The Mayhem Critic

Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and I'm back with another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. When we last left off, Sean the Mayhem Critic reviewed the 1987 comedy Dragnet. Today, it's time to start another segment as Sean takes a look at some of the most nostalgic cartoon show intros that we all grew up with. Some good, some bad and some that are just plain weird in the new segment called "Rating Cartoon Show Intros". So sit back, relax, grab a cold one to drink and enjoy the newest chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy.

P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights and references belong to their respective sources.

Episode 219

Rating Cartoon Show Intros

The show opens with a shortened version of the "Mayhem Critic" intro before cutting to Sean in his office. He is sitting behind his desk looking at someone's classwork and sipping his cup of coffee from out of his DragonBall Z coffee mug until someone knocks on his door.

"Come in." Sean said

Taylor, who's playing a college student, enters the office and walks over to Sean's desk.

"You wanted to see me, Mr. Archer?" Taylor asked.

"Yes, Taylor. It's about your assignment. It stinks!" Sean exclaimed.

"Something I did wrong?" Taylor asked.

"Yes. In fact, I give you an assignment to talk about some of your show intros. It's horrible." Sean said.

(Cut to shots of the opening titles for the following shows: The Adventures of Gumball, Regular Show and Teen Titans Go!)

Sean: (V/O) They're standard, short and they're not exciting. We're talking about openings to your shows, they can't be that ordinary!

"Look, I know I did a horrible job, Mr. Archer. Please don't fail me. Maybe we can work something out so you can forget about that F." Taylor said in a seductive tone.

"My dear, sexual favors won't work on me." Sean said.

"Really, Sean? We're trying to do the college girl/teacher sex fantasy that you wanted to act out." Taylor said.

"Yeah, that and I want you to re-do your assignment. I want you to find some better openings to your shows." Sean said.

(Cut to another montage of cartoon show openings, these are relatively longer: Animaniacs, Tailspin, Rugrats and Superman: The Animated Series)

Sean: (V/O) Intros to shows are the most important part of any show. They have to establish the tone, the style and of course story of what we're about to see. And they leave an impact on us. So you and I are going to sit down and take a look at some of the memorable ones to see if they hold up well or not.

"I'm going to expect your assignment on my desk the very next day." Sean said.

"The next day? How am I going to get it all done before the next day?" Taylor asked.

Suddenly, Sean snaps his fingers and it is now the next day as the caption that reads "The Next Day" is shown.

"It is now the next day." Sean said.

"Wait, how did you..." Taylor said.

"I hope you got your assignment done and ready for me." Sean said, crossing his arms at Taylor.

"I do." Taylor said as she hands her assignment over to Sean.

"Let's see what you have for me. You better not disappoint me this time." Sean said.

The young critic looks over at the assignment and becomes intrigued with what he saw.

"Hmm... hmm... interesting. Well, let's take a look at what you got." Sean said.

Sean snaps his fingers and the title "Rating Cartoon Show Intros" is shown, the caption is written in red ink on a notebook paper background.

1. Biker Mice From Mars

(The intro starts as the title pops up)

Computer Voice: Biker Mice From Mars

Sean: (Narrating) Ah, now there's an intro that's awesome.

"And with an intro like that, you're sure hyped up for what's to come." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) The intro starts off with the title of the show. Hell, the computer voice kindly tells us what the name of the show is.

Computer Voice: Biker Mice From Mars. Biker Mice From Mars. Biker Mice From Mars.

"That's nice of you to let us know. Thought we were dealing with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or the C.O.W. Boys of Moo Mesa. Which should be in the same universe as these guys." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) We then cut to Mars as we see our three heroes making their escape from Mars.

(We see our heroes Throttle, Modo and Vinnie crashing through the wall of Dr. Karbunkle's lab as they ride off on their motorcycles while getting chased and shot at by the enemies while Lawrence Limburger and Dr. Karbunkle watch on)

"Shouldn't Mars be red just like on Total Recall?" Sean asked as a photo of Mars from Total Recall is shown. "And what kind of mad scientist has a lab in Mars?"

Sean: (Narrating) We then see our heroes leaving Mars and arriving in...

(The intro transitions to the Biker Mice arriving in Chicago)

"Chicago, of all places. What? Was Cincinnati not one of your go-to places to get away from Mars?" Sean asked.

(We see a giant Lawrence Limburger looming over the city and laughs)

"Jesus, Nick Adams really let himself go." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) We see that the Biker Mice jump over a giant hole. I don't know how must've been something they put in their motorcycles while they continue to get chased by Limburger's goons.

(Modo comes across Greasepit, who blocks his way. Modo holds his bionic arm out and knocks Greasepit off of his bike and fly directly into a car)

"Jesus! I think he broke that dude's neck with his bionic arm!" Sean exclaimed.

Sean: (Narrating) Not just breaking his neck, he totally killed him. That dude is dead as shit.

(We cut to Vinnnie as we see him getting chased by another one of Limburger'sgoons. He flies up in the on his red sports bike as one of the goons crash into a vehicle and explodes)

"Okay, we need to add a kill count counter for this one because the body count is rising." Sean said.

(Limburger gets angry. He turns around and sees Throttle, who drives up on him and rips off his mask, revealing his alien guise)

"I bet Nick Adams is a bloated alien from Plutark. He's wearing a rubber mask. Damn alpha male." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) We end the intro with our heroes saving Charley's life and she lands in Vinnie's arms and our heroes pose and the title is shown.

"Man, what an awesome intro." Sean said with a smile on his face.

Sean: (Narrating) You have motorcycles, explosions, rockin' music and some bad-ass characters that makes this intro epic.

"I'm giving this one an easy 5 out of 5." Sean said.

Biker Mice From Mars: 5 out of 5

2. He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

(The intro begins)

Singers: He-Man!

"Okay, I have one question to ask: does this make me gay for liking He-Man?" Sean asked. "I'm straight, right? If I like He-Man, I'm still straight, right?"

Sean: (Narrating) Okay, all jokes aside, this intro is pretty good and it really gets you invested fast. Just take a look at the first epic thing you see before the show starts.

(The Filmation logo with multicolored letters while making a xylophone sound and the caption that says "Presents" is shown making a ding sound)

"Not that, you idiot! The one after that." Sean said.

(The He-Man logo is shown)

Singers: He-Man!

Announcer: And the Masters of the Universe!

"Now that's epic!" Sean exclaimed.

Sean: (Narrating) After the title is shown, it starts off with Prince Adam introducing himself and his cat Cringer as he tells the story about how he became He-Man.

Prince Adam (Voiced by John Erwin): I am Adam. Prince of Eternia and defender of the secrets of Castle Greyskull. (His cat Cringer is shown, he is shaking in fear) This is Cringer... my fearless friend.

"Your fearless friend? He looks more like a scaredy cat." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, I can count out "fearless" when Cringer is acting like a little pussy.

Prince Adam: Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said... (Holds up his sword) By the power of Greyskull! (The sword starts glowing)

"Any explanation to why you said it or why you did that? Did you just go through your "By the power of Greyskull"-phase and suddenly it gives you fabulous secret powers?" Sean asked.

(Prince Adam transforms into He-Man)

He-Man: I HAVE THE POWER!

(He-Man zaps Cringer and he becomes Battle Cat after he gains strength and a helmet)

Sean: (V/O as He-Man) Oh, damn it! I was trying to blow up my own cat. Oh, well. At least he's not acting like a scaredy cat.

He-Man: Cringer became the Mighty Battle Cat, and I became He-Man the most powerful man in the universe.

(He-Man suddenly punches the screen with his fist, emitting a white flash)

"Okay, did he just punch the guy he was telling the story to?" Sean asked.

Sean: (V/O as He-Man) And I became He-Man, the most powerful... what you say about my mother?! Die, you son of a bitch!

(After the white flash, we see the credit "LOU SCHEIMER, executive producer")

"Huh, I thought that Lou Scheimer was the most powerful man in the universe. He's the executive producer of the show." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, don't you just love how the intro takes time to acknowledge Lou Scheimer and production director Hal Sutherland? How about you take time to acknowledge the caterers?

(The Sorceress, Man-At-Arms and Orko is shown followed by a shot of Castle Greyskulland transparent images of Trap Jaw, Mer-Man and Beast Man)

He-Man: Only a few others share this secret... our friends: The Sorceress, Man-At-Arms and Orko. Together we defend Castle Greyskullfrom the evil forces of Skeletor.

(The last image of Skeletor, gives his recognizable laugh)

We then cut to Sean as he starts laughing like Skeletor.

"Get a whiff of Skeletor's breakfast burrito." Sean said, imitating Skeletor while laughing like him." Sean said.

(Cut to footage from the show She-Ra: Princess of Power)

Sean: (Narrating) The show did get a spin-off called She-Ra: Princess of Power, which was aimed towards young female audiences and it has a very similar introduction.

(The intro starts as Princess Adora walks up to the camera)

Adora (Voiced by Melendy Britt): I am Adora, He-Man's twin sister...

"Uh, a little personal space would suffice. Please and thank you." Sean said.

Adora: Fabulous secrets were revealed to me the day I held aloft my sword and said...

"By the power of Greyskull!" Sean shouted.

Adora: (Holds up her sword) For the honor of Greyskull! (She transforms into She-Ra)

"Or you can just say "For the honor of Greyskull".

Sean: (Narrating) These intros are silly and weird, but they still have an epic feel to them.

"I'm gonna give it a 4 out of 5." Sean said.

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe: 4 out of 5

3. Hammerman

(The intro opens with live-action MC Hammer and animated MC Hammer)

MC Hammer: (Sings) Hammerman! Hammer! Hammerman! Hammer! Hammerman!

"Oh God, why did we let this happen?" Sean asked.

Sean: (Narrating) In case you didn't know, rapper MC Hammer used to have his own Saturday morning cartoon show back in 1991 called Hammerman.

"And why am I talking about the intro? Because good God it's ridiculous." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, imagine watching this show and you see MC Hammer rapping.

(The DIC logo is shown. It's the "Kid in Bed" version of the logo)

Child's Voice: Dic.

"Heh! He said "Dick". My warped, twisted mind." Sean said.

(The "Hammerman" intro plays)

MC Hammer: (Sings) Hammerman! Hammer! Hammerman! Hammer!

"What the hell did I just watch?!" Sean exclaimed.

MC Hammer: (Rapping) Whenever there's a crime, some crooks are gonna do time. They all better beware that Hammerman will be there.

Sean: (Narrating) And you know how the show's first episode deals with the character's origin story? Well, this whole entire intro deals with Hammerman's origin story.

MC Hammer: (Rapping) Here's how it started (talk!), a long time ago. The legend of the Hammer and how it began to grow. He was given magical shoes, from a hip-hop Motown dude. Together they had power, they stood up for what was right.

"Did those magical shoes sprout eyes and a mouth? And what kind of dude from Motown carries around magical shoes?" Sean asked.

Sean: (Narrating) I'm telling you, this feels like a drawn-out rap song. Just how much of your life story are you going to go into, dude?

Sean: (V/O as MC Hammer) Yo, I'm MC Hammer. Let me rap about how I became Hammerman. (Rapping) Here's how it started (talk!), a long time ago./ The legend of the Hammer and how it began to grow.

(Back to the cartoon intro)

Sean: (Narrating) I can see where the budget went. It obviously went into the intro, because it is so goofy.

(In the intro, the rap continues as we see Gramps, a.k.a. Soulman, getting old while stopping a nuclear bomb, a semi-truck, a train and a submarine and the next scene show the live-action MC Hammer bringing up the next transition as we see Gramps and his granddaughter Jodie arriving at the Oaktown Rec Center)

MC Hammer: (Raps) But Gramps was gettin' old and he couldn't keep up the fight (right!). So Gramps and his granddaughter, they went out on the road (searchin'!). To find a man they whocould jam who was worthy of the load.

"You guys picked Vanilla Ice, right?" Sean asked.

(We then see the titular character, Stanley, who is seen dancing with the children)

MC Hammer: (Raps) They met a guy named Stanley (Stanley!) who was dancin' every night. He helped the kids play every day, his heart was out of sight.

"Or MC Hammer." Sean said.

MC Hammer: (Continues the rap) So Gramps opened up the bag and took out the magical shoes...

"Okay, whoever came up with that line for that rap must be a fucking genius or they must've been fucking high." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, you think I'm gonna keep talking about the intro, the goddamn rap. Let me make it short for you, Gramps gives Stanley the magical shoes and Stanley became Hammerman. Jesus, it's a good thing Vanilla Ice never had a cartoon. All he had was this abomination (A poster for Cool as Ice is shown).

"Yeah, it'll be a cold day in hell if I ever review that movie. Hell, I would rather watch every sex scene from Tell Me Lies and jerk off too them rather than watch Cool as Ice." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, you got an intro with a drawn-out rap that should be legit to quit.

"I'm giving this one a 2 out of 5." Sean said.

Hammerman: 2 out of 5

"You better not disappoint me with the next one. Sean said.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Archer. It'll never happen again." Taylor said.

"Well, let's take a look." Sean said.

4. The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic SatAM and Sonic Underground

(We open with the intro to The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog as we open with a shot of a clock which turns into a sun with a face that smiles and we see Sonic the Hedgehog and Tails asleep in their hammocks. Sonic is awoken by the sound of an alarm and he falls out of the hammock and lands on top of Tails' hammock, waking him up as well)

"I can tell you that these two movies are better interpretations of Sonic the Hedgehog than this one." Sean said as the posters of Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic the Hedgehog 2 are shown.

Sean: (Narrating) Especially when an intro like that becomes fast-paced.

(The intro starts and it becomes fast-paced as we hear the Sonic the Hedgehog theme composed by Clark Gassman starts playing as we see Sonic running during the intro)

"Oh, boy. It's that show." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) The funny thing is, it starts out with the classic Sonic the Hedgehog theme like on the video game. This one makes you think that you're about to watch something cool.

(We cut to the beginning of the intro)

"Oh, boy. I can't wait to watch Sonic the Hed..." Sean said.

(Suddenly, the alarm rings, waking up Sonic and Tails as we see the duo spring from out of their hammocks and Sonic running super-fast)

"What the hell am I watching?" Sean asked.

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, I can tell that we're doomed from the start when a bunch of stuff is happening in the intro. Hey, in case you don't know what the show is, then let us flash the name for you.

(We see Sonic's name pushing Dr. Robotnik out of the way)

"Get used to seeing that, ladies and gentlemen. Because you're gonna keep seeing it throughout the intro." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, we get it. There's Sonic! Hey, Sonic! Hello, Sonic! What's happenin', Sonic?! Sonic! The intro's just completely all over the place. I don't even know what's going on.

(A clip from Transformers: The Movie is shown)

Galvatron (Voiced by Leonard Nimoy): This is bad comedy.

(We then cut to the intro to Sonic SatAM)

Sean: (Narrating) Sonic actually had two other shows back in the 90s, one that actually came out the same year as The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog called Sonic the Hedgehog, also known as Sonic SatAM.

(We are shown the intro to Sonic SatAM as we see Sonic the Hedgehog running through the woods and into Mobotropolis as a giant flagship appears)

Singer: Blue streak speeds by, Sonic the Hedgehog.

(We then cut to a much more menacing Dr. Robotnik in his flagship while petting his pet bird Cluck)

"Not only do we get the best Sonic show ever, we get the best damn Robotnik ever, aside from Jim Carrey's version of Robotnik." Sean said as a picture of Robotnik from the movie version of Sonic the Hedgehog is shown.

Sean: (Narrating) Also, don't you just love that awesome theme song? It's much better than the goofy theme from the other Sonic show.

(Robotnik's flagship flies over Mobotropolis as it turns into a polluted, industrial city called Robotropolis. We then see Sonic, Princess Sally, Rotor the Walrus and Bunnie Rabbot trying to sneak past the roboticized citizens and they enter the power plant via the vent)

Singer: Too fast for the naked eye, Sonic the Hedgehog. Sonic! He can really move. Sonic! He's got an attitude. Sonic! He's the fastest thing alive!

(Sonic runs up a wall while two of the robot guards crash into the wall)

"Okay, these are some of the most clumsiest guards of all time. Hell, they're even clumsier than the stormtroopers." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) The intro ends with Sonic and the gang destroying one of Robotnik's power plants and Robotnik having a major fit while everyone in the village of Knothole cheer for Sonic and he gets a kiss from Princess Sally and we get the most awesome title screen ever.

(We then cut to the intro to Sonic Underground from 1999)

Sean: (Narrating) Sonic also had another show with Sonic Underground. And this one focuses on Sonic and his siblings...

"His two siblings that were never in the video games." Sean said as Sonic's siblings Sonia and Manic are shown.

(The theme song, sung by Michael Lanning, starts)

Michael Lanning: (Sings) Triplets born, the throne awaits. A seer warns of a deadly fate. Give up your children, separate. Bide your time, lie in wait!

"Oh, yeah. That's a good idea. Let's separate the triplets so they won't get killed by some maniacal fat dictator." Sean said.

(We then see Sonic, Sonia and Manic fighting the Swat-bots, Sleet and Dingo with their medallions that turn into musical instruments that can be used as weapons. Sonic's turns into an electric guitar, Sonia's turns into a keyboard and Manic's turns into a drumset)

Michael Lanning: (Sings) Sonic Underground! Sonic Underground! They made a vow, their mother will be found!

"Did they just use their musical instruments as weapons?" Sean asked,

(Cut back to the intro as we see that their medallions turn into musical instruments)

Sean: (Narrating) Not only that, they were medallions at first and they turned into weapons.

"Guitar Center needs to stop selling their deadly musical instruments." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) We get a rockin' theme, we get to see Sonic's love for chili dogs and Sonic and his siblings playing their instruments and entertaining people with their rock band.

Michael Lanning: They made a vow, their mother will be found!

"Yeah, I'm probably sure that they'll find their mother. The show only lasted a season." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) These intros are still entertaining, even though the first one's was goofy, the other two were an improvement.

"I'm giving them 4 out of 5." Sean said.

The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic SatAM and Sonic Underground: 4 out of 5

5. Thundarr the Barbarian

(The intro opens with a shoto of the Sunsword and the title of the show and we see our title character Thundarr the Barbarian standing underneath the title with Ookla the Mok and Princess Ariel)

Narrator (Voiced by Dick Tufeld): Thundarr the Barbarian.

"And this is the manly version of He-Man." Sean said. "Only manlier and straighter."

The audience starts booing at Sean.

"What? What? What? Something I said?" Sean asked.

(Thundarr swings the Sunsword around and a flash of light cuts to spaceas we see the Earth and the moon. A runaway planet hurdles between the Earth and the moon, shattering the moon in two pieces and the Earth's atmosphere, causing catastrophic destruction like tidal waves and volcanoesdestroying various cities)

Narrator: The year, 1994. From out of space, comes a runaway planet, hurtling between the Earth and the moon, unleashing cosmic destruction. Man's civilization is cast in ruin.

"Damn, 1994 was a catastrophic year!" Sean exclaimed with a shocked look on his face.

Sean: (Narrating) You have tidal waves, volcanoes and the movie Exit to Eden being a disaster in theaters. (The poster for the 1994 comedy Exit to Eden is shown)

(We then see the aftermath, 2000 years later as we see that the year has turned into a pre-apocalyptic world and we get a shot of a beast-man and a sorcerer who unleashes a creature with wings)

Narrator: Two thousand years later, Earth is reborn. A strange, new world rises from the old. A world of savagery, super-science and sorcery.

"Yeah, that's not the type of world I want to live in two thousand years later where the evil version of the sorcerer from Fantasia unleashes the creature from Star Wars." Sean said.

(We then see Thundarr the Barbarian, whose chained in an arena as he breaks through his bonds and gets ready to fight a group of mutants)

Narrating: But one man bursts his bonds to fight for justice.

"Uh, was Thundarr chained in an arena and surrounded by mutants who are about to whip him? Uhhh... No gay overtones here." Sean said.

(We then cut to his companions Princess Ariel and Ookla the Mok and we see Ookla throwing a Volkswagen Beetle while Ariel uses her magic to trap the mutants in a magic cage)

Narrator: With his companions Ookla the Mok and Princess Ariel...

"Okay, that was a Volkswagen Beetle that he just threw. And it was in perfect condition. How was it still in perfect condition after two thousand years?" Sean asked.

(We then see Thundarr riding on a white horse as he jumps off and tackles a mutant before we see him jumping through a hole and swinging his Sunsword. We then see a villain, who's normal face switches to an evil face and Ariel is deflecting his attacks and we see Ookla growling and breaking the controls with his feet)

Narrator: ...he pits his strength, his courage and his fabulous Sunsword against the forces of evil.

(We see Thundarr swinging his Sunsword)

"And I think that Thundarr just killed the the cameraman with his Sunsword." Sean said.

Sean: (V/O as Thundarr) I'm Thundarr the Barbarian. Die, cameraman!

(The cameraman screams as Thundarr swings his Sunsword)

(The intro ends with a shot of the title screen)

Narrator: He is Thundarr the Barbarian!

"This intro is still epic back in the 80s and it's still epic now. I'm giving this one a 5 out of 5." Sean said.

Thundarr the Barbarian: 5 out of 5.

6. Count Duckula

(The intro begins with a lightning strike that reveals an organ that's really drawn)

"Okay, this looks pretty interesting. Go on."Sean said.

(An abnormal-looking castle is shown next, accompanied by some over-the-top yet hammy narration done by the late Barry Clayton)

Narrator (Voiced by Barry Clayton): Castle Duckula. Home for many centuries to a terrible dynasty of vicious vampire ducks.

Sean began to chuckle for a bit.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?" Sean asked, trying to keep a straight face.

(A group of bats fly towards the camera and we see the word "Duckula" written in blood)

Narrator: The counts of Duckula

"The counts of Duckula? My God, you were just waiting to explain the story, didn't you, dude?" Sean asked.

(We then see a vampire duck turning into the word "Duckula" before getting shot by a stake through the heart, followed by another vampire duck who gets exposed by sunlight and turned into ash. Then, images described by the narrator are shown)

Narrator: Legend has it that these foul beings can be destroyed by a stake through the heart, or exposure to sunlight. This does *not* suffice, however, for they may be brought back to life, by means of a secret rite, that can be performed once a century when the moon is in the eighth house of Aquarius.

"The opening to Super Castlevania IV didn't take itself too seriously! You just had to ham it up." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) We then see the ritual not going as planned as somebody adds ketchup instead of blood and we see the vegetarian vampire duck known as Duckula being reincarnated. And we get the most funkiest 80s cartoon theme ever.

(The theme song is sung by Mike Harding)

Mike Harding: (Sings) In the heart of Transylvania, in the vampire hall of fang, yeah...

"What?" Sean asked with a confused look on his face.

Mike Harding: ...in the vampire hall of fang, yeah.

"The vampire hall of fang, yeah. Were you guys desperate for a rhyme but you didn't have much time?" Sean asked.

Mike Harding: If you're looking for some fun, you can always count upon, the wild and wacky one they call...

Deep Voice: DUCKULA!

(The caption "Duckula" is shown and Count Duckula pops up above the title and shrugs his shoulders)

Count Duckula (Voiced by David Jason): Heh-heh, Count Duckula! Heh-heh-heh-heh!

"I agree with you, Duckula. I don't know what the British were smoking when they came up with this cartoon. Weird." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Aside from the goofy intro, we then get the end credits, which gets pretty weird because the song gets interrupted by random clips.

Mike Harding: If you're feelin'... (The image of a live-action woman screaming pops up) Or you kind of... (A man wearing a top hat and cloak runs from right to left) Could be you've met up with...

Deep Voice: Duckula.

"Okay, I know that the Nostalgia Critic did this on his "Grading Cartoon Show Intros" video, so I'm gonna try this one out. I'm gonna add some random clips to the song and I mean really random. Let's try some out." Sean said.

Mike Harding (Singing) If you're feelin'...

(A clip from The Hunt for Red October is shown)

Captain Marko Ramius (Played by Sean Connery): More tea, anyone?

Mike Hardin: (Singing) Or you kind of...

(A clip from Sixteen Candles is shown)

Long Duk Dong (Played by Gedde Watanabe): What's happenin', hot stuff?

Mike Hardin: (Singing) Could be you've met up with...

Deep Voice: Duckula.

"Okay, this is pretty fun, let's try out some more." Sean said with a smile on his face.

Mike Hardin: (Singing) If your knees go...

(A clip from The Secret of My Success is shown)

Howard Prescott (Played by Richard Jordan): Oh. What's for dinner?

Mike Hardin: (Singing) And your teeth go...

(A clip from Batman: Mask of the Phantasm is shown)

Phantasm (Voiced by Stacy Keach): Your angel of death awaits.

Mike Hardin: (Singing) Maybe you've bumped into...

Deep Voice: Duckula.

"This is pretty amazing. you can put anything in there. Let's try one more for the road." Sean said.

Mike Hardin: (Singing) If you're sort of...

(A clip from Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl is shown)

Captain Jack Sparrow (Played by Johnny Depp): Why is the rum gone?

Mike Hardin: (Singing) Or you're a little...

(A clip from Ghostbusters II is shown)

Vigo the Carpathian (Played by Wilhelm Von Homburg and voiced by Max Von Sydow): I, Vigo, the Scourge of Carpathia, the Sorrow of Moldavia, command you!

Dr. Janoz Poha (Played by Peter MacNicol): (Gets down on his hands and knees) O command me, lord!

Mike Hardin: (Singing) It's certain you've ran into...

Deep Voice: Duckula.

"Try some at home. I would love to see what you guys could come up with." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) It's super goofy with some great animation, hammy narration and a funky-as-hell theme song.

"I'm giving this one a 5 out of 5." Sean said.

Count Duckula: 5 out of 5.

7. The Super Mario Bros. Super Show

(The intro opens with a shot of Mario's head)

Mario (Voiced by "Captain" Lou Albano): Hey, paisanos, it's The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!

(He says the title of the show as it pops up to the sound of the Mario "coin collect" sound effect)

"Boy, and I thought that The Super Mario Bros. Movie was a better interpretation of Super Mario Bros." Sean said as the poster for The Super Mario Bros. Movie is shown.

Sean: (Narrating) And you knowit gets pretty ridiculous when it opens with a rap song.

(A live-action Mario and Luigi, played by "Captain" Lou Albano and Danny Wells (who also do the voices for the show as Mario and Luigi), start dancing to the rap)

Mario and Luigi: (Rapping) Where the Mario Bros and plumbing'sour game...

"Oh, God. What were we thinking?" Sean asked, covering his face in shame.

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, we let this happen. And you wanna know what's funny? This one and the 1993 film adaptation both started out with the Mario theme, making you think that you're about to watch something good.

(The Mario theme music starts playing)

"Oh, yeah! Mario time! I can't wait to watch..." Sean said.

Mario and Luigi: (Rapping) We're the Mario Bros and plumbing's...

"What the fuck is that?" Sean asked.

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, it's that show, folks. We're starting off with a bad rap. Plus, don't you just love the choreography? It's like some kind of dance move that my drunk Uncle Wade would do. Hey, everybody let's do the Uncle Wade Shuffle.

(During the intro, the rap continues and we see the cartoon Mario and Luigi sliding down a flagpole alongside Princess Toadstool and Toad as it makes the flagpole sound effect from the game)

Mario and Luigi: (Rapping) H-Hooked on the brothers!

(Mario then runs past King Koopa before breaking a block as King Koopa just looks at him)

"I can practically see the look in King Koopa's eyes." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) He's practically like, "Oh, God! We're starting off with a Mario Rap." Yeah, that's the same look that I made. I don't know what they were thinking, guys.

Mario and Luigi: (Rapping) Yo, you're in for a treat, so hang onto your seat. Get ready for adventure and remarkable feats. You'll meet Koopas, the Troopas, the Princess and others. Hangin' with the plumbers, you'll be hooked on the brothers. To the bridge!

"What?" Sean asked.

Mario and Luigi: (Rapping) To the bridge

"Did he just say, do the bridge?" Sean asked.

Mario and Luigi: (Rapping) To the bridge.

"Tell the French? Are you trying to get the European ratings up so they could find you funny? Hey, guys! Let's tell the French about The Super Mario Bros. Super Show. They'll love us!" Sean exclaimed.

(We then see live-action Mario and Luigi running through the landscape)

"Hmm, that's a bad green screen effect here, guys. I know you're a syndicated show, but damn that looks bad." Sean said.

(Cut to the show's title card and the main characters flying towards Mario's head on a magic carpet, ending the intro)

Mario and Luigi: (Rapping) I say-a h-h-h-h-hooked on the brothers, the brothers, the brothers...

"Hell, it's bad enough that the animated movie has the Mario Bros. rap and it was for their commercial." Sean said.

(We are shown another intro for another Mario show, this time it's The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3, which starts off with a scrapbook opening up, showing Mario, Luigi, Princess Toadstool and Toad, as they discover an air attack by King Koopa and the Koopa Kids)

Sean: (Narrating) Mario had two other shows after The Super Mario Bros. Super Show and the openings were different. One was The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3.

Narrator (Voiced by Ernie Anderson): It is a legend no one will forget.

"Ah, yes. They'll remember this one as long as they'll forget the second one." Sean said as the cover art for Super Mario Bros. 2 is shown.

Sean: (Narrating) Technically, the second one was all just a dream. So we're skipping that one and going for Super Mario Bros. 3. And when did we start numbering our cartoon shows? They put the number "3" at the end of the title. Couldn't you just call it "The Adventures of Super Mario Bros." instead of "The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3"? It's like calling Sonic the Hedgehog "The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog 3".

Narrator: Everyone thought King Koopa had left the Mushroom Kingdom, and then... his Doom Ship attacked! King Koopa was back! With the greatest danger ever known: his Koopa Kids!

"Oh, great. Who did he bang so they can give birth to his demon spawn?" Sean asked.

Narrator: With their new super powers, the Super Mario Bros. rescued Princess Toadstool and beat back the evil Koopa Family.

"Dude, spoilers!" Sean exclaimed.

(The intro ends with the scrapbook closing)

King Koopa (Voiced by Harvey Atkin): (V/O) I'll get those plumbers!

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that the narrator spoiled it for ya. You don't get the plumbers." Sean said.

(We then cut to the third show, Super Mario World and the theme song is composed and sung by Mark Mothersbaugh. This time, the show takes place in the Dinosaur World)

Sean: (Narrating) They also had another show with Super Mario World, which was part of Captain N and the New Super Mario World. This intro focuses on Mario and Luigi in prehistoric times. And of course, the theme song'sgotta be Jamaican.

Mark Mothersbaugh: (Sings) Super Mario World! It's a blast from the past! In Super Mario World, you've gotta move fast.

"Catchy song, but there's something that's just throwing me off." Sean said.

Back-Up Singer: (Sings) Super Mario… (voice lowers) World.

"Did the back-up singer just belch the word "world"?" Sean asked.

Back-Up Singer: (Sings) Super Mario… (voice lowers) World.

"Super Mario… (belches) World! Oops, sorry. I did not mean to burp while singing the song. Please forgive me." Sean said, imitating the back-up singer.

Sean: (Narrating) These intros are entertaining, even though they're awkward game advertisements.

"I'm giving these intros a 3 out of 5." Sean said.

The Super Mario Bros. Super Show (and it's spinoffs): 3 out of 5

8. The Wacky World of Tex Avery

(The intro opens with the title screen and the character Tex Avery. His head is shown with the title of the show while the theme song set to the tune of the "Can-Can" plays)

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a show that tarnished the great name of Tex Avery." Sean said.

(The intro is shown)

Sean: (Narrating) Whenever I think of Tex Avery, I think of The Tex Avery Show on CartoonNetwork and the short Red Hot Riding Hood. And what do they give us?

(The cowboy Tex Avery blasts through the title screen on his horse. He hops off of his horse and starts shaking everybody's hands)

Singer: (Sings) Welcome to the wacky, wack, wack. Wacky, wacky, wack, wack. Welcome to the wacky world of Tex Avery.

Sean sits his head down on his desk and groans in frustration.

(Sagebrush Sid appears as he starts shaking some hands and somebody's foot until he sees it and gets disgusted and a horseshoe falls on his head)

"Okay, did Dan Schneider get involved in the making of this intro because there's a foot in there." Sean said.

(We the cut to Pompeii Pete, who's standing out in the middle of a desert singing as Genghis the Lion and Dan pop up from the side of the screen. Pompeii Pete gets dragged by Genghis and Mooch the Fox as Amanda Banshee, Khannie the Panda Cub and Power Pooch start jumping up and down)

Sean: (Narrating) My God, this intro is all over the place. It's loud and obnoxious. This is what people who hate Animaniacs think Animaniacs is. It's hypnotically bad.

"I'm a Can-Can fan, but this is completely insane." Brian said.

Sean: (Narrating) Don't you just love the lyrics to the song? It's basically just them saying"Welcome to the Wacky World of Tex Avery".

Pompeii Pete: (Sings) Welcome to the wacky...

Genghis the Lion: (Sings) Wack, wack!

Pompeii Pete: (Sings) Welcome to the...

Dan: (Sings) Wack, wack!

Pompeii Pete: Welcome to the wacky world of Tex Avery.

"Hey, how about we keep repeating the same line over and over again just to annoy the shit out of people?" Sean asked, imitating the songwriter.

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, a group of people sat down and made this. And it's a show that France made. What were you thinking?

"No, no, no, no, no. This intro is too dumb and too stupid and they should be ashamed of themselves for tarnishing the good name of Tex Avery. I'm giving this one a 2 out of 5. Shame on you France. Shame on you." Sean said.

The Wacky World of Tex Avery: 2 out of 5.

9. SilverHawks

(The intro opens with a shot of Tally-Hawk standing in front of a shining blue light before flying off to HawkHaven. The music starts off with some synthesized 80s music)

Woman: Tally-Hawk!

"Oh, man. Now talk about an awesome intro!" Sean exclaimed with a smile on his face.

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, this is the space version of ThunderCats and this show is pretty good. And boy, the song is catchy just like ThunderCats. The song tells you everything that you need to know about SilverHawks.

Singers: (Sings) Wings of silver, nerves of steel. SilverHawks! Partly metal, partly real. SilverHawks!

"Well, I'm all caught up. Thanks for letting me know." Sean said.

(The intro is shown as we see our heroes, the SilverHawks, consisting of Quicksilver, Bluegrass, Steelheart, Steelwill and The Copper Kidd. We then get a short camera pan of Steelheart as she brings down her face plate and the others bringing down their faceplates)

Singers: (Sings) Partly metal, partly real. SilverHawks!

Sean: (Narrating) I just like to point out that the animation looks amazing just like the Thundercats intro. Not only that, but their armor is shiny as hell! That can easily blind somebody.

"You wish the ThunderCats had armor that shiny." Sean said.

(The intro continues as we get a shot of the SilverHawks soaring into space as the Mirage soars up and makes a rainbow, followed by a shot of Mon*Star transforming and the Mob as the SilverHawks fight them)

Sean: (Narrating) We get soaring into space, rainbows, a villain that acts like Mumm-Ra, but badass and you have Janice from Friends voicing one of the villains. Man, this intro deserves an awesome counter for that one.

(We cut to a shot of the Mirage as the camera zooms in and we see Bluegrass playing his guitar and we get a guitar riff for the song)

"Okay, that is a space cowboy playing a guitar in space. How fucking awesome is that?!" Sean asked.

(The part is replayed once more)

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, that is easily the best part of the intro. The guitar riff. Well, it's a keytar riff, that sounds so damn awesome. And I'm a sucker for 80s synthesizer music. God, I miss the 80s. Even though I was born in the 90s.

(Cut to a shot of Brim*Star and Mon*Star's lair, which is surrounded by the crimson Light Star beam and we see Mon*Star transforming in his spiked armor-plating)

"Yeesh! That looked liked that hurt!" Sean exclaimed.

Sean: (Narrating) Not only that, you can see his flesh rip off and spikes popped out of him. That definitely looked like it hurt.

(We then see the SilverHawks confronting Mon*Star and the Mob)

Sean: (Narrating) The intro ends with our heroes fighting Mon*Star and his gang and making him flee like a coward and they pose for the camera and we see the title screen. This intro is pretty awesome with some fantastic animation and an awesome song.

"I'm giving this one a 4 out of 5." Sean said.

SilverHawks: 4 out of 5

10. Batman: The Animated Series

(The intro opens with a shot of the Warner Bros. Animation logo, which fades into a black blimp in the red sky with two glowing lights while the iconic Danny Elfman theme starts playing)

"And I've saved the best for last. I'm about to talk about one of the greatest intros of all time to one of the greatest shows of all time. So, let's begin, shall we?" Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) The intro starts off with the Warner Bros. Animation logo turning into a police blimp...

"The same blimps that the police use to track down criminals." Sean said.

(We then see a pair of silhouetted criminals walk out of a bank)

Sean: (Narrating) We then see two shady-looking fellas robbing the bank and they end up blowing it up.

(The bank's entrance explodes and the criminals start running)

"Okay, quick question: why the hell did they blow up the bank?" Sean asked.

Sean: (Narrating) I thought they were trying to rob it, unless they were trying to steal money from the ATM and they used explosives on it. Wouldn't the money be up in smoke.

"I think those two are the same guys from World's Dumbest Criminals." Sean said.

(We then cut to a shot of the Batmobile driving out of the Batcave, as shown by a static cel image of the car and the moving background)

Sean: (Narrating) We get a shot of the Batmobile, which is a still image on a moving background as he gets ready to fight crime.

(We see the GCPD chasing the bank robbers. The police cruiser stops in front of the building as the camera pans up to the roof, the robbers are already there)

"How the hell did they make it up to the roof that quick?!" Sean asked.

Sean: (Narrating) Did these bank robbers just channel their inner Ricochet Rabbit and outrun the cops. Weren't the cops right behind them?

(The scene is played again, this time with a cartoony ricochet sound effect as we pan up to the roof. The criminals stop in place as they are confronted by Batman, who glares at them)

Sean: (Narrating) They then come across Batman and his menacing Bat-Glare and his missing white dot on his upper lip.

"Yeah, I know. When it was released on Blu-Ray, they got rid of the white dot. But on the DVD release, you can see the white dot on his lip." Sean said as the original image is shown)

(The robbers draw their guns, but Batman throws his Batarangs at them to knock them out of their hands and jumps on the first criminal, knocking him out. The second criminal takes a swing at Batman, but Batman swiftly dodges it)

"Okay, that was pretty cool!" Sean exclaimed with a smile on his face.

Sean: (Narrating) That shot right there is one of my favorite shots of the intro. And we haven't gotten to the best shot yet.

(The police come across the tied up criminals)

Sean: (Narrating) The intro ends with Batman leaving the criminals for the cops and we get to the best shot of the intro. Plus, our character is so well-known, he doesn't even need a title)

(The camera pans up to another building. Lightning strikes, revealing Batman standing on top of the building gloriously)

Sean releases a sigh of satisfaction and leans back against his desk chair.

"Man, that intro was awesome. Okay, I've got nothing else to say about this intro, let's just say that this is the best intro of all time. Every time I watch it, it gets better and better. This is an easy 5 out of 5." Sean said.

Batman: The Animated Series: 5 out of 5

"Well, that's enough for today. If you would like for me to continue segments like this, let me know in the comments. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and..." Sean said.

"So, does this mean that I pass?" Taylor asked.

"After seeing that intro, yeah, you passed!" Sean exclaimed. "And for that, I'm gonna reward you with something in the bed..."

Suddenly, Taylor runs out of the room and heads into their bedroom.

"Oh, Sean. I'm waiting. And remember the movie Blown Away with Corey Haim and Corey Feldman?" Taylor asked.

"Yeah?" Sean said.

"Remember the scene where Nicole Eggert was covering herself with a giant duck while she was completely naked?" Taylor asked.

Sean then turns to the camera and smiles. "See you guys later."

Sean then rushes out of the room as the camera pans down to his desk. Eerie music starts playing in the background as the drawer opens up to reveal a certain claw-like glove and a sinister laugh.

And that's all for the newest chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Hope that you all enjoyed the little segment. If you wanna see more segments like this, let me know in the comments. Next time on The Mayhem Critic, it's that time again. Next month is October and you know what that means…. IT'S HALLOWEEN HAVOC TIME! Sean kicks off Halloween Havoc VII with Wes Craven's classic horror film A Nightmare on Elm Street. Is it one of Wes Craven's best horror films and does it still hold up very well? After the review of A Nightmare on Elm Street, it's Cape Fear (1991). Make sure you leave a review, add this to your favorites and follow it for future updates. Also, if you want to do a co-review with me for any one of the movies for Halloween Havoc VII, feel free to PM me, if you're interested. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.