CHAPTER 120

I do not own Skip Beat! Yoshiki Nakamura does.

~~Magical Summer trip ~~

~~ part 26~~

~~Acquaintances of the past~~

Part 3

Collapsed inside this mellow appropriately dark couch, she was half-swallowed by the whole furniture. All appearances fell. The momentum of her adrenaline-induced fake composure passed. And with every step she had taken away, every second sanded by, since she landed in the sofa, her brain took the measure of what just happened.

No.

Of whom she just met.

Images of what she looked like danced in front of her eyes, those glowing lilac locks any man would wish to thread his fingers into, cerulean eyes you would dream to lose yourself in. A tall stature that brought out her charm. A pearly skin wrapping generous curves and shapely limbs.

And just as easily her image twirled in her mind, her brain was way too prone to assemble what she dreaded. Whispering the worse phantasmagorias in gory-assembled pictures, she wished to erase the minute her spirit had concocted them.

But her mind refused to block the flow and the images pursued their course, replacing nameless masculine hands that would love to glide through those lavender shades by his hands. A faceless figure morphed into his own as his arms embraced the shape of the woman she had just met, whose clothes begun to shed like an old skin, henceforth useless.

Lips joined as his face emerged from the dark clouds of her mind to kiss Shannon and a pang of pain in her chest finally managed to pull her out of the morbid curiosity of watching it play out in her own brain.

Useless thoughts plagued her like a gangrene, even when she succeeded into stopping the inflow of gross imagery.

So, that is what he likes…

That's the kind of girls he thinks beautiful…

That is one of the girls he used to date and kiss.

And more…

She hated it. She hated it so much. She hated she knew. She hated it, she hated it, she hated it.

She hated herself for thinking this way, knowing full way she was only hurting herself in the process. That he couldn't help his past. That his future was not her business.

But she hated it.

She hated she had to meet one of his exes. It had been way easier so long she didn't have a face to put on girls he must have known.

Now she could represent every mark of affection he must have had to her, between each other.

She could see his sweet eyes and his tender smile as he must have looked at her…

She knew he hadn't loved her but it didn't mean he had been downright cold.

He could be so utterly soft with her, so unfairly so even sometimes … and they were just friends!

So, it was obvious he must have been affectionate to a certain amount. Hold her. Cherish her.

Fuck.

She hated where her thoughts were leading her. She hated the girl had been so close to him. She hated she had been intimate with him. She hated how jealous she felt. She hated she had had the opportunity to touch him in such a way. But more, she hated he had most likely wished for it and appreciated it. She hated it. Even knowing it was not her place to. Even knowing it had been in the past. Even knowing he was allowed to do whatever he wanted. Knowing it wasn't her business. Knowing it would never be. Ouch.

The thought of their bodies touching … in any kind of way irked her in such a… It made her want to puke and punch something.

But far scarier… She had the urge to tear the girl's throat out. Cut her hands off so she could never put her claws on him again. She had never felt so much violence for a nearly complete stranger so virulently. And it made her gasp as the feeling swelled inside.

Her hand flew in the air before she could think rationally and her glass took off in a whisk of movement to explode against the wall. The shards spread everywhere, appeared to be looking at her, as if her ugly reflection could be seen on it in the blink of this privy moment with herself.

The violence of her action downed on her with all the stupefaction of her prolonged stare, as she noted it was unlike her to let go in such a public settlement. And the further she looked at the shattered glass, the more information she suddenly grasped as she got the realization the thing had been empty before crashing. She was rarely prompted to violence, and, more so, to let herself express her deeper emotions like this. Yet, she could not seem to get a grip … and she felt a bit dizzy.

There was only one conclusion to this.

There had been alcohol in what she thought was free of it. And she had drunk at least three cocktails.

It was no wonder she did not feel herself.

She was way past her limit. She pressed her face against her clasped fists.

"Well, shit."

Triple shit, even.

She was a mess.

A big damn heap of wrecked pain and messy thoughts.

She breathed in. She breathed out. Again.

She took her time. She gathered her thoughts and took more than a couple of deep inspirations. Then, very carefully, both of the glass and of her dizziness, she stood and made her way out of the secluded room to the bar to ask from a broom. She refused the bartender when he tried to tell her to let him do it and just asked for a cardboard box and gloves, before going through the annoying task of picking glass.

Once she was done, she was a bit calmer, and she brought it to the man, apologizing profusely and proposing to pay for it. He refused despite her attempts.

After giving her one more apology, she sighed at her own misbehaviour, partly not believing how much of her cool she had lost for a second here, and went to the washroom.

She needed to clear her mind.

Once inside it, a hiccuped sob escaped her as she hit the mirror with her fist.

What the hell are you doing, Kyoko?!

Not checking if the drink had alcohol was a mistake she usually didn't make. But she had been so overwhelmed by this day it didn't even cross her mind. But even if you put aside that.

She managed to get herself drunk and just broke things out of nowhere. Where was her usual composure?!

The poor restaurant had not done anything to deserve this.

You gotta get a grip…

No matter how much it hurt. No matter what might be happening – she dropped her forehead against the hard smooth surface of the glass – in another room. Because, no matter what her rational mind had been saying, no matter how much displeasure Ren had shown over her behaviour earlier, her brain refused to let her be in peace. It kept suggesting things. That they could be warming up, patching things, rekindling over past times. She shuddered as her mind provided an especially vivid image of what could be happening. If it was to actually happen and Ren was to let loose, and nearly threw up at the thought.

Come on.

She pivoted the faucet on cold and waited an improper amount of time before dropping her hands under icy cold water and splashing her face with it.

Once. Twice.

Trying to return to her better senses and erase some of her dizziness.

Thrice even.

Kyoko suddenly felt glad the drinks had been that sweet and could only guess the amount of alcohol should not have been too high per glass. Otherwise, she would have been a lot more trashed than this.

She cut the water down after another minute, drying her face in between very calculated deep respiration.

It took her another minute then, but she eventually got out, feeling slightly better. Her head felt a little less fuzzy and her step was halfway back to its normal assurance.

It would take a couple more hours, indeed. But by the time Ren would be back, she should have it under control.

She went to the bar counter, sitting on one of the high cushy stools and asking the kind man for some water, and deeply hoping for the music to stop.

The man brought her a huge glass of water with icy cubes, which she was grateful for. He then left to someplace and a minute or so later, the music dropped to a whispered background, making her praise high and strong in her mind, whoever or whatever was responsible for this small blessing.

The bartender came back soon after, and thankfully, even if it was only them, he did not try to make small conversation and just washed glasses and busied himself tidying stuff around.

She was nursing her glass of water, after sipping half of its content when the bartender spoke, making her think he was addressing her for a second before what he said registered in her mind.

'What can I get you?' the man had said, and she pivoted ever so slightly, crossing cerulean eyes she knew would haunt her nightmares as the woman smiled at her.

§§§

Shannon.

Well, that backfired fast.

The moment they had gone past the double doors and found an empty room, he had turned icy eyes at her and started lecturing her. Stating he had not been happy was … an understatement.

He had pretty much enquired what the heck was her problem, to put politely. She had managed to play the innocent card, even though she knew she had been damn mean to the beautiful stranger he had been with. He had somewhat accepted it might have been clumsy teasing, but she had noticed he was suspicious. More than that, he had given her a good – barely composed – admonition, about speaking this way to someone she didn't even know, and being so rude to her. He had been positively seething as he had, somewhat sarcastically, questioned her manners. Underlining that even if Kyoko had not been a close friend of his, he would still have wondered what had gotten into her to – so out of the blue – , be so unpleasant.

And while she didn't really want to admit it right now, she could not say he was wrong. She had gone a bit strong on the woman by his side when she had seen them together.

She knew part was the alcohol she had had but she could not delude herself into thinking it had been just that, she had been furiously jealous.

Kuon had also taken the time to comment that he didn't know what she had become during all those years, but knowing they hadn't kept in touch and it had been more than a decade- thirteen years even – , he just did not even understand why she would have even bothered greeting him to begin with. Let alone act this way. And it had been clear in his eyes how little he thought of her at that moment, how childish he thought of her behaviour, and how beyond comprehension it had been to him.

Yes, she hadn't truly fooled him. He hadn't understood why she had done it but she had seen he was not duped. He had noticed it was on purpose.

That was around that moment she had realized she did not know anything about this adult Kuon. He might have looked somewhat the same but the way he acted was so different from what she had been used to. And she had considered the fourteen Kuon as mature. Ha! There was nothing left of the sometimes unsure handsome teen. No looseness was allowed to someone that did something wrong. Not in the form of ignoring it as it was nothing, anyway. Not that he had been that way to begin with. But as teens may be, he too had sometimes been overwhelmed and missed things, or couldn't cope. And it had been very transparent that bullshitting him would not work with this adult Kuon. To think he was two years younger than her, she had been nearly unable to believe it, not when he looked far more accomplished than her. Not in a career way – she had no idea what he was doing nowadays, anyway, though she could suppose it was still acting if he still loved it as much as he did younger – , but no. In his mind. In his way to see things. To see people.

It made her think of how her parents looked at her, sometimes. With the experience and patience of someone that knows better. It was unsettling to see it on such a young face. It was like they did not even speak the same language. And she had been left with the wonder of … if they ever had.

Obviously, the conversation ended fast. She could only scramble to apologize and express her desire of reconnecting had been genuine. But he hadn't shared them and had got that across with a blunt 'I'd rather not.'

Reflecting, she could not blame him for not wanting to keep in contact, both in the past and now. But if keeping touch was impossible, it really brought home that any yearning she had had to rekindle something between them, had been nothing but a pipe's dream. Wasted looks of hers directed in the shadows of a fire's smoke floating high behind a forest, as she hoped the smoke would lead her to a flame ready to flare up at the first blow of her lips. Behind the forest, ashes had always been the only thing waiting for her. Frosty and dry, way beyond remembrance. What she had been looking at in the sky, floating a disappearing dance, were the ash flakes as they crumbled to the void. It had never been smoke, waiting for her to discover its sizzling source. She had fooled herself, filled with her bitterness and the nostalgic – if vibrant – memory of what could never be.

She knew, she had known, always, but she had refused to acknowledge it. As time after time, life proved her no one was better.

He had left without saying quite what she would call a goodbye, as his phone rang to life, cutting any attempt she might have done and would not have missed to ridicule her further.

Or at least, she would realize that later. Not quite now, when she felt so dejected and pissed.

She vacated the room, not desiring to wait just to see him not come back, and that's in that state she was currently watching the elegant back of the lady that had been at his arm earlier as she sat on one of the stools of the second-floor bar.

She should not have come up, she knew. But she had been unable to resist her curiosity.

And alcohol. Oh yes, she was fully planning to blame a whole lot of things on her consumption for tonight.

Her steps carried her forward while her mind lounged in blissful refusal to function. She would reflect on her immaturity later. She had nothing to lose.

She sat on one of the left seats, glad there weren't that many people left around.

The bartender timidly asked her what she'd like but she saw the woman had heard it, and she pivoted slowly, surprise colouring her face when she noticed her. Shannon had to give it to her, she looked amazing. And from up close, the light hit her face, and she had the displeasure to see even her eyes were extraordinary. Who had golden eyes, huh? Could she not be boring in some place, at least?

"Hi again." Shannon chirped merrily, slapping a smile on her face, which only seemed to confuse the woman further, and she looked around, clearly looking for a masculine figure.

"Someone called him."She commented, making the sign of picking up a phone to the ear with her right hand. Understanding lighted her face up, and even in an expression that was merely polite, she was unfairly glowing. It was annoying, really. The woman did not say anything and just sipped on her water, and for someone who had made such an effort being polite despite how rude Shannon had been, it was astounding.

"I'll say it again but Kuon's tastes have changed," She said, determined to poke her, "he used to be more … selective."

Which was totally false. Usually, he didn't even have time to do that, chicks were just too busy throwing themselves at him. If they could prevent him to think too much about flaws they had, they were all the merrier. She had also heard the stories, he had been quite young when he had started to date. And too often, it was with older girls, as he had looked older than he truly had been.

This Kyoko woman sighed. Oh, clearly, she was unhappy but reigning herself in.

"You are not forced to insult him to insult me, you know." She eventually slipped, way too composed for Shannon's liking. "And we are just friends, it was not a lie."

Friends, my ass.

Just the way Kuon had been looking at her was like a red neon sign. It was the other reason she knew she had to give up. She knew the moment she saw them together. But she refused to believe it, and had hoped it was her jealousy and her intoxicated state … enhancing what seemed to be there. But it wasn't she hadn't seen. She had.

She would not say any of this, though. Plus, which woman could be friends with Kuon?

"Come on, girl. It might have been long and I might be his ex"-oh?, Shannon's mind did notice the twitch of the woman's eye at her words, that was definitely not pleasing for her – , "but that doesn't mean I'm stupid".

The woman drank her water in appeared calm, if only for the tight clutch she had of her glass.

"Milady, I think you are upsetting this woman, maybe you could – "

Shannon gaped, surprise to see the bartender first, back from wherever he had gone to, and second, trying to intervene. And he was totally picking sides too! If the worried look he gave to the other girl was of any telling.

The woman lifted her face in the bartender direction and smiled a bit, gratitude shining in them, before she shook her head.

"It's fine, mister, it's nothing we can't handle as adults … and it's not like… I don't understand, anyway."She added in a whisper near the end. "But, thank you."

The man blushed under her stare – which the lady in question seemed totally unaware of – and with a reluctant nod, he stepped away. She was pretty sure that bartender would have done just about anything this woman would have asked by the end of this conversation.

"... As I was saying, it is the truth."She repeated once he was gone.

"You can't be serious." Shannon commented, thinking about it. She was not as indifferent as she pretended to be. But she had a hard time believing nothing had happened between them yet.

"Are truly telling me you never climbed him up?"Shannon slipped, lifting her palm in mock shock, after thinking about different crass ways to phrase it. She had the pleasure of seeing a hidden turmoil surface at her words before disappearing again. "I mean … with how he is built… He was already quite the handsome specimen when he was a teen, but now… Let's just say I would not mind being ravaged by that again."She ended in a connivance murmur, as if they were besties.

The glass of her companion clanged hardly on the wooden counter.

"Would you please stop talking about him like he is a piece of meat?!" The woman demanded in a growled murmur.

Seriously? Shannon thought.

She was still polite. Come on. She couldn't be that perfect. And what was even more annoying was it reminded her of him. This mature composure, even in front of deeply inappropriate and rude comments. She had thrown several blows at her, and she was still being awfully mannered.

"Of course, of course."She said, soothingly. "But I must ask, are you blind?"

The woman sighed, shaking her head.

"I'm not, unfortunately."

So, it was not she was immune. What, then? She narrowed her eyes at the girl. No one would make her believe the woman didn't know how Kuon looked at her.

"But, I mean, can you really blame me?"She returned with a vengeance and a light laugh, and she was pleased when the woman arched a brow, taking the bait. She leaned closer to the girl, and saw her shoulders tense at the proximity.

"I had my legs around those strong hips as he moved and his kisses, you know…" She whispered to her, " … I can't help but be a little nostalgic… You don't forget such moves easily … well, if he is as good as he was younger… But you wouldn't know, since you never experienced his skin … such a shame … truly."

Her tone was so filled with venom, she surprised herself as she spoke the words. And she knew she was being unfair even as she continued. She might not like the girl, but it wasn't to that point. She knew, anyway. It was just her being bitter at this point, not real hate. Or it was mostly directed at herself, and she wanted to damn herself for not being able to forget it, even after drinking. What was the point of inebriation if you could not even forget what you didn't want to remember?

The woman's glass flew so fast Shannon's eyes were still trying to catch its movement as it crashed onto the floor, behind the counter. The sound rang in repeat in the huge hall, like an angry howling sound, a promise of violence. That is when Shannon noticed the woman's hand was bleeding a bit, on her thumb.

Slowly, oh-so-slowly, the woman twisted on her seat, keeping both hands on her thighs, as she gave the most hatred gaze she had ever received in her life.

"You will shut your trap now, or I will make you."She told her like she was giving her a death sentence, and Shannon's head gave a curt automatic scared nod. "I don't want to hear one single word more about what has happened between you two when he was younger… Are we clear?"

Shannon nodded again, frozen into spot by the black-hole gaze looking at her, feeling like she could be swallowed whole any moment.

"Even if something had been happening between the both of us, what happened between you two would not be something you should share or that should be my business, so long as we would be honest about it. So, it is pointless."

Once more, a short nod followed.

So, the woman had teeth. Well, she had decided to poke, hadn't she? She could only blame herself.

"And to speak of him like he is just a – she clenched her teeth – … a body to be appreciated, and I will make sure to speak of you and consider you only as something that can spread her legs, are we clear?"

Shannon gulped. Oh yes, she had pissed her alright. Though, not on the things she would have imagined that would.

Her eyes were captured again by molten fusion, looking at her so strongly she did not dare to breathe in or out.

"Are. We. Clear?"She spelled again, in a merciless tone, the gold of her eyes burning so close and so deep it made her blink in undue haste.

Shannon nodded. Twice. Just to be sure.

"Good."

She let her go and turned back with a groan at the glass spread on the ground, on the other side, looking deeply unhappy. It dawned on Shannon then that the bartender was already caring for it, crouched on the ground with gloves, busying himself in complete silence.

"I'm sorry."Came out from the golden demon in such a demure regretful voice, Shannon had to check it was the same person than the voice that had threatened earlier.

"It's okay, miss," the bartender said, "I barely heard a thing and will not repeat a soul, but I can hardly fault you, considering."

That didn't seem to console the lady in the least.

"Let me pay for it, this time. It is the second one, already."

The man shook his head.

"No can do, miss. I would not sleep well at night if I made you pay for glasses after such a well-deserved scold."He said cheekily, pulling half a smile from her right-side companion.

He finished gathering the pieces and left them to their own devices, letting an awkward silence settle around.

"I think you just seduced that bartender," she commented in an off voice and the young woman just arched a brow in confusion and turned away, making it clear she was planning to ignore her.

Shannon sighed. She had lost, hadn't she? On the whole line. So, now, it was time to assume.

"Would it help if I said I just wanted to piss you off so deeply that I said those things, but I don't consider him that way?"

The woman slowly turned to her, dubious. "That way?"

"Like just a body. Superficially."

Her gold eyes looked at her for a second more before closing for a good minute. She turned away.

"It does. Tremendously so, even."She said in a softer voice.

Silence settled once more, but this time the air was lighter and Shannon felt her shoulders loosen after a while. She ordered a drink after while, though an alcohol-free one this time, and her feminine companion ordered a new glass of water, joking with the bartender she would do her best to keep it on the counter, this time.

Then, after another minute or so, just as she was finishing her glass, a little eager to leave, Kyoko spoke.

"It's not that I don't understand why you can't stand me," she let out softly, " … but you really don't have anything to worry about…"She added, looking in the now empty restaurant, as if she was seeing something else.

Shannon looked at her with disbelief, remembering the look on Kuon's face when he had stared at the woman, but unable to not hear the genuine tone in her voice. Despite how much it did not make sense. To her, it was clear the woman was not indifferent to Kuon. Even if she was skilled at pretending. But could she-

Could she really not be seeing it?

It is right here. He is.

Just under her eyes. Could such a thing exist?

"I wonder…" She murmured as she stood from her seat and took her purse.

"I will go."She added as she turned away and made a few steps, but she stopped.

"I'm sorry for being a bitch."She shouted behind her shoulder.

She heard her snort, even from where she was.

"Apologies accepted."

Shannon left, shaking her head in incredulity. The fact she had just accepted her apology after the way she had acted with her… It was beyond what she could comprehend. She knew it was not indifference. Noble heart? Or maybe she was just too tired to hold a grudge?

She had looked worn out by their discussion afterwards.

Whatever.

She had never met such a woman. Not once had she tried to defend herself. But she had never backed down either. She had only risen to the defence of Kuon, when Shannon had badmouthed him. She surprised herself to smile.

Defeated lied at her feet in such huge glaring letters, unknown to the very person responsible of it, but she was smiling. And she knew soberness was returning with each step she took.

Now, she knew she would really be able to move on.

They truly looked like a good match, after all. One that would give a run for his money to Kuon and would make him crawl walls.

She snorted.

She nearly wished she was there to watch.

§§§

Ren found her nursing a new glass of water a little while later, and she didn't manage to dodge his worry. Not fully, at least. There was no dissimulation possible of a bleeding finger. But it permitted her to hide she felt a little tipsy and sick, still, as he focused his whole attention on the most obvious thing. And once again, she was truly glad there had been juice and sugar in it, and not just alcohol. He also apologized for what happened earlier, and bitterness mixed with relief, as they made their way back to the car. The alleviation she felt knowing he had no intention to spend any time with an old ex, and was even outright annoyed with her, was shattering. But she despised the fact he was somewhat apologizing on that woman behalf, and what it meant. Because, no matter how rude and unpleasant she had been, Kyoko could not help but still hear her words ring in her ears, and question – no, rather acknowledge – , how true some of them were.

She had known she was inadequate, but being shot that right to your face felt like another level of cruelty. As if it were so blatant people could not help but question her presence by his side when the question of them being an item came into view.

She had never felt such a deep sense of shame and inadequacy than when the condescending pitiful stare of that Shannon had looked right through her, with a smile that seemed nearly merciful even as she had thrown dagger after dagger at her.

The blade plunged deep inside her at all times, had sharpened to uncanny amount, as it cut deeper, when those words had reached her ears. And as reality doused her with the grandeur of its merciless cold, her senses felt heightened, until dawned on her how deeply she had deluded herself, recently.

How close she actually was to believe.

How unable she was to resist him. How incapable she was becoming to make pretences.

How close she was to…

To pour her heart to him and have faith in every little gesture he granted, as a token of everything she wished it was. Her mind be damned, how close she was to actually make the fall, to go all in, to bet it all. On nothing but smoke and delirious whispers her subconscious was forcing her to see as more than what it had always been.

But the frosty bite of an old friend that flavoured and favoured bitter, had brought back her common sense and was slowly turning her shell to sorrowful ice.

And still an universe clock is ticking...

PS: Well... I'm back with another chapter faster than I planned. Also... If you thought this was the storm... You are misled. Purposely.

But oh well, I hope you will like this chapter and not hate me too much. Because you have seen nothing yet.

I hope you are all healthy and bubbly and happy and that it will continue.

Kisses to you all.

Mimagfan,

AUTHOR OUT.