"All right, pencils down! Go ahead and pass your exams forward – results will be posted next week."
A sigh of relief (or in some cases, dread) ripples across the room as everyone depressurizes. Personally, you're not terribly stressed at all – which is a little surprising, considering how little studying you got done. Although you're pretty sure some of your answers to the open-response questions could have used some more work, there really wasn't anything that had you stumped. Altogether, it's a fairly satisfying ending to a hectic week.
As you stow the last of your things in your bag and sling your guitar over your shoulder, Hayate and Mariko approach your desk.
"Sooo," says Hayate expectantly, "whaddya think? Top twenty? Thirty? I'm feeling another top ten result myself, but that's just me."
Giving him a well-placed flick to the forehead, you say, "Don't let anything sharp near that inflated head of yours. Honestly, I'll just be satisfied to pass."
He gives the spot a rub and shrugs.
"Must be nice to have parents that don't fuss over your grades. Ah well, guess there's no sense in worryin' about it 'til next week anyways. In the meantime, how about we grab something to eat on the way home to celebrate? I'll buy."
"Sounds good to me. Besides, if I remember correctly, you still owe me a bowl of ramen."
Hayate grimaces.
"That was what? All the way back in April? How do you even…y'know what? Never mind. I'm serious this time. How about you, Mariko? You coming, too?"
"Ah…"
Her response is apprehensive and cagey.
"…Not today, sorry. My aunt wanted me to help out around the house this afternoon. Maybe we can meet up another day."
"All right, if you say so…" says Hayate as he watches her gather her things and leave. He gives you a puzzled look.
"Wonder what's up with her. Hasn't been herself since…you know…"
"…Yeah."
It's family stuff. None of your business. Mariko's resilient, she'll be okay.
"Let's get going."
It sounds more curt than you'd intended, but Hayate gets the point and follows you out of the room. Out in the hall, Koharu meets you at the top of the stairs. She sidles up to Hayate and grabs his hand, but quickly lets go once she notices you looking, her cheeks flushing a mortified pink. You're feeling like a bit of a third wheel, despite the occasion.
"S-So, wh-where are we going?" Koharu stammers, seemingly resisting the urge to take off at a full sprint out of the nearby window.
"Ramen, if that's okay with you, too," Hayate answers.
"Oh. Uh, sure then."
As you make your way downstairs, snippets of idle chatter slip past your ears. Finals have been everyone's primary concern lately, but with them out of the way, one topic seems to have a stranglehold on the student body's consciousness.
"Yeah, I finally got the notification on mine today. 'End of Service', huh?"
"Do you think it's because of what happened to Saito-senpai's family?"
"They fled the country, right?"
"I heard they were in deep with the yakuza…probably at the bottom of Tokyo Bay…"
"Y'know what? Good riddance. Saito always seemed kinda fake to me. People just sucked up to him 'cause he was rich."
"I'm still gonna miss G-Net, though…why can't they just make someone else CEO?"
The three of you exchange sidelong glances. If only they knew.
What a bastard he was.
"That reminds me," Hayate says suddenly, "d'you think Shibutani'll be able to come with? Or is he still busy?"
You answer with a shake of your head. Shibutani's taken charge of Student Council business in Souichiro's absence, and between that and preparing for college entrance exams, he's been a rare sight lately. A twinge of guilt tightens your chest at the thought of going out to enjoy your afternoon while he's stuck in hours of meetings, especially when it's your fault in the first place.
Souichiro's face, wide-eyed and bloody, passes before you. Your heart rate mounts, teeth digging into your bottom lip, and the taste of iron spreads across your tongue.
Hayate claps you on the back, startling you back into the present.
"It'll be alright. You know what he'd say anyways" - he puffs himself up into a surprisingly passable imitation of Shibutani - "'Worry not for me! Ensuring the wellbeing of the student body is satisfaction enough!' Or something like that."
You and Koharu lapse into a brief fit of snorting laughter. By the time it passes, you've forgotten what you were so worked up about.
"Yeah, that sounds about right," says Koharu. Her smile drops. "Wish Nisekao could've come, though. I mean, it's thanks to him that we're still here in the first place. Has he said when he's allowed to leave the hospital?"
Again, you can't say. You've tried texting him every day, but he hasn't returned any of your messages. Maybe he's still out cold. Or maybe he just doesn't have access to his phone yet. Either way, you'd just like to know that he's okay.
Koharu frowns when you tell her.
"Still nothing, huh? Well, maybe it's like what happened to me. They kept me there for a while, too."
Hayate cocks his head nonchalantly.
"He's a tough guy, I wouldn't be too worried about it. He'll be back before you know it, and then we can all celebrate properly together."
"I mean, sure, but it still sucks. It's almost time for the holidays, after all."
As you step through the front doors, a chill breeze brushes your cheeks and blows scattered snowflakes onto your upturned faces. Pulling your jackets tighter about yourselves to ward off winter's touch, you shuffle down the steps and past the gates, into the swiftly lengthening shadows of a city racing towards early nightfall. With your face swiftly reddening and the cold seeping through your clothes, the idea of a cramped ramen joint - warm and steamy and filled with the scents of simmering broth and spice - becomes extremely tempting indeed.
Fortunately, you've caught the restaurant right before the dinner rush, allowing you to snag three prime seats in the corner by the windows. The noodles themselves are freshly-made and piping hot, and before you know it, you and Hayate's bowls are empty, their contents filling your insides with a pleasant, contented warmth.
Koharu gives the both of you a judgmental stare.
"Jeez. Did you even taste that?"
Taking advantage of her distracted state, Hayate leans over and snags a slice of chashu from her bowl, slurping it up before she even has a chance to protest.
"Hey!"
Snapping her head around, she pinches Hayate by the ear and yanks on it playfully.
"That was mine, asshole! You want more, you order it yourself!"
A dopey smile spreads across Hayate's face, and he stops chewing.
"Fine, you can have it back," he mumbles around the mouthful of pork and pretends that he's about to spit it back out.
"Don't you dare," she gasps, and shoves her hands into his face while he makes fake puking noises. Some of the other patrons begin to stare.
"G-Guys…" you mutter with a flick of your eyes at the other diners. They stop immediately, red with embarrassment.
Now seems like the right time to bring up something that's been on your mind for a while.
"So, are you two, like, together again?"
Koharu promptly chokes on a lungful of broth.
"PFFFFF! I…I gotta run to the bathroom real quick," she sputters, darting towards the front of the restaurant with a hand clapped over her mouth. Hayate watches her abandon him with utter exasperation. Reluctantly, he turns to you and shrugs in concession.
"I guess so, huh?"
A pause fills the space between you. Taking off his shades and placing them in his front pocket, Hayate stares out the window, lost in thought.
Finally, he says, "Probably seems kinda weird, doesn't it? I've actually been doing a lotta thinking about why things didn't work out the first time around."
"Oh?"
"At first, I liked her because she was quiet, and cute, and always spent most of class reading manga behind her textbooks. Her drawings were incredible, too. But more than that, she always spent so much time by herself – kinda like me. I figured that if we were that similar, we were made for each other. So, I asked her out, she said yes, and…that's when I realized that I had no idea what to do.
"When we went on our first date, it felt like my mouth was numb. All we did was eat and try to make small talk, but even that was like pulling teeth. I realized that I barely knew anything about her, and she barely knew anything about me. I felt like such a loser, like I wasn't interesting enough for her. So, I tried to change. To be cooler, kinda hard-to-get, and…well, you know how that turned out."
"What d'you think is different now?"
He smiles, broad and warm.
"I stopped trying so hard. Nobody wants to be lonely, and the longer you're by yourself, the more desperately you wanna be close to someone – anyone. But relationships – romantic or not – don't just happen. And you sure as hell can't force someone to like you, either. Nah, what you need more than anything else is the courage to put yourself out there, your true self, and hope that someone accepts it…or at least tolerates it," he adds with a knowing wink.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that, in a way, I'm kinda grateful that all this stuff happened. If it wasn't for the Clouds, I might not have ever realized what an asshole I was being…or gotten the chance to really know people like you or Koharu. And that makes all the difference."
"Oh my God, listen to you!"
Back from the restroom, Koharu plops down in her seat, leering at Hayate.
"Did you practice that? Or maybe it's written on your hand?" she teases, leaning over to swipe at his palms. Hayate pushes her back playfully.
"What're you makin' fun of me for? I'm not the one who ran off to hide in the toilets."
"Yeah, yeah. I was just not ready to talk about this today," she mutters, shooting you a pointed glare. Then, her expression softens. "That said…you shouldn't just blame yourself for what happened."
"Oh really?" he says, resting his head in his hands and grinning from ear to ear. "All right then, I'm listening,"
Although she rolls her eyes, Koharu continues.
"Part of it was my fault, too. I know a lot of the stuff I like isn't exactly…normal, so being around other people has always sucked. It's hard to figure out what to say or do when you don't know if the other person is even going to care or not. That's why I like doujinshi and otome games so much – they made connecting with other people seem so much simpler.
"That's probably where I screwed up. I got so caught up in all these ideas of what I expected romance to be that I wasn't ready for someone just up and ask me out. I didn't know how to sound cute, or sexy, or even interesting without being given any dialogue choices. Just the thought of telling you what I did with my spare time made me want to shrivel up and die on the inside. So…I just stayed quiet, hoping that you'd take the lead. After all, that's what boys are supposed to do, right?"
Her gaze drops, and she studies the laces of her high tops for a bit.
"…I guess at some point, I tricked myself into thinking that the reason things weren't working out was because you didn't care about me enough. I started to believe that maybe it would've just been better if I hadn't said 'yes' to you in the first place. I pushed you away because I was scared."
Something about that strikes a chord with you. Before you met Mariko and discovered the Clouds, you were practically the same. You'd wanted to be accepted by others, but were too afraid of being rejected to try. It was simpler to keep to yourself and obsess over your music. It's difficult to recall what exactly you were afraid of – the harder you think, the more it hurts. However, you wonder bitterly if you would've changed at all if you hadn't become a Persona user. The thought gnaws at you until finally, you ask Koharu and Hayate what they think.
The two exchange troubled looks.
After a beat, Hayate says, "That's a, uh…a rough question. Do I think I would've changed on my own? Probably not. You guys were the ones who showed me that I was acting like a jackass."
Koharu tips her head towards Hayate. "And I would've spent the rest of my life hating your guts. I don't think we would've ever really gotten to know each other if we weren't forced to. Once I wasn't nervous around you any more, I realized that maybe we weren't totally wrong about each other in the first place."
For some reason, you expected an answer like that. It's one thing to know that you should be true to yourself, but another to have the courage to actually do it. For you and your friends, it took extraordinary circumstances to find that courage.
What hope would an ordinary person have?
Hayate leans in, noticing your pensive expression.
"Something up?"
You answer with a dismissive wave of your hand. If they're happy, there's no need to worry them with your concerns. All's well that ends well, right?
"Nah, I'm fine. I'm just glad you guys got things worked out. I've been having way fewer headaches lately," you joke.
After a few more rounds of ribbing, you notice the line near the front of the restaurant growing longer. Hayate leaves the money for the noodles on the counter, and the three of you part ways, trailing faint footsteps behind you as you crunch your way through a thin layer of fresh snowfall.
• • • • •
When you arrive home, the smell wafting in from the kitchen almost makes you wish you hadn't eaten out tonight.
"I'm home," you call out, and Mom pokes her head into the hall from the kitchen.
"There he is! You're a bit later than usual. Were you out with friends again?"
"Yeah, I already ate, sorry. Smells good in here, though," you apologize as you slide your shoes off by the door and leave your bag at the foot of the stairs. Glancing up again, you notice Dad lounging on the couch in the living room, half paying attention to the variety show on TV while he scrolls through something on his phone.
"Hey, you're home early," you remark. "Did you close up the restaurant already?"
He returns the greeting with a tired smile.
"Evening, bud. Yeah, business was slowing down tonight, so I let everyone leave an hour early. I might just keep doing it through the new year. Everyone wants to spend more time with their families this time of year, after all."
His eyebrows raise in sudden recollection, and he sets his phone down on the coffee table.
"Oh yeah, wasn't today your last day of exams? How'd you think you did?" he asks. In the kitchen, Mom rests her elbows on the counter and leans forward expectantly.
"We won't know until next week," you admit, "but I felt pretty confident about it."
Mom skitters around the counter and wraps you in a tight hug.
"Oh, I'm so happy to hear that, Tetsuo! You know me, I was never all that great of a student. Never did pass that bar exam."
"Coulda fooled me," says Dad. "I've never won a single argument against you. You'd have made a great lawyer."
Suddenly, an odd ringing sound faintly resonates in the back of your ears as though coming from somewhere far away, followed by a brief throbbing behind your eyes. However, a light shake of your head dispels it just as quickly as it arrives.
"I'm gonna head upstairs and practice for a bit," you tell your parents, nodding over your shoulder at your guitar. They let you go without another word.
The rest of the night is spent working on the last song you need to finish for Dad's album. Your fingers wander across the fretboard until the hour grows late, and the lights in the hall go out. The song's almost done, but it'll have to wait for another day. Besides, something's still missing from it - something important, but you can't quite put your finger on what it is. That too, will have to wait.
For the time being, you ease yourself into bed, wrapping your comforter tightly around you to keep the cold out, and drift easily into a dreamless sleep free of worries or cares.
