Filling In The Blanks
Disclaimer: I don't own FFIX or any of its characters.
Chapter 130: An Enduring Return
When Blank finally followed Rama out of the castle, he knew the battle was over.
Everything was quiet, destruction everywhere. A bit of fire was still ablaze, but there was no more screaming or clashing metal ringing through the air.
When he first saw Dagger with her head nearly touching the ground, crouched into herself and shaking, he thought perhaps Kuja had won. He stopped the small group still behind him when his eyes fell on Kuja.
His hair was splayed out around him, some masking his face. But there was no movement from him – only crimson blood all around him. His clothing was ripped and upon further examination, the makeup that usually did up his face had run down it, making him look more frightening – more unhinged.
But the really vital part of his unmoving form was the dagger sticking out awkwardly from his ribcage.
He stepped forward, cautiously. The rest of the scene fell into place. Nobody immediately near them was even moving, all staring at Kuja, dead on the ground. He spotted a few resistance members whose faces he knew, but nobody from his team and nobody from Tantalus.
"Dagger," his voice sounded hoarse.
Though he spoke quietly, this seemed to shake some people out of their reverie. One dreamer who had stood with Avalanche and switched sides midway through the battle threw his arms up as he turned to whoever was next to him.
"Kuja is dead! We've done it!" his voice boomed, glee rising in his tone. Others began to ring out, echoing the man.
"Kuja is gone!"
"Kuja has perished!"
"Kuja is no more!"
And then the whole place seemed to spring into action. They all had witnessed Kuja's last breaths and being so wrapped up in the world's cause of havoc and disruption, most had missed what had happened to Zidane. Some still stared at the scene, clearly shocked and confused and others would shake that off to celebrate the truly remarkable win.
For just one moment, a great stress was lifted off of Blank. He watched people cry and hug and run to tell others – run to their comrades who were further back from the final fight. For just one moment, he was free of the burdens he carried with him. This hellion who had killed his parents – killed much of his adoptive family and had, countless times, destroyed his home – was finally gone.
Finally, Blank could move forward with his life with an assurance that things couldn't be taken away from him so easily again.
And then he made it to Dagger.
"Dagger, he's gone. He's dead."
She looked up at him, tears streaked down her cheeks. "He's gone," she repeated back to him.
"Yeah. Dagger you did it. You have your kingdom back."
She shook her head, looking no more pleased than a moment ago. "He's gone, Blank. Just… gone."
"Who –" he stopped himself, staring down at the blood she was kneeling in. His eyes seemed to widen for a moment and the world around him stopped.
"Zidane," she said, even though she knew he had figured it out. "Kuja shot him back with a spell… His head hit the ground so hard. He tried to get up. Then he was unconscious… then he just… disappeared."
Blank's eyebrows furrowed. "What?"
She shook her head, still feeling like she wasn't believing it herself. "I don't know if it was a teleporting spell or what it was from Kuja but… he glowed blue," she stared with wide eyes at the redhead at a complete loss. Her mouth hung open slightly as she shook her head, her hair tangled and stuck on her wetted lips. "and just… disappeared."
"H-he couldn't have –"
"I saw it."
"That means he could be okay –"
"Look at all of this blood."
"Where could he have just disappeared to, Dagger? Are you sure you didn't –"
Dagger wrapped her arms around herself and her face became angry for the quickest moment. "Do you see him anywhere around, Blank? He disappeared!"
Before she could continue, they both turned to Cid calling her name.
"Dagger! Dagger! Thank the heavens! Oh my word –" his grin would have been contagious if so much confusion didn't cloud the duo. "thank Gaia you're okay."
"Zidane," she gestured to the ground and glanced at it before staring back at her uncle. "Kuja cast a spell… he… disappeared."
Cid's face fell into ultimate pity. "He didn't make it?"
"No he could… he could still be out there," her words were slow and drawn out, like a realization just hit her. Her energy came back all at once. "We've got to look for him," she shook her head, "we have to check everywhere! He could be anywhere. We have to start looking. Blank –" he was immediately at her side, "- you gather up everyone from Tantalus you can find! I'll get everyone around here –"
"Dagger…"
She turned towards her uncle.
"Kuja is gone."
"Yes but –"
"Dagger…" his voice was very calm and steady. She clicked her teeth shut, giving him the benefit of the doubt in what he was about to say. "We must assess and aid the wounded. We must make sure that Kuja doesn't have any more large masses of troops who could sweep in and strike. I… I know you were not trained as a ruler – a Queen in military matters but… Dagger…" he reached out and put a gentle hand on her shoulder.
She took in a slow breath, knowing what he was going to say.
"Dagger – Garnet… You have your kingdom back. Alexandria has its rightful heir back again. You must begin looking after your people. Being queen is effective immediately. It's time to focus on your home."
"But Zidane –"
"Let us help who we can and assess, then you can put in charge whoever you can to help look for him. But Dagger, that can no longer be you."
"But…"
"He's right," Blank's voice sounded distant, lacking emotion. "No Dagger, he's right. This is what we've been waiting for – this is what… Zidane was fighting for. You have to take the lead and start off right."
She turned back to her uncle, her eyes doe-like and wide. "I… I have no idea what to do, uncle."
He gave her an encouraging smile. "All in due time, my dear. But… your people need you. We've just won a very significant battle, but much damage has been done."
Her mind was so conflicted. She knew he was right. She knew she needed to run to the medic tent and help those in need. She knew that rebuilding her kingdom after Kuja was dead would start immediately, but… she never thought this far ahead. Making sure Kuja didn't have any additional standing guards? Getting her priorities in order and initiating teams to each task – each task that she needed or wanted done? Dagger suddenly realized she had no idea what she was doing – no idea how to rule.
Then the other half of her mind was screaming at her. She needed to find Zidane. He could be hurt – no – he would be hurt. She needed to talk to Dr. Tot and Vivi and that black mage from Terra. She needed to know what kind of magic that was. What sort of spell was that – was it a teleportation spell, or something far worse? She had to find him. They had to look for him.
And what about the others? She hadn't any idea who was injured, still alive, or lost. Those were things she needed to know too. Even though, for many years, Cid ran the show, this was still her rebellion. Who was hurt? Who could she save? Who did she have to help her?
Her head began to spin before Blank steadied her.
She had to make decisions now – decisions she wasn't ready to make. The whole past year had mostly been her trying to make sure Zidane stayed alive. Steiner, Beatrix and Lysandra had taken care of most of the training. But now, it all fell officially on Dagger. These first few however long of her being Queen was going to be crucial – would people accept her as a ruler, as they did her parents? Would they like her, or would they methodically fall into resisting, just as they had with Kuja?
Cid was right.
No matter what her heart was telling her, for now she had to turn it off. Beginning the search for Zidane would have to wait.
Her heart broke in her chest and she heaved once before straightening. Even thinking the thought to herself left her shattered.
What if the delay meant she was too late?
She didn't think it was possible to feel so much weight in her chest. That was a new gamble she was going to have to play.
Where had the day gone?
It was the evening.
The day had washed by in a blur. Dagger had been moving on autopilot. For her, there had been no time to celebrate the death of Kuja, for there were too many other pressing matters to get wrapped up in. Blank and her split up after Cid had addressed her. She went with the regent while Blank and Rama recruited those who could help to carry injured back to the medical station.
It got busy quick.
Eiko was already there; tears leaked out of her eyes, but the raven-haired girl hadn't had time to ask her why she was crying and why she couldn't stop. Many of her friends were littering the blankets around her, and she felt so overwhelmed. But her body kept moving.
A few raced out to Dali on chocobos to gather any citizen who might be able to medically assist. They brought back the mayor's wife, who had helped with Beatrix's wounds when she was first stabbed with the cursed powder. Dagger watched with complete disdain as the woman disappeared to help the ex-knight; she hated that she couldn't help. She hated not knowing if Beatrix was going to live, for she hadn't woken up since Steiner had taken her there to begin with.
The same was to be said with most of Tantalus. They still hadn't seen Ruby, and Blank had headed out hastily to find her. Besides Marcus, the rest of Tantalus was laying injured, their condition extremely unstable. Baku didn't even look like he was breathing, but every time someone asked Hilda and Sally about it, they assured onlookers that he did indeed have a pulse.
Cinna's color was pale and blood still stained him everywhere. Actually, blood stained the entire medical station. If someone stepped foot in the station, they didn't leave without a mess on their hands.
Blank returned sometime later with Ruby and Marcus, all three helping to carry the body of Amarant. Ruby looked like she was a million miles away, but tears still dripped off of her chin and when Dagger pronounced the obvious that he was gone, she still didn't let go of his hand as they gently laid his body down off to the side, with the other deceased.
Quina, despite being worked on himself, busied himself with crushing the correct amount of herbs to help with smaller injuries, or injuries that would do better healed organically than with white magic. Freya had fallen unconscious due to her injuries, blood crusted around her eyes and snout. However, they wouldn't know if the effects on her vision would stay until after she woke up. Despite this, she seemed to be the only friend they could safely say would be okay.
When Hilda finally tore Steiner away from Beatrix's side, he sat by himself next to the body of his brother, who he had laid down next to Lysandra. He stared at both of their faces for a long while, unmoving and not speaking.
Vivi flounced around with a big basket of bottled things. Most were potions, others remedies, and some items to help cure paralysis and stona, freezes and burns – especially those from the constant use of the thundaga and the waterga combination because somehow they seemed worse than the burns accumulated from the firegas. He helped administer herbs when needed, but Dagger noticed while she was taking a small break that he never stopped moving and he never asked about where Zidane or some of the others were. He didn't want to know, and she assumed it was because if he knew, he would have certainly collapsed with worry and sorrow and not been a help at all.
Despite all of that, she smiled at his attempts. Vivi had grown so much, and at that moment in time she realized that Kuja really was gone and Vivi would be okay, and she cried silently to herself until her break was over. Then she wiped her eyes and got busy again, using the black mage as an example to her work ethic.
As much as she willed it to, however, her mind never strayed too far from Zidane. She watched her hands work methodically, but her body couldn't detach completely from her mind. Her hands shook and her fingers twitched and her leg bounced anxiously when she sat for too long. He needed her, and right now, even though it was the right thing to do, she was failing him.
That brought back the agonizing weight to her chest and made it hard to breathe.
But now, the day was over.
Everything her white magic could do for the day was done. Eiko had passed out in Ruby's arms; the girl still sat next to Amarant, her hand holding his. She glared protectively at anyone who approached her, except her team. A little while later though, she found that Eiko had been tucked somewhere more comfortable and the blonde nestled in between Baku and Cinna. Marcus joined her periodically but couldn't seem to sit still. Mikoto trailed him for a while and then gave up and wandered away.
Once she was told to take a break for a bit, she explained what she had seen concerning Zidane to those who were still well enough to move. Fratley was there, and Vivi, Blank and Marcus, and more of a ragtag group of people from the resistance.
Vivi fetched two of the four mages who had come with them from the forest when they'd found the village for the first time. The other two had fallen in battle – the story went that Kuja's copycat mages overpowered them, outnumbering them and their resilience, for the copycats didn't feel the tire of worn out magic, while the real black mages did.
They confirmed Dagger's theory on a teleportation spell. However, no one was able to give an answer on Kuja's range for magic. Who knew what the man was capable of and so, Zidane could have literally been teleported anywhere. However, the mages did give a small piece of advice to the group after everyone's faces spelled out doom.
"Teleporting is a tricky thing to master. And teleporting on a whim is nearly impossible. To complete the spell, one must have a destination in mind. This would have to be fretfully specific, and while Kuja may have been able to teleport him anywhere," the mage gave a small shrug of hope, "it would have to be somewhere that he could think of."
"I don't understand completely," Marcus said, crossing his arms. "Kuja could think of anywhere."
"I think," Vivi began, "that what they mean is Kuja would have to pick a destination for the spell to work. If we link what we know about his feelings for Zidane to a place, maybe that could narrow our search."
"And so that would take any major city off the market," Rama concluded. "And anywhere close."
"Let us say it is safe that he is not on the mist continent. Not even the Evil Forest; it is too close – despite the dangers, we would find him too quickly. Kuja was far more paranoid than that."
"Fratley is right," Marcus agreed. "And he wouldn't send him to the forest or Madain Sari on the Outer Continent because he knows we hid out there – he wouldn't send him to a place familiar to us. That leaves no other significant land mark in the Outer Continent – he couldn't just say, in the middle of the shitty desert in the Outer Continent, right?"
Haelin, one of the two black mages shook his head, "No. It would have to be much more specific."
"It might be helpful to add that the elemental shrines have a teleportation barrier around them. Because of their sacred meaning, these permanent barriers were set upon them a long, long time ago by the white mages," Torin, the other black mage, offered this information.
"So this side of Gaia is technically off limits," Marcus concluded.
"We also have to think that Kuja was under pressure. He was clearly dying when he decided that he was going to do this," Dagger chimed in. Her hands shook as she raked her fingers through her hair. It was tangled, dirty and a little bloody.
"So he wouldn't have a lot of time to throw around if a place was too risky for him to be found," Marcus said.
"I believe that can dismiss Ipsen's Castle, and perhaps anywhere on Terra."
"What does that leave us?" Rama asked.
"Fossil Roo, but Kuja didn't know that existed," Vivi pursed his lips, "So I think that can be out."
"The two qu's marshes are plausible," Marcus deduced. "Kuja thought the qu's were worthless, so he could have easily thought nobody would find Zidane on the ones on the Forgotten and Outer continents."
"Good thinking," Dagger praised. "But… are we missing anything?"
"My worry is that perhaps there is a small settlement or abandoned structure that Kuja had visited that isn't any significant place on a map. For example, there is an abandoned place known as the Desert Palace on the Outer Continent. Perhaps Kuja has been there?"
Dagger deflated, "So we have to re-add places to the list?"
"Fear not though," Torin said, "For there are not many places, if you think about a world map, that you must add on. The marshes, Desert Palace and the surrounding area, and perhaps the prairies and mountains of the Forgotten Continent. There is a large span out there with no cities – nowhere obviously specific to send a teleportation spell."
"I think it's worth checking the Iifa Tree, too. Maybe Kuja knows more about that place than we do."
"I would advise the plains surrounding Oeilvert as well. Kuja took residence there for many years before he began his plans for taking over Gaia," Haelin said, "We used to have a sister village near that area that was destroyed soon after Terra was hit with his wrath – that's the only reason I know."
"Thank you," Dagger sighed, looking around at their small group. "And now, my command is clear. For those who are able and willing, to set out and begin searching for Zidane. He could be injured. Mikoto has told me that I am more than welcome to use the airship the others flew in on. That will help quicken the search immensely."
Many of those standing around them stepped up, Marcus, Fratley and Vivi included. Blank volunteered but had been eerily quiet. As she dismissed the team to gather their things – and gather a few others who already told Dagger they would be going – she grabbed his arm and pulled him back, worry in her eyes.
"Blank…"
He turned away angrily. "You're mighty calm." But he knew that was a lie as he watched her shaking hands.
"I'm exhausted," she admitted. "And I just…" her voice was barely above a whisper, but it still cracked.
He sighed, "I'm sorry. I know. You're stuck – nobody will let you go."
"For once, I cannot disobey. These first few vital days are going to make or break the people's trust in me and I…" she faltered in her words, because she hardly cared about that at all at the moment. All she cared about was Zidane being safe – but she had to remind herself of the future.
"I know," he whispered to her, but that angry look didn't leave his face.
"Then what –"
He squeezed his fist suddenly and knitted his eyebrows together. His arm shook and she realized both hands were tightly balled in a fist.
"I wasn't there."
"What?"
He grunted and then turned away, tears pricking his vision. "I wasn't there. Zidane was taken away – maybe if I'd been there… maybe I could have stopped it." Flashes of Zidane's first abduction in Treno littered his mind. "Maybe it would have been different."
"Blank, you can't think like that –"
"I shouldn't have made the same mistake twice. I left him. Again. I could have stopped it. I could have been by his side at the very least when it happened!" tears poured down his cheeks, though he did a good job hiding the sobs. "I made the same mistake again, Dagger, and I lost my brother."
"Please don't think of it like that," she whispered herself, but tears fell freely down her own cheeks for him. Because she knew he was blaming himself, just like he had when his friend disappeared in Treno. That was nearly nine years ago now.
Her heart ached in her chest and she reached out to him, but he shook her off.
"I have to get ready. I've got to go on the search… I can't… I can't live with myself if he isn't found. Tell Ruby I'll be back."
"Blank, you need to tell her yourself. You need to –"
He shook his head. "We've got to get going, Dagger. We're almost a day behind now. Who knows how fast this airship will go – who knows how much longer we have. Tell her I'm sorry. But she's got bigger things to worry about right now than me leaving."
Dagger deflated, because he had good points she couldn't argue with. But it didn't settle well in her gut when he said he wasn't going to say goodbye to Ruby.
"Be careful. It's going to take a bit to assess how much support Kuja has out there. And how many will stand up and fight or go into hiding."
He nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I'll be careful. Good luck with everything here, Dagger. Save everyone… please… don't let Baku and Cinna die."
That familiar ache returned to her heart and she sighed, remembering their unstable conditions. Hilda was watching over them then, knowing enough of a cure spell to help them – the little amount of magic they could still absorb for the day.
"I'll do my best," she promised him.
He didn't say anything else as he disappeared.
And that was a few hours ago, now. She had watched the airship leave in the near distance and every ounce of her body told her to run after it – to race with all of the energy she had left. But instead, Dagger took a walk.
She walked out of the city, despite feeble warnings about Kuja's troops hiding out behind crumbling walls. She knew that Tawn was on the outskirts of the city, their battle won and the news having reached them a while ago. They were there, resting and aiding their wounded.
It didn't take long to leave Alexandria's walls. She found herself walking down a dirt path – one Kuja's soldiers probably used to head to Dali and scout the area for all these years. Her head felt heavy.
When she got a little ways away, she finally turned around, and then she was able to see the cluster of a ruined city all at once, knowing what was going on inside the walls. For the first time in her life, she looked upon Alexandria – no matter how beat down or destroyed it was – and realized that it was a place she was now safe. It was hers.
Unlike most of her life in Dali, where she would sometimes sneak away or beg her uncle to take her to the top of the hill near the observatory, when she would look out across the city and know the malicious and murderous people who now inhabited it, it was different now. Despite everything going on, she felt some part of her – some regal part of her that she didn't know yet – probably the part of her still holding onto Victoria and her father – finally fall into place. Some part of her was finally at peace that she didn't think had ever been since she could remember. It was deep inside of her, and the feeling, she had to admit, was refreshing.
The sun was sinking below the horizon, giving an orange halo to the city she'd just walked away from. Who knew when she would get time like this to herself again. She stood with her hands clasped behind her back, finally letting Kuja's death sink in. A small smile found its way to her lips when she thought of her parents. Her mother had died sending her away from the city – a fleeting escape from the place she thought she would call home.
And now, after all of these years was an enduring return to her birthplace – to her rightful place as heir to the throne.
The colors in the sky were vibrant, shooting past the reduced city and casting a glow on the grass. It wasn't as lusciously green as before, and she reminded herself that it was going to be autumn soon; the rain would come less and the weather would be cooler, though she knew there wouldn't be snow. Another part of her felt a pang in her chest; she wouldn't travel the world again, at least not for a long time.
The war had made her an adventurer and someone who endured. She could count on one hand how many times she'd had a bed to sleep on in the past year instead of a mat and she'd never worn a dress in her whole, resistance life. Her hair she kept tidy with a brush and soap but, what would it feel like to have it pinned back for the first time? What would it feel like to sit and do paperwork or make decisions for bickering citizens instead of scout the grounds of their makeshift homes, participate in combat training or get into some sort of trouble?
What would it feel like when her knights and teammates were sent out on missions she could never be part of again?
Her thoughts were interrupted before she could conjure up an answer for herself.
"It's beautiful tonight, isn't it?"
She started, turning to see Steiner sitting in the grass, his armor shed and his body looking bruised and exhausted. His shoulder was swollen and there was dried blood that had dripped from his temple down around his ear. For the first time ever, Steiner looked so much older than his age.
"The sunset? Or the castle?"
He shrugged, "Both, I suppose."
She nodded, though didn't speak again. Instead of sitting with him like he thought she might, she stayed standing, her hands still clasped rigidly behind her back.
"What's going to happen now?" she asked him after a few minutes of silence. They watched as the sun slowly sank behind the horizon. Fires were already being lit inside the city and out with Tawn's small group just half a mile to their right.
"Now it's time to rebuild," he told her simply.
She shook her head though, dissatisfied with his answer. "I mean… How do we make plans for it all? How do we get everything in order and put the pieces back together?"
Steiner chuckled. It wasn't at her inexperience, but just at the fact that he'd forgotten she'd never done this before. It was Beatrix, Cid and himself who had put together the resistance in her name when she was tiny. "Mostly you just pick a place and start. There really isn't a right or wrong way to do it."
She finally looked at him, letting her shoulders slump forward and her arms hand limply at her sides. "I don't know what I'm doing, Steiner. And I'm afraid."
His face softened as he gestured for her to sit next to him. She obliged, and he put his arm around her. She leaned into his side hug, not having received one from him since she was small.
"You might not know for a long time, Dagger… but that's why we're all here to help you. That's why kings and queens have advisors and generals and all of those important people you haven't really ever met. It's because giving the entire responsibility to one or two people – who would know where to start? I know Conry didn't. And I know when your mother first started getting instructions on her duties as queen, she hadn't any idea either."
"What if this isn't what I want?" she whispered, her fears coming to light. "This world we live in – I know how different it is than what I'll come to know as queen. And that's… terrifying. What if it's… boring?"
Steiner let out a true, hearty laugh at this. It felt good to hear his optimism through his laughter, even with so many of their friends still fighting for their lives. "You won't have to worry about it being boring for a long time. There's plenty to do."
She sighed, "I guess you're right. The journey will be tough."
"But we'll make it." He said. She was quiet, thinking about Zidane. He guessed what was on her mind. "I heard a search party took off to find him…"
She bit her lip. "We owe it to him to find him, Steiner. You should have seen him and Kuja's fight… It was… Well, for the fighter in me it was fantastic."
He chuckled again but turned serious before he spoke. "We will be indebted to Zidane forever – everyone, even future generations. He stopped generations of extinction and suffering. That won't be forgotten."
"Do you think they'll find him, Steiner?" she asked, hope lacing her tone.
He sighed, not wanting to give her more reason to grieve, but not wanting to lie either. "I have to have faith that good news will come, Dagger… but we have to be prepared if he isn't found."
"If he isn't found, does that mean he's dead?"
"Nobody is ever dead until there is proof," he told her, hoping that those words would make her feel better. He remembered his father, and how it felt to finally have confirmation of what had happened to him. But those years in between were haunting – he hoped she didn't have to go through that. "Gaia is a big place, though. You never know where someone might be hiding."
She sighed, "I know in my head you're right. But…" she trailed off, not wanting to finish.
He gave her shoulders another squeeze, reminding her that he was still supporting her.
The tips of the sun's rays were all that was left peaking over the horizon line. They would need to be heading back soon, but neither made a point to move.
"Have faith, Dagger," he told her, deciding to have optimism himself. "It has served you well so far."
She let out the tiniest of laughs. "Here's to a new era. We've done it Steiner… We're going home."
His shoulders sunk, and he rested his head on hers for a long moment. "May the future move forward with more happiness than peril, even if it takes a little while to get there."
"Now we have a better chance than ever before," she told him, watching the final bit of light disappear.
Fire illuminated her city now and outlined it well. It flickered like a ghost, like it wasn't there. But it was there. Tangibly, able to be touched and walked through there.
It had stood the test of time.
Now all they had to do was keep up.
A/N: I know, I know. I suck at updating. Life has hit me hard; writer's block harder. Here you go, hopefully next time it won't be so long!
Original A/N: So that was a bit of a shorter chapter. I hope that you guys enjoyed it; it's been a long time since I've stuck to just one person and it felt pretty good. Sort of a bittersweet feeling to it.
I know there are still plenty of questions, but don't worry, you'll get your answers. I guess I don't know what else to say besides that I hope you enjoyed! Get ready for a surprise next chapter, though probably not a surprise you'll enjoy…
-zesty-
