Chapter 16

1st - 9th Day of Late Winter 768 n.c

The first tenday without Shard was horrible for me. The first day, I visited her altar and spoke to her for most of the day; but without any reply it was different. It was comforting to know that she heard me, but I was missing her stories and… her. I walked dejectedly back to the house that afternoon feeling an oppressive weight of loneliness. I wanted her back, but at the same time I knew that if she were to come back sooner it would mean that Tenebrae wouldn't take me on as her 'chosen'. Mother noticed the change in me when I returned and as we were cutting vegetables for dinner, she sent Illith and Kara to pick some herbs.

"Is something wrong Sharein?" She asked me, "Are you having second thoughts about your apprenticeship?"

"Oh no, Mother, I'm looking forward to my apprenticeship." I told her, searching for a way to put into words what I was feeling, "It's just… a lot of things have happened very quickly. It will just take a bit to come to terms with it all."

I gave her a fake smile, which I'm sure she saw straight through.

"If anything is bothering you, you know you can talk to me about it?" She reassured me.

"Yes Mother, thank you," I said as I gave her a quick hug. I was thankful that she didn't hold on to me long, as I felt on the verge of tears already.

The rest of my days visiting Shard were shorter and shorter, I told her how I was feeling but then immediately followed it with reassurances that I'd be alright, that the first part was surely going to be the hardest. By the sixth day of Late Winter I had taken to only visiting Shard's altar for a brief period in the mornings, but then walking to Easthaven to visit Mari, Brahdi and or Beka. They were all very excited about my news that I would soon be apprenticed to Malkarov when I told them all together on the sixth day.

"But, you've not yet had your seventeenth name day!" Beka exclaimed.

"Will you learn how to turn people into frogs?" Brahdi asked, "Ooh, or beetles! No! No! Birds! Could you turn me into a bird?"

Mari simply gave me a hug and whispered "I'm so happy for you," in my ear.

I gave Mari and smile before I burst into giggles at Brahdi's antics.

"I'm not sure Brahdi, I imagine that I'll have a lot to learn. The apprenticeship will go for five years," I told them.

"Five years?" Brahdi almost shouted.

I let out a small sigh at her loudness and quickly looked around to see how much attention she had drawn, "Yes, five years. I imagine that there is much more to learn to become a wizard than in most other occupations. And yes; Beka, I know I haven't had my seventeenth name day but special circumstances require it."

Beka looked a little put out by that, almost angry.

"You've never really cared about the rules or tradition, why should an apprenticeship make a difference?" she spit out.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, shocked. Beka never spoke like this to me, "What rules, what traditions?"

"Ever since you skipped out on class that time to go look at tadpoles in the creek and never got into trouble for it, you've never cared about the rules," Beka retorted.

"I'd forgotten about that," I mused, and I had. I was about seven or so, I had seen some of the town boys looking at them before church and wanted to look also but we were hurried on. I had skipped the church class and went out to investigate. Nobody came looking for me until church had finished, but once informed of my disappearance Mother immediately came down to get me. I didn't get into trouble, but I did get a long talking to about the importance of not wandering off and being where Mother thought I was. She wasn't really concerned about actually skipping the class as such. We even caught some to take home and watch.

"Some rules I care about, that are there for a good reason," I added, "but traditions not so much, why should everyone have to wait until their seventeenth nameday to start their apprenticeship? Jocam is already learning farm-work and that's basically an apprenticeship."

Beka looked thoughtful at this and her anger started to deflate. There must have been some other reason she got angry so suddenly.

"This isn't about my apprenticeship is it Beka?" I asked shrewdly.

She broke into tears at my words, so we all engulfed her in hugs. Once she had calmed a little, we moved away from the road to sit down underneath a tree so that we could be away from other people.

I waited for Beka to calm down enough to talk to us, but Brahdi prodded her "What's wrong Beka?"

She sniffed a bit and was silent for a moment until she started talking. Once she did start, the dam broke and her words tumbled out in a rush, "I don't want to just marry someone and be a mother. I'm the eldest of us girls, so whoever I marry shall expect to take over Father's store. Before my nameday I asked Father for permission to go to the College of Mithras in Castlemere to become a Sister, but he refused, he forbade me. He told me that if I wanted to do something I could wait for a dressmaker's apprenticeship, or a cooks!"

"Oh Beka!" I exclaimed and held her tightly in another hug, she sobbed into my shoulder as the other girls held us tight. I was a bit shocked to be honest, I had no idea that she felt so strongly about this as she had never let on. She was a very private person though, usually not sharing very much about what went on inside her head.

"I'm so sorry Beka," Mari whispered as she cried.

"Have you spoken to Sister Tera about this?" Brahdi asked, "She might be able to talk to you father."

Beka shook her head before vocalising a quiet "No."

"That's a very good idea!" Mari said, sounding quite shocked.

Brahdi broke from the hugs and stepped back, placing her hands on her hips, "What do you mean that's a good idea?! Do you think I can't have good ideas?"

Beka started shaking in my arms and I thought for a second that she might be crying more, but then she burst out with laughter. The laughter only made Brahdi look more cross but Beka's laughter was infectious and we were all soon rolling on the ground laughing.

"Do you not want to get married?" Mari asked Beka.

There was a long pause, I glanced across to see Mari looking at Beka suspiciously. Mari glanced across and me and our eyes met very briefly before she blushed and looked back at Beka.

"Someday," Beka said, "but being a mother isn't the only thing I want to do with my life. I know that if I went to the College to become a Mother then I wouldn't be able to marry or have children, but some Sisters do. But of course, once I became a sister I would only be able to come back to Easthaven if something happened to Sister Tera."

Every day after I visited the girls, in the morning I would sit on the altar and tell Shard about what we discussed as well as updating her about the gossip in town. Talking to the girls helped alleviate some of the sadness that was creeping in from the temporary loss of Shard's presence.

On the ninth day, I was sitting on the altar telling Shard about the previous day and telling her how much I missed her. Tears dropped on the black stone. Suddenly I heard a twig crack and I swung my head around to see Mother standing there at the edge of the clearing.

"Sharein, why did it sound like you're talking to someone?" she asked, as she walked towards me with a very concerned demeanor.

Oh poo! I tried to think back on what I was saying, but I had just been letting the words flow without even thinking about them. I could hardly recall what I had even said!

Mother got closer before she continued, "I heard you talking about your day and about Beka visiting Sister Tera, but then you said 'I love you and I miss you'. Who do you miss Sharein?"

Double Poo! I still couldn't tell Mother about Shard and I didn't want to lie to her.

"Uh… I miss Mari," I said weakly, thinking on my feet, "now that she's walking out with Tomas, I've not been able to spend much time with her and it shall be less once they marry."

"Oh honey," Mother said before enveloping me in a hug, "that's what happens as we get older. We see less and less of the friends of our youth. But you'll meet a boy soon enough and you won't want to pay attention to anyone except for him. Then you'll have children of your own and your heart will grow to make room for them as well."

"I don't think that will ever happen Mother," I said quietly, weakly. Wishing that I could be strong enough to tell her that I knew it would never happen.

Mother simply smiled at me with her knowing smile, "It will darling, it will."

She put her arm around me and started leading me out of the clearing, "You need some cheering up. Why don't we make some honey cakes for after lunch?"

That did help a little; after all, honey cakes were delicious.