In the living room of the Loud house now sat a white-haired man, surrounded by nine women, more precisely his sisters. It was evident, by the frowns and scowls they sent his way, that they were less than pleased with the recent turn of events.
Despite not consulting with anyone, Lincoln decided to invite someone over to their house for dinner, even worse, this someone was Clyde, a person who used to be very close to their family in the past and would be a lot more suspicious of the changes the house went through.
Yet Lincoln knew this would happen and was ready to use his 'irresistible' charisma to hopefully convince his sisters not to repeat the 'bad luck incident' on him.
"So look girls, I know this looks bad..." Lincoln started, looking up from the couch at the sisters standing in front of him in a semi-circle.
"Correcshion brother unit, thish looks beyond terrible." he was immediately interrupted by Lisa.
"You literally invited Clyde to our home, the same one that was obsessed with me up until he moved to France to study abroad. Like what if he literally figures out we're a lot closer than we should be?" added Lori with concern in her voice.
"Yeah Lincoln, you should have just incested on not being able to accommodate him," said Luan, earning herself a series of groans. Unfortunately for everyone, their arrangement has given Luan opportunities for plenty of incest puns throughout the years.
"Girls! Just listen to me for a moment." Lincoln raised his voice to get everyone's attention. "Look, I wanted to deny him, but then I thought about it. If Clyde really knew us that well when we were young, and maybe harbored some feelings for you Lori, wouldn't he find it suspicious if I just straight up declined him? If it's the same Clyde I know, he would most likely decide to investigate for himself what was going on, and likely stumbled upon our secret."
"So, how is inviting him to dine with us going to change that brah?" Luna perked up, still not sure what Lincoln was getting on to.
"Well, if we convince him you really are just a bunch of single parents looking out for each other and I'm really just a helpful brother, then his curiosity will 'hopefully' be satiated and that will be that," Lincoln explained, emphasizing his point.
The sisters then shared a series of looks between each other, as if communicating telepathically until they all turned their heads back to Lincoln.
"Alright Lincoln, but we really, and I mean really need to prepare the kids so they don't accidentally slip up." Lola finally said. "Now if you excuse me I'm telling Leia that she needs to tone down her daddy's girl act for today."
"Wait what do you mean act?" Lincoln tried to inquire, but Lola already entered the corridor connecting the two houses.
The other sisters followed her lead and all went to inform their respective children, except for Lisa who stayed in the room with Lincoln. She leaned closer to his face and whispered to him. "Lincoln, I was wondering, if everything goes south... You shee, I got thish highly experimental memory wiping serum and..."
"Absolutely not Leese, I'll not let you test experimental drugs on anyone, especially not our guests." Lincoln fixed her with a stern look.
"I am merely stating opshions, don't, as the kids call it, get your knickers in a twist." she grumbled as she went back to work on her projects in the basement.
Lincoln sat there for a while afterward, scrunching his face with his fingers 'Damn it Clyde, why did you have to come back?' Suddenly he felt a force tugging on his sleeve. Looking at the disturbance revealed it to be none other than his six-year-old daughter Lizy. His child with Lana, much like her mother, had beautiful silky blond hair and wore a red cap, the same one her mother used to wear, which Lana gifted to her for her last birthday. Unlike her, however, she much more preferred to play with toy dinosaurs and build 'surprisingly' complex sand structures, rather than rolling in mud and fixing the family's car.
"Daddy, are you sad?" she asked, looking at him with innocent, worried eyes.
Lincoln picked her up by her armpits and put her on his knee. "No sweetie, Daddy's just dealing with a difficult situation, so he's a bit nervous," Lincoln reassured his daughter as he gently ruffled her hair.
"When I'm nervous I play with my dinosaurs," Lizy said fishing a small triceratops toy from her overall. "Will you play with me?"
"Sure Lizy, just bring your toys over here. I'll even be the park ranger today if you want." Lincoln replied, smiling softly at the small blond child on his lap.
The previous frown on Lincoln's face quickly melted away as he saw his youngest daughter hop off his knee to fish out a box of toys from under the coffee table. Just spending some time with one of his children always made him the happiest and reminded him of why they needed to protect their secrets. He couldn't imagine his children being taken away from him, he would do anything to prevent that from happening, even something despicable. But that line of thought would get him nowhere right now, so he simply decided to forget his worries for the moment and spend some quality time with his daughter.
The time slowly passed and soon it was time for the dinner. Most members of the Loud family were making preparations and modifying the table, to make sure everyone had a place to sit since they had one more person to account for. Meanwhile, Lincoln was pacing around the house, musing over every possible detail that Clyde could find suspicious. He already checked on all of his kids to make sure they understood the situation and to be on their best behavior. Just to be sure he hid all of the 'best dad ever' mugs and caps he received from his children over the years.
"Come on Dad, I'm sure everything will be fine. You told us you used to be best friends with this Clyde person," said Lyle, startling Lincoln a bit. He turned around to see his youngest son and only white hair daughter, staring at him, apparently tired of his nervous pacing for the last hour and a half.
"Yeah, not like you fucked his biggest crush, which also happens to be your older sister, and then even got her pregnant." sneered Lupa.
Lucy suddenly emerged behind them, she had a habit of masking her footsteps ever since she was a child and slapped Lupa on the back of her head.
"Ouch, what was that for... Oh hi, mom." Lupa replied with irritation in her voice before turning around and coming face to face with her mother.
"Lupa, what did I tell you about that mouth of yours?" her mother asked, giving her voice a ting of emotion. Which, in Lucy's case, signaled she was being serious.
"That it's filthier than the underbelly of Yog-Sothoth, and that if I don't clean it you'll force me to attend your Sunday seances for a month," replied Lupa giving her best emotionless Lucy impression.
"Good, now you two go and see if your aunts need help. Your father just needs a moment for himself." Lucy shooed the due out of the room. She then turned towards her 'husband' and embraced him in a tight hug before looking him over.
"What are you doing honey?" Lincoln asked, puzzled by her behavior.
"Just making sure none of my sisters left any obvious marks on you." Lucy simply replied, making Lincoln blush a bit, "Don't worry, you're good."
"Really? How about you take a closer look?" Lincoln said as he placed his index finger under her chin and oriented her mouth to face his. As he was about to bring her face closer, however, a loud series of knocks were heard from the front door.
"Coming!" Shouted Luna running down the stairs to open the door. She stopped just in front of the door and swiftly opened it with a twist of the handle. In front of her on the porch stood Clyde, dressed in dark blue pants, a red and green Christmas sweater with a reindeer on it, and a pair of toy antlers on his head. In his hands was a rather big, neatly wrapped Christmas present.
"Merry Christmas!" He shouted before handing the present to Luna.
"Aw, dude! You shouldn't have." She replied ushering him inside. Once inside he was approached by Lincoln, who shook his hand and guided him into the dining room.
"Wow, this place really changed since I was gone. I didn't even think it was possible to fit an even bigger table in here." Clyde exclaimed as he came into the neatly decorated room.
"Would you look at that, the ghost of the Christmas past finally arrived, get it?" exclaimed Luan, bringing a tray with beef wellington onto the table. Clyde, visibly surprised, quickly recovered as he went to hug Luan. "Seems like somebody retained their wit, right Luan? Almost didn't recognize you without the braces. And it seems you got yourself a spinoff." He remarked, noticing Liby tagging behind her.
"Hah, good one. Wonder why I didn't think of it myself. What do you say 'Luan spinoff' ?" Luan snickered, nudging her daughter with her elbow.
"Moom stop, you're embarrassing me." Liby groaned, hiding her face before sitting down behind the table.
"Make yourself comfortable Clyde, I'll go call the others to gather for the dinner," Lincoln said showing Clyde to his seat.
"Thanks, buddy, but before that, could I use the toilet real quick? Had some flippies on the way and I really need to pee now" Clyde asked.
"Sure, I assume you remember where it is," Lincoln asked, receiving a nod from Clyde as he hurried up the stairs to relieve himself. In his hurry, however, he hadn't noticed the blond-haired girl exiting her room in the upper hallway and a collision was unavoidable.
"Ouch, look where you're going." Loan groaned as she got off the ground. She looked at the person who ran into her and was immediately met with Clyde, staring at her in utter disbelief, his eyes completely fixated on her.
Clyde's mind was a blur, as he looked up from the ground on which he landed, his eyes were met with an image he never thought he'd see again. Before his very eyes stood a beacon of beauty, his childhood crush, no... his obsession. Lori, his best friend's older sister, was the most elegant and beautiful woman he ever met. During his childhood everyone, even Lincoln thought it was nothing more than a simple crush, one that would go away when he got older. But it never did, with every passing year he got more infatuated with her, he tried his best to get her to really notice him until one day, when Bobby was out of the picture he finally got his chance.
He still remembered that day, the day he decided to run away from it all, to abandon his friends and his hometown, the day his heart was broken. He remembered meeting with Lori in the park, giving her a bouquet of flowers, and pouring out his heart for her. Only to learn that the love of his life has been completely defiled by that bastard Bobby Santiago, who got her to bear his child. Long story short, she rejected him even when he was willing to help her raise the baby, simply saying he was just a kid and that they could never be together. After that, a fight ensued after which he ran, as far as he could, in the hope of one day moving on.
Yet now, here she stood before him, looking not a day older than when he saw her last. He was overcome with emotions and the feelings he buried deep inside him came flooding back onto the surface, as a full dam, suddenly breaking. All he could muster to do was say her name, "Lori..."
Loan, who just realized her mistake, quickly helped Clyde to his feet, "Sorry Mister Mcbride, I didn't see it was you. And you have me mistaken with my mother, my name is Loan. Though, people do tell me I look like my mother when she was young."
Clyde wasn't listening though, as the suppressed emotions flooded his whole being, many wild and unsavory thoughts began to surface in his mind. Though like, how smooth her skin is, how he would like to brush his fingers through her unkept blond hair, how he wanted to taste her lips, how he wanted to pin her down and...
"Clyde, you alright?" sounded a lot more mature and concerned voice of the real Lori, the one he 'used to' love. "It's been so long since I last saw you, you really grew up huh?"
"Could say the same thing, Lori." Clyde quickly replied, forcing a smile, a smile he was so used to giving to the cameras that followed him constantly when he was recording for his renowned cooking show he moderated back in New York.
"I see you've already met my daughter, Loan." Lori continued bringing her daughter into a one-armed hug.
"Yeah, for a moment there I thought I traveled back in time 'cause I saw the old seventeen-year-old Lori standing in front of me. Though upon closer inspection Loan here really doesn't share your old fashion sense." Clyde remarked as he inspected her closer, noting her comfy blue/brown sweater and grey trousers.
"I just prefer to dress comfortably, especially at home." Loan responded, feeling embarrassed as she noticed Clyde's gaze upon her. She had this weird feeling as if she was a piece of meat at a butcher store to this stranger, but she decided to chalk it up to just being nervous around new people.
Clyde meanwhile completely forgot about his main reason for coming here to figure out what happened to his best friend's family, instead, all of his attention was now solely focused on the, to his eyes, most beautiful living being he ever met. He decided he would use this chance to get to know her specifically, and ideally find some way to contact her later, when he inevitably had to leave.
"Hey Loan, I heard from your uncle that you're also a bit of a nerd like he used to be. Say, could you show me what games you like to play, and you're comic collection? I also used to be like your uncle and since I don't have kids of my own, or nieces for that matter, I don't know what the youngsters like to play these days." Clyde started, hoping that finding out Loan's interests would allow him to warm up to her.
Loan meekly looked in her mother's direction, at which she gave her a confirming nod, seeing this as just Clyde wanting to be polite and as a good opportunity to get things ready in the meantime.
Loan gave a confirming nod to Clyde and guided him to her shared room with her sister Liena. The room was the most spacious one upstairs, as it used to belong to her mother and aunt Leni. Her was the corner closer to the window, which she turned into her 'nerd' cave of sorts. In the corner was her desk with the gaming computer she received on her twelfth birthday and above it, on the many stacked shells were all the figurines she collected throughout the years. She guided Clyde to the cupboard opposite of her bed, where she stocked all her physical game copies and her manga and book collection. Once there, she started enthusiastically explaining all the series and special editions of games she collected and proudly displayed an old Game Station 2 she found in a garage sale once.
For his part, Clyde was fairly impressed by the girl's collection and even recognized a few games she had on her shelf. Particularly he noticed a game with the title of to him an all too familiar MMORPG, Drakensung. Immediately, an idea crossed his mind.
"Oh, you also play Drakensung? It's my favorite game, well at least the only game I have time for between all the cooking and show-making I have to do." Clyde said, picking up the game cover.
"Really, it's also my favorite MMO, I was just doing a special Christmas raid with my guild before I accidentally bumped into you," Loan said, immediately perking up at the mention of someone enjoying her favorite game.
"Yeah, I'm max level dragon fighter there. Even got the legendary void warrior armor set." He continued, hoping to impress the young girl.
"You got what?! But that armor was only available during a limited time even eight years ago, and only a hundred or so of them were ever created in the game. How did you get it?" Loan asked, completely in disbelief.
"Well, to be honest, I bought it from one of the original players for a few hundred bucks. Figured since it's the only game I play might as well play it with style." Clyde boasted before continuing, "Say, if you shoot me a friend request I can give you the void staff that came with it since I'm not using it anyway."
"How did you know I was playing a mage? And would you really do that for me, I got nothing valuable to give you in return." Loan asked, completely dumbfounded.
"You looked like the mage type, and don't worry, like I said I'm not using it so might as well give it to someone. Think of it as a quest reward for friending me. We could maybe play sometimes." Clyde continued, waving the game in his hands.
Loan seemed to be thinking it over as she bit her lip. On one hand, her father told her not to get too close to anyone who knew their family, on the other hand, what harm could it do and besides, she really wanted that epic loot. "Alright Mr. Mcbride, what is your in-game name?"
"Clincoln McLoud, and please, just call me Clyde." He shot out his hand and Loan reluctantly shook it.
"Don't worry, I may not be young anymore but I'm certainly not, as you call it nowadays, cringe," Clyde replied, doing his best cool guy impression, which made Loan chuckle a little. "All right, we should probably head down to join the rest of your family at the table."
He descended the stairs together with Loan and came into the dining room where everyone was already seated. He came forward and took a seat at the head of the table, next to Lincoln and Lori.
"So, now that we're all here, allow me to formally welcome our guest, my old pal Clyde. He will be dining with us tonight as he really wanted to meet you all so behave and be nice to him." Lincoln said rising from his seat and gaining everyone's attention.
After some quick introductions and pleasantries, the family started the meal. All the while Clyde kept stealing glances at Loan, seated a few seats away from him, doing his best to not get caught.
"So Clyde, you said you were meeting with other friends from the past. Who did you get to see?" Lincoln said, wanting to break the ice with some small talk.
"Oh yeah, I met with Rusty yesterday, still can't believe he actually married Stella. Lincoln my dude, that girl was totally into you, how could you miss an opportunity like that?" Clyde quickly turned his attention to Lincoln.
Lincoln scratched the back of his head as he looked uncomfortably at his sisters, who did their best to maintain poker faces. "I know Clyde, it was just I was really busy with helping Lori, and then came Leni and you know I place family first."
"Dude, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I'm sure your sister would manage somehow, I'm sure they would want you to pursue your own happiness, right?" Clyde said, looking around the table at Lincoln's sisters who now also started to look uncomfortable. "I'm sure you know what the people say about you around town, sure people say how kind you are to take care of your nieces and nephews, but Rusty told me what they really think. They think your sisters made you a wimp, their personal slave on who they can dump all their troubles." Clyde continued as he turned to face Lori in particular. "And I don't want to be mean but did you even stop to think about what Lincoln wants before you all got impregnated by some bastards who left you on your own?"
Most sisters were now either feeling very embarrassed or were filled with rage, but all knew it was better to bottle it up lest they risk saying something they shouldn't in the heat of the moment. All except for Lori, who stood from her chair and angrily addressed Clyde. "Clyde, if this is about me rejecting you then you need to understand I simply didn't see you in a romantic light and you were literally a kid! I know we had no right to ask Lincoln for help, but he helped anyway because he wanted to, and I and the kids are eternally grateful to him."
"Oh please Lori, I got over your rejection years ago. I'm saying this because I hate to see my best childhood friend wasting his life like this when he should be pursuing his dreams." Clyde countered, pointing at Lincoln to emphasize his point. " The Lincoln I knew always wanted to be a famous comic illustrator, but instead of going to university like me he had to get a job as a manager at his father's restaurant."
Lincoln, who was silent through this argument decided to finally intervene and diffuse the situation. "Clyde! While I appreciate your concern for me, I'm happy with the way things are now. I may not be an artist like I wanted to be when I was young, but seeing my sisters and their children happy makes me more happy than fame could ever make me." Lincoln then raised his voice and continued. " And yes, my sisters were reckless, but they were young and naive, and I hope the bastards that left them burn in hell, but my nieces and nephews are no mistakes. They are wonderful children and I'm proud to be their uncle!" Lincoln finished his speech and sat down into his chair. "So Clyde please, don't try to defend me from my sisters. I'm not their personal slave nor a 'cuck' as some people like to colorfully call me. I'm just a brother who loves his sisters more than anything else."
Clyde, seeing Lincoln was being completely honest, gave up and returned to his plate. " I'm sorry... I didn't mean to imply your children were mistakes, I know how wonderful they are." He said as he turned his gaze onto Loan sitting next to her mother, who turned her gaze downwards, blushing a little. "Huh, now that I think about it, they even remind me of young Lincoln in some aspects. I get how some people might make the mistake." Clyde joked a bit to try and lighten the mood a little after his previous outburst.
All this did however was to get a few forced chuckles from the Loud members as Lincoln answered. " Yeah, strangers tend to make that mistakes whenever I'm out in public with my nieces or nephews. Don't even get me started on what other people think." he let out a forced laugh.
The rest of the dinner went without further incidents, Clyde made some inquiries about what the sisters were doing while he was away and asked some questions about the loud children, their hobbies, personalities, and such, though he was most interested in learning about Loan.
When it was time to leave, he said his goodbyes to the Loud sisters and shook Lincoln's hand before walking out of the house to the taxi he called a few minutes prior. Later that night, when he was at his computer he logged into his Drakensung account and searched for Loan's profile, to which he sent a not-so-little sum of virtual currency with a simple message.
"Merry Christmas, look forward to the new year's raid."
