Chapter 322 – Jack Tries to Talk to Dee

Jack looked out the front windows when he heard Frank leave on his horse. He saw Dee standing there against the corral. He wanted to go to the young man, but at the same time he wasn't sure that was what he wanted. Ironically it was Patty who had come in the back door that came and stood with Jack looking at Dee.

"He really needs a friend right now." Patty said, softly. "I don't know what is going on, but he has been battling something for the last couple of months. I tried asking and he said he couldn't talk about it. I tried asking his parents and they didn't say much, but did say that he wouldn't really talk to them."

Jack nodded.

"Thanks." Jack said. "I was debating going to him. I can see that he is struggling."

"Go." Patty said. "The worst that is going to happen is that he tells you to leave him alone."

"Okay." Jack said.

Patty patted Jack on the back and he walked away, grabbing his coat from the front entry and heading out to Dee. Patty stood there for a bit longer before turning back to the group sitting in the front room.

"Anything we can do?" Wynn asked.

"I don't think so." Patty said. "Both men need to deal with whatever is going between them or with someone not involved."

"You know what is bothering them?" Elizabeth asked.

"I have my ideas." Patty said. "I don't know anything for certain. What I do know is that us pressuring them is not going to do any good."

Wynn nodded. He didn't like it, but he knew that he had to accept it. He wanted to help his son and Jack, but he didn't know how. He knew that being their father/uncle as well as their commanding officer makes it hard for either of them to talk to him about things. He understood that they were both worried that they might say something that Wynn would think would make it difficult to do their jobs. He hated that, but he understood why they wanted/needed to talk to Frank because he was someone that was a neutral party. He wished it wasn't like that, but he knew it was what it was. Wynn was worried about his family and there was little that he could do to help them other than let them know that he was there if and when they wanted to talk.

Wynn looked around the room and wished he could better protect the people in it because he was worried about each of them for different reasons. He has done what he could to help and protect the people he loved, but there was little more that he could do other than pray and just be there.

"You can't fix Dee's problem." Elizabeth Rose said. "No matter how much you want to, you can't. He needs to work it out for himself."

"What is going on with Dee?" Elizabeth asked.

"He is struggling with some of the lasting effects from the attack in Cape Fullerton last year." Aunt Elizabeth said. "He has been cleared to work, but there are times I think he tries to go over what happened and try to figure out how he could have prevented it. He hasn't said exactly. But that is just my mother's intuition based on some of the things that I have heard him say."

"There is nothing that he could have done differently." Wynn said. "It is my fault that he got hurt and he will never be the same because of it. No wonder he doesn't want to talk to me."

"That is not true and you know that." Patty said. "He doesn't want to talk to you because he doesn't want you to think that he is weak or can't handle things."

"Why would he think that?" Wynn said.

"Because he sees how you have treated some of your men in the past when you felt that they should have been able to handle something." Elizabeth Rose said. "Right or wrong that is how he feels and nothing is going to change that in his head until he works through whatever he is going through."

Wynn just looked at his wife.

"I worry about him." Wynn said.

"And all he wants is to be treated like any other of your men." Elizabeth said. "If he wasn't your son, would he still be stuck at headquarters a year after his injury and months after the doctors have cleared him. He is struggling because you are demanding more of him than you would others. You want the best for him, but in wanting that you are actually holding him back."

"Elizabeth!" Wynn hissed.

"I am sorry." Elizabeth said. "I have seen the same thing with other parents. They don't want their child to get hurt and they end up holding them back. Just give him some space. I don't mean to be mean but think about it."

"She is right." Patty said. "Take this time to let Dee and Jack work things out between themselves or with Frank. Don't push them, but also don't treat them differently. You said it yourself that there is nothing pressing that you need to be working on. So use this time to enjoy your family and let those young men help each other. I have a feeling that they are exactly what the other needs. No pressure to solve a case. No pressure to get things done. Just time to heal and work out whatever is going on in their heads. Both have had massive life changing events in the past year and half. I doubt that either of them have really dealt with all the emotions that come with those types of events. They are men, they are supposed to be the strong ones and be there for everyone else. Please listen to us. We just want the best for everyone. Dee, Jack, Elizabeth, the children. Everyone."

"Fine." Wynn said, holding his hands up in surrender.

… … … …

Jack said a quick prayer as he walked out to Dee. He wasn't sure what he was going to say, but he was going to try and offer the man a chance, because from what Jack saw he really was needing something. Jack went and stood next to Dee.

"Want to talk or not?" Jack asked.

"I don't know." Dee said.

"Fair enough." Jack said.

Jack leaned on the top rail of the corral and watched two bunnies play on the far side. Dee just shook his head.

"Fine." Dee said. "I want your honest opinion of Carson Shepherd."

"Incredibly smart and an amazing doctor." Jack said.

"Like how smart?" Dee asked.

"Not photographic memory smart." Jack said. "But was accepted to medical school at eighteen. Has first hand knowledge that comes from going with his grandparents and parents on calls as a teen. He thinks outside of the box and truly wants to help people."

"Do you think he would talk to me about something?" Dee asked.

"Yes." Jack said. "This about what you and Doug spoke about? And no he didn't tell me. It wasn't that hard to figure out. You were embarrassed and there is nothing that I don't know about Doug and Joe."

"Yes." Dee said. "But I really don't want to talk about it."

"Fine by me." Jack said. "But I have a feeling that is only part of the problem."

Dee shrugged his shoulders.

"It is all tied together." Dee said. "Everything goes back to the attack in Cape Fullerton. My physical problems, my problems with Annie and the problems with my parents."

"Okay." Jack said. "I thought things were getting better."

"Dad is still being overprotective." Dee said. "He doesn't want to let me be a Mountie and now I am taking flack from some of the guys at headquarters in Hamilton about being tied to Daddy's bootlaces."

"I am sorry." Jack said. "I don't know how to help. It is not easy living the shadow of your father. It is not easy living in the shadow of my father and he is dead. Yet, everything I do, I feel it compared to him and there are times I don't feel like I measure up. I couldn't imagine having to go to work for my father every day, knowing that everyone is watching me because of him."

"It is not easy." Dee said. "I have tried talking to him, but he doesn't seem to hear me."

"I don't know how to help you there." Jack said. "So, why don't you tell me about your problems with Annie."

"I am afraid she said yes for the wrong reasons." Dee said. "I don't think she understands that I may never be normal again and I may never be able to give her kids. I know how much she wants to have a child, especially a blood related child, after everything that she went through with her family. I don't think she will ever really be happy with a child from adoption. I know that she would love them, but it would be different. I honestly think she said yes because she was afraid that she would lose me."

"So why did you ask if you feel this way?" Jack asked.

"I don't know." Dee said. "I had the ring. We were talking and it sort of just came out that we should get married. I gave her the ring, but I didn't actually ask her. We were talking about the future and she decided that we should get married. I had shown her the ring because I was going to give it to her regardless since I had it made for her."

"So, my advice to you." Jack said. "First, talk to Carson. Second, I would suggest that you write everything out. All your fears and doubts about Annie and then everything that you love about her. It was honestly what I had to do with Elizabeth. I was afraid she was going to regret going against her parents and I didn't want her to feel like she made a mistake. When I wrote out the lists, the reasons I loved her were so much longer than the fears, that it was clear that I was the one that was afraid of getting hurt."

"I will try that." Dee said.

"I would also suggest continuing talking to Frank." Jack said. "He helped me see things a lot clearer when I first came back from Hamilton back in October last year. There was so much going on, especially with the way that I had left things with Elizabeth and then breaking up the kidnapping on the train and catching the art thief when I got back here. When you add in my promotion and award, it was overwhelming and I really just wanted to push everyone away.

Frank saw that I was hurting and we had a number of long talks. He helped without it being preachy if you know what I mean. He would give a few verses and ask me to really reflect on them and what they were saying. Then he would ask me how they applied to what I was going through and what I thought God was saying to me, directly to me, in those verses. It really made me slow down and think about things in a much clearer way."

"Yeah." Dee said. "He gave me a few verses and asked me to read them and really think about them. He said we would talk about them at another time."

"Do it." Jack said. "It really helped me. I was so angry at God and I didn't even really realize it. I thought I had a good faith, but reading the verses and really thinking about them brought a lot to the surface that I had buried. Did I want to scream at God about how unfair things were? Yes, but I was able to work through that. I don't know if you are mad about what happened to you or if you even know what you are feeling. My point is, taking the time to sit, read and reflect on the different verses really made a difference for me."

"I was hoping that things would have gotten better." Dee said. "But it seems like the longer that I go on, the more that seems wrong."

"Other than the physical aspect that you don't want to talk about." Jack said. "What would you say is the hardest thing right now? When I was younger, Bill would have me break a problem down into smaller things when I was feeling overwhelmed. So start breaking it down. Once you start to break it down, you might find you have more control over things than you think."

Dee nodded and kicked at the dirt a bit.

"I haven't told Mom and Dad." Dee said. "But the last few months one of the biggest things that I have been dealing with is being overwhelmed by memories as they return. Not all of them have been good memories and there are times like I am reliving things. Be it the taunts from kids when I was growing up or insults that were hurled at me because I was a Mountie trying to do my job. These things come back to me and I start to feel overwhelmed. If I am not actively focusing on something else, the memories wash over me and can be overwhelming."

"I might never have lost my memory." Jack said. "But I do understand having memories wash over you and feeling overwhelmed. One thing that helps me when that happens is to ground myself. It happened this summer when we had to deal with Miles Montgomery's death. I was overwhelmed with the memories of my father's funeral and those of my cousins. I buried three family members in less than a year. I was starting to get overwhelmed when we were out at the cemetery. So, I took a deep breath and counted the headstones in front of me. I took a moment and closed my eyes and just listened to the sounds around me and tried to identify them. It helped my mind to focus on something else and while the memories were still there, they weren't as overwhelming."

"I might try that." Dee said. "I do try to actively think about something else, but sometimes I find it hard to focus."

"Hence the deep breath." Jack said. "Doug used to tap out a beat with his hand when the memories overwhelmed him. I never found that all that helpful. While I like to play guitar, I was never really into music like Doug was. But it might work for you. The point is, you need to find something that works for you and grounds you. Something that you can actively think about and not get overwhelmed by the memories. I am not going to tell you that the memories will stop, but you might be able to slow down enough that you can handle things."

"Thank you for coming and talking to me." Dee said. "I will take some of your suggestions and try them. But right now, I just need some time to have quiet and be responsible for anything."

"Do what you need." Jack said. "There is plenty of quiet around here if you want. Maybe try the porch on the cottage over there. Patty is in the house and Albert is working around here somewhere."

"Thank you." Dee said. "As long as you don't need help in the house."

"There are plenty of hands in there." Jack said. "But you might end up taking a shift tonight."

"Fine by me." Dee said.

"Then I will speak to you later." Jack said.

Jack patted Dee on the back and headed back to the house. Dee stood there for a bit longer before he went over and sat under one of the shade trees.

… … … …

The rest of Saturday was uneventful. Jack spent some time with Little Beth and Sarah. He also got some more unpacking done. Dee spent a few hours outside. He had come back in and grabbed a few things and then went out on the porch. Everyone gave him some space. While there was work that needed to get done, there were plenty of hands and as long as the children were being taken care of, there was nothing pressing that needed to be done that couldn't wait.

Despite four children in the house, including two newborns, it was a pretty quiet evening around the Thornton house. Most of the adults were in their own heads while still caring for the children. Jack and Dee were both thinking about the conversations that they had earlier. Wynn was thinking about what else he could do to help his family as well as the conversation with Patty, Beth and his wife. The women were worried about their men and trying to figure out what they could do to help them. Kate was busy with the children, but Patty took to checking on everyone because she was worried about the people that she had sworn to protect.

… … … …