Names and Titles
"Look, will you give it a rest, already? It's not my fault you messed up on your test!" exclaimed Ranma as he walked down the sidewalk just fast enough to stay out of reach of a fuming Akane.
"Yes, it is!" she growled, taking another swipe at him with her book bag. "I was so distracted by you turning into a magical girl this morning that I couldn't concentrate!"
"Really, Akane, it's not like he turned into a magical girl on purpose so you'd do badly on your test," offered Nabiki as she trailed behind them. "Besides, I'm sure he did even worse than you did."
"Will you stop saying that! Anyway, I think I did pretty well. I was trying so hard not to think about what happened that I actually managed to focus on the test," Ranma said, casually picking up his pace slightly as a soft growl behind him prefaced a renewed flurry of book bag swings. "Now, could we please just forget about the whole mag—"
"Ah, here you are," said the lavender fox from that morning as she scrambled up a nearby fencepost and onto Ranma's shoulder. "Why are you male?"
Sighing as any hope for a topic change vanished, Ranma answered, "It's the curse I was telling you about."
"You turn into a boy? You poor thing! We'll have to find you a cure right away!"
"What? No! I turn into a girl. Whenever I'm hit with cold water. Hot water turns me back."
"Oh, that's ok, then."
"Wait, what do you mean, 'that's ok'?!" shouted Ranma. "What happened to rushing out and finding a cure?!"
"Well, turning into a girl is hardly a curse, is it?" reasoned the fox. "Don't worry, we can find something to fix your problem with hot water when we have time."
"What part of this are you not understanding?" Ranma asked the small lavender fox riding on his shoulder. "I turn into a girl because of a curse. I am a guy." He paused for a moment to nervously make sure he wasn't about to get another magical makeover before continuing. "I like being a guy."
"I ... see," said the fox. A long pause followed before she continued, "But, if you're just saying that because you're embarrassed that your sex change ritual only partially worked, you really shouldn't be."
"Damnit! Why won't you believe me? I don't want to be a girl," sighed Ranma.
"It's true," added Nabiki helpfully. "He hardly ever splashes himself with cold water and dresses up as a bunnygirl or goes out and tries to act really cute in front of guys."
"Stop. Helping."
"Fine," said Nabiki, holding her hands up. "See if I try to do another good deed anytime soon."
"That was a good deed?!"
"Look," said Akane, "we can talk about Ranma's love for his manhood later—"
"Hey! don't say it like that!" shouted Ranma.
"Wha—? Oh!" Akane ducked her head, blushing furiously, after mentally replaying her words.
"Look, can we just change the subject for now?" pleaded Ranma. "What's your name, anyway, fox?"
"Velgri. And yours?"
"Oh, right! Saotome Ranma."
"Tendou Nabiki."
"Tendou Akane."
"A pleasure. Now, Ranma, I will be staying with you to provide guidance and instruction in the powers and duties of your new office."
"Great..." sighed Ranma. "How long does this job last?"
"I'm not really sure, to be honest," admitted Velgri, "no one's survived the entire length of the term."
"How long did the longest last?" asked Nabiki.
"Five years."
"You mean this lasts at least five years?!" demanded Ranma.
"That's what you're worried about?" cried Akane. "Everyone who's done this has died within five years of starting!"
"Feh. I can handle it," said Ranma with a dismissive wave of his hand.
"You don't even know anything about it yet!"
Ranma just shrugged, then quickly moved to the side as Akane stormed past him with a growl and stomped the rest of the way home. "Sheesh. What's with her?" he asked, but no one answered, and the rest of the walk passed in silence.
oOo
Ranma sat down in the living room with a sigh and leaned back, closing his eyes. A moment later, he opened them again as Nabiki sat down nearby. "What are you doing?" he asked. "Isn't this the time of day when you vanish somewhere and avoid the rest of us until dinner?"
"And miss your magical girl thing? Please."
Ranma sighed again and shook his head. "This day just keeps getting better and better."
"Good afternoon, Ranma, Nabiki," said Kasumi walking into the room, "would you like a snack—ooh, what an adorable little fennec! Is she yours, Ranma?"
"Fennec? I thought she was a fox."
"A fennec is a type of fox, and actually, I'm her companion and advisor," said Velgri, ignoring Ranma's muttered 'his'. "My name is Velgri."
"Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Kasumi. Would you like anything to eat or drink?"
"Yes, thank you. A saucer of fairy wine and a dish of millas would be delightful."
"Aah... I'm afraid we don't have either of those. Why don't I bring out an assortment of things so you can see what you like."
"That would be fine," Velgri graciously allowed. Once Kasumi had gone back to the kitchen, the fox turned to Ranma. "While we wait, we should discuss your new role."
"Absolutely," agreed Nabiki, "and the first and most important thing is to decide on your magical girl name."
"That's not what I—"
"Feh. You only need a name if you're going to talk with anyone, and that ain't gonna happen."
"Actually—"
"That's fine," said Nabiki airily, "the press will just come up with something based on your appearance. Mmm, considering your overall look and color scheme, they'll probably go with something like Princess Pink."
Ranma gave a small shudder and sighed, "Fine. What do you got?"
"1,000 yen less than I want."
"Yeah, yeah..." said Ranma, making a 'get on with it' motion with his hand.
"Well, it really depends on what sort of image you want. Tell me if any of these grab you: Pretty in Pink, The Pink Tornado, Violence Girl, Sailor—"
"No," interrupted Ranma flatly.
"No Sailors. Got it. Collateral Damage, Pretty Angry, Bonebreaker, Guardian Girl, Justice Lass, the Lavender Menace—"
"She is not a menace!" roared Velgri. "And you two knuckleheads will stop this nonsense right now or I will bite you both!" Calming down, she added in a civil tone, "She is the Avatar of Light."
"That will be 1,000 yen," said Nabiki, holding out a hand.
"For what?!" demanded Ranma.
"Services were rendered and a name was chosen. If you didn't actually need a new name, you should have determined that before hiring me."
"Fine..." muttered Ranma, before brightening at the sight of Kasumi coming out of the kitchen bearing a large tray laden with a wide assortment of foods. "All right!" he happily exclaimed, reaching for a dish as soon as the tray was set on the table—only to get smacked on the back of his hand with a serving spoon.
"Those are for Velgri," said Kasumi with a cool expression on her face.
"Aw, c'mon, it's not like she can eat all..." Ranma trailed off and swallowed nervously as Kasumi's eyes narrowed slightly. "I'll ... just grab a bag of chips from the kitchen—if that's ok?"
"Of course, Ranma!" Kasumi replied cheerfully with a bright smile.
Ranma quickly got up and went into the kitchen, quietly muttering, "Creeeepy..." to himself once he was out of the room. Sticking his head in the pantry, he rummaged around for several moments before emerging and finding himself face to face with Kasumi.
"Ranma," she asked curiously, her face inches from his, "are you a magical girl?"
"Wh-what do you mean?" Ranma asked, starting to back into the pantry.
"Well," Kasumi considered thoughtfully, "you have a cute talking animal advisor, and it sounded like you were discussing ideas for names..."
"There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for that!" cried Ranma, looking around nervously. "You see, I—I mean, Nabiki and I—we're planning a ... er ... thing where we..." He trailed off with a sigh and sagged. "Yes, Kasumi, I'm a magical girl."
Kasumi smiled brightly as she stepped back so Ranma could move out of the pantry. "Good. It'll be healthy for you to take up a new hobby."
"Riiight... A hobby."
"You should involve Akane. She always wanted to be a magical girl, you know."
"She did?"
"Oh, yes. Ever since she was a little girl. Eventually, she decided it was unrealistic and decided being a martial artist would be almost as good."
"She never said anything about that..."
"Really? She used to talk about it all the time when she was younger. I'm sure she'd still love to help you out with your new hobby." Kasumi tilted her head to the side and added thoughtfully, "Even if her childhood dream ended up coming true for a boy instead of herself."
"Riiiight..." replied Ranma as he started to walk out of the kitchen with the bag of chips.
"Ranma, I know Akane gets angry easily, but it's only because she cares so much about things ... and the people who mean something to her."
Ranma paused for a second and said quietly, "All right, I'll talk to her," before changing direction and going out the back door. Jumping up to the roof, he walked over to Akane's room, dangled upside down by his feet outside the window, and knocked on the glass.
After a moment, a scowling Akane slid the window open and asked, "Why can't you use the door like a normal person?"
Ignoring the question, Ranma said, "Look, I've been thinking about this whole ... magical girl thing and thought maybe you should be involved. If you want."
Akane stared at Ranma for a second before a brilliant smile lit up her face. She couldn't believe it! Ranma—Ranma—was actually asking her for help! And about something she knew! Ok, maybe she wasn't going to get to be a magical girl, but with all her years of fascination with the subject, she was definitely the expert on the subject. With her as his manager, researcher, and controller, Ranma would be the best magical girl ever! And survive longer than five years.
"Oh, Ranma! Of course I want to be involved!"
"Great! So, I was thinking you could be my sidekick."
Akane's smile vanished. "Sidekick," she echoed flatly.
"Yeah!" said Ranma enthusiastically, "We'll get a costume and name for you, and you can mop up the minions and things while I take care of the bad guys."
"I'll give you a sidekick!" roared Akane.
oOo
Downstairs, Velgri looked up from the dish she was sampling as her ears twitched. "Did something just fall into the pond?"
Popping a filched piece of pickled garlic into her mouth, Nabiki carelessly replied, "Don't worry about it. After a few days, you won't even notice it anymore."
Author's note: And here's chapter two, which is longer than chapter one but shorter than chapter three. Let's hope this trend continues (within reason). If anyone can figure out the meaning of Velgri's name before it's revealed in the note at the end of chapter three, they'll get a minor prize of some sort. Such as their name being mentioned in a chapter or author's note (and you don't get much more minor than that...).
Anyway, thanks for reading, and reviews are always appreciated.
