CHAPTER 58

I do not own skip beat! Yoshiki Nakamura does.

Rubbing salt…

Weeks passed by. And her will ebbed away alongside days ticking off.

Her nails' fingers were grabbing at the edge, at the very crumbles of her willpower; most of her body already dangling above the precipice of what she truly wanted.

Because regardless what she had kept telling herself, her spirit had been bent to this new dynamic created in front of eyes and she had desired it to such lengths, resisting hadn't even been a thought before it was too late.

She had tried to pinpoint when exactly it had escaped out of her control. When it had been too late to prevent this sort of fate to occur. But she couldn't. Not really. She could make a few guesses though. The Christmas ball was one. The lunch at the book pastry was another. But maybe things had been carved to become that way long before that. She didn't know. But sometimes, sometimes, it was just easier to think that way. If fate had a hand at it then she wasn't the irresponsible one.

It felt so unavoidable at times. Ineluctable. No matter how she would look at it now, she would see the path she was walking on leading to this, on this precise setting.

Each time a step closer. She would spot it, bright in colours, that fate of hers. What was she supposed to feel then?

It felt wonderful. It felt gut-wrenching. It felt cosy and incomparably treasurable. It felt like the sweetest worst torture ever. It felt like missing a piece and finding it. It felt living in a loop of hell you'd wish to embrace forever and protect until the end of times.

It felt like grazing light and warm but staying ever one step away of fastening your arms around it. Out of your grasp but barely. Brushing at times.

It felt blinding in joy and it felt like a roar of infinite pain inside of her.

And that was why her will was now lying at her feet, faltered. No. Crumbled.

Only remain longing and pain.

Because those last weeks they had seen each other. She had spent time with Ren. Too much. Still too little. She didn't know. She felt lost.

Ren would call her to propose to take a coffee, some lunch or even chat during some walk if they close by from the same location when they would have time. And she hadn't been damn strong enough to refuse. Yes had stumbled out each and every single times. Sometimes, after some pleading from his side, at first. Because she had still been trying before. Soon though, she would agree away to most of his propositions, just to hear his incomprehensible joy or see his glorious smile more. To just spend a little more time with him.

Even when it was more than 3 times a week, she would still agree. No matter their packed up schedules.

No more resistance.

But far worse: No more distance.

They would talk about everything and nothing. Sharing titbits of all they missed those years apart. She would feel tempted to confide more and more, barely still resisting. Spending time together laughing.

And more and more, that frustrating man would touch her. Putting a lock back in place for her and making her poor heart stop, hugging her briefly and so very not enough but already all too much.

It was maddening.

They were closer and more relaxed with each other than ever. It was scaring her. She felt like she was going to drown. Willingly.

And she loved every hour, every minute, every second of those moments. She wanted more. Or at least, she wanted everything she could grasp. Every crumbles he would give her, she would greedily take.

She wanted to fly away, she wanted to glue herself to him and bask in this proximity. He was driving her nuts.

She was a mess.

Her hands shook and she hung her head in shame as she stared at her defeated volition.

And that's why she was now finding herself on the verge of doing one of the most painful things she could ever have imagined needing to do.

She breathed in deeply, collecting herself. There was a reason it needed to be done. There was no way she would accept to let it happen. Never would she allow being the reason his reputation would get a blunt. Never.

She pushed some strands of her hair away, struggling to not mess them up out of nerves.

She should have not forgotten about this. Yes. As expected, Ren's fans had begun to notice something and question her relationship with him. They had escaped a scandal at the ball because there wasn't any picture. Though rumours skyrocketed. But not the café one.

Though fans didn't know the exact location, they had started to wonder. And then there were the following encounters. Because, indeed, as she thought, all the locations he knew weren't safe and sometimes it was just some place near the set for one of them.

Barely two weeks into January and fans had started to demand answers. But oddly, Ren hadn't made any comment and more weeks had passed. She eventually figured he might not be in position to refute things if it could seem like he was rude or rejecting upfront a woman. And even if it wasn't LME stopping him then it still might have been his manners code toward women.

She took matters into her own hands.

When a new query for an interview came by again concerning those urgent matters she was sure, though it was well-covered as an interest for her new projects, she readily accepted.

If he wasn't to do it then she was the one who needed to intervene. Things wouldn't go well if they let it fume and grow out of control. Valentine's day was in two days and she was supposed to see him today with some of his friends that had decided since he didn't have time on the 10th, they would celebrate him two days later. Despite his protests. Which made her laughed. Turnabout is fair-play. He spoiled her on her birthday, she could easily sprinkle the idea of a party in Kaï's mind.

Still, she wasn't sure what could happen and what sort of presents he would receive on Valentine's if they didn't set things straight in the meanwhile. This was the sort of thing, even false, that could fans badly. That was another reason why she couldn't let this last anymore longer.

The tech guy, Chiro she thought, came to her and told her they were ready for her. She thanked him, plastered a warm smile on her face and straightened herself for what was to come. She would have to hide her true feelings on all of this but she would still try to be as honest as possible. It was the least she could do make up for this situation.

She stepped on stage.

"Everyone, please welcome 'Kyoko' from LME, a rising actress in Japan and internationally but also a model" said the hostess politely though it seemed a bit lacking in warmth.

Kyoko bowed formally to the public and to the hostess and was led to a seat.

"Pleased to meet you all", she greeted, "It's very nice of you to have me here."

The hostess bowed to her in reply and presented herself as Irina Kuno.

"Now Kyoko-san", started Irina-san as she browsed through her notes and sheets of paper, "You're an actress known In Japan from your roles as Mio in Dark-Moon, Natsu in Box-R and Momiji in Lotus of the mud which are all roles you did at the beginning of your career."

She perused over her papers and pursued.

"Since you came back from America, you also made a few appearances in several episodes for shows like Glimpse of Power and Tales of the Ancients. Of course, there is also the famous and sensational Coloured Clothes promotional clip from the brand you starred in and are also the spokeswoman model, am I correct?" Kuno-san asked.

Kyoko nodded and the hostess smiled before continuing to read through her resume.

"But beside those parts, most of your jobs were taken in the States and I read here you played several lead parts as a villain in the US, several small appearances again, as evil characters." She eyed her to see if there was any mistake but Kyoko just nodded.

" Detective of the Night from which you just finished shooting second season Kuno-san followed through then, "A small production as a street racer that isn't available here yet and some movie that got really popular even here called The chains of a Brush where a woman painter ended up committing suicide and become the guardian angel of new artists. A following part is even planned for this one" the hostess finished before starting again.

"Ah, and you also are an international model and runaway one for an English brand called Glitter in the needle and Une perle de soie, a French one."

Kyoko nodded sheepishly, feeling a bit too exposed. She was familiar with interviews by now but still didn't like the closely observed sensation it gave off. Plus she wasn't really there for showing off and they all knew it.

"Well, Kyoko-san", the hostess commented with an impressed look, "You kept yourself occupied during those five years away."

"Haha…yes, I'm been quite busy those last years" She admitted.

Kuno-san leaned forward towards her, a mischievous glint in the eye.

"Now, Kyoko-san, we will come back to that later but I have one question that I'm sure won't surprise you, if you don't mind" Spoke the hostess in a conspiracy tone.

Some voices in the public rose and she could decipher some words concerning Ren and relationship and other less than pleasant ones.

Kyoko grinned and waved to her to proceed, expecting this, indeed.

"But of course."

"I'm sure you know but some pictures of you Tsuruga Ren have been flooding online recently", voiced the journalist hostess, "Starting with this one."

Then Kuno-san lighted up the screen figuring behind Kyoko and a picture of them in the book café where she had been touching his hand appeared as long with a few others in smaller in the corners of the screen. Kyoko turned around and contained a blush at the image showing and the interpretation you could come with. She already knew this picture but she wasn't even less surprised of the speculations made seeing enlarged like that. Ren's expression was very misleading. With his cursed heavenly smile. It seemed even softer than in the past.

Damn man…

"Now, Kyoko-san", said the journalist woman, "upon seeing this, I have only one question right now: Are you to announce you are dating Japan most famous Bachelor? Is it the reason of your acceptance for coming here after several refusals?"

She stared at the announcer patiently, carefully. Understanding. And the corners of her lips turned up. It was a sad smile.

The she shook her head and stated very clearly:

"I'm not."

"Wh-what?!" croaked out Kuno-san. She had been so sure of her response. Of what sort of affirmation she would get.

Uproar arose at this and questions and demands for explanations fused all around the room from the public.

"I'm not", she repeated calmly.

"Bu-ut", began again the hostess, gathering her wits, "You can't deny you're close! Not with these pictures!"

Kyoko shook her head from left to right once more.

"I'm not denying it."

"Then what?" asked the Kuno-san.

"We are friends" stated Kyoko.

Kuno-san pointed at the pictures on the screen again.

"That is not normal friendship Kyoko-san", she affirmed, "I can see it and I'm sure everyone in this room and the fans of Tsuruga-san would agree too."

She nodded.

"You're right. We are pretty close", she agreed with a sigh, "but we aren't dating", she reaffirmed.

Kuno-san frowned, not getting it. When you saw the proximity, the tenderness in Tsuruga-san's gaze, you could only come up with one explanation. But again, she couldn't deny that if it wasn't for her hand touching Tsuruga-san's one, her own expression was pretty normal. At least, it didn't seem like it was displaying some sort of special feelings.

But it seemed very clear to Irina that she was on to something with Tsuruga-san. She just wouldn't believe anyone would or could fake that look.

"So what… You are best-friends or something?" She inquired bluntly.

Kyoko jumped a bit and held back a grimace at the straight-for-the-jugular approach of the journalist as she her guess hit her right on target. Her mind instantly came back to two weeks ago when Ren had pleaded his case about going to take a coffee at some place near-by when for once they had a break more-or-less in the same slot.

She had been arguing with him. It had been by far one of the most exposed places to go on her opinion and she had protested they couldn't go there, even if it was just for a cup of coffee.

But then he had pulled out his most recent weapon out of his arsenal.

'Come on Kyoko' he had said with an incredible grin glued to the face though she remembered thinking it had looked kind of foxy for a second, 'You're my best-friend, if I can't even go out in the open with one of the closest person to me, who am I supposed to go with? Plus, I'm not that much of an out person as you might already know…'he had added, clearly teasing before smiling reassuringly to her this time. Come on, it will be fine, I promise.'

She had stayed so speechless she had just let him dragged her there without much of a fight. Still preoccupied deep down but too flagger-basted, happy and yet, hurting, by how he had called her to protest.

She had been sincerely warmed up he saw her that way because some part of her did see him like that too and because she knew it was closest she would ever have. But another side of her was dying of his words, felt greedier and had felt rejected by this at the time. Though at least now, she was sure and she was able to see it as something clearing any traitorous hope that had slyly passed by her shields.

She cleared her throat and smiling as softly as she could because yes, despite everything she was happy to be able to be this close to him, she replied.

"You are very spot-on, Kuno-san", she told her, "Yes, I have the honour to be named as such by Ren-kun."

Irina's eyes grew like saucers.

"Tsuruga Ren told you he considers you as his best-friend?" she asked, bewildered.

Kyoko nodded.

"He did."

The hostess gaped at her like she had just sprouted another head, out of juice to scramble with any spirit for more question.

How?

How? It wasn't possible. That gaze wasn't one of friendship and she was denying her 10 years of experiences in personal relationships and in discerning a false from a true scandal. So how?

She wasn't blind and she was sure as hell other people could tell.

There were so much longing and tenderness in Tsuruga-san's gaze she would have melted instantly would he have directed it at her. Scratch that. Let's not talk about her. It was blatant. She would have bet her seat on this show their dear number one bachelor felt something for the woman in front of her. She stared at the image, trying to fit what the elegant actress was saying with what she was seeing.

Could he be acting?

Were they pulling a stunt? When she thought about it, in fact, if there was one person able to fake it, it was that man. She was a fan of Tsuruga-san, she knew how good of an actor he was. She was sure that eye-candy of a man would be able to pretend to look smitten and it being all fake.

But then, if they were pulling a stunt, why would she have come to deny it all? She wasn't such a celebrity she wouldn't benefit from being categorized as most famous bachelor girlfriend. But then again, it could be genuine friendship, maybe she didn't care about that. Or she could care more about not being considered as riding someone coattail. But again, which woman would pass up the chance to be with a man like Tsuruga-san, even under false pretence? Or just in hope to be able to make it real.

It didn't make any sense. She had to confirm it.

"Why did you refuse the previous demand of interviews?" she suddenly asked the actress, startling her. "Didn't Tsuruga-san say something about all this? If you are this close. It's been weeks after all."

The actress pushed her hair away on her head, messing it up slightly and seeming embarrassed, she frowned before replying.

I've got you thought Irina, we are finally going to know the truth.

"Yes, nodded the actress, "I addressed this with him but he judged it would settle down if we just waited enough" explained the young woman with a new frown, clearly she did not agree with this decision.

"Then, why did you finally accepted the interview?" Irina asked." Did Tsuruga-san change his mind?"

The actress made an nth negation move of her head before answering.

"I don't think he knows of my decision to set things straight", she said, "I didn't tell him."

"Then why-…Irina started.

The actress breathed in.

"I know how much he cared about his fans, Kuno-san", the actress said, "and how much it could hurt his reputation and his fans to let carry this rumour. I just didn't want his reputation to take a scar for something not event true", finished Kyoko-san.

"But what do you get out of this, Kyoko-san?" Stretched Irina.

The poised actress looked at her, appearing puzzled by her question.

"I apologize; Kuno-san but I don't understand your question. What do you mean by 'what I get out of this'?" she inquired.

Irina stared at the actress, gobsmacked by her answer.

The hostess pulled her hand up and tried to clean the mess her mind was, because she felt more and more lost.

"Let me get this straight", she stated, "the reason you are here, Kyoko-san, is… because you were worried his reputation would be hurt…"-she eyed the actress for confirmation again and the woman nodded-…"by being romantically associated with you…Did I get this right?"

"Of course", the actress said, "For what other reason would I be here?"

She wanted to protect him…I can't believe this…

"…"

"Well that", corrected the actress and Irina raised back her head from her hands, "And I was afraid his fans would be falsely hurt by all of this."

"…Right…" Mumbled Irina and her eyes were drawn to the picture on the big screen once more. At what was screaming at her face.

So he isn't aware of what she is doing at this moment.

She knew she should be more doubtful but for some reason, she couldn't believe the actress to be lying.

It wasn't a stunt. But if it wasn't then, what the hell is this?! No, even for a stunt, even if it was him, even if he was one of the best actors of the world, no. Just no. He wouldn't have been able to fake this. It was so deep. You couldn't fake this.

Then; it was real.

She instinctively rose from her seat as she studied what looks like the most freaking insane thing possible.

"Kyoko-san", she spelled carefully and very slowly, licking her lips as she felt her tension in her own body and pointed at the picture again, "You can't tell me you don't find Tsuruga Ren attractive, right?"

The actress giggled softly at what seems to be the expression she was making before replying.

"I think a woman would have to be blind to not notice how handsome Ren-kun is", stated Kyoko-san with a smile, "And even then, I'm not sure it would be enough to not notice."

"I'm his friend", added the actress, "But that doesn't mean I'm blind."

Oh yes! She was!

"Kyoko-san", she tried again, attempting to get something, anything that would give an indication of what the woman felt or what she saw on this image, "On this picture, you can't say it's the usual expression of Tsuruga-san, right? It's a bit different, no?"

The actress turned around to look at the display once more before smiling softly and moving forward towards Irina again, "You're right. It's a genuine expression and a sincere smile here."

No way…

"Kyoko-san", Irina demanded again, "Is that all you see on this picture?"

The actress tilted her head in confusion then switched back and for from the screen to facing her making the long hair of hers twirling around.

"I'm not sure I'm following but if it's about me touching his hand", the actress began, "I can assure there was a context to this and I retell it if you'd like."

No freaking way…

"So, just friends…" tumbled out from the journalist lips.

There was just no way. Such a situation couldn't be right? But it was screaming at her face. She fell back into her seat, dumbfounded at what could be only considered at the juiciest piece of intel on Tsuruga-san in years but she couldn't even bring herself to care about sharing it.

The actress blinked, not getting it of course and taking it as an question, she replied by the affirmative and nodded once more, ever so patient. Even though Irina knew her behaviour was certainly disturbing for the actress right now.

She looked up once more at the screen as deafening silence fell upon the stage studio; starring at the profound gaze direct at one person on the picture. The truth splattered for everyone to see. Everyone but one person.

Tsuruga Ren didn't just look like he was smitten and even less like he was staring at a friend. He seemed amazed by what he had in front of the eyes but also possessive and desirous. He looked starved and longing. His eyes were gazing at the woman like they were embracing her like the most precious treasure, to never let go, to protect.

In this picture and in fact in every one of the ones that followed Irina realized with a start, Tsuruga Ren looked properly defeated, vanquished by an opponent more powerful than him.

And the only conclusion she could come up with for her, for everyone, to be able to see it so openly, displayed like black on white on his face was that, he couldn't hide it.

He hadn't been able to hide it. He hadn't even been able to act to hide his feelings. He was that defeated by the young woman.

Tsuruga-san is slowly becoming incapable to hide his feelings…

That was the only reason explaining why everyone was able to see it now. If he had been able to not show it, he would have. But he couldn't. Not anymore.

I wonder if he is aware of that…

Quite frankly, Irina had only been expecting one from the actress and that's for her to admit they were going out. She knew it would have upset the fans, a lot of fans even but though she hadn't taken such a keen attention to the picture before, she had a feeling. In her mind, it could only be that. There was just something about those captures of the moments they spent together that screamed what she thought it was.

Feeling more amazed and tired she had been in years, she came to the present and that's when she noticed the actress was confounding herself in excuses, completely confused at her demeanour.

"I'm sorry Kuno-san", she was saying, "I apologize sincerely if I said something that put you off, I'm really sorry." She then turned to the public and bowed deeply to them. "I apologize to all of you too", she told them, I seemed to have weird off most of the people here and though I don't understand how, I'm really sorry."

She stayed like for a good fifteen seconds more before sitting back, looking absolutely lost at what was happening and really sheepish.

It was all too much.

The journalist busted in laughs. All was lying there, just in front of her eyes. She was even the closest to see it for goddamn's sake and the actress was completely clueless about it. Hell, from what she knew, it even looked like Tsuruga Ren was living an unrequired love. Because, there was absolutely nothing showing the actress felt any kind of special feelings.

Though she guessed she should hope she did. For Tsuruga-san's sake. And Irina found out she could be generous enough to wish that for him. Despite what it would mean for her as a fan.

After all, she thought as she regained control of her limbs and looked with new fondness at the actress, someone who came willingly knowing she would mostly be harassed with questions by the announcer and by the fans just to protect his reputation and avoid fans to be hurt was far from the worst choice.

She let out a new bark and felt glad to witness this. She had felt this industry was far too jaded to have those sorts of people to exist in it.

"I'm really having an hard time believing you spent five years in America, Kyoko-san" She commented with a growing smile.

"What? I can assure you it's the-

"Oh I know you aren't lying, don't worry", Irina brushed off before remembering something, "Right, let's make up with the public, Kyoko-san."

"Ah? Yes, of course but If I knew what I did I could apologize properly" said the actress, still looking guilty.

"You look like you murdered someone", snorted Irina, "Don't worry, I'll handle this." She said making a quick decision and pulling chuckles from the tech dudes and her colleagues.

Irina rose from her seat and went toward the edge of the stage toward the last row of seats where the public area begun and looked at the expressions gazing back at her all around. Clearly, no one had expected this. Some were even still gaping or looking at Kyoko-san like she was an alien.

One thing was sure, most had understood what had remained unsaid.

"Now, everyone", started Irina, "Kyoko-san apologized, are you still angry with her?" she asked.

They stared at her for a second then dizzily denied to be so.

"Then everyone", she asked again with a knowing smile directed to all the people present, "Do you forgive her?"

They blinked at her before slowly starting to grin and a loud ring of 'yes' was heard all around. Oh yeah, they did get it right if their hardly repressed chuckles were anything to go by. Most even seemed having been charmed by the kind actress of she was seeing it right.

An humble 'thank you' along with a bow were the responses of the beautiful actress, looking as ashamed as before and suddenly the 40 years of Irina made themselves more present on her shoulders as she contained her words in her mind.

Such a pure soul…

They finished the interview smoothly after that and the actress eventually left looking like she was still trying to figure out what had went wrong. She looked even dishevelled a bit, so much so it had confused her.

I'm sorry young woman…I can't even imagine how we as journalists and vulgar gossips diggers for some, are going to hold back for rudely telling you what only one person should. But I promise I'm going to try.

Even only just for the integrity you just showed us as an example to always behave.

She turned to her colleagues and whispers loudly to them:

"I can't believe it!"

"Does this mean she really doesn't realize it?"

"I'm pretty sure, yes."

"Is it this blatant to everyone?"

This time Irina shook her head.

"Someone who doesn't inspect the picture with attention might miss it", she told them, "I hadn't realized what I had under the eyes until the image was enlarged."

"Do you think we should contact him?" One of her colleague asked "Can we even show it like that?" another demanded.

"We will", Irina said. "But maybe we can ask for a delay to the director of production."

"Why?"

She pointed at the stage she just vacated.

"Because if there is one story I don't want to dirty, it's this one", she stated, "Because we shouldn't be the ones to unveil the truth this time" she added.

"Why do I feel like this 'we' englobe more than just this show?" said her last colleague.

"Because you aren't all that stupid…"Irina suggested, "I don't know if I will be able to convince the director though and even less if it's doable for all the others."

A hand dropped on her shoulder and she found the director frowning.

"You will have your delay", he said without changing expression, "Also", he informed with an half-cranked up smirk, "I contacted LME president, might help for your big scale plan."

"You're the best, director!" She shouted out.

He turned back slightly.

"I'm not. You just deserved it", he stated, "You put a wise move today when you decided to close your mouth."

"Plus", he finished, with a true grin this time, "that's the sort of story that-…

"That will make history" cut one of her colleague and her director glared at him.

"It might happen" he said, reluctant to grant it to him," But what we saw isn't about getting famous. Yes, there are high chances it does. But this is about something priceless!" he corrected him.

"And the reason Kuno-san is getting a delay isn't about notoriety because she noticed something more valuable than this", he said, "it's the only reason she's getting one.

"Now everyone, let's try to make every journalist in Japan sit on their mouths so that they won't spell a word of this to the wrong person until the right time came", the director shouted.

A loud agreement with some bubbling laughs echoed after this impressive announcement and they all went to work on stuffing their mouths shut.