
"But I dunno where it is."
"We can find it, whatever it takes."
"But–"
Dex's voice hitches. Whatever's troubling him has got its hooks deep in him again, like it did when I saw him pounding that training dummy, like it did when he broke down in the van.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
He curls up and cradles his knees.
"I dunno what I wanna do. I dunno if I belong here. I dunno if I belong anywhere."
I exhale through my nose. I've felt the same, so many times.
"I know how you feel."
"You don't. Nobody does."
Jeez, he just sounds so defeated. No Machop should have to feel like that already. What do I even say to cheer him up?
I can't. There's nothing that can fix this, nothing that can bring his parents back, nothing that can show him the right path to follow. Life for me has been like driving through the road at night with busted headlights, with only a few pit stops in sight. I don't know if Dex feels the same, but I see so much of myself in him. My taste in music. That feeling of not fitting in anywhere. That fighting spirit I used to have. It's still in Dex.
I know from now on that whatever I do, I'll make sure he never loses that spirit.
I lay a hand on his shoulder, and give him however long it takes to come to. I take deep breaths, and he breathes in time with me.
"Dex?" I start. "Can I show you something?"
He doesn't look me in the eye, but he nods and follows me into one room I've been waiting to show him: his bedroom. Well, it's still our room, technically. The landlord hasn't checked that we're not sleeping in separate rooms yet. Barry's currently using it as a rehearsal space as instruments are propped up in various places, while some of my workout equipment is tucked away in the corner.
Dex paws at the bass guitar on the stand. I draw my hand up, about to tell him not to touch Barry's valuables when Barry steps in and sits cross-legged by Dex's side. He picks the guitar up and strums a few notes; even though it isn't plugged into the amp, its earthy tones resound in the room. He keeps his fingers fixed on one chord and invites Dex to strum the bridge. Dex's face brightens up a little as he plays with Barry's guidance.
"It sounds super deep," Dex says. "You wanted to show me this?"
"That's not all." I kneel where Dex and Barry sit and wave my arm around the space. "This can be your room."
Dex blinks. He scans the room as if he's lost, unsure of what he can add to it just by being Dex.
"What would I do with it?" he asks.
There's still so much I take for granted, human things like possessions and creature comforts, vinyl records and engraved lighters, stuff that doesn't serve a practical purpose that nevertheless fill my little life with joy. I never grew up having that.
"Anything. You can do anything you want. We can put a bed up in here, and anything else you'd like." I snort, trying to relieve the tension in some way. "Well, within reason. We can't put a spaceship in here."
"What's a spaceship?"
Maybe I'm filling this kid's head with too many ideas too fast. "Never mind. But this is yours to keep, if you want it. Even if you decide to go off on a trainer journey, work for some other removal place or do super important work or become a rockstar, you'll always have some place to come back to."
Something's welling up in me. I'm trying to keep it together for Dex, but I don't even know if he wants to stay at all. I don't know what I'd do if he doesn't; maybe look for some other Pokemon to adopt. But there'd be no other Machop like Dex.
"You really mean that this time?" Dex scowls, like he did when he punched my shoulder, which still hurts. "You won't leave me again?"
"I'll become Boltund chow before I ever let you down again."
He stands up. Whatever's got his hold on him lets go, and his shoulders relax. Dex takes a deep, shuddering breath and holds his arms out. I don't need to know our sign language to know what Dex is asking for.
I scoop him in my arms and hold him tight. His sobs are muffled by my embrace. Barry joins in too, pulling us together.
I don't have all the answers right now. Not for myself. Not for Barry. Not for Dex. But this feels right. Whatever we do, whatever Dex becomes, whether I stay at the Mach n' Van, whether Barry gets his big break, I'll make sure none of us have to face it alone.
Coda - A Machop Joins The Mosh Pit
The sweat of a hundred humans and a few Pokemon stick to me and Barry. The room's hot. It's hard to breathe. The floor's sticky from all the spilt beer. It's foggy as hell from the smoke machine. And I love it. Dex seems to love it too, kicking his feet as he sits atop my shoulders, getting a good view of the headliner at The Cave: Torterror.
I've seen so many good bands in Circhester since I moved here. So many of them are fronted by humans, with the occasional Pokemon band member or two, but Torterror is one of the few Pokemon-fronted bands who have stood out from the crowd.
A Torterra with strips of tattered black cloth hanging from its tree branches growls into the stage microphone. The backing band, made up of two humans playing the guitar and bass, and a Braixen clad in black and white body paint on the drums, is fully in sync with him, playing slowly to match his dirge.
It's a great crowd too. Everyone's dressed in black. I even brought my Torterror shirt to match Barry's. Looks like a few Pokemon are fans too, judging from the Scrafty and Jynx windmilling in the back.
Then the music picks up. The drummer's blast beats combined with the super fast, technical riffs and the Torterra's shrill screams drive everyone into a moshing frenzy as they form a circle pit. I keep my distance at first, conscious that Dex is a little Machop in a sea of human metalheads, but Dex jumps down from my shoulders and tries to join them.
I'm about to stop the whole thing when the moshers make some space for Dex. His laughter as he runs like a freaking Slurpuff on a sugar high is lost in all the noise.
I smile at Barry. He looks so good tonight, even in black and white face paint. I so badly want to kiss him, but I know I can't. I've made some peace with keeping this a secret from the world.
Then Barry leans in to kiss me.
I pull away, expecting the crowd to stop and gawk at us. But they don't. They're too busy slamming against each other. I kiss him back, and our lips stay locked together even with all the chaos swirling around us.
Author's Note: You made it to the end! I've been working on this for a couple of months now, so it's the biggest project I've recently finished. I feel like the journey to get here was a little messy, especially since I originally envisioned it as a one-shot and the ending was going to be a lot more bittersweet, but overall, I'm pleased with how it turned out.
I hope you enjoyed it, or at least got something out of even if the premise wasn't quite your cup of tea. This was quite personal for me, and some of it is based off of my current relationship, though take what you will with a grain of salt.
As for future plans, I have a couple of ideas for more one-shots in Circhester that I'd like to write, if they don't balloon out of scale like this one did. I also hope this lights a fire under my butt to write more of my longfic I, Isobel, though funnily enough, Glen was meant to be somewhat of an antagonist in the original draft of that story.
Anyway, thanks again for reading and stay tuned for more (possibly)!
