Chapter Forty Two: The Open Door
Notes: This is a BIG chapter everyone! Lots of emotions in this one, buckle up!
Oliver was not pleased to see that I snuck my way back into the house. I used my old lock-picking skills and since he was already asleep when I got back, it was easy enough to find a spot on the couch to fall asleep.
I tried to talk to him about how amazing it was to see my siblings again, and update him on the state that Eerin was in, but he entirely ignored me and went off to his usual business per usual. He acted as if the fight never happened. After all, we had made the same arguments and threats a million times over our marriage with each other, that time was certainly no different in his eyes.
The following months I did as I promised, I would go into town and get food for Eerin and Lydia. Sometimes if I had time I would make them dinner as well and leave it at the front door. Sometimes I got to speak with Lydia, but I never saw Eerin.
When I got to spend time with Lydia I asked her all about her travels, and she would tell me stories here and there but I could tell that some stories really hurt for her to tell. Anything around this Thorin character seemed to sting her deeply. I would see sparks of the Lydia I knew while growing up as she told some of the stories, but then she would return to this half empty persona. I didn't want to push her though, I didn't know what it felt like to lose someone I loved like that. I loved our parents and I hurt like the rest of our family, but I was not…altered the way Lydia seemed to be.
We had a routine like that for a few months, maybe getting to speak with Lydia every few weeks. Oliver didn't seem to notice me going off and buying food, which seemed better that he didn't ask questions. When it came time to harvest my garden, I dropped food off for Eerin and Lydia, but also made the trip to give some to my other siblings as well. I got to see everyone except Beren since he had seemed to disappear again.
Then, one day I arrived at the family house and the front door was open…
My stomach dropped and I nearly dropped my basket. I stared at the door for what felt like forever, feeling the air get thick in my lungs.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I raised my voice and said, "Lydia, can I come inside now?"
There was a long drag of silence before I heard movement inside. She appeared in the doorway, her eyes looking sunken and red. Her nose was bright and her skin pale. Without saying a word, I understood what had happened.
"Want me to make some dinner?" I asked.
She nodded and moved to the side, allowing me in. I looked around and saw that the entire place had been cleaned from floor to ceiling.
Her hoarse voice said, "I had to try and disinfect everything. This has been an exhausting week…"
"Sit down, I can take care of everything."
Lydia nearly fell into one of the chairs at the dining room table and she sighed, leaning her head back and closing her dark eyes.
I looked among the pots and pans, deciding what I wanted to make for us. "So is everything like…done?"
"Yes, he's buried next to mom and dad."
"I'm sorry you had to do that by yourself."
She was silent in response.
I began making chicken and barley soup with some fresh tomatoes and onions from my garden. I talked about the harvest this year, mostly just filling the silence. Lydia gave me little reactions except nodding her head or humming. It felt nice to talk to someone about it since Oliver gave me no recognition for my hard work and passion.
"Do you remember the dinner rolls Mom would make? With the salted butter?"
Lydia groaned at the thought. "They never actually made it to dinner, we would snatch them as soon as they came out of the oven."
"She would get so mad at us," I chuckled, lifting the pot onto the hook over the fire. "I've tried making them a million times and have never gotten them right."
"When did you become so domestic, Gen?"
"Domestic only in cooking and gardening, let me promise you that." I wiped my hands on my skirts and sat down across from her at the table. "I think my husband would love to tell you all about how un-domestic I am."
"We were never meant to be like Elyssa and Rose."
"You can say that again. Although if I were to pull myself together it would be for a couple of kids of my own."
"Is that something you wanted?" she asked, tilting her head to look at me.
I shrugged my shoulders. "Maybe for a while, since I was so lonely with it just being Oliver and I. But then I realized that was a cruel reason to bring life into the world. Maybe if he kicks the bucket and I find someone I truly care about I would consider it, but I also think I'm done with hobbit men. They are dreadful."
She chuckled and closed her eyes again, shifting herself back further into the chair. "A hobbit man would never be able to handle you, Gen. It's why I had myself a dwarf for a while. For a little while…"
My big sister looked so tired with the bags under her eyes looking so heavy. I ask, "Are you feeling alright? You're not feeling…like Eerin right?"
"I'm just exhausted, Gen."
"Just making sure."
I finished making dinner for the two of us and we continued to converse lightly while we ate. I reassured her that I would still stop by frequently with food and for us to spend time together, if she planned on staying for a while. She didn't know where else she would go, so she agreed that she'd like for me to still come back as often as I could. Afterwards Lydia went right to bed while I cleaned up the kitchen.
It felt so surreal to be in the house while it was quiet. I had grown up never knowing a moment of silence in these walls. There was always yelling or cooking or snoring, but now it was nearly silent. Knowing the house would never be like that ever again, it made me a little sad. Times were not perfect back then, but there were certainly things I knew I would never be able to experience again in this house and with my family.
I just knew I needed to stick with Lydia. I was not going to allow her to be alone in that house all the time.
In the silent hours in the house, I decided to finally bow my head and allow myself to mourn Eerin. It finally seeped through my skin and down into my bones as I sat across from his chair in the living room.
A few days had passed after the last time I had been at the family house and I had already made plans to return. I waited impatiently that morning for Oliver to leave while I was harvesting more items from my garden. Once he was gone, I rushed inside to clean off the vegetables before heading over once again.
While walking over that day I began to wonder why I even bothered going back to Oliver at that point. Most of the food I was providing was coming directly from my garden, so it was not like I was using him for his money. I just wanted to be done with him and I was sure he felt the same way about me as well.
I took a relieved breath as I spotted the house among the trees. The hobbit hole itself didn't feel like home, but being with my sister did.
I pushed open the door and shouted, "Lydia! I'm back!" I set down the food in the kitchen and looked around for her. "Lydia?"
Her voice came from the girls' old room. I removed my clock and threw it on a chair as I hurried to see her. When I entered the room, I saw her curled up on one of the hay mattresses. She looked up at me tiredly and I could hear how labored her breathing was.
"You're sick, aren't you?" I asked, kneeling down next to her.
She nodded slowly, seeming to have a difficult time even keeping her eyes open.
I pressed the back of my hand to her forehead. "Well you don't have a fever. What do you have then?"
Lydia looked at me for a long moment before clearing her throat. "I'm not sure, probably just exhausted. Maybe dealing with some repercussions from not taking care of myself very well for the last month or so."
"Jeez, just because you were trying to help Eerin, that didn't mean you had to neglect yourself so much."
"Trust me, I've been trying to catch up on my sleep plenty since what happened to Eerin." Her expression grew darker but she attempted to move on from the thought. "I am getting hungry though, did you bring something for dinner?"
I nodded and pointed back to the kitchen. "How does corn chowder sound?"
"Anything sounds amazing when I know I won't be ruining it." She smiled up at me. "You need to make sure to keep your distance from me though. You don't need to catch whatever I have, in case it's contagious."
I nodded and took a step back. My stomach was tight, wondering if she was downplaying how sick she was. After all, we did just lose our brother, but I was too scared to ask the question in my mind. She had to know I was thinking what I was, and it was worse that she didn't acknowledge it. I refused to let the question leave my lips.
"I'll get to making some food for us then. You go ahead and get another nap in while I fix up that chowder for us, hm?"
"Sounds like the best plan I've heard in a while." She shifted a bit, her eyelids happily closing again. "Thank you Gen."
"Don't mention it."
I let Lydia go back to sleep and went back to the kitchen to start making dinner. The chill in my spine did not leave me for a moment.
I got into the routine of returning to the house everyday to check in on Lydia and to help with things around the house while she was feeling sick. I was spending less and less time at my husband's home and some days it seemed like I only returned to get some harvests from the garden. I never heard anything from Oliver about him taking issue with it.
Perhaps in other circumstances I may have mourned that shit show of a marriage, but I was entirely focused on being there for Lydia. I didn't need time to move on from Oliver when I really put in as much effort as he did, which wasn't that much at all.
About a week after I found out Lydia was sick, I found a couple of men wandering up to the family home the same time I was. I tried to stay out of their sight, not recognizing them from afar. I tried to listen to hear if they were lost but it seemed like they certainly knew which direction they were headed. The one who seemed to be leading the way was old and incredibly tall, and certainly looked familiar to me as I drew closer to them. I had no clue who the fellow was with him since he was hidden under a dark cloak. We were nearly at the front door when it dawned down on me, realizing why the one looked so familiar.
I stepped out from the forest and called over to the tall man, "Gandalf the Gray, is that really you?"
He turned, stopping him and his friend in their tracks. His eyes landed on me and he smiled in surprise. "Mrs. Genevive, I did not expect to see you out here away from Hobbiton. Do you live here now?"
"Sort of, it's kind of a long story. What in the world are you doing out here?" I asked, trying to get a look at the man with Gandalf who was covering himself in a cloak.
"We were hoping to find anyone from your family actually…we wished to deliver news about your sister."
I furrowed my eyebrows at them. "My sister? Which one could you possibly have information about that I don't know?"
Gandalf and his companion exchanged a glance as we continued our walk up to the door. He said, "I know you and Lydia did not always get along but certainly you must have noticed she has been gone for quite a long time at this point."
I stood in front of them and tilted my head. "I am aware that she left on some grand journey, but I am also aware that she came back some time ago."
The man with Gandalf said, "What?! You mean to say she is alive?"
"Yes Sir…why did you both come out here?"
Gandalf said breathlessly, "When we did not find her after the battle we were sure she had died! But she made it all the way back here…"
"Please tell us where we can find her!" the man pleaded.
"I'm sure you can understand why I wouldn't be keen on sharing that information if I don't know you," I said defensively.
He did not hesitate to pull back the hood of his cloak, showing his dwarvish features. His dark hair with streaks of silver complimented his piercing blue eyes. "Mrs. Genevive, I am King Thorin Oakenshield of Erebor. I will give you whatever you wish if you allow me to see Lydia, I can not even begin to explain how much I need to see her."
My eyes grew, recognizing the name in an instant. My heart started thumping so hard it made my head feel light. "Y-You're Thorin? But Lydia said you were dead…"
"I was by all accounts, but Gandalf here once again worked his magic to bring me back. Please, my lady, do you know where I can find her?"
"She's here," I admitted, pressing my back to the door. "She's been very sick since our brother died. But please come in, I know there's no one else living or dead she would want to see more than you, your majesty."
