Chapter 8: An Evening with Trolls
"We'll camp here for tonight," Thorin declared as we rode up the hill. A destroyed home that must have been a small farm laid desiccated among the dips in the hills. "Fili, Kili, you'll be in charge of the horses and ponies tonight."
We all dismounted and started getting to work on preparing a fire and dinner for the evening, before it started getting dark. Thorin and Gandalf went off into the remains of the house to speak. I helped unload some food for the evening, but I would be with Dwalin and Bifur to go hunting, to see if we could catch any fresh meat for the night.
"Do you think it was a fire?" I asked Dwalin, pulling supplies off my pony.
"What?"
"Do you think it was a fire that destroyed that house?"
"Nah Lass, the rest of the area would be destroyed as well but the fences are still standing."
"Then what do you think it was?"
"Who knows? Wolves, orcs, bandits."
"Well could they still be in the area?"
"Probably."
I nodded, appreciating his honesty and bluntness. "Does wolf taste any good? You know, if we come across some while we're hunting."
Bifur said with emphasis, "No, they donot."
"Alright, alright. Just thought I'd ask."
Suddenly Gandalf went stomping past us, heading back into the forest while mumbling to himself bitterly.
"Gandalf? Is everything alright? Where are you going?" I called after him.
"To seek the company of the only one around here who's got any sense."
I looked around confused. "Who is that?"
"Myself, Miss Lydia! I've had enough of dwarves for one day!"
As he disappeared back into the trees I turned back to Dwalin and Bifur. "He'll be back though right?" They both shrugged their shoulders as if we hadn't lost one of the most powerful people from our party. "Well, for fuck's sake should I go after him?"
Bifur shook his head. "Leave him be. Let's go out hunting and I'm sure he'll be back soon enough. Looks like him and Thorin got into a tiff."
I looked over his shoulder to see Thorin fumming as he walked around our campsite. I wanted to know what they had gotten into that got them both so worked up, but with the look on his face I knew I wasn't going to be the person to get into the blast radius. Over the last few days of traveling I had seen the good and bad side of everyone in the company but I knew that Thorin's temper was one of the worst whenever he got to the boiling point. Normally he was so level headed but it seemed like all the dwarves were a handful once they got pissed off. Even sweet Ori got so close to saying a swear word the other day, but I think hell would freeze over before that actually happens.
"Everyone just needs something good to eat and then we'll all be in a better mood," I decided. I put my bow and quiver on my back. I could really use it too, usually a full stomach helped me sleep better amongst the snoring orchestra.
Bifur laughed, nearly spilling the stew out all over himself. "And then his ax was stuck too far up on the tree and he was jumping for it like a child!"
"Shove it Bifur!" Dwalin bellowed, preparing more bowls to go out to everyone.
"We had to throw Lydia up into the tree just so she could knock the thing down! Though, I would have been perfectly happy watching Dwalin keep trying to get it back."
"I swear I will smack you so hard that that bit of metal in your head will finally kill you, Toy Maker," he threatened.
"Play nice kiddos," I chuckled, carrying bowls around the fire and passing it out to eager hands. "We still got that wild boar no thanks toeitherof you. While you were off bickering like children I was taking down our dinner."
Bifur laughed, "Oh yeah, Little Miss Lydia Barclay was going to carry a dead boar all the way back to camp by herself. You heard it here first."
"I sure could, you Smug Bastard, that pig didn't compare to the drunk men I'd have to drag out onto the streets back at the Prancing Pony. I just made you do it because I didn't want to." I handed a bowl to Thorin with a smile. "If it weren't for me we'd have no meat in the stew and Dwalin would still be trying to get his ax out of that tree."
"Lydia, stop flirting with Thorin and bring these bowls to the lads."
My face heated up at the implication but I didn't miss a step. "If you'd rather I flirt with you Dwalin, I would be more than happy!" I went over and took the bowls from him. "The glow of the fire off of your shiny, hairless head sets me aflame!"
The dwarves around the fire roared in laughter.
"Get out of here before I throw you back into a tree and leave you there, Hobbit!"
I snickered and rushed off into the dark trees. Being away from the fire, I quickly cooled off and the night air chilled my nose and cheeks. I breathed in the fresh air and navigated in the dark until I came across Fili and Kili and the ponies.
They seemed to jump in fear as I approached, but looked relieved when they saw it was me.
"What's the matter Boys?" I asked, handing them their dinner.
Fili said, "We're supposed to be looking after the ponies."
"Yes?"
Kili said, "And there's sixteen of us."
"Yes, and?"
"There's fourteen ponies," they answered together.
I leaned around them and found that we were indeed short two ponies. "Oh, that is quite a problem isn't it. Thorin is going to kill both of you isn't he?"
"He won't kill Fili, he's his heir. He will kill me though," Kili nodded.
"Since you're the company's burglar and most certainly do not wish to see Kili perish, we were hoping you would look into this little issue for us."
"Why does it seem like this is going to be dangerous?"
Yes, yes it was going to become very dangerous. The three of us hunted through the forest, following the distant sound of voices and eventually we saw the light of a large campfire. As we got closer the sound of heavy footfalls was followed by the shaking of the earth under our feet. I could feel the vibrations come up through my feet and legs and into my spine. Whatever it was, it was big without a doubt.
"Trolls," Kili whispered.
"What?!" I whispered back. They rushed closer to the fire and I struggled to find the courage to follow them, but I did. They peaked over the log and I did the same.
There around the fire sit three of the largest creatures I had seen in my entire life! They had to be two or three times bigger than I was with pale, lumpy, leathery skin and ugly faces. I could smell them from where we hid, that's how horrendously they reeked. Tucked behind them was a small corral and there were the two missing ponies.
"They're going to eat them aren't they?"
"They most certainly can't, that's why you're here! They're just mountain trolls, they're big and slow and stupid so they wouldn't even be able to catch you. Come on, you're too small and fast," Fili pressed.
"Fuck that, that's your best plan? Just have me go in there and release them?"
"You've got this Lydia!" Fili pushed me out from our hiding place.
I froze and stared at the trolls for a long moment to make sure they didn't hear or see me. When they didn't seem to notice anything I took a shaky breath and shook my head.
Those two dwarf princes were trying to kill me. Perhaps if I was a bit smarter I would have just said 'no' to them and gone back to the group to inform the others. But I think a part of me wanted to only prove my usefulness further. Though, I was looking to prove it more to myself than to those in the company. If I could do this, I would not simply die on the road.
Though I did not consider that this incident could be me dying on the road.
I approached the fire close enough to hear them talking to each other. Their voices sounded like a very deep gargle, like their words had to travel through swamp water to come out of their grimy, smelly mouths.
One of them said, "I swear, if I don't get something else in my stomach other than mutton I'm going to lose my damn mind."
"Oh shut your trap, won't ya? In case you're as blind as you are stupid, these ain't sheep; these is West Nags!"
"I don't like horse, I never have," he complained. As I approached further I had full sight of them, tucked along the edge of the hill. "Not enough fat on them, taste worse than deer."
"Well, it's better than that skinny old farmer. All skin and bones, he was. It would have been better chewing on a piece of leather, still finding pointy bits of 'em in me teeth."
They continued to bicker back and forth as I crept closer and closer to where the ponies were being kept. I could feel my heartbeat in my ears and I kept my louder steps for when they raised their voices or scuffled with each other.
I got to the edge of the pen and checked my waist belt for a sword, knife, even the head of an arrow to cut through the rope that tied the pen shut. Of course, I had taken off all my weapons when I returned back from the hunt.
I said under my breath, "Shit," then started searching for what I could use to cut it. I quickly had to duck down though as one turned to look into the fenced area.
"Oye, when are we cookin' up the horses? I am starving!"
"Both of ya are getting on my nerves! I'll feed ya what I feed ya and if you have a problem with if you can choke on your stone tongues!"
The one who appeared to be the one cooking adjusted his belt and I spotted the glint of a large knife. I took a steadying breath and started approaching slowly.
"How come he's the cook? Everything tastes the same; everything tastes like chicken."
"Except the chicken," the other commented.
"Which tastes like fish!"
"The both of ya are gripping bastards, ungrateful bastards too. How 'ard is it to show a little appreciation for all me 'ard work! Damn!" He reached back and I jumped out of the way so he could grab the ladle. He used it to try a bit of the soup. "See? Now that is damn good, Lads! Here, here, try it yourself!"
While they passed around the ladle I snuck up to the knife on his belt. I held my breath because being this close to one of them was already making me extremely nauseous, which in a way was impressive since I prided myself on my strong stomach.
I started to slowly lift it from the belt, sweat dripping down my forehead and down the back of my neck from the heat of the fire. Every tiny bit I saw it move and lift made my heart pound harder and faster in my chest.
"My guts are so hungry they're gunna start eatin' themselves! Gimme your knife so I can-what the hell is that?!"
All three spun around and spotted me. I quickly tried to run off but they dove at me, their hands trying to wrap around me. Luckily I was definitely faster than them so I was able to spin and dodge and go in another direction. Still, all of them ganging up on me made it fucking hard to jump and run in time to miss their fingers and stomping feet!
"Don't let it get away!"
"No, no, let it get away!" I shouted, scurrying in between two of them.
I thought I was home free but I felt one of their hands connect with me. It felt like I got body slammed and I went flying across the ground, towards the fire. I skidded through the rocks and dirt until hitting a boulder with my back.
"Fuck," I groaned, trying to get back up onto my feet. One of them grabbed me and picked me up, making it impossible to move or escape.
"Whatis it?"
"Some sort of lady I think?"
"What are ya?" the one holding me asked, squeezing me to make me talk.
"A-A hobbit!" I gasped. "We're incredibly terrible tasting, so super boney. Just let me go and we can forget this silly incident!"
"It talks too much," one complained. "Though it would be nothing but a chewy mouthful."
"Well if there's one, there's gotta be more of 'em." It reached over and poked me in the face with its sharp and disgusting nail. "Aye, tell us where the others are around here. Bet all ya would be tasty in a pie."
"Hobbits are more solitary creatures, don't like company. Not known for getting along with others." I tried to wiggle around but couldn't move an inch.
"It's lying!"
"Am not!"
"Yes am!"
"Did your mothers never teach you to speak properly?"
"Throw it in the pot until it squeals!"
One of the trolls suddenly gave out a yell and tumbled backward into the trees and long grass. Kili emerged with his sword and shouted, "Drop her!"
The one holding me didn't seem that impressed. "Uh why would I do that?"
"I said drop her!"
The troll chuckled and held me over the boiling pot. "Drop her, aye?" He dangled me by two fingers and I could feel the heat licking at my feet. "I'll happily drop her, and you'll be dropped in right after!"
Suddenly the rest of the dwarves leapt out from the forest and jumped into the fight. I turned my head and bit as hard as I could into the tough skin of the troll, which the taste nearly made me scream and spew. It did get the creature to release me, though I wasn't hoping that it would throw me straight down into the ground.
I bounced and my head spun and flashed black for a moment before the pain set in. I had the air knocked out of my lungs for a moment so the world spun around me in a blur. I shut my eyes tightly for a few seconds and when I reopened them the entire area had turned into a full out battle. Everyone was hacking and slashing at the trolls, running around taking chunks out of them and dodging their retaliation. They all moved so fast, I hadn't expected it at all.
Luckily for me I found myself very close to the dropped knife I was trying to steal before so I knew what I could do to help.
I struggled up onto my feet and grabbed the knife, dragging it over to where the ponies were still being held. I ignored the pain all over my body and started sawing through the rope as quickly as I could manage.
"Come on, come on, come on!"
The rope eventually gave way and I ripped the gate open. I chased the ponies out and watched them run out into the dark where it would have been impossible to track them down, especially when they were all dealing with the dwarves. I knew we would be able to find them later since they were trained to come when called, so my main goal was just to get them as far away as possible so we could get out of there next.
Before I could do anything to join the fight, or run, or eventhinkof my next move I saw a troll's fist seemingly come out of nowhere. I felt the solid impact against my body and whatever I hit next, either the cliff or the ground I wasn't sure. I just know that I hit something with my head, heard a crack, and then everything went dark.
