A/N: Thank you for all the reviews, follows and favorites. I know this update is a little confusing because there were 4 chapters initially, I decided to go in a slightly different direction with this story it just felt rushed to me so here we are. For the people who have read the chapters please read these ones as well I added and changed a lot, I am also going to try to get chapters 4-6 out in the next few hours if not, then tomorrow so please bear with me.

Disclaimer: Anything familiar to you belongs to Stephanie Meyer

Disclaimer: Punctation is my enemy, and I am working on it! Also, I won't be placing disclaimers at the start of when something might be triggering right before the text because I feel like it ruins it for the other readers and because I am revamping as I go consider this a disclaimer for almost everything. If you are not ok with POSSIBLE ABBORTION, MISSCARIAGE, TEEN PREGNANCY, VIOLENCE, MAIN CHARACTER DEATH, OR SEXUAL SITUATIONS please skip this story I have another on my page that will be more tamed and will also be adding another one later this week.

Bella POV

Time heals all wounds, at least that's what I've heard but this ache grew as time sped by. Every waking moment I tried to reach Jacob to no avail, I even resorted to writing letters but nothing. Two months had passed, and nothing made sense without him, me and Edward were supposed to get married a month ago but postponed it until I was in a better head space, but nothing seemed to help.

Today was the day, the day I was to be promised to be with someone else for the rest of eternity but instead of being excited I was sick to my stomach figuratively, and literally I spent the better part of the morning with my head in the toilet.

"Rise and shine sleeping beauty, I have come to prepare you for your special day" Alice squealed as she entered the restroom "are you ok?" she asked, taking in my appearance.

"I'm fine…just pre-wedding jitters" it was more than jitters, I felt like my entire body was screaming don't do this.

"Well hopefully after you see how everything has come together those jitters will subside…nails first, dress, then hair" she stated ushering me to the vanity.

As Alice did my nails, I just wanted everything to stop, this wedding, this pain everything.

"Earth to Bella, it is time to put on your dress" she said. After to attempting to put me in the dress she realized it wouldn't fit

"Interesting… I took your measurements, and this dress was specifically made for you, but humans change I guess…nothing a little tailoring can't fix" with that she quickly let the room.

After making the alterations to my dress it was finally time for the ceremony "ok Bella, are you ready?" Alice beamed as she was putting her finishing touches on me. I felt like a deer caught in headlights not able to move out of the way of this inevitable wreck that was my life, another wave of nausea hit me, this one stronger than the last. I rushed to the bathroom stumbling in my heels emptying the little contents I had left in my stomach into the sink.

"I'm sorry Alice" I huffed immediately running water into the sink trying to clear it the best I could "Bella, are you sure you're alright?" she said with a concerned tone "yes, I am fine Alice I swear… my nerves are just getting the best of me. Can you please go get Edward" I asked she simply nodded and left

I made my way to the room and sat in front of the vanity staring into the mirror not recognizing myself "Love are you alright?... I'm not supposed to see you before the ceremony" Edward said walking with his eyes covered "Edward I-I can't do this" I stammered he removed his hand from his eyes.

"Is it something I did?" he said softly.

"No… no its nothing you did I just think I need more time."

"More time?" he inquired.

"Yes, more time with Charlie… more time with Renee, more time with friends" I sighed.

"More time with Jacob" he added.

"More time to be me… to be human, I feel like I rushed into things" I needed more time to think about wanted, who I wanted because Jacob couldn't be my only thought for the rest if my marriage.

"You want to be with Jacob?" he asked.

"What is your obsession with Jake? I am trying to confide in you and you're not listening."

"You never answered my question" his expressions now masked by his calm demeanor.

"I haven't spoken to Jacob since you sent him the wedding invitation… I tried but he wasn't interested in my friendship any longer" I stated.

"Bella I- "

"Edward I'm in love with you" I said interrupting him.

"You also love him… Alice has said your future is beginning to bur" he huffed, I imagine he is starting to lose his patience with me trying to avoid his questions. Truth was I myself didn't have an answer.

"I am here with you on OUR wedding day" I stated.

"The wedding that you are calling off…you are here physically but your mind is somewhere else" he said.

I wanted to respond and tell him he was wrong, but I couldn't my mind was somewhere else "its ok I'm not mad… I just want you to be happy" he said.

"I am happy… with you, I just need to figure some things out."

Charlie was thrilled the wedding was off he was never fond of Edward; the rest of the Cullen family just used the ceremony as a party not to waste the evening. "Bella are you ok?" Charlie asked as we made our way the cruiser "why does everyone keep asking me that?" I muttered "I just want to make sure your alright" he said "I don't know…I guess I'm fine" I said truthfully besides this stomach bug and being slightly confused about my own feelings I felt fine "Ok well if you ever need to talk, I'm here" he said as we headed home.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A few days had passed, and I wanted to see Jacob, and tell him I'd be staying with Charlie for a while. I got out of bed early so I could make Charlie breakfast before I headed out.

I made my way to the kitchen pulling out eggs, bacon, and bread. Food was the last thing on my mind considering how horrible I have been feeling, however the bacon smelled divine as it hissed in the pan, which made me decide to make the whole pack, as I cracked the first egg in the pan the smell of it cooking made my stomach lurch.

I ran to the sink emptying the perfectly cooked bacon I just scarfed down "Are you ok Kiddo?" Charlie spoke startling me as he entered the kitchen "yes…just the stomach flu but ill be fine" I said trying to put a fake smile on my face "Ok" he said quirking an eyebrow at me as he took the frying pan off the hot eye. "I got to go I-I'm going to see Jacob" I said trying to hold down the vomit that was working its way up.

I hurriedly made my way to my car to escape the egg smell, on the way to Jacob's I started to replay a few events that happened prior to this one and I was almost convinced that this might be more than the stomach flu.

Pulling up to Billy's, a lot of emotions begin to run through me I loved La Push and all the people that lived here but if I moved away with Edward becoming one of them, I would never see it or them again "here we go Bella" I muttered to myself shutting off the engine and trudging to the door. After knocking for a little longer than expected I knocked louder a few more times until it opened and there in all his glory stood a scowling Jacob, he was looking at me as if I was the absolute worst thing he could have possibly seen at his door.

"Why are you here?" he snipped.

"I-I w-wanted to see you" I stammered.

"Well, I didn't want to see you" he said attempting to close the door, I put my foot in there to stop him "wait Jake! Please… I really want to talk to you I'm not becoming a vampire can you step outside and talk to me…I'm just asking for five minutes" I said there was a long pause then he stepped outside and closed the door behind him.

"Jake I'm sorry"

"Yeah… I know, it's becoming a theme to start our conversation with you giving me an empty apology" he said folding his arms.

"Jake I AM sorry for hurting you… I called off my wedding I was just confused" I said somberly.

"I wasn't" he stated.

"Jake, I know your upset with me, and I deserve that but… how can I make it up to you?"

"Upset? No, I'm not upset I'm pissed off, hurt… and kind of embarrassed. You tell me you love me and your sorry and I get roped in every time and fed bullshit and you know what's even more insulting I'm fed that plate with a half assed apology and a pat on the shoulder as if I'm a child and it'll fix everything" he fumed.

"I hate hurting you Jake please… please if there is a way how can I fix this."

"effort" he snipped.

"I know I am not perfect by any means, and you deserve to be treated better… I'm here asking you to please be my friend again…living without seeing you has been miserable, I will but all the effort towards that if you just let me know it's something you want."

"Why should I make anything easier for you…misery is what I have been feeling for about a year… seeing the woman I love willing to give up everything and everyone to be dead and live her life with my enemy" he sneered I never thought of the Cullens as dead.

"Well, I'm not so sure I want to be one of them anymore" I stated I wanted to experience life a little more and decide if it killed me, and it just might.

"That ped egg you call a ring you're still sporting on your finger I'd say you're pretty decided and if not, I don't give a damn" he said.

"Jake I- "I was cut off by a wave of nausea, I tried to will it away, but my will wasn't strong enough and I spewed onto the ground I should be empty by now. I was afraid to look up at Jacob, but when I did worry graced his face "are you ok?... do you need some water or something?" he asked?

"Yea uhm that's something else I wanted to talk to you about" nerves making me shake slightly, I figured it was time to be real with myself this definitely was more serious than a stomach bug but in a different way "are you sick? Like terminal?... I noticed you smelled a little different" he said his eyes sweeping over me frantically.

"No, I-I… Jake I think I-I pr- "before I could finish a women appeared in the Black's doorway her long wavy waist length hair, almond shaped eyes, and sun kissed skin were all a picture of beauty, besides her looks the thing that stuck out most was she was wearing one of Jake's T-shirts.

"hey babe sorry for interrupting I just wanted to let you know I was heading to work and would be back this evening I made you and Billy lunch put it in the fridge… Oh where are my manners I'm Ana… and you must be Bella, I've heard a lot about you" she said smiling at me, I feel like she was trying to make it less awkward "nice to meet you" I said Shakely "have a nice day at work" he replied as she made her way down the stares to where he stood planting a kiss on his lips " Ok I love you bye" she said quickly as she made her way to Jakes rabbit. Jealousy shot through me, but why? I'm still with Edward.

"Love you too" he yelled after her. He was supposed to love me, did he still love me? Probably not, he had finally found happiness, maybe even his imprint. As she pulled out the driveway his worried gaze made its way back to mine

"What were you saying?" he asked.

"That I probably should she a doctor" I said trying to keep my tears at bay, there was no reason to ruin this mans life more than I already had unless I knew for sure and even then, I don't know if I would tell him.

"Tell me when your appointment is ill go with you" he said.

"Uhm its fine Jake… I gotta go" I said turning around he said something else, but I couldn't focus on anything but the sound of my heart pounding in my ears, I would never have Jacob again and I don't know if I'm ok with that.

As I drove from La push I tried to reassure myself that everything was going to be ok, after I crossed the treaty line I drove to the nearest drug store hoping the whole way there that I wasn't pregnant that my I was dying that way my suffering would be over I entered the store immediately went to the cashier "do you guys carry pregnancy test" I said trying to make minimal eye contact "yes they are in aisle 3… good luck" she said smiling I made my way to them snatching two packs off the shelf and went directly to the bathroom. As soon as I closed the cap on one of them after peeing on it a very strong plus sign appeared on the small screen mocking me, I hurriedly took a few more all coming back positive I stood there releasing the sob I had been holding in what am I going to do? I couldn't tell Jacob he had moved on, but I am engaged to Edward would he accept the baby, I don't know what to do I wish I could turn back time.