Filling In The Blanks
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy IX or any of its characters.
A/N: I would just like to take a second to shoutout to this story and anyone still reading. Thanks for sticking with me for my 11 years – 11 years – on the road! We are, after all this time, on the last leg of this story. There's still quite a bit of ground for me to cover but, I do see the end.
Thanks everybody. I'm terrified and excited all at once. This has been one hell of a journey.
Anyways, onto the chapter.
Chapter 131: The Crestfallen Queen
"Good morning, my queen."
She opened her sleepy eyes to Zidane's grinning face, his head lounging on his arm, body tangled in the large comforter they shared. His hair was brushed out of his face, eyes gentle and bluer in the early morning sunlight.
"Good morning," she mumbled, though she buried her face again in the pillow. He laughed; it was a charming, quiet laugh. She peeked out of one eye to stare at him, eyelashes brushing the soft fabric beneath her.
"I don't remember you being this lazy," he teased her, before flopping over on his back and staring at the ceiling, his right arm still tucked behind his head while his left rested easily on his chest.
"I don't remember you ever wanting to wake up in the morning," she told him matter of factly, but sighed and rolled over anyways.
His hand found hers as they both stared at the ceiling. The large doors that lead to the balcony let in a great deal of light, the brightness splashing over their large room. She had filled it with light colors – pastels, whites, silvers – anything to fight away the darkness she'd been hidden in her whole life.
"We should get one of those drapery things for over the bed – give us something more interesting to stare at."
She snorted, squeezing his hand. "I don't know what kind of drapery thing you're talking about."
He didn't answer though, so she closed her eyes again, allowing herself to nestle into the warmth she was feeling. After a little while, she sighed, feeling responsibilities nagging at her.
"Zidane?"
She wiggled her fingers, unable to feel his hand anymore. Her brows furrowed and she turned her head to the side, opening her eyes to stare at him.
The bed was empty.
The sheets and billowing blankets were all made up on that side of the bed and light wasn't shining into her room quite as bright.
Her chest compressed as she sat up, confusion slowly melting off of her features. She stared around the room, looking at an exact replica of the one that was just in her dream.
"Except no Zidane…" she mumbled to herself, swinging her legs off of the bed.
Her hands went to her face and she rubbed her eyes hard. Then she brushed her hair back, running her fingers through the long, thick strands. It was down her back now; she thought about cutting it again every single day.
One of her dress makers told her that wouldn't be very feminine.
She spent the rest of the day angry and in the training yard, despite explicit instructions on how to spend her day productively.
She had a lot of those days; aimlessly feeling trapped in the castle and needing to let her bottled up emotions out. That's when she'd put on a jumpsuit and boots and if she really wanted to hide from her advisors, she would sneak down to the barracks of the knights and train with them for a while. When someone found her, every single one of those knights would come to her aid – excuse after excuse made for her. She always found herself smiling softly when she was being escorted to her quarters to put something more 'appropriate' on.
Despite the heaviness that weighed on her, there were still some good things.
That heaviness won out most days, however.
Most days, for the past four years.
"Four years…"
Sometimes, she had to remind herself out loud because otherwise it didn't sound true.
It had been four years since the fall of Kuja. Four years since their ragtag resistance had finally won the war. Four years since Zidane went missing in the square, and there hadn't been any luck in finding him again, either.
She waited restlessly outside, wringing her hands together desperately. The airship would be landing in the port any minute now. Any minute now, Marcus, Vivi, Blank and the others would be loading Zidane off of that ship.
She would be ready – no matter if he was laughing and okay, or if he was injured and needed assistance. She felt Steiner behind her, anxiousness falling off of him in waves. She knew that he was less optimistic about their arrival, but she didn't care. They had to have found him, because where else would he be?
Dagger couldn't control herself when the airship finally landed. She raced to the exact spot she knew the ramp would come down, and her eyes were wide with anticipation.
When the small group came off of the ramp, and she saw no signs of the genome, she was visibly confused.
"Where is he?" she asked, gently grabbing Blank's arm.
He shrugged her off, storming past her in defeat. Baffled, she whirled around to Marcus and Rama. They stood before her with tired eyes.
"M'lady," Rama bowed, remembering how she was now royalty again, and it would pay to treat her as much. She waved him off though.
"Well?"
"We couldn't find him, Dagger," Marcus admitted. He knew it was blunt, but there was only so making the situation sound better.
"That's impossible," she whispered. "Where else would he be?"
"We looked everywhere."
"Maybe you didn't look hard enough!"
Rama placed a hand on her shoulder then, even though she was busy challenging Marcus' hurt face. "We did everything we could for now but this does not mean we will give up. But we had to come home – we have not had a chance to see our loved ones – not had a chance to rest since the war ended."
She deflated, suddenly feeling guilty. "You're right. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, Dagger," Marcus whispered to her, scratching his head. "I'm sorry we couldn't find him."
"Queen Garnet?"
Her eyes snapped open when she hadn't even realized she'd shut them. Her lady in waiting had come inside the room, eyes doe-like and concerned when she saw the woman with her head in her hands.
She was a bit younger than Dagger – maybe seventeen years old – and Dagger, now twenty-four, took her on because she said she was originally from Dali, but had fled with her brother to Treno many years ago. She said she wanted to work in the castle to help rebuild Alexandria, as both of her parents lived there before the war.
How could Dagger refuse that story?
The girl was very shy, but extremely loyal to Dagger. They had become something of friends, and she liked to pretend that perhaps this was how her mother had helped shape Beatrix into the woman she became.
"Yes, Ada?" She squared her shoulders and rolled her neck to the side, stretching.
"I'm sorry M'lady. I knocked but there was no answer. Normally I would not interrupt but General Steiner was going to visit –"
She put up a hand, though wore a soft expression on her face. "It's alright, Ada. You were right to come in. How long, until General Steiner arrives?"
Her face blossomed a few different shades of red. "H-he's awaiting your approval to enter just outside your quarters, Your Majesty."
Dagger let out a snort. She couldn't help it. Leave it to Steiner.
"If you don't mind helping me with my gown, and then General Steiner can assist me with anything else I might need. Take the morning off Ada – go out to the gardens and sketch like I know you enjoy doing. You deserve it."
"R-really?" Her face got even redder, "I – I mean, yes, Your Majesty." She bowed as Dagger climbed out of bed.
The raven haired queen told the younger girl to pick whatever dress she'd like, and Ada came back with a forest green gown with fitted three-quarter length sleeves. The sleeves billowed out at their ends, revealing a cream colored wave of pleated fabric that matched the undercoat of the gown. It laced up in the back with red ribbon, with an open back but high collar on Dagger. The front of the dress was buttoned until it reached her waist, where the green fabric fell away and was left with the same pleated creamy fabric as the sleeves.
After the dress was laced up, Dagger slipped on her black flats – for she still refused to wear heels on most occasions and turned towards the door. "You are dismissed, Ada, thank you for waking me."
"You are most welcome, Your Majesty," she bowed and then opened the door, giving a little bow to Steiner as he entered.
He nodded to her before she hurried out, shutting the door protectively behind her.
"You look stunning, My Queen."
She made a face, "I know that you have to do that in public, but please, not in private. It still feels… strange."
Steiner raised an amused eyebrow, "You still are not used to it?"
She sat at her vanity and started tearing through her hair with a brush. Steiner watched in dismay as strand after strand fell onto the green dress she was wearing. "No. And I don't think I ever will be."
The man gently took the brush from her hands and began brushing her hair. That wonderful feeling of someone else brushing her hair took over, and her shoulders slouched.
"Having a rough day, Dagger?" he asked quietly and in all seriousness.
"I had another dream about him," she shook her head, "Steiner, it was so real." She gestured around her, "It was in this very room… I swore he was back."
He sighed, unsure how to approach the subject.
"Then let us get you out of this room – perhaps into town. That always makes you feel better."
She couldn't disagree with him. He continued to brush her hair for another moment, though, and she closed her eyes. "I miss Beatrix," she told him in a whisper.
He frowned at her sad look, "I know it is not the same as having her here… but…"
"You've gotten better at doing this," she noted.
He grinned at her in the mirror, "I have another trick to show you." With the type of precision only Steiner would invest in a hairstyle, he parted her long hair into three sections and began braiding, the smooth, thin strands in between his surprisingly nimble fingers. When he was done, he tied the end of it off and she stared with shock in the mirror.
Turning her head from side to side she saw the long braid that Steiner completed, pushing it lightly over her shoulder. It was impressive, especially for a man with little to no grace.
"Steiner, I'm… impressed."
His grin turned into a smirk as he rose up to his full height. "I know, I'm great at this stuff."
She wore her own sly grin, "You must be practicing for the daughter you're going to have."
His gaze slid toward her, narrowing with accusation, "Just because that woman was right when she predicted your gender, does not mean she'll be correct with Beatrix's pregnancy." A glowing, prideful look suddenly came over his face, "I am convinced it will be a strapping boy, like myself."
Dagger snorted, "You know I'm not the only one who thinks it'll be a girl. Beatrix thinks that too."
His expression darkened, but in a more comical way than not. "I know."
She stood, "I miss Beatrix being by my side for these types of mornings, but I have to say I do enjoy your dramatics."
"Dramatics?!"
Smoothing out her dress and taking one more look at the hairstyle she was now sporting (she couldn't wait to tell whoever asked that Steiner did it, because that would embarrass him – hopefully she ran into one of the Pluto Knights), she gestured to the door, "Weren't we going out into the city?"
He rolled his eyes, "Yes, I suppose we are."
Alexandria's restoration had gone gloriously. While Dagger immediately insisted they help everyone else rebuild first, the outcome of volunteers to help rebuild Alexandria was overwhelming. They wouldn't let her put her kingdom on hold.
They started with the castle. Everything that said anything about Kuja, and was not immediately related to her parents' rule was torn away – everything redone. She had to admit she'd installed a lot more wood into the castle, for it felt more welcoming and homey. Nobody had disagreed with her.
"Darlin' – I mean… Yer Majesty –"
"Ruby –"
She gave a small bow before grasping the girl's hands. "I have to show ya this. It's so important."
They were working in the castle, room by room. Nobody wanted Dagger to be alone there, so she welcomed anyone helping to restore the city into the stronghold for shelter. Steiner wasn't so sure about the idea, but she promised him he could lead security while everyone was there, and that seemed to suit him just fine.
The blonde haired girl dragged her to the library. They stood outside the doors for a moment – Ruby said for dramatic effect – before they waltzed inside. Everyone had stopped what they were doing and tried to look inconspicuous as they followed the duo, for everyone wanted to see what Dagger would say.
"Blank sent a letter a couple days ago, and I just couldn't keep it a surprise any longer. Steiner and I rushed to make darn sure the library was touched next."
"What are you talking about, Ruby?"
Ruby whirled Dagger in front of the staircase at the top step. There was no missing the two large portraits that hung above the staircase, forgotten in a grand room Kuja never touched.
Her eyes widened as she stared at the portraits.
"What…" her voice fell, words lost on her lips.
She stared back into the matching eyes of her mother in the portrait on the right. For the briefest of moments, Dagger could remember her face in real life. Her eyes were just as soft and fierce and passionate and caring as she could remember. She could imagine the smooth touch of her mother's hair, and the way her cheek pressed into Dagger's forehead as they raced down the tunnels to freedom when she was so little she could barely remember.
But after a long moment of staring at her mother with an ache in her heart, out of the corner of her eye, a rounder, more gentle face caught her attention. Her gaze drew to the side to stare at a brown haired man with green eyes. He seemed exhausted, but full of love for the woman next to him.
Dagger tilted forward onto her toes, wishing she could get closer to the portrait to study it.
This was the only time she had ever seen what her father had looked like.
"Ruby these," she felt like she needed to say it out loud, "these are my parents."
Ruby gripped the young woman's hand tightly, "They sure are, sugar." The widest grin spread on her face, "Let's move them to a place ya can see 'em more often."
Dagger nodded anxiously, excited for them to come off of the wall so she could study them – touch the faces of these people she loved so dearly even though they were gone. Even though she'd barely met any of them at all.
"The Alexandros Line," she murmured to herself, still in shock. Still fighting. Still here.
When Steiner and she descended the stairs in the grand foyer to exit the castle, she was able to look up at the wall, seeing the two portraits hanging proudly for all who entered and exited to see.
"One day, we're going to have to move those over for your portrait."
She sighed, remembering that nobles and advisors alike had pressured her to have her portrait commissioned already – for she had been the queen for four years, and usually it was done within that time. However, Dagger was trying to hold out – she didn't want to be the only one in the portrait.
Steiner didn't push her though; he didn't push her on a lot of royal stuff, actually. Where she was sure, like his regular personality would persist, he would, he had backed off of her – even defended her against those who said something as small as getting her portrait done, or as drastic as picking a suitor.
"She saved the world from Kuja – rose up to rebuild Gaia. If she wants to wait, she can wait."
She'd once heard him say that to one of her advisors. He had blocked her door so she could have time in peace on a particularly sad day, but that didn't mean she hadn't heard the conversation.
"Steiner, can we visit Beatrix if we're going out into the city?" she asked him, deciding not to answer his statement.
He shrugged, "I don't see why not."
She grinned at him as they left the castle, nobody saying a word. Usually there was someone always fluttering around her, but Steiner did a great job staving people like that off – she would be safe and well taken care of so long as he was at her side.
Despite the calm that Steiner brought on hard mornings, the weather outside did nothing to brighten her mood. It was a cooler day, and gloomy. They walked along the stone path with grass on either side of them, castle workers bustling about, planting the first flowers of the summer.
They bowed to her as she passed. When that first started to happen, she would profusely shake her hands at them, insisting they didn't do it, but now she gave a graceful, attentive bow back to show them the gratitude she felt towards their services. Her stomach still rolled when she did so though.
The two of them passed the training yards. This area was especially pristine because Steiner overlooked the maintenance himself. Sometimes, if Dagger was in the right wing of the castle looking out, she could see Steiner after his knightly duties were finished, trimming the grass or organizing the assortment of weapons. They had been in a stable, peaceful time for a couple of years now, but Steiner insisted they had to be ready for anything. Sometimes, on days she was lucky enough to see, a very pregnant Beatrix would come help him tidy the yard. Although, it was more Beatrix trying to help and Steiner running after her, insisting that she be careful, because "think of the baby!"
Those training there stopped what they were doing to salute Steiner as he passed. He stopped stiffly as well, returning the gesture. After addressing their Captain, the new Pluto Knights turned to the queen and bowed low to her.
Dagger watched them – watching one knight bow a little slower than the rest. She caught his green eyes under his helmet for just a moment before he bent over too far to see. Anxiously, she continued to stare at him as he came back up, but he wouldn't catch her eye.
Blank… her heart ached.
He hadn't been the same… He'd been closed off completely from the world and delved yet again into training under Steiner as a Pluto Knight. He was good – far better than everyone else, but he didn't ask for promotions or different titles. In fact, he didn't ask for anything – he barely even talked. Time and time again, Dagger would invite him to different events in the castle – and it didn't even have to be an event – sometimes just to spend time with her, and he would always reply with the question, "Is this mandatory, my Queen?" and she would tell him of course it wasn't, and he would politely decline.
It hurt. She hadn't known him the first time Zidane disappeared, but she at least thought this time they could be together – could help each other. But both of them suffered alone. Blank wanted nothing to do with most of the team.
"Come now, Your Majesty," Steiner hummed gently at her. She knew he was herding her away from Blank – to leave him alone. She had asked him before if he'd managed to talk to the redhead, and he kindly told her that even if he had, it wasn't his place to tell her anything.
Dagger had been frustrated by that but respected his answer.
"Keep up the fine work, my knights," she mumbled half-heartedly, feeling dejected once again.
The training yard quickly turned into the vine covered walls of the castle. Dagger always spent a little extra time staring at the ivy that had encased the stone. When they first rebuilt the wall, only a small amount of greens had been placed at the top to make it seem less daunting. It had only been four years and she couldn't see a single stone underneath.
Things had changed so quickly.
They passed under the gate, and the two women standing guard saluted professionally. Steiner saluted back and Dagger gave a small bow. The guard on their arm had a rose emblem on them – they were from Beatrix's brigade.
And just like that, the duo transcended into the chaos that was a flourishing city. People bounded this way and that, yelling about selling strawberries and haggling to buy eggs. A cart rolled by with a few chickens in cages, ruffling their feathers from the rickety ride, small, white tufts fluttering to the ground in their wake.
Crowds put Steiner on edge; perhaps it was most of his life in the resistance, or that he took his job protecting Dagger very seriously. But he always had a hand on his sword and he very rarely ever smiled. The raven haired woman bit back a small smile; she loved this side of Steiner, but mostly because it was comical.
It only took a few minutes for people to stop what they were doing and settle into making a clear path for the queen. She had made it very clear that when she was on these walks, she wouldn't have waves of people bowing for her, so they bowed their heads or nodded, parted ways and stared at her.
This was the part she hated the most. It was like people didn't know how to treat her. They gaped at her – maybe even more because she was responsible for running the rebellion that stopped Kuja – but very rarely did anyone approach her. Those were her favorite – her heart ached, for she missed speaking with her people and accelerating the growth of hope. Now it seemed she was untouchable, and even though she loved leaving the castle, this did nothing to help improve her mood.
"Makeway! Makeway for the queen!" People were shouting and whispers rose and fell in the crowd.
Maybe it would be different if people didn't stop everything they were doing to see her. Maybe if she started to have a more consistent schedule, people would be expecting it and she wouldn't feel like such a burden to their day. Her face soured. A burden.
But the days where Zidane's lack of appearance weighed on her heart too heavy to bear didn't follow a schedule.
A woman stepped forward – someone she didn't recognize – with a sheepish grin. "M'lady," she bowed but continued speaking before Dagger could correct her, "I am so sorry to bother you during your day."
"Please," Dagger graced her with a small smile, "I am thrilled to speak with my people."
The lady gave another bow, obviously nervous and a little flustered. "My daughter – she insisted that we had to meet you today," she looked down at the ground, turning this way and that looking for her, "Vivian? Vivian where are you, silly girl?"
The girl that stepped out had big, turquoise eyes. Her small face reminded her of Eiko from a few years ago. Her hair was long and pink, braided in one braid that fell down her back.
Dagger bent down graciously, getting to her level. "Nice to meet you," she stuck out her hand and the little girl gingerly took it. "Vivian, was it?"
She nodded, star struck.
"My name is Garnet," the name felt foreign on her tongue. She pulled her braid over her shoulder, "It looks like we match."
Seeing the queen sporting the same hairstyle as her ignited the girl's confidence and a huge smile broke out on her face.
"I knew you'd be as pretty as mommy said you were," the woman's face blossomed all shades of red, "I wish I was a queen too! I have a pet cat and I call her Queeny. She has black hair like you! Oh!" the girl shut her mouth for a moment and Dagger tried to wash the baffled look off of her face. "Jilly, she's my neighbor. Jilly told me that she heard you were in love with a very handsome man! But she didn't know if she believed you because no one has ever seen him. Are you in love, Queen Garnet? Ohh," the little girl batted her eyelashes.
Steiner immediately stepped forward, ready to pull Dagger away.
The little girl's mother looked horrified. She was an adult – and clearly everyone in Alexandria knew of the missing dreamer who had stolen Dagger's heart. Not many of the regular townspeople – if any, really – had ever met Zidane, but when Alexandria was being rebuilt, nearly the entire resistance was still there, and Zidane was a regular person to them.
"I am so sorry –" she started to say.
Dagger looked at the little girl, who was fidgeting as she waited for an answer. "Why yes, I am in love."
The girl sighed. "Where is he? Where?"
"He's far away right now, fighting off any remaining monsters that nobody can see," she wore a sad smile on her face. "And I love him dearly. That's why you never see him."
"Oh," the girl's face set downcast.
"But, I have an even bigger love."
"Oh?" her turquoise eyes – her face that matched Eiko's younger face – lit up, "Who?"
"My people," Dagger answered with so much sincerity that if Steiner hadn't known the young queen practiced this conversation in front of a mirror, he would have believed her. She pointed at the girl, touching her chest gently. "You, and your mother, and everyone here."
Her eyes were wide, star struck again.
"Me?" she whispered.
Dagger nodded, "Especially girls like you, with dreams bigger than this city."
She nodded, about to go off on another tirade, but her mother pulled her back. Her face was still red from embarrassment, "Thank you for meeting her. I'm so sorry she –"
Dagger put up a hand. Something practiced, for on the inside she was breaking. "No need to apologize. Thank you for bringing her to meet me."
"Of course," she nodded, giving a small bow. Vivian tried to poke her head back out of the crowd so her mother gave a last wave and ushered her away.
Those who had witnessed the conversation stared at Dagger with pity. And she hated it. She hated their eyes – their expressions filled with worry and sadness.
She stood and turned her skirts, staring at Steiner with a stony face. "Let us continue."
He nodded, the worry crease in his forehead even heavier, but he said nothing. There wasn't really anything more anyone could do to help. He knew if he gave her permission, Dagger would flee the castle immediately. She would search the world for Zidane, still. But they both knew she couldn't leave. And sometimes he wondered if she felt like a prisoner in her own kingdom.
The thought broke his heart.
"This is ridiculous."
She stared aggressively, hands on her hips and lips pursed. It was a tense few moments before she sighed, though it might have sounded more like a growl than letting out a breath.
There on the floor was the entire cut of meat she was trying to cook for dinner. It lay, half rubbed with spices, looking more enticing now that she wondered if it was okay to eat. Herbs rained down on the wooden floor, and she knew Steiner would be complaining about the smell of garlic for a week.
In a huff of frustration, Beatrix fled the room, temporarily abandoning her dropped meal. Coming in at eight months pregnant (and bigger than any other pregnant woman she'd ever seen), when she dropped something on the floor, there was no hope of picking it up. While it was still infuriating to have to ask for help when something slipped out of her usually nimble fingers and clattered to the floor of their home, it was even worse because Steiner had specifically picked up the cut of meat last night, his mouth watering as he requested them to eat it for dinner the following evening.
She reappeared in the kitchen, a long, lithe dagger in her hands. A look of smug triumph – one that she usually wore when rubbing it in someone's face that she was better than them – swept over her face as she stabbed it with the dagger, maneuvering it back up onto the counter.
Beatrix investigated; could she pass this as edible?
The door clattered open and she dropped the dagger, with the meat still hooked onto the end. Her eyes narrowed lethally.
"Steiner," she growled, "there had better be a great reason you're – oh," her face instantly softened. "Dagger."
The young woman smiled softly, thankful that Beatrix was better at remembering to call her Dagger, her eyes shifting down to the weapon and meat on the floor. The pleasant grin didn't leave her face as she ushered Beatrix, "You'd best say hello to Steiner." Usually, Beatrix had learned, that was code for distracting him while Dagger cleaned up some sort of mess Beatrix didn't want to have to admit to.
She gave a grateful look before waddling out of the kitchen. Steiner's face wore a thin mask of worry, but it melted away as soon as he looked at her. "Sorry to barge in on you like this. We needed some time away from the castle."
Immediately, the brunette understood what he was saying. She couldn't help but glance back at the doorway where she knew Dagger was. Instead of investigating further, for she knew the story of why quite well, she shrugged, putting on a mask of gratefulness. "Dagger is always a welcome face in this home."
Steiner looked around at Beatrix's words.
Home.
When the two had purchased the house – probably too small, and much under their budget in a quieter part of Alexandria, they stood in the doorway when others had finally left them alone, their shoulders together, armor rubbing with an annoying steel-on-steel sound.
"Home," Beatrix said, the word sounding foreign as it rolled off of her tongue. "Home," she tried it out again, but it still didn't sound quite right.
"It doesn't have to be permanent," Steiner said, though it sounded more like he was talking to himself than her. "Just until the baby is old enough to function in the castle."
"Home," Beatrix mumbled again, thinking about the quarters they had left behind.
Despite spending a good portion of their lives sleeping in the dirt, on a mat or in some dank, makeshift building, the only home they had known before and after the war had been in Alexandria's castle. Of course, their childhood homes had stood, nestled into Alexandria somewhere, but they started training as knights very young, and spent most of their time in the barracks – at the castle.
"You know," Steiner mused, "Dagger never kicked us out. She said we were welcome to stay in the castle… she said she'd be delighted to have our boy around."
"Girl," Beatrix corrected without looking at him.
He rolled his eyes. "We could go back."
"We could…"
They stood there for a moment longer, the door still hanging open in front of them. The entryway was small, the floors wooden and creaky. The kitchen wasn't big either, but then neither of them really knew how to cook very well. There was a small living room that was already littered with armor and weapons and an even smaller bathroom.
When they were first looking at the house, Dagger accompanying them, all three of them stood in the bathroom, standing back to back and nose to nose with the wall.
"It's cozy," Dagger complimented with a dazed grin on her face.
Beatrix and Steiner hadn't had a right bathroom with a toilet and a shower and a hand sink since they-couldn't-remember, let alone a bathroom of their own. Weary eyes exchanged silent glances, despite Dagger's kind words.
Sucking in a breath at precisely the same moment, both knights took a step forward at the same time, both lodging themselves stuck in the frame. Wiggling and fidgeting, with fumbled apologies and mumbled words of grief, both of them pushed back to the outside at the same time.
"You go first," Beatrix said.
"Ladies first, I insist," Steiner half-demanded.
And yet she hesitated, her gusto vanished.
"I'm feeling a big parched in this heat, do you think it's particularly hot today?" she said suddenly.
He nodded in quick agreement, "I did hear Dr. Tot's assistant announce rain tomorrow. Maybe it's the humidity. Thirst isn't good for the baby."
"Baby," Beatrix repeated, feeling utterly overwhelmed.
"Shall we take a walk and find you something good to drink?"
Her eyes widened in gratitude, "I would love that, Steiner, thank you for the thoughtful suggestion."
They fled the doorway without even shutting the door, despite the new glasses that were sitting in a wooden crate on the floor in the kitchen, and water already in their kitchen.
Dagger had not quite shared their hesitation of getting a home outside of the castle, for the sake of having a place to call their own when their child came into the world. But she did miss them being around all the time, though somedays Steiner did spend the night, still, in his quarters in the castle and Beatrix visited when Dagger had nothing planned for the day.
They did everything they could to take the girl's unmistakable pain away, but it was never quite enough.
Dagger reappeared in the doorway, her dress half in the hall and half in the kitchen, indenting strangely where it was stuck in the doorway.
"Is the nursery nearly finished?"
Beatrix popped her lips like she was glad for the distraction. "It's almost there, come see. I think you'll like what we've managed with the place."
They followed the woman up the stairs, though it was slow going between all of Dagger's skirts that continued to get caught in the rungs of the railing and Beatrix's slow waddle at the incline. Steiner almost kept a straight face through the whole thing, but he couldn't help to grin at the troubles they grumbled about now when he never heard a peep out of them – about anything really – during an actual, real life war.
At the top of the stairs, they took an immediate right into the nursery. Dagger's eyes went soft and a sort of dazed smile grew slowly on her lips.
The walls were a pale blue color and though these floors were also wood, there was a beautiful rug (something Ruby had gifted them when she found out they were pregnant) woven with gold, pink and blue threads in the middle of the floor.
Directly in front of her was the crib. As surprising of a duo as it was, it was Marcus and Steiner who made it by hand, bickering and arguing but both standing together in abundant pride when it was finished. Sheepishly, Steiner admitted later that the thing looked hideous, but he had never seen so much love in Beatrix's eyes as she laid the baby blanket over the rail. She would never admit it, but he had caught the sheen of tears in her eyes before she turned away.
On the far end of the room was a rocking chair from the castle. It turned out, as sick and twisted as it was, that Kuja had not destroyed most of what was in the castle. Décor, yes – especially what lined the halls and common resting areas. But most of the furniture was the same, and after it was cleaned up, looked surprisingly nice. Things like chairs and tables in the library, guest bedrooms, the barracks, kitchen and dining rooms were left mostly untouched. But who could blame Kuja really – they were all things he would need anyway, why waste time in world conquest to buy new furniture?
And when it was all said and done, everyone was relieved this was the case. There was much to salvage. Dagger's room as a child was untouched, almost like he had never gone in at all. The king and queen's quarters was ransacked, but not left destroyed. Steiner had thought a long time about this and presumed Kuja felt uncomfortable – like memories that the place wasn't his own lingered in abundance. He probably saw those rooms and scoffed, abruptly slamming the door shut again.
Whatever the reasoning, he was grateful.
The rocking chair in the room came from Dagger's room, still furnished from when she was a child. When she redid the room, she realized with sadness that she herself had no connection to the chair her mother used to sing to her in – rock her to sleep in when she was an infant.
But Steiner and Beatrix had done the same thing – sat in that same spot to hum her asleep or speak to her when her mother was busy. They watched Victoria cuddle her child – fall asleep in the afternoon sun in that chair.
Dagger couldn't think of a better place for it than in their home for their child.
A mobile hung over the crib, but the charms that hung off of it were tiny replicas of weapons. At that she had to laugh – of course they wouldn't have traditional stimulation for their child.
"I love it," she said softly. "It's beautiful."
"Yes," Beatrix hummed, "I wish there was more to put on the walls but we just…" she trailed for a moment, "well we just don't have that many things."
"It will come in time," Dagger assured them, turning around. She clasped her hands in front of her waist politely, the smile not quite reaching her eyes.
They stood in a comfortable, yet frigid silent for a moment, no one quite knowing what to say. It was clear that Steiner and Beatrix wanted to talk to Dagger about what she was feeling, but the raven haired woman made it very clear that she would not be constantly pestered about it, and now a pregnant pause hung in the air.
"Would you like to join us on the rest of our walk?" Dagger asked, seeming to snap out of her own thoughts.
Beatrix smiled with love at the girl, "I cannot wait until I do not have to refuse such invites anymore," she patted her stomach, "unfortunately, she doesn't let me get around nearly as quick anymore, and I get tired so quickly."
Steiner watched as she unconsciously placed a hand on her lower back – all of her wounds still bothered her, her body aching, especially when pregnant.
Dagger nodded in understanding, "I can't wait to meet her."
"Why do you both keep insisting it will be a girl?" Steiner grumbled, hoping to break the tension, even though he knew exactly why they thought that.
"You should know by now that Beatrix is very rarely wrong, Steiner," Dagger chastised as she moved to give the woman a tender hug.
They embraced for a long moment, their emotions heavy, before she put a smile back on her face and pulled back from the older woman. She could see how tired Beatrix was – and Beatrix could see how tired Dagger was.
But they continued to smile pleasantly at each other as the younger woman stepped away.
Steiner slipped an arm around Beatrix's shoulders. "Are you coming back down?"
Beatrix nodded, "I'll only be a moment."
"Do you want help with the stairs –"
"No, Steiner."
Dagger hummed, letting their quarreling fall into the background as she walked slowly down the stairs. Her hand traced the railing as she looked around, imagining what it would feel like to live in a small home with less people around.
The solitude sounded… enticing.
She sighed, unsure exactly what she was feeling.
She was grateful for her birthright, her people, her kingdom and her duty. She wanted nothing more than to help rebuild the lives that Kuja tried to strip away, and there was no easier way for her to do so than to rule a kingdom. She was a generous queen – humble, giving and fair.
However she had heard the rumors.
The Crestfallen Queen.
That's what her subjects referred to her reign as. She was loved – loved so much by all, many and most still in awe that this girl lead the rebellion that defeated Kuja. They were grateful for her and delighted to be so actively involved in her life.
But no one could deny that sadness that followed her like a silent ghost. Sullen and mostly withdrawn, Dagger was becoming the queen most notorious for her sadness. She had no mate – no real, living mate in the eyes of many, especially the ones who had never met Zidane.
Her dedication to a fallen soldier felt like a fairytale, and she knew it was a romanticized tale. The crestfallen queen was her title in that storybook, and while her heart panged, knowing that was her lasting impression on people, she couldn't blame anyone.
She had changed, that much was certain.
There was hope left in her still, of course, and her kindness came in waves of gentle smiles and generous words. Laughter and grins came easily in the face of her dear friends and most trusted allies, and yet… that sorrow loomed, always present, like a wide-eyed child peeking out from behind the corner, trying and failing to go unnoticed.
Before she knew it, she was standing in the small garden in front of the house. Her dress gently bowed the flowers around her, her feet sunk in the moist dirt.
"M'lady, are you alright?" she heard Steiner's quiet voice and turned, her eyes distracted.
"Steiner," she mumbled lightly, "I'm sorry – I've stepped all over your flowers."
He let on a small smile before extending a hand, "It's quite alright, Dagger. Let's continue on, the skies look like they won't hold out much longer."
She nodded, "Of course."
They walked slowly back onto the main road, people stopping to bow on the way there. Though Dagger acknowledged every single one, she hardly even realized she was at this point. It made their journey slow, but neither minded too much.
"The room really is beautiful, Steiner."
"Thank you, but it has truly all been Beatrix," he shifted his helmet as he shrugged.
"It doesn't matter," she told him in a voice that suggested she had said it before.
They walked in silence again for a while, not knowing what to say to the other. There was so much Steiner wished he could say to her, but he couldn't bring the words to his lips when he saw how exhausted Dagger looked. It weighed on her more than she said, even though she was relatively open with Steiner about her troubled dreams.
The duo was just getting to the edge of the Market District when the first raindrops colored the ground. It didn't take long before a steady rain ensued, though many people had anticipated it and already packed up their stands to head home.
"Come now, Dagger," he turned to her, glancing up at the sky. It felt late, even though he knew it was only midafternoon. "Let's head back before your dress is ruined."
She nodded, wringing her hands in front of her with a question. "Alright… but could we take the long way back? I don't mind a bit of rain."
He wanted to protest, and he drummed his fingers on his belt like he was going to. Market District lead into the Noble District – which happened to be the largest area of Alexandria. Known for its beautiful walkways and parks, restaurants and wineries, the path wound in an unnecessary way to show off these accessories to the district. It would take them awhile to get back if they went that way.
And yet, he found himself telling the girl, who still looked so young in imploring moments like these, that he didn't mind.
She walked beside him, taking each step delicately and deliberately, but was so lost in her own thoughts that he didn't bother trying to make conversation. Instead he focused on his own loud footsteps, clad in his full armor since they headed out into the city, and the way everything looked a little gloomy when it rained.
They match, he found himself thinking as his eyes slid back to Dagger. She walked with confidence, and yet… Such a forlorn city, fit for a crestfallen queen.
A/N: I know, I know. It's been forever.
I struggled with this chapter. I started it four or five different times from different perspectives, and then decided just to cut to the chase. I'm happy with the chapter, though it progressively got harder to fill without extra emphasis on how, despite being a great ruler, Dagger was unhappy.
I'm excited about this time jump, but updates might take me a little longer. It's just so hard to capture four years in these chapters, and I have so much I want them to say in the right way.
But I promise I'll be faster next time. Thank you for your continued patience! Love you all!
-zesty-
