tw: flashbacks


"I want to do another lap."

She's huffing, her legs shaking underneath her, but she fixes Shane with an unwavering look.

"I'm out of the ICU. I want to go home. If doing another lap gets me there quicker, then I can handle it."

Tan is standing directly to her left, and when he's done texting Bonnie, he slips his phone into his back pocket and sighs at the both of them, addressing Shane first.

"She's not worth arguing with, because you won't win."

And then turning his attention to Chris.

"But you need to be careful. You're not doing yourself any favors by pushing too hard, too fast."

His words flip something in her like a switch.

She's no longer in the hospital hallway, but the cement box that was the basement. Her vision has the same hazy edges, and the air has the same chill. The cuffs are tight around her wrists, but something is wrong.

Vaguely, like it's from outside in the hallway, she hears people saying her name, Chris, over and over, but that can't be right. Huevo only ever called her Christina, and his men didn't even see that as necessary. Someone's hands are on her shoulders, but that's wrong because she's dangling from her wrists, and then they're guiding her down into a chair, which definitely didn't happen if the bruising down her side is real.

She feels something cool and crackly under her hands, like leather. The voices are becoming clearer, the image getting distorted like it's underwater and floating away from her.

"Chris?"

"What?" She breathes out, blinking her eyes open. Tan is kneeling in front of her, concern in his eyes, and when she looks around she sees they're no longer in the hallway.

"Chris, are you okay? We lost you there. Let me get Street." His thumb taps annoyingly against the side of the wheelchair she's sitting in, and she bites the inside of her cheek as she finishes coming back into her body.

"No, don't. I'm fine." She bites, but Tan isn't convinced. The dark circles under her eyes blend into the fading bruises, her usually-tan skin is still pallor, and her nail beds are red from being picked at. Tan looks her up and down, trying to make sure his look conveys sympathy and not pity.

"You don't have to—"

"I'm fine!" She cuts him off, voice sharper than he's heard in a while. Between the chair and him, she feels boxed in, and pushes lightly at his shoulder to get him to back up. He moves to help her stand but she waves him off, grabbing at the IV pole and pulling herself to her feet, her other arm crossing over her torso.

"Where's Shane?"

"Chris," she scoffs, cutting him off again.

"You said yourself that fighting with me isn't worth it. Either you can go get him, or I can and you can sit with Street outside, but I'm doing another lap." Jaw clenched and lips in a tight line, Tan nods and walks to the nurse's station.

Her legs are shaking from the effort once they return to her room, but the sense of accomplishment is worth it. The calendar by her bed tells her it's been 10 days since they found her, half of which she was knocked out for. Despite everyone's best efforts to make her comfortable, she wants to go home. To shower in her shower and sleep in her bed and not be the center of attention in a room for ten seconds.

"You'll be out of here soon." Tan comments, unprompted, like he can read her mind. His ability to read her so well would annoy her if it wasn't a shared trait between the two of them. She hums.

"Deac said you guys were getting my apartment fixed up? Thank you."

"Of course. We weren't sure where you'd want to go, but wanted it to be available just in case."

She nods, jaw set.

"I want to go home."

Tan gives her a small smile and squeezes her hand.

"You will."


By the time the rest of the team returns, Chris has just finished dinner and her eyes are sliding shut. They sit around and talk about the day's case, but Tan is uncharacteristically quiet. Luca is the first to take notice, asking if everything is okay.

"I'm worried about her."

The conversation grinds to a halt as Tan's words settle. Like normal, Street is sitting right beside her, running a hand through her hair every few minutes, but he looks up from her with a furrowed brow. Deacon gets the question out first.

"Did something happen?"

Tan leans forward on his knees, anxiety crackling between them as the five men look at each other. He looks like he's unsure of finishing what he's started, but Luca nods at him, and Street looks like the sky could fall at any minute, so he takes a deep breath.

"During her PT today. I said something, and then she just blanked. She was panicking and muttering to herself, and when she came out of it, she snapped that she was fine and she wanted to keep going."

"Flashbacks." Hondo says firmly. The others nod their assent, their eyes falling to Street.

He exhales and wipes at the bags under his eyes before looking back down at her, an unconscious smile coming to his face at the sight of her.

"Last night, she didn't sleep well. Nightmares. She told me what she could about it, but this morning, she didn't bring it up. She just wants to move on, and I can't blame her."

His thumb runs over hers absentmindedly, taking comfort in the repetitive motion as the team takes in everything he's told them. She looks more at ease now than she has in a while, but he has a sinking feeling there's an expiration date on that.

"So how do we help?" Luca pipes up. He stands and starts to pace along the short length of the room, hands clasped together in front of his face. Five more minutes pass with no answers, and then Deacon speaks again.

"People have come after all of us, too, before. Remember what you wanted someone to say or do for you, and do that. We ask her. We trust her to tell us what we need to know, and we're here for anything else she needs. She's our team member, our family, exact same as before. We don't let that change."

Like a true leader, all of their fears ease at his words. Not all the way, but enough to breathe a little easier, feel a little more in control of the situation that has rocked them so hard.

"Not many people would have survived what she did." Luca adds. He meets Street's eyes and sees unshed tears, giving the younger man a gentle smile.

"And fewer would be keeping their head on as straight as she is right now." Street looks at her proudly. He swallows back his tears and sits up straight.

"She'd hate us talking about her. Have you heard anything from the DA?"

Hondo shakes his head, checking his phone as if an email will magically appear.

"It's still early. We're working with Cortez and her division to iron out what they know and what all the charges will be to keep them all behind bars for as long as we can. It'll be a while yet."

The side of Street's mouth quirks up, not pleased, but knowing there's nothing else he can do to make things move any faster.

"How's her apartment coming?"

"Almost done," Tan says. "A few more coats of paint and it should be good as new."

They sit for another hour, chatting idly. At quarter till nine, Stephanie walks in and gives them a smile. She makes notes in Chris's chart and then pushes a small syringe of clear fluid into one of her IVs before seeing herself out. They share a look, wondering how she'll be in the morning, in general.

"You want us to stay tonight, Street?" Hondo asks.

"No, it's okay. If anything happens that you guys need to know or get here for, I'll call."

They leave and silence falls. The only sound is her breathing and a low, steady beeping that eventually lulls Street to sleep.


"Helena, I'm fine, really." Chris's frustrated tone pouring into the hallway catches Deacon's attention as he approaches her room.

He knocks on the wall lightly to let her know he's there, not missing the small jump she does before smiling at him. Her focus falls back to the phone and she rolls her eyes.

"There's really no reason for you to come home. I'll be out of here soon and you've all worked too hard to come home now that you can finally enjoy yourselves. Deac's here, so I've gotta go, but promise me you'll drop it?" She gestures Deacon in as her Aunt relents, and then her family yells their love through the phone, making her smile.

"I love you guys, too. Yes, I'll tell them. Okay, love you, bye."

The call ends and Chris lays her head back on the pillow, closing her eyes as a headache starts to pinch between her eyebrows. Deacon is quiet next to her and is smiling at her when she opens them.

"They're just worried about you." He placates. Before Chris can answer, he roots around in his bag and hands her a small container with a post-it note on it.

We love and miss you! Xo Annie, Lila, Matthew, Samuel, and Tori.

She smiles. Pulling the post-it off, she sticks it to the nightstand and then pops off the lid. Her jaw drops when she sees what's inside, Deacon chuckling.

"The kids wanted to do something special for you. Annie was more than happy to oblige. Your favorite, everyone's favorite, kitchen sink cookies."

It's heaven in Chris's mouth. A taste so comforting that for a second reality fades away, and it's softer somehow when she comes back. She gives half of the treat to Deacon and sets the container down.

"Thank you. I can't wait to see them when I get out of here. When I don't look like I got the shit beat out of me."

Deacon grimaces, but ignores the comment in favor of trying to stay positive.

"Trust me, they can't wait either. How're you feeling today?"

The question causes her to freeze, just for a moment. Recovering, she takes a deep breath and shrugs, looking around the room and then meeting his eyes.

"Fine, I guess. Ready to go home."

He nods in understanding and squeezes her hand.

"Where have I heard that before? You will soon, it's only Tuesday. The nurses told me your PT reports look great. And it's good news you were able to send Street to get some of your own clothes." His attempt to lighten the mood falls flat when she shrugs again.

"Perks of SWAT training. It doesn't matter. Hicks came by and told me mandatory four weeks off after my physical clearance, which will be like a month after I'm discharged."

Deacon's lips are in a line. He twiddles his thumbs as he tries to think of anything to say, but he knows Chris and what happened well enough to know there isn't anything. She elbows him a minute later, grinning.

"I talked him into letting me come in twice a week to work with K9s. It'll be good, give me something to do to keep me from going stir-crazy."

He can't help from leaning over to give her a hug.

"That's great, Chris! It'll be good to see you back at HQ."

"Yeah," she agrees. "I'm glad everyone's back on. I appreciate everyone being here, but I know it's a lot."

"No, it isn't." He says quickly. "The only thing you need to do now is recover, and we'll be here as much as you want or need us to be."

"I appreciate it. And everything else you guys have done. Taking care of Street while I was gone."

Tears line her eyes and she looks away from him. He takes her hand, holding it until she relents, and she sees wetness in his eyes, too.

"Of course. You mean the world to all of us, Chris. We were going to do whatever it took to bring you home."


hey all! thanks for reading, i hope you enjoyed this update!

good news: i'm planning to update again relatively soon. this is one of those fics that i think isn't going well until i leave it alone for like month and reread and realize there actually is a comprehensible plot- who knew! so that said, i really appreciate everyone's patience and kind words.

any unfinished tumblr prompts are now wips, hopefully to also be materialized soon.

until next time, xo, A