Filling In The Blanks
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy IX or any of its characters.
Chapter 107: Touch and Go
When she got close, she knew it was going to be a catastrophe inside the cove.
Those who had been hard at work training under the heated sun were now bunched up against each other, trying to squeeze to the front of the crowd to get into the cave. The moogles hovered in a line before these people. They were holding up their mitts and insisting that now was not the time to have everyone huddled in to see the dreamer. Loud hypotheses rose up in the crowd as everyone theorized if he'd make it through the day, die, or give away their location.
Only when she got closer did she understand these obnoxious notations.
When she finally shoved through enough people to be in the front, the moogles let her pass immediately, and all was quiet behind her until she got further up the path. Then, clamorous whispers broke out, though she refused to listen to them at all.
Nerve-wracking groans and blood-curdling screams were erupting from the cave, and she hurriedly rushed the rest of the way in, stepping away from the light cast on the rough floor towards the orange glow of a lantern.
"Hold him down!" Beatrix barked, before her order was cut off with a grunt.
She could hear Steiner's voice, griping about the hassle of this kid, and how stupid he was to play hero all the time. Vivi's high voice meshed with Ruby's as their words of encouragement sliced desperately through the air.
Dagger first saw Quina, bouncing this way and that with the moogles between various containers of herbs and liquids and next spotted Amarant sitting cross-legged on the floor, a scowl carved into his features as his eyes concentrated on the body jerking below him.
That's when her eyes landed on Zidane. She saw his arms flail, and she winced whenever his feet kicked underneath the weight of Steiner's hold, because the brace was still on his shattered right leg. Chocolate eyes flickered up to his face – his head in Amarant's lap – to finally spot that gorgeous sapphire she'd yearned to see for weeks.
His eyes didn't look entirely aware of what was happening. They were still dim and strained, like he wasn't even fully conscious. She feared for a moment that he was having a seizure, but the noises she'd heard when she was still outside suddenly cut through her bogged down mind. Sound pierced through her ears clearly again – he was still screaming, still receptive to pain.
Zidane's voice – feeling foreign to everyone now – echoed off of the dark walls of the cove. He groaned as his body protested movement, before the moan turned into a full-on cry of pain as his limbs continued to flail.
As she lingered closer, hesitant to jump into the fray of people trying to help him, she heard rapid footsteps behind her. One quick glance over her shoulder told her that Eiko, Cinna and the rest of the moogles had arrived. Freya must have still been with her training group, because she arrived just seconds after them.
"Dagger!" Beatrix finally shouted at her, a large sigh of exhaustion leaving her. "Come here and help us!"
The woman's command snapped the raven haired girl from her thoughts and she moved the rest of the way to the boy. Steiner shimmied over, focusing on holding his legs down as she sat to the right of his abdomen.
"Zidane," she said quietly, grabbing his hand. "It's alright. You're safe." Her voice was calm but nearly masked out completely in all of his screeching. The feeling of white magic came to her fingertips as she cast her first cure on him of the day.
For a moment, the movement subsided, and he panted, his eyes fluttering shut.
"He's exhausted," Amarant said, "we should knock him out, give the poor guy a break."
"Not when he's just woken up!" Beatrix hissed in disagreement. "If he still suffers a concussion, we risk the chance of losing him again."
Dagger cast another cure on him.
A groan escaped his lips that fizzled out when he greedily took in another breath. A cough spawned a few minutes later, and everyone tried to ignore the blood he spat out on the rocky floor next to him.
For Zidane, it was the first real touch of reality since the last time he'd spoken with Avalanche in the dungeons of Alexandria. He didn't even remember (not that any coherent thoughts came to mind through all of the pain he was feeling at that moment anyways) his brief fight with consciousness in the forest when he'd seen Dagger's mysterious face.
A pain ripped through him like nothing he'd ever felt before. The blonde was coming back from leaning over the edge of death, though he didn't understand why the repercussion was this harsh. Hadn't anyone been trying to heal him? He grit his teeth as another wave of pain threatened to take hold. His fingers on the hand Dagger wasn't clasping clawed into the dirt.
"Zidane," Dagger tried again as long as he was trying his best to stay mute. "Are you with us?"
He turned his head to the side, though couldn't find it in himself to open his eyes. "Mmmph."
"Zidane you need to try and stop moving… I don't know what kind of pain you're in, but you're going to hurt yourself more if you don't calm down."
A heavy sigh left his lips but was sharply taken back in as his body shuttered. He was so tired.
After the fifth or sixth cure, Dagger's vision began to swim. The young man in front of her was darkened to the point that if she didn't know it was Zidane laying limp in front of her, she would have never been able to tell. The others bit their lip – wanting to tell her to rest but knowing they needed Zidane to stay awake.
As she forced another spell, a pair of tiny gloves set themselves in hers, easily dispelling the magic from her palms. She looked up quickly, though instantly regretted the spin it put on her world.
Eiko's eyes pierced through the vague glow from the lantern – a fiery green as she stared intently at the older girl. "Let me…" she whispered, taking over showering the genome with spells.
"Is he going to be able to take all of this magic?" Cinna asked, fretting.
Morisson stopped hustling about for herbs for a moment as he stared at the small group and their broken friend. "We don't know the nature of Kuja's dream world, kupo. But Doctor Tot's theory sparked something very interesting. We think that maybe because he was in a sort of comatose state, his body wouldn't accept a lot of outside help, kupo. Maybe a learned trait from the side effects of Kuja? Perhaps Kuja set it up, difficult to get to him if he was unconscious so that no one could try and wake him from his dreamer state, kupo. I bet, if it's that, it probably leaked over into this coma! But as long as he's awake, Miss Dagger and Eiko's magic will help, kupopo!"
"Then we need to make sure he doesn't fall back asleep," Steiner said with a stern nod.
"You might want to get on that then," Amarant commented, gesturing with a head tilt towards the genome, his eyes lulled shut and his body calm.
"Zidane!" Dagger chirped, leaning close to him. She hardly had any energy left herself, but if he could fight through this so could she. She ripped off her glove and placed her bare fingers on his cheek, feeling the heat of his skin. "He's burning up."
"What is wrong with his race and fevers whenever they are unconscious," Freya grumbled, having started helping Quina grind a bowl of violet herbs.
"You need to stay awake, Zidane."
He heard the words, and with every cure cast, his mind came a little more into focus. "So… t'red."
Everyone in the room nearly yelped as he spoke his first words, and she dipped down, leaning her forehead against his. Her eyes traced the features of his face, trying to remember him smiling and unscathed long before this ordeal started. "I know, Zidane. But you need to stay awake," tears pricked her vision. She couldn't believe he had actually fought through this. "You need to open your eyes. Stay with us. For me."
"God," Amarant blanched, having to look away. Those two were disgusting.
"We're all here for ya, darlin'," Ruby smiled, tears in her own eyes. She thought about all of the things they had to go through to this point and suddenly swooped up his other hand in hers, giving it a giant squeeze. "We've done all this fer you!"
He grit his teeth again as the two white mages rested for a moment. His hold on Ruby's hand was weak, but she could tell when he tightened it. Another scream, this one faltering and pitiful, fell from his mouth, smothering into a cry as he tried to tether it in. He didn't want to cause anyone anymore trouble.
"D… Da-gger…" he murmured as his eyelids finally cracked open again. Now that the cures had taken affect, his vision seemed to sharpen into existence. His head jerked in Amarant's lap, his eyes unaccustomed to any light. Even in the fading glow of the lanterns his eyes strained against the brightness.
His body quaked with pressure, half-numb to the pain it was experiencing. He wasn't sure how bad his injuries still were, or even how horrible they started out to be, but he was exhausted from fighting off death – nobody blamed him.
"I'm here," she told him, giving his hand a light squeeze.
His jaw clenched as his eyes finally settled on her face. Her brown eyes had a milky hue because of the lantern, and the caring, worried gleam his actions always seemed to make her possess was clear in her irises.
She hiccupped, the tears finally dropping lightly onto his skin. "Oh my gosh!" she suddenly laughed, head falling into the crook of his neck, cheek resting on Amarant's shin. He leaned away from the couple, his eyes looking towards the ceiling in horror. Eiko giggled at the scene. "I can't believe you're alive. Really actually alive!"
"Me… neither," he groaned, tilting his head back ever so slightly so his chin could rest lightly in her hair.
Steiner let out a chuckle and shook his head, truly relieved. Maybe Dagger would come back from her slump in time to help train the resistance after all. He pondered these things with Zidane's legs still tucked under his arms – he felt the weakened muscles tense and release like they wanted to continue jerking about.
There was an unnatural pause in conversation then, no one really sure if Zidane wanted to talk, or if the quiet would help him relax. What to do with him then? Keep him awake, or hope that the worst of his condition was behind them and let him rest?
"Where….Where's B-Blank?"
Ruby's hand withdrew almost immediately as emotion compacted on her face. She turned her head, swiping her hair in front of her features so she didn't give it away. Vivi crawled closer to her, staring at the genome in anticipation.
His head turned slowly towards Dagger. "Is he m-mad still?"
"Still?"
"About… our argue-…-ment."
"Zidane," Freya started softly. "Any argument that would have happened between you and Blank would have been three weeks ago. Perhaps maybe more."
"Huh…" he grumbled, his eyes sliding shut. There was another pregnant pause. When his eyes reopened, it was as though he'd forgotten that he asked about Blank altogether. Ruby's eyes still burned with tears.
Who was going to be the one to eventually tell him?
"I-is Vivi… okay?"
"I'm h-here," he stuttered, scooting closer to the blonde. He wiped his hands on his pants as he sat cross-legged. "I'm okay."
"M'glad… Kuja didn't…g-get you t-too."
"You probably saved all of us, Zidane," he said, thinking back to that ambush in Alexandria. They had all already been so tired from the relentless attack that he couldn't have imagined fighting a dreamer let alone an army of them. If they hadn't captured Zidane after he stood against his dreamer friend so courageously, they probably would have followed the resistance and picked them off one by one until the last few left could run no further.
"No," he grunted. "You g'ys do well… w'thout me."
Even Amarant clicked his mouth shut at that comment. No matter how much sass he wanted to splash into the cheesy conversation, now was not the time to try and toss sarcasm at Zidane. It was quiet again, all bodies hovering like his lifespan would suddenly collapse in front of them again.
Eiko cast a regen spell on him, crossing her fingers that it would work as it normally did. But the process would be slow going of course, and anyone holding down any bit of his body could tell that without the magic, he'd still be thrashing, just as Steiner suspected before.
"Wh-where's Dagger?"
"I'm still here," she whispered, though she'd hardly sat up from her position against him yet. The delirium was settling into his haze of a mind. Exhaustion rippled through him like the strokes of disturbance atop a pond.
"Good," he murmured, letting his head fall to the side again.
"Are you feeling a lot of pain?" she asked him tentatively, like he was fragile and might break if she uttered a word about their current situation.
Besides a vague nod, he gave no verbal details about his condition as he sucked in another shaky breath.
"Quina make good medicine," the qu startled everyone who sat frozen, staring wide-eyed at the genome. Quina seemed to be the only one still fully functioning after the genome began talking. He collapsed next to the blonde, squeezing in between Dagger and Amarant. Either he was oblivious to or entirely ignored the groans of whiny protest from the redhead complaining about drool and too many complex emotions. Though even Quina would snicker when Eiko tried to explain to him that there were more concepts of feeling past hate and rage.
Dagger shifted, scuttling back reluctantly to make room for her friend. She knew first hand that Quina's herb mixes did wonders, and if Freya had any sort of a say at what he'd put into it, that was all the more reassurance she needed.
As clearly delirious and impaired as Zidane was, he turned his head, eyes probing with airy wonder as to where the girl was going. When his unregistering, sapphire orbs finally fell onto Quina, a wide grin overtook his face. It looked more like a grimace than anything.
"Quina," was all he could say, but the qu was so proud that the boy even knew who he was that he excitedly thrust the bowl to the blonde's lips, who somehow managed to swallow most of the liquid.
"What did you give him?" Beatrix asked, still sitting on her knees, hands pressed lightly on Zidane's shoes.
"A paralyzer," Freya answered for the qu as he continued to tilt the liquid into Zidane's mouth. "It will keep him awake but slows the active muscles so he will not be able to move too much. I would not worry though," she held up a little bundle of yellow weeds just as Dagger opened her mouth to object to something that slowed his system, "the borgana flower keeps his organs functioning and heart beating regularly."
"So there's nothing we can do now but wait for him to come out of delirium?" Steiner asked, hoping to clarify the tough predicament they found themselves in.
"That is really all we can do," she said, her voice sounding far more solemn than she should have. Something told them that the hardest part of Zidane's revival was yet to come.
The stars finally broke out from a long, thick cloud and the moon suddenly splashed a shallow light over the canyon. Vivi took in a breath, staring at the view with a simplistic awe. It was quiet around him; something so contrasting to the full day they'd had.
He leaned back against the rock, feeling the light dirt under his gloves. The wind played with the worn edges of his hat while it blew through his jacket, cooling him from the earlier heat.
With aching limbs, he tilted his head back, staring up at the twinkling in the sky. He remembered the last time he'd seen a night so clear – it was when they were passing through the South Gate on their way to Treno. He had stared up, the looming danger ahead of them – a lifetime of journey still to go before they would go back to the Outer Continent. He had sucked in a big breath and held it, hoping – praying – that everything went well. Had it really been that long since Vivi had had a night to himself? To take in a breath that meant he was alive and watch the world above him?
The cry of the river was far below him; he was sitting against some rocks just before the bridge leading to the Summoner's Cove, where the moogles insisted more than once that he not go. With nightfall came the stunning silence of an entire resistance nestled in the walls of the abandoned city. Training fell to a minimum – Steiner and Beatrix had recruited Cinna to begin training rebels what to look for while fighting in the dark, just in case the need ever arose, but not nearly as many people could train at one time.
The young mage had abandoned the small bonfires between groups of friends – new and old alike – and even opted out from the warm hum of Eiko's kitchen as dinner was being cleaned up, almost like a normal home.
He had spent an abundance of his day with Dagger, sitting next to Zidane and struggling to find pleasant things to talk about. The only animated conversations they seemed to have were about the feeling of magic in the city, but Vivi swore he saw Zidane's eyes light up when he saw the two get so excited. But then the mage remembered how his friend hadn't any idea what had happened to him – or a few of his friends – and that sparkle was vanquished from Vivi's yellow orbs.
When Doctor Tot and the moogles confirmed that it would probably be okay to let the blonde sleep, Vivi had suddenly found the cave, full of hesitance and sorrow, far too stifling, and that was how he found himself sitting in the dirt – for once not feeling afraid of the vast loneliness that was lain out before him.
"You didn't want to join us?"
He turned, seeing Eiko standing a little ways away, hands clasped behind her back as she turned from side to side, hair swaying in front of her face.
He rubbed his cheek with his glove, taking in another deep breath of cool air. "It's been a really busy day. I just wanted some quiet. I hoped you guys wouldn't mind."
He couldn't see her clearly, but she smiled and padded closer to him. "No, I understand what you mean. I won't mind if you let me join you?"
While he nodded, he couldn't help but note that it would be less silent with another person sitting next to him, and that made his purposeful search for peaceful nighttime sort of moot. But then he realized that that didn't necessarily bother him.
There was quiet for a few moments before she spoke, her voice low. "I remember sitting out on this bridge with the moogles. I loved watching the sun reflect off the rocks and the water, but at night it was almost prettier."
He turned to her, wondering what she would say next.
"My grandpa used to tell me that the Eiodolons put the stars in the sky. That every good soul on Gaia would find their place in the sky to help guide the way of others." She lifted her hand, extending her arm to point at a cluster of stars just off of the horizon, where the far off gleam of the silver water kissed the midnight indigo in the sky. "He said that, like the splitting of the land at Madain Sari, the Eidolons made a special place right on that splice of sky for the summoners. He always said that's where my parents went, that's where he would go, and someday, that's where I would go too."
Vivi squinted his eyes for a moment, staring at the clutter of stars. They didn't look any different from the rest of the lanterns in the night sky – twinkling and dim in their distance, but maybe something about them was special that he couldn't see.
"The first time I dealt with death was with my goldfish, Loki," Vivi found himself blurting out, his hands tucked neatly in his lap as Eiko's head turned slowly, almost surprised, towards him. "I asked my own grandpa why Loki didn't wait to die until we were ready too, and he said Loki would be waiting in a different place…"
Eiko's eyes turned the sort of tender she held when gawking at Zidane with grandeur, but this time she stayed silent as she listened.
"He ushered me away from the bowl on the shelf, and we cooked dinner. After we ate, he brought me out on the balcony overlooking the grasslands that covered the Mist Continent. He told me that Loki was up in the stars, dipping low enough so I could see his sparkle, so I knew he was waiting for me."
Her smile shined then, realizing that both of their grandfathers had told them the same theory of the heavens above Gaia, and who was waiting there for them. "I hope my grandpa is waiting for me on the horizon," Eiko said quietly, slipping her hand into Vivi's and resting her head on his shoulder; she felt him rigid underneath her, but she didn't mind. "I don't want him to suffer anymore."
She never expected a reply from the eleven-year-old mage so when it came, she was almost sad. "Is it wrong of me to hope that my grandpa is still alive?"
Eiko shook her indigo hair without even looking up. "My grandfather was looking for revenge. Your grandpa is looking for someone good – he's looking for you. Who wouldn't want to be alive to find what they're looking for, when what they'll see is such a great black mage with the biggest heart I've ever seen?"
She lifted her head then, feeling giddy and silly and older than even Beatrix and Steiner together in that moment with Vivi as she stared at the shocked sheen in his eyes. With fleeting bravery, she pushed her lips against his cheek with her eyes squeezed shut, and landed a loud peck just under his eye. Her face was flushed red, and she imagined that if she could see it, Vivi's would be too.
"I'm glad you decided to keep me company," he said after a moment, and he meant it too.
"I'm glad you let me," she nearly whispered back, never taking her eyes off of the dim, far-away gathering of stars on the horizon because she swore for just a moment, one shined just a little brighter than the rest of the sky.
When she awoke, her hands still laced around his gloveless fingers, nothing in that moment could have made her happier.
The moogles had left her a substantial amount of woven blankets to make her comfortable if she was going to barricade herself in that cave, lingering close to Zidane's side. However, Dagger never thought that the grand gesture of giving her itchy blankets would relax her enough to welcome sleep.
Her chocolate orbs, still accustomed to the darkness from before she'd fallen asleep, fell on the blonde. His eyes were shut but his breathing was shallower, so she guessed that he was awake.
"How are you doing?" she croaked, her voice hardly above a whisper.
He turned his head ever so slightly towards her, unable to move any faster. "S'okay," he murmured, his lips barely moving.
"Let me get you some water," she insisted quietly, shifting. A weak squeeze on her hand stopped her instantly.
"Just lay for 'lil while…" he grunted as he willed his limbs to lean to the side; she hastily curled back into her lounging position, this time with her head resting on his bicep.
Dagger tried hard not to stare at the fresh scars on his face. He would heal, especially with the moogles and the two white mages in the resistance working hard to restore him every day, and no doubt was he getting stronger. But for now, they were a constant reminder of what he had been through – of what they had all been through, and while he was still mostly lost in his own subconscious, she felt like those scars dominated his usually light, handsome features.
"S'mthing wrong?"
She shook her head, eyes never leaving his face. Just listening to him breath steadily, no matter how bogged down he was from the strange herb concoction Freya and Quina had made for him, aroused an awareness in Dagger that had fallen away into a low hum around her.
By the look on his face, she knew he wanted to say more – argue with her, or maybe even crack a joke. But instead, he closed his eyes and let out a deep, refreshing breath. It was loud and pure and absolutely real. It was something Dagger was still trying to get used to after weeks of worry.
His eyes fluttered shut and they listened to the silence around them for a moment.
Dagger rolled carefully onto her back, conscious that his injuries were still entirely tender and that if she was going to move, she would have to do it nicely. Her eyes stared into the empty nothing that was around her, no lantern having been lit, and the darkness from the night still creeping in. Maybe she hadn't slept as long as she thought.
But pushing that thought aside, she pressed her lips together lightly and began humming. At first, it didn't sound quite so confident, but within moments she knew that Zidane recognized the tune. She felt his head shift to the side once more, and in the dark she could imagine his grinning eyes and sly smile, watching her with the affection and fascination of a child.
A hand clasped hers in the stillness, though it did nothing to stop her from singing. She tenderly flipped it over, interlocking her slender fingers with his weak ones, basically glowing when she felt that mild squeeze; she returned it with ten times the gusto.
All of Dagger's life had been about communication through words. Very thoroughly, the resistance had mapped out their problems, plans, and relationships verbally so that there was no miscommunications that would put people's lives on the line.
So maybe that's why she loved the way so much passed between the two of them, laying there hardly conscious of anything around them, Dagger humming and Zidane trying so hard to listen. They didn't need to speak to have a heartfelt conversation, and nor did she feel the need to pour every opinion of hers into the melting pot, and neither did he. They were content with their small acts of communication, and when she really put her mind to it, she realized it had always been that way between them. Words were never an indicator as long as she'd known the blonde.
A smile broke her octave for just a moment, but she ignored the eyes she felt land questioningly on her face. Maybe it was good that Zidane couldn't question her – just this once.
She went on humming until she heard his breathing deepen and balance out, and even then the faintest tune still drummed lightly in the back of her throat. Her thoughts fell into oblivion, leading her into her own mind that eventually led her back to sleep.
Beatrix found her nearly an hour later, still curled into the blonde's arm, and for a moment the ex-knight could pretend that the ambush in Alexandria had never happened. That's just how peaceful they looked. A soft sigh and the smallest of smiles had her turning around, the plate of food for Dagger (and Zidane to have a bite or two of) still gripped in her hands.
When she moved back to the kitchen, she was still thinking of the two. Zidane would make his recovery, and then the resistance wouldn't be so distracted. The entire day of training was like the tightness of having to spend time with someone after a bad argument – edgy and anxious. It had the brunette so frustrated by the end of the day, she'd collapsed into a strict four-hour sleep, which she had welcomed at the time. But now she was up, wandering around while her friends and allies slumbered.
However, there was one good reason for being awake so late into the night.
"She was still asleep?"
Beatrix nodded and set the plate back on the table. Steiner's eyes settled on her as she took a seat to his right. Almost absent-mindedly, he reached for the slice of melon on her plate; Beatrix hardly saw him do it.
"I'm rather glad the strange feeling in the air of Madain Sari has worn off," he commented, popping another slice in his mouth with an uncharacteristic relaxation.
She tilted her head at him, cheek leaning daintily on the backside of her hand. It was folded at the wrist so her fingers dangled along her jawline. "I think you're just used to it."
He puckered his lips, not liking that answer at all.
"Perhaps we're all just more exhausted."
"We have been busy," he reminded her with a small grin.
She rolled her eyes, pushing her long hair over her shoulder. "There is a strange optimism around you, Adelbert Steiner, that I have not seen ever in all my serviced years."
That grin twisted into a forced frown as he leaned towards the woman. "Why is it strange? Things are perhaps looking up and as I sit here eating a mildly dry melon –" the brunette laughed as he said this – "with the most fearful yet beautiful woman I've ever met."
She blinked a few times in shock, her posture shooting upward and her hand falling flat on the table. "What did you just call me?"
"Beautiful is still a compliment to you, isn't it?" he teased.
"I did not think I would see the day that Adelbert Steiner admitted he was frightened by his female commander," she snickered, instead of playing into his flattery.
His whole face puckered, and he dropped the slice of fruit that he had just picked up from the plate. "Come now, must we hold that title of so long ago over my head still?"
"You were quite the jealous one when I was picked as general."
"Can you blame me? The rank was nearly a family heirloom!" And then all laughter left their conversation when both recalled why the position of General of the Alexandrian Army was available in the first place. Images flashed through Steiner's mind; the death of the king, the death of the general, civilians and soldiers alike.
There was a long silence as Steiner stared down at his hands, a frustrated line wrinkling on his forehead.
Beatrix reached out for him, and tried not to be hurt when he didn't turn his hand over to clasp hers. "Alexander would be so proud of you, you know…"
"So proud of the cowardly life I have lived?"
"No cowardice would have you a right-hand in the resistance against Kuja. No one would dare utter the word in description of the Captain of the Pluto Knights while he puts his life on the line to protect not only the Princess, heir to the Alexandrian throne, but others – lesser of rank – that no knight has really ever had to blatantly protect before."
He gave a half smile, the motion never reaching his eyes. "It seems strange to use such words now, does it not?"
"Perhaps…" she muttered before squeezing the top of his hand; he finally rolled his wrist so he could capture her fingers between his, "but there will be use for them again one day, and I believe it part of my duty as former general to uphold these traditions when the time is fit once more."
"Your speech grows more formal when you talk of ranks and vocabulary of the past."
"As does yours," she shot back.
Another silence enveloped them, before eye contact – hazelnut to charcoal – finally had them laughing again.
"What I wouldn't give for a glass of brandy with such a bittersweet memory," Steiner commented, flicking the piece of food that he had just recently picked up to eat before dropping it again.
"Or a tall glass of Hippelda's tan-skinned wine."
A noise of reminiscing pleasure wafted from the back of Steiner's mouth. "We shall drink to this the first night back in our own city, grief-stricken or apart."
"Or together and hopeful of the future," the woman corrected, leaning closer to him.
Steiner gestured to the clay cup sitting behind the plate, "Let us drink to that right now."
Her eyes sparkled, never quite having held such love for another as he offered her the water, and she took it and let out a satisfied sigh and a smack of her tongue, pretending with all of the imagination and energy she had left that it was the fine wine they dreamt of too often while on the run.
With only a laugh as reply, he mimicked her motions, and they continued sipping the pretend wine until the glass was empty. At that moment, they sat back in their chairs, feeling content in the stillness of the night. The smell of bonfire no longer lingered above the outdoor dining room, which quite possibly could have meant they were the only two left awake.
"Beatrix," Steiner started, turning his head to stare at her; neither even noticed anymore that her hand was tucked protectively in his. When had they started holding hands like preteens to begin with?
"Hmm?" she hummed at him, her eyes closed and thumb tracing absent minded circles along his skin. He had abandoned his armored garb for the evening, as had she, besides the armored pants, boots, and of course, a dagger.
Though prairies full of grass seemed lifetimes away, along with the water trickling beneath them, almost like the river itself was sleeping and the current wasn't so boisterous, crickets chirped a simple tune out into the stillness. It was relaxing – always a sign that no disturbances were afoot.
He must not have answered her quick enough, before her eyes opened and she leaned forward, maneuvering her body to the side. "What is it, Steiner?"
"Beatrix," he started again, his gaze hard and his brow creased. She rose both eyes at him with surprise; the rude, slightly loud tone he was taking he had grown out of quite some years ago. "I know that we established this conversation would never come to pass…"
She pulled her hand away, tucking her hair behind her ears with a vague nervousness. Why was she nervous? What conversation was he speaking of?
He folded his hands together – almost too casually – at the table. She knew this game. He used to use these tricks on Dagger when she was young – acting like nothing was out of the norm to not scare the girl when she was four, six, eight, maybe even ten years old! It sent the brunette on a rigidness of unease.
"But I feel that it is very important that I state what it is I am about to…"
And then her mind seemed to kick start itself again and she stared at the man in horror. "Steiner," she hissed warningly. "No…"
He shook his head. "I cannot go on any longer lying to myself – lying to others, and to you – when you already know the truth; hell, when anybody knows the truth!"
"Do not," she warned, though her answer was meek.
"Beatrix, I love you," he blurted, and almost instantly it looked like he regretted it, but he continued on anyways. "I love you, and I probably always have, and I know I always will…"
"This conversation is taboo," she warned him, standing with goosebumps rising on her arms. "It is just as Lysandra and Nathaniel advised! Do not share your feelings with the ones you love during war, because it creates higher certifications!"
"They are a terrible example," Steiner commented with a wave of his hand, dismissing what she always thought was a good lead to follow. "But I do believe that I would go mad if I didn't tell you the exact words."
"Steiner…"
"Beatrix, I am utterly and deeply and truthfully in love with you."
If the situation was different, one might say that the following stare down between the two battle-worn knights was comical – an awkwardly still fight of dominance. But the lingering question of what curse Steiner had just bestowed on their relationship fell too heavy on their shoulders.
Any physical act of affection could have been written off as lust to the meager bystander. Under absolutely no circumstance did anyone – themselves included – assume a fourteen year sexual buildup was the reasoning behind their interactions, but if they tilted their heads and squinted their eyes they could write it off. They could make the excuse and lie to other people when saying they didn't love each other.
But now, Steiner was trying to place a physical title on the whole thing, and Beatrix didn't know if she was ready to say she lost a lover in the war if the circumstance ever came to pass.
However, the one thing the stubborn brunette would never admit to was the fact that, if that ever did happen, no matter the next words she uttered to Steiner, she would already say a love was lost.
Damn you, Steiner! She wanted to yell at him. Of course it was you who cracked under the pressure! Of course it was your big-headed, infuriating mouth that decided it wanted to cause trouble! She knew she would never break. She knew she couldn't do that to him – or worse – have him think these same thoughts about her. She didn't want to look weak.
But did he look weak for what he just said?
Or was he, in fact, incredibly, outstandingly, plausibly brave?
Tears began leaking down her cheeks before she even realized what was happening. They continued to stare at each other, Beatrix trembling just slightly under the weight of his ever-patient gaze. Maybe in another world – a normal world of knights and order and royals and nobles, he wouldn't have been a patient, understanding man. Hell, she saw that side of him most days! The side that screamed temperamental and goofy and someone you could have a hard time taking seriously… but there was this softer, delicate side Beatrix truly believed wouldn't exist without this war.
The thought of him being any different nearly broke her heart.
"You big, stupid, idiot," she cried, shaking her head slightly, her voice hardly above a whisper.
"Your vocabulary is diminished, Beatrix," he told her gently.
The briefest of laughs fell from her lips, nearly sounding more like a sob than a chuckle, before she hurled herself at him, grabbing his face and planting her lips on his.
She would have loved to say that the world melted away around her. That it suddenly became her and him and nothing else mattered while they were liplocked in the sweetest bliss. Beatrix yearned for days when something like this was that easy…
But she had already kissed Steiner before – in that sense, he was absolutely right: everyone, including the two of them, knew that they were in love with each other, stumbling blindly down that path without even realizing it. And if anything, those moments made her sharply aware of everything: the war, the battles still to come, the constant danger, and the fact that they had been knights before the war, and they would be knights for the rest of their lives… the danger never left.
She was acutely aware while finally allowing herself to admit that she was in love with this man that those precious moments might be the only ones she gets.
Zidane and Dagger flashed in her mind. They had been being just as fool hearted as Zidane the day he walked away from Dagger in the marsh.
When she was finally staring at Steiner again, all of these thoughts having gone through her mind before and during and even after that somehow-new kiss, she had to let on the smallest of smiles. A weight felt like it lifted off of her shoulders, like a shroud of frustrating iniquity that had built up like a sickness in the last few months was finally broken – shattered into a dust that was so fine it blew away on the wind.
"I love you too, Steiner. I really, really do," she breathed out, pulling him into a tight hug and forcing herself to be physically aware of his presence while simultaneously promising herself never to let him go.
A/N: I literally feel like I've been stuck on this chapter for the entire month of January and February! (It being 2/17, just to be clear for whenever I post this!) (It is now awkwardly January of 2016 and I'm just now proofreading lol) (Even more awkward now is my second proofread before the post on 2/2)
As filler-ish as that chapter really seemed to be, I'm really REALLY happy with the character-relationship combos I've done in this chapter. The scene with Vivi and Eiko went so much better than I originally planned, and even the banter with Steiner and Beatrix I was satisfied with. I, however, was entirely unsatisfied with Dagger and Zidane's sort-of reunion. I hope you guys enjoyed it anyways!
Thank you for listening to my rant! It's over now! I just wanted to say THANK YOU! Special shout out to my consistent Guest Reviewer(s?) for their phenomenal support! Whoever you are, you inspire me to keep going on a day to day basis.
I also want to give a holler to Atariel Tsukai for her dedication to the beast that is FitB for the last couple of months She is honestly wonderful, and has a great story going herself called You're Not Alone taking place five(ish?) years after the events of FFIX! I recommend the read
Now the rant is really done, I promise this time!
-zesty-
