CHAPTER 106

I do not own Skip Beat! Yoshiki Nakamura delivish does.

~~Magical Summer trip ~~

~~ part 11~~

Aftermaths?

She met Kayla backstage, informing her she was leaving – despite rushed giddy whispered attempts of Kayla to ask her questions about what just happened – , and quickly mumbling to Ren she was going to retrieve her bag. He said he'll wait for her but she didn't really linger. How did one think again?

Her hands clawed at the rough cheap surface of the booth wall the minute she was out of sight and in the cabin she had left her stuff in. She didn't let her nails grow past the rim of her finger tips but they still tore a little at the fabric, and she had the weird impulse to make a mess out of the cloth. She grabbed at the iron rail holding the material taut, both hands circling the metal. Her shudders would not stop. Her left hand left the metallic bar and strapped over her bust, clutching at her right shoulder with her fingers. That kiss.

His mouth on hers. The smooth hot texture of his lips against her slim ones. Feather touch of crushing strength. Deft subtle moves. That kiss. That kiss. Why?

Why had he to be so delicate and precise with her? She would have handled mess. She would have desired for it. Such a rarity would not reproduce anytime soon. She wished he had ravaged her mouth with those strong lean lips of his, instead. But he had cradled her mouth like he was nursing a toddler. Indulging in a mock event, that was the fact. And yet. The fervent light grazes had burned her lips as if they had been ironed, and her whole body tingled like an overcharged wire. And he hadn't even touched her body. They had kissed during acting in the past, for goddamn's sake, so why. Why, why, why.

Her body arched on itself, her mind hazed in lust, as tears of frustration and pain formed at her eyes. It was worse than being at his mercy.

Had he hug her at that moment, she would have cried. She would have come. She longed for him like an addict for coke. If an addict could desire love and intimacy from their drug.

She bitted the inside of her lip until blood was drawn, urging the physical pain to stop her storming emotions. But if it distracted her heart from the pain – replaced by another – , her body refused to quiet its excitation. Her mind provided image after image of what his lips could have done, of what his hands and fingers could have done. Of what his hips could have done. Had they had touched her, feel her, grabbed her. Of what she wished he had done. Of what she wished she could have done.

It won't do, she thought.

She let go of her shoulder and popped open a button, pulling down the fly, and plunged her slim fingers inside the front of her leather pants. She kept a steady hand on the rail bar and clenched her jaws as she supported herself. Then, with determination, she dived one finger in her while her thumb asserted the first touch. It didn't take long. At her third nudge, her spine tensed and her mouth gasped open a deaf sound, as her body raked and collapsed with pleasure, barely holding herself up on the bar and making it tremble slightly to the rhythm of her echoing shakes.

She fell to her knees once spent, and her locks flocked around her bust in a light golden ballet during the momentum of her fall. She let her head lie on her arm still holding the bar. She remained in that position as her breath heaven out and her heart rate slowly dived back to a less rushed tempo. When quiet, tired despair was the only emotion remaining.

Three caresses… She wanted to feel furore at the power the man now held on her.

But she couldn't.

Even through all this… She was happy it had happened.

Kyoko stood after a couple of minutes, checked herself, and gathered her belongings before exiting the cabin. She wanted to look for him but she knew she needed to do something first. Something she had been denying and pushing back for a long time.

§§§

She found her a few metres away, waiting, and Kyoko grabbed Kayla's hand, pulling her aside. Now that most of her stress was ebbing away, resentment and wrath had replaced it. And no matter how determined she had been to dismiss it and let it slide, she just could not. Not after this one. Which meant that conversation needed to happen now.

She found a corner void of any person, near the water-jug distributor, and veered her eyes into her friend's ones.

"I need to make myself clear on one thing," she began and she could see the awkwardness of her friend rise at the deadly tone of her voice, "I'm pissed at you. Very much so."

Her friend paled a bit.

"Kyoko, you know if I could have avoided it, I – "

"That's not the issue here."She cut in coldly. She stared at her friend very slowly.

"That's one too many times, Kayla. One too many times you decided for me, you informed me at last minute or not at all; or tried to involve me in things without asking me first if I'm interested or willing to." She stretched.

Her friend opened her mouth but Kyoko lifted her hand to stop her.

"I'm not done. It's not even counting the many times you just dropped by my house without asking or warning me first."She continued.

"… I thought you didn't really mind, you – "

Kyoko cut her again, eyes hardening as she seethed.

"I let it slide because you are my friend and because until now it hadn't been too important things. Things like dropping by unannounced were inconsequential and I wasn't about to complain about every little thing you did just because I wouldn't have wanted it that way. I liked to spend time with you and understood we view things differently, and that it was mostly with good intentions you did what you did."

There were tears at the corner of Kayla's eyes, but it wouldn't prevent her to say what she had to say. Her friend nodded numbly, finally getting how serious this discussion was.

"I know you mostly meant well – ," Kyoko added, and while she was still furious, she felt a little more composed as she continued, "and true, sometimes getting out even when I didn't want to, did me good and brought me needed fresh air…"

She took a huge breath as she assimilated what she was about to say and readied herself.

"However, I can't overlook this time. You went too far. I thought I could and react out-of-habit and focused on the urgency of the situation because you asked my help when I should have plainly refused."

Her friend was as pale as a sheet cloth.

"Kyoko…"

"Ironically, for once, the circumstances of this time, truly made it the hardest to be upfront with me in advance, compared to other times. But the request you demanded was so much bigger, you should have measured I still needed to be warned." She said bitterly. "You could have told me on the phone still, before I was roped into it. Before I felt obliged to accept because of the children, and because it was such a desperate situation. You chose not to. Worse, you chose to hide it from me, knowing there was high chances I wouldn't accept if I had known."She let out, feeling more and more frustrated with her friend.

By now, her friend was openly crying but Kyoko continued, needed to make a stand.

"And in honestly, even if you hadn't had any opportunity whatsoever to tell me in advance and even if it hadn't been a big thing, it would probably still have been the last straw, with how often you just decided what was good for me or brought me into things you know I don't necessarily appreciate."

She breathed out.

"Yes, I'm not that outgoing and don't like to hang out in crowds, and need time alone. But whatever your opinions on it, it is my life and my choices, and you should respect that the way I wanna lead my life can be different from yours without being wrong. And not impose me what you deem right or condemn me when I do it my way. If you truly saw me as your friend and respected me, that is."

Kayla gasped.

"Of course, Kyoko, how can you doubt I – "

"I'm not done. You don't try often to just accept me as I am, flaws and differences included."She replied matter-of-fact to the unfinished question her friend started.

Her friend opened her mouth again for a second, looking like she wanted to say something before closing it, looking down in shame.

Kyoko sighed angrily, hating she had to do this. Hating it had come to this. Hating she had to be harsh on her friend. But it just couldn't be ignored anymore.

"… Even so, those were things I had accepted about you, until today. But not anymore."She said. "Today, if Jane hadn't at least proposed me a way out when she got I was coming unaware, you had simply sold me as merchandise to peruse over and bought at the leisure of strangers. It sounded nearly as prostitution, don't you think?!"She let out harshly, her temper getting the better of her again.

"No! No, no, no. No, of course not. You know it wasn't like that!"Kayla rushed out between her tears.

"Do I? Do you think it was an aid you could ask out of someone without knowing how comfortable that person would be with these kinds of things? I felt obliged to accept, Kayla." She growled out. "Because you were the one asking and because of the children. And you knew I would when rushed and knowing it could help; you knew."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Kyoko waved her hand, seeing Kayla cry made her feel nauseous about herself.

"Worse, you knew I was uncomfortable with it."She stated before whispering hardly to her. "You knew I picked very carefully the few people I was ever intimate with. That is why you dissimulated what the booth was about until I couldn't back off anymore!"

"No, no, no. That is not what it was. I didn't think it was this bad – "

Kyoko groaned at her, turning around to calm herself before she wavered or got more pissed off. She didn't really know what could be her reaction at this point.

"… Yes, you didn't think. You didn't think about me at all. And yes, I know you were thinking about the children and about helping Jane. I know. I'm not mad at you for wanting to help them, I'm mad about the way you do things. To have it your way. I know it partially unconscious and that you didn't have any bad intentions but it doesn't excuse everything."

She turned back and stared at her friend again.

"Yes, I'm sure you thought I was strong enough to undergo it. And yes, I did. And no, I don't regret it, because it will help the children. But you think I felt comfortable out there?"She asked her friend, pissed because she felt hurt her friend hadn't understood. "No, I didn't. And it wasn't something you could rob my choice of. It was something that needed my expressed consent."

"What if I had had some about history with this kind of stuff?" Kyoko enquired, feeling she was threading thinly on the line on something she definitely didn't want to share with Kayla. "What if it had been a person with past trauma? What if it had triggered it? How can I trust you knowing you would go this far without telling me stuff when you need something?!"

Her friend shoulders hunched even more and she nodded, another apology being letting out.

"And even if nothing of all of this stood, knowing I wasn't the type to be comfortable with participating to this kind of event should have made it obvious you should not ask this to me. Or, at the very least, you should have been very upfront about what kind of event it was about, letting me know what it entailed. And even if there was no time, make it so I could be aware of what level of unease could be in for me personally. If you had been fully honest with me and had respected my boundaries and told me, I could have chosen in full awareness to help or not. And I would probably still have done it. But I would have felt way better because I would have known you were asking for my help knowing all of this, respecting me. But you didn't. You did the exact opposite. Nearly as if it was a game."

By now, Kayla wasn't even trying to talk anymore or defend herself and just pale and hunched even more, and as Kyoko finished to let out her steam, silence fell around the two of them.

"Just because we are friends and I love you doesn't mean you can just walk over my own boundaries and needs. Even I have limits and can get pissed off."She added softly, at last.

Seconds ticked by before, in the smallest less confident voice Kyoko had ever heard her friend talk, she asked her,

"How can I make it up to you?"

Kyoko sighed, glad her friend seemed willing to truly listen but wasn't sure how to proceed.

"Do you even want to?"

"Want to what?"Kyoko asked.

"… Still be my friend."Uttered in an even tinier voice, Kayla.

"Yes. On the condition that things change, however."She added, hating she had to put conditions- of all things – , but needing to.

"I will never hold back information about an event or-or anything before asking or inviting you to participate, I promise. Not ever again."Her friend said vehemently.

Kyoko nodded.

"That's a start. You will also always give me a way out. Not force me into anything. It will be propositions, not coercions, whether it is for fun or otherwise."

Her friend urgently nodded and Kyoko could see in her horrified eyes that she was only just realizing it was not the first time she had kinda forced her into something she didn't want to.

"If you ask for my help, you explain things clearly and in details in advance, even if it means I might refuse."

Her friend nodded.

"No more judging if I don't want to go out or have fun the way you would do it."

Her friend nodded and added.

"I'm sorry I judged you. It wasn't my intention. I just wanted – "

Kyoko replied to her with constricted smile.

"I know. But it still felt like you were condemning my way of living. You also rarely gave me a choice in going out or not. And it was way too intrusive. No more comment on my intimate life, or lack of."

Kayla looked away in shame and nodded numbly.

"… I will do my best to be more respectful. A lot more respectful."

Kyoko lifted an index and waited until her friend was looking her way again, letting her compose herself a little, knowing the young woman wasn't the kind to handle well very long serious and emotional discussions.

"And lastly, no more impromptu visits in the mornings or any time. If you want to come by, you warn me first and ask me if I'm okay with it first. So that I'm not forced to give up on whatever I was planning that day or give up on my sleep in my own house. And if you want to bring the others with you, you ask again. I might be willing to chat with you but not necessarily with our whole group at once. Even less in the mornings. And it is probable I might often refuse, and you will have to respect that."

Her friend nodded a last time, though Kyoko could see the last point was what bothered her the most.

An uncomfortable silence returned after that and she saw her friend pulling at her tresses sadly. Then she mumbled something.

"Come again?"

"Do you hate me now?"Her friend repeated lowly.

Kyoko shook her head.

"I don't. That is why I'm so pissed. Because I know you didn't have any bad intentions and because I love you. But you should have known better. But I'm not sure I trust you as much."

Another moment passed before Kayla spoke again.

"Will I ever be able to regain your trust?"

Kyoko sighed, letting the question ring in herself and ponder genuinely about it.

"Maybe. If you respect my boundaries and what we talked about, it is likely. And if you give me some space."

Her friend clenched her jaws in a determined line, a slight flicker of hope reappearing.

"You don't act that way as much with our other friends, you know. You are less pushy and more respectful."She added, as in an afterthought, and moved her hair away as she felt some awkwardness creeping back. She didn't like criticizing her friend, hated she had to say this sort of thing. "Or, at least to me, it felt that way more than a couple of times. I'm not trying to make a comparison but – ."

Her friend looked to the side again but after a couple more seconds, she nodded.

"No. You are right. I can, I can see the difference. I'm sorry."

She turned back to her, looking honestly repenting and sad.

"I'm sorry, Kyoko. I have been an awful judging and imposing friend."

Kyoko smiled a little.

"I would not say awful. When you are not imposing me things or judging me, you are very funny to be around and I love spending time with you."

"But there has been too much of imposing and judging, is that what you saying?"Her friend completed sheepishly for her and she nodded.

"Kinda."

"I promise I will respect what we talked about and think about it."She said to her and Kyoko felt herself relax.

Her friend had listened and accepted to pay attention, so she felt hopeful she would keep her promise.

"Good. I will be going now."

"Okay."

Kyoko hugged her very briefly and the dark shadow lurking over her friend's face lifted a little and she returned the hug. She pulled back.

"I'm sorry we had to argue and I was so harsh. But – "

Kayla shook her head. Twice.

"No. I know. I gave you no other choice. I'm sorry."

Kyoko stretched a relaxed face she wanted reassuring, knowing speaking more, would just bring more unease in the discussion right now.

"I'll go."

"Go."

Kyoko turned around, stepping away but she twirled back to say one last thing.

"We can talk again in a few days. After Ren returned to Japan. I'll text you."

Kayla's face lightened up some more and she nodded in silence.

§§§

Her temples hurt.

She was walking blindly by his side after leaving that infernal booth behind, barely able to see where they were going but desperate for some respite. To get away from the crowd. To put distance between her and that stand. Anything, to able her to forget about what occurred. Obviously, the prime protagonist still being close by, it made it a hard call. But she needed to try. And to not look at the leisurely walking half-naked man on her right.

She didn't know if it was the stress of the situation or staying in the sun for so long but her head was really starting to pound.

Even the light criss of her feet against the white gravel of the path through the park was getting annoying. Her gaze fell on the spot of lawn to their sides where several venerable trees contrasted the immaculate shiny grass and granted some shadows under their protection. She skewed abruptly, not getting the courage to explain herself, as she felt nausea rose, and only mumbled something as she turned left. She heard Ren follow her and she plopped down heavily in a shady corner. She massaged her temples, hoping to relieve it somehow. She heard him crouched besides her. She was too hot. On the mere walk from the booth to where she was, the midnight blue borrowed shirt – now given, as Jane had refused to take it back – , and Ren's t-shirt, had mostly dried. It was a pity to not be able to wear it longer but she was too warmth and she suddenly removed his tee in a rush, appreciating the instant freshness one less layer brought. She handed it to Ren blindly, not wanting to see the light right now, nor his face. She still couldn't bring herself to think about what happened.

"You okay? You look a little flushed."Ren asked as he took the cloth back and slipped it on.

"Head hurts." She slipped, trying to avoid thinking about what she just did to not blush more. She was confident it was the sun this time, though.

"Didn't drink much water?"

She shook her head, before regretting it instantly, groaning at the intensified pain.

He grazed the back of her head at the top of her nape and massage that spot there, making her drop her head against his shoulder when she felt the pulsing beat retreat after a couple of instant.

"Lie down in the shades for a little, I'll be back with some water."He said as he removed his hand and pushed some strands from her face away.

"It's not that bad, I can just – ."She attempted to protest but he pecked her cheek, silencing her with a kind but demanding gaze as he stood up.

"Rest. I'll be back fast."

And sure enough, she felt like she had closed her eyes for barely an instant when he returned, calling her name, and presenting her with more than half a dozen of those small water bottles, kept fresh in those kinds of events. The cold steam was gathering on the outside of the plastic and dripping a little in Ren's hands. Faced with her dazzled expression from the number of bottles, he explained.

"You need to drink more than what your thirst would feel if heat had started to get to you."

She nodded, knowing that.

"I know but this is still a lot."

"I will drink some too and it might come in handy later again."

She took a bottle with a shake of her head, feeling the throbbing about to start back, and while she appreciated the freshness of the water – as she gulped down the first bottle in full – , it didn't prevent her to comment.

"Worryman."

He just gave her another bottle with a smile and drank his own. He was right, of course, and she greedily drank two more before pausing. She glanced at him from the side, still unable to look at him directly in the eye. Goddamnit, why did he have to kiss her? How was she supposed to keep her composure after that? Granted, it was all pretences and part of the game, but still. Kissing her in public like that just so she could quit sooner was a bit… And that's when it struck her.

She pulled at her hair and dropped her forehead on one bent knee.

"Damn. Ren, you really shouldn't have done that." But she grimaced as her movement brought a pang to the softly receding headache.

She heard him sigh.

"Here. Lie down for a bit. You should not move until it disappeared fully." She heard him say and next instant, she felt a strong arm slip around her back-making her close her eyes for a second – , and supporting her before smoothly inclining her backwards until her head was resting down. The warm surface made her tilt her head to the side and her cheek brushed against it. Her eyes sprang open as she realized she was resting on his taut thigh.

"You don't have to – ." She said, trying to stand up instantly and still carefully leading her gaze away from his. But another pang echoed, and she grabbed at her head.

"Easy," He said, taking hold of her head delicately to bring it back down, "it's nothing. Just stay put for a moment."

Defeated, Kyoko let her eyes glided where they so wanted to be and crossed paths with his eyes. He was frowning, his stare full of genuine concern. She looked away.

"You look pale. Let it subside."He said, removing some strands from her lashes, and their stares collided again, their wild depth keeping them stuck.

Until Kyoko closed her eyes, too drained by her head, and she brought one forearm above her eyes.

Silence gathered around them as she rested. The only sounds coming from the breeze tickling the leaves above them and the feeble echoes of voices and laughs in the far distance.

"What if someone took a picture?"She spoke at last, though without removing her arm from her above her eyes, as the pressure in her head faded a little more.

He took a while to reply and the void of his voice grated at her nerves. Now that the whole emotion of the event was falling down, she was questioning if he hadn't intervened out of duty. She wondered if he had felt obliged to help her out, knowing she most likely wasn't comfortable with it.

"Unlikely," He finally said. "I'm far less known here than in Japan and no one was aware I would appear in such a place."

"It doesn't mean no one took a picture," She argued, lifting her arm to look at him with a frown.

"Possible. But even if someone did, it doesn't mean they knew who I was and will post it anywhere." He said with a shrug. That insufferable shrug of his.

She pushed on his thigh to sit up, feeling too vulnerable in that position and needing to make him realize. She wanted to facepalm. It had been so careless. She held the bridge of her nose.

"Ren… You are an international model, the most famous actor of Japan, getting quite famous in England and also some European countries."She recited hotly. "And it's not like you didn't do any roles here either. You might not be as known in the States, yet, but it doesn't mean you are still a nobody here."

"Those were only very minor ones." He slid, though he sported a tiny smile.

She pinched his side.

"Oi. It hurts."

"That was still careless. You took many roles on international grounds already, some people are bound to know you here too." She pushed.

He looked away in silent, stretching his leg before leaning on the tree behind them. His face voided of emotion and she couldn't decipher what he could be thinking.

"… Even if pictures were to be posted, I don't think it is such a problem."

"You can't be serious, you – "

"People most likely would pick up on the context of any potential pictures." He said without looking at her again.

"But your fans – "

"You made sure to say very clearly that we were friends on that interview, so I don't think it would be an issue."He cut her again, and she wondered why he sounded almost – … pissed.

"But I meant that concerning the time we spent together, not – "

He looked back at her, eyes a storm of green in the absence of his lenses.

"Would it so bad if people were to be perceived us as more than friends?"

She was dumbfounded at his seriousness. Why was he so angry she tried to avoid it if it bothered him so much? She tried to ignore the sting of that knowledge, knowing it would only bring her more pain. The obviousness of the reasons behind was something she was all too aware to remind herself after getting another tease of what she couldn't have.

"… If you mean our reputations, then – "

He waved her attempt of response away but didn't let her gaze go from the cage of his.

"Yashiro keeps me updated on my fans, you know that. And while I don't know and didn't ask for the details, he did tell me my fans weren't so much on the fence about you. So, contrary to what you thought, there is nothing dramatic to worry about were the fans thinking we are more. Also, that wasn't what I meant."He added.

Kyoko frowned. That couldn't be right. There was no way his fans would be okay with even the potentiality of her being with Ren. Even with a more acceptable choice than herself, a portion of them would still probably be going nuts over it.

The only possibility she could see was that she has convinced them so well during her interview they were keeping quiet so far. If they didn't consider her a threat, maybe she wasn't worth discussing anymore. But again, some fans even hated friends of their idols, so she had a hard time imagining there were still not a couple of fans not okay with her. Even if she was only considered as a friend. But if this got out, it would be far worse. The face Ren was giving her made it impossible to go back to that angle so she returned to the older one.

"But that is with the previous setup, if any of your fans see this, there is no way – ." She tried again but was shut down instantly.

"It would be fine. And that was not my question." He said, boring eyes into her as he followed with. "You keep talking about my fans and my reputations but you never heard me complain, didn't you? Are you sure it isn't you, that wouldn't like to be seen in that way with me?"

She stood shocked. What was he talking about?

"Whether what they would consider, would be the truth or not."He added fast as he guessed the argument she was just about to make. She just didn't want people to make wrong assumptions and hurt his reputations and his fans. Not even for such a sweet lie to hear for her ears.

"I'm confused."She said at last before lifting a hand in front of his. "Just to be clear, you are not upset a false assumption is made about us and you are convinced your fans wouldn't be that bothered, whatever they hear, and whatever and the truth is?" She started and continued when she got his confirmation, "But you are upset about – … My reaction?"

He nodded.

She frowned again.

"Why?"

He sighed and frowned back.

"It is a little vexing when you act like it would be the end of the world if people thought we were more than friends, you know."

She stared. She just stared at him. The automatic response of but it isn't the truth on the tip of her tongue again.

"To be perfectly clear," he went on casually and very matter-of-fact tone, when she didn't utter any semblance of response, "I would not mind in the least if people thought we were together."

That pulled her out of her shock and she coloured to her roots.

"What are you sprouting about?! Do you know how bad it would be for your fans? And you can't just let people assume false information and what if – … What if – …" But she couldn't finish. What if you were to meet someone, you really want to be with?

She just couldn't say it. The awful words stayed stuck in her throat like venom.

He looked at her for a frozen second before turning away, his back shaking tremendously. Then loudly erupting in guffaws as he held himself with one hand on the trunk. She arumfted at him.

"… Haha, this has been a while I saw you lose your composure and babble like that. And with that face…"He let out as he finally quieted down with the laughs.

She swatted at him.

"Idiot."

A complicated smile crossed his face and she tried to pierce out the emotion flickering but it was gone too fast.

"In all honesty, though, what else but honoured could I be if people imagined I was with such a beautiful woman?"He said, and while his tone was sobered, his gaze danced with a warm tease in it.

"Idiot."She repeated. She wanted to tell him the same. To tell him how overjoyed and overwhelmed she would be if people could see them as a couple in a positive light. But the words again, didn't cross the barrier of her lips. The subject just hit too close to her feelings. And it was too raw, too much, too soon. She wouldn't be capable to keep her voice and face void of emotion.

Instead she acted on an impulse. She pushed up on her knees and hugged him. He returned the embrace – though she could feel he was puzzled – , and once her voice was stabilized, she spoke.

"Thank you," she started, "I was just worried about everything else. Any person- …-would be happy to be seen as your partner, silly."She added after some hesitation. That was the most genuine she could be without giving herself away.

He pressed her to him and she relished in the moment.

"Do you mind if I stay like that a couple minutes more? My head is still pounding a little." Was it an excuse? Totally. Did her head still hurt? Absolute negative. Did she care? Not in this moment. She just wanted one more second, one more minute. Just a little more in his arms. He agreed as the kind man as he was, and she selfishly took advantage of it, for once.

She pulled away when she was sure her face wouldn't betray her anymore.

"Let's still hope it won't get out. I want to stay alive and act with you for a long while. Not be handled by zealous crazed fans."She joked and one lip's corner of his quirked. Only a little. And she thought another flicker of something passed by in his eyes. But gone it was again.

"That would be unfortunate. Don't worry I will protect you with my body."He said, wiggling his eyebrows and thus making his words more curved they had been.

She rolled her eyes at him, smiling, and pushed him until he toppled backwards in the grass, laughing.

They waited a little she would feel sufficiently better, and she drank some more water before they took the way home. Both rattled down inside and tired, they returned slower, the indispensable proximity for the bike's ride unnerving their already shaken senses.

§§§

When they arrived, Kyoko parked near the garage and he dismounted the speedster. He accompanied her as she pushed her motorbike inside, giving her back the protection headgear, as her tall silent silhouette removed her gloves and elegantly pulled off her own helmet. Her light locks she had stuffed up in the bike cap for the return drive falling in cascade down her slender back.

She carefully put away the equipment in the locker to the side, and after removing shoes and presenting him with slippers, she led them through the back door and directly to a small corridor leading to the kitchen side, right by the side.

They made small conversation as she prepped a quick meal but he could see she was tired, and he did what he could to help her.

But once they had done eating, she excused herself pretty quickly, saying the slight stroke of earlier, was getting to her, and that she would turn in early.

She did look a bit too weary and tone down from her usual self and he worried a little as he bid her goodnight. He watched her retreating figure going to her private chambers and only turned around once she had disappeared from sight.

Then, at last, he was alone with his thoughts.

His feet took the steps leading upstairs, his legs unfolding and bending faithfully, yet mostly unconscious of the moves.

His mind was clattering with thoughts going in every direction imaginable.

He reached the guest bathroom and brought it open and closed in a daze. Not even realizing he had failed to enter. This day had worn him down more than he could ever picture. It had been awes after awes of bewilderments and floored moments. He pushed the wood panel close after finally managing to step inside the wash room.

He could say many things about that day… He was certainly thinking a tremendous quantity of them. In chaotic order. In repeat. Desires, emotions and pains mixing and moulding one after the other. Like on an odd painting where colours that don't go along, have been added and added – until oversaturation – . and a dizziness for any future eyes getting a peek of the depicted canvas, is assured.

Ren crossed his arms against his torso, a hard clutch of hands on his biceps. That reminded him of it again.

The clutch of his fingers had been the only straw preventing him to snap loose and bend every last curve of reasoning and knowledge until they could fit his feelings and inner desires.

He had been that close to publicly, physically and emotionally confess it all to her. Everything else be damned.

Her smile. This day.

The feel of her lips… That fucking bike.

… He wished he could say he was just incredibly turned on. Just…

But it was so much worse than that. He was… Submerged. Awestruck. As if the ghost of her waist still lingered under his palms, his forearms. The phantom of warmth, of her shape persisting against his chest, there, where she had been plastered on for so many rides. Even her scent had imbibed his clothes by now. He closed his eyes and he saw her on that bike. Straddling the bolide in those damn leather-like pants and her hair flowing free all around. He saw her smile, he saw her eyes he adored to look into.

Each new aspect he discovered was dripping into a huge vase already cramped and flooding out with every trait he loved, and newly learned to adore. He had nowhere to escape. He was overflowing.

Yet, even as his very nerves were hijacked with sensory overload, the desolation and torment of longing were the ones winning. The heartache killing off his excitation as the distance and despair overtook him more so than ever before.

Yet not fully.

As if his body itself knew no longer its left and right, and was failing to give the proper reaction, the proper sensor, anymore.

He let his head collide with the door frame.

He felt lost.

It was just too much. How long could he continue like this? How could one go on with their life as it was nothing, feeling like this? How did people do it?

How?

He loved acting with all his heart and would not give it up for anything. But even for it, he didn't feel possessed. As if every cell of his body and soul were spellbound. He would be heartbroken if he had to give up acting, he knew. But there would be a tomorrow. He knew he would be able to find other ways into it. Or to discover new passions. He could always discover new paths to explore. And he knew it wouldn't be impossible to love the discovery itself of those potentials. Though, obviously, he could not imagine himself letting go of acting easily. But if faced with no choice, he could imagine himself rising back. Finding new purposes. More so than when he believed he couldn't be happy. Or when he had lost Rick.

But not with Kyoko.

If he had to give up, he knew, there might be a tomorrow but it would only be survival. He would not like any step of the way. He would never love it. He would never be truly happy without her in his life.

Yet, he could feel himself closing in on his limits, closing on the no-return point where he wouldn't be able to hide behind facades and pretences. And would not even care anymore if he did. Where he would not be able to play friends. And he was reaching that pinnacle awfully fast.

Tipping point racing towards his face like an unavoidable granite wall that would only bring him more despair.

Yet, what choice did he have? She still showed no sign she could feel more. Even earlier, she had nearly been casual about what happened on the stand. Criticizing about his move and the baseless risks for his career if that got out, rather than caring about the event itself.

If friends were his only option…

He hid his face in his hand. Nursing too wonderful memories and swallowing back bitterness and sadness as he tried to anchor his resolution.

Friends would have to do. But he didn't get how anymore.

§§§

He dropped on the bed after a bland shower and fell into a restless night. Only managing to fall into a rightful slumber in the wee hours of morning.

END OF CHAPTER.

PS: Hello everyone. Sorry it has been a while. Again. I guessed you are all used to it by now, haha. Don't scorn me too much. I had much family matters to take care of and didn't get much chance to write at all. And that is without counting my very approximative health.

In any case, i'm sorry it took so long for the update but here is next chapter. We are nearing the end of the first half of the Summer Arc. With some chance, i might be able to finish this arc before Fall. Wish me luck.

I hope you are all healthy and bubbly and happy and enjoying the beginning of Summer or about to do so.

I hope you will like this chapter. I'm sure you noticed chapters are getting a little longer. If not, my apologies. But it is also part of the reason delays are elongated. It also took a while because chapters are becoming more emotional as we are coming a little close to... Something.

And it was a pretty intense chapter overall.

I hope I did justice to what you hoped for in regards to the few readers that were pissed at Kayla.

And to the ones that wanted some naughtiness. Believe me or not, that part was not planned first but Kyoko decided she needed it. And sometimes, i listen to my characters. Only sometimes, though.

Anyway,