"Still… sorry about ruining our date." Cloud whispered.
"No, no… it was perfect, this is perfect!" Tifa replied just as quietly, very conscious of the sleeping girl across from her –also snuggled deep in her boyfriend's arms– a mirrored match for the barmaid's own position on the merc's right side. She placed her right hand just over his heart, before looking up towards him from where she rested her head on his shoulder. "I-I love that you felt comfortable enough to tell me everything, that you let yourself be so vulnerable…just for me." There was some shifting before she spoke again." I want you to remember this always, never feel guilty about needing help… especially not from me. No matter what you say or do, I'll always be here for you, through thick and thin."
For a long moment, there was nothing but silence and anticipation in the air.
"I promise–"
"You don't need to make me any promises." Tifa said firmly, cutting him off before he could even begin with another apology or promise to do better. Long silence between the two of them… and then, the subtlest sound of a kiss on someone's cheek seemed to echo in the room, before she continued. "Because you're already doing it, last night was all the proof I needed to know that. So… just keep being you. Tell me your problems and I'll tell you mine, and somehow we'll figure out the rest."
Cloud's breath seemed to catch and hold as he regarded his girlfriend, almost like he couldn't believe this was reality and not just a dream.
"As long as you're ready to hear me bitch and moan all the time." He joked, a subtle shift in his body as he turned slightly to face his girlfriend, yet still keeping Aerith wrapped up close in order to not disturbed her sleep.
"I've already heard you moan." Tifa teased back, getting a chuckle and another rustle of blankets as Cloud moved closer–
(Oh– her— show!)
A flicker of a shadow, almost like a person… and then gone.
"Ah-aaaah!" Aerith hastily "faked" yawned, finally deciding to announce to her bedmates that she was awake before they did anything… uh, more intimate with each other. And definitely before she started hearing voices again from that shadow. Deciding to ease her way back into the conversation –and not tip them off to how long she had been eavesdropping– she said softly. "Um… morning you two."
"Yeah… morning." Cloud said nervously, looking awkward at where his arm was trapped around her waist when she had been crying into his shoulder.
"Aerith! H-How are you feeling?" Tifa asked, a look of concern and immense sadness in her eyes. "Were… you able to get any sleep last night?"
Terrible.
"Yeah… a little bit." The mage said, hoping to sound earnest… although the look the couple exchanged said they it was anything but.
Truthfully, she had woken up about an hour ago after a long night of fitful, uneven sleep… her mind racing from everything she now knew.
After Cloud had finished his story, both girls had found themselves unable to even ask him questions… too emotionally drained to do more than cry into his arms and fall asleep from exhaustion. Or at least Aerith did… because looking at the dark circles under Cloud and Tifa eyes, she wasn't sure if those two hadn't just spent the whole night talking and consoling each other.
Probably the latter, since the two childhood friends had already been deep in conversation when she woke up.
And didn't that just make Aerith feel shitty… breaking down when Cloud was the one who had gone through four years of torture and experiments, while she had been willing the days away growing flowers and resenting Zack.
Zack… Zack, Zack, Zack… there were just too many emotions from that alone! He came to Midgar for her, to see her… died for her. She–
A voice just above her head. (Looking— sad— ask her–?)
"Want to talk about it?" Cloud asked gently, unintentionally interrupting the downward spiral she had been teetering towards, almost as if he had read her mind. Or maybe the shadow told him? Stop it Aerith! Not everyone is as crazy as you! "Ask me anything you need, because you have just as much of a right to hear the details… if you want." He added quickly, speaking into her hair because of the way they were laying. Which… was a blessing in disguise, since she didn't know if she could look into his mako eyes, not without them reminding her of his. "And in case you're wondering… it's what I want too."
"Are… you sure?" Aerith asked, feeling too hesitant to put him through all of that, not after he recounted years of his to them.
After all, what did her own struggles mean in comparison to his?
Aerith had experienced loss her whole life –been the cause of it truthfully– but Cloud and Tifa had tragedy strike without any rhyme or reason. Everything they loved and cared for, gone with a swing of a sword.
Yet, a selfish part of her still wanted to hear more…
There was… a lot she wanted to ask, things she needed to know and hear, but the important questions (at least to her) were of a much more personal nature. Things that he might honestly not even know despite having been Zack's best friend. Yet… she couldn't spend all her time wondering and regretting, not when the potential answers to her five years of questions were laying right here in her arms.
So, when he gave her a firm nod, she let the floodgates open… and started with the most difficult one.
"...did he love me?"
Did he kill himself for me?
The question seemed to have caught Cloud off guard, probably having expected her to ask him about Zack in general… but not that.
"He did… he does." Cloud amended firmly, trying to confidently reassure her even as she avoided Tifa's look of concern from across his chest. "Trust me, he was head over heels for you even before we went to Nibelheim. Spent the whole trip to the mountains talking about this wonderful flower girl he met." He paused for a second, as if unsure whether to continue. "It got so bad… I almost smothered him in his sleep just to get him to shut up."
A pause and a beat, as she digested the unexpected joke.
"No, you didn't." Aerith giggled, unable to get the image of an angry Cloud looming over a sleeping Zack, pillow in hand.
Her fault, her fault, her fault… that he ran to Midgar for her and died.
It was something she had secretly known, something the planet had whispered to her months ago… but the reality of it hurt.
Different faces, different places, different moments in her life… and it all ended with the people around her dying before their time.
Zack fair was just another chapter in the cursed book that was Aerith Gainsborough.
'No! That was not true!'
(No— reader— a joke–?)
Was it Gaia? But… it sounded so different …
"I definitely did." He replied in mock offense, almost as if it was a matter of pride that she believed he was capable of killing his best friend for being annoying, "Was two seconds away from doing it too… until Zack woke up and I had to jump back into my bed, pretending I was just fluffing my pillow."
That caused both girls to lightly laugh at the imagined scene.
Jokes… jokes were good.
It also kept her from spiraling… from thinking the absolute worst of herself.
"And… during Shinra Mansion, in the labs..." Cloud continued after they had settled down somewhat, his words sounding as though his thoughts were a million miles away. Instantly, Tifa's hand moved up to rest on his chest, instinctually already in preparation for whatever was about to be said. A moment later, a tad more hesitant, Aerith did the same on her side. "When the experiments were happening, and I was… struggling physically and mentally with it all, Zack would tell me stories about you, to help me cope with it." The Cetra's heart moved just a beat faster, anticipation curling in her stomach as she listened. "How you two met, his favorite dates… and the t-things he wanted to do for you once we escaped. And…" He paused for a moment, as if just remembering something. "Something about a wagon, I think?"
Aerith tried to blink back tears, she cried enough… but she needed to hear this.
To remember that… what she and Zack had was true love, and that she shouldn't taint it with regrets or what-ifs.
Shouldn't blame herself for things out of her control
As Elmyra would say, sometimes things in life –even the terrible stuff– just happen, and it was nobody' fault.
"Oh, that old thing." She said, making an attempt at being humorous, not wanting to make it all about her when Cloud was talking about his worst experience… unsuccessful at that, if the way Tifa held her hand was any indication. "It's a silly story –and I'm surprised he even remembered!– but… maybe I'll tell you two about it some time? If you guys want…"
It was better to have loved and lost… than never love at all.
"I'd love that." Tifa said softly, giving Aerith's hand a comforting squeeze.
"Perfect." Aerith confirmed happily, genuinely glad to tell them about her and Zack's misadventures with a broken flower cart. It kept things light, playful even. And… it helped to stop the dark thoughts that she was at fault for Zack's death. Hoping to keep the good mood going, a sudden thought came into her head, and she couldn't help but ask the blonde. "Did you ever tell him about Tifa?"
The two former villagers exchanged awkward looks, before he said. "Not… really. The last time I saw her… before I passed out, she had been cut pretty deep by Sephiroth, and was losing so much blood. I-I thought she was gone." A tense silence as he closed his eyes for a moment… and then smiled. "But… Zack did know about her, a little at least. Wouldn't stop teasing me about that "pretty guide" of ours, who I couldn't stop looking at."
A light scoff came from Cloud's right as he said this.
"Once again, you dork, you should've told me you were that trooper." Tifa said sternly, but with no real heat behind her words as smiled gently against his chest. "I would've been happy to see you, Soldier or not. Two years is a long time to make a girl wait."
"I mean, I know that now and I'm–"
"But on the brightside." The fighter said brightly, cutting off another apology from her boyfriend. "Now I don't have to feel guilty for thinking this random, and very mysterious, infantryman was so… heroic when he saved me from a dragon."
(No— you– that?)
Aerith was going to ignore it… now wasn't the time, or place to be worried about the voices in her head again.
"Oh, yeah?" Cloud murmured above the girls, putting on a tone that said he was "jealous". "And who is this asshole? Maybe I'll go pay him a visit…"
"You should." The barmaid agreed, sharing an amused smile with the mage, her eyes crinkling in humor. "I have it on good authority that he even lives in sector 7 too. You can't miss him either! Because he walks around with the most ridiculous set of spikey gold hair…
The image of Cloud trying to beat up himself, almost made Aerith want to giggle at the insanity of it.
Seeing them interact so casually with each other –even knowing what they knew now– it was a beautiful thing to watch, lovers reunited after tragedy. The years they spent away from each other almost nonexistent, the two childhood friends picking things right back up despite it all. A stark contrast to her own doome love– no, no! Only positive thoughts!
It was precious, but could all be torn away in an instant… someone needed to be protected.
… maybe she could protect it?
For a brief moment, the couple began whispering something to each other, laughing interspersed with their words, before Tifa remembered they weren't alone and said loudly. "Hey, finish your story first."
Above her, the mage felt Cloud giving a nod in agreement, before saying. "While we were on the run, he also–"
Aerith gave him a gentle tap on the chest to stop him.
"Oh no you don't, mister." She said teasingly, finally sitting up and against the headrest and scrubbing her eyes –Tifa and Cloud moving with her– trying to keep things light even though she felt like her insides had been wrung out. But feeling better than she had in the last 12 hours, especially now that she had a new goal…. it was time to steer things back in the couple's favor. "That's enough emotions for one morning! I… don't think I have anymore tears in me to cry."
Which was true, but more importantly, she could tell it was starting to take its toll on Cloud… and Tifa. That while he started it off easily enough, each word after became more difficult… quieter –the two of them reliving the worst night of their life– something she didn't notice until he started talking to his girlfriend. It was… hard on them all, but she knew he wouldn't stop unless she put her foot down.
The couple exchanged a quick look, before Tifa asked. "We… don't have to do this right now. Let's take a break and–"
"No, no lets… let's leave it on a happy note for today… at least till I'm less of an emotional wreck!" Aerith joked, trying to reassure them, feeling guilty for ruining their moment with her drama. She was a healer, it was time to heal. And that meant think positively, no more wallowing in all the things she could have done differently. Besides, she really did need some time to digest everything she had heard. And maybe… somehow convince herself that Zack didn't die trying to see her. Quietly, more to herself, she herself. "He loved me… that's all I really need to hear right now."
And truly, it was.
"You sure?" Cloud asked again, looking like he wanted to protest, but wasn't sure if it was his place to do so. "Because… there's just so much I want to tell you about him, things you deserve to know. I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of–"
"I'm sure." She confirmed confidently, interrupting him as she straightened her posture a little, before turning to face the blonde fully, and adding jokingly. "Us girls aren't an endless fountain of emotional understanding and comfort, you know. After your story, any more –sad or happy– and… well, let's just say I need time to process. Especially if you don't want me to be some useless crying girl stuck in bed for the next week."
"I-I didn't mean–"
Aerith put her hands over Cloud's mouth, stopping him before he could give her an apology that he didn't need to say… and she didn't need to hear.
"You weren't kidding." She said, her words directed to the barmaid this time who had been watching them silently. "It doesn't take much to push him around." The mage joked, sharing a quick smile with the other brunette before she looked back at the merc. "And you… stop trying to apologize when you did nothing wrong, or I'll make you say "sorry" instead of "hi" everytime you see me! And that's not gonna be fun for either of us!"
Gently, he slowly moved her hands away so he could speak. "Okay."
"Good." Aerith said, nodding approvingly, letting a comfortable silence fill the room as she collected her thoughts. Eventually, she gathered his hands together under hers –a pseudo prayer as she interlocked her fingers over his– before saying. "And… just because it's no for now, doesn't mean I don't want to hear it all later… when I'm ready." Chuckling a little to herself, she added. "I couldn't live with myself if I don't hear every embarrassing thing there is to know about Zack Fair! I've always been curious what he got up to when I wasn't around." She finished jokingly.
Taking a moment to glance at their hands, then up to her eyes, he said. "Anytime you want."
"I'll hold you to that." She said, before letting her smile grow bigger, and adding jokingly. "Because I might just end up calling you in the middle of the night, demanding how many girlfriends Zack had before me!" She emphasized her words by giving him a light punch on the shoulder. "I'm a high maintenance girl, you know."
"Call when you need to." Cloud began seriously enough, before breaking out into a small smile of his own. "But… just no hard feelings if I don't pick up. I need my eight hours, and I have a bad habit of hitting the snooze button. "
Aerith gave him a look of mock offense, before turning to Tifa and asking. "And you say he's boyfriend material? Oh,Tifa… you can do so much better." She gave the blonde a side-eye, making sure he knew this next part was for him. "Let's dump this loser."
(My— harem–!)
The way Cloud's eyebrows furrowed –90% playing along, 10% genuine concern– was never not going to be funny to the mage.
"He's… rough around the edges, I'll give you that." The barmaid conceded, sliding a hand along Cloud's arm and giving him a sweet smile… that then turned impish. "But I can fix him."
Aerith couldn't stop her snort.
This was good… this was safe. You faked it till you made it.
Keep pretending… and maybe someday, she'll actually be happy.
With new resolve, the flower girl rolled out of bed –and subsequently, over the two villagers– landing on her feet, before straightening up on wobbly legs.
"Okay, enough tears and drama!" The mage announced, clapping her hands with finality, before putting her fists on her hips and addressed her bed companions, specifically the blonde. "You didn't just tell us your story to make some girls cry. You wanted a solution." She began pacing a little, feeling a little better now that she was keeping busy. Abruptly, she stopped in front of them and pointed a finger up, as if she had an idea. "And I don't really have one. But what I do have is a recommendation… if you're willing."
"Uh… anything." Cloud said, looking bewildered by her sudden burst of energy.
"Just don't tell anyone." She said simply.
"...excuse me?" He said slowly, as if he wasn't sure if she had all her marbles in one jar. The couple moved until they were both sitting on the edge of the bed, looking up at the crazy flower girl. "I have to tell them… o-or at least Avalanche. They're trying to have me go undercover and pretend to be a Soldier… which I'm not! I'm gonna end up getting everyone killed!"
"No you're not." Aerith insisted, looking between the blonde and brunette as she explained her reasoning, leaning in close. "Look, the plan is for you to act like you're some secret weapon of the professor… some lab experiment that he had waiting in the wings for a rainy day. Which… I mean, most of that you are! So no acting needed. If anything, it actually works in our favor! But if you dump this all on the team now, you're gonna distract them from the mission." Forcing herself to lean away from the merc, she added. "And just remember, because I've said it once, I'll say it a hundred times… just because you can't tell them now, doesn't mean you can't tell them later."
"I… I don't know how to respond to that."
"Exactly! Just don't say anything right now." She said promptly, but seeing his still uncertain look, she tried to reason with him just a little more. "I know you said you feel like keeping secrets if you don't have too… it really doesn't do anyone any good to tell them everything now. Just… wait for the right moment."
"I guess…"
"And you said it yourself, it's not just your story to tell." Aerith said but she wasn't kidding earlier, Cloud had a bad habit of self doubt and recrimination. He needed someone to push him in the right direction. "It affects all of us… isn't that why the three of us are here right now?" She looked at the barmaid, asking. "What do you think, Tifa? Should we tell the rest of our friends right now… or wait for the right moment?"
They both looked at her, waiting for a final decision.
"I… agree with Aerith." Tifa said finally with a sigh, reaching over to hold Cloud's hand again when she saw him deflate a little. "I know you feel guilty about not telling our friends, that it makes you feel like you're lying to them or putting them in danger… but the timing just isn't great. They need to keep a clear head and focus on the mission. So let's just hold off for now, and play it by ear."
"Music to my ears." The mage said happily, glad to finally be getting some traction. Truth be told, she dreaded the idea of having to explain her and Zack's relationship to people who –while her friends– she only really met a couple of days ago. It was like picking at a scab for anybody who wanted to see just because they asked. "Besides, it's not like they don't have things about their lives they never told you! I certainly got things about my past I'll probably never tell anyone."
"Yeah…" The barmaid agreed, giving a reluctant nod of her head. "Honestly, I've never even told anyone about Nibelheim, outside of Jessie and Marle."
"Right! You see? Everyone has secrets, Cloud." Aerith said amiably, hoping to get it across to the blonde that she really didn't want to spread their story. She didn't want to force him to agree… but honestly? The less people who knew about her past –even the seemingly small stuff– the better. "If it's not actively hurting anyone, a little white lie by omission is… well not fine, but the best solution as we stand."
For a moment, the merc just looked back and forth between the two girls, looking ready to say something more… before sighing in defeat and nodding.
"Okay… when you're right, you're right." He said, looking both disappointed but relieved that the decision was more or less out of his hands.
They both nodded in agreement with him, but stayed silent in order to let Cloud collect his thoughts.
After a moment or two, the barmaid began fidgeting.
"That all being said, I think we should tell Jessie. What do you guys think?" Tifa asked quickly, coming right out of the gate swinging, as if that didn't just fly in the face of everything they just agreed on.
"Yeah?" Cloud said, looking oddly hopeful.
"Why?" Aerith demanded, unable to stop herself from sounding accusatory, as she crossed her arms. "I thought we just said it's too personal to tell anyone right now?"
"We did… and it is." The barmaid agreed slowly, hands in the air to try and appease the flower girl. Seeing that the mage wasn't moved by the weak gesture of peace, she crossed her hands over her chest and said… maybe a little pleadingly. "I mean… part of it is because I want her to know. But mainly, when it comes to Jessie, it's just not practical! She lives in this apartment with me and Cloud. Sleeps in the same bed with us!" She pointed out, fingers circling the small room as evidence. "This close together, one way or another, somebody's gonna slip… and I don't want there to be a fallout over something we were going to tell her anyway."
For a long moment, Aerith just stared at the other brunette, mind going every argument she could think of. Over every potential reason they had not to tell Jessie.
At least not right now!
Was she speaking gibberish, didn't she just say she needed time to digest everything?! That they could tell everyone… later? Didn't they realize she was already struggling to keep her emotions leveled and in check?! Aerith could barely keep her thoughts straight as it was! She didn't need a bunch of half-strangers poking and prodding into her emotions, asking her if she was okay, when she most definitely was not!
This was.. This was…!
"Shit! That's reasonable." She relented with a sigh, running both her hands over her face in exasperation… not at Tifa but at herself. Because of course it wouldn't be as simple as just not saying anything, like she would as a child in order to not freak people out. Aerith couldn't just bury her head in the sand and wish her problems away. She wasn't some lonely flower girl anymore… she had friends, who would –and should!– notice if something was wrong. Which meant… a plan needed to be discussed. Properly. "And I agree, Jessie should know, especially if it's going to cause problems for all of your relationships. I don't want that to happen just because I have some hang ups."
(Aw–)
"I'm glad you think so." Tifa said, pushing off the bed to stand before her and clasping the Cetra's hands in her own. "I know it's not easy… and it's unfair for you to share your story when you don't want to." Surprisingly she dropped Aerith's hands, and pulled her into a hug. It took the mage only a second to return it. "But thank you for doing this for me… for us." She said, looking over at Cloud with a smile… who tried to give a reassuring thumbs up.
The sheer dorkiness of It caused both to lightly giggle.
"Alright… I think I hit my month's quota of sad emotions. How about you?" Aerith asked, speaking into Tifa's hair as she rested her chin on the barmaid's shoulder.
"Definitely." She answered back humorously.
"So ten, let's talk about something fun!" The mage suggested energetically, pulling away from her friend until they were an arm length apart, but kept her hands on the taller girl's shoulder, and forced a smile on her face. "How was your date?! Where did you two go? What did you do?" Giving a bit of a dramatic sigh, she glanced at the blonde, before adding jokingly. "Cloud didn't get fresh with you on the first date, did he? If he did, let me know now, and I'll cut one of his spikes off… no questions asked."
"I was the perfect gentleman." Cloud protested, standing up himself and crossing his arms stubbornly, but with a tug at the corner of his lips that said he was happy to see her feeling better.
"I don't know about that." Tifa said teasingly, but reaching out to pull him into their impromptu hug. "I seem to remember some wandering fingers on a train…"
000000
Tifa and Aerith finally know! Lol
This was a doozy to get out, since I wasn't sure how I wanted it to write it out without everyone just crying every other sentence. Especially in terms of conversation, since there wasn't really much for Tifa and Aerith to ask. Maybe some clarification or personal questions, but overall I couldn't image what additional details they would've asked Cloud for. Which is why I went with the "love" question from Aerith and her self guilt over it.
Fun Fact: Cloud and Zack were on the run for a whole year, zig-zagging across the two continents in a really confusing pattern. I assume it was because Zack was trying to shake their pursuers... but who knows lol.
