Filling In The Blanks

A/N: Well, I leave tomorrow... Yay :D I'll be back in a week lol. :D lol this was waaaaay back in June :D funny stuff!

Warning: This chapter has a very OOC Beatrix

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 9 or any of its characters.

Chapter 26: Where Are You When I Need You?

All of the resistance members had made it into the city safely. Of course with a little 'rally-ho' issue, but other than that - everyone was safe and sound. Even though it was a little crowded, everyone in the city was happy to have a visitor or two - or four - welcomed into their house for a while.

It had been three days since Beatrix had led her small group into the city seemingly on stilts. Everyone was trying to gather supplies and gain their rest, and try and see who else was missing - people who no one seemed to care about.

Unfortunately, Vivi had just been informed not too long ago, that his mentor - who had helped him master his still-shaky skills in black magic, Nadina was dead. It was an extremely saddening thing, considering she was the leader whenever Tantalus and the main group were away.

It seemed unfortunate also that one of the Nero brothers had been killed as well. His body was slaughtered to pieces, being known as one of the fake actors in the Tantalus crew that wreaked so much havoc. Zenero was sitting on the bridge in the middle of the town, staring into the sky, tears still falling out of his eyes, sparkling just before they set into the stone, hungrily soaking it up, hot with the constant heat.

Not a lot of people were sure just how they were figuring this out, but the moogles were still free to travel, though their letters were checked every time they met even the smallest of villages. People simply gave each other code names - Cid was a very common one... His was Regy. It sounded peculiar, but also just weird enough where the guards had never heard it before... And if they hadn't heard it - it wasn't anyone important. If someone wanted to write to a member of the resistance, they would write it to Regy, and put their real name on the inside of the letter, Cid having enough trusting courtesy of not reading them.

The letters of all of those who were killed were addressed to Cid, and he would have to take it upon himself to tell the people closest to them. He had just told Vivi, and tried to comfort him as much as he could, but there wasn't much he could do... There wasn't much he could do for anyone who had lost someone in that terrible masacre.

The only thing he could do, about the latest batch of letters he had found, was pray that not everyone in the resistance would be broken by the death of someone they loved.

?

Beatrix sat at a table, sipping whatever she was drinking quite slowly. She wasn't interested in knowing exactly what was leaking into her system, but it didn't matter to her. She was positively numb. Yes, she was still waiting for the letter to confirm it - but she realized that it wasn't out of the picture that Steiner could be dead.

She closed her eyes, wishing not to think about it. Not understanding why, and dwelling on it, would only make her distracted, and she couldn't continue to fufill her duty. She needed to keep Dagger safe - now more than ever. Glancing around at the others in what seemed to be a bar, she realized though that the young girl probably had enough people around her.

Freya slid into the seat next to her and ordered a drink. She knew more than the woman what she was drinking and hastily took a sip.

"Any idea what this is?" Beatrix questioned, sending her a sidways glance.

"I forget - so many drinks over the years... It causes you to get drunk quite quickly though..." After hearing these words the two of them took drinks.

"Drinking on the job... We are so professional."

"We've reasons..."

Beatrix glanced at the Bermecian who was gripping the edge of the counter top with quite a lot of tension. With chestnut hair falling in front of her shoulders, she leaned forward, suddenly concerned for her teammate.

The lighting, though dim, was enough to tell that Freya's expression was out of the ordinary. Sure, the silver haired woman always looked cold and guarded, but this was a little different than that. Beatrix noticed her eyes were tired and worried - as though something had been troubling her for a long while, and she was close to breaking about it, if it hadn't already happened...

Chatter filled the bar, but to them things were silent. They were both missing people they cared dearly about, even if either knew the same thing with the other. They were both suffering, and both wishing they things could go back to the way they were not too long ago. Both of them though, were level headed enough not to blame Zidane or Blank... It was unfortunate though that things had to happen like that.

Freya was hurting, and though the knight yearned to know why, she understood that the last thing she should do is push.

It turned out, she didn't have to, "Fratley is still back there... Dead or alive I do not know... And it bothers me... It more than bothers me - it breaks my heart that we left people behind, who did not even have knowledge of the siege on our headquarters."

The almond eyed woman was silent for a moment, before she glanced again at the Bermecian. A lot of anger and rage was mixed into the saddened, beaten up soldier that sat beside her.

The dusty city was not as satisfying to them as they thought it would be. The safety, Kuja not being there at all, and the fact that they didn't have to hide day and night, them being in a city with people who had no idea who the evil man was... It was a wondrous place that could mean a lot of potential for their team... It could mean happiness for the time being, and it could be a fresh start towards their quest. They had means of air travel, they could travel by foot - they could do anything they wanted! It was so simple, and yet they yearned for the struggle in a place so far away.

Freya closed her eyes as she felt the slight buzz set into her system. It didn't relax her at all. She quickly ordered two more drinks, and slid one over to Beatrix, "Drink up my friend, for I see a long night ahead of us..."

The knight didn't know if she meant simply the eight hours they should have been sleeping, or the very long time they were stranded in this sandy world of rally-ho's. What she did know though, is that she was going to drink the night away and have one hell of a sleep... Then she could wait it out at least for a little while.

She chuckled to herself, though the Bermecian did not turn to her, in their now well-developed silence, thinking of the ironic events that had pasted...

?

The twenty-five year old knight shook her head, her long locks of hair quavering slightly. "You are so idiotic."

"You've got to lighten up, Beatrix..."

"I'm not about to go off and do something rash and ridiculous like that!"

"Tell me, Beautiful, have you ever touched your tongue to perfection?" He licked his lips and tilted his head slightly, a sly smile creeping onto his lips.

Though her face began to burn red, her brow creased with a slight irritation that could quickly turn to anger. In his state, he couldn't tell to back off.

"You're drunk, Steiner... It's as simple as that. That's not our duty - we're supposed to be -"

"We've got others to do that for us for a while! We needed a break, Cid even said so! Therefore this is what I've chosen we should be doing! Having a good time! But you, being such a stick in the mud won't even try a sip. How have you lived twenty-five years without the touch of liquor to your tongue, Beatrix?"

"Me?" She almost shrieked, but then lowered her voice again, "A stick in the mud?" She scoffed, "I believe you are speaking of yourself... Besides... Not a drop of liquor is probably how I climbed the ranks faster than you did... To a higher position with the Queen than you ever did, and would ever do!" She hissed, hitting below the belt.

He stopped his grinning for a moment and sat up straight, looking at her with a very serious expression. "Is that why you think so? Maybe it's because I haven't wasted my life away -"

"Do not feed me lies!" She sneered, and turned away slightly, her toffee eyes glancing around the darkened room. "You wasted more of your years in a service that lead to failure than I certainly have... This is not ours to take..."

"It helps take the pressure off of everything..." He put a hand on her shoulder, and she glanced down, just about to ask what he was doing. But before she could open her mouth, he made a swift movement and pulled her close to him, his hot breath on her face, only inches away. "It helps let the emotions escape..."

She blinked, wondering exactly what he meant, but again before she could ask him, his lips were pressed to hers in just a quick second. The world began to melt beneath her feet, and Beatrix felt herself, though perplexed, enjoying the contact with the man only a few years older than she. But before she let herself go too far, the both of them pulled back.

Steiner quickly took another drink of the liquid in the mug, as though trying to mask what had just happened. Beatrix's eyes were wide, and she knew the red etched into Steiner's cheeks mirrored her own. Whipping around, she let her hair touch him briefly, allowing him her scent before she almost ran out of the room. After shutting the door she pressed against it, and began to breathe heavily.

What had that just meant? Surpressed feelings began to bubble towards the surface, and she almost wished she could open the door and do it all over again, but she shook her head.

"He's drunk..." She reminded herself in a mutter, and composing herself, walked away, telling herself to forget about the possibilities...

?

That was her first time ever tasting the bitterness of alcohol... Tasting it through Steiner though, she had fallen in love with it - she just couldn't do it very often... She couldn't remind the captain what had gone on between them - he would have had a fit. He didn't remember in the morning, puking his guts out by the pumpkin patch when she went out to get fresh water.

Now here she was, hoping she could drink away what she was feeling, hoping that he was not right when he said it would let emotions come out, in fear she would break down in front of everyone.

At the moment she ordered her fourth drink, the silence still continuing between the two as a variety of citizens entered and left the bar, Regent Cid burst through the doors, a look of pure sadness haunting his features...

Beatrix stood right away, Freya only glanced in that direction, too fearful to get up and hear the news. Beatrix waited anxiously for the inevitable, praying it was not her who's heart would be broken.

"Beatrix..." He murmured, "Perhaps we could go somewhere more private to talk?"

She nodded and followed him, staring hard at the swimming ground to make herself seem more sober than she actually was. When they were outside, the sandy air filled her lungs, though it felt good not having the heat shine down on her, as it did when she entered the bar earlier that day.

He closed his eyes, "I'm sorry, Beatrix."

"What's happened?" She asked, the tone in his voice making her mind a little sharper.

"Steiner..." He trailed. This was emotional for him also. Of course he loved and cherished every single being in the resistance, thankful for anyone who would fight for the cause so many people were too frightened to stand up for, but this was different... He had known this man for such a long time. "He's dead..."

Beatrix stood dumbfounded, her brain not quite taking in the information. "What do you mean...?" She questioned, tilting her head, eyes scanning the man's tired and wrinkled face. The moons illumination caused his skin to glow a little, as though when he walked, the very sadness of her world glowed around him, since he was the one who brought the news.

His eyes were set downcast, picking out the sand and dirt that serviced as the sidewalk through the narrow town. He twiddled his thumbs in front of him - a habit he had picked up a very long time ago. This was just as it was when Beatrix had told him that Hilda was no where to be found before they had to go into complete hiding, and could no longer search for her.

Except this time, it was Cid telling the still youthful knight that the man she was so obviously in love with would never know of her affection, as she would never know of his. It was painful, wrenching his heart as her eyes filled with tears he was certain she would refuse to let fall.

"I don't understand..." She repeated words one more, as though to force him to talk - to tell her something believable.

"Steiner is gone, he's dead... He was killed at the attack."

She shook her head, almost cutting him off, "That's impossible! Steiner was a wonderful knight... He had so much to live for, he couldn't have just let himself die!"

They both noticed she already used his name with past tense. She turned away, wishing that there was somewhere to go that she wouldn't run into anyone she knew so she could just be alone. That was the problem with this place - it was even more packed and crowded than was their pathetic hole they lived in for over five years.

She took in a breath as he gave her his signature look. He was sincerely sorry, but he did not want her to drag this out, and make it more miserable than it had to be. She closed her eyes, and forced her voice to stay strong. "Okay..." She nodded and stood straight, "Okay..."

He put his hands on her shoulders and closed his eyes for a moment before opening them, "Beatrix... if you must, you may go..." He motioned his head towards the bar again, "I am truly sorry though..." He swept her into a hug and held her there for a moment, before pulling back and moving on. She was certain he had other people who needed to be told about the death of Steiner and others.

?

She walked in a completely straight path. She was surprised in her ability to walk along the road when the rest of the world seemed to melt together, covered in fuzz, and on top of that swirl all over the place.

She didn't know why in the world she kept running into stuff if her path was completely straight, and it was starting to frustrate her. Again she ran into something, this time, lashing out and unsheathing her sword. She hit it against the object in front of her, only to hear a clink - but otherwise no damage done.

Staring at the large object in front of her, until it minimized its swimming, she realized it was the wall. Embarrassed, she put her sword away, and began walking along it, using her gloved hand to stabilize herself.

Blinking hard, she felt moisture on her face, and wiped her hand at it. She could smell the salt lingering from what seemed like water, in streaks on her pale cheeks.

To every normal person, she was a drunken knight, tears leaking down her cheeks, once like water falls, now like rivers. But to herself, she was lost in a world that didn't make sense at the time being, just trying to find her way to a bed.

Her hand hit an indent, and what she believed to be a door. When she felt around, it didn't seem like there was a handle, so she pushed it open, and climbed inside. Tumbling to the floor, she thought how odd it was that she would fall into a shelf - who would put a shelf in front of their front door!

"Beatix?" A light, beautiful voice rung in the air almost like magic it seemed. She smiled and looked up. "Beatrix, where did you come from?

The owner of the soprano voice walked over to the window and put her hand to it, shutting it firmly.

"Garnet til Alexandros 17th!" She clumsily stood, and dipped low into a bow, her hair brushing the floor.

"Beatrix, hush... What's gotten into you?" She questioned, helping the older woman up off the ground.

"I remember a time where that would be your name for life. Instead of the ridiculous alias we give you now..." She sighed, as a new set of tears began to form in her eyes. "Why does it have to be like this, Garnet?"

"What are you talking about?"

"This disgusting war. The death, the unwanted fear that develops after you've been hiding for so long! The sickness you feel when you find out your best friend and the man you're in love with is dead!"

Dagger gasped, her hands covering her face as her eyes blinked back already forming tears. She hadn't heard yet - Cid hadn't quite made his rounds to her - he was going to wait until morning rolled around. She took a step backwards, her knees suddenly shaky as she slammed a hand against the wall to hold herself up. Her eyes moved all over the form of the sobbing Beatrix on the ground, and her fingers curled along the rickety doorframe.

"Steiner... Is d-dead?" She gasped again, as though she were just as surprised when she said it herself.

"Dagger..." The voice was low, and quite calm for the time being. She whipped around to see the redhead leaning against the opposite wall of the door, arms and ankles crossed, head tilted down slightly, "She's drunk."

"She's drunk? But..."

"I'm sure Cid gave her the okay..." He suddenly pushed off the wall and pulled her into the wall, "He told her a few hours ago that Steiner was dead..."

Dagger shook her head, understanding that she was drunk, but not the way she was acting. People who had alcohol in their system didn't act quite this hysterical.

"She must have had a lot... mixed with her being so upset, I'd say that that's what's making her so dramatic here... I'll get her home -"

"Can she stay here?" Dagger glanced down the hall where the couple - the two who owned the home originally - looked worriedly down the hall, hoping everything was alright, "If I settle her down?"

"Sure..." He nodded. "I'll go grab her something to eat so she falls asleep easier... It'll soak up some of the liquor in her system - it had to be some pretty heavy stuff..."

"Okay..." She nodded.

As he turned to walk away, she reached out a hand, lurging forward with a sudden urge to ask him, "Hey, Blank!"

"Yeah?" He asked, completely nonchalant.

"So... If you guys just got back, does that mean Zidane is here too?"

The Tantalus crew decided to try and scope out what was going on in the area around the city. They easily made their way back down the giant roots, now familiar with how to move about. Running and joking and flipping and sliding all the way down - the only group brave enough... and also stupid enough... to attempt it.

They'd been gone basically ever since everyone ventured into the city... Dagger had had no further time to talk with Zidane, and that's what made her nervous. She wondered back to her previous conversation with him, and really was hoping to get an explanation about what he meant, though in the back of her mind she knew she wouldn't get one.

Blank simply chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest again and nodding slowly, "Yeah he's home now... About four houses down from here actually," he smirked, "he was hoping to talk to you actually sometime soon... but maybe it would be best if you waited until tomorrow morning."

She nodded, and turned back to Beatrix, who was simply staring at the wall from the floor, small sobs still escaping her throat, though with the lack of attention on her, she had suppressed her giant scene.

Dagger heard Blank's footsteps and muttered words to the couple down the hall, as she sat down by Beatrix and took her hands. The knight needed her more now than ever, though the raven haired girl was upset as well. The knight wrapped her up in a hug, sobbing now into her shoulder. Dagger stroked her hair, and tried to tell her everything would be better in the morning.

The knight agreed, and when Blank returned with food, she ate it quickly, and laid on the bed, falling asleep with no problem. The bandit gave up his bed for the night to give it to Dagger, offering to go down to the place where Zidane was staying, sneak in unnoticed, and stay there for the night. The girl worked at getting Beatrix's main armor off so she wasn't so uncomfortable, and after some advice from the redhead, readily tied back her beautiful chestnut hair.

After a long night, she was tired and decided she needed sleep too - all the drama going on keeping her from thinking about her knight's death.

Squeezing her eyes shut harder, she fell into a rather unrestful sleep, wondering if everything really would turn out okay.

?

A/N: So I know that chapter was pretty Beatrix centric, but I figured you guys wouldn't mind :) Finally got her to admit that she liked Steiner though? I know that that seemed very OOC, and I know that most people don't act like that when they're drunk... Lol it adds drama, and I think if you lost the man that you loved and you didn't even tell him, who was also conveniantly your best friend, you'd act a little not like yourself either.

Other than that, I really hope you enjoyed!

-zesty-