Chapter 52

Like Father, Like Son

A fierce wind was beating against the windowpanes, howling like a distant, sad cry.

Inside, in the headmaster's office, dying embers were crackling softly in the fireplace.

"Who would have thought? It is very beneficial for us. Even though the goblins say they don't take sides, the fact that they didn't reveal that the sword of Gryffindor in the Lestrange vault is a crude copy means they hold a grudge against Voldemort…"

Dumbledore's excited voice was merely background noise to Severus as he carefully turned the pages of his father's diary, the aged paper feeling flimsy beneath his fingers, and it was difficult to decipher his tangled thoughts:

I don't remember how I got here. There's no light and the space is closing in on me. The smell of fried food and sewage hangs in the air, suffocating, clinging to me. There's a dripping sound that drives me crazy. How did I get here? A moment ago I was standing next to Eileen. My hands were on her, on her neck. I love her. Why did I do that? Her black eyes were terrified. I've turned into a monster.

Tobias Snape's diary felt more like a confessional, a window into the chaos that had ravaged the man's mind. His father's words were feeding the turmoil in his mind.

"There's no light and the space is closing in on me."

Severus could almost feel the suffocation that tormented his father. The desperate, anguished musings of a man who had been adrift, lost in his own guilt and madness left a bitter taste in his mouth.

His father's descent into violence, the monstrous act described in cryptic phrases— "My hands were on her, on her neck. I love her. Why did I do that?"—sent a familiar shiver through him.

He vividly remembered the screams, the blows, the musty smell of the floorboards when he had hidden under his bed as a child. He hated his father! He had spent his life wrestling with the shadow of that paternal figure, the cruelty, the rage. But now, reading his diary, reading this confession of weakness, of fear, something deeper was awakened.

The crackling fire and Dumbledore's voice blended into a dull hum as Severus stared at the last line of the journal. Tobias's admission of love felt almost grotesque, twisted with violence.

"I've turned into a monster."

The wizard had been walking a fine line for years. The weight of that heritage was evident. The monster that Tobias feared he'd become, Severus had already seen in the mirror too many times.

He closed the diary softly, pushing it aside. wishing he had never read those terrible words. He would never again be able to shake off the dread of knowing that, like his father, he too had gone too far.

And then, Severus couldn't tear the sudden image of his mother from his mind, her huge, doe-like black eyes, glistening with tears. She had always been quiet, beaten down by life and by the man who claimed to love her. He remembered how helpless he had felt as a child, watching her cry, unable to stop the tears or the pain that lingered behind them.

Now, as her mother's image faded, another face took its place: Laurel's. He'd never meant to hurt her, but like his father, he'd allowed the darkness to distort something he'd once thought of as love. Was it, really?

Without a word, Severus stood, drawing his wand from the folds of his robes. His hand trembled slightly as he raised it, and with a flick, he whispered:

"Expecto Patronum."

The majestic silver doe materialized, galloping across the room, and the wizard watched it with a heavy heart. Despite his desperate attempts to convince himself that his feelings had been replaced, his Patronus remained unchanged, its essence still tied to his eternal love for Lily.

A love cemented by his aching guilt, by the bitter remorse that kept him from sleeping. Severus knew that was his punishment. Even after all this time, after everything he had told himself about his feelings for Laurel, a part of him refused to go away, no matter how hard he tried to bury it.

The doe slowed its pace and turned its head to look at him with luminescent eyes. The same eyes, again and again. His mother. Laurel. And always, Lily.

"I've turned into a monster."

Severus slumped back into his chair, feeling unable to breathe.

"Love, Severus, is a powerful force." —Dumbledore's portrait spoke with a firm voice, observing the scene from its place on the wall.

Snapping back to reality, the wizard turned his head in surprise upon hearing those words, breaking the spell and letting the doe fade into wisps of silver smoke

"As so is guilt." —Dumbledore gave him a sympathetic smile. — "It is not something we can easily suppress, no matter how much we wish to. And it often lingers in the most unexpected ways."

"I thought I could forget her," —Severus murmured, his voice low. —"I thought... the Patronus would change."

"You have always carried the weight of your choices on your shoulders. The shame that clouds your heart and mind, is preventing you from moving forward. Until you forgive yourself, you will never be free to love completely."

"I don't know if I can." —His throat tightened as he recalled Lily's face, her laughter — "I betrayed her, Albus. I was the reason she died. How does one forgive that?"

"The path to forgiveness begins with realising that you are not the same person you were before. The Severus Snape who made that terrible choice was lost, consumed by the desire for power and approval. But the Severus Snape who stands before me now has fought tirelessly to protect Lily's son, has mended his ways, and has shown profound courage." —Dumbledore's portrait gave him a long, thoughtful look. — "You know what needs to be done to find peace within yourself, Severus."

"Defeat him…"

But before he could finish his sentence, a thin, black bearded wizard burst into his portrait with his usual air of irritation, brushing the edges of his robe as if he'd just returned from an arduous task.

"I know where Harry Potter is, headmaster!" —Phineas Nigellus cried. — "They are camping in the Forest of Dean! The Mudblood…

"Don't you dare to use that word!" —Severus snapped, angrily.

"All right, the Granger girl, then! She mentioned the place as she opened her bag, and I heard her!"

"Good. Very good! Now, Severus, the sword! Do not forget that it must be taken under conditions of need and valor — and he must not know that you give it! If Voldemort should read Harry's mind and see you acting for him"

"I know," —said Snape curtly.

He approached the portrait of Dumbledore and pulled at its side. It swung forward, revealing a hidden cavity behind it from which he took the sword of Gryffindor.

"And you still aren't going to tell me why it's so important to give Potter the sword?" —said Snape as he swung a traveling cloak over his robes.

"No, I don't think so," —said Dumbledore. — "He will know what to do with it. And Severus, be very careful, they may not take kindly to your appearance."

Snape turned at the door.

"Don't worry, Albus," —he said coolly. — "I have a plan…"

And he left the room.