Cid stared at Naruko with an unamused look "I'm not making that, Naruko." He said as he gazed down at the rough diagram of a device Naruko had suggested that the Ironworks could sell.
"Awww.. but why not?" Naruko pouted sadly.
"Because it's downright perverse!" Cid responded, tossing the paper to the side. "Garlond Ironworks is a respectable and family friendly business, Naruko. We use our talents to create things to help people." He said, not seeing Jessie pick up the schematics and examine them.
"Hey you're the one that's been crying about your business hemorrhaging money out the ass. Besides, it'll help plenty of people!" Naruko shot back. "That's not the point!" The bearded man shouted back.
"Thal's Balls, you're acting like I'm asking you to make bombs so I can blow up orphanages."
"Y'know," Jessie said from behind them, causing them both to turn "I know a large amount of ladies that would kill for something like this." She said with a grin.
One Month Later
When Cid came into the workshop this morning he had such high hopes… yeah those were dashed almost immediately.
Cid stared dejectedly at the month's sales that Jessie had smugly handed him an few minutes ago.
'How in the name of the Twelve did we sell over two bloody million of them!? We haven't even sold that many refrigerators!'
This was his life now, wasn't it? Is this how he's going to be remembered? Not for his contributions to Eorzea and the world at large but for this!?
Off to the side Nero was laughing like a mad man. In his hand was the morning's issue of the Harbour Herald.
And on the front page was an article about the current bane of his existence..
The Garlond Magitek Wand.. no he was not going to refer to it by its actual name! His name for the infernal thing was at least respectable!
'Oh gods, strike me down.. please?' Cid thought as he slammed his head into the table.
"There there chief… at least people think it was modeled after your own." Wedge said, making Cid slam his head harder.
Meanwhile
Naruko whistled a jaunty tune as she counted her 15% cut of the sales of the Ironworks hottest new product.
"Do I even want to know where you got the idea for such a perverse device?" Y'shtola asked flatly, as if she hadn't purchased one out of curiosity.
"Would you believe me if I said it came to me in a dream?" Naruko said as she put the rest of the Gil away and went to take a sip of her still scalding hot coffee but stopped because it was still way to hot. It was true, she had a dream where this weird robed woman wearing a mask told her to wake up and write this diagram down. Actually she was really familiar now that she thought of it.
"Honestly? Yes actually."
Meanwhile several thousand years earlier
A white haired man and woman sat at an outside table with a small child with slightly pointed ears. Or really the woman had shot up and pumped her fist with a small cheer all of a sudden.
The man stared at the woman with an exasperated look while the child happily ate her comically large burger.
"Really Azem? Must you always be so.." the man said as he motioned to the woman as he sipped his lemonade.
"Oh hush. Also we are off duty Hades.. stop calling me by my title." The woman huffed as she sat back down.
Hades rolled his eyes "Well then Izanami. What's got you so excited, hmm?"
Izanami's eyes shined with mischief. "Oh I just got a feeling that a small little experiment I performed a month ago finally paid off." She said with a small chuckle. Causing Hades to groan in annoyance as a man walked past their table muttering to himself.
However before the two of them could continue their conversation, the small girl put her burger down with a frown.
"Momma?" She said looking at Izanami.
"Yes Tama?" Izanami said as she sipped her chocolate milkshake.
"What's a schizo?" Tama asked cutely, causing Izanami to choke on her milkshake.
"W-where did you hear that!?" Izanami coughed as she wiped her drink from her mouth and nose.
Tama shrugged and pointed at the man who had walked past them "He said you're one."
Izanami's eye twitched as she stood up "Hades, watch your niece. I need to have a word with that punk." She said as she stormed after the man.
Hades looked at his niece "To clarify, schizo is a bad word and you shouldn't repeat it. Ok, Tamamo?"
"Ok Uncle Hades." Tamamo said before she dug back into her burger.
Back in the present
"Wow she is really out of it." Tataru said, snapping her fingers in front of Naruko. "Hmm.."
Tataru moved behind Naruko "Hey Naruko. Alphinaud ate the last chocolate muffin!" She said, making Naruko snap out of her daze.
"YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Naruko shouted as she tossed the nearest thing at the Elezen teen.
And Alphinaud who had been just about to take a bite of his grilled cheese, turned his head slightly only to gape in horror as a cup of scalding hot coffee sailed towards his head.
This starting another rather eventful day at the Rising Stones.
Hey guys, just a real short one today that I whipped up. I felt like writing something funny.. but I hope you liked the little surprise in the middle.
Also, here are the various names for the device(you all know what it is) as provided by members of the Ironworks and Naruko. Take a guess what its actual name is.
Jessie: The Garlond Iron Dong
Biggs: The Big Man
Wedge: The Magitek Pussy Smasher Mk1
Naruko: Garlond Schlong
Nero: I just want to see Garlond squirm.
Cid: The Garlond Magitek Wand
Omega: Beep Boop
Alpha: Kweh!(Naruko would like a word with whoever taught Alpha that word)
