Chapter 12

20th - 28th Days of Deep Winter 768 n.c

I woke up missing Shard already. I knew that we wouldn't have a chance to see each other today and it created a pit of emptiness inside of me. But, it was the tenday, the day for heading into Easthaven to go to Church. The day for listening to Father Mattias drone on and on about Mithras and Celestine, whilst trying desperately not to fall asleep. I don't know whether it was just him or whether they taught all Mother's and Father's this particular way of talking when up at the altar? It was completely different to his usual way of talking, that reflected emotion and… tone.

Every tenday I had listened to sermons on Mithras and Celestine, taking them in and believing them. Today would be the first time listening to them, knowing an alternative. I knew that the ones in the past didn't match at all with the stories Shard had been telling me, but I trusted her stories a lot more. I didn't know why, maybe it was because of who was telling them or maybe because they were simply just an alternative. The way she told them to me was different too. Father Mattias preached from Book of Light; Shard recited from memory. Father Mattias was simply reciting what was written, whilst Shard seemed to know; she spoke with conviction.

I listened to Mari tell me all about Tomas on the cart trip into town, I sat next to her nodding in fascination at her stories and exhibiting shocked (mock) outrage at the disclosure that she had kissed him behind the smithy only the day before.

We caught up with Beka and Brahdi before church.

Beka looked at me in shock, reaching a hand out tentatively before stopping and asking my permission to touch my hair.

"Of course you may," I granted, "you know how much I love people playing with my hair."

"I had heard that it had turned black, Sharein." Beka said, "But I could scarce believe it, even when Brahdi told me that she herself had seen it."

Other people walking past stared at me, and at Beka playing with my hair. The news of my hair had probably reached the far flung Shires of Carn by now, but it must have been surprising to people to see it first hand.

Beka and Brahdi filled us in on what had been happening in town (not much), news from the rest of Carn (more battles in Darkholme and the King announcing a call-up of soldiers) and rumours from the rest of Mithras (apparently the Elves and Dwarves were going to war). The last piece interested me greatly, Sister Tera had taught us that the Elves and Dwarves had always had a very rocky relationship with no love lost between them.

Mari filled the other girls in on what she had been up to, less than what she had told me because they had all caught up more recently. Beka was, I think, legitimately shocked at Mari's confession of kissing Tomas. Brahdi's reaction on the other hand even shocked me.

"Did he do the thing where he touches your tongue with his?" she asked.

Beka looked almost like she would faint, I put an arm around her to keep her steady. Mari just went very, very red. Brahdi actually let out a loud laugh at this.

Beka spoke up once Brahdi had calmed down a little, "Honestly! Sometimes I have no idea why we are friends with you Brahdi! Do you have no shame?"

"Shame? Me?" Brahdi laughed, "None. Absolutely none."

The rest of us just shook our heads, even Mari who looked like she was hoping everyone would just forget the last part of the conversation.

"What have you been doing Sharein?" Brahdi asked me. I blinked a little at the direct question, being put on the spot.

"Not a lot. I have been helping Mother and Father and have been taking long walks through the country-side." I answered.

Mari looked at me with narrowed eyes, "Which country-side?"

I must have looked guilty, because when I said "The bit of country-side that isn't our farm.", Mari's eyes got wide.

She whisper-shouted at me "Sharein Askilain! Don't tell me you've been walking through the forest by yourself?"

I looked around in panic at someone overhearing but everyone else was a ways away from us. I let out a small sigh of relief. Looking back at the girls I saw that Beka had her hands covering her mouth in shock but Brahdi was smiling wide trying to suppress a laugh. Mari had her hands on her hips, her accusation confirmed by my panicked response.

"I won't tell you that then." I whispered back at Mari fiercely. It would have been a lie anyway, sure I was walking through the forest by myself but most of my time had been spent with Shard.

Brahdi inhaled very loudly and deeply in shock, "Oooh, ooh oooh." she almost screamed, pointing her finger at me accusingly "She's been meeting someone!"

"What?" I almost screamed. How, by the light, did she know?

"What, by the light, would make you suggest such a thing?" Mari asked.

"Because I notice things." Brahdi replied smugly, "The way she smiled, the way looked when you said 'by yourself', the way she answered."

She turned to me, "So Sharein? Who is he? Is he a merchant's guard or a travelling bard? Oh, is he someone we know?"

I shook my head at her and said with finality, "There is no he Brahdi, now please drop the matter before someone overhears."

Brahdi looked at me shrewdly, then in confusion. "Okay, matter dropped."

"Thank you." I said, gratefully, "I swear Brahdi, you will be the death of us all one day."

"It's time to head in." Beka spoke up, I turned my head to where she was looking and noticed that everyone was heading into the Church.

In church, my family sat on one side of the Meadowbroeks and Tomas' family sat on the other side.

Once everyone was in and settled, Father Mattias began his sermon.

"First, there was Mithras, the Earth Mother. From the mother sprung forth all of the animals and plants. But the animals and plants struggled in the darkness. For in the darkness lived evil and hate and death."

'Oh no.' I thought, recognising the words from the last tenday 'He's doing the same sermon again'.

"That is the nature of darkness. It kills, it hates, it is evil. The only thing that can protect us from this evil is Celestine, the light above. Celestine is life, is love, is goodness. The only path to love is through the light. The only path to goodness is through the light."

'That's not right!' I thought, getting a little angry at the lies being spread, 'Tenebrae loves Mithras! She's not evil.'

I remembered asking Shard about Tenebrae being evil.

Tenebrae isn't evil, just as Celestine isn't good. They just are. From the mortal perspective, without Tenebrae everything would burn and die, without Celestine everything would wither and die. Tenebrae knew this, but didn't care, Tenebrae's love was Mithras. Life requires the balance between darkness and light, tip the balance too far in either direction for too long and life will cease.

I wanted to stand up and walk out. But I didn't, I couldn't. So I sat still and tried my darndest to not listen. I was so successful at it, in the end, that even when Father Mattias finished the sermon I didn't notice when everyone around me repeated 'All hail the light'. Mother gave me a look out of the corner of her eye with a slight turn of her head as she noticed my silence. I closed my eyes and let out a very light 'snore'. Mother poked me in the ribs with her elbow and gave me a light smack on my knee. When I opened my eyes, I noticed the smile on her face as she looked up at the altar. I managed to pay just enough attention to repeat 'All hail the light' the rest of the times without actually paying much attention to what Father Mattias was saying, which made time seem to go so very slowly. Eventually it was time to go and I met Beka and Brahdi out the front of the building. Brahdi had to run, she had to get straight to the bakery, but I chatted with Beka for a few moments until Mari and Tomas came straight out walking side by side. They were very subtle, but Mari didn't look overly happy and Tomas appeared to be trying to explain something to her.

"I suspect," Beka stated carefully, "that Mari may be finding out about the other girls Tomas had been walking out with."

"Yes," I agreed, "I hope she is all right."

"I have a feeling that she will be. Tomas never seemed as interested in other girls as he has been with Mari." Beka said with a smile.

Eventually we travelled home, sans Mari who would be escorted home by Tomas' family a little later.

The rest of the day was spent around the house, making dinner and cleaning. As much as I longed to see Shard, we would have the rest of the tenday together.

Each of the next eight days was spent the same. I'd wake up, help Mother with breakfast and head into the forest to see Shard. We'd spend the whole day talking about anything and everything. She was fascinated by my interactions with the other girls. Each morning I was determined to ask Shard questions about who she was, but I could never seem to raise the courage to ask, or find a time that was right. Every afternoon when we parted ways, I kicked myself for not asking. Every night, I replayed the things she told me, putting the pieces of the puzzle together.

Every afternoon when I returned home Mother was a little quieter towards me, a little more withdrawn. I helped with dinner, ate with my family and went to bed. It continued like that every day until the day before the last tenday of Deep Winter.