"Hizashi! Woah, you look pretty wrung out! How was your holiday? Was it that busy?"

Hizashi glanced over to find Taishiro standing in the doorway of his store with wide yellow eyes moving over him curiously with a bag held in his hand and a coffee. Lunch from next door? It had him humming softly as he leaned against the counter of his store with a sigh as his hands drummed over the surface. There were a few lingering customers when the larger blonde walked over to him with the floor creaking lightly under his weight. "It really was, and I can happily say I am so happy Christmas is over."

"My, my, and you seemed so chipper about Christmas! I thought you had everything planned out and that you were ready for the holidays?" Taishiro had a playful lilt to his voice that had him raising his brows at his employee, but he felt the corners of his mouth twitching slightly when the blonde pushed his way past the small door cutting off the back of the counter from the front of the store. "I had a pretty busy Christmas of my own! But with a big family and many friends like you it must've been busy."

"It was. God, I swear I've never been happier not that Christmas is far behind us!" He sighed out when the blonde squeezed past him towards the back room where he was no doubt going to take his lunch. He turned on his feet slightly, glancing at the few customers sitting in the window seats and he knew there were a few in the back. At least he had the bell to signal customers. He turned on his feet to walk into the doorway of the backroom where he smiled at Taishiro. "So how was your Christmas anyways?"

The other blonde seemed to light up. As if he were delighted by the simple question on how his holiday had gone. Taishiro had such a bright personality that it was hard not to smile wider at the other blonde who took his seat at the table. Yellow eyes glowing at him with a bright smile on the blonde's face when his hands worked to open his bag. "Well, my mother was a bit insufferable about all the wrappings on the floor and dinner itself, but my sisters helped balance her out, you know? And it was honestly nice receiving some presents! What about you?"

"My younger brother and his partner, my two sisters and their husbands, along with their kids came over along with both of my mothers'. You wouldn't believe the cooking I did the day before to make sure that I could reheat and serve everything to them! And the boys, of course, were happy opening not one but two rounds of presents!" A chuckle left the other blonde when he leaned against the doorway with his shoulder braced to it. "I invited Shouta over, but he ended up declining way before then."

"Shouta? I haven't heard you talk about him in a hot minute! How is he doing? Did you ever figure out your crush and him or not?" He raised his brows at the blonde who tugged out what he had to guess was a croissant roll sandwich which blonde brows raising back at him. Hands holding onto the sandwich lifted up where it hovered before his mouth when the other blonde tilted his head. "I only ask because it's been quite a while since you've talked about your Shouta woes."

"Well, when you make it sound like that it makes me not want to say anything!" He replied in a miffed tone when the other blonde smiled at him then bit into his sandwich. He sighed out with his hand coming up to scratch at the side of his neck. "So, I do have a crush on him. A bad one. But, um, recently there's been a bit of turmoil? I kissed him and he took off, which led to some silence between us, but we worked it out! But now it's just driving me crazy, you know? All I can think of is that damned kiss over and over!"

The other blonde hummed around his mouthful as he chewed with his jaw working. He scratched at the side of his neck again when he watched Taishiro's Adam's Apple bob with a swallow when the other blonde licked at his lips before speaking. "Well, maybe that means something. I mean, you kissed your crush! That's definitely something that I'd be thinking about if I were in that situation! But the question is what are the both of you doing about it going forward?"

"He wants to stay friends. He doesn't want it to ruin what we have now." The other blonde made a sympathetic sound when he sighed with his shoulder digging into the door way. He scuffed the toe of his shoe against the metal band of the doorway when he sighed out as his head rested against it. "I don't blame him, I really don't. I like what we have too but with this crush it complicates things, you know? Like I want to be his friend, but I also want to be with him? Does that make sense?"

Taishiro gained a thoughtful look as he chewed his new mouthful quickly before swallowing with his Adam's Apple bobbing. Rubbing the crumbs away from his lips when the other blonde pointed at him. "It complicates things, sure, but you have to think. Do you want to confess? Do you want to say something to Shouta? I mean, what is your end goal here? Do you want something more from Shouta? Or do you want to stay friends? Do you want to suffer in silence or say something?"

"I want to say something, but I've only known him for five months. I know it doesn't seem that long, but it feels too soon, you know? And especially when we've only just now gotten back on track with one another, I don't think I can bring myself to ruin it for either of us, you know? I don't want to scare him away because it has only been five months since I've met him. And I know we're going on six months but I'm just- I don't want to ruin what I already have with him, you know? He's really become my best friend."

"Your best friend who you're currently crushing on." There was a bluntness to Taishiro's voice that had him blinking at the other blonde who sighed out before turning to face him slightly in his chair as he put his sandwich down on the wrapper it had been in. "You need to figure out what you want, Zashi. I don't mean to be so blunt, but you can't continue on this way. It's not right by you and it's not right by Shouta. It might be better to pick a time to confess you're crushing unless you want it to stretch on for a year? Longer?"

"I don't want it to stretch on longer. But when can I tell him, really? How do you tell your best friend 'Oh, by the way I have a monster crush on you and think you're pretty? And all I can think about is kissing your stupid face all the time'? How do you even word it in a way that is acceptable to him? I don't know what I'd even begin to say." He hated the whine to his voice, but he couldn't help but feel like he was being scolded. Especially by someone younger than him, it was a bit funny, but he frowned.

The other blonde rubbed his hand over his lips with blonde brows squeezing together slightly with that thoughtful expression pinching at his face. A muffled hum leaving the other blonde before yellow eyes were coming back to him. "You have time to figure it out, don't you? Plenty of time. But, Zashi, you can't continue on like this, you know. You've got to say something sooner rather than later or you're going to end up being hurt. Shouta is going to end up being hurt. What are you going to do if he starts dating someone? How will you feel?"

Fuck. He has a damn good point there. Always had. He crossed his arms over his chest with his arms squeezing over it tightly with the other blonde looking at him rather expectantly. As if there was something he was missing that he needed to piece together. Something so obvious that he just wasn't seeing. It had him sighing out with his legs crossing. "I wouldn't be happy if Shouta started dating someone. Especially with how much I like him. But, Tai, what if he doesn't feel the same? What if he doesn't have the same feelings?"

"Then at least you would have said something. Even if you don't go back to being best friends at least Shouta will know how you feel, you know?" Taishiro lifted his sandwich up with a sigh leaving the other blonde who then tilted his head slightly at him. "It's better to say something, have things be weird for a bit, than to swallow your feelings until they wither away. That's not healthy for you, Zashi. And who knows, Shouta might feel the same but neither of you are saying anything. Don't you feel that might be the case?"

"Maybe? I mean, there's- We have these moments that just feel so intense, you know? Like when he touches my cheek or when he hugs me? It's like electricity and it drives me crazy! And I just- I want to touch his face, his hair, all the time! I want to cuddle up to him and I want him to hold me the way he did the night we kissed but I feel like it's impossible, you know? Because I'm scared, he really won't feel the same way as me and I don't want to lose him!"

"What if you do lose him because you say nothing?" He flinched at the thought when the other blonde then took a large bite of his sandwich. His jaw working quickly to chew his mouthful with a smear of sauce on his lips that was licked away. His Adam's Apple bobbed when he swallowed it down then reached for his drink to gulp at once, twice before licking his lips with a sigh. "Zashi, I understand it's nerve wracking but you're twenty-six-years old, aren't you? Aren't you above this? Don't you want to get it over with?"

"I get it, I'm an adult! I'm not supposed to act like some kind of love-struck teenager but it's hard, Tai! I mean, there's so much uncertainty! I could be reading him wrong and what if I do? What if he finds it gross to have a trans man interested in him? He said he was okay with me but what if he's not okay with something romantic? What if he doesn't want me like that?" He pushed off the doorway with a sigh when he stretched his hands out to touch the door frame when he noticed the sympathy.

It flickered on Taishiro's face, in his eyes, when he took another bite of his sandwich. Chewing it quickly, he found himself toeing at the metal band across the doorframe once again lightly when he looked up at the quiet sound of a hard swallow. The other blonde gulped at his coffee again before rubbing crumbs from his lips and the corner of his mouth with those eyes raising up to him. "Then at least you'll know what kind of man he is, won't you? You'll know for sure."

"But it's not just me I have to think about though when it comes to the idea of confessing. If I end up dating Shouta, I have Toshi and Izu to think about too because it impacts them too. And Shouta has Eri; a baby still! I have to consider if I want to raise another baby, you know?" He weaved on his feet slightly before reaching up with fingers sneaking beneath his glasses to rub at an eye. "But you're right, Tai. I guess if I still feel the same next month, I'll figure out how to confess."

A rather saddened, guilty look flickered onto the other blonde's face when he placed his sandwich down on the wrapper again. Frowning softly, the other blonde then twisted his fingers together slightly before speaking. "I don't mean to guilt you into doing anything, but you do need to be realistic about this, Zashi. I mean, if you like him then what's stopping you from at least saying something? A relationship doesn't happen overnight, and it takes time. Dedication. Work. You have time to work this all out, you know."

"I know. I appreciate you being blunt with me, Tai, I really do. Sometimes bluntness is good!" He smiled at the other blonde, but it merely had that frown deepening on Taishiro's lips when he stepped into the room with a sway on his feet as his eyes fell on the blonde's coffee. "Would you mind manning the store while I step out? It's not quite my break yet but I want to run next door for a coffee! Do you mind if I join you after I grab one?"

Blonde lashes fluttered when yellow eyes then widened at him with a look of awe on them with the other blonde's mouth dropping open slightly before his frown was twitching up into a smile. A shy, rather sweet smile that had his chest tightening at the sight of when Taishiro's fingers twisted together with that smile growing sweetly. Softly. "I don't mind one bit, Zashi. I like talking with you and I'd love nothing more than to finish my lunch break with you."

"Awesome! Then I'll be back! Oh, remind me when I'm back that I should put some rock salt out onto the ice to melt it up before the storm tonight! I'll be here bright and early to shovel it out, but I'd like to salt it first to see if it has any impact. But I'll be back!" He loved how that shy smile grew on Taishiro's lips with a nod aimed his way as he turned on his feet. Rushing behind the counter then through the small door to the front door. Taishiro was right. Of course, he was but he can't help but feel reluctant.

Well, he'd have time to think about it, wouldn't he?


"Dad? Are you okay?" The sound of Hitoshi's voice by his doorway had him lifting his head up from the pillow to find Hitoshi and Izuku standing in his doorway. A pair of worried purple and green eyes rested on them with small hands holding onto the edges of the doors. As if they were hesitant to come into the room, when Hitoshi rolled forward onto his toes with his brows pinching together slightly. "You've been laying down for a long time, Dad."

"Yeah! You haven't started dinner yet either! Are you okay, Dad?" Izuku piped up with his own small brows pinching together into that look of worry. It was the last thing that he wanted for his boys who stared at him with such intense looks of worry. They'd been preoccupied with their new ensemble of toys from Christmas, but he found himself rolling onto his arm which he braced himself up onto with a soft smile twitching on his lips.

"I'm okay, you two. Why don't you come up here for a cuddle, hm? I certainly can use some love from both of my boys, you know!" Hitoshi and Izuku launched forward without him needing to invite them again. Running across the floor while he shifted slightly towards the middle of the bed, small hands grabbed at the edge of his bed. Heaving up onto the bed with Izuku grunting quietly as he tried not to place weight onto his broken arm. "Careful, Izu! Do you want some help?"

"Nah, I got it, Dad!" The green-haired boy chirped as he heaved himself onto the bed when the blonde stretched his arms out. Hitoshi crawling over to the left while Izuku cuddled himself up on the right with small fingers twisting into the fabric of his shirt. Heads coming to rest on his chest with small hands holding onto him. Izuku tilted his head back to which he kissed his forehead rather than the top of his head like he'd been aiming for. "Are you sure you're okay, Dad? Are you not feeling good?"

Wrapping his arm around Hitoshi and Izuku, he hugged them close to his sides. Soon enough they wouldn't want to cuddle. They wouldn't want to join him on the bed. They were going to be seven next year and God knows what was going to change between now and then. He squeezed them closer with his hands lifting up to caress wild indigo locks and green curls gently when he then kissed the top of Hitoshi's head. "I'm fine, Izu. I'm just tired from work. Do you two wanna be my helpers for dinner when we get up?"

"Yeah! I wanna help you with dinner! But you're really really okay, Dad? You seem really sad." Hitoshi had that note of worry to his voice with his small hand fisting at his shirt when he sighed out softly. He knew that it was only rational and expected that his sons were going to worry about him. But he didn't want them to worry too much over him when it was his job to worry over them. "I don't want you to be sad, Dad! Is it about Mister Aizawa?"

Tightening his arms around his sons, he squeezed them to his chest when he let out a sigh. He knew he wasn't making it any secret to his sons that he was crushing on the black-haired man, but he didn't need to let his melancholy infect his sons either. Sliding his hands over green curls and indigo locks he scratched gently at their heads when cheeks nuzzled to his chest. "No, it's not about Mister Aizawa. I'm not sad either, just tired from work is all! I'll be okay, I promise."

"Really? Do you super-duper promise?" Izuku questioned with his fingers plucking at his sweater idly. He lifted his head enough to find those wide green eyes on him and a dissatisfied pout on Hitoshi's lips as small brows squeezed together. He slid his hands down to rub backs which had the boys squirming closer to his sides when Izuku frowned slightly. "We can go play outside in the snow if you want! Or play with our toys inside!"

"We can absolutely play with your toys in here! And tomorrow, after the storm comes through, we'll go outside and you guys can play while I shovel, yeah? How do you feel about spending the day with me at the store? Or would you rather wait at home with Auntie Hana or Auntie Aimi?" He knew that his sisters were free on most days of the week, if he called Aimi today, he could set something aside. He rubbed their backs again until heads rested on his chest. "We can play all we want tonight before bedtime, okay?"

"I want to go to the store with you! Me and Zu will be reaaaal quiet! I promise!" Hitoshi chirped at him while he rubbed gently at small backs when he let his own head rest back against the pillow. He got nuzzles from both boys as he held them close; adoring the warmth radiating off of them that kept him warmer than any blanket. Did all children run hot like that? Or was it a sign there was something wrong? "And we can get somethin' to eat from Auntie Nem's and Uncle Oboro's!"

"Yeah! So can we come to the store with you tomorrow?" Izuku questioned with his fingers plucking at his sweater awkwardly given how they stuck out of his cast. He sighed out with his hands coming up to ruffle those wild indigo locks and green curls earning himself a giggle from Izuku and a whine from Hitoshi. He rubbed his hands over their locks when he felt fingers tugging at his sweater again. "Please, Dad?"

"Of course you can come to the store! I'd never keep you away from it, you know! But how about we have a few minutes of quiet time, hmm? I just need a few more minutes of quiet time then we can go get dinner done, okay? I promise we'll get to cooking something very simple for the both of you." He got nods from both boys who cuddled up against his sides with heads resting against his chest again. His arms tightening around them to hold them impossibly tight to his chest.

God, does he love his sons. Today had been such a long day for him but both boys were willing to give him the quiet time that he needed to think. It had him squeezing them to his chest with quiet grunts leaving the children in his arms. He felt like he was losing time with them. He wasn't paying them the attention they needed, and God knows they were going to be sprouting up before he knew it. They'd be older in the blink of an eye, and they'd be too busy for him.

It hurt his heart to imagine. He wanted to relish this time with his sons for some time; he wants to make memories with them. Moments that his sons could reminisce positively on. He wanted to give them nothing but good memories. Izuku already seemed so happy now a days save for the frustration that built up due to his broken arm but in a mere four months it would hopefully be coming off. It would be a horrible learning curve, but Izuku had already promised he'd never do it again.

And he had promised to keep a closer eye on them. After the drama with Izuku's case worker eyeballing him with a scrutiny he'd not experienced before? Well, he was damn sure to keep his eyes on the boys. At least he didn't have to worry too much about a caseworker in Hitoshi's case; he had her number. Had the case file number but she hardly did little more than a call in once in a great while to talk to Hitoshi. They were mostly left alone thanks to the adoption having long since gone through.

He hoped that this would be the case once Izuku's adoption was pushed through. He wanted nothing more than to create amazing memories with his sons who were growing like damn weeds. Already, their heads reached his stomach and would soon be reaching his chest. Then his shoulders. And soon enough they'd be just as tall as he was. It was shocking to think about, but he knew it was unavoidable. He knew that they were going to grow up whether he liked it or not.

It was up to him to make them into emotionally available, good boys with good heads on their shoulders. There was nothing much he could do other than to prepare them to grow into good boys. Good men. God knows the world could use more good men in it. And he was determined to make sure that Hitoshi and Izuku were part of that group. To make sure that they were indeed growing into good men. He ran his hands over wild indigo locks and green curls. His boys.

His talk with Taishiro had really opened a situation that he hadn't considered before in his fantasizing. In his daydreaming of being with Shouta he'd never considered his children. He had two sons, two impressionable sons that would need him the more they grew whether they said it out loud or not. He had children he had to care for, and Shouta had Eri who was still a baby. It was something that he needed to take into consideration; could he raise a third child?

Did he have it in him to raise another? Could he find it in him to take on a third child when he already had two boys who needed his time and attention? A two-year-old required much time and patience; that much he knew from his youth when he first took on Hitoshi. Two-year-old's may be toddlers, but they could still be viewed as babies. And Eri was a needy baby who liked to have the attention of her father. Hell, just the other night on their FaceTime call, Eri had been inconsolable.

In the end, she only settled down after he had spent an hour crooning to her the sweeter lullabies he knew off of the top of his head. The lullabies that had worked on Hitoshi when he was a baby. And after Eri had gone to bed he and Shouta had hung up. But it was an eye-opening type of conversation with Taishiro that had told him that he truly wasn't looking at the full picture. He was looking at a chunk. A snippet. He wasn't looking at the picture that needed to be taken into account.

He hadn't dated anyone seriously after he had taken on Hitoshi. In fact, he kept his dating life away from his son back when he tried to keep it going but it was hard. After all, not everyone wants to date a single father. Not everyone wants to raise someone else's kids. And he didn't blame anyone for that. But if he ended up with Shouta, if they dated, they had not one but three children to think about. Three children whose best interests needed to be evaluated before they dived into something as complicated as dating.

It would be a blended family mix up that they would need to navigate. And with his impending adoption of Izuku, would it be right to jump into a relationship? He knew that Shouta would need to be background checked by Izuku's caseworker. Dating someone seriously was indeed something that he needed to think about. And as much as he longed, pined and dreamed about the idea of being with the black-haired man, he knew he wasn't taking in the full picture.

He wasn't seeing everything for what it was. And he had to know if Shouta was okay with taking on two kids. After all, they would be seeing the black-haired man as another father figure if things got serious. It was something he wasn't sure Shouta was ready for. But how long did he let this drag on for? How long did he let himself pine? How long did he let himself crush on this man when he didn't know the answers for the questions that he needed to ask?

Dating someone while he had two children was something serious. He needed to know that whoever he ended up with would be taking on his sons. Would be willing to date him knowing he came with "baggage" as some would call it. But he hardly saw his sons as baggage; in fact, they were so much more than that. But he needed to be with someone who was ready to date him and ready to understand that his sons weren't going to disappear.

They were here to stay, and he was going to care for his boys as he saw fit. But he needed to be with someone who was on the same page as him. He needed someone who understood that dating him means he's coming with two children. And he understood that if he were to confess to Shouta it would be the same thing. He knew that if he agreed to go out with Shouta that he would agree to taking on Eri in some way, shape or form.

They'd be a blended family, and he didn't know how he could begin to navigate that. Hitoshi and Izuku seemed to utterly adore Shouta when he came by, but it was almost like it was polite. As if they wanted to do more but couldn't because Shouta was technically "Dad's friend" just as Tensei and Emi were. He had to think about this rationally. He'd been mooning, obsessing and fantasizing over Shouta for days. Months. But now? Now it was serious.

He had a crush on the other man, and he was interested in Shouta romantically. There was no denying that to himself now that he had admitted it out loud countless times. He has a crush, but it was so much more than just that. He had to take into account how his sons would feel about him suddenly dating. For Hitoshi had only him for six years and only now became okay with sharing him with Izuku. The two were finally behaving as brothers did and he didn't want to ruin it by bringing in a new relationship.

But was he supposed to just stay single for the rest of his life? Until the boys were eighteen? What was he supposed to do, realistically about his situation? Taishiro had made more than one fair point while they'd been talking today that he couldn't deny it. But he had his own reasons for not confessing to the black-haired man yet. Was it wrong of him to hold out just a little longer? They were nearing the end of December, and he knew that in the new year anything was possible.

Anything could happen. And he needed to think of the rationalistic scenario laid out before him and how to actually work this relationship if they take it that way. He let out a slow breath with the slow, even breaths of Hitoshi and Izuku warming his chest. His sons were everything to him. They were the two things he couldn't live without. He adored his sons, and their opinions meant everything to him even if they were only six years old.

He knew he could put it off until they were in their pre-teen years. He could wait until they were eleven or twelve to begin dating. When they would understand the change? But would they understand it now? They are six-years-old but does that make them ignorant? Unaccepting on their father dating? It had him dragging his teeth over his lip at the thought with his arms tightening gently around his sons who cuddled into his sides. Fingers holding onto his sweater.

He could figure all of this out, he knew that, but he felt anxious about dating. About confessing to Shouta. What if he never answered him? What if he just never gave him the answer he wanted? What if Shouta didn't want him like that? But hadn't he shown him that he was interested in him with those lingering touches? Lingering looks? It had his heart aching at the thought that somehow, someway, that his feelings would be returned to him.

There was no one he wanted more than Shouta. That much had been made clear to him forever ago when he first began developing this fluttering crush. When had been the true confirmation of it? That afternoon when he'd been given Shouta's coat? When he'd slid his arms through the warm sleeves and inhaled that vanilla cologne down? He had not a clue, but he couldn't deny even to himself that this had been a damn long time coming.

That there was nothing he could realistically do but accept what was meant to be accepted. It all mattered how he went forward. On how he continued his life onwards. Did he want to wait until the boys were thirteen? It sounded torturous. Absolutely agonizing when his crush was already so damn strong it left him breathless from time to time from the force of it. This longing, this pining, for the man was driving him crazy. Had he been wanting him this whole time?

He had not a clue. He couldn't deny there had been a spark of interest when he first met Shouta that only spiraled into something more. Something that kept him coming back to the black-haired man eagerly to talk with him. To learn more about him. To know what made this stoic, awkwardly sweet man tick. He had wanted that from the first night he invited Shouta over to his dinner party. When they had been- What? Flirting?

It was hard to pin down when that flirting had begun but he'd told Shouta it made him uncomfortable. And it had. He hadn't wanted to flirt with this new man in his life at first for he was looking for friends. Not romance. And yet, despite his best and Shouta's to remain platonic, here he was with emotions swarming his chest. Leaving him breathless under their weight when they dared to wash over him before he was ready. He really did like Shouta.

But like it had been previously stated, it wasn't just about him. His kids needed to be involved in this decision too. Of course, he knew that he could have something casual with Shouta. If he wanted too, he knew he could come to the black-haired man and admit to the physical attraction. But wouldn't it still hurt? To fuck a man day in and day out but have those feelings bubbling in his chest? Wouldn't it be agonizing if he didn't confess the full weight of his attraction? Probably.

But they both had factors in their lives that needed to be taken into account. He hadn't dated in the longest time, but he knew that with Shouta it wasn't going to be easy. It wasn't going to be incredibly hard but rather more complex? After all, Shouta would be signing himself up to be a role model to his sons. He'd be his partner and that meant more than it sounded on paper. Shouta would be involved as he wanted to be with the boys, but it wouldn't change the fact that his boys weren't going anywhere.

Eri wasn't going anywhere. Why was dating with children such a difficult task? He couldn't help but wonder if he should talk to his mothers again. If he should see if they possibly knew how he should tackle a situation like this. If there was something about the situation that the two of them could tell him about this. He knew his mothers were engaged and married shortly before they adopted him; surely, they must know? Would they know something that could make this easier on him?

He wanted nothing more than to call up his mothers to see if they could have the answer for him. But the women had insisted on having a few days to themselves after the fiasco of Christmas. It was something he was more than understanding on. Something he respected. But God if he didn't want to hear his mothers voices and talk to them. Even if it was to calm the raging thoughts ripping through his head one after another.

He missed them strange as that was to say to himself. He missed the warmth, the affection and understanding that always radiated off of them. He wanted nothing more than to be comforted by them. That's all that he wants; is the comfort of his mothers voices in his ear. Telling him what he needed them to say. To have them gently talk him off of the ledge he found himself pacing trying to come up with an idea on how he confronted all of this.

He sighed out quietly to himself through his nose at the thought, but he wanted to talk to them. Talk to anyone. It's all he wanted from the pair of women. He'd talked to Taishiro, and he knew he was going to exhaust himself but if he had to then he would turn to Nemuri. He'd give his mothers the peace that they wanted following the holidays but surely Nemuri would suffice? Nemuri who always acted like a sister and confidant with her sweet rose perfume that he adored.

A perfume that he found himself longing for and the warmth of arms around him. To be hugged and swayed while he was assured that he could figure this out. That there wasn't anything he couldn't figure out. He wanted to put to rest this agonizing twisting and turning of his chest. Of his heartache. What did he want? What did he need? They were questions he asked himself consistently but at the end of the day did he know? Did he understand what he wanted? What he needed?

He wanted Shouta. He needs to say something. He needed to figure himself out because he feared he was wearing down all of his friends patience. He didn't want to start pissing off people left and right about the whole situation with Shouta. He just needed some time to figure out now how he was going to possibly confess. Once he figured that out, he knew that he would be just fine. He just needed a bit of time but how much time did he give himself?

It was a damn good question. He wanted more time but how much time did he give himself? He'd been crushing on Shouta three out of the five months he'd known the man. Possibly before that. But he needed to get his shit together like Taishiro had gently put when he had joined him for lunch. He needed to get his head out of his ass and on his shoulders again. He needed to figure this out before it became too much. Before he was no long friends with Shouta over this.

He wanted nothing more than to confess right now but he was afraid. Nervous. It was holding him back, but he knew if he just gave himself a bit of time to figure out how he wanted to broach the conversation then he'd be more than content. He'd approach the conversation boldly. He'd be able to breathe out just what he wanted from the black-haired man. To tell him that he wants him. And then they'd figure it out from there.

But would it hurt if he spent some time trying to figure that out for himself? He didn't think so. But he knew there was only going to be so many times he could mention it to his friends before the conversations repeated themselves. Before they were walking in circles, and his friends became frustrated with him for not saying something. He knew this and he knew he had to end it soon. But how soon was too soon?

He sighed out softly to himself when he caught a light, back of throat snore from Hitoshi. A mirroring snore from Izuku that pulled him out of his thoughts with his head raising from the pillow in awe. Apparently, some quiet time was all it took to get his sons down for their afternoon nap. They were out like a light on his chest with small fingers loosely holding onto his sweater with mouths hanging open slightly. Lashes resting on pink cheeks.

Sleeping so peacefully it had him squeezing them gently before he began to roll Hitoshi onto the bed next to him carefully while sliding his arm from beneath him. Thankfully, the six-year-old remained peacefully asleep when he then shifted to do the same for Izuku. Being mindful of how close he would be to the edge if he rolled, he moved carefully and slowly. Methodically until Izuku was in the spot that he'd been laying in as he sat up.

Sliding over the bed as both boys slept on together, he smiled at the sight of those pink cheeked faces. They must've been exhausted to fall asleep so fast after some moments of silence. He slipped off the edge of the bed carefully as he could without shaking it then padding across the room. He smiled softly at the sight of both his sons curled close together with slow, even breaths being taken. The slow rise and fall of their backs.

It was only four-thirty, but he could let them sleep through while he made dinner. He knew they'd be miffed about not helping but he wanted them to nap. They deserved to be kids. Not worrying about him. He made his way to the bedroom doors where he tugged them open quietly as he could then stepped into the hallway. He can't deny that the thought of sleeping with them was a temptation. To nap together, all three of them? It would have been nice, but he needed to get dinner on.

He could only imagine how hungry they were going to be when they woke from their impromptu nap. Making his way down the hallway, he entered the dark kitchen where his gaze went to the window. The sun long since down far too early in his opinion when he padded to the doorway of the kitchen to flick the light on. He winced at the bright light, but he made his way to the fridge which he tugged open to look over his options.

He hummed quietly with his fingers drumming on the door of the fridge when his eyes fell on the pack of pork chops that he'd taken out. He had bought the things for katsudon the other day on his latest shopping haul after Christmas. Of course, they had plenty of left overs. He still had to bring Shouta his but both had agreed they'd give it a few days for him to unwind from Christmas. He had their presents in his trunk and their containers of food sat on the shelf.

He'd bring them by when he got someone to watch the boys for him while he popped out to do some more shopping. But he could always have a left overs night tomorrow if he truly wanted to. Katsudon sounded damn good to him tonight and he had all the things to make it with. Tugging the pork cutlets out of the fridge, he cradled it to his side while grabbing the pack of eggs. Bending down to tug open the drawer to pull out an onion and a scallion in the drawer.

He then stood up straight to grab the soy sauce off the shelf on the door. He'd need to grab the mirin and chicken stock, but he had pretty much everything so far and he was more than willing to get started on dinner. He may not be thrilled at the thought of disposing of oil, but he was willing to make something a bit extravagant for the night. Something that wasn't soup or left over from Christmas. Shutting the fridge door with a light rattle of the items within.

Then he made his way to the counter with a quiet sigh to himself. At least Hitoshi and Izuku could get some rest. God knows he can't wait to go to bed himself. He might let them stay up just a bit later than usual to make up for the thirty or so minutes they'd be sleeping while he made sure dinner was done. He reached up into the cabinet for the breadcrumbs and flour then grabbing the bottle of oil. He then reached down for the cabinet doors beneath the counter to grab the deepest pot of his.

Grabbing a pan to cook the onion and eggs, then straightening up to place them on the counter. He then ducked down to grab another pot for the rice to make with it. Shutting the door with a gentle thud. He reached up into the cabinet for three bowls to fill with the batter and eggs and the dry breadcrumbs. It was a recipe that would keep his hands busy along with his mind. Although he found that at least his thoughts weren't pining. Weren't longing.

At the very least, they were rational tonight. Rational enough to keep him busy while he opened the bread crumbs to pour into the bowl. He then put the breadcrumbs down to pour the flour into the second bowl. Opening the egg containers to begin cracking eggs into it with the quiet howl of the wind outside rattling the cable wires out there. He hoped they didn't lose power tonight. Hoped they wouldn't. He cracked four eggs into the bowl then placed the empty shells back into the container.

Making the mental note to throw them away. God, he didn't know what he wanted tonight. Some part of him was desperate to call his sisters or his mothers. To see if he could get some kind of comfort tonight to soothe his spiraling mind. But was it spiraling if his thoughts were rational? It had him sighing out to himself as he tugged open a drawer to grab a fork. Using it to break the yolks then whisking them up quickly with the scrape of his fork against the plastic bowl ringing out as he whisked.

Once he had the eggs properly mixed up, he used the hair tie around his wrists to tug his hair back into a loose bun against his neck which kept his hair out of his face at the very least. He then grabbed a knife from the block to cut open the pork cutlets. Once cut open, he then turned to grab the oil along with that deep pot that he placed onto the stove. Twisting the cap off, he poured the oil into the bowl when he let his eyes flick to the clock. Four thirty.

He really ought not mope around the way that he had been lately. He didn't want Izuku and Hitoshi worrying over him too much. It was, however, sweet of both boys to come and ask him if he was alright the way that they had. He couldn't imagine his life without Izuku in it. Two sons. Two children who had all of his love and all of his heart. Did he have room for a third? Did his heart have the capacity to grow to accommodate a third child?

He already adored Eri the way he would any other child her age, but could he love her like a daughter? Could Shouta come to love his sons like his own? They were important questions that he knew would come up if he were to confess to Shouta. Could the man come to love his sons? Could he love Eri like a daughter? Both would have expectations for how their children were to be treated and he knew they'd need to find their middle ground.

Would need to find something to balance them out the best that they could. He knew it would take time. It would take years. But he hoped that if he were to end up with Shouta that the man would come to love Hitoshi and Izuku. That's if the black-haired man felt the same for him as he felt for Shouta. It would be the most ideal situation where both came to love the other children the way they loved their own. He didn't understand dating when he was a single father.

But he was more than willing to figure it out. He was more than willing to learn how to date another single father. He hadn't asked but he couldn't help but wonder if Eri was adopted. Shouta hadn't said if she was or not, he had merely assumed that it was possible the small girl was adopted. After all, with her red eyes and white hair compared to Shouta's black curls and dark eyes? Well, they didn't exactly look like they could be of blood relation to one another.

He'd never thought to ask for the sheer fact that adoption or fostering can be a sensitive topic. God knows that for years it had been blatantly obvious that Hitoshi was adopted. At least from what he heard due to Hitoshi's indigo hair and purple eyes when compared to his own green eyes and blonde locks. When Izuku had come into the picture, it was so easy for those around him to ask if the green-haired child was his. All because they shared green eyes and freckles.

It had hurt Hitoshi, that much he knew, but it had amended itself when Hitoshi and Izuku came together to act as brothers had halfway through their first year together. And of course, now Izuku took to his family like water. They adored Izuku just as they adored Hitoshi. Both boys adored one another just like brothers did. It worked out in the long run and with Izuku only being in his custody for a year, he'd never been surer of his desire to adopt.

Despite the broken arm debacle, he'd been on very good terms with Izuku's caseworker, and it led to a friendly relationship. One where he respected her authority as Izuku's caseworker and she for his status as his father. It was a relief knowing she was still pushing for the termination of parental rights and soon enough, in a few months' time, Izuku would be all his. His son. God, he couldn't wait to present the green-haired boy with the adoption papers.

He knew that the boy remembered his mother and father. He knew that he couldn't fully take over as a father, but he hoped one day to be referred to as such. He hopes that one day there'd be that proud sparkle as Izuku introduced him as his father. Not adoptive. Not his brief foster father. It was a hope that warmed his chest as he capped the oil then turned the burner on as he situated the pot on it properly. He then turned his attention to the pork cutlets.

Three for tonight then he'd be sure to find some lunch idea for the other three tomorrow. He nodded to himself as he pulled three pork cutlets out of the packaging then placed them in the flour. Tossing all three carefully then one at a time dipping them into the egg mixture of his then into the breadcrumbs. Back to the eggs then to the breadcrumbs. He then shuffled over to the sink, turning the water on with his wrist, and rinsing his fingers off.

Shuffling back along the counters to reach up with dripping fingers to get the cabinet door open to grab a plate. Placing the pork onto the plate, he placed it next to the counter by the pot that was heating up slowly. He then went about carrying the bowls to the trash to empty out before adding them to the sink. He then reached down to open a cabinet door to pull the rice cooker out. Placing it on the counter, he plugged it in then rolled his head from side to side then his shoulders.

Shutting the cabinet door with his knee, he stepped over to his pantry then reached down to the bottom shelf where he then grabbed the rice. He turned back to the waiting rice cooker to pop the top then grabbed the bowl inside. Opening up the rice, he poured the grains into the bowl then placed the half empty bag on the side of the rice cooker. He then got to work on washing his rice. It was amazingly mind numbing for him as he went through the steps to get dinner ready.

Like a fire had been lit under his ass now that his boys were napping peacefully in his bed. He was determined to at least give them a decent dinner. Tomorrow can be a left overs day. He hummed softly to himself as he swirled his fingers through the rice then dumped the water out carefully. Again, and again until the water was running clear then he let the bowl fill up with the right amount of water. Eyeballing it then lifting it up to place the bowl into the rice cooker.

Adding in a splash of the chicken stock; just enough to give the rice some flavor to go along with everything else. Closing the top with a click, he fussed with the settings with the shrill beeps ringing out until he had it set and cooking. He turned his attention to the open eggs and the onion along with the scallion. He grabbed one of his larger knives from the block and peeled the skin off of the onion before he set to work on cutting into it.

The quiet sound of his chopping, the quiet hiss of the oil behind him, was a comforting sound, strange as that was. His eyes burned as he chopped into the onion to which he rubbed at his eyes with his wrists. Nudging his glasses up to do so before he sniffed as he grabbed the pan he'd taken out. Placing it on the stove, next to that quietly hissing pot and he shook his hands out. He then got to work on chopping the scallion into fine little chunks that would be scattered on top just like the egg.

It was nice. Cooking. Doing something with his hands with the quiet of his home weighing on his hearing aids. If it were just him, he'd take them out. When he was young, he would always find moments to take his hearing aids out to relish in the silence around him. Tasks done in utter silence but when he took on Hitoshi it changed. He couldn't do it when he had a baby to look after and eventually adopt. However, it didn't stop him from teaching his sons sign language

in fact, he swore they were more fluent in it than he was at their age. He'd been teaching Hitoshi from the moment he adopted him. Fostered him. He'd been teaching Hitoshi for years and had recently been teaching Izuku who seemed eager to learn it. Picking up on it fast like his brother had. He wasn't perfect at it, but the boy seemed utterly eager at the thought of learning something new. Even if it was sign language.

It had him prouder than anything to see his sons trying to carry conversations in sign language together. To watch Hitoshi teach his brother how to do it. It was a quite the cute sight when they were attempting to talk silently to one another. He hummed softly to himself when he used his wired spoon used for cooking with oil to scoop up a pork chop. Placing the first one into the oil, he made quick work with the other two while the oil bubbled furiously around the pork.

Humming a small Christmas tune to himself was comforting. Filled the quiet. He turned to open the cabinet to tug down a bowl where he scraped the scallions into. The hissing and bubbling of the oil behind him was deafening when he turned on his feet with the cutting board in hand. Placing it next to the burner when he turned the burner beneath the pan on. Grabbing the oil, he drizzled a lazy swirl into the pan then capped it once more.

He grabbed his spoon to then prod at the cooking pork in the oil with a hum to himself when he sighed out. Letting his head hang back as he rolled his shoulders. It was nice to give himself something to do but he knew he had to figure his shit out. He needs to figure out what he wants to do about a possible dating situation. How he would explain to both a potential partner and his kids what would be changing. It was what any single father would have to do.

He hadn't confessed to Shouta yet, but God knows he had the tickle to do so. To finally admit it out loud to the black-haired man that he had a crush. While three, possibly four, months out of five was short to pine when compared to years he didn't want it to stretch on years. He knew he wanted Shouta so what was the point in putting it off? He knew what he wanted. He knew how he felt. All that it came down too was explaining to the black-haired man how he felt.

What he wanted from him. And yet he was nervous. It was almost like stage fright; something that he'd been able to battle through when he was a teenager. And yet now, as an adult, it was keeping him clammed up. His nervousness getting the better of him whether he liked it or not. He wants to confess to Shouta, he does, but at the same time he didn't want to say anything. He didn't want to say a word when all he wanted was to relish the time they spent together.

The time that they spent talking to one another. Hanging out. Even if it was only as best friends. He wants nothing more than to simply have and keep Shouta in his life whether that was as a romantic partner or a best friend. But he knew that he couldn't just sit on his feelings like this. He knew that he didn't have the patience to sit on his feelings and he knew that those around him were going to start losing patience with him. They were going to start getting irritated with him.

After all, there was only so many times he could talk about the same situation and the same man again and again. It would be old. Annoying. And God knows he didn't want someone saying something to Shouta out of frustration. That was the worst-case scenario as he knew that Oboro tended to say things out of frustration. Especially if he thought the topic was silly or easily fixable. He didn't need Oboro to tell Shouta that he had a crush on him. That was the last thing he needed.

He'd rather be the one to tell Shouta how he felt; he didn't want it to be passed on knowledge. Something told to him second hand. But how did he begin to plan a confession? It was so easy in high school so why now was it complicated? Was it because he'd never confessed to someone like Shouta before? Most of his partners had been rather open with their feelings. They'd been easy to read. They had been easy to communicate with.

After all, he'd had the inkling that they liked him meanwhile he had not a clue how Shouta felt for him. He had been so nice to him and had all but confirmed their friendship but nothing more. Was Shouta also nervous? Was he also shy? He'd seen that shyness first hand and he knew how Shouta tended to clam up. How his shoulders scrunched up towards his ears and his head ducked downwards. How he hid his face behind his black locks of hair.

How he angled his red face away until it was back to it's usual paleness. He knew that the black-haired man was shy but he was also weirdly confident in his weird flirting that he found himself struck wordless. He was often surprised by it. But was that shyness more than enough to keep Shouta silent? Was it enough to keep the black-haired man from speaking up? From talking to him about his feelings? Was it that strong? He had not a clue but he was desperate to know.

To peel back the façade he had on and watch him turn red. To watch those dark eyes widen at him while his full lips parted. Moved silently before pinching tightly together as his head ducked away. He wanted to watch Shouta's shoulders scrunch up to his ears self-consciously if it meant that he got the truth from the black-haired man. If he felt the same way then they were both being fools, weren't they? They were both being idiots.

If Shouta felt the same way then they were dancing around it? Was it because neither wanted to say a damn thing for fear of how the other was going to react? How the other was going to feel about the other? It was a silly, stupid dance they did but someone had to break first. And he knew that there was only so long before he was blurting it out that he liked the black-haired man. He knew there was only a small amount of time before he broke. Was six months going to be it?

Was six months going to break him? He had hardly been pining for more than four months but he wants this man so badly he'd do anything just to say it out loud. He just needed to figure himself out and he knew he'd be confessing before he knew it. It had him nervous at the thought but he knew there was only so long that he could let this go on. He grabbed his paper towels then laid them out on the plate for the pork when he forced his hand to move as he prodded the cooking meat.

It was beginning to crisp up and turn golden brown. Just a little longer for those. The rice was almost done which means he just needs to focus on getting the onions cooking, the pork on top of those and the eggs drizzled over everything to cook. He hummed softly to himself when he put his spoon down then picked up the cutting board. Stepping over before the pan, he dumped the onions onto the plate with a sizzle that had him humming when he then turned to check on the rice.

He then turned to grab a spatula that he used to prod the onions with as they sizzled in the lightly oiled pan. He shifted his weight from foot to foot when he pushed the onions around in the pan. The scents of the food cooking were filling the small space of the kitchen making his stomach snarl at him. Hungry. He was far hungrier than he felt moments ago when he'd been laying on the bed with the boys. He swirled the pan with a quiet hum to himself when he placed his spatula down to check on the pork.

It was golden brown much to his delight when he used his spoon to scoop it out with liquid dribbling out. Placing the cutlets onto the plate one at a time, he turned the burner off then moved the hot pot to the back burner to cool off. He then turned his attention back to the onions that were sizzling in the pan as he picked up the spatula. Swirling them lazily in the pan, the rice cooker cheerfully chimed to which he glanced over instinctively. At least he could give the boys a hot meal to eat tonight.

They might be a bit miffed he didn't wake them up and let them be helpers but tomorrow he was for sure going to do it. They could help him with breakfast like they usually did. He used his spatula to swirl the onions in the pan as he sighed out quietly to himself. He gave another swirl with the spatula pushing at the onions when he then placed it down to turn his attention to the cutlets. He grabbed the raw pork from its place on the counter and turned on his heel to the fridge.

Tugging the door open, he slid the pork into the fridge again then shut the door. He then made his way back over to grab a bowl from the cabinet and a fork from the drawer. Grabbing a few eggs from the pack, he made a mental note to pick up more eggs tomorrow morning. The boys might not like being bundled up and taken shopping first thing in the morning but he was running low and he wasn't going to give them pie for breakfast. No matter how much they begged for it.

Cracking eggs into the bowl, he decided to finish it off and cracked the remaining three. There was plenty of eggs for dinner tonight. He broken the yolks and began whisking them quickly while the onions sizzled behind him. Whisking it quickly, he then grabbed the knife he'd used with the onions. Dragging the plate over to him, he gingerly lifted all three onto the cutting board where he quickly cut them into strips. Turning on his feet, he rushed over to the stove where he swirled the onions around in the pan.

They were beginning to become translucent. Good, good! He gave another swirl with his stomach snarling at him again with a hunger that had him shifting slightly. Pushing the onions in the pan, he turned to shuffle over to tug the cutting board closer to the stove. Just close enough to make it easy to transfer the pork to the pan. He bounced lightly on his feet when his bun bobbed with him. He shifted slightly in his spot when he spun the spatula over in his hand while he pushed at the onions.

He knew Izuku liked a bite to his onions while Hitoshi liked them soft and translucent. Given how they were getting translucent he could always get the pork and eggs over everything to cook and the onions would soften up further. Not too much but the bite wouldn't be overwhelming. He put his spatula down to reach for the pork. And carefully, holding the cutting board over the pan, he slid the cut up pork onto the onions.

He hummed at how it hissed at the added weight onto the onions when he then shuffled over to grab the eggs. And he happily drizzled the egg over the pork and onions with the bowl emptying quickly. Covering the bottom of the pan perfectly to which he walked over to the sink to place the bowl and cutting board into it. He then reached under the counter for the cover to the pan and placed it on top of it. Letting the eggs cook with the steam when he drummed his fingers on the counter.

Did he wake the boys up now? It would be smart if he went out there to make sure that they woke up in time for dinner. It hadn't taken him much time to get dinner done. And it still wasn't completely done as they were waiting on the eggs to cook and the rice. A short few minute nap was more than enough for them and time was definitely ticking by steadily. It was becoming a longer name with each second that ticked by. He knew he could also leave everything in the oven to warm up and stay warm.

He'd wake them when everything was coming together and completely done. When he had everything plated up then he'd go and wake the boys up. For now they could nap a little while longer before he went to get them. He weaved on his feet before he found himself padding over to the sink where he glanced down at the full sink. Dishes waiting to be rinsed and put into the dishwasher. He glanced out the window at the black sky. The darkness of his backyard.

It was ridiculous it was dark so soon but he knew there was no changing winter times. He sighed out when he reached down to open up the dishwasher and turned the sink on. Making sure to swirl the water around the bowls thoroughly before stacking them into the lower wrack. Making quick work getting the bowls and plate into the bottom wrack. In getting the cutting board just barely squeezed in with them and the knives he used into the top wrack.

Throwing in a few straggling cups that had been left there for him to get in. Turning the water off with the wracks pushed in, he tugged the door up slightly. He then bent down to open the cabinet doors beneath the sink where he kept the cleaning supplies. Reaching in for the pods, he tugged one out of the container it came in then placed them back with the cabinet doors clanging shut. He then placed it in its place, snapping it shut, he then pushed the door of the dishwasher shut.

Fiddling with the options on the front, he pressed the start button before sighing out. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed. To take a nap. Anything to give him a bit of respite. But he was determined to get dinner done and then they'd watch a movie of their choosing. Go to bed. He was sure that bedtime would come faster than usual if his sons were this tired at four-forty in the afternoon. It had taken him little more than twenty-three minutes to get everything ready the way that he had.

He was cooking much faster than he usually did but he was more than happy to get it wrapped up. It was a nice little distraction but he knew that it wouldn't last. He knew when he was turning in for bed tonight that Shouta was going to come to the forefront of his mind. His struggles were going to make light of themselves when he was trying to do nothing more than rest tonight. He knew he'd sit up thinking, thinking, thinking the night away and he'd never get proper rest.

It was a horrible, ugly routine of his to sit up and rethink his choices. To think about what choices he would have to make for himself. There was no one in life who could make his choices for him and he needed to get his damn head on straight. He knew he did. And he knew he was sticking his head in the sand; not wanting to admit out loud to Shouta that he liked him. He had not a clue why he was so hesitant, so nervous, about saying anything but he was.

He was and it made him feel cowardly. For the first time in all of his life, he didn't feel like the bold and confident man that he grew himself to be. He wants nothing more than to be that bold, confident man he knew he was and blurt out to Shouta that he adored him. That he thought about what it would be like to be dragged onto his lap. What it would be like to twist his fingers in his hair while he giggled and squirmed with arms curling around him tightly.

What it would be like to have Shouta's lips trailing down his cheek to his throat as he tossed his head back. That he wanted nothing more than for them to be the lovers he wanted them to be. That he wanted to kiss him freely without fearing that he was going to pull away the way he had with their first kiss. He wanted to confess to Shouta the fantasies he'd had when he was touching himself beneath the blankets. When he was rubbing at himself and imagining it to be those rough fingers.

That he wanted Shouta to trap him on his lap, his large hands on his waist, and bounce him on his cock. To be shown the right way to ride him. He wants Shouta to throw him down on the floor and make love to him. He wants to imagine what it'd be like to twist his hands into those black curls while hips pounded at him as he gasped and twisted beneath Shouta. He wanted the heat of Shouta's sweaty skin rubbing against his. And at the same time he wants the man to hold him.

He wants those arms around him while he cuddled into his lap. Into his chest. He wants to tuck his head up beneath his chin and inhale the cologne that he adored more than anything. He wants those rough hands to twirl and tug at his hair the way he would with those loose curls. He wants Shouta to sweep him off of his feet when he greeted him at the door. He wants to be showered in kisses like the black-haired man had been missing him too.

God, all he wants the black-haired man to dance with him in the kitchen to whatever cheesy song that he had playing on his phone. He wanted Shouta proclaim his love quietly in his ear. Against his skin. He wants to be laid down and he wants to make love with Shouta. He wants to have those hands traveling over his sides and back like he was something tender. He wants to be treated like a lover. He wants to be loved. He wants to be adored.

He wants those dark eyes to look at him like he was the sole point in his universe. He wants to feel like Shouta can't live without him. He wants him to feel the same damn way that he felt for the black-haired man. For there were more wants than the desire of being fucked into the bed. There was something more to it that went beyond wanting to fuck this man like a damn rabbit that had been deprived of it. He wants to be treated tenderly and lovingly.

He wants to dance to songs in the kitchen. He wants to be lifted off of his feet and he wants to be spun around in his arms. He wants to kiss at his cheeks, nose, forehead and jaw before lips were ultimately coming down on his. He wants to be kissed with passion. Desire. And he wants to be kissed tenderly with love. He wants to know that when those lips came down on his that Shouta adored him just as ferociously as he adored Shouta. It was all that he wanted from the black-haired man.

All he wanted going forward. But how was Shouta to know if he didn't tell him? If he didn't tell him he wants him this badly? How was the black-haired man to piece it together? Sighing to himself again sharply, he let his head hang forward when he noted the lock of hair that had managed to leave his bun. He tucked his hair behind his ear without thinking twice while being mindful of his hearing aid. He knew that he needed to be honest.

He knew that he needed to be forward with Shouta and to be unafraid. But he was afraid. He was painfully nervous and he didn't know how he was going to do this. He knew it was simple as anything; either say something or swallow his feelings down until they withered away. Either he went after Shouta or he didn't. He drummed his fingers agitatedly on the edge of the counter with his head lifting upwards with his lashes fluttering down onto his cheeks.

In the new year, whether he liked it or not, he was going to confess to Shouta. He is going to confess to the black-haired man and they'd start off their new year together. Whether that was as best friends and himself pushed into the friendzone or they'd be lovers. There was no in between. He needed to gather his wits and grow a damn pair! Just like Nemuri had said the last time he brought up Shouta! He knew he needed to be a man and face his feelings already.

To tell them to Shouta, but there was something that made his legs shake. To even have the limit of the new year weighing on him, he knew he was going to confess. He had too. Who was he to deny himself a moment more? And what if Shouta felt the same? There was no telling if he did or didn't if he remained silent. Taishiro was also right; he was a twenty-six-year-old man. Didn't he know better than to act like some kind of love sick fool? Didn't he know that he was old enough to work this out?

Did he want to continue in this odd back and forth with Shouta? The answer was no. No he didn't. So, whether he liked it or not, in the new year he was going to say something. That bought him a week or so more to fester in his feelings before he came up with the idea on how to come out with his feelings. A week or so to himself to ponder over the depth of his crush. He knew he could confess; it was just a matter of finding his nerves.

In making himself be the confident, bold man that he knew himself to be. After all, Shouta had been giving signs this whole time, hadn't he? He'd been showing him signs again and again about his interest in him with those lingering touches. The way his hands skated along his lower back when they pulled from their hugs. The way his hands traced his waist. Even their kiss spoke volumes. Before Shouta's phone had gone off the man had been into it. There was no denying that he was into it.

So if they were both into one another then what was stopping them from saying something? What was stopping them from saying their true feelings on the matter? How they felt about one another? He just needed to stick to his guns. He needed to stay confident and he needed to make sure he knew what he was going to say. He needed to be the bold, confident man he was and say it as it was. Regardless of their outcome, he was going to say it in the new year. He swore it.