Chapter 1.

19th Day of Early Winter 768 n.c.

I watched the butterflies flutter around in a complex dance through the kitchen window. It was still cold outside, and the days were still getting shorter but the Winter's Heart butterflies were always out and about this time of year. They were named after the flower that their arrival heralded, my most favourite flower. First came the Winter's Heart butterflies during the first tenday of Early Winter, with their ice blue streaks on white wings, then came the Winter's Heart flowers breaking through the ground at the same time. Then, the day after the Long Night the flowers would bloom. White flowers with ice blue streaks, just like the butterflies wings. Their smell was very sharp and a well known remedy for the blocked noses that always seemed to come around at that time of year. Beyond them, I could see my father and younger brothers tilling the fields, getting them ready to plant a crop of barley. The ground was hard and almost frozen, it was a difficult time to do the chore, but the ground needed to be ready for the seeds to be planted the day before the Long Night as tradition dictated. My Father was walking behind the horse drawn plow, reins in hand. Jocam, at 11 was assisting my father with the plow while Jara and Daavid were running around in the field playing at sword fighting and generally trying (often unsuccessfully) to stay out of the way of the horse. Their shouts were loud and were the only sound to find its way into the house from outside. I allowed my mind to wander even as I kept my hands busy peeling vegetables. The noise of the kitchen around me faded, my mother cutting the meat and my two younger sisters trying to beat each other out the door to pick the herbs. Everything grew dark and fuzzy, as if the afternoon sun had set. Out past the fields, the forest grew sharp and clear. A light grew out from the deep dark, rising and sending the shadows of tree trunks arching out and down towards our farmhouse like thousands of dark shadowy arms stretching towards me. I stood, transfixed in my own mind. The light grew blinding, like a miniature sun shining in the forest until it began to change. Slowly darkness formed in the middle of the light, a line splitting the sun in half. No, the shadow of a person standing in front of the light. The sun and the person got bigger in my vision, as If I had used Papa's telescope to look at it. The figure became clearer, less fuzzy and the light seemed to dim. It appeared female, her curves, long hair and the shape of a dress were obvious. I couldn't make out any details, everything about her was pitch black. She stood straight, arms at her sides. It felt like an eternity, just standing there looking at this woman in the forest, before sound slowly began to register again.

"Sharein… Sharein… Sharein." came a voice. There was a short delay before "Shar!", my mother shouted.

Colour returned to the world as I was sucked back into my body and my vision returned to normal. I turned my head towards my mother.

"Girl, I've been calling you for an age!" My mother exclaimed pointing down at my hands with her knife, "You've cut yourself."

I looked down at my hands. The potato I was peeling was bright red with the blood that was pouring from my thumb. A large gash rent through the entire length of it and right down to my wrist, deep inside I could see the white of bone near my knuckle. I dropped the potato and knife as pain suddenly blossomed in my hand, as if the cut hadn't actually occurred until the moment I saw it for myself.

"How bad?" my mother asked and I looked up at her, ashen faced. She had moved from her bench to stand right beside me and I hadn't even noticed. "Hold it tight." she said as she rushed off. I nodded at her retreating form.

She was back quickly with a bottle of Papa's rum, a piece of leather and a sewing needle and thread. I knew what was coming. Mama had told me to fetch those exact things the time my youngest brother Jera cut his leg on the plowshear. I had helped mum to hold him down. There was nobody here to hold me down. Mama uncorked the bottle with her mouth, spitting the cork onto the table next to my vegetable scraps.

"Hold out your hand." she said, and I held it out over the table. She poured some of the rum onto my hand and I had never ever felt a pain worse. While I was trying to cope with the newly increased agony she held the bottle up to my lips and tipped it up.

"Drink." she said simply.

I took a small sip like I did every year at Long Night when Papa would hand the bottle to each of us kids.

"A sip of warmth to get you through the coldest night." he would say. We would always answer with "All hail the light.", once we finished coughing.

Mama took a look at my hand, then looked me in the eyes.

"No love." she said, kindly but firmly, "Drink it all."

Eyes wide, I gave her a nod of understanding. I allowed the warm liquid to go down, swallowing, swallowing, pausing once to get my breath. My belly filled up with warmth and my throat burned all the way down.

"It will take too long to work, love," Mama said, "So I'm going to have to get started straight away. Put the leather in your mouth and bite down hard. I opened my mouth so that she could put the leather strap in there and nodded to her, holding my hand out straight. Arm slightly shaking at the anticipation of the pain to come.

I felt it all, for only a few moments. When the needle pierced my flesh, when the piece of thread pulled through the hole, when mama pulled it tight to join the two pieces of flesh. The pain was unbearable, so did the only thing I could, even though I didn't know that I could. I took myself away, so that I didn't have to bear it. I looked out the window, towards the forest and once again everything around me went dark. I must have spent only a few minutes looking out at the woman in the forest, but again it felt like an eternity.

When all the colour returned, and I could move again, I turned my head to see Mama looking at me with an expression I had never seen before. She wasn't saying anything, just looking at me. A noise from the other direction drew my attention and I saw Illith and Kara, my two little sisters sitting on the bench staring at me, open mouthed the bunch of Wintermint forgotten next to them. Confused, I looked back to my mother.

"You stopped bleeding Shar. You stopped bleeding and the strap fell out of your mouth and you weren't screaming or crying or anything. You weren't anything Shar." Mama said in a hurry, the words spilling out of her mouth. "You were just staring out there. Smiling. I thought… I thought."

I looked down at my thumb as Mama broke into tears, stitches went all the way up joining my flesh back together. A dull ache returned the moment I saw it, similar but different to when I first noticed the injury. It was muted somehow. I reached out to touch her on the back, to bring her close and hold her.

"It's okay Mama, It's okay." I said "I'm okay." I heard my sisters hop down from the bench. I felt one attach herself to my leg to give me a hug and I knew that the other would be doing the same to Mama. We all cried together. The warmth of our group hug crept up on me and when the hug broke apart Mother drew attention to my flushed cheeks.

"You'd better hop into bed Sharein. You've just drunk more liquor in one moment than I ever had in one sitting and your father too." Mother said, "You'll have a headache in the morning, but it might take your attention away from your hand.

I did as instructed, protesting a little on the way that I'd be leaving mother all alone to cook dinner. Mother laughed at me, asking me "How do you think I cooked dinner before you came along?" I had never thought about that. The rest of the trip to bed was spent pondering that revelation. When Mama tucked me in, I asked her why there was two of her, but she just laughed and kissed me on the forehead in lieu of an answer.

I woke up the next morning from an odd dream, I was standing naked in the middle of a forest in the dark dancing in the moonlight. Between each of the trees in the clearing hung a bobbing Wil'o'whisp, a creature that legends say are the Servants of Luna the Moon Goddess. Although strictly speaking it went against the teachings of the Church, father always taught us that they were trickster spirits who could just as easily give you a path out of a dark place as to give you a path into one. I stopped dancing once I realised that I was not alone. A woman was standing suddenly next to me, as naked as I was. She was a bit taller than me, with long black hair just like mine and a slim figure. Her breasts were smallish and pert, and she had a thatch of black soft hair between her legs. I felt inadequate in comparison to her beauty. I was short for my age and just as slim as her, without hair down there and my own breasts were only starting to develop. Her skin was pale, her eyes were the striking icy blue of a Winters Heart. Her face was free of wrinkles or lines, appearing to be only a few years older than me. She was beautiful, she was perfect. She held her hands out to me and I took them, and together we danced in the clearing. Around and around, and never once did her eyes leave mine.

Waking drew me from this dream into a pounding headache and an equally painful throbbing in my hand, which made me discard any internal ponderings over the meaning of my dream. My mouth was dry and my stomach was churning. I felt terrible. I sat up okay, but when I tried to lift myself up I had to adjust a bit to compensate for an arm that was almost useless. My hand was an angry red and purple colour around the cut and stitches. I looked across to my sisters' empty beds and realised that I had slept in as I was usually awake before them. I stumbled outside to the outhouse and sat down to relieve myself. No sooner had I finished that I had to turn around empty my stomach into the hole as well. I hated being sick, and being sick and in pain was twice as bad. I checked the bath house next to the outhouse, a similar structure in size where we could clean ourselves off and was grateful to see that someone had drawn a bucket of water from the well already. I didn't want to wait for water to warm up over the fire for a proper bath, that I probably wouldn't be able to carry anyway. I wanted to wash off the strange smelling sweat and the blood on my hand. I took off the nightgown that I couldn't remember changing into and prepared myself mentally for the shock. It was the last tenday of Early Winter and whilst it wasn't as cold as it was going to get, it was close. The water washed over me, immediately chilling me to the bone. Goosebumps popped up all over and I shivered involuntarily. I picked up the bar of soap from the wooden shelf next to me and scrubbed myself down as well as I could, then used the remainder of the water to wash off the soap. Quickly I put back on my nightgown and hurried back into the warmth of the house. Crouching down in front of the roaring fire, I let the warmth flow over me, drying my wet nightgown. I had to rotate around and adjust my position a few times to make sure I, and my hair dried properly. I heard the front door open and close and watched my mother come into the kitchen as I sat myself down at the kitchen table.

"How is your hand?" She asked, as she sat down opposite me.

"Sore," I replied, looking down at the offending part. The throbbing had abated while I washed in the cold water, but had returned upon reheating.

"How is your head?" She followed with a small smile.

I frowned and attempted to muster my most pitiful look, "I'm not sure which is hurting more."

She stood up and enveloped me in a hug, a hug that almost made me forget the pain. She rubbed my back twice and stepped back, one hand coming up to cup the side of my face.

"My poor darling." She sympathised, "There's a pot of broth that's still warm and some fresh bread and butter. You'll feel a bit better with some food in your tummy."

She busied herself getting the food ready for me, and I realised with a start that my sisters weren't nearby.

"Where are Illith and Kara?" I asked Mama.

She smiled over her shoulder at me, "Your father took all the rest of the kids out early to give you a rest. He'll stop in at Torvin's Store for some seeds. We have barley from the last harvest, but he thought that he might try some long-grain this year as well. Once you're ready we'll travel in to church with the Meadowbroek's to meet up with them."

Being a tenday, this meant that we would have to make the journey into Easthaven to go to church. This happened every tenday, unless you were really sick or injured. We usually travelled in with my friend Mari's family (theirs being the nearest farm to us) and I couldn't wait to talk to her. Whilst I was a bit wary of disclosing what had happened the previous day with my vision, I really wanted to go out and look into the forest with her, look for the woman I kept seeing in the light. Although the two incidents were a bit disconcerting, the feeling I had when I saw her was indescribable. I felt warm and safe, but anxious and apprehensive all at the same time. The forest was forbidden, nobody entered it. Father Mattias, claimed that it was the home of a 'great evil', darkness so foul that the light couldn't scour it away. I thought that I might be able to convince Mari though, if I put it to her the right way.

Mama brought the broth and buttered bread over to me on a wooden serving board and I thanked her as she sat down to watch me eat.

The broth was thin, but delicious, the bread though sat very heavily in my empty stomach.

"You will need to be very careful with that hand." Mama said, "When we get into town I'll ask Sister Tera to take a look at it."

I nodded in agreement and flexed my hand a little, wincing at the increase in pain.

"I'll talk to Father Mattias about yesterday as well." she added a bit softer, looking at me with concern.

"Yes Mother."

Once I had finished, Mama took the serving board away and urged me to go and get ready, "They will be here shortly."

I thanked Mama again and went into my room to get changed. Church meant getting dressed up, so once I had swapped my nightgown for my better dress I spent a few minutes brushing the knots out of my long black hair. Once done, I tied it back with a piece of green ribbon mother gave me last Name Day. I was reminded with a start how close it was to our next.

Name Day was coming up in a tenday from tomorrow, the first day of Deep Winter, the day when everyone became a year older. It would be my thirteenth Name Day. I would be old enough to be away from my mother by myself and I couldn't wait. Mari had her thirteenth name day last year, so I had seen a lot more of her in the past year than previously. While she could come over to visit me I wasn't able to visit her unless Mother went to visit also, but that meant bringing my two little sisters as well. What a pain! But once I'd had my thirteenth Name Day, I'd be able to go and visit her, or go anywhere by myself without getting into trouble. Of course, it probably wouldn't be for long. Not long after name-day comes the long night where all the single boys and girls older than seventeen would spend the night dancing.

It's only once you stay for your first long night dance that you are able to 'walk out' with a boy. Mama loves to repeat the story about how she met a seventeen year old Papa at her first long night dance and they were tied together a year later. A year after that, I was born.

Mari will probably walk out with a boy at her first, it's all she's been talking about this year. As much as I know it will probably happen, I can't help but wish that she'd never find a boy to walk out with. It's been fantastic having her around here the past year. I've still had to help mum do the cleaning and dishes, but I was able to head out into the hills with Mari in between. We'd go for long walks on the outskirts of the forest (it was too dangerous to go into the forest, but if we stayed in sight of the house it was okay). We would talk about what we wanted to do once we were grown up. Mari would talk endlessly about boys and I would talk about going out to see the world. I wanted to explore or travel, I was sick of hearing news of the world from the merchant caravans, I wanted to see it all.

Once I was presentable, I went back out to the kitchen to help Mama move the screen in front of the fireplace. It was a bulky metal thing that was designed to prevent logs from rolling out and setting fire to the house. As we would be having to make the journey into Easthaven, in Winter, we needed a roaring fire before we left. Once done, we headed out to the stable to get Aloise horse ready for riding. Aloise Horse was a bit of a joke in our family and neighbours, we got both a stallion and a mare a few years ago when I was about six. Papa had told me that he intended to breed them and I had just learned what Mama and Papa's names were… So when they asked me what I wanted to call them, I proudly decreed that they would be named Jared and Aloise. Papa laughed the loudest I think I had ever heard him laugh and told me that people might get a bit confused if both Papa and Mama and the horses shared names.

"Nah uh.", I am told I replied, "That's what surnames are for! Jared Horse and Aloise Horse."

I could not be dissuaded and thus we were now saddling up Aloise horse for the ride into town. We rode out to the farm gate, me in front holding the reigns and Mama behind me and waited for the Meadowbroeks to come into sight.

We weren't waiting long before their cart rose over the hill, we waited patiently for them to make their way up to us. Master and Missus Meadowbroek were about the same age as Mother and Father, but they only had three children. Mari was the eldest with twin boys Darl and Jarl born at the same time Mother had Kara and Jara. It was a year for twins that year, with three other Easthaven families also sharing in the boon. I remember Sister Tera's look of surprise when Mother gave birth to our two as Mother was the second to have twins. Then came the Meadowbroeks and three others near the same time. Father Mattias called it a blessing from the Earth Mother in a sermon. He didn't have to help look after two screaming babes at the same time though.

Once they arrived, Mother hopped down off Aloise horse and swapped over with Mari. We had been trusted to ride together for the past few years, which allowed both us a chance for some private discussion and Mother and Missus Meadowbroek a chance to gossip before reaching town.

Mari was wearing her good blue dress and had a matching blue ribbon tying back her wheat coloured hair. I held out my hand to help her up into the saddle behind me and couldn't resist a slight shiver as she wrapped her arms around me.

"You'll never guess who made eyes at me yestereve." she whispered in my ear in excitement, as we started along the road towards Easthaven, following the cart at a close but private distance. "I shall tell you, for you will never guess. Tomas, the blacksmith's son."

"Tomas?" I questioned, a little shocked "He's eighteen isn't he? And hasn't he been walking out with Brahdi the baker's daughter?"

"Seventeen, eighteen this Name Day." she answered, "And I heard from Beka the other day that Brahdi had been making calf eyes at Hester. He was around with his father to help shoe the horses and hit himself on the thumb with his hammer because he couldn't take his eyes off me!"

I gasped, showing Mari my hand "Poor Tomas, he must be in such pain."

"Oh my gosh! What have you done to yourself?"

"I cut my hand last eve peeling a potato. Mother had to stitch me up, after I drank the whole bottle of Papa's rum."

"You poor thing!" Mari exclaimed, hugging me tighter. "However did you cut yourself that badly?"

With a flash, I remembered the woman in the light and the woman from my dream.

"It was the strangest thing Mari." I began, "I was peeling the vegetables and everything went dark. Dark except for a light from the forest, and inside the light was a woman. I could see her clear as anything as if she were standing right in front of me. Next thing I knew, Mama was calling me and I had cut myself."

"How peculiar." Mari whispered.

"That's not the strangest part." I followed, "When Mama was stitching me up it hurt something fierce. I looked back out into the forest and it happened again. And then Mama had finished sewing up my hand and she said that I had stopped bleeding."

"A blessing from the Earth Mother?" Mari asked.

"Mother said that she will be asking Father Mattias, but you know how he is with Mithras' gifts."

"Oh yes." Mari agreed. Father Mattias loved to find any excuse to declare something as a blessing of the Earth Mother. She lowered her voice in imitation "The fruit trees have blossomed, it's a blessing of Mithras."

"The sun is shining! It's a blessing of Mithras!" I added in a similar fashion although slightly too loudly, for mother turned around to give me a glare.

We both commenced a fit of giggles that lasted most of the way into town. The rest of our travel was taken up by Mari's gossiping about the town girls and boys. The Easthaven community was mostly divided into 'townies' and 'farmers', with roughly an even population. Thirty two families made Easthaven town home and about thirty families regularly travelled into Easthaven for church every tenday.

We crested South Hill and the town of Easthaven spread out before us.