Chapter 11: For Your Life

Mr. Emerson pushed off school for weeks, saying they needed to be considerate of the refugees and their acclamation, not to mention finish seeding the fields. He claimed they were healing, needed to process, and even set up counseling on school grounds for community leaders to speak with these poor folks. But passing his home on the way to town one day, Edie and Hajule saw boards against his windows, and holes dug around his house. Wooden barrels full of soil propped against the doors, and fence posts propped against the entryways. Unmarried, no children of his own, and nothing more to protect than a few dogs.

"They're fed up with it," Mr. Solway said when she mentioned it. "All these poor parents have had their loud little kids for four more months than usual. Combine that with all the relief efforts and earlier recruitment age and refugees, and it's no wonder Emerson wants to postpone. I wouldn't want to be in a room with the little buggards, either."

"Even Jamie?"

The shopkeeper shook his head and went back to his work. "You're a spy for Larmie. I've told him truthfully, I don't care one way or the other. He can keep the kid under lock and key or let him enlist. It's up to him, and I'll help either way."

"I'm no spy."

"Don't care whether you are or not. You can report either way."

Kikoi and his minion elected to take half days, then spend their afternoons working at an accounting internship. While the military police enforced the rules, someone had to keep the books running, and Kikoi intended to make that money. But for such a small village, they'd be crammed in the one room schoolhouse for all morning hours, and already, half a dozen young ladies rode by their fields to get a better glimpse of the handsome new visitors. She hoped he wouldn't suspect freedom and act out, especially with Jamie being so private nowadays.

So Hajule forced her son to finally take a decent bath and told him to take care of the horses in the morning, while Larmie and Edie labored with the swine and chickens. By dawn, the four children drug their feet and headed off to school, satchels filled with the three required books hung over their shoulders. The military police had dropped off their curriculum a week earlier.

Edie organized her new crew, watered and fertilized her fields, touching the new sprouts with gentle fingers. A few were new to the area, young adults with no apparent skills, and she kept telling them, no, you can't step on the sprouts. Even a amnesiac could remember that much.

She wondered when she'd stop being Edie the Amnesiac and start being Edie the Farmhand, although Hajule already introduced her with his last name.

"It'd be even more appropriate if you took my maiden name, since Lana sent you to us. Edie Simmul. How does that sound?"

"I've lived here longer," Edie reasoned. "Cartwell would make more sense."

"Sure, sure. When we cross the wall for Corini's wedding, perhaps we can stop by one of the offices and change your name. It's only a few dollars and would make taxes easier. We've listed you as a resident, of course, but you're practically family now."

"Sounds nice. But I'd rather be a Cartwell, no offense."

"Oh, I preferred it, too."

Dani came home first, her shoes still spotless and hair tied up intricately. Her companions were still at their internships, and Edie supposed Jamie was far too excited to see his old friends to be home on time. The girl barely nodded plodding up the steps, her bag fuller than before, and the door closed behind. Edie went back to her work, weeding the family's vegetable plot, absorbed in her work. There was great war and repetition in the work, and it gave her peace. She hardly noticed the shadow on the plants to the left.

Someone cleared their throat. "You've covered in dirt."

Edie lifted her head, hands still buddy. Dani stood behind her, scratching a bug bite on her wrist. Her mouth was twisted, and she leaned toward the door. Edie stared for a moment, then nodded. "Yes, well, it's been a hard workday."

"Right. But you're whole back, like you were rolling in it."

"Some of these new people are messier. They kick up the dirt instead of raking it."

"Oh, that's…interesting."

"Sure."

Edie turned and went back to her work.

"Are all the boys so…dull?"

"In my experience, yes."

"No, but…here. You've had to have some of them ask you on a date, or even propose. But you're not engaged, and you're not seeing anyone. Is it because there's truly no one in this area with class, or charm?"

Edie nearly laughed. "Was your day not as charming as you would've hoped?"

"Kikoi always has girls fawning over him, and Melo, too, even though he's scrawny. Back in Shiganshina, plenty of my classmates sent me flowers, love letters, even promises to marry me after they finished training." She balled up her skirts and knelt, careful to not get her shoes or dress in the mud. "But these are all…I don't know."

"Straightforward?"

"Down to earth. Doesn't anyone here want to be something more?"

"Jamie."

"He's eleven." Dani balled up grass in her hand. "And he'll be dead in two years."

"Don't say that."

"Half a year till his birthday, a year of training, then his first mission some time after that. The scouts aren't known for their long-lasting members."

"That doesn't mean it'll happen to Jamie."

"Of course it does." Dani tucked her skirts between her legs and started weeding, too—much slower than needed, but more work than she'd done in her stay. "Every few months in Shiganshina, the Scouts would parade out for another mission, then come back a week or few days later with twenty people. That was for a good mission."

Edie bit her tongue and kept working. "Are you worried they're not interested?"

"I'm worried that they'll be stuck here. Miss Tibia always said I had to marry someone above my class, either in a noble family or closely related, or I'd be forced to move to poorer areas. I don't know how it is here, but in the cities, you're either married to a good man or getting abused by one."

"From your experience?"

Dani shook her head. "But Miss Tibia always said it, and so did Lord Cyllene, whenever he bothered to visit. He said you can't trust others to take care of you, and all I've got is my looks going for me."

"They're nice, not going to lie."

"I know. And yours are, too, which is why I thought you'd understand."

Edie grimaced a little, but Dani was too focused to notice. "I'm kind of the opposite. I think the best way to stay safe is to be unmarried, and skilled."

"I'll die an old maid," she mumbled.

"Perhaps Kikoi will come to his senses and whisk you off to Wall Sina in a few years."

"Kikoi's a prick, albeit a handsome one. But there've been lots of military police here lately. Maybe I can catch one of their eyes."

"Maybe. And I'll put in a good word for you."

"Thanks."

They kept working for half an hour more, and Edie switched to picking off little white eggs from the leaves while Dani weeded. The sun dropped, from afternoon to early evening, and the girls began cleaning.

"Kikoi said you were twenty-six," Dani said as they walked inside. "Miss Tibia wasn't much older than you. Maybe thirty or so. She really did care about the three of us, even though Kikoi and Melo made it nearly impossible."

"Did she pass away?"

"A titan reached its hand through our window and ate her. The three of us barely made it out the front door and onto horseback. Kikoi says we couldn't do anything to save her, but…she didn't deserve to die. She was good."

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright. It's how it is." Dani smoothed her skirts. "But if Jamie doesn't die on his first mission, I hope he hunts down those two giant titans. They're the ones who deserve to die."

Kikoi and Melo came back a few minutes later, laughing loudly and describing their day to Larmie, who cleaned himself by the door. They pretended to do homework at the table, books open and everything, but it was just a façade to explain their days to anyone who would listen. Luckily, Dani seemed about as interested as everyone else, and she and Edie made small talk by the sink.

Hajule set out bowls of potatoes and stew, staring at the front door. "Jamie's dawdling far more than he did last year. Where is that boy?"

"Give him time," Larmie said, kissing her head. "All the boys are likely practicing with their wooden swords and jumping from trees."

"Ridiculous," Hajule huffed.

But Dani stared at the boys at the table, eyes narrow. She cast a glance at Edie, then put down her towel. "Have you two heard anything?"

Kikoi and Melo stopped their endless chatter and shared a look. "Uh, nothing much," Kikoi answered after a few seconds.

"Well, did you see him?"

"Uh—I don't think so."

"Sure we did!" Melo announced, slamming his book closed with vigor. He rubbed his hands together and reached for his bowl of potatoes as Kikoi slapped his hand. "Saw him passing at the crossroads. He was finished with his friends, I think."

"Did he say anything to you?"

After a kick under the table, Melo got the message and kept his mouth shut. Kikoi gave a pleasant smile, eyes darting at Edie. "Kid said he wanted some time to himself. Said he needed to think some things over."

"Before coming home?" Hajule stressed.

"Sure."

"It'll be dark in just an hour." She walked to the window and drew back a curtain. "Where in heaven could he be? There's dangerous animals out at night."

"Nothing more than a few stray dogs, Hajule." Larmie sat at the table. "He'll be back soon."

"I don't like this. What if he's gone to enlist?"

"He'd tell you," Edie said with confidence. But she went to the door and took her coat off. "But I think I know where he is. I'll be back soon."

"You don't mind?"

"Of course not. He's family. Don't hold dinner; we'll eat when we're back."

In the barn, Dia whinnied and searched for a carrot, then huffed when she got a saddle before a treat. The two galloped across the fields, toward the forest, and broke the tree line in a few minutes. They ran the familiar path, breathing crisp air, and enjoying the brief moments of sunlight through the branches. The sun would be in their eyes, if not for the wall, far from sight.

They reached the clearing and walked around the pond. Sure enough, a little figure perched on the branches near the tree house. Edie tied up Dia, climbed to the little house, and carefully eased onto the trunk. "Your mother's worried. She thought you were a cadet by now."

"I wouldn't leave without telling them," he mumbled.

"Was the day hard?"

"You could say that."

"What's going on?" She sat near him, legs dangling over the edge. No startled feelings darted in her stomach, and she knew he felt safe, too.

"Nobody at school is joining the scouts."

"So?"

"So, they all think I'm an idiot."

"You told them?"

He didn't turn. "We were all talking about Wall Maria at lunch, and the titans, and all they wanted to talk about was how the military police should've been able to stop the titans. A few people wanted to join the Garrison now, or try for the military police, but they said they'd drop out if they didn't make the Top 10. They're cowards."

"Would you like them to be Scouts if they really didn't want to do it?"

"Of course not."

"Then why does it matter to you?"

"Because they think I'm a coward!" Jamie turned and met her gaze. His eyes were red, puffy, with dried tears on his cheeks. "Tell me it's not true. That you didn't talk to Kikoi."

"You know he's been in my field."

"But you did that to protect me, so he'd lay off. Did you think I couldn't take it?"

"You didn't have to. Why does it matter if you can?"

He stood, a hand on the higher branch. "I told everyone at school that I was joining the scouts as soon as I turned twelve, that they could trust me to protect them and the walls. But then, Kikoi brought up that not only did you tell him off, but you've been making sure Corini and the other workers aren't pushing me around."

"They wouldn't dare push you around. Not with your dad there."

"But he's not always there, and you still don't. How can I prove I'm brave if you're looking over my shoulder like this?" He huffed. "It took a long time for Mother and Father to be alright with me leaving. Forever, it feels like. Now, you're doing the same thing."

"So, you want to handle yourself."

"Yes."

"Fight your own battles?"

"Of course."

"And that'll prove you're brave."

"Yes. Why do you think the fighters in the stories always go on quests alone?"

"You're not a fighter in a story. You're a future cadet and scout. Do scouts ever go on missions alone?"

"N—no."

"Do they fight titans alone? Do they survey land alone?"

"No."

"What do they advance in?"

"What?"

Edie closed her eyes for a minute, counted to three, and rewrote her question. "How are they sent out to fight?"

"Uh, in squadrons. With captains, then commanders."

"That's right."

"But they could fight the titans by themselves! I have to—"

"If any person fought the titans themselves, they'd die, and they'd be considered an idiot for trying. If you think you can go in on your own, be brave enough all on your own, then you will, too. Who cares if Kikoi and your classmates think you're a coward and won't make it? They're not the team that'll be on the field with you. Not that they'll survive without a team, either."

Jamie sat back down.

"If you go in alone, either you'll lose your team, or your team will lose you. It's courageous to stick together, to risk your safety as a group rather than chase glory."

"Alright."

"I'm sorry for being harsh, but your birthday's only eight months away. I know it feels like a terribly long time, but before you know it, you'll be signing up to the cadets. And before you know it, you'll be fighting—"

Jamie nodded, his eyes downcast. "I know. And I know you and Mother and Father want the best for me. I won't be someone to die on the first mission, I promise. I'll fight the titans and make you proud." He hugged her, but she was still. He stared at her face for a moment. "What's wrong? Please don't cry on me. Mother's already cried on me a million times." But Jamie followed her gaze and saw what made her so tense.

Over the tree line, in the field opposite their farm, crouched a titan