AUTHORS NOTE:
In case anyone is curious, the person that I kind of picture as Sharein is a bit like Alison Lohman (especially when she was on the red carpet for Flicka). Shard would be a close match to someone like a longer haired Lara McDonnell dressed like a goth bride. Sharein would be a couple of inches shorter than Alison though as Shard stands an inch of two taller than Sharein.
Warning… so so much fluff in this chapter.
Slyksylva: I don't want Malkarov to be too predictable just yet, I'd like him to be a bit more complex than that :) He still has many more surprises ;)
Archer1eye: Poor Malkarov. Alladrial will NOT be amused and Malkarov will be in for a shock if he thinks that ALL of the attention will be on Sharein! There will be many many things happening before (if they even do) the Inquisition of Light become involved ;)
Havok22: Thank you so much! That is high praise indeed and much to be desired by me, it encourages further writing and inflates my ego in a very desirous way ;-)
Chapter 55
10th - 11th Day of Middle Spring 768 n.c
We dried and went to bed, with a small wave of her hand a nightgown just magically appeared on Shard.
"How do you do that?" I asked Shard.
"It's magic, the magic that flows through me also flows through you," she explained as we cuddled together under the covers, "the only difference is that there is no filter required for me to use it. Everything around us conforms to certain rules. If you drop something, it falls to the ground because there are rules dictating what happens. Magic is… fluid. When magic becomes static it forms these rules, but we can direct magic to change what happens around us, to avoid or ignore these rules. Humans aren't invisible, as a rule. When you cast an invisibility spell you are using the chaos of magic to avoid that rule. You take the chaos magic and force it through the filter of that spell. Without the filter of that spell anything at all might happen to you. Wizardly magic is the creation of new rules to force the chaos of magic to ignore the bigger rules to change things. They use components as an… insulation, as a buffer, to prevent magic destroying their bodies. Human bodies aren't… strong enough to channel magic purely. I have a filter as well, but my filter is much more… chaotic in nature. I enforce what I want magic to do through my will. The powers grant spells to priests in a similar way to Wizardly magic, except the priests do it through prayer and the powers channel the magic on their behalf."
"So priests don't have to use components to cast spells," I asked to clarify, "and wizards do?"
"Priests use components to streamline the spell granting process, but they don't sacrifice their components, unless the power wishes it," Shard clarified.
"Then," I asked slowly, "why don't I have to use components?"
"I can't tell you because I don't… know," Shard replied slowly, "I knew that magic wouldn't harm you like that before you even told me. There's something… special about you in that way. It was something that I asked Tenebrae about, but she wouldn't say and I have no idea whether that is because she does or doesn't know. She does like her secrets. I had actually wondered whether she had been paying special attention to you and was intervening… but she laughed at that notion. Your body is more… resistant to the chaos of magic than a normal human's maybe? If magic were sentient, I'd simply say that magic really really likes you. Maybe all of the magic comes from The Creator and maybe the Creator likes you? I just don't know."
"I'm a mystery then?" I asked hopefully.
"You are my love, you very much are," Shard said, kissing my face all over with short little pecks, "maybe that's why Tenebrae is so interested in you?"
I lay back and thought about all she had told me, she didn't push or pressure me but instead hugged my side and I reached around to hug her to me as tightly as I could while I thought. It all made sense, everything she said. I was definitely an anomaly when it came to every other wizard. I did not know what the implications of this were for me, but it was obviously something to worry about later, rather than then. One of Shard's legs raised up to rest over mine. In doing so she pushed up my nightgown and her nightgown rose up so that our naked thighs rubbed against each other. I reached my left hand down and absentmindedly rubbed it along the back of her leg, from the crook of her knee to the top of her thigh. I'd done that a few times before my fingertips brushed something that made Shard gasp and let out a moan. That was enough to bring me out of my reverie and concentrate on more immediate matters.
Quite a while later, lying there arm in arm and very sweaty but before we fell asleep, Shard spoke up, "At the middle point of the night, my love, Tenebrae will begin instructing you. Normally her instructions are spread out along the entire year of sacrifice, but for you it will be condensed into the tenday."
"In my dreams?" I asked.
"Sort of, there may be some pain that might wake you up, due to the vast amount of knowledge she has to pass along. She's never done it like this before, but I needed to warn you just in case," she explained.
"I shall look forward to it," I said, and leaned forward to kiss her, intending to aim for her mouth but kissing the end of her nose instead.
The blackness of waking fell into the blackness of sleep without little obvious change aside from the lack of touch sensation and the loss of Shard's comforting presence. Out of the blackness formed an impression of something darker than even the blackest black. How, my mind could not fathom. The blacker black formed shapes that spun and oozed together until the blacker black formed shadows of a face. A feminine face.
"Tenebrae?" I asked in my dream and the face grew a smile.
"My daughter of darkness," the words echoed around the empty space, "you may call me Mother, if you wish, the concept would be pleasing to me."
"Mother Darkness?" I offered and she smiled even wider.
"Oh," she sounded surprised, "I like that. You are a wonder my dear, I almost regret not choosing someone sooner. Now then… It's time for your instruction."
I prepared myself, not knowing what exactly I was preparing myself for.
The face smiled again and offered a warning, "this may… pinch."
The pain I felt in my dream was nothing to the pain I felt when I woke up, the dream pain was like a shadow, like it was a memory of pain. I knew the exact moment that I woke up, because the pain became so much more real. Although I was awake, I could not move, I was paralyzed, lying there in bed next to Shard who must have known what was happening because she was holding me tight and caressing my cheek. I could open my eyes, for all the good it did me, my eyes were the only thing that I had conscious control over. The pain went on forever, a pain that ran all over and through my body as if every smallest part of me were on fire, as if I were being dipped into molten metal. It was such a horrific pain that even my consciousness could not retreat from it, for it was not truly pain in my body, it was pain all through me. If I could in fact move, I had not a doubt that I would be writhing in agony and crying out until I was hoarse and had no breath left to scream. I was forbidden that, by the frozen state of my body. If the most pain I had ever felt before was my dedication to Tenebrae, it was like a pin prick compared to this.
"Sharein, my love," were the words that brought me out, once the pain had stopped and only echoes remained. I could not say how many times she had said it before that moment, but It would not have surprised me that it had been going on all night. With the awareness of the outside world, of a world without such dreadful pain came an awareness of what Tenebrae had left behind.
I understood. I understood exactly what Tenebrae was. She was Darkness. She was emptiness, darkness, things hidden away and unseen, she was fear, she was death. I had previously thought that to cause any of these things to be would have been considered as evil acts. To cause fear in someone wasn't nice, to keep secrets wasn't nice and death was definitely evil. But I understood just then, I understood that there was no evil or good. There just was. All of these things that were considered bad, wrong or evil were necessary. If nothing died, then Mithras would become overpopulated, if there were no fear then there would be no trigger to prevent death. Secrets were just secrets (Mother especially seemed to have a lot of them). When Shard explained to me that darkness wasn't evil, I did believe her, but I didn't know as I did in that moment. I understood, partially, at least that Tenebrae was a power, that she was darkness just as much as she represented darkness. I understood so, so much about how things worked. Shard's explanations fit in perfectly with this newly acquired understanding but it extended even further. It wasn't just a third party understanding, I didn't know how to explain it but I knew what it felt like… what it felt like to be Tenebrae.
Tenebrae had not just given me this basic knowledge, I also knew how to call on her, how to request her intervention. How to open myself up to the magic channelled through her by my prayers. I understood the language of the prayers! I understood the requests that I was calling out when I dedicated myself, when I anchored Shard to me and when I made the oath to Shard. I even understood the prayer that Sister Terra made when communing with Mithras! (Although the accent was slightly different).
With all this knowledge I also knew that there was more, much more to learn over the next eight nights.
"Sharein, my love," Shard repeated, quietly, gently.
I turned my head towards hers and she kissed me gently. I rolled onto my side, facing her to return the kiss.
"I don't have much experience," she whispered once we broke, "but that looked to be a bit more than only a little bit of pain."
"It was worse than the dedication," I returned, "but it's over for now and now that I am prepared and know the rewards, I shan't be surprised by the rest of them. Although I confess, I am most definitely not looking forward to them at all."
"Oh my dearest love," Shar whispered before kissing me again.
She didn't come close, but Shard's attempts to balance out the pain were, I believe, essential in allowing me to get back to sleep.
