Close enough. Welcome back, S1 Hikki crumbling Sagami into dust. I missed you.
Her first time going out with the girls of B-Komachi was followed by waking up and wishing her trusty doctor was there for her. Like when she was expecting. For, although Ai had gone through sickness, food poisoning, hunger, sleep deprivation, and pregnancy… Well, Ai felt really lucky that most of the people taking the trip with her were girls. There was no shortage of painkillers, and no need to go find a pharmacy when she already needed them. She might have gone through all those things before this night out; but not through all of them at once.
Even Ai's slender, cute, and petite body had its limits.
"Why do people like drinking? This isn't fun at all…"
"People don't like drinking, Ai. People like being drunk. Big difference."
Or so Miyako-san claimed. There was, indeed, some merit to her words. But Ai had worried that she'd say too much last night. Just like she would in any other situation. It was just that the "worry" felt different. Less… Heavy, so to speak. Which might be good, in theory. But now that she was dealing with a small headache, hissing at the sunlight that greeted her when she went out to the Saitou's room to steal Ichigo-san's sunglasses, it dawned on her that such a different feeling could've probably been disastrous if A-chan… If Komachi-chan hadn't been there for Ai.
And speaking of…
After secretly recharging her battery by smothering her still-sleeping kids in little kisses, and waking them up as result, Ai sneaked out of the room… Or, well, "sneaked" out while greeting some of the Strawberry Pro workers that took the trip as well, and tip-toed her way to the cafeteria. Where she suspected the rest of B-Komachi would be. As, if Ai was getting hungry, then it stood to reason that the girls would also be hungry.
How exciting! First a night out, now having breakfast with them? So many new things to experience in such a short amount of time! She already had some questions planned out, topics that they might find agreeable. Stuff she remembered being commented on, but could be elaborated on further. Like how Meimei clarified that she had been messing with Ai in French, but only knew a lick of it. Or about Takamine mentioning that part of their best-known idol dresses had been made when she suggested a bit more frills on them.
This was going to work─
"No 'buts'!" A woman's pissed off voice cut through Ai's thoughts as cleanly as knife would a banana, making her stand a little straighter in spite of her tired muscles. "You had one job, Fuyuko. One! What were you doing all night?! Throwing money away, I bet."
The corridors used to access the rooms had no windows or real openings to filter out noise. So, even though the voice sounded like the woman was trying to be quiet, it carried out enough volume for Ai to hear and understand.
The tone made her head hurt a little. But not in the "it physically hurts to hear" but, rather, in the way a mosquito buzzing close to her hear would hurt.
"─money away?! Me?!" A second voice replied, a girl that sounded almost hysterical. But that voice, Ai was able to recognize almost immediately. Which made her walk toward the arguing women while making her steps as quiet as possible. "Who took my savings to buy a stupidly expensive ticket to come here?! Who asked for a luxury room and meddled with the production because she didn't have anything better to do?! Are you seriously─?!"
"Oh, please! Like I could let you come alone and… Mess things up even more!" The older woman scoffed, sounding both offended and amused by Nino-chan's words. "Are you insane? Every time I let you do as you please, you either bring zero results or somehow trip over yourself! Look at what happened last night! I gave you a single goal: Just talk to Ai-chan. Just have her drink, talk to her one on one. And what happened? You didn't! You couldn't even start a simple conversation with a girl you've known for years! And you want me to release your leash? Are you stupid?"
"She… She was busy with her friends…"
"You told me she has no friends! So what? Did some random meddlesome cats crash at Strawberry Pro and did in an hour what you couldn't in years? Is that what you're saying?!"
"N-No! But it's different! We have history together! I─"
"That's exactly what I'm saying! And look at you, just letting this… Random street rat push you around, take everything you dreamed of! I'm trying to help you fulfill your dreams here! Why can't you understand that?!"
"All you've been doing is yelling at me. If you let me handle things, I─"
"You can't even handle your own job alone! That's why Ai-chan's held the center spot for years! Do you think any of the other second-grade girls could take it away? No! And you know why? Because I've made damn sure that you're ready and on top of your game all the time!"
"You…! You just push me around! I didn't even ask to join Strawberry Productions!"
"You were too young to tell, but this is what you wanted." The woman's voice made Ai blink, realizing that she had stopped in her tracks; made herself smaller, hugging the wall while listening.
She straightened her back, furrowing her brows at the strange mannerism she had adopted.
Her feet refused to move, making her look at them like they were an alien part that did not belong in her body.
Her hangover was mostly forgotten at this point.
"Singing classes, dancing lessons, clothes, dentists, yoga, swimming…! Do you think all those schools and teachers were free? Do you have even a single idea of all the time I had to take from work just to get you on time to everything? Or would you have been happy to rot away on the couch, like your dad?"
"I… Why does it have to be one or the other? What does dad have to do with anything?"
"I've been trying to keep you away from his worst traits, Fuyuko. Don't forget that we're separated for a reason."
"That's not the point! That's not the point! That's not the point! I don't even know him! For all I know, you could be lying! Every time you scold me you bring him up! Are you sure you know who my dad i─?"
SNAP!
The sound of flesh hitting flesh cut Ai's breathing like she had been stabbed, had her heart pounding so fast that she felt as nauseous as when she woke up.
"The fuck did you say to me, you ungrateful little shit?!"
"S-Sorry… I…!"
Another hit, followed by the rustling of clothes being pulled. A body hitting a heavy object. And a lower voice that bordered on murderous.
"Everything you are, everything you own, it's because of me. Got it? You're nothing without me. All I've done is to push you to follow our dream, okay? And this is how you pay me? Where's my gratitude for trying to raise you right?"
Ai stared at her hands, trembling as they were, and the floor felt like it was shifting beneath her. Closer to her own house's, trembling. The face of her children stunned, scared, holding their cheeks.
Blood. Not theirs, they were gone. A body losing heath, breathing less and less. A hooded figure freaking out, running away. The twins, scared. The twins, holding their cheeks. No blood. Blood.
A huge house, small in reality but big because her perception had shifted. She was the small one.
An adult woman, anger. A cold house, broken dishes. A hungry stomach.
Loveless, painful, cold.
Scary. She might die here.
Ai's gaze changed. Her eyes stung too much to shed tears.
"Nino-chan." Ai's voice wavered while she almost tripped over herself to get to the girl on the other end of the corner of the corridor. Tinged with something ugly, one of the first things that Ai had buried deep beneath when she learned to hide away all the ugliness in her heart. It weakened, sapped the bravado that she would otherwise display in any other situation. Made her raise her hand weakly, almost without intent.
"Ai-cha…!"
Last night, the blonde girl had mentioned that she had a mean swing. Coming from rigorous training and exercising. Even getting her some visible muscles, because her sport was meant to make her body better fit for enduring whatever it was that she played. Ai had no such strength, so a slap would not carry out the burning feeling in her chest.
Last night, A-chan had mentioned that she had learned how to throw punches and kicks effectively. That, even though she might not be as strong as her teacher or the blonde girl, she still could defend herself if the need arose. Even jokingly apologizing to Nino-chan for being so rough on her. Ai didn't have the discipline or knowledge, so a punch would hurt her more than it would hurt the woman turning around in a small panic.
Neither the strength or the knowledge, so… What to do?
Simple, what she always did: Follow her instinct.
The woman looked like Nino-chan, but older. Her expression lines contorted into an ugly leer. That would not do.
Ai only had this thought for a split second, because she swung her arm at her. Feeling her wrist protest as the woman screeched when their bodies made contact. Fully aware of the satisfaction that the woman's sound of agony and the pain in Ai's own body brought her.
She couldn't punch, she couldn't swing. So she followed her instincts, Ai made hooks with her fingers. Clawing at the woman's face to get her to release Nino-chan in one fell swoop. Making her throw herself at the floor while Ai wheezed and greedily took a lungful of air, her mind rebooting and letting her start thinking again. Taking everything in.
She remembered the incident with her children again, and panic momentarily settled in her heart. But… Something made her avoid the worst of it. A dawning feeling that settled in the pit of her stomach as the woman howled and cradled one side of her face.
Ai didn't feel sorry, and the fear that had clutched her heart was all but gone. The ghastly whispers of a house long-forgotten shattering when she realized that she wasn't small, she wasn't (too) hungry, and she wasn't powerless anymore.
She loved her children; she had gathered that much from her biggest mistake yet. But… She didn't love this woman. So she didn't feel bad about her actions.
She remembered the night with Hikigaya, back at his teacher's home. She remembered the barely-contained fury that he had displayed toward Nino-chan, and Nino-chan only. How he had kept himself at bay, trying to avoid his emotions from tainting his interactions with Ai.
She remembered a couple of conversations with him. About what Ai thought was "good", alien to her, and what he thought "good" was. What Ai suspected would be second nature to him.
Being good, according to Hachiman-san, was always a conscious choice. One that had to be made every single time, one that didn't become easier because it would always be harder than to simply hate others. Because people never really understood these things.
Ai wanted to throw herself at the woman, silence her.
She didn't, for this was the perfect opportunity to learn and become better.
Ai managed to summon back her most natural smile to her face.
"A-Ai… Ai-chan…?"
"Hah…" Ai chuckled to herself.
She understood.
"Nino-chan…" Ai was still smiling when she turned to look at her fellow idol. "Don't worry. I'm here, she can't hurt you while I'm here."
Standing up for someone, wielding her feelings righteously even though her brain screamed that she shouldn't be getting involved. That she was threatening her own safety. That her mask, her strongest defense against the world, had grown brittle… That was fine.
In this way, she felt closer to him than ever before.
"A-Ai-cha…" Nino's voice was muffled when Ai reached out to hug her, cradling her head against Ai's own collarbone. Slowly patting her like she would her children.
"Sshh… It's okay."
More people were coming and the woman was getting to her feet. But Ai's head had cleared out completely. No bothersome human emotions restrained her, and she felt… Light. Unshackled.
She took quick notice of how there were no security cameras in this particular stretch of the corridor, and quickly stepped back when the woman's loud cursing started coming from a higher position than Ai's head. Bringing Nino with her to avoid handing the woman even the slightest opportunity of retaliation.
"Sorry, ma'am. I don't understand you with your hand on your mouth." Ai stated, still hugging her fellow idol, and grinning at the furious woman that was trying to cover the lines that Ai's nails had traced on her face. "You'll have to stop mumbling like a baby."
"Ai-chan, please…"
"I know what you're doing, and it's not going to work." The older Nino hissed, even though her face was so red that Ai started wondering what she would taste like. Though that thought evaporated when the woman revealed the small cuts made by Ai's nails and shoved a finger to point at them. "See what you did? So much for Saitou's golden goose! It's always the most curated stars the ones that turn out to be the most ravenous beasts!"
"You were literally holding Nino-chan by the neck."
"I was schooling my daughter, you uneducated skank. But I doubt you'd know what that looks like." The woman grinned to Ai, though the idol had no actual reaction toward the mockery. It just… Happened. Almost like it was coincidentally happening in Ai's general direction, instead of being aimed at her. In her mind, at least.
"Hmmm, probably." Ai agreed effortlessly enough, even nodding while the strange calmness lasted. She felt strong enough to admit this much.
"Your little brain doesn't seem to realize your position now. Do you think this won't get to the press? Do you think I won't tell Saitou Ichigo about this? Do you really…?"
"Eh…" Ai shrugged, releasing Nino-chan when the woman realized that Ai was actually having no reaction to her threats. "I mean, you can certainly try! But, ummm, sorry. I don't think anything's gonna happen to me."
Ai walked a couple of steps forward, keeping her left hand around the back of Nino-chan's neck. Holding the girl close, but behind herself. Creating a barrier made out of Ai until she almost felt the woman's breath on her own face.
If she was threatening to accuse Ai of being unreasonably violent… Then that meant that the woman would have to keep the appearance that Ai had just struck her out of the blue. Right? Therefore, no matter how close or annoying Ai became… The woman would not lay a single finger on Ai… Right?
"You know why? Because B-Komachi is mine. The group belongs to me. All six girls, also, belong to me. Strawberry Productions would be nothing without their unparalleled, perfect, and undefeatable Ai-chan. The whole business is mine to do whatever I well please." There was happiness in her voice now, exhilaration… Had she ever felt her emotions so clearly before? Did Hachiman-san feel this way when he stood up to someone? "You want to live vicariously through Nino-chan? Well, you can't do that! Because she's not your daughter, but my co-star. Do you get it?"
"What… What are you even saying, you little freak…"
"Gosh, you're so dense! But that's fine. I'll spell it out for you: You're worthless, replaceable. You don't belong here and never did. You wanted Nino-chan to have my spot? Well, the time for that was like 8 years ago! If you really, really couldn't stand me getting what's rightfully mine… You should've killed me before we debuted."
"Ai." A man's voice snapped the idol back to reality, back to the quick -almost painful- heartbeat pounding her chest. The breathlessness, the loneliness…
"Ichigo-san!" Ai released Nino-chan instantly, like a switch had been flipped. And the darkness shied away from her father's light. "Can you believe this? I was going to have breakfast but I found Nino-chan in trouble! And you always tell me the importance of keeping our talents happy and safe! So I had to intervene! You get it, right? You understand, yes? Y─"
"Ai." Ichigo-san repeated that name. Stoic, but fully in control in spite of the way he squinted over the lack of his sunglasses. Ai stopped talking. "You must still be hungover. Go with Nino to get something to eat. I'll be with you in a moment."
Ai turned to shoot the monstrous woman a smug close-lip smirk before turning back to Ichigo-san and doing an army salute.
"Yessir. Right away!" She turned around, taking Nino-chan's arm. But was stopped when an adult hand entered her field of vision, making her flinch.
Ichigo-san regained his sunglasses and put them on.
"Save me a cup of coffee."
Ai's smile became soft again.
"Sure."
Nino-chan offered next to no resistance when Ai pulled her away from that mess.
Holding hands with a girl felt strange. She had done it before, under work-related circumstances and often while being seen by a lot of people, but now that her memories of her most secret relationship and her goals about her current endeavors in one… It felt like she was doing something that she shouldn't.
Nowadays, these sorts of thoughts bothered her a lot more than usual. Maybe there was something wrong with her, maybe she shouldn't be reading too much into things. Shouldn't be remembering specific people when she did something like holding hands, or someone's taste and scent when she drank beer or smelled male deodorant. It was… Distracting. Even now, when Ai still rode the high of perceiving herself as closer to her own idol… It felt like she was meeting friction and losing her balance. About to drop off the wave.
"Ai-chan…"
"It's okay, Nino-chan." Ai assured the girl. Not bothering to turn around or slow down, but still holding her a little tighter. "Nothing some food in the stomach can't fix."
"But…"
"I told you before, didn't I? I'll help you no matter what. So juuuust relax." Ai turned around to smile at her, a little cold but still functional if she were to see herself in a mirror. "You don't have to do anything; you don't have to think. Just let it happen."
"Still…"
"Gosh, you're so dense!" Ai released her and turned around, placing her hands on her hips with a faux-scolding expression. "I said it's fine! Why are you so hung up over it?"
Nino-chan didn't immediately respond.
"Why?"
"Hmmm?"
"Why now? Did you… Are you looking down on me? Is that pity I see in your face? Do I look so small in your eyes that I…"
"'Pity'?" Ai blinked a couple of times.
"Yes, pity." Some of the pitifulness in Nino-chan's face became undone, and her features hardened. "You've always looked down on me. So it make sense that…"
"I've never looked down on you, though."
"Yes, you have! Every time I try to voice my concerns, my hangups, my feelings…! You just… You just stand there and smile! Like it doesn't matter! Like there's nothing to it beyond a stupid girl being hysterical in front of you!"
"You are getting a little hysterical right now." Ai pointed at her with a finger before raising her hands as a show of peace. "But that's not for me to judge. I just don't get it, and you'll probably get mad… Even more mad, that is, at me if I asked. So…"
Nino-chan grabbed Ai by the shoulders.
"Stop playing dumb! What the hell was that?! What you pulled back there?! And now you're saying you're too stupid to get it?! It has to be one or the other! I'm not an idiot; you can't expect me to believe that…!"
"I am. A bit of an idiot, I mean." Ai shrugged Nino-chan's hands off, as she hadn't felt any strength in the way the brunette's fingers clung to her shoulders. "I don't get what I don't get, and I've tried countless times to understand. To ask people to help me understand. It never works."
Ai gave Nino-chan the apologetic smile that she hated the most.
"What can I say? I'd like to tell you that you got me, that you figured me out and that things will change from now on but… I just don't know. I don't understand. I never have." Ai tilted her head, reveling in the way the words flowed so easily from her mouth. Unimpeded by any attempt to conceal the truth. "I'm just… A 'street rat' that Ichigo-san picked up one day and dressed in pretty colors, y'know. That's the truth."
Nino-chan's expression was unreadable to Ai, she couldn't understand the myriads of feelings that were wrestling for control over the girl's mind.
"That can't be…" The girl muttered.
"Why not?" Ai furrowed her brows. "I'm just a pretty girl that got a little lucky and made the best of it. What is so incredible about that?"
"You… You're not normal, not at all!" Nino-chan stated the obvious.
"And…?"
"That's why no one can compare to you! You're different, from the ground up! Like some… Like a force of nature…"
"Ummm, yeah." Ai intertwined her fingers in front of her lap before frowning as her brain finished processing Nino-chan's words. "Wait, what? No. I'm different, but that's what makes me weird. I'm not built better, I'm built wrong. What makes me better than you is that I filled myself with the industry in all the places I lacked, while you guys were complete people from the beginning."
"Complete people…"
Ai let out a smug sigh.
"I'm a good idol because I'm a good liar. Someone that can only lie, can only be a good idol. See? Simple. It's kind of funny that you'd say these things when I've always wanted to be more complete like you girls are." Ai shook her head. "And now, after all this time… When lies meet the unbreakable, unshakable truth that we will all eventually be reduced to a simple memory… I'm more aware than ever of how little I actually am."
For almost being reduced to a pretty lie.
For almost getting someone actually larger-than-life reduced to a simple memory.
Ai couldn't stand the feeling of wasting away, waiting for her quest to finish on its own.
"You are not 'little'. You're everything." Nino-chan whispered. "Larger-than-life, unfettered, unrivaled…"
Ai blinked and remained silent, unsure how else to get through Nino without having to repeat herself. Because, while the first time it felt good to express her thoughts like this, she didn't want to do it a second time.
"If you're not any of that, then what am I? So much smaller than you…?" Tears ran down Nino-chan's face. Triggering a chain reaction where all of her body just started spasming, then she fell to her knees. Sobbing against her hands, to finally throw herself at Ai's feet. Clinging to her ankles in such a way that Ai had to correct her balance because Nino-chan's head pushed her lower leg back a little.
Ummm… What is happening?
"You've been led to believe something that is simply not true." Ai tried to crouch and place her hand on Nino-chan's back, but quickly gave up when she couldn't figure out a way to get her ankles free from the brunette's grip. "I'm sorry. That's simply how it is with my life. That's all there is to it."
Nino's laments became louder, and Ai quickly backpedaled mentally. Putting up her defenses when she realized that she was just making things worse.
Damn it! What was she supposed to say?! Why did people validate her strategy of shutting up when she needed better alternatives?!
"Uumm… Nino-chan? Please stand up, you'll cause a scene." Ai spoke again, more unsure now. "Errr, you'll get us both in trouble, Nino-chan. Please…"
The cracking of a taser being turned on made both idols cry out when the sparks flew right beside them.
Ai actually jumped on the spot, having her momentum arrested by Nino's hands and falling face-first right beside the girl. Only cushioning the fall with her hands and the hardiness of having fallen countless times during practice.
"Sorry." Ari muttered without opening her mouth right. Looking as fresh as a cabbage that had spent more than 2 weeks in the refrigerator. "Heard a commotion, came outside."
"With a taser?!" Nino-chan was still on all fours, but more like she was mimicking an attack dog. Ready to pounce.
"You never know." Ari sighed slowly.
"We're fine! Nothing to worry about." Ai quickly got to her feet, dusting herself quickly in case someone came and saw them.
"I thought I heard a woman scream like she was getting gutted." Ari retorted with a meaner frown.
It took Ai a moment to notice that she was putting herself on the spot.
"Oh, that!"
"Yeah, that."
"Wasn't us!"
"So I see…" Ari frowned even more at Nino. "Get off the floor, it's dirty."
"R-Right…" Nino-chan wasn't as fluid in her movements as Ai was, but she still got to her feet without trouble. "Sorry…"
"Not gonna judge what you girls do in your spare time." Ari muttered, unable to hide the annoyance in her tone while scratching the side of her head with the taser. Thumb firmly placed on the switch. It was a little scary, to be honest. Ai's motherly instincts told her that Ari might hurt herself if she wasn't careful.
"So… How was the night after we left?" Ai tried to pick up any topics she had planned to talk about, before all of this… Nino situation.
Ari smirked in a way that looked like she was more amused by the question than recalling good memories.
"Let's just say that Yumi-chan needed to be dragged to her room by us three."
Ai frowned.
"Who is Yumi-chan?"
"You know, Yumi-chan. Yumiko-chan. The blonde girl?" Ari raised an eyebrow.
That just made Ai even more confused.
"Since when are you two so close that you give her a nickname?"
"Last night." Ari stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Oh…"
For a moment, nobody talked. At least until the older Nino's voice echoed through the corridor again, re-activating Ai's motherly instincts.
"So!" She clapped her hands together. "Breakfast?"
"Oh, yes. Please." Ari sounded glad about the change of topic.
"Let's see who else is awake." Ai turned to Nino-chan and winked, making the girl look both paler and redder at the same time for a moment.
"Better idea: Let's play a game." Ari pushed Ai's phone down when she got it out. "Let's guess who's already awake, then we check the cafeteria. How about it?"
"That's not fair. You were with the girls the whole night." Ai pointed out. "I'm gonna lose."
"Tsk…"
"You did it on purpose!"
"Fine, let's do one and one." Ari fixed her glasses in place. "Since Nino's here, let's have Takamine and Komachi-chan on your side. And on mine… Choose two."
Ai pondered about it for a moment.
"Takamine is probably already awake, and so is Komachi-chan." Ai scratched the side of her chin. "As for the rest… 'Yumi-chan' isn't awake, and neither is… Neither is Meimei."
There was something Ai had meant to ask her and Ari. But, given the circumstances, Ai would have to limit herself to fish for information.
For now.
"Ah, I didn't know Ai-chan liked to cheat." Ari teased her with a tired tone. "Okay. Mei: yeah, Taka: yes, Yumi-chan: no, Kome-chan… No."
Ai took note of how certain Ari had been about her choices.
"Nino-chan?"
The brunette stared at the two girls like a lost child looking for her parents.
"I… Pass…"
"You're no fun." Ari stated humorlessly.
"If… If Ai-chan loses, I'll take the penalty."
"Oh? Sure." Ari yawned and tuned around. "Let's go."
"What do I gain if I win?" Ai asked before following the green-haired girl.
"That's not the fun part, Ai-chan. We can figure that out later. Something funny."
Ai thought about that answer for a moment too.
"I see… I think I get it."
Ai took Nino's hand again, leading her down the hotel. Trying to convey her support through the contact, in ways that she was too unprepared to say out loud. Hoping that the girl would let Ai inside her heart.
She was a selfish girl, after all. It didn't matter if Ai still had hangups about her fights with Nino, or if she still wanted to have her by her side. She, and Ari, and Meimei, and Watanabe, and Takamine, and Kyun… They were all Ai's. They'd love her no matter what or else.
