For the Witchery Yuletide Calendar Door 10: "Yule tree" and the Fluffcember prompts "Holiday decorations" and "Christmas tree"

"Now, where is it?" Jaskier asks, gazing around the great hall of Kaer Morhen.

"Where is what?"

"The tree!"

"Use your eyes, bard! It's right there, like always."

"Not the medallion tree, Geralt." Jaskier rolls his eyes at his friend. "The Yule tree, of course!"

"Sorry, bard. I know fir and pine trees, beech trees, ash trees and oak trees, I've even seen a palm tree once, far south, but I've never heard of a Yule tree. And why on the continent would we have one inside the keep?"

"But it's a Yule tradition! It's not properly Yule without one! You cannot possibly not have heard of it on your travels around the north. Everybody has a Yule tree in their home!"

"How, pray tell, would I know of what other people keep in their homes during winter? We're always here, at Kaer Morhen, just us Witchers. And we've got more than enough work to do already, cutting wood for the fireplace to keep your bard's butt warm and comfortable. But if you wish to go outside in the middle of a snowstorm to fell some poor tree, Jask, go ahead. There's an axe in the shed."

"You know what, Geralt? It will be a pity and a shame not to have a proper Yule tree, especially for Ciri, but I must decline your generous offer. My hands are made for far more delicate things than cutting trees. I still haven't finished composing this new Yuletide song anyway, and I promised Ciri and Yen to help with the decorations so that at least one person would be there with a keen eye for subtle detail and a taste for ambience, aesthetics and colour harmony. So, I better leave you to whatever you're doing to those poor worms—"

"They aren't worms. They're tentacles of baby zeugls. Difficult to come by, but a very potent potions ingredient."

"Right, baby zeugls, how did I not recognize it," Jaskier says, grimacing with disgust when Geralt begins to crush the wriggling tentacles in a brass mortar. "Then good luck with that- that tentacly stuff. See you at dinner, I guess."

"Hmm," Geralt says, absorbed in his important task. The tentacles have to be processed as freshly as possible to unfold their full potential, and any delay would spoil the effort. He would not want to mess up his Yule present for Vesemir. There will be a nice surprise for Jaskier, too. Thinking of it makes Geralt smile despite his grisly work.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

The great hall is festively decorated with garlands, wreaths, candles, holly and mistletoe. Ciri, Yennefer and he have done a tremendous job. But still, Jaskier is not completely satisfied. The Yule tree is what is missing. Well, it cannot be helped. Or could Yennefer perhaps? However, she shakes her head. No, she will not use her chaos to conjure up a tree in the middle of the hall, neither a tall, nor a small one. And that's that.

There is still some time left before their Yule celebrations, and Yennefer and Ciri have somehow managed to trick him into helping them in the kitchen. Not that he is of much use there other than to stick his fingers into everything to taste the delicious looking sweet chestnut stew, the mushroom pies and the creme of vanilla and caramel desserts. But it is cosy in the kitchen and they are having a lot of fun imitating the witchers.

"So, what's the difference between a witcher and a heap of shit?" Ciri asks in her lowest voice that sounds surprisingly similar to Lambert's. Jaskier and Yennefer look at her, trying hard to not dissolve into giggles right away. "Eventually the shit will stop smelling!" They all burst into laughter.

"Oh, fuck, the cocoa!" Yennefer suddenly exclaims. Just in time, she manages to take the pot off the stove before it boils over with the help of her magic. "That was close. Imagine,Yule without cocoa!"

"Right, Yule with no Yule tree is bad enough," Jaskier sighs, a deep and heartfelt sigh. "Are we done yet, witch?" he then asks, his mouth watering in anticipation of their festive dinner.

"Hmm, I believe we are, bard," Yennefer says, gazing around the kitchen with a satisfied smile. "Let's go inside and see if everybody's there."

So, this is what they do, with Jaskier leading the way. Softly, he hums his new Yule song while opening the heavy door to the great hall. The candles are already lit and everybody turns around looking at him expectantly. Jaskier's eyes grow wide with surprise. There, right in the middle of the hall, stands a mighty Yule tree, decorated with a hundred straw stars and golden beeswax candles.

"How? Who? When?" he stammers, utterly perplexed and lost for words, something that hardly ever happens.

Everybody breaks into roaring laughter.

"Surprise for our favourite bard!" Vesemir says, standing up with a mug of mulled wine in his hand. "Form all of us witchers. Cheers!"

"Now move, Pankratz." Yennefer nudges him in the ribs from behind. "I want to get some of that wine before the witchers have drunk it all."

"You were in on this, witch, weren't you?" Jaskier says, still stunned.

"Of course, I was, and Ciri too. Why else would we have wanted you in the kitchen?" Yennefer chuckles and pushes Jaskier inside the huge room. From the table they can hear Lambert's booming voice.

"Coën, what's the difference between a bard and a fart?" Coën shrugs his shoulders.

"No idea. Go on then, Lambchops."

"A fart vanishes when you open the window!" Lambert says triumphantly, then he explodes with laughter, spilling mulled wine all over his chest.

"And what's the difference between a bard and a Lambert?" Jaskier asks, grinning slyly at the red-headed witcher. Lambert looks at him, puzzled.

"A bard is able to hold his drink," Jaskier says, pointing at the mess that is Lambert's soaked shirt.

And this is the beginning of a very fun evening, the best Yule Jaskier has ever had, with lots of jokes, delicious food, drink and games, and the best friends one could possibly wish for. And even with a proper and exceptionally tall and beautiful Yule tree.