Chapter 15: Jacob
"So you and that Cullen girl seemed a lot more friendly than I expected," Billy said, breaking the silence that had hung over us since I picked him up. "Was that for Charlie's benefit?"
"Her name's Alice," I mumbled instead of answering.
"They're dangerous, Jake. I know you want to find Bella, but you're in too deep here."
"They're not that bad, Dad. And you're right, I actually do like Alice. Esme too," I added, remembering the bag of cookies in the backseat. Billy sighed.
"I'm just worried about you Jake. It's no secret that you haven't taken to your new role in the pack well, and recently you've seemed, well, a little obsessed over this." I glared at him.
"If it was Mom we were looking for, would you say I was in too deep?" I snapped. My words hung over us like a guillotine. I knew that I had gone too far.
"I was married to Sarah for nearly as long as you've been alive Jake." Billy's voice was stormy. "It's not the same and you know it."
"You're right. I'm sorry. That was uncalled for."
"What is your part in all this, Jake?" Suddenly, Billy sounded decades older. I almost wanted to check to see if his hair had gone all the way grey while we were driving home.
"The Cullens aren't sticking around, and they don't want to hurt Bella by coming back into her life and then leaving again. So once they find her, I'll drive down and pick her up. Then the Cullens will go after the redhead and take her down so she can't cause any more issues." Billy nodded thoughtfully. I could tell that his desire to keep me safe was warring with his loyalty to Charlie and his love for his best friend's daughter. He opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by a tinny ringing in my pocket. I pulled out the phone and flipped it open.
"Hello?" I asked. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Billy hold out his hand for the phone. I shook my head and shifted away. He scowled at me.
"Jacob, it's Bella," Alice's frantic voice blasted through the speaker. "Her future disappeared. Meet us at the boundary line in twenty minutes. You're coming with us now." The line went dead and I dropped the phone in the cupholder. The beast of terror was clawing at my chest again. Obviously plans had changed for the worse if Bella couldn't wait for me to follow along behind the Cullens. My hands tightened around the steering wheel and I pushed the gas pedal closer to the floor.
"I guess you're going now, huh?" Billy said. I nodded. "Is there any way I can convince you to stay?"
"I'm sorry Dad, but I need to do this." He sighed heavily.
"Then make sure you bring both Bella and Leah as well as yourself home safely," he said, his voice thick with emotion. I couldn't help but give him an extra hug as I helped him out of the car. Once he was settled in his wheelchair, I shot off towards the house.
With one hand, I started shoving clothes into a grocery bag and with the other I dialed Embry's number.
"'Lo, 's Embry," he answered the phone around what sounded like a mouthful of food.
"It's time, Em. Change of plans. Bella needs me sooner so I'm riding with Alice and the doc. I'm gonna ditch my car at the border. Can you do me a huge favor and pick it up later? I'll leave the keys in there." The line was quiet for a moment.
"Yeah, I can do that but Sam was kind of right beside me when I answered the phone." Shit.
"How mad is he?"
"You'll find out soon enough. I think he's already on his way over." I swore again and hung up the phone. So much for being able to use a loophole. I had learned very quickly that finding ways to get around alpha orders only worked as long as Sam didn't know I knew how to get around them.
But Sam wasn't waiting for me outside as I threw my bag into the Rabbit and pulled out of the driveway faster than I ever had before. As I neared the border I began to hope that perhaps Sam wouldn't be coming after all. But my hopes were dashed as I rounded the corner to find Sam and the Cullens standing on opposite sides of the boundary line glaring at each other.
"Jacob, go home." The order was out of Sam's mouth before my feet even touched the ground. I gritted my teeth against the compulsion to obey.
"Sam-" I started before he cut me off.
"This has gone on far enough Jake. I want to find Charlie's girl too, but I refuse to compromise your safety or the safety of the tribe. Now go home. That's an order." I looked over his shoulder to meet Alice's horrified gaze.
You're a strong person, Jake. You'll make the right choice. Alice's words from earlier floated back into my brain and I tightened my jaw. Thank you Alice.
"No," I said, straightening up to meet Sam's eyes. They widened in surprise.
"I said, 'Go home Jake.'" The invisible force pushing me away from the boundary line doubled under Sam's fiery stare. I fought against it with every ounce of strength I had as I bit out my words.
"Ephraim Black's grandson was never meant to obey Levi Uley's." Suddenly the pressure pushing me back was gone and I stalked toward the Cullens' van. As I pushed past Sam he leaned over and whispered in my ear.
"If you choose them over your family, you will never be welcome back." I ignored him and threw my bag into the trunk. Embry arrived as I was settling into the backseat next to Alice. I mouthed 'I'm sorry' to him as Carlisle pulled away. Once he and Sam disappeared around the curve, I turned around and slumped forward in my seat, all the fight suddenly draining out of me.
"You okay, Jake?" Alice murmured, placing her tiny hand on my forearm.
"Sure, sure," I said bitterly. "I'm just great. I just ditched my family for a girl who may or may not love me back. No big deal."
"This isn't right," Carlisle sighed. "We can't ask you to sacrifice your whole life to help us with this." I chuckled darkly.
"It's a little late for that, Doc. Besides, I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for her." From the passenger seat, Jasper chuckled.
"You, my friend, have it bad."
As it turns out, the hardest part of a rescue mission is the travel time. I spent some of the trip napping but mostly I just stared anxiously out the window and watched a whole lot of nothing fly past.
I truly felt sorry for Jasper during this trip. After Jasper snapped at Carlisle over nothing four hours into the drive, Alice explained that part of Jasper's gift meant that he tended to absorb the emotions of those around him. All I knew was that my skin felt too tight, like a stretched rubber band ready to snap, and Alice wasn't exactly the picture of serenity either. I couldn't imagine how bad it must be for Jasper to carry all that.
The only person who seemed to be holding it together in the slightest was Carlisle. About six hours into the trip, I asked him about it.
"I'm over three hundred years old," he said after thinking about it for a moment. "After living that long, driving for a day feels like a five minute stroll down the street. Now don't get me wrong," he added, meeting my skeptical gaze in the rearview mirror. "I am anxious to find Bella and see her safely home. But I have learned over the years to keep my emotions in check."
Ten hours in, we finally stopped for more than a bathroom break. Carlisle filled the car with gas, Alice headed into the rest stop to buy me food, and I was jogging restless laps around the parking lot. I couldn't handle being trapped sitting in that car for another minute. But then again, every moment we were stopped pushed a fresh new worry into my brain. It was shocking how quickly I had come to rely on Alice's frequent reassurance that Bella was alright. Now that I no longer had those, I was slowly going mad.
"So when did you and Bella meet?" Fifteen hours in and Alice had apparently had enough of the anxious quiet that filled the car.
"She was about two and a half, I guess." I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to remember exactly when her birthday was.
"Oh, did you two used to play together before she and Renee moved away from Forks?" Alice asked.
"Kind of. I'm younger than she is though. She met me the day I was born. Actually I'm pretty sure she and Charlie were the first people after my parents to hold me." It was one of several pictures of the Swans that graced the photo albums my mom had put together before she died. Charlie was sitting in the uncomfortable hospital chair with Bella on one knee, holding me in the other arm. Bella had her tiny arms wrapped around my legs and her smile lit up the room. "Neither of us remember, of course, but we have a picture of it."
"Oh that's so sweet," Alice cooed. "I bet Bella was really cute as a little kid."
"When we get through all this, I'll show you the picture." I don't know what possessed me to make that promise, but when I did Alice's eyes lit up.
"Thank you. I'd love that. So you and Bella really did grow up together."
"Pretty much. When she used to come back for the summers, obviously Charlie couldn't exactly take all that time off so my mom used to take care of her while Charlie had to work. That's part of why Billy meddled so much when Edward and Bella got together," I added, feeling the sudden need to explain his actions. "I mean, obviously a human-vampire relationship was deeply concerning, but the fact that it was the little girl he watched grow up and the daughter of the man who was closer to him than a brother made it as personal as if Edward had been going after a member of the tribe."
"I can understand that," Carlisle said, joining the conversation. "Even if Edward had been human, there would have been some element of 'no one is good enough for her', correct?"
"That's exactly it, yeah. Did you have kids when you were a human, Doc?"
"I'm afraid I never had the pleasure, no."
"That's too bad. I bet you would have been a great dad."
"I tell him that all the time!" Alice said excitedly. "Seriously, one of the best parts about being immortal is that I get him and Esme as foster parents for all eternity."
I glanced at Carlisle through the rearview mirror and his face glowed with the pride and joy that I often saw on Billy's face when he bragged about Rachel, Rebecca, and me to Harry or Charlie. The kind of pride that used to make me want to sink into the floor and disappear.
"You guys really are a family, aren't you," I blurted out without thinking. "I mean, I saw all the pictures on your wall earlier, but I've never thought of your kind as having anything stronger than a coven."
"That's understandable," Carlisle said. "I've met many other covens and I've only ever seen something I could classify as a 'family' once. Another coven with a diet like ours living in Alaska. I have a theory that the diet we keep allows us to not only live more like humans but retain more of our humanity than those who do not restrain themselves."
"And the love we feel for each other is just as equal or stronger than the love human families share," Jasper added. "I was curious about it a few decades ago so I made a study of human families and compared them to the feelings we felt for each other. I can confidently say that Carlisle and Esme love us just as completely as if they had raised us from infancy." I nodded. I had no idea how to ask the next question. Part of me didn't even want to know. I let the silence fill the car again until Jasper finally spoke up.
"You'd better ask what you want to ask before you burst." I glanced at him, surprised. "I can feel your curiosity and apprehension, remember?" My face flushed. How on earth had Bella gotten used to this?
"I wanted to ask how Bella fit into all this," I mumbled. The vampires shared a long glance. Don't answer this, I begged silently, deciding that I really didn't want to know after all. Finally, a decision seemed to be reached and Carlisle caught my eye in the mirror.
"Bella is our family just as much as the others," he said firmly. "The mechanics of her place with us are a bit unusual because she is human, but we love her and she is important to us."
"Family doesn't just abandon family," I argued. Almost immediately, I regretted saying anything. Convincing the Cullens to return to Forks permanently was the last thing I wanted to do.
"Yeah, that's what Esme and I have been saying since September," Alice said in a huff, casting a glare towards the front seat.
"So the decision to leave wasn't unanimous?' She shook her head.
"Not even close. Emmett didn't want to leave her either, although his reasoning was a little simpler. He thinks she's hilarious and one of Emmett's prime motivations is his own amusement." She rolled her eyes. "That and he was more convinced than anyone of our ability to keep her safe, so he thought Edward was just hugely overreacting."
"Overreacting to what?" Alice pursed her lips and shook her head. I glowered and straightened in my seat. Something didn't add up. They left to protect her, but from what? Obviously the threats they had exposed her to already wouldn't be helped by them leaving. Something else had happened, I was sure of it.
"We should tell him, Alice," Jasper said. I glanced at him in surprise. Previously it had been Alice campaigning to give me the details. Jasper seemed to be, in general, more reserved and cautious about sharing details of their life. When Alice didn't say anything, he sighed and turned around in his seat.
"This will be hard to hear, but please try to remember that you're in a car. It will take a lot longer to reach Bella if we have to stop and get a new one because you broke it while phasing." I nodded, preemptively clenching my hands. "Would you like me to use my gift to help you stay calm?"
"You mean you're giving me a choice?" I said incredulously.
"I try to give my friends the choice if no one's well-being is in danger," he said, shrugging. I thought about it for a minute. Did I really want the empath messing with my emotions?
"Only if you need to," I said finally. He nodded.
"On Bella's birthday, we threw her a party. It's been so long since we've had a birthday to celebrate that Alice truly went all out. Bella, for all that she didn't actually want a party, was a really good sport about it.
"I don't know what Alice has told you about my past, but I had a very different upbringing than my siblings. I've only been participating in the vegetarian lifestyle for about 50 years now, but I am nearly 150 years old. The first hundred years of my existence were spent hunting humans, with the attitude that I was worth the sacrifice of their blood because I was the apex predator. You have to understand, I didn't know any better. Most vampires are raised never knowing that animal blood is an option." He stopped and waited apprehensively. I took a deep breath through my nose, and let it out, letting my body relax. I didn't know exactly how to react to the information that this calm vampire who loved his family deeply and was doing his best to help rescue Bella was once a mass murderer. Finally, I looked back at him and nodded, inviting him to continue.
"Alice brought me out of that lifestyle and introduced me to the Cullens' way of life, but for a long time, my start meant that I struggled with controlling myself. It's mostly manageable, I just generally have to be more careful than my siblings with things like how often I go between hunting trips and how close to humans I allow myself to be.
"Leading up to Bella's birthday, I wasn't as careful as I should have been. It had been over a week since I had hunted and in the excitement of the gift opening I let myself get closer to her than I otherwise would have." Misery was rolling off him in waves. When I realized he wasn't going to continue, I let the words fall out of my mouth instead.
"You lost control and attacked her." He nodded, shame twisting his features.
"It was a papercut. Such a small thing that could have occurred at any time. But the fresh blood was too much. Emmett caught me and Edward pushed Bella out of the way to get between us, but she lost her balance and fell into a glass vase and was injured even more.
"Emmett and Rosalie got me out of the house and I was able to clear my head, but there was too much blood for anyone but Carlisle to stay with her. Bella obviously survived the attack, but it opened our eyes to the fact that she was in danger just by being around us. That night, we decided it would be best for her if we left her life.
"So there you have it," he said, finishing the story. "Edward had a very good reason for leaving her. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to be any better off for it."
I nodded. My hands were shaking, but I didn't feel nearly as out of control as I expected. I half-wondered if that was because of Jasper's influence, but he seemed barely able to control his own emotions, much less handle mine.
"My father knew this would happen," I said finally. He nodded.
"But what Jasper's not telling you," Alice interrupted. "Is that ever since that day, he's been working to improve his control so that it never happens again. One near miss is already too many."
"She's right," Jasper said, his voice almost pleading. "When I had to leave my human sister behind and watch my wife fall apart after losing her best friend, I swore it would never happen again."
My thoughts were coming too fast in my brain. On one hand, he had attacked my best friend. He was the one that caused months of heartbreak and left her defenseless against Victoria. But on the other hand, I knew firsthand what could happen if a member of the pack lost control, for even an instant. Emily's scars still caused both her and Sam pain every day. And Jasper was trying to make it right as much as he could.
And most importantly, I knew with all my heart that Bella had already forgiven him. The time she had fallen asleep on the couch while we were watching a movie floated into my mind. Not your fault, Jasper, she had whispered. At the time I hadn't known, but she must have been talking about this.
"She's not mad at you, you know." Jasper looked up quickly. "Bella," I clarified. "She would never blame you for that. I can't pretend to understand, but heaven knows you're not the only person who's lost control and hurt someone for it." Finally, Jasper met my eyes, and something passed between us. An understanding of sorts. With the pain shared, we were no longer strangers.
After that conversation, I could no longer pretend that the Cullens and I weren't friends. In a weird sort of way, having Alice around felt almost as natural as having Bella around. She and Bella were very different, but the conversation flowed easily and we soon found each other laughing as we shared stories of Bella and our early times in the supernatural world.
Finally, 26 hours into our journey, Carlisle interrupted our conversation. "We're here."
A/N - Sorry about last week! I forgot it would be Thanksgiving! As always, thanks to my beta, oihdsfx.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Just one more until the end of Part 1!
