In front of the main mission counter in the guild hall, Megumin, Kazuma, and Aqua are all sat out in seiza with placards around their necks and hangdog expressions. They read, in order, "I blew up the city wall," "I gave her the job," and "I made a picnic of it."
Once the guards had shown up to their picnic-turned-brawl the previous day, all three of them had been hauled off in chains for the destruction they had caused. Luna had let them cool their heels in the town's cells overnight, before showing up to bail them out the following morning. She hadn't said a word to them from the moment she picked them up beyond instructing them to follow her back to the guild, then to sit and wear their signs once they were back. That had been three hours ago and none of them could feel their legs anymore.
At first, people mostly ignored them, or regarded them with faint amusement as they passed by to take missions and report successes to Luna, who had taken over the desk with her usual professionalism. No-one was especially surprised to see them there, given that the detonation the previous day had shaken teeth loose on the far side of Axel. That changed though as the lunch regulars started to show-up. Namely a certain friendly buffoon by the name of Dust.
"Hoo boy, Kazuma. They got you whipped, eh? Not only did you get dragged out to help this lil' girl with her fun, Luna's got you taking the beating for it too!" Dust gloated with malicious glee, doing his best to get under the skin of his 'friends' while they were incapable of wringing his neck for it. It was working too: Megumin looked ready to Explode him at a moment's notice, her eyes glowing a dangerous red (partly from anger and partly from the fat tears rolling down her cheeks). Aqua was sniveling, still hurt at her plans being ruined and yelled at, while Kazuma was dangerously quiet. It wasn't the 'I'm ignoring you' kind of silence either, so much as a pale imitation of Luna's death smile. Dust, the oblivious moron that he was, completely missed his impending doom.
Dust had just started to try stacking things on the defenseless trio, when a terse cough came from behind him. Glancing away from his tower of dice and whiskey tumblers, he was rewarded with a frustrated Luna, glaring down at him. By the time he had risen halfway, her fingers had already looped into his collar
After a quick scuffle, Dust was now the one sitting on the floor, tied up in a manner that had Darkness breathing in a way he wasn't comfortable with and wearing a sign reading, "I kicked my friends while they were down" while Luna dragged the other three to her office.
Luna sat regally atop her desk, looking down at the three of them with an expression so stern it could have been carved from stone. None of them were quite able to meet her face and all were fighting the urge to rub their legs to get some circulation back. Taking a deep breath, she eventually began to address them, her words slow and deliberate. "Three. days. We have had control of the guild for a full three days, and your boneheaded antics have already almost cost us everything. If it weren't for the fact that you did destroy a segment we had been asked to demolish anyway and that I was able to convince them that it was an 'accidentally overpowered' Explosion spell, the odds are the aldermen would have already revoked our charter entirely and just allowed Lord Dustiness or one of his vassals to take over completely, not to mention taking the cost directly out of our hides. I doubt any of you would have seen another sunrise without shackles for as long as you would have lived. As it is, I managed to convince them that this is an internal matter - a legacy of Gerald's lax training policies. That means that instead of the magistrate, you are now my responsibility." Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Believe me, you might have preferred the former. Megumin." She turned to the girl, giving the mage her full attention and causing the child's already-shattered confidence to melt like an ice cube before a dragon's breath. "You are under probation until further notice. Unless sanctioned directly by me and supervised by a responsible guild overseer," she paused to shoot a glare at Kazuma that could have stripped paint, "You are forbidden, by order of the council, from casting any offensive magic within Axel's walls and all surrounding land containing any inhabited structure, livestock or cultivated fields." Megumin looked like she'd just watched her beloved familiar, Chomusuke (who had missed all the excitement, remaining curled up on her bed) be drowned in front of her, but eventually managed a small nod, tears welling up in her eyes. With the primary culprit mollified, Luna turned her attention to the least guilty of the trio. "Aqua, since I know how much you love their company, you are to volunteer at the church of Eris for the next month, excluding Sundays. Every time you try to actively convert anyone, an additional week will be added to your punishment. Every time you act up, cause trouble, or be anything less than respectful, I'm adding another week to your punishment. They'll be giving you the most grueling jobs and watching you like a hawk, telling me about every little mis-step, so don't even start to think you're getting off lightly.."
Aqua pouted at that, more annoyed that she was being punished at all. Honestly, not that Luna would know, but the punishment itself wasn't so bad, now that she'd made up with Eris. The fact that she'd be helping mend the bridges between sects was honestly a blessing in disguise.
Luna then leveled her glare at Kazuma. This wasn't Kazuma's friend/boss staring at him: This was the disappointed big sister and that cut him far deeper than her lecturing him ever could. "Kazuma. Since Megumin's target was a guild contract, one you gave her and escorted her on, it has been decided that you are to be held responsible for paying for the excess damages."
Kazuma was completely silent, his back stiffened to the point he could have been tipped over with a slight nudge. His mouth hadn't moved, but a high, growing yell started to bubble up from within him as something fundamentally broke at the realization he was to be in even more debt than before the revolution.
"Uh, Kazuma?" Aqua eventually asked, prodding him lightly in worry.
That was just enough to snap him out of his stupor, lunging towards the Crimson Demon, "You damn chuuni! All that work, all that money-! Gone! Gone in an instant! I'll wring that money out of you even if it kills you!" Only Aqua's lightning-quick full nelson kept Kazuma from making good on his threats.
-Ko-No-Su-Ba!-
After their tongue-lashing, Luna unceremoniously dismissed them, sending Aqua back to the infirmary, Kazuma to the front desk and Megumin to, "Literally anywhere, just stay out of trouble or so help me, I will break that staff in half!"
Dust had also been released (or maybe simply escaped) from his sitting, the adventurer eventually coming to the desk to shamefacedly apologize in a lull. "Hey, I'm sorry about earlier. I was just having a bit of fun, ya know?"
Kazuma didn't even have the energy to be mad anymore. In the face of his newly-expanded debt, Dust's antics seemed insignificant. "Eh, it's fine, man. Let's be real, I'd have done the same."
"Yeah, well, I still feel kinda bad, so to make up for it I gotcha a little something." He slid a small paper ticket clandestinely across the desk. Kazuma looked it over, quirking an eyebrow. It looked a lot like a typical coupon for a maid cafe - something that wouldn't be out of place in his old world. "A lot of the other guys use these and given that I'm pretty sure you're in the dog house with Aqua right now, I thought you'd need a little pick-me-up, if you know what I mean." Dusk winked and shot Kazuma a finger gun, making it clear he had less than pure thoughts about what he and Aqua got up to. "Besides, you've done plenty for all of us, what with helping throw Gerald out into the cold, so I figure you deserve to be let in on a men's secret, you know?"
"Huh. Well, thanks I guess?" Kazuma responded, looking the coupon over. There was a street address and a small map on the back, as well as the typical alluring promises of a more risque establishment, as if he couldn't tell that from the pinup figure and prominent lipstick mark. He tapped the coupon on the desk and cast his gaze up to the ceiling, in the vague direction of the room he and Aqua shared. It really had been a long time since he got some him-time and Aqua's habit of pressing her chest into his back every time he slept, wasn't doing his mental fortitude any favors. What the heck? He made up his mind and tucked the coupon into his pocket. He deserved something like this. As soon as work ended, he'd check it out.
Once he'd closed down the counter for the day, Kazuma set out to follow the map off the main street. The further he went, the more he couldn't help but feel he was in the wrong spot. The cramped alleyway and dark, looming shadows were nearly screaming for somebody to mug him and if it weren't for the odd adventurer going the same way, he might have assumed Dust had gone off the deep end and was working for some gang to get his debt cleaned off. Following a safe distance behind a furtive man with a crossbow over his shoulder, Kazuma paused before pushing open the same dilapidated door. Just a few steps inside, he was taken aback as the ominous aura of the alley was replaced with festivity, light heartedness, and the downright palatable taste of lust. The only customers he could see talking with the girls or bent over writing something in small booths were all male, but given the establishment, that wasn't really surprising. The surprising part was that the employees were all scantily clad, supernaturally attractive and they all had wings, horns, and/or tails. This wasn't a maid cafe; it was a godsdamned succubus cafe!
Kazuma was dumbfounded, his eyes roaming over the buffet of exposed, feminine skin and exotic, inhuman additions. A small part of him was screaming that he should run and get the guards immediately - demons were, after all, the servants of the very guy he had been brought to this world to destroy! That small part however, was currently getting dragged into a dark alley not unlike the one he had just braved, before being beaten senseless by his libido, loneliness and stress, tied in a sack and tossed in the river. The internal conflict (and copious eye-candy) kept him distracted long enough for a hostess to approach him, a megawatt smile on her face and a sway in her hips. "Welcome home master, is this your first time with us? I see you have one of our tickets." Before Kazuma could rally his thoughts (or find somewhere safe to look at ), she slipped into his personal space and took the coupon from his hand, her fingers lingering on his for a tantalizing moment before she made the slip of paper vanish. "Shall I show you around and explain how things work?"
"I, uh, yeah, that would be great." Kazuma murmured, allowing himself to be led by the belt, trying to pull his thoughts together. "I thought all demons were considered enemies of the crown, how can a shop like this exist?"
The succubus smiled, her every movement erotic, despite clearly having had to explain this dozens, if not hundreds of times. "Yes, but we can't simply not have access to humans. While we eat your food as well, it simply provides much less sustenance than we need. Human intimacy is much, much more effective at satisfying our needs." Kazuma gulped as she explained, her hands roaming over her body as she seated him in a small booth, her colleague already next to them, tending to the crossbowman he had followed. "Many adventurers in this city live in barracks, meaning that they become pent-up in a number of ways, unable to do anything about their desires, due to the other men sleeping all around them. We offer a mutually beneficial arrangement to help them relax in exchange for a tiny taste of emotion and vitality to sustain ourselves. You may rest assured that we never take so much that you would notice the lack in day-to-day life, or your , we set up an appointment where we will visit you in a perfectly vivid dream, tailored to your preferences. It doesn't give quite as much for us as a more intimate encounter, but it's enough if we do it a few times a week. The main benefit being that it leaves no evidence while not harming the participant. You get a perfect dream where you can do whatever you like, with whomever you like, as whoever you like and in exchange, we get a handful of minutes from the end of your days. Wouldn't you say that is more than a fair trade?"" She bent low over the table, her bosom all but brushing the polished wood, as she set down a form and pressed a pen into his fingers.. "Just fill this out with all the details you desire and tonight, we'll send a girl to make sure that dream comes true, alright? Pleasant dreams" She winked and finished off her sales pitch with an airy, flirty voice, waggling her fingers goodbye to him as she sashayed away, leaving Kazuma giddy with anticipation. Anything he wanted? With anyone? With no consequences?! This was too much-!
The form was fairly simple, despite its intriguing entries, asking for specifics of the dream, the girl (or girls, that cost extra), who and what he wanted to be. Kazuma couldn't keep a grin off his face as he bent over the form and started scribbling.
-Ko-No-Su-Ba!-
That night, Kazuma was a nervous wreck. He hadn't considered the fact that he shared a bed with Aqua when he'd signed up for the nightly visit. He'd simply been too beguiled, excited at the idea of finally getting some 'release.' With Aqua pressed against his back, he was being very intimately reminded why he needed this, while also having issues actually falling asleep, anticipation gripping him. Then there was the fact that he had no idea just how close his 'visitor' needed to get, in order to enter his dreams. At least he'd managed to maneuver things so that Aqua was the one closer to the wall this time, so that ought to make it easier. Staying awake wasn't helping anything - he was just losing himself in a spiral of anxiety. There was nothing else for it but to close his eyes, focus on his breathing and hope that he drifted off soon.
As midnight passed, the latch on the window lifted and the young succubus assigned to fulfill Kazuma's dream crawled through into the room. She swiftly closed the window behind her and breathed a sigh of relief. Anyone taking a look at her attire would know the cold didn't bother her, but it'd be a rookie's blunder to let a cold breeze wake her clients up. Wait, clients?
She blinked, scowling to herself as she bit her thumb in thought. The paperwork didn't say anything about a second client. This was unusual, but nothing unique - it wouldn't be the first time a client wanted to cheat on his other half without the legal issues associated with it. Still, there was something familiar with the aqua-haired girl currently clinging possessively to the young man's back. She pulled out the order and scanned it, a succubus's eyes having no troubles in the dim moonlight, only to realize with an excited shock that her client's bed-mate was the described girl in the dream!
A fact unknown to most people was that, despite their reputation as soul-sucking, bed-hopping harlots, succubi were actually complete succ-ers (heh) for romance. Vitality was always good, but emotions gave every human a distinct 'flavor' and the taste of the raw emotion behind such human entanglements was better than sweet pastries for them! The two of them must have been too shy and bashful to take their relationship to 'that' point yet and he'd requisitioned the dream so they could experiment without actually doing it! It was honestly too adorable for words and she had to restrain herself from jumping with joy, containing a squeal of excitement. She decided to show a touch of initiative, slowly entwining the two lovers' dreams so they could share Kazuma's dream scenario. Sure, it wasn't on the paper and co-ordinating two dreams, while she puppetted the astral essence of one of them, rather than simply inserting herself was a lot more demanding, but she was confident of her talents and besides it was just too adorable to not do. She felt a slight frisson of concern at the resistance she felt when pulling on the blue haired one's dreams to entwine them, but it was nothing she couldn't overcome by exploiting their mutual feelings for one another. Still, most mortals came quickly (heh), while this one felt like dragging up an anchor! If she had needed to try much harder, she would have likely woke them both up.
As their physical forms smiled, inside of their sleeping minds, the dream began to manifest for Aqua and Kazuma. He, of course, had been expecting as much, excited to see it had worked as intended. He was bedecked in a generic suit with a briefcase, exactly as he'd imagined when he'd written everything up. He had oddly enough wanted to just feel successful as a breadwinner for his wife in the dream and even though it sure hadn't helped him fall asleep, he'd gone so far as to make Aqua his wife, her form having been the center for most of his less pure thoughts and desires as of late. Instinctively knowing exactly where his home was, he started on his way, walking through the mock-up of a busy Tokyo street as he'd always dreamed of living in.
Aqua, for her part, was much more confused. She was standing in front of a stove, her clothes far from what she had grown accustomed to. She was now wearing a pair of 'mom jeans' along with a light blouse, covered by a cooking apron. Everything about this was odd for multiple reasons, not the least of which was that she didn't exactly know how to cook. She also didn't know how she'd gotten into a modern-day apartment in Kazuma's homeworld of all places! Last she remembered she was laying down in her bed at the guild hall.
A dream! She was dreaming; that was the only logical conclusion she could come up with. Kind of a weird dream, but hey, she made this look good, even if it did seem she'd put on a little weight in the right places. Before she could preen too much though, she heard the door to the apartment unlock and open.
"Honey, I'm home" came a voice from the hallway - Kazuma's voice. She was suddenly acutely aware of the weight of the golden band on her finger.
Oh my heavens, I am actually having a dream about being married to Kazuma! I don't have it that bad, do I? She immediately panicked internally, her heart jumping as she turned around to see him in a neat business suit. The hikineet cleaned up well, she had to admit. Well, if it is a dream. No reason not to enjoy it while I can, right? Smiling brightly for him, she skipped forward and leaned up against him like a stereotypical housewife, "Welcome home dear, how was work?" she cooed, reaching up and playfully loosening his tie. Oh me, he looks mature and so damned good in a suit! I need to find a way to get him one in Axel. Leaning up onto her toes, she planted a kiss on his lips, savoring the feeling. This dream felt so realistic, she could only hope that she'd remember it.
Kazuma was almost struck dumb by the sight of his 'housewife' Aqua. He'd even made sure to up his height a bit so he'd be taller than her instead of just matching and it was just perfect for him. He grabbed her by the waist, pulling her in tighter as he deepened the kiss lightly. Pulling back, they're both left breathless as they pant for air.
This dream is so real! I normally never have to think about breathing… Although after a kiss like that, it'd be weird not to be gasping. Their thoughts mirrored each other, both still oblivious to their situation.
"My day was fairly uneventful. What about you Aqua, what did you do with your day? Is dinner ready?" he asked, this having been a lead-up to the foreplay in his dream scenario.
Aqua froze up at that question, not having expected for him to ask that. She surely didn't know how to cook, so if he asked, this dream was shortly going to turn into a nightmare. "I, um, was just about to start it? But maybe you'd like for us to order out instead?" she offered, panic setting in for her.
Kazuma blinked, the change in the script jarring his mind. Wasn't she supposed to ask if he wanted dinner, a bath, or her? Then again, this was much more Aqua-like, which was honestly appealing in its own way. If it was that realistic, she probably still couldn't cook either. "I think we can order in tonight. How about I call for our favorites and maybe you can slip into something more comfortable? I think I know how we can kill time while we wait" he finished, playing with her hair as he made the suggestion.
Aqua's face turned a scarlet red, unprepared for any Kazuma to be quite this forward, dream or otherwise! It was almost too much as she let out a meek yelp, nodding frantically. "I'll uh- G-go and do that then." She started backing away from this far too smug and confident Kazuma, barely able to function. "I'll just find something to wear! Yes, that's exactly what I'll do!" A slightly manic laugh slipped out as she fled, her own nerves getting the better of her. This was going to be one of those kinds of dreams?! When had she last even had one of those? This was too much, way too much!
Kazuma honestly couldn't be enjoying himself any more. These succubi really knew how to make a scene feel real. Sure, he wasn't already doing the deed in the hallway, but this domestic bliss was only heightening his anticipation, making the coming payoff all the more enticing.
Aqua had entered what was clearly their room and she was starting to full-on panic. Why did she agree to that? She didn't know what there was to wear! Besides, this was just a dream, so shouldn't she have just been able to have more comfortable clothing on? Seeing a closet, she approached it with trembling hands and slowly opened the doors, only to almost choke. All there was in it was a set of lingerie. She couldn't possibly wear that! Sure, it was cute as hell and matched her hair, but it was far too scandalous for a goddess like her to ever wear. Although, this was just a dream. Surely, there wouldn't be any harm in trying it out, right?
Kazuma had ordered their food on his cellphone, his fingers mildly clumsy for just a month or two without such a simple convenience, before tossing it onto the coffee table and pulling off his tie. Aqua had been gone for a bit longer than he'd anticipated, having honestly expected her to just return with perfect timing, the second he'd finished ordering.
"Ka-Kazuma?" came her voice from the bedroom, her nervousness painfully obvious even to him. Ah, so that was the kind of scenario, was it?
Shrugging off his shirt, he strolled in, looking down at her kneeling on the bed. His mind needed to reboot as he took in her stunning figure. He had not truly been prepared to see her in such clothing, or more to the point, lack of clothing.
Aqua's heart pounded as she took in a shirtless Kazuma, every moment of his training clear to see as he advanced on her with an intense look of desire on his face. She let him push her onto the soft sheets and caress her cheek, kneeling over her. "I think we're both glad it's a safe day," he chuckled, reaching for his belt. A safe day? What did he mean by- OH GREAT STARS IN HEAVEN, HE WAS GOING TO-!
Aqua's shock and embarrassment were just too much. She woke up, violently.
Aqua's eyes snapped open, as she flung herself upright in a surge of embarrassment and a sudden need to put as much distance between herself and Kazuma as possible. Colored stars exploded in her vision as her forehead met someone else's and a joint yelp of surprise and pain filled the room. As Aqua clutched her head, the sudden noise and motion also woke Kazuma, the libidinous 'hero' proving a heavier sleeper, blinking in bewilderment. "Hahn? What's going on?" he asked, having been enjoying his dream.
Two different girls were making noises of pain, one more than the other. The succubus's forehead was actually smoking lightly, her demonic body recoiling before the divinity that is Aqua. Aqua had already started to heal her own head, the swelling starting to go down, before she noticed who, or rather what she'd hit.
"A demon!? What is a disgusting, dirty, demon- A succubus at that, doing in Axel, let alone my bedroom?! Kazuma, kill it!" she shrieked, instinctively ordering him to do her dirty work as she wrapped the blanket tighter around herself in defense. Ordinarily she'd relish the chance to slap the soul-sucking slutbag with her strongest demon-banishing spell, but the shock of finding one in her bedroom of all places and the feeling of vulnerability from having it looming over her as she slept was filling her with the kind of primal terror she'd thought only mortals were cursed with.
"Of course I'm here! Didn't your boyfriend warn you I was coming tonight? He filled out a form and everything!" the succubus whined, standing back up herself and becoming every bit as indignant as Aqua.
"Bull shit! Kazuma might be a perv, but even he wouldn't be dumb enough to sign a contract with a demon, especially with me right here! Right Kazuma?" she asked, turning to look at said man, only to find him refusing to meet her eyes. "Right, Kazuma?" She repeated.His silence was more damning than anything he could have actually said. "Right then," she nodded, channeling a portion of Luna's tranquil fury, "After I purify her, you're next, you repulsive, lecherous, backstabbing hikiNEET!"
Kazuma could feel the killing intent radiating from the furious goddess and honestly began to fear for the poor succubus's life - she looked like she was barely even legal, for goodness sake! He quickly shook his head, jumping out of bed to protect her, standing with his arms out between the demon and the literal divine wrath under the bedsheets. "No, wait! Yes, I did it, but only after Dust gave me a voucher! I thought it would be rude not to use it once I realized what it was for."
"Oh right, since you used a voucher, it's all perfectly fine and understandable," Aqua hissed, venom dripping from every syllable. In the wash basin on the other side of the room, the small dregs of water from that morning began to steam and lash like a miniature storm was whipping at them. "And was I the price for whatever deal you made? Or were you just going to 'do it' with me right here while I slept, you filthy virgin?" Aqua accused, her anger growing all the more terrible.
"What-? URGH, no! Good God, Aqua how could you-?" Kazuma blanched, the very idea turning his stomach. "They give dreams, not what you're thinking! Where'd you even get that idea?! I requested a dream so that I could, ya know, 'take care of things' that way. I didn't even know she had to enter the room!" Kazuma explained, trying to make the situation slightly less awful.
"Oh, 'just' a dream? I suppose that makes it better, doesn't it? I'll-" Aqua abruptly stopped, realizing exactly why her dream had been so vivid. She stood from the bed, swaying like a sleepwalker as she approached. Kazuma tried to stop her, but Aqua ducked under his hand and reached out, quick as a viper, seizing the succubus by one of the slim straps of her bikini-like top and yanking her forward, her fingers lightly scorching the girl's collarbone. "You wouldn't happen to have done something to my dream as well, would you, filthy demon?" she asked, her trembling voice promising pain and suffering the likes of which the demon could only imagine.
Nodding frantically, the young succubus only hoped that she'd be able to get out of this alive if she cooperated well enough. "Yes! I'm sorry, I just- Once I realized you were the target of his request I figured, since you're clearly a couple, that you'd both just had cold feet and hadn't gone the whole way so I tried to… help out a bit. Such young, budding romance is like strawberry jam turnovers for us succubi!"
Aqua dropped her, processing the realization that she and Kazuma shared that dream and that Kazuma had been the one to plan every detail of it. She started to turn towards him, her head jerking and twitching like a certain horror movie, only to find him not where he'd been standing a moment ago. The soft click of the door's latch alerted her to his location and she snapped to stare at him. Kazuma stopped, frozen like a deer in the headlights as she started to stalk towards him, her tread grim and inevitable.
Kazuma, knowing he was doomed, glanced at the succubus, his eyes wide and afraid. He might die, but there was no reason for them to both perish. "Run," he whispered with what might very well be his last breath of this life. "Fly, you fool!"
Aqua pounced with a scream of fury and the sounds of his pain and torment resounded throughout the entire hall and for blocks around, as a slender figure leapt through the window to safety.
