Filling In The Blanks
A/N: Okay!! Next chapter! I finally posted my prologue on June 15th. And only a couple reviews. I hope I have more by now... It'll kind of depressed me if I don't... But that's okay - I'll keep going just because I really like this story! I won't update for a bit though, I'm leaving for the weekend and won't actually be fully back to the computer until Wednesday night.
Disclaimer: I wish I owned Final Fantasy 9 - I love it very much.
Quick Random Thought: Review people! I'm doing this for you and you only... Well Kind of.
Chapter 12: Thoughts and Regrets
He watched the wooden chair scrape the stone floor as he leaned backwards, eyes close to shutting for the night. He was tired, but he could not sleep. There was a book in front of him, open only to the second page, each crinkly and hard giving the impression it was very old. The book cover itself was hidden in the grey dust that settled upon it and stuck, unable to be blown away, and the binding was beginning to fall apart, masking the navy blue and gold lettering even more.
"What are you doing awake?"
The voice was enough to jostle him, and make him fall backwards, hitting his head on the stone, allowing the book to sprawl through the air, pages flying in the wind created by the motion. It earned a low chuckle from the teenager who had just moseyed into the room.
"Don't do that, Blank! Holy shit!" The blonde sat up, rubbing his head and trying to get the dizziness of the action clear from his mind. Picking up the chair, he plopped back down, to exhausted to do anything else, "I can't sleep..."
The redhead strode across the room and gently picked up the book, letting it collapse softly onto the table, complete with a small thud, "That's interesting... How come?" He questioned, quirking an eyebrow.
"I don't know..." The taller one shrugged, his mind drawing a blank.
"Does it bother you?" The question captivated the blonde, as the other seventeen year old hastily sat in a chair, leaning forward with his gloved hands crossed together, "I mean... Not knowing..." He trailed, his voice getting quieter with every word said.
"I think that's maybe why I can't sleep..." Zidane sighed miserably, shaking his head and letting it thud onto the table on top of the book.
He could smell the dust that had been upset when the book went flying, and it settled into his nose. Pulling his head off the cover, his eyes bore a gaze into the redhead's shielded orbs, his expression reading terrorized.
"Those people..." He started, dropping his azure eyes to the dark oak table; it contrasted badly with the cedar wood of the chairs, "they have no clue... No clue that everything they've lived for is a lie. They don't understand, and they won't understand. They'll be fighting for a cause, when woken up of course, that they do not believe in at all... They can't fill in the blanks you know... Like you all helped Vivi and I do."
They sat for a long moment, staring at each other, allowing their thoughts to overtake them. Zidane still couldn't fathom that people with such strong personalities, like the ones he befriended and saw every day, could possibly be fake. Shaking his head, he opened the book again to a page in the middle.
"Ever has it been that love knows no depth, until the hour of separation..."
"What?" Blank took his eyes off the table, and stared at the blonde who seemingly just spoke nonsense. "That was from..." He stopped talking to allow his friend to speak.
"Lord Avon said this in his greatest book -"
"I Want To Be Your Canary, right? It sounds like something he'd say..."
"Marcus says this to his best friend... The traitor who thinks Cornelia marrying the Prince is a better idea later on in the play..." He nodded, and stood up, his chair making an awful screeching sound, "It's the same with the personalities of these people I met... I had no idea that they were fake. They seemed so real - as though their personalities had no depth... No possible way of ever being predictable... And now that I finally leave... I took a step back from the situation and saw that there was depth... There was... I don't know - but it's close to impossible to believe that these people are just some stupid fakes..."
"I didn't know you felt so strongly, Zidane..." Blank mumbled quietly, although still loud enough for the blonde to hear.
He braced his hands on the table and forced his chair back also, and got up, allowing his hand to brush over the cerulean book, leaving only a lightly cleaned trail behind it.
"Perhaps I'm over thinking things..." He chuckled, finding ironic humor in the situation, "Maybe it'll make me go insane."
"If you aren't already insane..." The redhead flashed a smile, and the other teenager appreciated the attempt to keep the conversation out of the depths of despair, but it didn't stop him from wondering...
They said their good-byes and Zidane walked to the end of the hall, pushing open his door to his room. He wondered slightly, allowing his mind to get distracted from the thoughts at hand, why everything was so creaky, and how people could sleep through the wallowing echoes in the halls, but shook his head. It must have been something they got used to.
??
"You're sure energetic this morning, aren't you?" Blank nudged Zidane in the arm, trying to joke with him the best he could; their conversation last night left him in a deep thought process that he could not be easily broken out of.
"I didn't sleep very well last night..." He shrugged, trying to roll it off his shoulders, acting nonchalant, but he could tell the redhead didn't buy it.
"Eat something. It make you feel better!" Quina called from behind them, a large grin on his face, his tongue ever hanging out.
The two thieves looked at each other and burst out laughing, earning a confused look from the Qu standing next to them. Walking into the kitchen, Zidane settled at the table, chin in his hands, falling into his mind once more.
Something bad was going to happen from this feeling - he was sure of it. He didn't understand why it would bother him so much... Then he knew - he knew that anyone else would get the insane feeling to figure it out. It would eat away at them, gnawing on them so that they must know before it's too late...
But he couldn't begin to imagine how he could tell. The signs were so similar... He knew between Vivi, who he had met that fateful night walking home, and him and Elouise walking to Libby's that very same morning, there weren't many differences. Of course, their personalities were different - but that was to be said about everyone...
The thoughts made his brain hurt...
Blank shifted his gaze to his friend sitting at the table. So far, he hadn't even tried to be friendly to Dagger, who had walked into the room somewhere around five minutes ago, and immediately knew, from the lack of comment, that there was simply something off about the blonde.
A comfortable conversation, minus Zidane, filled the room with chortles and sighs about what happened and what's to come, and what was going on with everyone. Almost everyone partook in the conversation, glancing every once and a while to the blonde who sat before them.
His facial expressions varied from time to time, a scrunched look of disgusted to a peaceful look of longing. He didn't figit or move, or even contribute to the conversation, as he would normally be in the middle of it, trying his hardest to get everyone to laugh.
"Zidane!" There had been a slight moment of silence, and her soprano voice penetrated the bubble around the Genome.
"Hm?" He lazily took his chin out of his hand and looked at the girl, eyes barely focusing in.
"What's wrong?" She walked over and sat at the table, cocking her head to the side, eyes etched with concern.
"Ah nothing!" He swiped at the air, as though to gesture he had been perfectly normal all morning; the black haired teenager could only raise an eyebrow, "What?" He questioned, standing and taking an apple, "There isn't!"
He walked out of the room after that, no more smart remarks made. Dagger immediately turned around and raised an eyebrow, "What's wrong with him, Blank?"
It was just as Zidane began to walk out that everyone else did too, figuring there were more important things to be done than simply wandering aimlessly into everyone's lives.
Her hands crossed behind her back, secretly wringing the other out as she interrogated the redhead. He swung his legs back and forth, sitting on the counter, a juicy red apple being toyed with in his hands, moving back and forth, taking occasional breaks for him to bite into it.
She rocked back and forth on her heels, appearing to request the answer to an uncomplicated subject, and all the while act innocent in doing so.
He glanced around the kitchen, trying to find the right words. He couldn't simply tell Dagger what was bugging the boy, even if it was nibbling away at her slowly. The deep wood he was sitting on provided somewhat of a mysterious answer, strangely showing him he shouldn't explain the whole story, but couldn't lie to her.
"He's upset... That you know, things were fake," shaking his head, he got down, shot her a sympathetic and apologetic look because he couldn't tell her more, and shuffled out of the room, biting loudly and slightly obnoxiously into the fruit.
She sighed and followed him daintily, and a lot quieter, thinking there was training to be done for everyone, considering her team had two new people to become synchronized with in battle.
??
The velvety blades of grass created a ripping sound, tearing from the dirt they were anchored into. The hands that pulled them belonged to a being unaware of his evil crimes to nature. The mind was airy, and unalert to the things circling around him, in every day life. It was one body husk, without a mind in the right place and time for it to be complete and have spirit.
Scratching his dirty blonde hair, sapphire eyes scanned the area again for some sort of a sign he was supposed to participate. He didn't entirely want to, as his moves were sluggish and already displayed as a bad first impression for his new team, and he really didn't have a very thorough excuse.
"You're up, Zidane!" Blank called from across the field, and from Zidane's position in the plants, the grass was tall enough to almost completely camouflage him, despite his stand-out color.
Slowly getting to his feet, he unsheathed his dagger, and jerked his head up, forcing himself to pay attention to the task at hand.
"I'm excited to see your skill, Zidane," Freya's voice was loud, but still mysterious and quiet - a nice quality in herself, although the blonde couldn't tell if it was her race, or her personality.
"As I am to you, Freya!" He called, a truthful smile breaking onto his face for the first time that day.
"Give it your all!" She taunted, getting into her signature battle stance, her long spear sticking out over the grass, matching her tall frame.
He simply smirked, confidence erupting from no where. But as soon as the quick Bermecian flung herself toward Zidane, his reaction commands from his brain to his body were slowed, blurry and not clear. He barely missed her ferocious attack, the spear clobbering the grass, as his eyes widened at the speed. The several next moves were all quick and slim dodges made by Zidane, and swift motions in an attempt to line her spear with flesh from Freya.
The sun beat down on the blonde, panting every time he got the chance to take a breather. Freya's breathing was also slightly labored, but not to the extent of the teenager, dodging and swaying to his own dance, to cause the Bermecian to stumble.
"Freya's getting better..." Steiner nodded in approval.
"No..." Dagger mumbled, eyes squinted at the blonde struggling to keep up, "Zidane is being a bit off."
"Perhaps Freya was too much of a challenge to start with?" Beatrix questioned, her eyes turning to Dagger and Blank, who stood quite curious to the skill of the Genome.
Blank shook his head this time, turning only slightly to fix his gaze on both his best friend and the brunette woman awaiting an answer, "No, no... I mean, don't get me wrong, Freya's good, but he's not normally like this - he normally beats me, and I know most of his moves..."
All four of them looked on, wondering what in the world was up with him today.
"Shouldn't he be given a break?" Vivi questioned, his voice small in the grass, hardly tall enough for people to see unless they were standing near him.
"What do you mean, Master Vivi?" Steiner inquired.
"I know I'm upset too... I mean... The past five years of my life haven't really been my life. They're wasted, and I don't remember my life before it either. I'm sure I would be more upset if I had close friends like Zidane."
"Vivi has a point..." Dagger nodded, a thoughtful look stumbling across her face in a slightly calming manner.
"Give him some time," Blank pleaded, "he really isn't this treacherous when it comes to fighting -"
"I believe you, Blank," Beatrix lightly placed her hand on his shoulder and turned just in time to see Zidane fall in the grass and roll so Freya was temporarily blinded from her opponent.
He bit his lip. It would start to bother him if his best friend was letting his guard down because of these thoughts. Sighing, he gripped the hilt of his dagger and rotated his hand around it out of sheer habit. It made a slight squeak, but didn't bother anyone. His emerald eyes scanned the scene that played out in front of him, as though it were a play, and he was determined to get the blonde's mind off of it.
??
After the long day of pointless training was over, and Zidane had somehow managed to bathe, he shook his head, now darker hair plastered to his face. He dried his head with his shirt that was slung over his arm, as he quietly walked towards his room.
Opening the rickety, wooden door, he dared make a sound as he moved about his room, trying to find a dry match for a candle, but a brightness that came from the hallway illuminated the room.
It wasn't a very large room, with a double bed and tapestries that hung over it, so he could pull it shut incase he wanted privacy, but even those weren't very delectable. The few belongings he had acquired over the past couple weeks were placed spaciously in the tiny room, in an attempt to make it seem more like home than having everything cluttered into one spot.
It wasn't much, but he had managed to salvage some of his things from the Tantalus crew, who still had their items aboard Prima Vista.
"Need a light?" Dagger asked, her voice light, and slightly cheerful.
He shook his head, trying to get the excess water out of his hair, and allowed his shirt to drop onto the chest at the foot of his bed, "Thanks... I was having trouble finding my matches."
"Not a problem," she smiled and placed the candle in it's metal holder down on his wooden table, and placed something else there too; of course it slipped past his eyes, but she thought he might appreciate it when he saw it as it would add to his room of zero clutter.
He smiled fondly at her, as she made her way out, watching as the light sunk away from her petite form, clad in only her pajamas. Her long locks of raven black hair cascaded down her back, the clip missing from the end. She still wore her white undershirt, but with pants instead of her yellow outfit. He assumed it was a lot comfier that way.
Dropping onto his bed and kicking off his shoes, he settled into the blankets of the mattress in such a perfect way. Or perhaps it wasn't precise, but it was just a high enough level of satisfaction because he was so exhausted from the day.
Crossing his arms behind his head, he stared upwards towards the cloth hanging over his bed, his legs limply at the mattress material. Closing his eyes, he thought of the slightly ironic situation.
Not even a month ago, he was lying in this same position, in the bed he thought he had come to know quite well, in a reality he had no idea wasn't real. Allowing his body to adjust to a different position, he knew now that it wasn't the same, and it wouldn't be the same, and it really bothered him.
It was such the same feeling - he had gone to bed in that position, and woken up somewhere completely different, which started an almost new beginning to his life.
But it left the old remains around to haunt him.
??
A/N: Ooo... So even though that chapter wasn't very interesting, I liked it a fair amount :D I hope you all did too, and I'm looking forward to what you think! Please review, I know for some of you it's hard to understand, but I write for your purposes of entertainment, as well as mine, and I want to know what you think!
-zesty-
