Winter's Refuge
Chapter One Hundred Fifty-Seven
JED 'KID' CURRY
I repaired Mrs. Kirk's stew pot. It was an easy job, but it felt good to fix somethin' again. And it didn't make Aiden nervous like it would of if I had insisted on fixin' the knife. With the time left, I added to our stockpile of horseshoes. Rocky's learnin', but the ones he tried to make were not up to my standard. He's anxious to make them. I made sure he understands the importance of doin' the work right. He watched closely as I made each one and asked good questions. I am glad I took a chance on him.
Chrissy came down from the house and watched as I helped Rocky close up the shop for the day. And I remembered to tell him what a good job he's doin' carryin' on while I'm gone. I took off my apron and shook it out. I did the same with my bandana, which now appeared more black than blue. Then I carefully scrubbed the black grim from my hands in the bucket of water before I ran them through my hair.
And I saw Aiden bendin' over, runnin' his hands through his hair, frantically tryin' to get the clingin' metallic black soot out of his hair.
"Use the pumice stone and Borax to clean your hands now. Your hair's gonna have to wait until you take a bath later to get it out of your hair. I'll take some Borax soap home with us," I told him.
"Dirty profession," he said under his breath. Then looked at me embarrassed.
"We ain't all of us smart enough to be doctors. A blacksmith is what I am and I'm glad my profession helps my neighbors." My voice was firm…and what I said was positive.
"Sorry, Jed. I didn't mean it like it sounded. I just was brought up around nothing but medicine."
He was upset and apologetic, and I remembered his efforts at paintin' the school room. I reminded myself to be positive, but it was easy this time. "Then it's a very good thing you're so good at bein' a doctor. I forget how dirty this is for those that ain't used to it. When we come back, be sure to wear that bandana on your head. There will be a next time, won't there? Maybe tomorrow?"
"Not tomorrow. I want to see how that ankle recovers first. But, yes, there will be a next time soon," Aiden finished and went to concentrate on cleanin' his hands.
Before we left, I held Chrissy close and whispered 'I love you' in her ear. That made her smile and say it back to me with a quick kiss in my cheek. Her smile is one of the things I hold in my heart. It helps ward off the sadness that attacks my soul.
Heyes brought over my cane, which I had left in the corner and not used while I worked. "See you in town tomorrow," he said. "Expecting you to go to that meeting about the town tomorrow. Too bad that Pappy and Brothers had to leave yesterday; they could have seen more of the rebirth of Three Birds."
"Heyes, I…"
He smiled that wide smile. "Kid, if you want, you can be just an observer and not say nothing. But you should have a say how that reward money is spent; after all, you took Lowry down."
"I don't need to talk if I don't want to, right?" I asked. It seems like Heyes is goin' out of his way to not call this a town council meetin', but Jeff mentioned it to me yesterday, too, so I'll agree to go…and not participate.
"Right. Just sit there and listen. That's all I ask," Heyes answered.
"Okay, I'll meet you there."
Before I got in the buggy, Aiden said, "We still have some time. Would you like to drop that pot off at Mrs. Kirk's? I must say I am impressed by the quality of your work. No wonder you have a reputation."
"Like to stop by Mrs. Kirk's and thank her for her visit when she thought I was sick." I asked Rocky to get me the stew pot. "And Aiden, which reputation you talkin' about?" I teased.
He laughed. "Touche! Your reputation as the best blacksmith around, of course. Would you like to test out the words you're going to use to thank Mrs. Kirk as we ride?"
I wanted to turn him down positively so I said, "Thanks for offerin', but I can find the words."
HEYES
It was good to see the Kid where he belongs, here at Phoenix. Since he came here today, I won't be going into Three Birds today. I checked with Juan how Vince Borel was doing and was pleased to get a positive report. Then I found my wife and suggested we take little Nettie for a picnic. We needed time for the two of us. I want to tell Angie what the Kid did that night. My nightmares were disturbing both of our sleep.
And I wanted to survey some of the land we now own. When we bought the hill for Trinity Rose's gravesite, it was actually part of a very large land purchase that reached all the way to the low mountains that contain the real Solteria. The bank owned it and Mr. Robinson gave us an excellent price because we were the only buyers that had shown interest in it in two years. I don't want to go as far as Solteria today, just to the north aways. Travel in our new buggy is slower than on a horse, but it's good for the family. And I enjoy Angie sitting close to me as we ride. About an hour out, I stopped in a thick copse of trees by a lively stream. There's a small meadow amongst the trees.
"Oh look," said Angie, pointing to the cottontail rabbits on the far side of the grass. She held up the baby, who was too young to understand, describing the small animals to her. "Look at those long ears and big black feet. Aren't they cute, Nettie? And look at those cute little white tails."
I thought of all the stews that those "cute" little rabbits had made for me and the Kid when we were going for amnesty. But I said nothing about that to Angie, who had spread two blankets, one on top of each other and laid Nettie down gently. We had a picnic basket packed by Auntie with fried chicken, hard boiled eggs, and two pieces of cake. When I picked up an egg and chuckled, I had to tell Angie about the picnic that Chrissy made where the eggs hadn't been hardboiled.
Afterwards, I leaned back on my elbows and pulled her down near me. "Sweetheart, what you say that we build that home you dreamed of right here?" I asked her.
She sat up abruptly. "It certainly is beautiful here."
"But?" I asked as I sat up next to her. I had heard hesitation in her voice. I don't really want to move this far from Phoenix, but when I first met Angie, she was living off her sister and brother-in-law. She confided in me that her dream was a home of her own. I'm trying to give that to her…and still be there for the Kid…and have him nearby in case I need him.
Watching Nettie stretch in her sleep, Angie smiled at me. Her smile makes her hazel eyes twinkle. And I love that twinkle. She put her arms around my neck, and I gave her a long passionate kiss. If kisses like this are my reward, I'll build her whatever kind of house she wants. When our faces separated, she put a hand on each of my cheeks and gave me one last kiss. "Heyes, it is beautiful here," she repeated. "But I don't want to live anywhere but with our family at Phoenix. I want Nettie to grow up in that sprawling ranch house surrounded by that family."
"Really?" I know my features must have shown my relief. When I'm emotional, I can't hide it anymore. "Are you sure?" I asked her, smiling.
"Absolutely. Phoenix is our home, and I don't want to leave…unless you do?" she asked tentatively.
I took her in my arms. "I want to stay where we are. I healed there…I'm still healing. But I thought you wanted a home of your own."
"Phoenix is my home, our home, and one of the best gifts I got from our marriage." She looked at Nettie, now stretched out long, sleeping contently on the blanket. Then she moved closer, and we kissed again and our kisses turned into more. I never thought I'd ever get married, especially after how prison broke me. And then I met Angie. We laid there, in the open air, holding each other after.
I ran my finger down her cheek. She grabbed and kissed it. "Heyes?"
"Yes, sweetheart."
"What happened to Jed in Three Birds?" she asked. "And I don't mean his ankle."
"Ah…"
"You talk in your sleep, you know. And every night, multiple times each night, you yell, "No, Jed, stop, stop."
"I do?"
"And you plead with him not to pull the trigger," she finished. "If you don't want to tell me, I'll try and understand, but I want to help you."
I probably should have asked the Kid if I could tell Angie what he tried to do, but he wasn't here. And the truth was I needed Angie to know so she can help me. Help me fight my dreams and help me be there when the Kid needs me. I held her close so I could look over her shoulder and not into those hazel eyes. And I told her what happened that night and the trial after….and what was causing my nightmares. I already decided I wouldn't tell her that I had once thought that was the only way out for me, too.
"Chrissy knows?" she asked.
"Yes," I answered.
"Anyone else at Phoenix?"
"Rocky knows. I'll tell you how later. Right now, I just want to hold you and hear your voice telling me everything's going to be alright."
I expected gentle reassurance, but she pushed away from me. "And you wanted to move away from Jed and Chrissy now? Now when they need you more than ever? What were you thinking?" she demanded.
"When we met, you told me you wanted a house that was all yours," I said quietly. "I thought we could build that here and still be there for the Kid. Not sure how I planned to do that, though. I just wanted to give you what you were dreaming about."
"Hannibal Heyes, you have given me everything I've ever dreamed about - love, a daughter, a family I have come to love, and a home at Phoenix that I want to grow old in with you."
Smiling, I took her in my arms again until it was time to leave.
JED 'KID' CURRY
I thought quietly while Aiden drove the buggy to Mrs. Kirk's. Lom had left yesterday and said he'd see me in a few weeks for our trip. I just nodded then. I need to talk to Aiden if Lom means goin' to see Preacher. I broke the pact we made with Preacher. I feel such guilt about that. And I gave depression a path back into my thoughts and my body. I missed Chrissy and my kids so much, but they seem to be doin' fine without me.
"Jed! Did you hear me?" Aiden's insistent voice pierced my thoughts.
I almost dropped the stew pot on my lap. "Sorry, I was just thinkin'," I answered. Then I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to say. He pulled the buggy to the side of the road and asked the question I knew was comin'.
"What were you thinking about, Jed?" he asked.
I didn't want to answer. Didn't want to confess that I felt guilt again. But I only heard concern in his question, and I had agreed to ask for help if it returned. I looked down into the stew pot and was pleased my repair couldn't be seen. "Breakin' this pact I made with Lom and Preacher." I stopped there but he didn't say anything, just sat next to me. "Aiden, I was feelin' guilty about breakin' that pact. And I do, truly do want to get better, but when I started feelin' that guilt, that depression came back and…and…"
"And what, Jed?" Aiden's voice was gentle, friendly. I trust this man almost as much as I trust Heyes and Chrissy.
"Started thinkin' that Chrissy and my kids are doin' fine without me." I turned to look out my side of the buggy to hide the water in my eyes. I wish I could control my emotions.
"I saw your shoulders slump forward like you were carrying the weight of the world. We need to talk about this right now. Would you look at me, Jed?" I heard him ask that of Heyes many times when they were workin' together.
Lookin' at him, the water in my eyes turned into tears. "Sorry."
"Why didn't you tell me when these thoughts started?" Aiden asked.
"Happened so fast - went from happy to guilty so fast. Lom said he'll see me soon for our trip. And I thought I need to talk to you about that and then when we were ridin' I remembered breakin' my pact with Lom and Preacher and that's about when it happened. The depression grabbed me," I tried to explain but it was hard.
Aiden nodded. "And how do you feel now that we started talking about it?"
"I'm not good at sharin' my thoughts, Aiden. Rather just ignore them if I can. But…but will you help me?"
"If you'll trust me, I can. Lom did speak to me about your visit with Preacher in prison in a couple of weeks,' he started.
"He told you Preacher was in prison!" I raised my voice, upset with Lom.
"He did. I pushed him into it before I'd consider letting you go. If you do go, I'm going with you. From what Lom said, it might be good for you." Aiden's words allowed me to calm down. I'm gettin' better at that again. "Can you handle going without getting overwhelmed?"
I didn't answer. There were a lot of things to consider. Finally, I said, "I know this ain't the answer you want to hear, but truth is I need to think about that. Maybe talk over some things with Father Patrick."
Aiden smiled. "An honest answer, Jed. That's an improvement. We'll talk about it again when you decide the time is right. Those thoughts about guilt are natural. But you need to learn how to handle them so they don't linger. Agreed?"
"Agreed. Thanks," I said. I did feel better that I wasn't hidin' anything from him.
Aiden continued to Mrs. Kirk's home. I could see the holes in the front steps and the loose boards when we approached the house. He saw them, too.
"Jed, we're here to drop off her stew pot you repaired, not to fix her porch," Aiden said in his firm 'doctor's orders' voice before I got out of the buggy.
"Right. But how about I just replace that missin' board on the second step so she don't trip?" I asked.
With Aiden's help, I replaced the missin' board and then another, and nailed down the loose ones for the next forty-five minutes. If he hadn't helped, I'd have done it in half an hour. He's a worse carpenter than he is a painter.
I told Mrs. Kirk there weren't no charge for the stew pot and apologized for the delay in fixin' it. I told her I was grateful for her visit when I was doin' poorly.
"Dr. Arden, Mr. Curry, come inside; I've got something for you," she told us.
"Ma'am, we really must be on our way," Aiden told her.
"Well, then wait right here," she told us. I was hopin' for some cold lemonade, but she came out with a jar and gave it to Aiden. "This here is made from a recipe my mother and my mother's mother passed down to me. It's a salve that works better than any I've tried. Use it on Mr. Curry's ankles and they'll heal quicker."
I thought Aiden would refuse, but he unscrewed the top and smelled. "Is that menthol?" he asked.
"Among other things."
"Thank you, ma'am. I will try it. If it works, do you have more?" Aiden was intrigued, smellin', then feelin' the cream.
"Can always make more."
We were almost home before we talked again. "Jed, you feel better when you help someone like that?" he asked me.
"Wasn't nothin'. How we were raised," I answered. I spoke before I thought about bein' positive.
"I think you did good today. So how do you feel about that?" he asked.
I smiled and sat up straight. "Think you were right that Valpariaso made me feel terrible about people knowin' that I helped others. Connect it with being punished. Today I'm tryin' to appreciate your nice words," I answered truthfully.
"Good. Very good."
ASJ*****ASJ
"Jeff, I'm goin' along because you're askin' me to go and Heyes told me I can be there and only observe if I want," I told Jeff Birde. I walked swingin' my cane next to his rollin' chair as he headed to the new school room and the first meetin' of the new town council. Despite the efforts of Heyes and Aiden to call it somethin' else, I know this was a town council meetin'.
And earlier Heyes had told me, "There ain't no leader anymore. It's more to see what still needs to be done to get back to normal and how to spend the reward money. So, you're going." It was an order, not a question.
"I'll go," I said, resigned. "Aiden will be there…and Sheriff Birde, right?"
"Both will be there. And you belong there, Kid. You have good ideas, always made my plans better. You need to convince yourself this is a positive thing," Heyes told me.
I've been thinking about the positive thing since that talk with Heyes and the only positive thing I can think of is that I agreed to go. So, when Jeff stopped by the doctor's house to get me a few minutes ago, I was ready. And I do have some ideas for Three Birde, but first I'm gonna listen to what all these men have to say and their ideas. Maybe Heyes is right; I can make their ideas better.
