Filling In The Blanks
Disclaimer: I don't own FFIX or any of its characters.
Chapter 113: Flowered Canal
The unanimous decision that called for sleep started with the appearance of the first cluster of stars.
They winked down at the sleepy resistance, the members' bellies full after what could be remembered as the most relaxed night, almost, in the rebellion's history. Even Steiner had left with a deliriously happy smile on his face.
Zidane was genuinely delighted Mikoto had suggested dinner to him. While he still felt the tingle of embarrassment each time he spoke, he was glad he had made an appearance. It had uplifted his spirits – so much had happened and so many had died, and here they were, still able to enjoy a meal with people familiar to them.
It reignited the need for such a resistance. He thought this as he shuffled down the stairs, half-sleeping peers lugging themselves barely faster than he to their sleeping mats. If Kuja won this war, there would be no more nights like this. There might not even be the brittle remains of Madain Sari – or anywhere else that had aided the resistance, for that matter. Which now included more than just the quaint village of Dali.
His mood had surprised him at first. The easy reflex of a smile startled him into silence for a few conversations – some that he now wished he could go back and take part in. There was so much tragedy he'd just learned about and he could still sport a smile? He realized with a stunning amount of speed that this was the true purpose of a team. While it was important for them to have your back physically, it was the reassurance and uplifting mentally that made friends and allies truly valuable.
Which is what had him stopping as soon as he saw Ruby and Cinna sitting next to the broken fountain in Madain Sari's main square.
It seemed that they had been there for a while. Ruby was lounging with her feet tucked into the fountain, boots tapping on the marble-like stone while her skirts hung in a ruffling cascade down the side. There was a long trail of deep red splashed down the emerald fabric – he was wondering if she had been sparring or actually been hurt. She didn't seem bothered though. Cinna was laying back across its wide ledge. His mace hung limply from his left hand, the steel top indenting the dirt. His other hand covered his eyes as his mouth moved, talking to the girl.
"Cinna, Ruby," Zidane called out quietly as he hobbled closer.
Ruby turned while Cinna sat up, and he took the pleasure of expelling any hostility by raising his hand in a lazy wave.
"Dinner was tiresome tonight," the thief said, his grin distorting his mustache.
Zidane nodded, "Finally for more than just me!"
Ruby forced out a giggle. It was a little awkward, but helpful – the boys appreciated her efforts.
Deciding that it was better to get things out of the way quickly, Zidane sighed and leaned heavily on his crutch. He noticed Ruby's walnut eyes follow the weight of his body from one angle to the next. "Look, guys… about what I said today – I'm really sorry."
"You don't need to be, Zidane," Cinna started, a soothing effect in his tone, but Zidane stiffened in determination.
"No, I really do. I said some pretty harsh things, and it took just a nugget of thinking on my part to realize that you guys were right. I wish you maybe would have come to see me more, despite keeping things from me," a cheeky look found its way to his face, "but I don't blame you for any of it. You guys are my family, no matter what's happened, and family doesn't get to take things out on each other like that."
Cinna snorted, "That's not entirely true, Zidane."
"What do you mean?" he scrunched his eyebrows together in a light confusion.
"That's what we're here for. Yeah, it hurts like hell to have that thrown in our face, but," he shrugged, almost nonchalant, "we know you don't mean it, buddy. And if there was no one to throw a tantrum every once in a while, we'd keep all that bottled up and be useless when it came to battle. We'd all be turning on each other!"
Ruby smiled and reached out a hand for the younger boy, "Ya don't gotta put all this on yerself, darlin'. Ya'll think yer so tough but ya don't need to be."
"I just…" he deflated, gratitude whisking his words away. "You have done so much for me – from the moment that creature took me seven years ago to now, and I don't appreciate it as much as I should."
"All part of the job," Ruby winked. "You would always do the same fer us too, don'cha forget it!"
Cinna shrugged, "You know something funny?" He slid over the rough stone of the ledge to make room for Zidane. The blonde sat thankfully and leaned so he could still see the two of them.
"What?"
Cinna's charcoal eyes got distance as he stared down into the dirt, darkened by the deep shades of navy overtaking the skies. "Blank was one in the same that first time you got abducted."
The thought both surprised Zidane and didn't at the same time. Temperamental, grumpy, short-fused Blank was easily offended by less worse things. However, taking it out on the rest of Tantalus was something he had not heard before. The blonde wondered for a moment if that was one of the reasons he distanced himself from the team – so as not to push them away completely.
"Really?" he asked anyways, hoping to spark the conversation.
Ruby nodded, "He was all hell and high water. Blank told us he ain't ever gon' fight with us again. But it didn't last long."
To not fight with the family you grew up with? The family you'd always fought with and protected and learned with? This took him aback.
"I knew he was a hormonal jerk but I didn't think someone could voice such sharp opinions," Cinna scratched his cheek, grinning at the thought. "Though I have to say, Marcus was not very nice back to him." He shrugged, "we all took it a variety of ways, but Blank needed to strike out on his own for a while. That worked for him though – made him stronger. I don't think it would work for you."
"Well," Zidane chuckled, glancing down at himself, "I think my body agrees with you."
Ruby smirked, still clutching his hand. "We gotta stick together. You boys are not gettin' into any trouble I can't get ya out of on account of I ain't losin' nobody else."
"We're always going to be right beside you, Rubes," Zidane promised, squeezing her hand.
"Blank will come back. So will Marcus and Baku. The others will remain in some ways too."
"That might just be the smartest thing ya ever said!" she cooed, causing Zidane to burst into a well-deserved laughter and Cinna to give a hmph and turn childishly away. But the grin never left his face.
The quiet of the night surrounded them, three veterans of war remembering a time when they were much younger – when war was still upon them, but death had hardly introduced himself.
He watched them come around the bend in the canal.
The wind tousled his hair and the midafternoon sun gazed overhead, still just as dominant and bright as any other day.
Children yelled behind them until the same black mage scouting the block would turn around the corner; then all of the kids would stop, frozen in place in ridiculous positions, before the oblivious creature turned again. After he disappeared the children would all collapse into a fit of giggles, though those mages were not anything to toy with.
A group of girls just a few years older than them snickered as they walked passed, chattering on about the opera they'd seen the night before, and the two handsome boys who had sat in front of them.
It did not seem like a grieving day.
But the city did seem a little quieter without Tantalus running amuck.
Zidane's eyes drooped as he caught sight of another Tantalus member – Linoln, a boy two years his senior who was trained by one of Baku's bar buddies – lean over the water a few paces ahead of them, just to the right of the crossing bridge.
He was sure the rest of the members from the multitude of teams in Lindblum were all gathered at the railing, peering into the splashing water of the canal. It was unusually blue today – clear down to the bottom of the water-smoothed granite of the waterway. Rain had been absent for nearly three weeks, so the water was low and astonishingly clear.
Shaking the distractions from his mind, he took a look again at what had been rolling around the bend in the granite waterway and had now made it under the bridge, continuing the quiet adventure down the current.
Flowers.
Not just any flowers, though.
Camellias.
Red, pink and white blossoms dabbled the water, floating along aimlessly. They bumped into each other and skimmed the sides of the stone, sending themselves off into a slow twirl. The sun made their color pop against the silvery blue of the water, and Zidane was able to imagine for a moment that it was the flowers pushing and pulling the water to splash up onto the sides of the waterway to create the rhythmic noise of small waves.
Zidane felt Blank shift next to him, sitting up on one of the columns supporting the rail. He twisted his petite body, smaller than the rest of his team, and his green eyes fell over the floating blossoms.
"Camellias," he said, as if Zidane didn't know.
The blonde turned to look at his best friend and saw a heavy crease of worry in his forehead. "What we heard was true then… Kra did die."
Blank's eyes didn't lift from the water, "I thought Baku would go before him."
Zidane didn't answer; he was too kind to say it, but he thought the same way. Kra was one of Tantalus' senior members, training his own team in the streets of Lindblum. His team was made up of six – four boys and two girls, all nearly twenty. They were a test team, hoping to see if one of Tantalus' theatre ships could cross continents and come back safely. Kra was hesitant, unsure if he wanted to endanger the lives of his whole team, but they were confident.
Young.
Cocky.
Though there would never be any evidence to prove it, Kuja shot down the ship just before it landed in Lindblum. Pieces of burning timber and metal showered the city in debris and sparks. Zidane and Blank had snuck into the senior meeting held with the team and one of the girls, Ferosa, said they saw the black mages teleport onto the ship and let off the combustion spells before teleporting away again as quick as they came.
Kra sprang into action. He tore into the front of the ship while the back end exploded, whipping bracelets at each of his team as the ship shook. The floor began falling out around them and in the last moments, he threw his piloting chair into the window, spider webbing the glass. But the combustion that was catching up to the hangar of the ship shattered the rest of the windshield and without even thinking, Kra threw his team out.
Ferosa said she watched the fire swallow Kra.
He was gone.
Zidane remembered the girl holding up her tanned skin then, and the bracelet that matched five others twinkled in the sunlight seeping between the moving gears in the walls.
The bracelets automatically gave the ability to float to the six of them, and as debris whizzed by them, they held each other's hands as they sank to the cobblestone in the Market Square of Lindblum, their eyes unable to fall away from the explosion still occurring in the sky – Kra having perished with the ship like a true Tantalus captain.
Blank and Zidane sunk back against the rafters they were leaning over in the tall ceilings of the building. Their jaws hung slack and they stared at each other with child-like eyes. The expression on Blank's face reminded the blonde of just how young they were – just how young the team was whose captain was murdered – how young they all were to be fighting this war.
They left the meeting then, just as quietly as they came – dragging themselves like snails across the splintered wood and out through the flap that covered a hole in the ceiling.
There would be no funeral.
Kuja wouldn't allow a peaceful gathering quite like that. It would have been an absolute slaughter.
So here they sat, partaking in one of the oldest Tantalus traditions in the books.
Kra's team was assigned camellias.
When one of that team's members passed away, no matter if it was natural causes, disease or in battle, camellia blossoms were sent out down the canal, cascading in all different colors, in a sign of mourning. Members would know what team had lost someone important, and if it was possible, would add their own purchased camellias out of respect.
Zidane glanced down the way and watched Linoln toss a long-stemmed flower, the pattern of leaves blooming all down the sides of the stem into the water. His face was unreadable and he stood alone over the canal.
"I never want to buy wood violets."
The statement startled Zidane; he turned to stare at his friend, surprised that Blank had said anything about the situation at all.
Without being prompted, the younger of the two continued, "I never want to sit here, pathetically on the side of the river waiting for our team's flowers to come around the canal."
Zidane thought about Kra's team, and how they all probably had the bracelet on their person somewhere still – the last connection to their captain. It was the first team in a while that had lost someone – Tantalus was renowned because they hardly ever got caught wreaking havoc. He thought about what they had to be feeling – what part of the city they were in, watching the flowers overwhelm the water.
"Death scares me, Zidane," Blank said after a long moment of thought. "All I can ever think about are my parents," his voice was hardly above a whisper.
No longer did the blonde stare down into the water, ridden by the blossoms. He stared up at his friend, nine years old and the most stubborn boy he'd ever met – admitting that he was frightened by death.
He wanted to say something optimistic. He wanted to remind the redhead that death didn't take everyone – that sometimes death could be beautiful – that they wouldn't have to deal with it for a long time, even though they already all had.
But the words he found tumbling out of his mouth were much different.
"I think about my parents too."
The image – fuzzy now, but somehow still standing substantial in his mind – flashed in his thoughts. His mother with her matching blonde hair and blue eyes staring at him with an abundance of love and protection – falling in front of him.
He remembered backing away from the metal armor where he saw his horrified expression; he remembered turning to the window, hoping to make good on his mother's last wishes to simply run.
Then he didn't remember anything after that.
Death lurked in the alleyways of every lighted street they tried to cross. Death peered at them through the curtainless windows that were their dangerous lives, waiting for the perfect moment to appear. Death would not be stopped, and he would not be smothered.
Blank's situation was almost worse. Being separated from your parents in the street – knowing that if you would have felt the security of staying by their side that horrible night, you would have been slaughtered with the rest of the escapees during the attack. But having to live on knowing that they were looking for you – that they probably died staying back for you while you were still living, still breathing was almost as unsettling of a thought. Zidane knew for sure – he knew his parents wanted him to live and to be good, and he watched them die. There was no grey area for him.
Blank had it different. Who really knew what happened to them.
And Zidane figured that's why he stared so hard at those camellias floating past in the water, bobbing like they hadn't any importance in the world.
"Maybe we shouldn't be afraid…"
The blonde's head whipped back, his thoughts snapping to the present. All ideas of their pasts and what may lie for them and their team in the future dissipated in his mind.
"What?" he was surprised Blank had even spoken at all.
"Maybe death isn't something we should be afraid of because we see our loved ones again."
For just a moment, Zidane could imagine Blank in the future – far into the future. Perhaps still young, but battered and matured by the war, far longer than any of them then expected it to be. He saw him bitter and angry, but somehow accepting. He suffered loss – even more than he had now – but there was the vaguest glint of optimism in his eyes, much like now.
Out of the two of them, both boys never thought it would be the redhead saying something like that.
"Wow," Zidane started, clamoring onto the railing next to his friend, "That might be the most optimistic thing you've ever said!
Blank's face closed off as Zidane had seen it do so many times before, before he huffed and crossed his arms. The blonde snickered, earning a grunt. Blank turned lightly to the side, extending a quick arm and knocking Zidane off of the rail.
He flailed, wheeling backward and toppling to the cobblestone, staring up dizzily at two giggling ladies pass them.
"Idiot," Blank ended with when the girls finally passed.
Zidane could only grin.
"You might even be ready to get back into the ring sometime soon, huh?!" Lysandra laughed and slapped Zidane on the shoulder, causing him to nearly choke on his slice of fish.
"We are not risking an accident, Lysandra," Beatrix said sternly from across the table, the sun illuminating behind her and making her hair glow.
It was almost dusk, and the entire resistance was having another feast. Quina and Quale worked diligently with the moogles to make dinner each night to keep morale up – and to let members have time to look at each other during the day, living, breathing, and talking. It would only help their bonds in battle.
"Aw, come on," Zidane chuckled, swinging his legs over the bench (and nearly hitting Cinna in the process) and flexing his right leg. "It's doing so much better."
"Just because you can walk doesn't mean you can fight," Dagger commented with the utmost authority upon sitting down at the table. Those listening in figured she must have been present for that conversation fairly often if she knew exactly what he was talking about without even being there.
It had been three weeks since he had marched out of the Healing Cove by himself, demanding he be allowed to leave Madain Sari in search of Marcus, Baku and ultimately, Blank. After he had apologized to Ruby and Cinna and they were able to sit down and smooth out the details that were missing from Zidane's month long coma, a certain weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.
He hadn't been back in that cave once.
Usually, if someone wished to find him while he slept, the first place they looked were the docks. It was away from everyone, and as social of a creature as Zidane had always been, this was perhaps the only change in pace that one could speculate the war had shifted in him. He loved company, but now he needed his quiet – needed sleep away from the rustling and whispers of others.
But nobody could complain – he was alive, always cheering on the training he couldn't be a part of, and for the most part, back to his usual self. He had even had a little punching practice with Freya the morning before that had attracted more attention than either could have guessed.
Zidane had singlehandedly boosted the morale of the resistance, for his team was in a better mood, and that made everyone's anxieties lessen. Cid and Steiner had taken a fresh breath that morning, knowing that things were finally beginning to turn around.
The Regent had explained to Steiner that change was on the wind, though good or bad they couldn't tell. Steiner hated that even Cid was affected by the uplifting "magical" spirit of Madain Sari – it seemed like nearly everyone was except for the knight. This made it harder for Steiner to hear cryptic messages like that quite so optimistically.
But he had surprised the Regent; Steiner had sucked in a breath and closed his eyes, feeling the already-warm breeze against his bare face. "Well, whatever it might be, I believe we are finally in the position to handle it."
Steiner's unwillingness to admit that he was feeling optimistic caused him to miss the beaming grin that crossed over Cid's face.
"Well I think if Freya was around, she would say otherwise!"
"I do happen to be around, and I agree with Dagger and Beatrix."
Zidane deflated, but couldn't quite smear the smirk all the way off of his face. "You would think differently if you saw how I won the race Eiko and I –"
"Okay!" just then, the girl bounded up to their table, loudly dropping a clay platter of fresh fish in front of them. "Time to eat up! Less talking, more energy-building!"
"Eiko, we're winding down for the day –"
"Doesn't mean you don't need energy!" she chirped, unrelenting.
All of the women stared suspiciously at her as she squeezed her way onto the bench on the other side of Cinna, hoping to hide from the way the conversation was going.
"Now that she says that," Lysandra started thoughtfully, cupping her chin. She reached with her pinky to adjust the eyepatch on her right eye, tilting it slightly to the left as she did so, "There might be time to squeeze in one more round of black magic training before it gets too dark and the spells make too much light."
Beatrix puckered her lips, "That doesn't sound like a half-bad idea, Lysandra. Who do you propose –"
Zidane nearly flipped his fish-covered plate over in his haste to raise his right arm into the air. It was left mostly unscathed in comparison to his still-weak left limb, the nasty scar from Freya's impromptu surgery still puckered and pink, "How about you and Vivi give it a go?! I hear he's been teaching you some pretty insane stuff!"
She grinned, radiant and confident in the waning light, "Oh-ho, ready for some action, are ya squirt?" her eyes scanned the crowd and spotted the mage sitting next to Ruby, listening in on the deep conversation the girl was having with a Bermecian from Daguero about natural herbs for skincare – Lysandra knew because she'd been part of the conversation for a wildly dull ten minutes the day before, before she had to walk away, she was so bored, "Vivi!" she hollered over the hum of conversation.
The noise faltered for a moment as everyone look at her, and then cast their eyes on the mage, curiosity piquing their attention.
"You. Me. In the ring for a magic brawl. Ten minutes!"
"I-I just got my food!"
"Better eat fast, kid!" she laughed, her voice booming and challenging.
He seemed to sigh with his eyes, sinking into his chair as he went to work cutting his charred fish.
Dagger leaned back, her hair swinging over her shoulder as her dark eyes cut into Zidane's lighter gaze. "Let's go set up the ring if you're so eager to see it happen."
"We don't need set up!" Lysandra challenged loudly, throwing her ragged, wooden fork into the air. It bopped a new member from Lindblum on the head on its way back down and he grumbled loudly.
"The torches, perhaps," Beatrix advised quietly as the other woman's apologetic cry rose over the rest of the table's conversation.
Dagger nodded and scooted off of the bench, grabbing Zidane's arm and hoisted him up once his legs were underneath him. "Steiner should still be there with the last group of stealth trainees."
Zidane snorted, "Steiner is the last person who should be training a stealth class."
"Ruby was there," Dagger started with a light-hearted sense of conversation, "But one of the younger boys from Lindblum keeps ogling her, so she's trying to steer clear."
He snorted, "Like this kid could even compete with her sassy attitude. Not like Blank."
There was a quiet lull in conversation. Dagger could no longer see the anger in Zidane's immediate, surface emotions, but from the tension lining his jaw, she knew he was chastising himself for talking about his best friend out of reflex.
Instead, he changed the subject, "I was thinking of something, but I wanted your approval before I ask anyone else."
"Oh? What is that?" Since when did he wait for her okay?
"I want to be part of the supply runners –" he threw up his hands when she opened her mouth wide, stepping to the side and swinging around to stare at him fully, "-nowbeforeyousay anything, just hear me out." He took a breath, "I don't want to go to the city, even I know that would be stupid," he let on a cheekier grin than she needed him to, "but I know they go out to transport those berries and fruits that grow past the ravine – out by the Iifa tree, like Eiko was saying."
"The Iifa tree?" she parroted, unsure how she felt about it. Not many people talked about their mundane trips out to the tree because there wasn't much going on. There were an awful lot of roots to trip on and, Ruby told her, more bugs than usual because the plant life down there was in an abundance compared to the rest of the desert and it was much hotter than it was at the base of the forest.
"I just need to get out of these walls, Dagger," he gestured lightly with his arm before his shoulders sagged. She noted the way he pressed the toe of his shoe repetitively into the dirt, mushing it to the sides. "I need to stretch my limbs… this sitting and waiting is killing me."
She bit her lip. She couldn't argue, because she had gone on a run herself the other day while he was taking a rest day with Eiko down by the water for some white magic therapy. The walls were convenient, but didn't leave a lot of room for long stretches of movement unless you were in the training ring, and if she was hardly certified to be in the ring, she definitely knew that Zidane would never be allowed back in – not for a long time, anyways.
"You won't bother me for a more complicated supply run if I let you go to that pompous tree?"
He scrunched his nose, his blue eyes twinkling with jest, "when you put it that way."
She groaned and pushed him lightly, watching the way his limbs easily rolled, accommodating for the weight shift. Those little movements still put her into a sudden awe that he usually had to snap her out of. How he managed to live on after the last attack never stopped amazing her. "You have to promise me, Zidane… no more after that."
"I promise," he told her earnestly. He dipped his head, pressing his forehead against hers as he stared solemnly into her eyes, seemingly searching her face. "I just need to stretch my legs. It's driving me nuts being cooped up this long. Even Sally gets to go out more than I do."
Dagger opened her mouth to disagree, but shut it when she saw the look he gave her. Sally had been allowed to hobble into town, pretending to be an old beggar lady so that some of the children could snag more weapons.
"You win, Zidane. If you promise to be good, there's nothing I can say to stop you."
"You mean it?" he nearly squeaked, his voice high with excitement.
She gave a big nod, though uncertainty lingered still in her eyes. "I'll tell Steiner, he's less likely to beat me to a pulp than you. You can go on the run tomorrow morning."
He leapt up, fist pumping the air while she scuttled forward, letting out a cry. He came back down and his legs gave out underneath him, knocking the breath out of him. But Dagger was there – as she usually was when his improved mood made him push his still-healing body harder than he should. She caught him around the waist, not quite keeping him off of the ground, but absorbing most of the impact.
He turned his neck, straining to see her over his shoulder. His ponytail tickled her face as it curled along her chin. "You okay?" he asked, his tanned skin looking even darker in the disappearing sun.
"Yeah," she whispered back to him, her own hair spilling around her face. She peaked up at him over his shoulder and gave a little smile, "I've got you."
A grin took over his face then, though neither of them moved for several more moments. Finally, she shifted and stood straight, smoothing back her hair.
He reached behind her, his blue eyes turquoise in the nearly blinding sun. His glove brought back a tendril of hair, watching the way it shined brown in the light. "Your hair is getting long," he noted.
And it really had. It was past her collarbone now, almost sweeping down her back like it had once before. Her bangs had grown long, though still held the wispy volume around her face. She looked older without her hair as neatly trimmed as it usually was, and when he told her this she countered back "so do you".
They stood there for another moment, Zidane with his hand lightly around her hair and Dagger peeking up through her lashes. The sun was dipping below the canyon now, sending a lavender hue across the dusty floor of their sanctuary.
She watched him breathe – his chest rising and falling as his eyes soaked in all of the features on her face. She felt like she needed to do the same. She felt like she needed to remember everything about him in this moment, but all she could do is think about how she never wanted it to end.
A/N: So… That flashback was the very last thing about Madain Sari in my notebook… which means I have no more notes for upcoming chapters, which kind of might explain why I've been working on this chapter for such a long time.
I know what needs to happen next and I think I'm procrastinating it. The truth is, if I can be honest with my few but very loyal readers is that I'm terrified for this story to be over. I feel like I have such a connection with the – what – four of you that let me know regularly that you're still out there, and I don't want to lose you guys!
We're perhaps on our last stretch of FitB and it has been such a huge part of my life for a whole seven and a half years now. Seven and a half years I've been working on this story – while all other fanfiction urges come and go, along with the urge to creatively write at all, I can't say I have ever once thought of giving up on this story. Through it all, it has been the longest constant in my life and that is terrifying.
Maybe it's a good time to tell you guys I have another FFIX story in the works ;)
What can I say, I can't let you go! Thank you for listening to my rant, I love you all!
Oh and at LEAST I didn't suck on my update time this time! Two weeks isn't all bad, right?
-zesty-
