The Day We Almost Lost You

A Bad Batch Imagine

"You are going to get yourself killed one day you know that?" Wrecker laughed as he

helped you wrap your arm. You chuckled.

"Nah, I'm too tough to die." You joked with him. You stood up stretching. "Do you

have Oreos? I'm starving." Wrecker shook his head exasperated at you before going to

find Oreos.

"You're going to give us a heart attack one of these days." You turned to see

Echo leaning in the doorframe. You dramatically touched your heart.

"Is this your way of saying you boys care for me? I'm touched." Echo rolled his

eyes at you.

"We like you more than other people. So try not to die." You rolled your eyes.

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere." Echo watched you with caution. You hated

that it made your heart rate increase. You didn't have many people who were concerned

about you. Seeing Echo's concern made you feel loved, you hated yourself for thinking

that.

"You're not invincible, you know that right?" Your smile softened at his words. You

moved closer to him, lowering your voice.

"I know. I'll be careful. Thanks for worrying about me." He smiled a soft smile

himself.

"Always. All of us do." You nodded at his words. You turned to hear Wrecker

coming back in.

"Oreos?" Wrecker held them up proudly.

"Got 'em right here." You ran over excitedly, popping one in your mouth.

"Yes! These are so good." You felt the ship go into autopilot mode. Crosshair,

Tech, and Hunter soon joined the three of you. Crosshair's eyes immediately went to

your arm.

"Are you going to lose the arm?" His snarky voice dripped with tease. You rolled

your eyes.

"I think they'll be able to save it."

"Bummer, thought I'd get to do all the shooting myself."

"You're just mad that I'm a good shot."

"You're not as good as me." He shot back.

"Pretty good to have similar skills to you when that isn't my specialized skill." You

teased. His lip twitched letting you know you had won the snark battle. Tech spoke up

from where he had quietly been watching the conversation.

"It would be advisable that you stop running into the face of danger without

backup." Tech said as he ran through data on his pad. You crossed your arms.

"I did have back up."

"If you're referring to us being your back up it doesn't count when we are

nowhere near to offer such assistance." You smirked at his words.

"Fair point." You looked over to Hunter who was the only member to not say

anything.

"Have anything to add?" Hunter smirked.

"I think my brothers have it covered." You nodded, agreeing.

Injured scene: Your head felt foggy. You couldn't move ... .were you paralyzed? No…not

paralyzed, your fingers were twitching. Your eyes felt heavy. You didn't want to open

them. You could hear people speaking in hushed tones around you. That was never

good. You focussed on their conversation, seeing if you could make any words out.

"Crosshair…she might not walk away from this. Her injuries were severe." It was

Tech's voice. He must have been talking to Crosshair.

"You have to help her. You always know what to do. So help her." Crosshair's

voice was hushed but you could hear the bite in his tone. He was clearly frustrated.

They must have been talking about you. What had happened? You couldn't remember.

"How is she doing?" That was Hunter. Were you on their ship or were you in a

hospital? Had you been on a mission with them? Tech sighed.

"I don't know if she's going to make it." What on Earth had happened? You

couldn't feel any pain. What kind of injuries had you sustained?

'What! She can't die! We need her!" That was Wrecker and it was not quiet.

There was a round of shushing as they assumed you were still asleep.

"We don't know that she's going to die." Echo tried to comfort them, but you could

hear the concern in his tone.

"She's lost a lot of blood. It is hard to recover from that amount of loss. If she

does make it through this it's going to be a long recovery for her." You groaned. You

hated recovery time. It was always so boring. You were not meant to sit for that long.

You guessed that they had heard you because suddenly you felt that there were a lot of

people around you.

"Y/N are you awake?" Wrecker spoke nervously. Your brows furrowed as you

attempted to open your eyes. It was bright and your vision was blurry.

"mmmm….yeah…I'm awake." It felt weird to speak. Mentally you were fully there,

but your mouth wasn't computing properly. Your vision began to come together and you

saw the entire batch in front of you. "Hey guys…" You spoke slowly. Your eyes widened

as you were pulled into a tight hug by Wrecker. The boys didn't normally touch you.

They were friendly with you, but they didn't initiate physical contact and neither did you.

"Y/N! I'm so glad you're alive!"

"Wrecker! Careful of her injuries." Tech pulled him back gently. Wrecker moved to

hold your hand looking apologetic.

"Sorry, hope I didn't hurt you." You frowned at his words….nothing hurt. Why

were they acting like you were fragile?

"You didn't. I'm not in pain." That made all of the men frown in confusion.

"You don't feel any pain at all?" Echo asked cautiously. You frowned, shaking

your head.

"No…why?" The men looked to Tech for answers, but he looked just as

confused.

"Y/N do you remember what happened?" You paused at his question. Your mind

was blank.

"Umm…I think I was on a mission. I think I was supposed to set a bomb

somewhere. Not gonna lie guys, that's all I remember." Tech looked over his data pad

as you spoke.

"Interesting…"

"What is it Tech?" Hunter asked worried. Though he was trying to hide it. Tech

looked between you and Hunter.

"It seems that you have sustained severe memory loss. It most likely is related to

present events since you remember who we are, but you might not remember a lot of

situations that have happened in the last few months." You nodded slowly.

"Did I hit my head or something?" All of the men paused at your question, looking

uncomfortable.

"You did a little more than hit your head." Tech spoke hesitantly. Your heart rate

picked up at his vague words.

"What happened?" Tech seemed uncomfortable, Hunter gently put his hand on

your shoulder.

"Y/N there was an explosion…you were too close ... .you were impaled with

shrapnel. You've had three surgeries and lost a lot of blood." Your eyes widened at his

words. You looked down at your body confused. Nothing looked weird, it wasn't until you

moved the blanket that you understood…your stomach had bandages tightly wrapped

around it. The shrapnel must have hit you in the stomach.

"Oh…" was all you managed to say. Too shocked to say anything else. The room

was quiet as the men allowed you to absorb the situation.

"The good news is now that you're conscious you will most likely be alright. It

was touch and go the last few days because we couldn't get you to wake up.

I'm

happy that you're alright." Your eyes were wide as you listened and absorbed. Your fists

dug into your thighs under the covers as you struggled to keep yourself together…you

were that close….that close and you were still here.

The boys watched you closely, which for once you really hated. Your eyes stayed

glued to the bed as you struggled to calm down. You wouldn't let them see you panic.

Your eyes began to water. Wrecker gently squeezed your hand causing you to look up

at him. His heart broke seeing the tears run down your face. He gave you a more gentle

hug this time. "You're going to be ok." You returned the hug, relishing in the comfort. You

buried your face into him. Wanting to avoid the embarrassment and fear in this entire

situation.

You listened quietly as the men spoke outside of your room. "I don't understand.

She is one of the best spies we have ever worked with. It doesn't make sense that she

would have been that close to the explosion when she knew it was happening. She

didn't have any gun wounds so she hadn't been caught by anyone. It's like…she

just…stayed there until the explosion happened." Tech said sadly. The men all reacted

with surprise and anger.

"What? That doesn't make any sense. Why would she purposefully stay there?

The likelihood of her dying was very high." Echo argued, refusing to believe that you

would do something like that willingly.

"It's not a conclusion I'm not happy to come to. It's just the only liable one. There

was no other reason she would have stayed."

"She has seemed different these last few missions." Wrecker spoke up sadly.

The others turned to him confused.

"What do you mean she's seemed different? Different how?" Crosshair asked,

confused. Wrecker looked uncomfortable talking about it.

"It's not really in front of anyone. She just gets really quiet and withdrawn after the

missions are over, before she meets back up with us. The last few missions I've found

her before she meets back up with the group and she always looks so sad and

withdrawn. The last mission I found her crying. I've been keeping an eye on her since

then. I think there's something going on with her."

"So the two of you think that she meant to let herself die?" Hunter asked

uncertainty. Tech and Wrecker sadly agreed.

"Y/N is one of the happiest people I've ever met. Why would she want to die?"

Echo was still arguing on your behalf.

"Maybe she isn't actually happy." Crosshair argued. Echo looked at him

frustrated.

"Why would you say that?" Crosshair shrugged, seemingly uncaring, however he

was incredibly worried about you.

"I'm just saying maybe she's better at hiding than we thought." Crosshair thought

back to any small moment where he could have known how you were feeling. Looking

back he could see small signs, your smile faltering, your eyes zoning out, your dark

jokes. He only wished he had known where it would lead. All things he didn't think too

much about during the time.

They all looked back over to you just staring at the wall. Completely zoned out.

"We need to talk to her." Hunter spoke determinedly. If something was going on with you

they would help you. They wouldn't let you hurt yourself. You looked up as they walked

back in. Your brows furrowed at the concerned look on all of their faces.

"What's wrong? You all look worried." You spoke confused. It seemed that none

of the men knew what to say. Hunter finally sat down gently on the bed beside you,

taking your hand into his. Your eyes widened in worry, Hunter usually did not initiate

physical contact. Something was wrong.

"Y/N…we're worried about you." You paused watching him closely.

"Why? I thought you said the injuries would heal and I would be fine. Did you find

something else?" Hunter hesitated.

"Y/N, did you purposefully stay close to the explosion?" You stiffened ever so

slightly. If Hunter hadn't been so close to you he wouldn't have noticed. Your face

stayed carefully calm. The face of a spy. The room was completely silent. You

maintained eye contact slowly speaking.

"What?" You were clearly giving him a minute to rephrase. He refused.

"Did you purposefully stay close to the explosion?" You kept your face neutral,

but Hunter could feel your heart rate increase.

"Why would you ask me that?" Your eyes were challenging, Hunter's eyes were

softer, more sympathetic. There however was determination to not let you kill yourself.

"Because there was no reason for you to still be there when the explosion

happened. You had no injuries that would indicate that you were in gunfire or that you

had to fight anyone. Your only injuries were from the explosion." Hunter's eyes were

challenging you to lie. He would know if you were. He could hear every reaction your

body made. You hated his perceptiveness in that moment.

"Maybe I'm just a good spy who avoided being shot during our mission." You

challenged. Hunter paused before continuing. "For you to not move far enough from that

explosion to be as injured as you were would suggest that you were under heavy

gunfire. With that much gunfire it would be impossible for you to not be injured at all, no

matter how talented of a spy you are." Hunter's voice softened. "We're not trying to

make you feel bad. We're just worried." Hunter spoke honestly as he looked into your

eyes.

You broke eye contact staring at your lap. You were ashamed that you were

having to have this conversation. You never thought you would have to. There was

always a part of you that wanted to talk to someone. That wanted someone to confide

in, but you had never had the nerve to ask anyone, but being here, having all eyes on

you. You felt nothing but shame and embarrassment. You wished so badly you had died

in the explosion. You sighed sadly.

"This shouldn't be happening. I wasn't supposed to make it out of that explosion.

We shouldn't be having this conversation, I was supposed to die." You spoke tiredly.

Unable to look at any of them. You felt the room's atmosphere change. You knew that

they were all watching you.

Wrecker was saddened. Despite his ideas that you weren't doing well he had

hoped he was wrong. He had hoped that you didn't want to die. Tech was quiet, he

wasn't quite sure what to think. He was usually so analytical, but emotions were not his

expertise. He was good at observing the technical side of situations, but he was

frustrated. How had he missed such clear points that you were struggling? He vowed to

himself to never let this happen again. He would be keeping a much closer eye on you.

Echo was shocked. He had really not expected this from you. You were always the first

one to crack a joke in serious situations. Always the first one to hop back up after a

mission. Always the first one to smile at him when things felt hopeless. He just couldn't

believe that you had felt this way. That you felt that being decimated by an explosion

was better than carrying on with life. How was the happiest person he had ever met

secretly suicidal. There were so many questions he had for you. Hunter wasn't happy.

He was so mad that you wouldn't come to him as the Captain of this team. Even if you

weren't an official part of the team. He still thought you would trust him. The two of you

had plenty of deep conversations before. Conversations about your feelings on the war.

Conversations on where to go from each mission afterwards. Hunter relied on you to be

a calming demeanor in their chaotic life. You added a spark that hadn't been there

before and it left every time you took missions separate from theirs. He always secretly

looked forward to running into you again. Crosshair watched you closely. The way that

you wouldn't look at any of them. His emotions were torn,he was mad at you, yes, but

he also felt for you. He had felt similarly when he was being tortured. There were times

in this hard life where he too had wanted to die, for all of the pain and suffering to just

be over, but he had his brothers. He would never hurt them in that way. He just couldn't

believe that you had been willing too unless…unless you didn't realize how much they

cared for you.

"We care about you too much to let that happen. You must know that." You lifted

your eyes sadly to meet his.

"You would have gotten over it." You spoke tiredly. You were so done with this

life. A flash of anger crossed his face.

"No we wouldn't have. You think that we care so little for you? That you are so

easily replaced? We have never known someone like you. Ever! We have hardly ever

interacted with females and you made us comfortable. You made us feel at home. You

made us laugh and talk. You always made sure we were taken care of. Did you really

think we wouldn't do the same for you? That we could just shrug away your death?"

You stared at the bed, unable to look at him. Unable to look at any of them.

You watched him quietly. Your eyes were so sad as you stared at him. "I'm not

that memorable. I thought eventually ... .you'd just forget and move on." You spoke

quietly. The words sounded stupid as they came out of your mouth. Seeing their

reactions to your "accident" made you feel stupid. They clearly cared more about you

than you had originally thought. Your words had an effect on the entire squad. Anger

and hurt being the two most significant emotions you saw.

"You really thought we would just forget about you?" Echo spoke up. Hurt evident

in his voice. You shrugged awkwardly.

"I guess. I'm replaceable. I guess I thought you would find another spy that

matched my skill level."

"You mean more to us than just your skills." Echo argued moving closer to you. "I

know that Tech loves to talk to you about the mechanics of the ship as much as you

love to explain people's body language to him to help him better understand. I know that

you let Hunter vent to you about the struggles of being Captain of this team. Crosshair

likes to talk to you, which is super rare for him. He hates almost everyone. The fact he

likes you should tell you something. And you make Wrecker laugh more than anyone

else. You make us all feel like we can breathe even when times are tough. You are

more to us than just a useful tool." His voice was filled with passion, but was also firm.

He couldn't let you doubt his words at all.

You watched him with wide eyes as he spoke. You knew that they liked you, but

you hadn't realized how much you meant to them. You felt your eyes water. "I-I'm so

sorry. I was just so tired of being sad. I just wanted everything to stop." You covered

your mouth trying to stop the sobs that were escaping your throat, but Hunter pulled you

into his arms.

"It's ok Meshla. We've got you." You felt more arms surrounding you. You

realized in surprise it was a group hug. Probably the first they had ever had. This was

not a group hug type of bunch. Tears streamed down your face as you snuggled closer

to them. The men didn't say anything about your crying.

"I don't understand. How do none of you feel this way? After the war…after the

Republic fell…life just felt so hopeless. I didn't know where I fell into this new world. Not

everyone was dead, I mean I found you guys but…so many of the people I

knew…they're dead and so much of the time I just want to go find them." They watched

you sadly. Hearing you openly talk about wanting to die was heartbreaking to every man

in the room. Most of them didn't understand it, but their situation was different from

yours. You had been friends with some of the Regs and Jedi. You had been friends with

people who were a part of the rebellion. A lot of the people in your life had died. They

had only really ever had each other and they were all still there.

Echo gently touched your arm. "I can't directly relate to all of the people you've

lost, but I was heartbroken when I realized everyone in the 501st had died. For a long

time I thought Rex had died too. Ahsoka was a friend of mine along with every Clone in

the 501st. I was devastated when I realized they had all died. I'm sure it's really different

for you though. You had to watch the people you cared about either turn on you or die. I

don't blame you for wanting to join them sometimes. It must get really lonely, but you

have us. I know we can't make up for the loss of the jedi or the Regs, but you do have

us Y/N. We really truly care about you." Echo spoke gently. His eyes gazed softly into

yours. You believed every word he said. You knew he wasn't deceiving you. You nodded

your thanks to him. Whispering "thank you".

"I don't get it. You're perfect. You're happy…you're you. I don't understand why

you would want to die." Wrecker spoke sadly. You smiled sadly.

"I'm not perfect. I'm very flawed Wrecker. I'm a good faker." You hated the

confusion on his face. Knowing that you were so good at being fake that they didn't

know the real you. The worst part was now that you knew how much they cared you

wouldn't kill yourself, even if you wanted to.

"You're not fake Y/N. You're not." Wrecker looked sad as he spoke. You hated

making the happy giant sad. You tried to smile, but you knew it didn't come off genuine.

You gently put your hand over his that rested on the bed next to you.

"I am." You spoke with emphasis, feeling emotion build up in your throat as you

spoke. Wrecker stared deeply into your eyes. There was something there you didn't

quite understand until he spoke again.

"Does that mean you don't actually consider us your friends? Is that what you

mean?" He looked devastated as he spoke. It broke your heart. You shook your head,

holding his hand tighter.

"No Wrecker, that isn't what I mean. I-I just…I don't tell you all when I'm feeling

sad or when I do feel like dying. I stay happy and smiling and joking even if I don't feel

that way. That's what I mean. I do genuinely care for all of you. I just…it's hard for me to

tell people when I'm not feeling happy. I usually get told that I"m too happy to be

depressed or they say that I'm bringing people down and I should keep it to myself.

After a while of hearing stuff like that you just…" A silence fell over the room as you

gathered your thoughts.

"You just give up….

You swallow your feelings and do what's best for those around you even if you

can feel your soul dying." The room was quiet as your words echoed in the air. No one

said anything. You looked between Wrecker and the table. Not willing to look at the

other men in the room. Wrecker had always been the easiest to talk to, he was never

judgemental. Not that the others were, it was just easier with Wrecker.

Wrecker watched you closely. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to tell you

that you were wrong. That you were not a burden, that you could be honest with him

and his brothers, but clearly you didn't agree, because you never had been. He felt like

he was looking at an entirely different person in that moment. Gone was the happy

bubbly woman that they had all come to love. The girl whose laugh could light up the

whole room. The girl who knew how to comfort each and every one of them. The girl

who could hold her own during a fight. Who prayed for the lost souls of every fight when

the battle was over. In front of him now was a broken soul who had been neglected and

ignored by her past.

He squeezed your hand, a look of determination crossing his face. "Don't give

up. We're not giving up on you so don't you dare give up on yourself." You studied his

face, you knew he was serious. You took a deep breath.

"Ok." You whispered. Wrecker pulled you in for another hug, to which his

brothers also joined. Apparently today was a hugging day for the guys.

"We love you Y/N" You heard Echo say to you. You could feel the arms

around you tighten in agreement.

"I love you guys too." You all stayed huddled. None of you knew how this

would work in the days to come, but you all would figure it out together. The guys would

make sure you never felt uncared for again. You had a family and you weren't going to

lose them even if you tried.