Apologies, it's taking me longer than usual to write. Between work and assignments, I'm a bit behind.
Enjoy.
Chapter 12: Monster
The slam of the front door reverberated through the Boarding House, though it barely registered to Stefan. Pain lanced through his abdomen where the jagged chair leg jutted out, but it was a faint whisper compared to the roar of self loathing that plagued his mind.
He welcomed the agony.
Caroline was at his side in an instant, her hands firm but gentle as they hovered over the stake embedded in his stomach. She was saying something—her voice soothing and melodic—but he didn't hear the words as she yanked the stake free.
The pain exploded anew, dragging a guttural groan from his throat. His shoulders sagged, his head dipping forward as he fought to stay sitting upright on the hardwood floor. He wanted to tell her to go, to leave him to bleed out and desiccate. But then she was there, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him into her embrace.
Stefan hated how his body betrayed him. He clung to her, his hands curling into the fabric of her shirt, his face pressed into her shoulder. He felt her warmth, her steady heartbeat against his chest. For a moment, he let himself sink into her embrace, pretending that the gaping hole inside of him wasn't tearing him apart.
The scent of his own blood hung in the air, sharp and metallic, mingling with the faint floral trace of Caroline's perfume. He hadn't noticed how tightly he was clutching her until his muscles began to ache. He loosened his grip, but she didn't let go, her hand moving to the back of his head in a soothing gesture.
But the illusion of comfort shattered as quickly as it formed.
"It's okay," she murmured, her hand stroking his head. "You're okay."
Her words ignited something inside him—a spark of anger, of bitterness. He didn't deserve her kindness. He didn't deserve anything. He pulled back sharply, his hands trembling as he pushed her away.
"No," he growled, his voice raw. "It's not okay. It's never going to be okay."
He pushed himself to his feet, staggering, one hand clutching his torn abdomen. His other hand clenched into a trembling fist at his hip.
"Stefan—"
"I'm a monster, Caroline," he cut her off, his voice rising. "Why don't you get that?"
She didn't move, didn't flinch, and her unwavering presence only made the knot in his chest tighten. He dropped his gaze to the floor. He couldn't look at her.
"I'm the worst kind of monster. A ripper. I've killed more people than I can count. And Elena—" His voice cracked on her name. "I almost killed her." he muttered, the words tumbling out before he could stop them.
Caroline didn't respond immediately, and the silence was suffocating. He thought he could feel her judgment, even though he wasn't looking at her.
"When I found her..." he trailed off, his fist clenching at his side. "There was another guy."
Determined now to show Caroline the true depths of his depravity, he continued. Speaking the words he hadn't dared until this moment.
"He had her pinned against a car." Stephan turned, he didn't want her to see his face when he revealed the truth.
"At first, I didn't understand what was happening. But then I heard her whimper, I could smell her fear."
"When I pulled the guy off of her. I wanted to kill him," he continued, his voice thick with shame.
"I would have killed him, but then..."
"But then what?" Caroline's voice was calm, but there was an edge of urgency to it.
Stefan forced himself to look up, meeting her eyes for a split second before the weight of his confession forced him to look away again. "But then she called my name..."
"When I looked at her... there was so much blood. It was... All I could think about was how much I wanted her, to feed from her. How much I needed it. I didn't even care about helping her or what she had been through—I just wanted to..." Stefan didn't need to finish the thought. His intention was clear.
Caroline didn't say anything, and the silence felt like a knife twisting in his chest.
"I rushed to her," he said, his voice cracking, "I thought, if I could have just one taste, that it would be enough. Before I knew what I was doing I had her pinned back against that same car and I drank from her. And I enjoyed it, Caroline. I enjoyed every second of it."
Stefan swallowed hard, his throat tight. "Do you get it now? I'm not someone worth saving, Caroline. I'm a monster."
Stefan's words were devastating, but not in the way he intended. She didn't see a monster in front of her. She saw a man breaking under the weight of his own guilt, a man so consumed by self-loathing that he couldn't see past it.
She tilted her head, studying him with an intensity that made him want to crawl out of his own skin.
"You're not a monster," she said finally, her voice quiet but unyielding.
"Stop," Stefan barked, his hands trembling at his sides. "Stop pretending there's anything good left in me. Stop wasting your time!"
"I know what you're doing," she said softly, stepping closer. "I won't let you push me away."
Stefan's head snapped up, his eyes blazing with anger and desperation. "Why won't you just leave," he demanded, his voice cracking under the strain. "I don't want you here!"
"You don't mean that," Caroline replied, stepping closer to him.
"Yes, I do!" he shouted. "Go home, Caroline."
"No" she said simply.
Her words seemed to catch him off guard. He blinked, his anger faltering for a moment, but then his expression hardened again.
"You're wasting your time here," he said, his tone venomous. "You should be with Elena. She's the one who needs you, not me. You've spent weeks babysitting me when you could've been helping her. What kind of friend does that make you?"
The accusation stung, but Caroline refused to let it show. She refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing her break.
"You're trying to hurt me," she said, her voice steady. "You think if you say the right thing, I'll walk away. But it's not going to work. I'm not leaving."
"Why?" Stefan asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Because you're my friend," she said, her tone soft but resolute. "And friends don't give up on each other."
"You should hate me," Stefan hissed, his voice rising again. "After everything I've done, you should hate me. How can you not hate me?"
"Because this isn't you," she said, her voice calm despite his fury.
"You don't know me," he snapped, his voice cracking as he turned his face away.
"I do," she countered, her tone softening. She reached for him, her hand brushing his arm. "And I know you're hurting. But I'm not leaving you."
He didn't understand her. He didn't understand how she could stand there, so calm and unwavering, after everything he'd just told her.
Her words hit him like a punch to the gut and his resolve crumbled, his anger giving way to desperation. He sank back onto the edge of the bed, his head falling into his hands. "Please," he whispered, his voice broken. "Please, just go. I can't… I can't do this anymore."
"I'm not leaving," she said firmly.
He wanted to fight her, to push her away one last time but the finality in her voice left no room for argument. Stefan felt the anger and bitterness giving way to something else. Exhaustion. Defeat.
Caroline knelt in front of him, her hands reaching for his wrists. She pulled them away from his face, forcing him to look at her. Her touch was gentle, but her gaze was fierce.
"Stefan, look at me," she said softly.
He resisted at first, his eyes fixed on the floor, but her persistence won out. When his gaze finally met hers, he saw no disgust, no fear—only a quiet determination that stole the breath from his lungs.
"I'm here," she said, her voice unwavering. "And I'm not going anywhere."
The dam inside him broke. A choked sob escaped his lips, and before he knew it, he was pulling her into his arms. She didn't hesitate, holding him tightly as he wept into her shoulder, her hands moving in soothing circles over his back.
Stefan knew he didn't deserve her kindness. But in that moment, as her warmth seeped into him, he couldn't bring himself to let go.
