"Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!" Pinkie squealed happily, bouncing in the back seat of their ship as Clank set course for Planet Umbris. "We're going to go through Captain Qwark's training course! We're going to prove to be true heroes by the Qwark standard! And then we're going to save the galaxy with him!"

"Easy there, sugarcube. There's just somethin' botherin' me about this whole thing." Applejack said as she settled Pinkie down. "Did any of y'all see the look in Qwark's eyes? He looked...worried, guilty almost."

"I did notice he looked kinda shocked to see me," Rainbow noted. "And he did seem pretty nervous about something."

"That does seem rather suspicious..." Rarity said.

Twilight bit her lip, the logistics of her young mind running through the possible variables. Her optimistic side didn't want to believe it, but her logical side said that they needed to be prepared for anything. It also didn't help that Applejack did bring up a valid point, due to her being able to detect lies and dishonesty in others.

As they arrived on Planet Umbris, Qwark greeted them via a megaphone on a helicopter.

"Welcome to my Challenge Course! Now is your chance to prove yourselves strong and brave, like me!" He chuckled deprecatingly. "Conquer it, and you'll join me in my fight against evil!"

"Haven't we done enough already!" Ratchet called back.

"We'll clear this course in record time, sir!" Hilda called out.

"What?" Qwark called out. "I can't hear you!"

Pinkie yanked a megaphone of her own out of her hair and then screamed right into it, making it loud enough for Qwark to hear.

"We'll clear this course in record time, sir!"

"That's the spirit! Do me proud!" Qwark called back before lowering the megaphone. "Do me proud..."

Clank wasn't certain, but he could have sworn he saw a brief conflicted look flash across Qwark's face as the chopper flew off. He turned to Applejack and he could tell she noticed the same thing as he did.

"Alright! Let's go!" Pinkie said eagerly as she rushed off towards the course.

"Pinkie Pie!" The other girls called out as they chased after her.

"Kids!" Hilda called out in maternal concern as she, Ben, Ratchet, and Clank followed suit.

Pinkie, however, plainly had no intention of slowing down. Leaping into a long glide over the first gap, she used her Swingshot to latch onto the second target for an extra boost in speed and altitude, which allowed her to easily soar over the first bomb launching turret, dropping a bomb from her Bomb Glove to blow it up and clear the path for the others.

Wanting to help Pinkie, Twilight charged her horn and shot a fireball that took out the next turret as Pinkie came in for a landing on the bridge. As she came across the first set of proximity mines, Rarity seized them in her telekinesis, dragging them along behind her as she ran.

"What in the hay are you gonna do with those, Rares?" Applejack asked.

"Something a bit risky!"

With a swift flourish, Rarity used the proximity mines to take out any other obstacles along the path, along with bomb-launching turrets she could destroy, always making sure to hold at least three mines for emergencies.

Rainbow used her speed to activate the pressure switches where three needed to be pressed within a certain time limit to unlock the next path. Fluttershy, Applejack, and Pinkie then cheesed the next timed switches by pressing on them simultaneously while Twilight, Rainbow, and Rarity took out the bomb turrets in the way.

The six crossed the next bridge, which suddenly collapsed behind them. However, Rarity and Twilight combined their magic to make a narrow pathway for Ratchet, Clank, Ben, and Hilda to cross over before continuing onward.

"With a hop, a skip, and a jump!" Fluttershy recounted to herself as she leaped over the unsteady parts of the next bridge.

"Awwww yeah!" Rainbow cheered, using her hoverboard to race through the barbed wire maze and keep her above the machine gun fire.

"Man, we're all just cheesing this here obstacle course!" Applejack noted.

"I know, isn't it so much fun?!" Pinkie cheered.

Eventually, the Mane 6 came to a screeching halt at the edge of a large pool. And unfortunately, none of them could swim.

"Awww, bummer!" Pinkie moaned.

"And we were doing so awesome too!" Rainbow complained.

"Maybe it'll actually be better to let Mama, Papa, Daddy, and Mr. Clank stick with us from now on when they catch up." Fluttershy softly suggested.

"I believe that is an adequate suggestion, Fluttershy." Rarity said before giving Pinkie the stink eye. "When they do catch up, don't go running off again when the path is cleared."

Spotting a large, predatory-looking fish in the pool, Twilight seized it in her telekinesis before sending a magic spear into its skull, killing it quickly before roasting it with a fireball. Needless to say, Fluttershy fainted dead away at the graphic sight.

"Ooooh, I was craving sushi!" Pinkie beamed.

"Well, Grandpa Grim was giving me cooking lessons..." Rarity mused as she formed some tools with her magic.

The six kids sat around and filled their stomachs after Rainbow managed to shake Fluttershy awake. Fortunately, since they cleared most of the obstacles already, they didn't have to wait long for their parents to show up.

"Don't go out of our sight again, okay?!" Hilda scolded before wiping her brow with her fat fist. "Phew! I think I lost a pound over there..."

"Well, Pinkie here got a might excited." Applejack playfully said as Pinkie was happily eating some of the sushi Rarity had prepped. "Any of y'all hungry?"

"Starving, why?" Ben asked before being handed his own batch of sushi. "Ooooh, California Rolls, my favorite!"

"How come you stopped?" Ratchet asked as he helped himself to some food as well.

"Because we can't swim," Fluttershy reminded sadly.

"Oh, I keep forgetting to teach you!" Hilda cursed, smacking her forehead. "Mama's sorry, babies."

"It's okay, Ma. We still got time to learn." Rainbow reassured.

"Might as well try out the Hydrodisplacer we got at the BTS Station," Ben said as he went to work on the interface, instantly draining the whole pool. "Sweet! And I heard Gadgetron originally made this to clean Valkyrie toilets!"

"TMI, dude..." Ratchet groaned.

"Alright, onward!" Pinkie said as she jumped into the drained pool, followed by everyone else.

Running through the tube at the bottom of the pool, Twilight used a magic bridge to help everyone cross the next pool. Ben then emptied the Hydrodisplacer into the ocean off the side of the platform before draining the next pool. Following the no-longer underwater path, Rarity used magic steps to allow everyone to ascend back to the path before using a series of small magic bridges to cross the next two pools before depressing the switches to open up the door as they went.

"Oh, I must say, I have to thank you for helping me with my magic. Twilight." Rarity smiled to her Alicorn sister.

"No problem, Rarity."

"Hey, the Captain's there waiting for us!" Rainbow said as everyone saw Captain Qwark was indeed there.

"We made it!" Pinkie called out happily, rushing up to the Captain. "Did we make a record? Did we? Did we?"

"Indeed you did!" Qwark proclaimed, surprised at how fast they arrived. "You cleared the course faster than I usually do. You all continue to surprise me..."

Once more Applejack's honest eyes saw the look of conflict on Qwark's face but he seemed to shake it off before gesturing for the Mane 6 to step onto what he called 'The Ring of Heroes'.

"You six have shown admirable bravery, camaraderie, and firepower to make it this far and for that, I award you as honorary members of my team of heroes!" He said proudly before gesturing to Ratchet, Clank, Ben, and Hilda to step on. "As for you four..."

"Ratchet!" Clank called back as he raced onto the platform. "This is no time to be cautious! We have reached our goal!"

"I dunno...something fishy is going on here," Ratchet said nervously, keeping his eye on Qwark.

"Girls, if you would all please step this way." Qwark gestured for the Mane 6 to step to the side before taking a deep breath as if steeling his nerves...and pressing the button he had hidden behind his back.

The platform suddenly dropped, causing Ratchet, Clank, Ben, and Hilda to fall into the depths with a scream of alarm. The Mane 6 all gasped in horror at what happened before turning to Qwark.

"Why did you do that? What's the big idea?!" Rainbow demanded.

"Girls, I'm sorry..." Qwark sighed. "I've...been working with Drek."

Pinkie gasped loudly. "But why?!"

"He's made me the spokesperson of his new planet...so as much as I don't want to do this, I have to stop your family from stopping him."

"That's preposterous!" Rarity said. "Don't you know he's damaging so many planets to get what he wants?"

"Do you think I don't know that?!" Qwark snapped. "But I promise you, when all this is over, I'll make sure all the people on those planets will get new homes! Better homes!"

"Qwark, you're nuts!" Twilight called out. "The galaxy isn't going to reward that kind of stupidity!"

"Maybe it won't..." Qwark muttered sadly. "I wish it hadn't come to this. But I promise, I'll make sure you six will be right by my side in helping fix the damage Drek's done when all this is over!"

"But what if Drek doesn't stop at just one planet!" Fluttershy pointed out, tears of hurt in her eyes. "What if he betrays you?!"

A pained look crossed Qwark's face at the sight of the hurt and betrayed looks on the Mane 6's faces before turning to leave.

"One of my starships is nearby. You just have to follow me and I promise you'll be safe." He said firmly. "This is for your own good!"

"No...THIS IS!" Rainbow snapped as she and the Mane 6 all defiantly jumped down into the hole.

"No!" Qwark called out, reaching out to stop them before clenching his fist tightly. "Darn it...why couldn't this be easy...?!"


Ratchet, Clank, Ben, and Hilda had landed in a magma chamber...with a Blargian Snagglebeast waiting for them.

"That weasel! He backstabbed us!" Hilda called out.

"And he left us as food for his pet!" Ben added.

"But...why would he do this?" Clank asked, a betrayed look on his face.

"No idea, Clank. My guess; he and Drek were in cahoots this whole time!" Ratchet snarled as he readied his Blaster. "Gear up, guys! We gotta take this beast down and get back to the kids! Who knows what he's planning on doing to them!"

Hilda let out a sharp gasp of horror before her eyes narrowed angrily. As the Blargian Snagglebeast moved to perform a double axe handle smash, the fat girl threw her Titan Wrench at its face and knocked it upside the head, making it fall down before she forced its jaws open and aimed her RYNO straight into its mouth.

"SAY 'ELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!"

The Blargian Snagglebeast was filled up with so many rockets, that its entire body went up like a nuclear bomb. Ratchet, Clank, and Ben shielded their eyes as the dust settled before seeing Hilda walk up, her RYNO in one hand and her Titan Wrench in the other.

"Hell hath no fury like a mother scorned, baby!"

Ben just stared at the big beautiful goddess in front of him, his face flushed red and a slight bit of drool leaking out as Ratchet awkwardly waved his hand in front of his brother.

"Mama! Papa! Daddy!"

The Mane 6 all came down, Pinkie using balloons as a makeshift parachute while Twilight carried Rarity in her arms and Rainbow and Fluttershy doing the same for Applejack.

"Girls!" Hilda cried as she, Ratchet, and Ben ran over and hugged the six. "Did that bad man do anything to you?!"

"No, Ma, we're fine." Rainbow said before frowning sadly. "I don't know about Qwark though."

"That rat!" Ratchet scowled, punching his fist into his palm. "We're not gonna let him get away with this!"

"He had no intentions of hurting us, Daddy." Twilight explained. "In fact, he was genuine in wanting us to be heroes alongside him...but his idea of being a hero was helping endorse Drek's planet and then go on to find new homes for the planets the Blarg ransacked."

"While there is some noble intent in that goal, he should not have made such a deal with Chairman Drek," Clank said. "It seems the situation has become much more dire..."

"All my life, I had a feeling in my gut Qwark wasn't all he was cracked up to be..." Ratchet said. "But...you girls always thought he was so cool and a part of me looked up to him once too..."

"It's okay, Daddy..." Pinkie sadly said, her mane flat. "The thing that hurts the most is...Qwark was actually sorry for betraying us."

"And it weren't no fib either," Applejack added. "I could see it in his eyes."

"Regardless of what Qwark's own intents are, he's in league with Drek and we need to stop them both now," Ben said. "Neither of them can get away with this."

"Hey, there's an Infobot!" Pinkie said, pointing to an Infobot making its way over, waving to everyone.

"I wonder what it is for."

The group all decided to take a look at what was going on as the Infobot showed what it had recorded.

"We're pinned down! We're pinned down! The ships are hammering our position from the air!" A commando cried as what looked like a vicious battle was going on, dodging explosions. "That was a little too close! We need support, now! Actually, I need support. My entire battalion went AWOL and left me to fight this war on my own! If the enemy doesn't kill those guys, I will! I'm not gonna last much longer! Requesting immediate assistance! Over and out!"

"Those are Drek's ships destroying that planet! We must help that commando!" Clank said urgently.

"But how are we gonna get there?" Rarity asked.

Rainbow looked around before noticing a star cruiser with Qwark's insignia on it and grinned.

"I think I have an idea..."


With the new star cruiser in hand, the group blasted off, setting a course for Planet Batalia, which was where the coordinates were located.

"The day still needs saving, Captain or no Captain," Ratchet said firmly. "Drek won't get away with any of this."

There was an air of somberness with the family but also a newfound sense of purpose and vigor installed in them. They would not go down the same path Qwark did; they would save the galaxy and all the planets from Drek's insane scheme, no matter what.


Like Tatsurou's The Sparkle in his Eye, I made Qwark more human here compared to how much of a bastard he was in the first two games before his redemption arc in Up Your Arsenal and beyond. How this will affect Going Commando is anybody's guess when the time comes.

Anyway, I hoped you liked Hilda going Doomslayer on the Blargian Snagglebeast at least. If there's one thing I love just as much as big beautiful women, it's women who can kick ass.