30th Day of Deep Winter 768 n.c
We discussed the idea of starting my apprenticeship prior to my fourteenth nameday. Malkarov had no reservations about it, so it was decided that I would start in a tenday. On the tenth day of Late Winter I would move into this marvelous tower to begin learning magic. I was to stay here, in this tower for the next five years. Malkarov would allow me two days off every tenday. I could return home early on each ninth and return back after church on the tenth. I was tremendously excited, but at the same time torn that I wouldn't be able to see Shard as much as I had been. This thought rained on my excitement like a Late Spring storm. Like most apprentices, I would start off mostly with cleaning and learning the basics. Malkarov mentioned that at the end of my apprenticeship I would be presented to the Mages Guild in Castlemere for evaluation and the option to continue training in whichever field interested me. At some point the little floating ball of light disappeared and I felt a little disappointed at it's passing, it was my first piece of magic.
Once we finished our discussion and my head felt like it would explode with all of the information provided, we bid Malkarov a good day and left his tower. We all thanked Father Mattias for his help but he waved it off as just part of his duty. Once we bid him a good day, we picked up my siblings from the bakery and headed home. Once Jocam asked me if I was going to be a wizard, none of my other siblings could contain their excitement. I was bombarded by questions, one after the other. Many I could not answer, but my admission that I had cast a spell by reading it from a scroll almost made some fall off the cart in excitement.
When we reached the farm, I asked Mother "Do you mind if I don't help you with dinner tonight?"
Mother gave me an appraising look, "That will be alright Sharein, it's been an exciting day and if this is something you have been... wishing for then giving thanks in the same way is the right thing to do."
"Thank you, Mother," I answered with a smile. She may have misinterpreted the situation, but I suppose it all amounted to the same thing. Ironically, I'd spent most of the day wishing that I could kiss Shard again, so thanking her by giving her kisses did sound like the right thing to do.
I almost ran to the clearing in my excitement, Shard was standing in front of her altar poking something in the air. I paid no notice to this and jumped straight into her arms, knocking us both to the ground. My lips quickly met hers and didn't depart for such a long, long time. At some point, my legs had shifted from either side of her hips and we were laying on our sides, legs intertwined and my hand wrapped up in her hair.
When we did eventually break we lay next to each other panting with Shard looking at me like I was the most delicious feast provided just for her to eat, she swept a stray bit of hair behind my ear.
"I'm going to be a wizard," I whispered to her, once I caught my breath enough to do so.
Her face lit up in a huge smile and she let out a squeal, "I'm so proud of you!"
"I'm not going to be able to see you much. I shall be in Easthaven and only home one day every tenday," I said sadly.
"I've been here for a very, very long time Sharein," Shard said with a smile, "I'm nothing if not patient."
"I'm not," I frowned and pouted at her.
She responded by kissing the pout away. Then kept kissing, long after the pout had gone.
We lay there in the clearing, Shard was on her back and I was curled up in her arms with one leg over hers. I breathed in her refreshing scent and nuzzled against her jaw.
"Shard?" I whispered.
"Mhm." She murmured.
"Mithras has priests and priestess. Does Tenebrae?" I asked.
"I used to. A long time ago," she answered wistfully, "before I became… me. I still do, in some respects. The gods, we are powers. We represent certain… ideas or concepts. When Tenebrae is prayed to, Tenerebrae's power is increased. When mortals come up with a new name, a new power for a concept that already exists the power separates. The Dark Elves began praying to Iiskandiir, who represents both them as a people but also darkness. Part of Tenebrae separated to create Iiskandiir, but that part is still in a way a part of Tenebrae. When the Dark Elves pray to Iiskandiir, Tenebrae receives part of the power as well as Iiskandiir. In a way, Iiskandiir is Tenebrae's daughter but still a part of her… me. Many different races and peoples have new gods and goddess' who reflect part of my power so I receive power from their prayers, but very few worship Tenebrae as Tenebrae anymore. There's a cult in Darkholme that pray to Tenebrae regularly, but none of them have dedicated themselves to her priesthood."
"They pray to you?" I asked curiously.
She smiled at me, "They pray to Tenebrae. I told you that I'm a part of Tenebrae, a part of Tenebrae's power. Mine is a strange existence. I'm protected, as I am. My power does not wane as Tenebrae is forgotten, but it does increase slightly with the prayers to the other Powers. I still have a… link to the main power that is Tenebrae, I can hear? Feel? The prayers of the faithful, but not as much as I did, as she does. I suppose, that as I am at the moment, I am akin to the other Powers that are Tenebrae's children. When you first prayed to me at my altar; when the wolves were after you, Tenebrae heard your prayer just as I hear the prayers to her, but it was my power that healed and protected you."
We fell silent for a while, comfortable in our closeness. I thought over all of what Shard had said, what it all meant.
As soon as I thought of the question, I asked it; without further thought, "Shard. How does one dedicate themselves to Tenebrae?"
She moved her head to the side and turned it to stare at me in shock. She opened her mouth, about to say something, then closed it again and looked at me searching my eyes. "Are you… do you want?"
"Well," I stalled as I tried to think, "firstly I'd like to know how it happens. Secondly, I'd like to know what it would mean to you, to me and you. Thirdly, I'd like to know what it would mean for me. Learning magic was Father Mattias' second suggestion for me, his first would have been the priesthood had I the calling to serve Mithras."
When I listed the first reason, Shard looked curious. When I listed the second, she began to look ridiculously happy and… proud? When I listed the third for some reason she looked a little smug. As I described what Father Mattias had told me she simply nodded.
"He sounds like a very wise man, your Father Mattias." Shard said, "But I would expect no less from a priest. A dedication to Tenebrae usually happens on the longest night of the year. With dedication comes great gifts, but also a great sacrifice must be made. Her priests give up their sight for an entire year and once completed and the sight returned, they are able to see in darkness. All darkness, for that is Tenebrae's domain. The words of the dedication are nothing to worry about, they come just as your prayer came. It is a lifetime of service to the dark, it is not something to be discarded, ever. It's not a job that can be moved on from. It is a… service. Those who dedicated themselves to Tenebrae, put themselves in service to her, swear to always do her will. As for us, well, I am Tenebrae in most senses. For you to dedicate yourself to me would be very one sided. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have a priestess again; but any relationship, especially one like we are slowly building needs to be more equal than that."
Impulsively I said "I don't care! I'd marry you, if we could."
Then I blushed, embarrassed with myself. I shouldn't have just come out and said that, even if it was how I felt, deep down
"I love you Shard, more than I ever thought I could love anyone else. We've been as much as walking out together," I justified, slightly shocked at my own admission. She looked shocked too, shocked but happy. Her eyes welled up with tears.
"Oh, sweet heart, I love you too." she confessed and her words lit such a bonfire of happiness inside of me that I thought at any moment that I would just burst into flame.
We came together so quickly, with such passion that stoked the fires inside of me to even greater heights. Her cold cold lips burned and I lost myself in the conflagration that she started.
Her fingers, when they trailed down my side to my hip left scorching trails and eventually, when she lifted her leg up between mine to press against my centre I felt such a bursting shuddering explosion all through my body. She stopped kissing me then and drew back a little. She looked slightly guilty.
As the waves slowly passed, I looked at her and exclaimed "What was that?!"
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Don't be sorry!" I reassured her, "That was… amazing, incredible!"
She looked reassured, slightly. I leant forward to give her the most sweet and tender kiss I could manage.
"I love you Shard. I love you, I love you, I love you," I repeated. Every time I said it, her guilt seemed to dissipate, so I kept saying it. Eventually she lay there with the biggest grin on her face and just the look in her eyes showed me that she loved me too.
"I love you too," she stated and I closed my eyes putting my forehead to hers, relishing our closeness.
"Would I have to give up my apprenticeship?" I asked, my mind already made up.
"I'd never ask you to do that," she replied, "but, priestess may not be the most ideal path for you."
I opened my eyes and jerked back slightly more angrily than I felt.
"Uh uh," she said, raising a finger for me to wait, "there is one other dedication that I never thought to use. It is one that I desire most, but to convince Tenebrae of it would be a battle and a lot of work."
I looked at her questioningly and she continued "There are priests and priestess' of the gods, all of them. But sometimes a mortal comes along that is gifted even more. They are… champions of the powers, for lack of a better word. Chosen, maybe. In all the ages, Tenebrae has never chosen one. Never. It would be an uphill battle, that is for sure, she can be a little jealous of her power… But I can be a little jealous too and I don't think I could cope with you dedicated to her, even if she is me and I am her."
I was a little confused still, about how Shard's existence worked and she giggled a little before adding "it's complicated. As much as I am her and she is me, we are still a little separate and I am finding that I don't want to share you. Even with myself."
"How does this champion chosen thing work, how is it different?" I asked.
"The champions can say no," she explained, "A priest or priestess that doesn't follow the will of their god can have their power removed, cut. The severing of this access leaves them with a hole inside that can never be filled, unless they make amends and re-dedicate themselves. Only if their god allows it. A chosen one, can never have their access cut. It's why Tenebrae has never done it, after Mithras chose the mortals over her she swore never to grant them this gift. She swore never to allow a mortal such as position. Also, Mithras has been very… liberal with granting this gift to her faithful, which only makes it worse. Which is why it will be so hard to change her mind."
"How will you change her mind?" I asked, curious.
"It will be difficult, but I'll visit her. I'll have to go, though," she replied.
"Go?" I asked, suddenly afraid at the implications of that idea.
She closed her eyes and let out a pained sigh, "Yes. Once you leave, which better be soon as it's almost night time, I'll go to visit her. It's going to take a while, a long while. Are you sure this is what you want?"
"How long is a long while?" I asked. I was worried, very worried, "I feel like I couldn't bear to be apart from you for even a tenday. But if it's something that will bring us closer in the long run, I'll manage."
"At least until High Summer, likely longer but not past Early Winter. I'll definitely be back before the Longest Night, much earlier if there is no hope of convincing her. The longer I'm gone, then more hope for a better outcome," she explained and I felt an overwhelming sense of worry.
Almost a year? Almost a year I could be apart from her? Despite the feelings of dread, I thought of the reward. I could be Shard's chosen! I could be closer to her, to Tenebrae.
I summed up my courage and nodded, "Please?"
"As you wish," she said simply ad we fell into each other's embrace.
As I walked home, I felt torn and conflicted. I had stopped at the top of the cliff and blew her a kiss, that she returned. I hadn't wanted to turn away from her. I memorised the scene down below. Her last words, before I left the clearing giving me some solace.
"Please come here to my altar and pray to me, I'll still be able to hear you but I won't be able to answer."
That night, lying in bed I remembered the closeness that Shard and I shared, the love I felt for her and the pain I felt at being separated from her for who knows how long. Thinking of her, trying to feel closer, I put my hand down between my legs and I discovered that I could recreate that feeling. Even if it wasn't even a part of the gift she gave me.
