Filling In The Blanks

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy IX or any of its characters.

Chapter 135: In the Field

Dagger pinched the bridge of her nose. She ignored the pressure on her ribs as they laced up her corset, fluttering excitedly around her.

There was noise coming from every direction. Hand maidens skipped this way and that, finding makeup, hair accessories, shoes and whisking away options that were declined. Six girls flitted around her elatedly, with one woman holding her hand tightly in front of her.

"I'm grateful I don't have to do this alone," she mumbled, her irritation rising, "but why do there have to be so many?"

Beatrix gave her a thin smile of sympathy as she patted the hand she clutched with her opposite fingertips. "I can't lie to you, Your Majesty, I don't pity you."

Dagger almost stuck her tongue out at the brunette.

Beatrix was so pregnant, the raven haired girl thought she would get lucky and cancel this day in preparation for the oncoming child, but the heavens were not so kind. Beatrix was showing absolutely no signs of giving birth. The one good thing about it though, was that she insisted on being there for Dagger on this day.

Despite the mild confidence (and irritation) she was able to show off with Beatrix in front of her, the truth was serious. It would be a hard day today. She would look her best, more regal than she had ever looked, sitting on her throne with no one around her. She would be up on the pedestal alone.

And every half hour or so, a new suitor would enter the room, looking as cocky and arrogant as ever. The guards in the throne room were not to move unless given direct orders to do so by Dagger. She would have complete control of the event.

The Royal Advisors pulled this stunt about once a year. Steiner could fight them off for the most part, but in that, came the agreement to humor them and at least meet potential suitors. The advisors hoped that maybe someone would strike Dagger in a way that would have her reconsidering waiting for a man none of them ever thought was to come.

And who was this boy anyway? An old thief of the resistance? That is hardly a suitable past for our next king.

Dagger had heard those words through her chamber door one day. Steiner was fending them off, and that's what they had said. Talking to Steiner – talking down on the "boy" who had killed Kuja. She had thrown open the door in an outrage. Steiner had to physically pick her up, kicking and screaming, and lock her back in her room.

She didn't emerge again for days.

Finally, Beatrix shooed all the hand maidens away. She barked at them in an extremely hormonal tone that had them scurrying away in a fit of giggles. Ada stopped on her way out and bowed to the queen, "You look absolutely beautiful, Your Majesty."

A small smile appeared on Dagger's lips as she nodded at the teenager, "Thank you, Ada."

And then the girl ran out with her friends. She knew they were racing to the outskirts of the courtyard, hoping to get a look at all of the handsome people who had appeared to meet Dagger. It was the same every year for the past three years.

One year.

She soured.

They had only given her one year after the war before their pestering got so bad that Steiner had to make a compromise. Dagger was cordial and polite like she always had been, but she hated the old nobles who were on her advising court. She had raised nomination for Marcus and Steiner and had even invited Rama to serve on her court from Bermecia. But she had been overruled. "They knew best", she was told.

Cid had sat down with her as she pouted angrily on her balcony, tears stinging her eyes.

"This is what royalty is, my child," he cupped her chin and gave her a tender smile. "It's all a game."

"We just lived through an entire world takeover and uprising and I have to be subjected to those old crows?"

He gave her a thin smile, "Your father always said the same thing."

She let out a little huff, desperation on her face. "What do I do, Uncle? What if this isn't what I want?"

"Sometimes we are dealt hands we do not want," he told her gently. Gone was his fabulous gusto, replaced by an old, sad man who had seen much loss in his life. "But this is what you were born to do, Dagger. I know your frustrations, but I have never met a young woman more suited to take on this challenge."

She furrowed her brow, "I think you're just saying that."

He grinned at her, "Now why would I do that?"

She sighed loudly, her shoulder drooping. "I want to help people. I know that this is the best position for me to do so, and yet…" she glanced longingly beyond the walls of the castle. "This isn't where my heart is. All of these regulations and formalities… Why does a good ruler equal good appearances?"

"That's the tragedy of it all, Dagger," Cid told her, his voice rising to a normal level as he sat up straight and played with his curled mustache. "In war, survival is the number one priority. Nobody cares if you have killed three people or if you lived on a large plot of land before the war. Nobody minded if you were a thief or a doctor, so long as you made them feel safe. But with peace comes more structure, and unfortunately structure is paid for with wealth."

"I don't want to be an advocate for the wealthy."

Cid's eyes crinkled at the corners as he glowed at her. "And I've heard your mother say that same exact thing as well."

"If they had all of these thoughts, why didn't they make anything change?"

"It's easy when everyone has a common enemy to rally supporters… Conflict of interest is harder to deal with."

She stared down at her hands for a long moment, curling and uncurling her fingers as she thought about his words. He knew what came next – she would wish to speak to her mother or father – to know what they would do.

"Uncle…"

He nodded, opening his mouth with the reply to her unasked question on his tongue.

"What would you do?"

He deflated. "I have to say, I'm shocked by the question," he told her sheepishly. "Not your mother or father?"

She shook her head. "I love them, and I wish I could have spent more time with them… but… I never even knew my father, though his royal blood flows through my veins. My destiny and my era lays in the people who surround me now. You are who I have to look to. I want to know what you would do, because you are the one who is here with me now."

He put a hand over his heart and clutched the fabric of his tunic. It broke his heart what she was saying, having been so close to Conrad and Victoria himself. There was a time of all three of them together, before Cid had become Regent and the others King and Queen – just the three of them and all of their mischief.

And yet, this was probably the most mature thing he had ever heard Dagger say. Always yearning to know her parents and always wishing she could follow in their footsteps. Yet here she was.

"Do what you must to appease all," he advised her, "but give them hell every step of the way."

She let out a mixture of a laugh and a sigh of release all at once as she launched herself at her uncle, enveloping him in the biggest hug. He clutched her back, pressing his large hands into her hair and closing his eyes, relishing in this moment he had with her.

"Dagger, it's time."

She turned to face Beatrix, thoughts of Cid melting away. She would play the game of the royal court, but they couldn't make her choose someone, and Steiner would truly die before they ever forced someone on her either.

If she could manage a day once a year, she could appease while not actually giving in.


Blank stared at the bar, frustrated. He gripped the glass handle of the beer mug in his fist, but the drink was still untouched. Condensation ran down the sides and pooled on the wooden counter underneath his drink.

"Nobody likes the waste of a good beer."

He glanced up, his facial expression unchanging from the grumpy grimace it was molded into. But the bartender paid no mind.

"You look rough, kid."

He snorted and went back to staring at the bar.

"Not much for talkin', huh? Just like old times."

Blank's head snapped back up, and his expression, though still sour, wore question in his eyes.

The bartender was grinning, all-knowing. "How are you, Blank?"

"Who –"

But he stopped. He didn't need to ask. A rainy night, a mumbled first conversation that led to a deep revelation after the bar was closed. The bartender who had helped introduce him to Cierradonna; helped them escape Treno – all those years ago.

"Asher?!"

"Thought you wouldn't recognize me," he chuckled, dumping Blank's beer and giving him a fresh one. "Took you damn long enough."

"What are you doing in Terra? I thought you lived in Treno!"

"We do – well… we did. But after the war," he shrugged, "we didn't want to be confined to one place anymore. We live somewhere for a few years and then move. Before here was Daguerro."

"We? Like –"

"Cierradonna and me," he answered with a nod. "Though I thought you would have known that; Cierradonna writes Ruby letters all the time."

Blank glared angrily at the bar. His hands flexed unconsciously around the beer. "Yeah well…" he trailed, unsure of exactly what to say. What was he supposed to tell people about how his will to keep going just shriveled up and died and he took it out on the person he loved the most?

"How long has it been since you've spoken to her?"

He looked up in surprise.

"Ruby writes back."

He stared, miserable this time, at the counter with his eyebrows tucked at their ends in worry. "How is she?" he asked.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?"

His stomach did a flip flop. "If you know, you obviously know why I can't do that."

"Something I've come to realize about Ruby over these last few years of being able to interact with her as a grown woman is that she is one of the most forgiving people in Gaia."

"Not for this."

"I think you're wrong."

"You don't know," he shot back, almost in desperation. "You wouldn't understand, not really. Nobody but Ruby and I really do. And I'm not so sure we even know…"

"I've been a bartender for a long time, kid," (Don't call me kid), "I know what people are saying when they aren't really speakin' the right words. You don't want Ruby to forgive you."

As though forgetting his façade, Blank's shoulders dropped. "She deserves better. I can't hurt her again. It would break anything I have left."

"Why don't you let her help you?"

"It would just make it worse… She…" his face, if possible, got even more miserable. "She's married now, you know that."

Asher snorted, and that seemed to snap Blank out of his temporary funk. He rubbed a glass with a towel, a little too much aggression in his gestures. "He's a good enough guy as nobles go."

Blank stuck his nose up in surprise, "A noble?"

The older man shrugged and put down the glass, as though realizing he probably shouldn't hold onto it. "The man's a little older, and wants Ruby to be everything she's not. 'He's traditional' she says. But traditional means he's been pushing for a family, wanting Ruby to stay at home and cook and clean while he goes out and lives life. He hates Tantalus, but knows well enough now, finally, to keep his mouth shut. He's uncomfortable with who Ruby used to be."

Asher glanced up to find the redhead looking the most unraveled he had ever seen young person look. Blank pressed his fingers through his hair, eyes wild under the headband.

"How could she let that happen?"

He sighed, "I think she found safety in someone the exact opposite of you… Not to make you feel worse."

Blank's shoulders sagged. It did, indeed, make him feel worse.

"Ruby doesn't have a lot of heart left to give. I think she gave up and settled. But what does an old man really know?"

"Do you think she's happy?"

"Happy enough to fend off her family, I guess."

Blank's expression soured. "Why don't you guys tell her how it is?"

"Ah… Try it sometime and see how you feel after you see the look on her face."

Blank knit his eyebrows together. This guy sure knew exactly what to say to make him feel awful. What happened with Ruby was his fault, he knew, and he was too chicken to own up to it. But that didn't mean he wanted anything less for the blonde than what he knew she deserved.

"He's doing better than I could have," Blank finally settled on, despite the disruptive feeling in his gut.

Asher shrugged, "You aren't my son, nor are we even friends, so I'm not even going to follow that up with what I think."

Blank eyed him suspiciously. "That's certainly a good way to get me to probe."

"You really want to know?"

The redhead wasn't really too sure, but he was too curious to say no.

"What you did, regardless of the why nobody seems to know, was cowardice. And you can roll your eyes or feel guilty or understand what I'm saying, it doesn't matter. Justifying what you did with the idea that she's better off without you is selfish."

"Wow, you really don't hold back."

"I'm a bartender, what do you expect?"

Blank bit his lip, unsure of what to say next.

Asher slapped a hand on his shoulder, leaning over the bar to reach him. "Next one is on me – something a little stronger for whatever quest brings you to Terra. Good luck, kid. I hope you find what you're looking for."

That was the last thing Asher said for the evening. He gave Blank a hefty glass of whiskey when his first drink was empty, but was too busy to speak again. The redhead left the bar feeling more lost than he did when he walked in.


"Ruby, darling, haven't you spent enough time with your friends these last few days?"

Cinna, Ruby and Marcus sat up, all swiveling their heads in the direction of the voice. They were laying next to Baku's grave in the park, having been there for all of a half hour.

"This is the first time I've seen 'em," she furrowed her brows, confused. "Why are ya here? I thought ya had work outside of the city today?"

He pursed his lips, annoyed that she fired back with a question, but trying to be cordial about it. "I wanted to surprise you."

Cinna and Marcus snorted, quiet enough for only Ruby to hear. She glanced at them with a glare. "I'm sure sorry, Greyson, but I'm busy today. I wish ya woulda told me…" she trailed, unsure what else to say.

He let out a big sigh, but a smile lit up his face. He walked over to Ruby and gave her a quick kiss. "It's alright… I'll see you for dinner? I really want to finish our talk from when I first got back."

She nodded, though her smile was thin. He waved as he wandered away, and she could feel the heavy eyes of the two boys next to her.

"You don't really seem too worried. Talks are sort of a big deal," Marcus observed.

She shrugged and flopped back down in the grass, "Because it's the same talk every day. Really, every day… he wants ta have kids."

"Kids?" Cinna snorted, "You guys have been married for two months!"

"I know," she sighed, tilting her head up to stare at Baku's gravestone. "If Baku was here, why, Greyson'd already be dead. Baku would have killed him."

"Then why won't you let us kill him?" Cinna asked as he laid back down, taking one of Ruby's hands and squeezing it to let her know he wasn't serious.

"Fair chance," she reminded them.

Marcus rolled his eyes and laid down beside her, also taking her hand. "We know, we know."

She sighed and closed her eyes. They were all silent for a long while, listening to the wind in the trees. The Tantalus tombstone behind them shot a cool shadow over Ruby as she stared up at the mostly blue skies. Greyson had interrupted their reminiscing of Baku and ruined the desire to continue.

"Do ya… Do ya'll think it's bad of me to withhold somethin' from someone because of selfish reasons?"

"What do you mean, Rubes?"

She let out a huge sigh. It seemed to be all she was doing these past few weeks. For some reason, things had been a lot more tense with Greyson than usual, and she hadn't been able to pinpoint why. She couldn't ask him though; he would blame Marcus and Cinna.

"I don't think I want kids."

Maybe the blonde had expected a bigger reaction. Maybe she thought that because she knew that when she finally told Greyson that, she though he would explode with confusion and hurt. However, her Tantalus brothers barely batted an eye.

"I don't want kids either," Cinna told her. "I want to be like… the cool uncle;" he grinned, knowing both of them would give him weird looks. He released Ruby's hand and stroked his thick beard. "I mean… I'm already the cool uncle with Mallory. So why not keep it going?"

"Ugh," Marcus rolled his eyes. "Honestly, I don't know why she likes hanging out with you."

"Because I'm cool," he stuck his tongue out.

"You're going to turn my daughter uncool."

Cinna sat up then, his eyes huge. "What?! Why would you think that?"

"Well –" Marcus stumbled. Cinna was clearly better with children than him, and he was having a hard time giving reason because of it. He also sat up and spluttered, throwing out his arm in Cinna's general direction. "Look at you!"

He glanced down at himself, baffled. "Look at what?!" His voice was shrill like he truly didn't know what Marcus was talking about.

Ruby burst out in a fit of snorting laughter, halting their argument before it could get worse. She clutched her sides as she laughed, and eventually the other two joined in. These were her brothers; this was her family.

She sat up, feeling a sense of euphoria. "Let's do somethin' fun," her eyes twinkled with mischief.

"You aren't having fun?"

"Nah, I mean… Somethin' Tantalus fun."

Both of them looked at her in shock. It was quiet for a moment before Cinna's eyebrows went up and a smirk grew on his face. "What kind of Tantalus fun?"

Her grin grew as she stared at her friends, looking, and maybe feeling, like she was eighteen years old again.


They clinked their glasses, pounded them on the table, then lifted them to down the shot. Ruby could feel the warm liquor slide down her throat and nestle into her belly; a feeling that was more than welcome.

She grinned at her two friends – their cheeks pink and eyes a little glossy. This was their fourth bar causing a little mischief. Picking out women for Cinna to hit on, starting a ruckus that may or may not have turned into full on brawls with Marcus and seeing how many young men Ruby could get to follow her around.

Currently, they were all enjoying a quieter moment, back to reminiscing, but not just about Baku. Blank's name wasn't taboo for a liquor filled Ruby and the mention of Zidane didn't send the whole group quiet.

"What do ya say – one more?"

"Ruby is on fire tonight," Cinna giggled, elbowing Marcus in the ribs, "our girl is back."

Marcus snorted, trying still to act mature despite the slight sway in the way he stood. "She never left."

The blonde took this as a yes and shuffled a couple of seats down the bar to get the bartender's attention. She squeezed in next to a group of rough, older men and waited for her turn.

"… ended up in some resistance. I guess he went and got himself killed. The kid was never very smart."

Her ears perked up and she turned her head slightly towards the group of men.

"Yeah but, that was a pretty big deal. All of those people were heroes."

The loudest man of the group was big and burly. He had a hefty gut on him and his hair was dark brown and cropped just below his ears, styled in dreadlocks. He scoffed at his drinking partner's words. "Heroes? Hardly? Kuja was cruel but life went on as usual. He didn't starve us of alcohol. He didn't tax the stuff. If ya put me in front of the guy, I probably would have been able to take him down too!"

A couple of his friends snorted, clinking their glasses together and laughing at the big talk. The first who opposed him spoke again. Ruby found herself leaning closer, anger bubbling in her chest. Who did this guy think he was?

"I'd like to see you try, Amant. We all know you're too much of a drunk to beat anyone in a fight."

Her heart froze. The bartender repeated his question to her, but she didn't answer. Cinna and Marcus glanced over at her curiously.

Amant…

"Yeah well, put me in front the redhead shit son of mine they claim to be a hero and I'll show you something different."

Ruby stumbled away like she'd been visibly hit. Amant glanced at her directly, looked her up and down and raised an eyebrow.

"Our discussion a little too intense for ya, girl?"

"Ruby?" Cinna called out to her.

She squared her shoulders and glared at the man, a whole rush of emotions coming at her at once. She felt faint, but she wasn't sure if it was this new information or if it was the alcohol.

"Look fellas, the talk of blood might make the little lady pass out."

She snapped.

She wasn't exactly sure what did it.

It could have been the alcohol, or that this man was so clearly talking down to her deceased half-brother. Or that this man was actually Amarant's father, still talking down on him. Because that would make him her father as well. Her father that she had left Treno in search of in the first place.

The one she never found, but instead discovered Amarant, who was better than this man could ever hope to be.

She flung herself forward so fast she surprised herself. Charis scraped the floor as she and him toppled over on the ground. She threw her first punch at his jaw. That felt good. She hadn't fought in a long time.

The men scrambled, ready to get in on the fight, but not so sure about hitting a woman. The first man, far too drunk for his own good, wound up to punch her in the back of the head; Marcus snaked in between Ruby and the man and punched first.

He stumbled back into his friend, who maybe was looking for an excuse to fight, because he punched the stumbling man for bumping into him. Anyone else was on Marcus now because he got involved.

Cinna puffed and grabbed one man's drink and downed it, before smashing the glass against one of their heads. He wasn't sure how well he could punch with his left fist, but glass usually always did the trick.

Meanwhile, Ruby continued punching Amant. His nose was bloody and the ends of her long hair were tinged red where they swept through the blood on his face. He was too stunned to stop her for the first round.

Eventually though, he got his barrings and threw her off of him. She stumbled into someone and he turned, swinging a punch that she ducked down to dodge. Four years after the war was over and her instincts still took over. Her speed and agility was still intact. She would always be a member of Tantalus.

"What the fuck is your problem you bitch?!"

She swiped at him again, lunging with enough speed to get a hit before he slapped her away. Blood oozed from a cut on her cheek, but she came at him again.

"Ya prob'ly don't know me," she grinned at him, a crazed look in her eyes.

He took an intimidated step back, despite not meaning to. "Of course I don't, you crazy bitch!"

She stood tall for a moment, grinning at him. "Ya can't remember the woman ya got pregnant and abandoned? Ya can't remember that ya had a son dependin' on ya who ya also abandoned? Ya can't remember that the resistance saved yer god damn pathetic life?!"

In his confusion, she lunched again, landing a kick to his groin and a hard punch to his chest. She was going in again for his nose when he landed the first real punch back. Right to her eye. There was a hum in her head for a moment and her vision swam, but that didn't stop her and it seemed to shock him.

"That still doesn't explain who you are!" He yelled shrilly at her.

The bartender was closing in on him, and she wouldn't get a good chance to get a hit on him after that, but she knew Marcus and Cinna were doing everything they could to give her time.

"My name is Ruby," she panted at him. "I'm your daughter." She went at him again and punched him once more in the nose, able to get there as he stood, baffled at the whole encounter, drunk and not a good fighter to begin with. A satisfying crack rang out and he howled, his nose crooked and broken.

"You're a crazy bitch!" he repeated, not having much else to say.

Instinct still gripped her and she flipped the dagger she always carried with her out of her boot and straight to his neck. He went still.

The bartender was on them now, but upon seeing the knife, things slowed. Nobody was going to make a move to shed blood on the floor.

She pushed it against his neck. "Listen to me. Ya a piece of shit. Not yer son, not any of them women whose hearts ya've broken. Yer the piece of shit. A coward. Weak. My mama deserved better and so did Amarant. He was a hero. He died protecting people. Thank Gaia he didn' follow in yer footsteps." The knife went a little deeper, drawing the first droplets of blood onto the blade.

"O-okay… Just chill out, okay? Sure, whatever lady, I'm a piece of shit."

She spit in his face and stood then, putting the dagger away and backing up. The bartender put his hands on her shoulders.

"I'm escorting you out, miss, okay? Don't do anything crazy."

"I'll do ya one better and leave this worthless garbage in yer care." She ruffled the skirts of her dress like she always did when she was angry, and stormed out of the bar, sporting her battle wounds proudly as she walked out into the sun.

Marcus and Cinna scampered after her.

The air felt freer as they all moved outside. Ruby wobbled to the barrier around the canal and leaned on it heavily, feeling the cool stone under her fingers. She saw the blood on her knuckles and flexed her hands.

"Ruby –"

"I know… I shouldn' have done it. That wasn' respectful –"

"That was awesome!" She whirled in response to Marcus' comment to see his face lit up in more excitement than she had seen in a long time. Cinna's face matched his.

"You totally made him shit his pants!"

"I can' believe after all this time, that was who I'd been searchin' for."

Marcus stretched, shaking his head in shock. "I can't believe you found him in Lindblum, after all this time."

"I can't believe you just fucked his shit up!" Cinna burst into laughter, a heavy bruise forming on his jawline already. "That was… that was…" he grinned, patting her on the back.

She felt relief. It had been a long time since she'd been reckless and angry and just – Ruby. She began to apologize like she was apologizing for who she was to Greyson… And all Cinna and Marcus did was shower her in love.

Something inside of her clicked, but before she could really decide what that was, she heard a voice.

"What in the hell happened?!"

They whirled around, still on high from their fight, to see Greyson himself standing before them, his face screwed up in a mixture of anger and shock.

"Who did this to you?!" Greyson demanded. "We'll get authorities involved –"

"Actually, I started it." She said, unable to stifle the grin on her face.

"She pulled a knife on a guy," Cinna couldn't resist sharing. Marcus shoved him to get him to shut up – now was not the time to brag about their bad ass girl.

"You what?!" Greyson's expression darkened and he gripped Ruby by the arm. "We need to talk. Without your friends."

Ruby relented, turning slightly and grinning at the boys as she was all but dragged away. Her drunk self still swayed a little when she walked, but she didn't seem bothered at all.

Marcus bit the inside of his cheek. "That man is not going to be happy."

"Well yeah… Ruby's got bloody knuckles and a black eye."

They stood there for just a moment before both broke into rolling laughter, leaning on the stone to the canal. Neither of them were worried for her. Clearly, Ruby could still handle herself.


"What the hell were you thinking?!"

Ruby blinked at Greyson, not able to get in a word despite all of the questions he was asking her.

"Why the hell did you do that?" he crossed his arms, seemingly finished. She took in a breath to speak before – "I think Cinna and Marcus are a bad influence on you."

Her teeth clicked shut and she glared at him. "Greyson –" she put a hand up to interrupt him, "We've talked about –"

"Where is your ring?"

"Hm?" her brow was furrowed; why couldn't he let her speak?

He snatched her hand and she winced; the knuckled were raw from the fight.

"Your wedding ring?" he glared at her, "what were you doing today?"

She held up her right hand, "It's here, I didn' lose it."

"Why aren't you wearing it?!"

"Well, I am –"

"On the finger that shows you're married?!"

That's right… she had switched hands to lure the younger men around the bar with her, so Cinna and Marcus could count how many followed her around with starry eyes.

"I just switched hands for a bit is all."

"Who were you with that couldn't know you were married?"

"No one – we were at the bar and –"

"The bar?" he seemed hurt, even though it wasn't a big deal. "Ruby, are you cheating on me?"

"What?!" she was aghast, "Why in tarnation would ya think that?"

"You weren't wearing your ring."

"Cinna, Marcus and I were just havin' a competition. Nothin' happened –"

"It doesn't matter," he sat in front of her and gingerly took her hands in his. "Ruby… I don't want you to hang out with them anymore. I've though that for a long time and I'm finally ready to say it."

She tore her hands from his. "Ya'll can't just say that!" she shrieked, throwing the chair back in her haste to stand up. It clattered to the floor.

"Ruby you could have gotten hurt and we're trying to start a family –"

"Number one, darlin' – I can handle myself. I know ya don't like it, but I was with the resistance for over half my life. It is my past, it is who I am. I am a fighter, I can take care of myself! Ya haven't loved that about me since ya met me, but there's no changin' it! And two –" her anger was bubbling to the surface and her stomach was doing flips. "- Yer the one tryin' to start a family! I. Don't. Wanna. Have. Kids!"

The room got quiet.

There was a tense few moments as a pregnant pause hung in the air.

The evening sun shone through the window, illuminating the dust particles in the air. The light sent a haze across the wooden floor of Ruby's small flat, highlighting Greyson's unreadable expression.

Despite the sun, it felt cold.

Suddenly, she was self-conscious, playing with her ring as she slipped it onto her left finger.

"You don't want children?"

She sighed heavily. "No."

"But… why not? Children are great – you work with children!"

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I've been tryin' ta tell ya this since I met'cha, but ya never listen. I see all these kids with nothin' in their life – no home, no family. I do what I can for them, ya know? But why add another kid to that? Why not just give all of my love to the ones who have nothin'?"

"But… they aren't your own. You need children by blood or it doesn't count. You have to pass on your genes."

"Honey, if there's anythin' I've learned in my life is that blood means nothing. Family is all 'bout whose got yer back."

Greyson's expression was still unreadable. "I disagree wholeheartedly. You're being unreasonable and childish. You've been immature about our entire relationship. It's time to grow up and get back to life – the time of uprising is over and you need to start taking your actions as a lady more seriously."

Ruby's heart sank; she didn't even have the energy to be angry. Is this what he had always thought of her? And married her so he could change her? She shrugged and looked at him. "So… then what?"

"Then what?" he asked her back, giving her the chance to take the room.

Ruby closed her eyes, realizing now what had clicked in her earlier in the day. Slowly, she slipped the ring off of her finger and opened her almond eyes.

"Darlin', yer a great man. But you and I – we're real different. I'm broken. So broken from this life and this world and… another man, that it turns out I gave all of my love to a long time ago. And I tried – I tried forever because I really care 'bout ya. But ya deserve better than that.

"Ya'll want someone in a traditional role, and I can't kid myself any more. That ain't me. I don' know how to cook and I will prob'ly never learn. I grew up with a house full of boys, so I thought I was the cleanest there was, but it's still not clean enough for ya. My mama was a dancer and my daddy ain't nothin'. My best family ain't my blood. And I've lost lots of people in pretty terrible ways. The man I loved broke me. He left after our friend died and I haven't ever been able to get over that. I don' know if I ever will. There's so much of me that ya don' know, cause ya don't want to. I thought I could be okay with that, but I can't. This ain't me, darlin', and it never will be."

Greyson softened finally and sunk into the chair behind him in mild disbelief. "Ruby I – I never knew."

"Ya never wanted to," she gave him a smile. "And that's okay, I decided. But that means we ain't for each other."

She put the ring, bloody and dirty, back in his hand, but before she moved away, he gripped her hand. "I don't want you to go."

"Ya'll will be better off, I know it."

"You don't want to give this more thought?"

"Sweetheart, ya ain't even fightin' very hard to keep me here. Ya know, same as I do."

He sighed and squeezed her hand. "If you ever change your mind –"

"You'll find someone before I do," she guaranteed him. "Let me pack up my stuff."

"This is your house…"

She shrugged, "It ain't much of a home. I'll give ya some time to find a place and then I'll come back." Without letting him answer, she walked past him into the bedroom to pack her things.

There was a tingle in her chest, something between sadness and the butterflies of starting new. Maybe her heart had known the entire time that it was too broken to give it to someone else. Maybe she'd always known that the only person able to put her back together again was Blank, and that was only if he could put himself back together first.

With the light of street lamps around her, she sucked in a breath and knocked on the door. The suite case of everything she owned that wasn't furniture was in one hand – she'd never been much of a decorator, except things she'd been gifted or created herself. The shop was quiet, not unlike the rest of the square. There were a couple people taking an evening stroll when the air wasn't so heavy in the crowd, but otherwise she was alone.

Finally, lantern light appeared in the window, illuminating the small space ahead of a moving figure. Before long, the door opened and the lantern was casting heavy and long shadows across Cinna's face. He looked tired – older than she remembered.

"Ruby? What are you doing here?"

She showed him the suitcase. "I guess I'm finally listenin' to ya'll." She didn't have to say anything else; he let her inside.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not now, but maybe tomorrow."

He nodded, "Follow me then."

They wove through the weapon's shop and up the back stairs. They were creaky and old – a spot in Lindblum that hadn't been renovated. The square had stayed in pretty good shape over the ages and nobody had the heart to dislodge one of the older parts of the city after all of the destruction it suffered.

Cinna's apartment was bigger than what he needed it for, but still small. It was cluttered with random décor and toys for Mallory and the entire house smelled of desserts.

"Are ya baking?"

"Just finished up actually," he grinned. "Maybe it was fate."

"Maybe… or maybe ya just like to bake."

He laughed and led her to the brightly light kitchen. It was a mess, ingredients everywhere. But on the table was a vase of flowers Mallory had picked for him and a couple of mismatched dishes. Next to them, on a two tier cake holder was his famous peanut butter pie.

She laughed without meaning to, tears in her eyes.

This felt like home.


Blank tossed down another book aimlessly on the ground. He was frustrated that he wasn't finding anything. He was frustrated that when he had visited the house with Zidane when they were sneaking around Terra all those years ago, it felt like some big epiphany being there. Why couldn't he create the feeling?

Why couldn't he find anything?

The redhead plopped down on the couch. It was so dusty that the action caused a cloud to puff into the air, and it smelled of mildew. The entire house felt damp and smelled like mushrooms. He wrinkled his nose.

"Maybe this was a mistake," he grumbled, frustrated.

He ran a hand through his hair, interrupted by the leather band he wore to protect his eyes. Irritated at the deterrent, he flung the headpiece off and it flopped to the ground. He stared at it, suddenly feeling angrier than he had in a long time. Why had he started wearing that thing again? It was stupid.

Chewing on the inside of his cheek, he glanced around the house, trying to calm down.

Despite Mikoto's promise that she would keep it from being demolished, she hadn't exactly done anything to upkeep it either. When he had first walked upon the house, long waves of cattails flowed like an ocean on either side of the path. It felt a little surreal coming up to the steps of the porch.

Ivy had long since infested the sides of the house, and some more aggressive species of vine had actually punched through the wood to the inside. Even now, he saw the dark green of the plant woven in between the battered pieces of wood. It reminded him of the Iifa tree. He turned away.

Maybe her reasoning behind letting the place fall apart was that when Zidane came back, he would want to see it just as he'd left it before, to perhaps unlock whatever memories still laid dormant in his mind about his past. Blank, cynical as ever, thought that was stupid; the last memories of his parents would have been twenty years ago now. He couldn't even remember much about that far back, and he hadn't gone through a memory trauma.

He scowled harder.

He thought a lot of things were stupid these days; he'd always had a more negative outlook on life, but he was realizing as he was sitting on that gross couch, surrounded by his own self-pity, maybe it had gotten worse recently.

Blank thought about how he watched Tantalus move on with their lives so quickly. In the year and a half he was restlessly looking for Zidane, so much had changed. Cinna was so fast to make friends, Ruby had already found a new job and Marcus had a child! He knew he was being childish when the first thoughts hit him: they don't care that Zidane is gone. Even thinking about it now, he knew he was wrong… but he couldn't help that bitter feeling in his heart.

That's what had started his separation from his family. Blank knew it was going to be an adjustment after the war, but he didn't think it was going to be that hard. And the week he spent back in Lindblum was too much – too overwhelming. Everyone seemed so happy while he was a wreck. Things stopped making sense, and the only thing he could think to do was to push everyone away.

Even in Alexandria, he felt betrayed without having a real reason to. Beatrix was having a kid, Steiner went back to the position he had always missed so dearly and Dagger – the one person he thought he would be able to share these miserable feelings with – was so overcome by responsibilities, it was like she didn't even have time to be sad. He knew that wasn't right either – he knew she was hurting, he could see it in her face when she tried to speak with him or when he was on guard duty for an event. He knew it would help to reach out to her too, but he couldn't. There was nothing, especially no amount of self-awareness about his emotions, that could get that feeling of betrayal to go away.

His heart sunk. He had messed up so badly in the last few years. Even if this trip gave him acceptance of any kind, how could he fix things? He thought about what Asher had told him about not wanting people to forgive him.

Maybe the man was right. How did he know Blank so well, anyway? Blank didn't want to unload his problems on anyone else, not when he felt like he was the only person who couldn't put one foot in front of the other after the war.

And then there was the whole other factor: If Ruby and Dagger didn't forgive him, would the rest of Tantalus? Would Beatrix? He had hurt them the most, no doubt. Could he face them?

An exceptionally strong gust of wind send crackles through the entire house. It groaned under the weight of himself, and it brought the young man out of the depths of his self-wallowing. His emerald eyes scanned the house again as he pushed off of the grungy couch and walked around.

The couch had been facing the front door, and to the right there was a wall with a window. The obscure light of Terra shown through the broken glass, illuminating the bloodstain on the wood. Zidane had told him his parents had been murdered in the house if memory served him right. It left an unsettling feeling in his stomach as he remembered Kuja laying in a pool of his own blood, a grin twisted forever on his dead face, his haunting eyes still sparkling despite the lifelessness. Sometimes the nightmares that haunted Blank were that Kuja never really died at all, and those were usually the worst, always having the most gruesome outcomes.

He wandered aimlessly in the kitchen. Someone must have raided the house after the war started, for there were broken dishes everywhere. Glass crunched under his boots as he put a fingertip on the dusty countertops and swiped away the grime. Sharp vines penetrated the walls in here too, and the old, torn curtains that once shaded the kitchen from the light coming through the window now sat, crumpled and awkward, atop the roots.

"What am I looking for?" he wondered to himself as he turned to walk out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

There were picture frames on the walls, but anything inside was so eroded he couldn't make any details out. When he reached the top of the stairs, the room directly forward had a blood stain on the rug and a broken window behind it. Inching forward, he saw a bed that didn't look to be in much better shape than the sofa downstairs.

On the other side of the bed were the floorboards that he and Zidane had yanked up many years ago. Inside they'd found some of his mother's jewelry and – he couldn't remember what else. Now, seeing the house so ransacked made him wonder if that was even his mother's jewelry at all.

Bending down and touching the floorboards, his eyebrows knitted together and the ever-present crease on his forehead intensified.

"Zidane… where are you?"

But was that the wrong question to ask? His stomach churned and he swallowed hard. It had been almost four years. Maybe the hard truth he had been refusing was that Zidane was gone.

Was this what his trip to Terra was really about? Was something in his mind urging him to accept the fate of his friend and try to pick up the pieces of his life? He was still so young, and without the war ahead of him, he had much of his life left. Would it do to waste it being angry at what he couldn't change.

A shudder went through him then as he sighed and walked to the window. Below was a tangle of plants.

"Maybe I can never fix myself," his voice sounded hollow as he glanced up at the sky.

But maybe he didn't need to fix himself. Maybe he should be trying to help. He lived with Vivi. Despite being able to function, he knew how hard it was on the black mage to have lost Zidane. Somewhere beyond the tunnel vision of his own sorrow, he knew his friend had struggled to overcome the loss of his best friend too. And maybe it was worse for Vivi – only Zidane would ever truly understand what the mage had gone through.

And yet, Vivi had pulled himself up. He was an advocate – though Blank could openly admit (not without embarrassment) that he wasn't really sure for what because he spent too much of his time drunk and unaware. Maybe he could help someone. Maybe he could take this loss and channel it.

Maybe he could help Dagger.

Steiner did a lot to respect his space and the space he needed between himself and the girl. But every once in a while, those things seemed to slip without the knight knowing it. Steiner had let him know how much the queen was struggling; Steiner let him know how much she needed him.

Maybe he should start there.

Rubbing his hair, he turned away from the window, feeling like perhaps he found more in that abandoned house than he thought he would.


Dagger tried hard to stifle the yawn before it came. But after twenty minutes of monologue about this noble and all of his good deeds (i.e. buying toys for children, buying food for the homeless, buying something for this person or that person – something Dagger didn't agree with in the slightest because there were simply better ways to help people), she couldn't help herself anymore.

The biggest yawn escaped her, complete with a long squeak of boredom. Once it passed, she clipped her mouth shut and gave the most innocent look to the man she could muster. He had stopped mid speech, seemingly annoyed she wasn't as enticed by him as he was about himself and glowered at her.

However, in an attempt to salvage the situation, he offered a smile that looked more like a grimace. "May I offer you something to help, my queen?"

She shook her head and put a polite hand up to decline, shooting a glare at the younger guards stationed to her far left that couldn't help but snicker.

"No, Ambassador Saldor, however I am so grateful that you asked." She stood, trying to stretch her legs with ambiguity. "And yet, I must so rudely interrupt. I'm afraid for all requests to be answered –"

"Oh!" he looked sheepish suddenly, like he finally realized how long he'd been talking. "Why yes, of course," hastily, he gathered his things and whirled around, before remembering something and whirling back. "Your Majesty," he bowed low to the ground, dropping one of his scrolls in the process.

She smiled with grace as he scrambled to pick it up and hurried out. Once he was gone and the doors were shut, she collapsed down into the throne again. A few of the guards let out quiet but audible laughs. She met their chortles with laughter of her own as she shook her head.

"I never knew how much a noble had to talk about," she murmured quietly, but with laughter in her voice. Now that it was over, the situation was more laughable than when she'd been sitting in boredom.

It was quiet for a few more moments as Dagger stood and stretched. Her gown felt heavy, but it was better than sitting down. Her lower back was aching.

The door opened just a crack before a slight man walked forward, briskly in pace. He was tall and slender. He had a mustache and long, but neatly kept beard and almond shaped eyes. They were charcoal colored, reminding her of Steiner's eyes. The man wore a hat that curled up at the edges, letting his ears stick out. He was one of the only advisors on her court (younger than the others by many years, but still older than she) that she enjoyed the company of and respected his decisions.

"M'lady," he spoke, bowing curtly and to the point. She liked that about him.

"Darwin, how is the list looking?"

He puckered his lips in distaste as he stared down at his scroll. She imagined his flowing handwriting on the other side of the crisp parchment.

"Unfortunately, Ambassador Saldor set us back about two candidates. So if you don't mind terribly, My Queen, I would like to send the next one in."

She smiled at him, appreciating that he was pretending to give her a choice even though she really didn't have one. "Of course."

He bowed again, "Thank you, M'lady. I will send him in at once."

Darwin turned on his heel and took long strides out, his heeled shoes tapping against the marble floors. She couldn't help but grin; his footware was fancier than hers.

Settling herself down again in the throne, she straightened her back and crossed her gloved hands over her lap. Though her dress flowed out nicely in front of her, giving a grandeur illusion of perfect posture, underneath all of the thick layers, she sat cross legged on the throne.

The doors pulled open again, this time fully. In walked an attractive young man with blonde hair. He wore a satin cape held to his shoulder by a gold brooch, dark leather pants and a tunic with an emblem she didn't recognize on it.

She rose her eyebrow. He looked different than the rest.

He grinned at her before dropping to one knee. He was gracefully, not landing so hard on the floor like some of the other nobles who weren't used to bowing. In this current position, she spotted a sheathed sword at his side.

Who was this man?

Her feet found their way back down to the ground as she leaned forward in anticipation.

"My Lady, Queen Garnet til Alexandros," he stood again, that odd look never leaving his face. "It's nice to see you again."

She was on her feet at once.

Suddenly, all of the guards that had been staring off into space, unsure why they'd been given this "important duty" when it felt painfully like punishment, were attentive once more, one hand on the hilt of their swords.

"How dare you enter this palace," she sneered at him.

He put his hands up, "Garnet –"

"You will address M'lady as Queen Garnet, or Her Majesty –" one of Steiner's older men who stood to her direct right rose his voice, sounding gruff and offended.

She waved both of them off and narrowed her eyes in hostility. "What are you doing here, Bronson?"


A/N: WELL! I wasn't going to stop there, but jeez, it's been awhile since I've given you guys a cliff hanger. Finally some stuff happened in this chapter! Thanks for sticking with me and SORRY once again that it's taken me this long to update.

I promise – promise – promise that the next one will come sooner than the last! I'm going to start working on it RIGHT now! Stay tuned!

Love you all, thanks for reading!

-zesty-